Lotus in the Snow
by The Fairie Queen
Summary: As a child Kanda witnessed an event that left him cold-hearted and distant. Years later, he meets a vibrant and lively young man who begins to change that - until the a darkness threatens to tear them apart. Snow Queen AU.
1. Prologue

**Author's Note:** I actually hadn't planned on posting this. It was mostly just a fic I was writing for myself and some close friends after finishing the entire D. Gray-Man anime - and wow, let me tell you Alma and Kanda are officially the OTP of OTPs for me. Seriously, how perfect are they? (Okay, _maybe_ you don't love them as much as I do, but they're pretty adorable and I personally don't think there's enough fanfiction for them yet.)

So yeah. This is basically a completely AU faerie tale cross over with Hans Christian Andersen's _The Snow_ _Queen_ \- which is probably my favorite faerie tale of all times. There is also some inspiration from the 2002 Hallmark television film _Snow Queen_ , but I kind of just threw a bunch of stuff together. I wasn't too sure about crossing DGM characters into a faerie tale story at first, but the inspiration was somehow there. And it's just good for coping with the emotional mess the canon plot of DGM left me in.

I don't own any of there characters. Hashino owns them all, and Hans Chris Andersen owns the original plot I'm borrowing from.

 **Lotus in the Snow**

 **Prologue**  
 _The Storm_

Darkness. Somewhere far off, and far away from the realm of man was where darkness resided. It was a darkness that was so potent and astoundingly chaotic that it was suppressed within the deepest crevices of the earth, confined to the insides of a mountainous region that no mortal would ever dare to contemplate scaling. The rocks were sharp, and avalanches of crushing stones and minerals were all too common among the mountains. Black obsidian and charcoal-smeared onyx coated the earth, with only the bleakest of colors present. Nighttime was eternal among the landscape, figuratively and even literally – the sun itself avoided the area, hiding behind a continuous gray sky smoldered with a sense of foreboding.

No one went there.

No one went to trek the dangerous land. No one went to see the hideously polluted sky. And no one certainly went to see the monsters that dwelled there.

Trolls. Goblins. Demons. There was no one who could say for certain just what they were, but the creatures that dwelled in these mountains were the essence of nightmares. They were the beasts who hid beneath beds, waiting to grab mortals by their very ankles and drag them away in the dead of night. Glowing eyes of molten gold with cat-like slits peered from dark faces, as sharp grins often graced their strangely alluring mouths. Not that anyone had _seen_ these demons in quite sometime. No, these creatures had been lingering away within their mountains – and if they did venture out, then it was out of sight and in disguise.

That was the thing about demons: they could change their faces. They could make themselves beautiful, and make themselves _normal_. To the human eye.

What a strange thing the human eye was. It was so easily manipulated, and so easily persuaded into seeing whatever it wanted to see. Humans were weak that way, and the demons knew it. They were fascinated by it, and how mortal eyes were so painfully weak. This, the demons had come to realize, was because the eyes often connected to the heart. The old saying of the eyes being the window to the souls had some merit, though it more appeared to be the window to the heart above all else. Eyes took in emotion, released emotion. Took in unspoken words, released unspoken words.

It was the leader of these demons who had initially come to realize this. A grotesque creature, he was an Earl of the demons, or a devil as some would call him. Pale, ashen skin covered his large, rotund form. His ears stuck out in a long, sharp horizontal formation, and they looked almost piggish to the extent of being hideously comical. Slit eyes were often concealed by the shadow of his top hat, which would often be decorated in an ornate mockery of aristocratic fashion, and his obscenely large teeth would protrude in a gruesomely wretched smile. He laughed sometimes, and it was a horrible sound – almost jovial, but cracked with underhanded malice and despair. A complete monstrosity.

His minions were nowhere as revolting as he, but perhaps that was why he was the Earl.

It was a particularly cold evening when the Earl was preparing to set his plan into motion – one that he had been formulating for quite some time. Outside, the wind whipped about madly as though it were in a frenzy, and icy hail was dancing about in a violent pas de deux. The Earl took no notice of this, or at least if he did, then he didn't care. He stood with his hands behind his back inside the safety of his mountain and was currently standing in a large room with tall walls of murky black and plum. A continuous layer of musky fog hung low to the lavishly carpeted ground of blood-red plush, which felt delightfully soft as the Earl stood upon it.

His attention was not on the floor though. Instead, it was on a large mirror that was currently being roped up by two of his minions. The mirror itself was a remarkable sight, with a shape that lingered in between the shape of a coffin and an upside-down teardrop. It was dangerously breathtaking, with sharp crystalized edges that framed the glass and twisted into unrecognizable shapes that were terrifyingly beautiful. Prideful, the Earl gleamed at his work. He had been working to create this mirror for quite some time now, and finally his immaculate planning and craftsmanship would pay off.

The two minions who were securing the mirror with rope were not necessarily in the same state of awe. If anything, they seemed to be too busy trying to untangle themselves in the rope that had somehow begun to fall around them in a complete mess.

One minion, who looked to be no older than a teenager with short dark hair and heavily lined eyes, finally stopped to glare at the other servant of the Earl. Face crinkled in annoyance, he let out an exasperated growl. "Geez, Jasdero, watch where you're roping things!" He finally snapped moodily, before tossing a handful of rope straight into his partner's face.

The other minion, Jasdero, blinked with wide eyes and a slightly open mouth that appeared to have stitches lacing it. Long, tangled blonde hair fell down his shoulders in waves, not at all complementing his smoggy-colored skin. Blinking, Jasdero giggled madly. He didn't appear to be taking the words of the other minion seriously, and naturally this angered the dark-haired minion.

In retaliation, the dark-haired minion yanked Jasdero's headband down his forehead, momentarily obstructing Jasdero's vision and causing the now-blinded minion to cry out, "Ah! Where did Devit go!?"

Before the other minion, Devit, could respond the Earl cut in. "Now you two be careful there," He warned, his tone of threatening amiability, "Unless you can't handle the task I've assigned you of course. I'm sure Tyki or even Road would be able to take care of it just fine."

These words caused the two minions to sober, as both of their faces fell. Devit spoke first, heavily-lined eyes still wide as he immediately blurted out his words. "HUH?" No, no, we've got this, boss!" Devit started, to which Jasdero was nodding furiously.

Upon seeing the two minions sober, the Earl's grin remained in place. From behind his glasses his eyes seemed to glow, hidden underneath the rim of his hat. "Excellent. I've invested quite a bit in that mirror, so I'm trusting you'll get the job done."

Not wanting to bait the Earl any further, Devit returned to tying up the back of the mirror, securing the rope around in knots to the back of the frame. Jasdero, who tended to be easily distracted and less efficient in productivity, often paused to watch Devit and mimic his actions.

As the two minions continued their preparation, the Earl watched. He soon felt a presence emerging from behind him, but needed not to turn around to know who it was before speaking a casual greeting. "Sheril and Tyki – so nice of you both to come see my finished masterpiece!"

The two new arrivals said nothing at first. The first, Sheril, was a tall man with dark skin and long, ebony-colored hair. It was slicked back at the top, while cascading down his back in long waves. Two strands on each side of his face framed his hair, in withering strands. His narrow eyes gleamed yellow with slit pupils as he looked on toward the mirror in slight curiosity as he held his chin in thought. "It's certainly ornate," Sheril commented before pausing briefly. "You planning to hang it somewhere?"

To this, the Earl laughed. "Oh, it's to be hung somewhere!" The Earl answered enthusiastically, as he looked on where Devit and Jasdero were beginning to finish up with the rope. "That mirror is made with the souls of a thousand akuma trapped inside. Their restless misery and damnation is so potent that anyone who looks into the mirror will see nothing but the ugliest atrocities in existence!"

Sheril's eyes immediately filled with surprise. "A thousand akuma in a _mirror?_ " He questioned, refrained from asking how. Truthfully, Sheril did not desire to know that part. Akuma were the souls of humans who had never moved on, and often the result of dealings gone awry with the Earl. To think of such a vast number of damned souls lingering in a single object was nothing short of horrific.

The other young man, Tyki, had not yet said anything. He stood slightly back with his arms crossed and an unreadable expression. Like Sheril, Tyki had long dark hair, though his was pulled back in a low ponytail. His eyes were not as narrow, but just as yellow, and his darkened skin contrasted sharply against his white attire.

Looking toward Jasdero and Devit, Tyki finally spoke. "A thousand akuma in a mirror and you're letting the _twins_ get so close to it?" He questioned dully, personally thinking Jasdero and Devit to be nothing short of a safety hazard.

As if on cue, Jasdero's foot caught in some of the rope, causing the blonde twin to trip. Falling down, he giggled madly as a Devit stopped to laugh at the fallen-down minion. Unfazed, the Earl spoke without much concern. "Ah, they know how important it is. Those two could use some more responsibility anyhow."

Tyki raised a brow, but said nothing. Sheril glanced at him and shrugged.

After a few moments, the Earl clapped his hands together. "Alright, my little devil duo! You all done?"

Jasdero nodded eagerly, while Devit grinned. "Yep! We got it all knotted up and secured like you asked!" After a few seconds, Devit's expression then became slightly confused, and inquisitive. "So…what do we do now?"

The Earl said nothing at first. He had gotten quiet suddenly, as though he were thinking about something. Then, he lifted his hand and snapped his fingers loudly. At this moment, there was a loud creak as the ceiling above the notorious group opened slowly, only to reveal the inky black sky as it screamed shrilly with icy winds and crashed with blasts of hail. A shudder of cold wind invasively passed through the room, though Jasdero was the only one to shiver.

Looking back at Devit and Jasdero, the Earl pointed his fingers to the open sky. "Fly her up, boys!"

Instantly, Devit's jaw dropped. "Fly the mirror up? Into _that?!_ " He exclaimed as he pointed to the storm that tore above them. Jasdero looked equally uncomfortable with the idea, and clung close to Devit.

The Earl was unfazed. "That's what I said, wasn't it?" He responded, his tone light but laced with something that made both twins hesitate. "Now, take the mirror up into the storm as high as you can. And be sure _not_ to drop it."

"They're definitely going to drop it," Tyki murmured flatly to no one in particular.

Sheril, however, heard him. He leaned over with a slight smile, eyes gleaming mischievously. "Yes, but I wonder how high they'll make it first?" He posed playfully, before stopping to look around. "Tyki, have you seen my little Road by the way? She's been gone all _day._ "

Tyki's eyes glanced at Sheril before glancing back to where the twins were taking hold of the rope attached to the mirror. "She's playing in that little dream garden of hers I imagine. That's where she was earlier today."

Seemingly satisfied with the answer, Sheril turned to watch the twins as well. Both Devit and Jasdero had each taken hold of sections of the rope, and together kicked their feet off the ground as their bodies lifted into the air. Being inhuman, one of the abilities these creatures had was that of flight, despite being wingless. The twins were slightly clumsy in their actions though, as a few times Jasdero in particular almost lost his grip on the rope causing Devit to struggle.

"Be gentle, you two! That's highly dangerous cargo you're lifting!" The Earl called out as the twin minions continued to fly upward, and eventually into the sky.

Watching still, Tyki remained silent before finally commenting to Sheril, "I give them two minutes before they get knocked out from that storm." Sheril smirked.

Outside, both Devit and Jasdero found themselves immediately attacked by the wintry wind. Sharp bits of ice cut past their skin, and the cold bit at their inhuman flesh viciously. The force of the storm fervently pushed against the two minions, who persistently were trying to fly as high up as possible.

Over the howling storm, Jasdero called out to his brother. "Devittttttt!" He whined, as his next words came out in shivering stutters, "How h-high do we h-have to g-go?"

Also shivering, Devit gritted his teeth. "Damn it, I don't know! He just said as high as we can!"

"C-Can we just say _this_ is as h-high as we c-can?!"

"W-What? NO! We're not even high enough!"

"How do you kn-know what's high enough th-though?!"

"Because I'm older than you! That's how, now stop distracting me!"

Jasdero grimaced, partially from Devit's reaction and partially because of the storm. The tempest screamed in Jasdero's ears, making it hard to even focus on flying, and he could feel his hands numbing as the gripped the rope. A fresh gust of tumultuous wind blasted past the two, and the mirror dangerously swayed as though it may snap from the twins' grasp at any given moment, and Jasdero found himself almost losing his grip.

Clutching the rope tightly, Devit glared over at Jasdero. "Watch it! You almost dropped the stupid mirror!"

"But my hands are cold!"

"Well, so are mine!"

By this point, the twins had actually managed to fly up a fairly high distance. The air around them had thinned, but at the same time was heavily weighed with ice and snow. Both twins were so distracted with each other's arguing that they hardly noticed one of the ropes that secured the mirror was beginning to tear apart, with the icy wind turning the material brittle and weak in the wind.

"Devitttt! I think we've flown h-high enough!"

"Jasdero, we're not even that high-"

 _Snap._

The next moment was a cacophony of events, so much that Devit and Jasdero hardly had time to process the next turn of events. The rope that had been gradually pulling apart finally snapped apart from the frosty tension, and gravity tore the mirror from Devit's grasp. The sudden downfall nearly caused Jasdero to crash down with it, and on impulse the blonde demon instantly released the rope from his nearly frozen hands. The mirror plummeted downward, spiraling down as hail clashed against the glassy surface, sparkling menacingly as it finally crashed into a spike on icy rock on the mountain, shattering into a thousand pieces. The fragments were tiny, and mixed in with the hail; in their masked delicacy, they were then carried away into the wind, dancing far off into the distance.

Still high up, Devit and Jasdero stared in horror, faces pale. Timidly, Jasdero looked over at Devit, a worried look in his large, doll-like eyes. "Um…Devit…?"

Devit was still for a moment, with apprehension growing in his expression. Finally after a moment, he broke. "Shit, shit, shit, SHIT! Shiiiiiiiiiit, Jasdero, we are so dead! So very fucking _dead_!"

"Dead!" Jasdero wailed before also freaking out, "Dead! Dead, dead, dead!"

Down below, the Earl looked up, having witnessed the whole ordeal. Behind him, Tyki and Sheril were also looking, with Sheril wearing a particularly amused expression. "Hm. That didn't take long for them to screw up."

The Earl stroked his chin, gaze still turned upward. "No, not long at all. But long enough to make that impact absolutely _flawless._ "

Blinking, both Tyki and Sheril looked at the Earl with confusion. Neither spoke at first, as both were questioning whether they had even heard the Earl correctly. Finally, it was Tyki who braved the question. "You didn't…?"

"Plan this?" The Earl finished, before laughing heartily. "Well, what did you take me for? You didn't think I'd honestly trust those two with something so precious unless I intended it to be broken, did you? Those two are so lazy that they would not have nearly flown as high if I told them to break it from the start!"

Tyki and Sheril just stared, both shocked by the Earl's words, and then not once it sank in. After all, the Earl _was_ a cunning creature, and was always meticulous in his planning.

Eyes still gazed upward, yellow irises glowed. The Earl's hideous caricature of a smile remained plastered on his face as he watched the fragments of mirror being carried away into the storm, the thought of the chaos about to ensue delighting him to all ends. "This is _sure_ to be interesting." 

* * *

The wind was howling, crying as though it were some wild animal raging in the night. Yuu Kanda was not afraid of the wind though; the eight-year-old in actuality could not care less about how much the wind screamed, or how painfully the cold air bit. He was safe behind a glass window, with the only cold thing within reach the glass itself. Yuu clutched at the wooden window fame, his indigo eyes peering out into the tumultuous winter night. Occasionally he would press his nose upon the glass, allowing the refreshing iciness to chill his skin before pulling back as the numbness set in.

He repeated this process several times.

The little boy was not alone; toward the other side of the living room by the fireplace was an older man called Froi Tiedoll, with light brown, curly hair that was beginning to gray and a bushy mustache. Tiedoll had been preoccupied with a sketchpad, contently working away on some drawing when he suddenly glanced up, noticing the way Yuu would periodically press his face against the chilly glass. Peering through his glasses, Tiedoll looked back down at his current work as he spoke, the sound of a smile in his words. "You may freeze you nose off if you're not careful, Yuu."

Stiffening at Tiedoll's observation, Yuu lowered his face so that his nose now rested against the wooden frame instead of the glass, a small frown formed on his lips. He didn't like being told his nose would freeze off.

When Yuu didn't respond, Tiedoll looked back over at the boy. He could only see the back of Yuu, with his shoulder length-blue black hair gleaming in the firelight like the wings of a raven. For a moment, Tiedoll's expression was thoughtful as he stared at where the boy was before smiling softly. "I'm sure your parents will be back as soon as they can. They probably got held up by the storm is all."

Yuu just crinkled his nose. It was definitely a likely reason his parents had not yet returned – Yuu's mother and father had needed to run some errands that required them to travel to the next town over. A half hour's ride on a good day, so not all that far – but during such a storm one could easily be held up. The woods that separated the towns were hardly sheltering in such weather, and while accidents were not all that common they still were possible.

Yuu wasn't afraid of the weather. But he didn't like his parents being out on nights like this. It made him uneasy.

"They should've been back before sundown," Yuu murmured, more to himself than Tiedoll.

Tiedoll rested his chin in his palm thoughtful as his gaze remained on Yuu. This had not been his first time watching the boy. In fact, Tiedoll was quite close with Yuu's family as he was old friends with Yuu's father. Growing up in the village, both Tiedoll and Izo Kanda had always been close; Tiedoll had actually been the one to officiate the marriage between Yuu's parents, being that he was the priest who now ran the small church that had been cared for by Tiedoll's family for generations.

Setting aside his pencil, Tiedoll sighed. Despite the tough little front Yuu like to put up, Tiedoll could tell the boy was worried. Quietly, he walked over to wear Yuu was and placed a comforting hand on the little boy's head. "Don't worry. I'm sure they just stayed back because of the storm – it wouldn't have been safe for them to travel in such conditions."

These words seemed to ease Yuu as he continued to look out the window. He knew Tiedoll was right (though, he wouldn't dare admit it – despite being eight he had already gained a very prideful disposition), and that most likely his parents had been wary and decided to wait until the storm passed.

Eyes still gazing outward, Yuu watched as the snow and hail flurried about. In a way, they almost reminded him a thousand little white bees buzzing about in the cold night air, buzzing and humming as though they carried some heavy purpose within themselves. For a moment, Yuu entertained the idea of these snow bees having a queen as normal bees did – but just as quickly as the thought had passed into his innocent mind, Yuu found himself pushing the thought of away.

Soon, he began to grow bored of looking out the window. Tiedoll had retired back to his chair by the fireplace, and Yuu could feel his eyes growing heavy. He was not sure how long he had been waiting, but his small body was beginning to covet sleep. Pushing back from the window, he was about to go to his room when he suddenly saw someone approaching the house with a lantern in their hand. Suddenly energized, Yuu bolted up quickly and went to the door, nearly startling an unsuspecting Tiedoll who had been lost to his drawing. "Yuu, what is it-"

Not really paying Tiedoll any mind, Yuu opened the door, honestly expecting to see his mother and father. He came to a sudden stop though, the door only partially opened as he realized the man outside was _not_ his father.

Approaching from behind, Tiedoll gently pulled Yuu aside in order to greet the unexpected visitor. "Ah, Suman! I wasn't expecting anyone to be out in this weather."

The man, Suman Dark, maintained a severe expression that seemed to age his handsome face by several years. He was heavily bundled, and his clothes with coated in white flurries. His eyes seemed tired, and looked as though they were worn from some trial that he had not yet divulged. In fact, Suman appeared as though he meant to say something – but his eyes briefly moved to Yuu, and he found himself unable to speak.

Noticing this, Tiedoll's casualty melted away, as he sensed there was something Suman meant to say. "Suman?"

Looking away from Yuu and back to Tiedoll, Suman locked his gaze with Tiedoll, his eyes conveying something that Yuu could not quite comprehend. Suman did not pay the boy any more mind though, and instead focused his attention completely on Tiedoll. "I need you to come see something," He spoke, his voice soft but laced with a quiet urgency.

Not needing to question the validity of Suman's request, Tiedoll nodded before looking back to Yuu. "Yuu, I need you to stay here. Don't open the door for anyone until I come back, understand?"

At this, Yuu scowled. Why did _he_ have to stay?

But, there was no arguing with Tiedoll. As sweet and as much a pacifist as the man could be, there was a firmness to him that Yuu had a feeling he would lose against. Begrudgingly, the boy nodded, earning a satisfied smile from Tiedoll.

"Good," Tiedoll said, before going to grab his coat and returning to the front door where Suman was. "I'll be back soon," He then added while briefly ruffling Yuu's hair. This caused Yuu to grimace in embarrassment before he watched as the two men departed into the wintry darkness.

Looking out the window, Yuu 's eyes followed the two figures as they walked onward. Once they began to melt away into the thick, snow-infested air, Yuu bolted to grab his coat and gloves, threw up his hood and followed the two men into the cold. 

* * *

As Tiedoll followed Suman, several other men had joined them that had apparently been waiting for Suman to return. This made Tiedoll uneasy, as there was a ominous air looming over the area. It was the feeling that one got in the pit of their stomach when they knew something was horribly amiss, and the longer the silence stretched among the group the worse the feeling became. Looking over to Suman, Tiedoll broke the silence, posing the question he can no longer contain. "What is it you are taking me to see, Suman?"

Suman remained quiet at first, as he continued walking. "Just up this way," He answered, his voice gruff from the cold. "You'll…you'll see."

Tiedoll frowned, but pressed no more.

Continuing to walk with Suman and the other men, the group finally arrived at the river. At first, Tiedoll saw nothing; everything was covered with ice and snow, and the landscape was warped by winter's hand. But then, he saw the tracks that were nearly covered by freshly fallen snow, and the familiar cart that had crashed into the icy river, have submerged beneath the frozen surface.

Chest tightening, Tiedoll could feel his breath stopping in shock.

Suman looked back at Tiedoll with a regretful look in his eyes. "We…we haven't found the bodies yet. But the cart looked like it belonged to…"

Tiedoll nodded mutely before Suman could finish, his eyes nearly blurring at the devastating reality. Already he felt his heart breaking, for no one could have survived such a crash in these temperatures. "Yes, that's….that's Izo and Lien's cart," He confirmed, though the words felt distant in his ears.

Sighing, Suman rubbed his fingers against his forehead. "I didn't want to say anything in front of the boy-"

Tiedoll shook his head. "No, no – it's better you didn't," He answered, mouth dry. He could not begin to imagine how he would break the news to Yuu, or how Yuu would even handle such a thing for that matter. The boy was such a distant child, and aside from his parents he tended to keep to himself more than other children. He never had much interest in the games the other village children played, and the only time Tiedoll had ever really see Yuu enjoy himself was when his family went ice skating or his mother's favorite lotuses were in bloom.

Gathering himself, Tiedoll looked to Suman and the other men. "We'll take a few more minutes to see if we can find the bodies, or the horses – they may have run off somewhere. But if we can't find anything soon we'll resume tomorrow when the storm has passed."

To this the men nodded in agreement, and began to break up into groups to see if they could find anything. 

* * *

Yuu had lost Tiedoll and Suman. By the time he had made it outside their bodies had disappeared into the thick snowfall, and their footprints were already covered with freshly fallen snow. This was incredibly frustrating to Yuu, and at one point he even kicked the snow because he was so frustrated. "Stupid snow," He muttered, highly displeased with how the snow had very rudely complicated his plan to (very disobediently) follow Tiedoll. But he couldn't just _stay_ in the house waiting for Tiedoll – Yuu might have been a child, but he was a perceptive one. And he knew something was _very_ wrong.

A fresh flurry of icy snowflakes brushed against Yuu's face, and he immediately drew his hood tighter around his head. His long hair whipped in the wind, and was becoming damp from the icy storm. Looking around, he tried to catch any glimpse of a lantern – however, his attempts were in vain. Finally, he decided on continuing in the direction he had seen Tiedoll and Suman walking toward, which was the river by the edge of the woods.

It was not long before Yuu was able to make out the trees, barren and lifeless in the winter landscape. In the distance, he could finally see the glow of lanterns, though it was a ways down. He figured that's where Tiedoll and Suman were possibly, and eager to find out just what had happened the eight-year-old began to walk in that direction.

 _"Yuu."_

Yuu stopped suddenly, his head turning around. Confusion laced his dark blue eyes as he looked about. He could have sworn that he just heard someone call his name-

 _"Yuu…"_

 _'There it is again,'_ Yuu thought, his brow furrowing as he continued to look around. The voice he had heard sounded strangely familiar, and had a tone was hypnotically beckoning. Glancing back toward the lighted area where Tiedoll most likely was, Yuu turned and went in a new direction, and followed the strange voice that he had heard.

His feet trekked into an area he had not really ventured into – a part of the woods that most people avoided. Yuu had never been to this area, as he had never had much reason to nor did he have any curiosity to scope the place out. However, he felt a sudden draw into the darkened forest, which was glazed in crystalline frost and glittering icicles. Yuu glanced around as he walked, trying to listen in case he heard the voice again. Or had there been a voice? Yuu bit his lip, and wondered if he should go back. It could have very well been the wind, and he had been getting sleepy prior to Suman's arrival.

" _Yuu…"_

Snapping his head up, Yuu looked around eagerly. The voice was clearer now and sounded closer. Realizing it was coming from the right, Yuu began to walk in that direction, but stopped as his eye caught the sight of something gleaming in the snow.

Bending down, Yuu brushed aside the powdery white snow to reveal a familiar bit of silver. Eyes widened slightly in recognition, as Yuu picked up the silver lotus that he was more than a little familiar with. _'That's….that's my mom's….'_ He realized, recognizing the lotus brooch that his mother always wore.

" _Yuu…"_

Standing up, Yuu held the pin close. In the darkness, he was able to see the outline of a figure he had not yet noticed. Blinking, Yuu peered through the flurries and gradually took a few steps in the voice's direction. As he walked closer, he began to see a familiar silhouette, a familiar dress, a familiar strand of hair. His _mother_.

Relieved, Yuu immediately ran over to where his mother was. He was about to call out, but as he got closer he began to notice something appeared off. It was nothing extensive to the average person, but crucial things that any child would notice about their parents. Perhaps it was the way her eyes gleamed in the shadows, or the dull color to her usually vibrant skin. Or perhaps it was the way her lips refused to smile at the sight or her son, or the uncanny stillness her body maintained.

Drawing to a stop a few feet away, Yuu stared. Just seconds ago he had been so _excited_ to see his mother, but now….now there was a strange knot in the pit of his stomach he couldn't ignore. There was a clasp on his heart that was oddly suffocating, and he felt his body wavering from something other than the cold.

His mother did nothing at first. Still and silent, her glassy eyes lingered on Yuu. Finally, her mouth opened, and reaching out she spoke in a strangely familiar yet ghostly voice, " _Yuu…"_

"Yuu, get away from there!"

Suddenly, what Yuu thought to be his mother screeched shrilly, startling the young boy. Her flesh shifted in color, turning into an ashy blue and her fingers extended into claw-like blades that reminded Yuu of dangerously sharp icicles. Eyes red and face hollow, the creature extended her claws out toward Yuu, who was barely pulled away in time as the claws clipped the edge of his hood.

Tiedoll, who had spotted Yuu and the creature, pulled the boy aside. "Stay back, Yuu," He ordered, his voice more serious than Yuu had ever heard it. Mutely, Yuu obeyed, still in total shock from the sudden string of events occurring. He watched as Tiedoll pulled out a wooden cross; the older man then began to murmur something in a language Yuu could not understand, but it was a language he had heard spoken before when he once overheard Tiedoll saying a prayer for someone at the church. Yuu watched as the cross gave off an ethereal glow, and the creature screeched once more as it retreated back into the icy trees.

As Tiedoll continued his chanting, the cross continued to glow more brightly with each passing second, and the creature tried to shield itself from the culminating light. Tiedoll did not cease though, and the brightness eventually increased so much that even Yuu had to close his eyes as a glowing blast radiated from the cross. The creature let out an agonizing cry, and it's body soon dissolved away into smoldering ashes.

The howling wind halted.

Breathing heavily, Tiedoll took the cross and put it away under his bulky coat. He turned to see a terribly pale Yuu, staring wide-eyed with complete shock on his face. The boy was simply standing there, with his blue eyes colored with horrified confusion as his dark hair clung damply to his tiny face.

Tiedoll felt his heart twist. While he was definitely upset that Yuu had wandered out on his own, Tiedoll found himself even more upset over the events that had just transpired. His expression was somber, and his eyes doused in remorse as he looked at the now traumatized child who stood there before him. Silently, Tiedoll walked over to Yuu, and knelt down in front of the boy. He stared at the child for a moment; Yuu had a glazed look in his eyes as though his very innocence had been marred. Eyes watery, Tiedoll pulled the child close. He then picked up Yuu; the child was incredibly tense, and so much that Tiedoll thought he could feel the boy trembling, his small body feeling incredibly fragile in Tiedoll's arms. Tenderly, the man stroked the child's back, and began to walk home.

Yuu simply remained silent the whole way there.


	2. Church Tenant

**Lotus in the Snow (Snow Queen AU)**

 **Chapter One**  
 _Church Tenant_

November was cold, but not enough for it to snow – not this early, at least. The earth's soil was beginning to harden from the frost, but life still clung to fragmented blades of grass. Leaves, brown and dry, clasped in their brittle form to the tangled branches of trees. Nests were gradually becoming barren as birds flew south, and the flowers and plant life had begun to shrink back into the morning frost, warning of a winter to come.

A late autumn breeze brushed past Yuu Kanda, his blue-black bangs falling into his eyes. He hated it when it got cold, and hated it even more when it became winter. The season had absolutely nothing to offer but complications and annoyances in his experience: lack of life, lack of food, lack of work. Well, perhaps that last bit was not _quite_ true – Kanda could always find work. It was not necessarily easy, but Kanda would be damned if he was reduced to stagnancy. He had never been a person to remain at at the mercy of the elements to the point of confinement, and in the end he had developed an odd talent for finding ways to keep busy.

The breeze continued to tauntingly sway branches and dried leaves until a quiet _snap_ occurred; faded mahogany leaves broke off and cascaded downward into the masses of dried twigs that had collected among the ground. Occasionally they would be lifted back up with the wind, scraping each other lightly like scraps of dried parchment frail with age.

Daisya Barry was the one who stopped several of the leaves from continuing their migration, with his foot stepping down on them. The sharp crunch could be heard against the whispering wind, and Daisya frowned as he looked down at the recently deceased foliage. His face was thin and angled, with a pointed chin and a prominent nose. Naturally slanted eyes peered from under a dark hood, of which a silver bell hung from the back point. "Ugh. I swear this time of year everything looks so depressing," He commented as he looked down at the fragmented leaves before glancing over at his comrade. "Eh, Kanda?"

Kanda didn't respond, nor did he intend to. This was not off-putting to Daisya, as he knew the most of an answer he probably would have received would have been a grunt, or maybe a bit of dry sarcasm if Kanda was in a good mood.

Not that he was in a good mood ever, really. Daisya had known Kanda for a little over a year now, and had not once seen the guy crack a smile. Well, he had seen Kanda _smirk_ \- but smirking wasn't the same as smiling. Kanda was a bit of a mystery though, and while Daisya was sometimes curious as to what his story was Daisya himself never really asked. He had tried once before when he had just met Kanda, but Daisya was quickly given the cold shoulder, causing him to accept that learning anything about Kanda was a battle he would never win.

Sometimes he wondered. But Daisya never asked. Not anymore.

Rubbing the back of his hooded head, Daisya looked up at the overcast sky. It was gray, but had an odd, yellow hue to it that gave it an ill-colored undertone. "It's going to be a rough winter this year. The earth is starting to get hard," He observed, still talking despite Kanda's perpetual silence. Once more, Daisya looked back at Kanda. "You know it's almost starting to feel like a black winter. That's what they call it when the earth gets really cold before snow comes."

Long accepting that he wouldn't get much of a conversation out of Kanda, Daisya just kept talking, stretching his arms slightly as he stretched both arms out behind his head. "Not going to lie. If it does get to be that bad I'm considering heading back south to where I'm originally from. My Mediterranean blood isn't made for this kind of weather," He continued, with a slight grin appearing on his face. "It's kind of ironic. I freakin' hated my hometown when I was a kid, and here I am thinking of going back for a bit."

Daisya lowered his arms, and glanced back up at the guess. Narrow, almond eyes stared into the slowly moving clouds that looked as though they were a veil of pale charcoal gauze. "Maybe I'll try to turn a blind eye and stop chasing those monsters for a bit. Or at least for the winter. They're such a pain then."

It was this comment that caused Kanda's gaze to shift over to Daisya. Blue eyes the color of indigo steel peered over from beneath dark, silken bangs. Kanda's expression was never anything that could be thought of as theatrical, but there was enough of a disapproving look in his frigid gaze to emphasize that he did not agree with Daisya's words. Turning his face away, he allowed for a string of words both sharp and blunt to depart from his lips. "So you're going to try to play ignorant then."

Daisya laughed. It wasn't the most pleasant-sounding laugh, but it was oddly careless in spite of Kanda's dig. "Damn, you're brutal sometimes!" He observed with yet another grin. Eyes gleamed as he spoke his words, yet Daisya's expression soon shifted slightly. "I mean…shit. You know, there's always going to be akuma around. We can't destroy every single one," He spoke, his words oddly lower than that had been only seconds before. "Maybe we should live for ourselves for a bit."

"Hn," Came Kanda's grunted response, as he calmly contained his distaste for the notion. "It's not about destroying every single one. It's about destroying what we can."

Despite the evenness of his tone, there was a harshness to Kanda's words. Daisya's face became pensive as his mouth formed into a thin line. He wasn't unscathed by Kanda's rough personality, but there was a spark within Kanda during this particular instant. It was odd, and like when he had first met him Daisya now felt himself questioning just what drove Kanda.

Daisya briefly entertained the notion of questioning Kanda like he had before, but thought better of it. "You know," He started, "We _are_ only human. It's okay for us to live a little."

To this Kanda said nothing. Daisya sighed.

"Look," Daisya started, throwing a glance in Kanda's direction, "I'm not saying I'm quitting the good fight. But I need to go back home for a bit." He took a moment to pause, with a somewhat wry smile on his face. "Not that I'm sure there's anything for me to go back to. But maybe my family is still there with that stupid shop I used to hate so much."

Kanda was quiet. He had not turned to even throw a glance at Daisya, and instead was staring off into the sky as though his mind had returned to elsewhere. The wind gently blew several long locks of hair that hung around his fair face like the feathers of an inky raven while the rest was pulled back in a long ponytail. Eyes distant, a look of neutrality remained on Kanda – although Daisya suspected otherwise was going on in that mysterious mind he would never understand.

Daisya turned to look south. If he was going to start heading back to where he came from, he would need to leave soon in order to avoid the onset of winter. The northern countries were nowhere near as forgiving during this time as the southern countries were, and Daisya had experienced enough snow to be satisfied with never seeing the stuff ever again.

He turned back to Kanda. "You can come with me, if you want," Daisya offered casually, and meaning it too. "It may do that shitty mood of yours some good."

Peering over at Daisya, Kanda shot him an icy glare before looking away. "You don't have to offer. I have somewhere I can go."

At this, Daisya raised an eyebrow. "Oh? I didn't think you had a home to go back to."

"That's not what I said."

Quieting, Daisya hesitated at first. He found himself hoping that Kanda may elaborate, since this was the closest he had ever gotten to learning anything about the enigma. Kanda was an intriguing character like that: he was young, only about the same age as Daisya who himself was nineteen, and yet the raven-haired mystery seemed to carry some hidden weight on his shoulders that Daisya could not put a name to. Unfortunately, Daisya was left to wonder as Kanda did _not_ elaborate, and instead returned to his usual silence.

Deciding to just drop it, Daisya gave a toothy grin. "Well, it's good to hear you have somewhere to go at least."

"I was fine before I met you, wasn't I?"

The words came sharply, and had a slight irritability to them, which yet again slightly surprised Daisya. Still, he smirked, finding Kanda's agitation a tad more amusing than it probably should have been. "Yeah, I guess you were," He conceded before starting off. "Well I'm out of here. Snow and me don't really see eye to eye."

Before getting too far, Daisya waved as he walked on. "Maybe I'll see you around – good luck with whatever you're trying to accomplish, man."

Kanda did not even bother to wave back. It wasn't like he was that close with Daisya, although the Turk _had_ been the only person Kanda felt he could stand in a long while. Daisya may have run his mouth incessantly, but at least he was a skilled fighter who knew how to hold his own. Kanda could respect that much at the very least.

Still, it wasn't enough to warrant a heartfelt goodbye.

Without any further hesitation, Kanda started in the opposite direction, never once looking back.

* * *

Night had come, dark and enveloping all beneath it. The sun had melted into the west, and the sky was painted a starless black. Tiedoll didn't mind though – he was not a man who was easily intimidated by the darkness, and he found an odd sense of peace during such late hours. He would have preferred for the moon to be out, as the moon was often good for artistic inspiration. But for now, the cloudy darkness would have to suffice.

Tiedoll pulled his coat close. The nights were becoming especially cold, and he could often see his breath as he exhaled. November had yet to bring the full onset of winter though, and autumn still was lingering about. For this most people in the village were grateful, including Tiedoll himself. It was not that he had any severe aversion to winter, but it could be a hard season to get through.

He hoped this winter wouldn't be too difficult.

Walking on, Tiedoll took in the gentle quiet of the night air. He had just left the church after staying a bit longer than he intended and had started on his way back home before he decided to take a little detour and go for a walk. Along with the occasional inspiration such strolls provided, they also helped to clear the mind and rejuvenate the spirit. More than once Tiedoll had found himself stopping to say a silent prayer, as he felt these walks offered a good opportunity to do such. Tiedoll had been doing a lot of praying as of late it seemed, and even more so in the past year and a half. That was when Kanda had left.

Silently, Tiedoll sighed. He did not know what had happened to Kanda. The boy had ventured off just prior to his eighteenth summer, wordlessly and without any real warning. It had only been when Tiedoll stopped by to check in on the boy that he noticed the unusual stillness of house he was residing in. Tiedoll could still recall the ghostly vacancy he had felt upon entering, and how all signs of life had mysteriously vanished from sight.

Tiedoll would have been lying if he said this did not upset him. Following the loss of Kanda's parents, Tiedoll had taken the child in as though he were his own son, raising him and doing all he could to be as much of a family to the child as possible. Of course, Tiedoll did not expect to _replace_ Kanda's family by any means – the role of a parent was a precious one, and Tiedoll knew that the trauma Kanda had experienced with losing his family so young had left a mark on the boy. Needless to say, while Kanda's sudden departure had hurt the Tiedoll he could also not say he was all that surprised. Over the years there had been a restlessness that had been brewing within Kanda. The boy never really spoke about it (he never really spoke much about anything), but Tiedoll had been able to see the signs clearly enough.

If anything, Tiedoll should have known it was only a matter of time before Kanda would leave.

This didn't stop Tiedoll from worrying. He had not so much as received a letter from Kanda, and had absolutely no idea where he was or if he was even still alive. He liked to believe Kanda was taking care of himself just fine – the boy always _had_ been the independent sort.

It was at this moment that Tiedoll actually happened to be passing by the house where Kanda and his family had originally lived in. A wave of nostalgia passed through Tiedoll, as he could remember coming to visit Izo and Lien there even before Kanda had been born. After their death, he had been faced with the responsibility of what to do with the house, but ultimately tried to maintain it. Because Kanda had been so young at the time, Tiedoll had simply stayed with the boy there until he had gotten old enough to look after himself – and even then, Tiedoll still checked on him often.

A chilly breeze passed by, and Tiedoll contemplated turning back toward his own home. He was just about to do this, when a sudden bit of movement caught his eye. He had almost missed it, but it had been there: a shadow creeping silently back behind the house.

A small frown formed on Tiedoll's lips. _That_ certainly looked suspicious.

Crime was rare in the village, or in the whole area for that matter. People were typically good-natured from all that Tiedoll had experienced, and crime only seemed to be more common if one were to venture into more urban areas such as cities or larger towns. That didn't mean crime never happened – but it was an unusual occurrence.

Tiedoll wasn't going to risk anything though. Even though it was not his home, he felt responsible for it in a way, and was not pleased with the thought of someone creeping around and possibly vandalizing the property.

Careful as to not make any noise, Tiedoll approached the house and made his way around the back where he had seen the shadow disappear. He listened for any footsteps or other noises that may have betrayed the perpetrator's location, but his ears were only met with the occasional whistle of wind or the rustling of a nearby tree. Tiedoll's guard remained up, and his body felt slightly tense as he found the backdoor of which had somehow been unlocked. Odd.

Gently, Tiedoll pushed the door open, the faint creak of wood almost completely inaudible. He was greeted by a darkened room, of which his eyes were already struggling to adjust to. He could sense there was someone – or something – close though, and he almost found himself preparing to reach for his cross in case the threat was greater than that of some city vagabond on the run.

Entering further in, Tiedoll had yet to see anyone. His senses sought for any hint as to where the intruder may have gone, but then the sound of something moving caught his attention. Approach an entry way that led into a little hall, Tiedoll prepared himself for just about anything. He hesitated, then quickly rounded the corner only to be nearly hit by something.

Swiftly, Tiedoll blocked the blow – a pale fist attached to a strong arm. Peering through the darkness, recognition filled Tiedoll's eyes, followed by complete and total surprise.

"Kanda?"

* * *

"You know, it _is_ technically your house. You didn't have to sneak in through the back."

Kanda shrugged. He was currently seated at the table with his jacket causally thrown over the back of the chair. Elbows on the table, he was resting his chin in the palm of one hand while he kept his eyes closed. Kanda didn't really see what the problem with using the back door was – he _always_ used the back door, even when he was a little kid. And with how dark it was it wasn't as though Kanda had actually thought anyone would notice him going around through the back.

Tiedoll ran a hand through his gray curls as he sat across from Kanda. It was a bit surreal seeing the boy after so long, and while it had only been a year and a half since Tiedoll had seen him Kanda had still changed quite a bit. He looked as though he had gotten a little taller, and his hair a little longer. Tiedoll didn't say it aloud, but Kanda's face also looked….harder. Colder. And it made Tiedoll sad.

Offering Kanda a thoughtful look, Tiedoll spoke. "I was beginning to wonder if I'd see you anytime soon. You just up and disappeared like an apparition on me," He said, with a soft smile on his face. Even though Kanda had inevitably hurt Tiedoll, the man was still grateful to be seeing the boy alive. "You could have written you know. Give an old man some peace of mind."

At this Kanda opened his eyes. He looked at Tiedoll, then moved his gaze off to the side. Kanda would never admit to it in a million years, but a tinge of guilt swept through him. His ego was far more potent though, and rather than an apology the young man gave a stiff response. "I didn't have time to write."

Tiedoll raised an eyebrow. Obviously, he didn't buy it, so he took another route. "Oh? Well are you going to at least tell me where you were the past year and a half?"

"Does it matter?" Kanda countered, irritability trickling into his words.

Kanda's response caused a silence to fall between him and Tiedoll, and for a moment the room felt tense. It was not that Kanda was angry at Tiedoll for asking – he supposed the man had to right to wonder. But considering the amount of traveling Kanda had just done and the fact that he couldn't remember the last time he had even eaten….well, he just wasn't in a good mood and really wanted to go to sleep.

It was at times like these that Tiedoll's patience came in handy. Most people would have gotten incredibly frustrated dealing with someone like Kanda, but Tiedoll had experienced the boy's intensive mood swings for eleven years now. Tiedoll was not going to let Kanda off too easily though, and with and sharp gaze he looked at Kanda. "You've been hunting akuma."

Kanda glanced at Tiedoll, but looked away. Oh, he could just _feel_ a lecture coming…

As though Tiedoll could read Kanda's mind, the man sighed and started. "Kanda…"

"I don't need a lecture on this-"

Tiedoll was not dissuaded. Ignoring Kanda's interjection, he continued. "I understand what you're doing, but this crusade is not something that can be accomplished in a single lifetime."

Kanda crossed his arms, as he was already in an even fouler mood than he had been in just seconds before. The last thing he had wanted was some kind of obnoxious lecture when it was damn near midnight.

"Destroying an akuma as a means of protection is one thing, but there are countless numbers of them. You just can't destroy every single one."

Immediately, Kanda recalled Daisya's own words.

 _"There's always going to be akuma around. We can't destroy every single one."_

Kanda glared, but said nothing more. In the candlelight, his body appeared tense, and a scorching anger quietly seethed within him as he clenched his fist. He did not understand how Tiedoll or Daisya could simply continue on with their lives, acting as though there was no need to take action. A large part of Kanda genuinely wanted to articulate these thoughts, and to even accuse Tiedoll of just letting the akuma thrive – but that would do nothing. Kanda knew that as mellow a personality as Tiedoll had he was also as firm as stone when it came to his viewpoints. Arguing would do nothing but escalate, and Kanda really did not have the energy to engage in such an interaction.

Tiedoll himself could sense the deepening agitation within Kanda. Either Kanda was more expressive that he realized, or Tiedoll was just so used to dealing with Kanda that he had learned how to read every aspect of the young man's body language. Tiedoll suspected it was probably a combination of the two.

Rubbing his forehead, Tiedoll inhaled softly. "Look, I can't dictate what you ultimately choose to do," He conceded, before looking back over at Kanda, "I just don't want you to waste your life away chasing what you can't accomplish."

Kanda's muscled seemed to decrease in their tension at these words, and a flicker of softness returned to his eyes, though he still averted Tiedoll's gaze.

Seeing the opportunity, Tiedoll continued. "Kanda, why don't you come back and stay at my house tonight? There's food there, and you can get yourself better situated in the morning."

Kanda's indigo eyes met Tiedoll's briefly before focusing on the burning candle beside them. He could see the offer was genuine by the levels of compassion that lingered in Tiedoll's eyes. However, Kanda had been taken care of by the man enough as it was, and he didn't need to increase his debt any further. "I'm not some eight-year-old kid who needs to be taken care of anymore."

"I know that. And you're right – I'm sure you already have everything you need here so you won't starve in the morning. You're probably good on money I assume, so you really shouldn't need me for anything I suppose."

Kanda stared blankly at Tiedoll. _'Damn him,'_ He thought, knowing very well the reverse psychology tactic Tiedoll was pulling. Kanda knew he should have built an immunity to it by now, but already he was falling victim to the same method Tiedoll had always used on him – especially since Tiedoll had a point. It wasn't like hunting down akuma was a job that paid.

Arms still crossed, Kanda exhaled. "Whatever," He muttered, to which Tiedoll smiled. Coming from Kanda, a "whatever" was just as good as a "yes."

* * *

Kanda would never admit it aloud, but he was actually glad to be spending the night at Tiedoll's. There was a comfort to being there that surpassed returning to a cold, empty house. Maybe it was because despite the attitude Kanda had taken up with Tiedoll he still felt some appreciation for all the man had done for him. He may not have seen eye to eye with Tiedoll on some things, but Kanda could never forget the amount of time and effort Tiedoll had put into helping Kanda readjust after the loss of his parents.

Tiedoll lived in a small abode right by the church. It was homey and comforting in its aesthetic; "quaint" would probably have been the best way to describe it. With one main level, it had a single bedroom where Tiedoll slept, a little area for his "artwork" (which was kept surprisingly orderly), and a loft above where Kanda would be able to crash for the night. There was also a small kitchen area of which Tiedoll had generously granted Kanda complete access to, and to which Kanda was sure to take Tiedoll up on.

Not long after they had arrived, Tiedoll excused himself. Kanda was not bothered by this, as he too was growing tired. But Tiedoll made it clear he didn't want Kanda trying to skip out of town before they could at least somewhat visit, and Kanda begrudgingly held back on the urge to argue.

Once Tiedoll bid a goodnight, Kanda was left alone in the kitchen. He took a moment to reflect, to think about just _what_ exactly he was even doing back in the place he had told himself he would never return to. Kanda had really not anticipated coming back to the village; aside from Tiedoll, Kanda did not have any close relationships with anyone there. Growing up he had kept to himself while maintaining a prominent distance from the majority of people. This had been mostly of Kanda's own doing, as he had been easily annoyed by the pettiness of his young peers and the pitying glances the adults threw his way when they thought he had not been looking. Kanda had soon become nothing more than "that poor boy who lost his parents" in the village. He had soon become the orphan child who was subject to occasional gossip, and the outcast boy who would be invited to play with other children because they felt _sorry_ for him.

God, Kanda had _hated_ it.

He had hated Tiedoll, too. Even when the man had first tried to take him in and help take care of Kanda, the boy had immediately pushed the man away. Kanda could still remember that terrible winter's night where his world had been smashed into a million pieces, and how as soon as Tiedoll had brought him home Kanda had hid under the covers in his bedroom and just silently cried until his body had run dry. Like the weak child he was, Kanda had tried to hide away from everything. He had tried so hard to forget the biting cold of frost he had felt, or the ugly red eyes of the monster that wore his mother's lovely face. He had tried so hard to forget that shrill scream, or the ghostly way it called his name.

 _"Yuu…"_

That was when Kanda had stopped going by his first name. He never wanted anyone to call him "Yuu" ever again.

With some time, Kanda had started to snap out of the shock. It took a while, but after repeated attempts by Tiedoll to get the child to come out of his room Kanda finally started to respond more. He even went as far as to slightly warm up to Tiedoll. It was nothing too extreme, but it was enough to give Tiedoll some piece of mind. It had been a bit startling to the priest when Kanda requested that Tiedoll teach him about the akuma, but after a while Tiedoll obliged. He supposed it was only fair the boy understand what had taken his parents away from him.

That was how Kanda came to learn about exorcism, and how such a practice could be used to destroy akuma.

At first, Tiedoll had not given much information to Kanda on that specific topic, as Kanda had still been fairly young at the time. But eventually Kanda was able to learn; he discovered through Tiedoll that exorcists were individuals who were trained to combat such demons with weapons that had been blessed by a substance known as "innocence." A mysterious composition, Kanda had immediately developed an interest in it that Tiedoll was wary of.

 _"How do you get innocence?"_

Tiedoll looked up from his desk, and the sermon he had been working on. In the doorway stood a ten-year-old Kanda, with a strangely serious look in his eyes.

Blinking, Tiedoll paused, seemingly uncertain as to how to answer the boy's question. "Well, you can't really 'get' innocence," Tiedoll started, not too sure as to what had stimulated Kanda's inquiry. "It chooses its accommodator."

"But how?"

Leaning back, Tiedoll stroked his chin. He was eying Kanda observantly when he finally answered. "No one really knows – the innocence is an entity all its own," Tiedoll explained before giving Kanda a serious look. "I hope you aren't thinking of seeking it out yourself. It's a dangerous thing to be involved with, and there are other means of protecting yourself against akuma."

Kanda bristled slightly, his body language already beginning to get defensive. "But you have innocence-"

"Kanda."

Kanda stopped immediately. Tiedoll did not play the strict parental role often, but when he did it was done with a quiet but potent force that Kanda would rather not mess with.

Biting his tongue, the boy remained quiet, knowing that he would not get anywhere with this conversation.

A tense moment passed before Tiedoll spoke once more, his voice more gentle than before. "I think we've talked of this enough for now. It's late, and you should be in bed."

That had been how a large portion of their conversations regarding innocence and akuma had gone for quite some time after that.

Quietly, Kanda glanced over to the few belongings he had with him – which was barely anything really. His coat, a small lightweight bag, and a sheathed sword leaning against the wall. _'Mugen…'_

Shaking his head, Kanda tried to clear his mind. He had done enough thinking, and any more of it on a sleep-deprived body and an empty stomach would only result in a wretched headache.

Looking through the kitchen, Kanda quickly scoped out something to eat. He had been momentarily distracted by the fact that there were quite a few jars of mayonnaise in the cabinet – which was odd, considering Kanda couldn't recall Tiedoll _ever_ using mayonnaise for anything. Shrugging it off, Kanda settled on some stew that Tiedoll had set aside, which tasted incredibly delicious at room temperature (though Kanda may have just been too famished to really care).

Once that was done and all taken care of, Kanda found himself to be…more energized. More awake. _'Fucking hell,'_ He mentally cursed, realizing he probably wouldn't be able to sleep now. He immediately blamed his irregular sleep schedule, which was minimal and inconsistent. Since Kanda had been traveling so much and dealing with akuma, there was a high level of unpredictability in the way his day-to-day activities would go. This was where having someone around like Daisya had been helpful, as it had been an extra pair or eyes to stay awake when one exorcist needed to rest.

Except now Kanda felt restless. _Really_ restless.

Despite the late hour, Kanda grabbed his coat and his sword (more out of habit than anything else). He figured at the very least a walk would help, and dilute the surge of energy he had just received.

Outside, the air was cold. It was colder than it had been even an hour ago, and Kanda could see his breath clearly in the darkness. The sky was still inky, with the clouds obstructing any sign of the moon or stars. Kanda frowned, wishing that the sky could have at least given him _something._

Brushing his dark bangs out of his eyes, Kanda noticed the small church right near by. Since it was the church Tiedoll's family had always taken care of, Tiedoll naturally lived right by it. It was also the same church Kanda had retreated to whenever he felt the need to collect himself. Kanda was not a particularly religious person – in fact, he was probably more scornful of the idea of a higher power than he was not. But the church itself had a soothing presence, and Kanda had often found himself hiding away there when night fell.

Perhaps that was what was drawing him to the church now.

The main door to the church was unlocked, which was not surprising. Kanda's next steps were almost taken entirely out of muscle memory as he immediately went for the same pew he always sat in. It was one close to the window, which was laced with stained glass that allowed for some faint color to trickle in through the darkness. It was nowhere near as noticeable or heavenly when it was daylight hours, but it was pretty nevertheless.

Leaning forward so his elbows were on the back of the next pew in front of him, Kanda pulled out a silver lotus pin. Gingerly, he ran his fingers over the intricate design as his indigo eyes ran over the detailed craftsmanship.

Clasping his fist around the pin, Kanda leaned his head foreward so his face was downward. Why _was_ he here? Kanda realized he had not actually had to come back – just because Daisya had retreated back to where his home supposedly was had not meant that Kanda needed to do the same. Not that the village felt like a home, necessarily. It was likely an ungrateful way to feel, especially when Kanda had someone like Tiedoll in his life who had been willing to stick by him.

However, Kanda couldn't forget. He couldn't forget that while this may have been the place he was born, it was the place where he had lost everything. Homes were not meant to be places where you lost everything.

Silently, Kanda tried to go over what he should do next. He at least owed Tiedoll some time to talk, but perhaps Kanda could possibly leave right after. It was not as though anyone could actually stop him.

At some point the church had seemed to begin its magic, as Kanda could feel his previous restlessness decreasing. Even with his chaotic thoughts that were repeatedly attempting to organize themselves Kanda could feel his eyes closing. _'It's…so quiet here…'_

"You alright there?"

Eyes immediately opening, Kanda's reflexes kicked in as he turned sharply, standing and pulling out his sword on impulse. Body tense from being so startled, his eyes immediately locked on the individual he had drawn his sword on. A young man, who appeared to be the same age as Kanda, stood. He had a peculiar look, with messy and unkempt hair that was dark brown-black with an almost maroon undertone. His skin would have probably been a warmer cream, if not for the fact that all the color had been drained from his face. A long scar skidded across his nose, of which the tip of Kanda's sword was nearly touching.

While the stranger was clearly no threat, Kanda held his sword in place. He didn't take well to people sneaking up on him.

"Uh, s-sorry," The stranger stuttered out nervously, his bright blue eyes still wide with shock as he looked at the sword cautiously, "Uh…hehe, you were just kinda sitting there and…I, uh wanted…to make sure you were ok?"

Kanda stared at the young man (though _boy_ seemed more fitting to Kanda with how stupid the stranger was sounding) with a cool gaze for a moment. Finally, he lowered his sword and placed it back into its sheathe. He did this without any words, before Kanda glanced back at the boy. "Don't piss yourself," He commented bluntly.

A bright blush painted the stranger's features, clearly embarrassed by Kanda's words. "I'm not going to!" He snapped back. He tried to compose himself before looking back at Kanda, but the fact that he was flustered was still evident. "Anyways, who actually draws a _sword_ on random people? You almost sliced my face open!"

The young man's words did not have much effect on Kanda, as he simply stared at the frazzled stranger with a disinterested look. "Hn," He grunted, before making a move to walk away. Kanda had not come to the church at such an ungodly hour to deal with some whacky guy who was creeping about.

The stranger, however, was not content with Kanda's reaction. "That's all you have to say? Hey, you can't just attack people like that and walk away!"

Obviously, this guy had never met someone like Kanda.

Obviously.

Stopping, Kanda turned to shoot an icy glare back at the boy. The look was intimidating enough that the stranger did shut up, as he was clearly a bit taken aback by the deadly stare he was receiving.

Unfortunately for Kanda, this death glare did not deter the stranger from opening his mouth again. This time a look of interest emerged in the boy's sky blue eyes, which seemed to sparkle with a sudden intrigue. "Wait…are you like a mercenary or something?" He asked, with curiosity softly leaking through his voice. Excitement then seemed to fill him as he immediately began jumping to conclusions. "Wow, that's so crazy! I mean that has to be it, right? Like with how you're all tense and everything-

Kanda twitched. What. The. Hell.

"-and _super_ paranoid. But I guess you would have to be if that's the kind of work you do-"

He was in a church. Kanda was in a church, and he had to remember he couldn't kill anyone.

"-and all. But what's it like? I bet you get to travel a lot-"

For the second time that night, Kanda drew his sword and purposely pointed it directly back at the young man's face. Once more, the stranger was startled, his words instantly dissolving into shocked silence. Slowly, Kanda allowed for the tip of his sword to graze the side of the boy's face, who was eying the sword's point nervously.

Staring darkly, Kanda spoke. "Unless you want me to add to that scar you have on your face, I suggest you shut the hell up," He threatened, his words low and imposing.

Kanda held this position, and even traced the blade along the side of the stranger's face softly before pulling his weapon away. The stranger let out a breath of relieved air. "You….really shouldn't do that to people," The stranger murmured quietly, despite the blatant threat Kanda had just given him.

Kanda had to fight the urge to slice the stranger's tongue out. Turning slightly, he sent a disapproving look. " _You_ shouldn't be hiding in churches in the middle of the night."

The boy blinked confusedly. "But…isn't that what you were doing?"

 _'This little bastard has a death wish_ ,' Kanda thought, using every ounce of willpower he had to restrain himself.

If the stranger noticed Kanda's repressed anger, he did not care – or perhaps he was just oblivious. Either way, the words continued to spill from his lips as though there was no end to them. "Anyways, I wasn't _hiding._ I live here."

At this point Kanda gave the young man an incredulous look. "Oh really?" He questioned dully, the disbelief clear as a bell in his voice.

Picking up on Kanda's skepticism, the stranger stiffened, a flustered look returning to his boyish features. "Yeah, really! Is that a problem?"

"It's a problem because you're _lying,_ " Kanda answered coolly. "Froi Tiedoll's family has taken care of this church for years, so it's technically his property. So unless-"

"But Tiedoll _lets_ me live here!"

This caused Kanda to stop as he raised an eyebrow. So this guy knew Tiedoll? Silently, Kanda wondered if the stranger was just saying such, or if there was any truth to his words. "Tiedoll lets you live in this church?" He questioned, still with a hint of disbelief.

The stranger was seemingly pleased with this opportunity to speak, and nodded. "Yeah, he lets me stay here and I help take care of it – not that it's any of _your_ business," The young man responded, with a slight snap at the end of his words. "How do you even know Tiedoll? I've never seen _you_ around-"

"And that's none of _your_ business," Kanda snapped back, mercilessly throwing the boy's words back in his face.

The young man frowned, but said nothing. Kanda thus saw this as his chance to leave, and started off.

"Wait, where are you going?" The stranger soon called after, apparently for whatever reason wanting to still engage in the verbal combat that had ensued.

Without looking back, Kanda answered as he kept walking. "I didn't come here to talk to creepy vagabonds in the middle of the night," He responded, words harsh.

Although Kanda could not see it, the boy was glaring, completely put off by the rudeness he had just endured. "I'm not a creepy vagabond, and I have a name!" He called after once more, but was only answered with silence, as Kanda had already departed. "It's…Alma…"

* * *

 **AN:** So this update took way longer, not because I didn't have it written but because I was having _a lot_ of issues trying to upload it onto FF. Though I eventually found out it was my browser. _ Some of you may have noticed I'm updating this on AO3 as well, and I'll hopefully post the next chapter shortly.

Really slow start with this though. The first few chapters will probably be pretty slow since it's all set up (doesn't help that I also am just the kind of writer that likes writing long-winded things - guess it's my therapy). For those of you brave enough to read through it kudos to you. 3


	3. Pins and Needles

**Lotus in the Snow (Snow Queen AU)**

 **Chapter Two**  
 _Pins and Needles_

When Kanda woke up the next morning it took him a few minutes to recall just where he was. Having been used to sleeping outside or makeshift shelters, waking up indoors somewhere had momentarily thrown him off. He was not used to the soft cot he could feel beneath his back, or the luxury of blankets that he had been without for months. It was a comforting and an alarming sensation all at once, though upon remembering where he was Kanda found himself able to relax.

 _'That's right….I ended up at Tiedoll's…'_

It hadn't been what Kanda had initially planned to do. Since Kanda had not anticipated staying long in the area, he had originally just wanted to sneak into his old house to avoid anyone running into him. It would have been an alright place to crash for the night while Kanda re-evaluated what he was going to do next – but since Tiedoll had caught him, that game plan had dissolved fairly quickly. After Kanda's abrupt departure so long ago he just knew that Tiedoll would be persistent about him staying for a least a little bit.

Kanda ran a hand through his dark hair as he stared up at the ceiling. He should have realized he would not have been able to get in and out of the village without _someone_ seeing him.

 _'I should have just gone and hid in the chur-'_

He stopped mid-thought as he suddenly recalled a messy-haired boy with sky blue eyes.

Shit. That wouldn't have worked either.

A wave of irritation passed through Kanda. The strange boy in the church had agitated Kanda to no end, and what was worse was that the idiot was somehow _oblivious_ to it. Kanda could not fathom how someone who was being pointed at with a bloody sword could still run their mouth like a broken chatterbox. Hell, Kanda had practically had not even been subtle in his desire to be left alone, yet the stranger had still persisted to try to talk to Kanda.

Frowning, Kanda realized his previous sanctuary at the church would probably be no more. _'How annoying…'_

Kanda figured he would probably have to ask Tiedoll when he saw him about the odd tenant that had taken up residency in the church. A part of him was genuinely curious as to whether or not the stranger had been truthful in his claim that Tiedoll was allowing for him to live there.

If the stranger had been lying, Kanda would have _loved_ to be the one to kick him out.

Some shuffling down below on the main floor caused Kanda's ears to perk up. Since the loft he was staying it was an open space, he could hear just about anything going on, including when anyone was awake and moving about. Knowing that it was just Tiedoll down below, Kanda did not leave from his restful position and actually contemplated going back to sleep. His body felt unusually worn out and sore – Kanda briefly wondered if it was because for the first time in weeks he had been able to sleep soundly. He had not had time to allow his body to truly rest before last night.

Alas, Kanda remaining still for too long was the equivalent of a flame attempting to burn without oxygen. It just wasn't possible.

Ignoring his body's desire for more sleep, Kanda forced himself up. Not bothering to use the ladder that led up to the small loft, he instead jumped down, landing gracefully on the floor below.

Tiedoll, who had been seated at the table, looked up. "Ah, I was wondering when you'd wake up."

Kanda blinked, trying to mask the lingering weariness in his eyes. "What time is it?"

"About a quarter to noon."

Inwardly, Kanda cringed at how late he had slept in. "You should have woken me."

Tiedoll merely shrugged, not sharing the concern that Kanda evidently felt. "I figured you needed the rest – you seemed quite worn out last night," He answered before returning to write something down in a notebook. From what Kanda could see, it looked as though he were taking notes on some biblical passages.

Wordlessly, Kanda sat down at the table. He was rubbing his forehead gently, noticing that he had still awoken with a slight headache for whatever reason. Immediately, his mind returned to the chatterbox from the church, causing Kanda's mood to sour slightly.

"Are you alright?"

Opening his eyes, Kanda looked over at Tiedoll who was staring at him curiously. When Tiedoll realized he had Kanda's attention, he clarified his words. "You get that sour look whenever you have a headache from something."

Kanda could not repress the sharp glare that flared up upon hearing Tiedoll's description of "sour" – though Tiedoll himself was completely unfazed. By this point, Tiedoll knew this to be a perfectly normal reaction for Kanda, and therefore did not take it personally. Instead, he waited to hear if Kanda had a legitimate reason for being irritable this morning, or if it was just a trademark mood swing.

Calming himself, Kanda looked away. His words, however, were stiff with annoyance. "The only headache I have is from that weird gypsy kid hiding out in the church," He spoke, not bothering to hide his distaste for the odd stranger.

To this, Tiedoll blinked in slight confusion. Quickly, recognition dawned in his eyes as he laughed softly. "Oh, you mean Alma! When did you even meet him, though? I was under he impression you were going to try to sleep not long after I retired."

Kanda opened his mouth as if to speak, but then shut it. He had almost slipped out the words _"when the freak snuck up on me",_ but Kanda stopped in a last ditch attempt to retain his pride. Kanda was fairly certain that if Tiedoll got wind of some stupid kid being able to sneak up on Kanda that he would _never_ be able to live it down.

Finally, Kanda mumbled out a response. "Last night. I was _trying_ to just get some air and peace of mind until that obnoxious little-"

"Now, Kanda, I'm sure it wasn't _that_ bad," Tiedoll interrupted, cutting Kanda off before the irritable young man could drop a few choice words, "You may have startled him-"

" _I_ may have startled him?"

"Why, was it the other way around?"

Kanda shut up momentarily, silently wondering how the seemingly innocent questions Tiedoll posed could so very easily serve as a weapon in verbal combat.

Leaning forward, Kanda simply rested his crossed arms on the table, resting his chin on his forearms as he remained in stubborn silence. For Tiedoll, it was a bit of an amusing sight – mostly because it was the same stance Kanda always seemed to take whenever he was frustrated. In fact, Tiedoll could distinctly recall a younger Kanda making the exact same gesture, which caused a wave of nostalgia to pass over him.

"Are you sure it's even a good idea to let him stay there?"

Tiedoll looked over at Kanda, confused. Kanda sighed in exasperation. "I mean for all you know he could be using you. How long have you even _known_ him?"

"Mm. I didn't realize your consent was necessary for me to have in order to offer shelter to anyone."

"That's _not_ what I meant-"

Ignoring Kanda's words, Tiedoll continued calmly. "Believe me, Kanda – Alma isn't that kind of person. He's been very hardworking and helpful since coming here," Tiedoll explained before offering a small smile, "If you actually try to talk to him you two could probably be good friends. He's certainly a lively fellow."

Kanda stared at Tiedoll dubiously. "Doubtful," He muttered flatly, not entirely sure what could have even possessed Tiedoll to suggest something so utterly ridiculous.

Pausing, Tiedoll looked at Kanda with a thoughtful yet teasing glint in his eyes. "Hm. I suppose you're right – it seems I've forgotten what a cold fish you can be."

Kanda instantly bristled. _'C-Cold fish!?'_

Before Kanda could open his mouth to argue any further, Tiedoll stood. "Well, I actually have an appointment I need to get to," He stated before throwing a glance at Kanda. "It'd be quite nice to return and find you haven't skipped town yet. There are some things I would like to discuss with you."

Tiedoll's gaze shifted, and Kanda in turn looked over to see just what Tiedoll had meant. When Kanda's own gaze landed on his sword (of which Tiedoll had been glancing at) he felt his chest tighten, realizing what Tiedoll was implying. _'Damn. He wants to talk about Mugen,'_ Kanda thought, his body stiffening slightly.

There was a brief moment where neither of them spoke. It was eventually Kanda who broke the silence, his words quiet and low. "I won't leave yet."

A gentle hand could be felt on Kanda's shoulder, but the young man did not bring his eyes to meet Tiedoll's. Because of this, he could not see the warm softness that poured through Tiedoll's glasses as he looked on at Kanda, who was still seated with his arms crossed and mild petulance.

"It's good to see you again, Kanda," Tiedoll said softly.

Kanda remained silent, though there was a hint of emotion that glimmered within his dark blue eyes. He could feel the genuine nature of Tiedoll's words, and the soothing tone was difficult for Kanda to completely ignore.

Removing his hand, Tiedoll headed to the front door before pausing to turn back. "Oh, and Alma may come by here at some point – he has a key and is completely welcome here, so don't be mean and try to lock him out or anything."

Immediately, any calmness that Kanda had been feeling evaporated. He practically whipped his head around, blue eyes flashing. "What do you mean he has a key-"

But Tiedoll was already out the door before Kanda could question him further.

Put off, Kanda let out another frustrated sigh as he ran a hand through his bangs. Great. Now Kanda would possibly have to see that annoying weirdo again – and what was worse was that for all he knew the little twit could randomly show up at any moment, and with a _key_ for that matter. Kanda's scowl deepened in distaste at this bit of information, not at all thinking it wise for Tiedoll to have just allowed some kind to have access to his home.

How long had Tiedoll even known this guy? Kanda racked his brain, trying to recall if Tiedoll had actually answered that bit when Kanda asked him earlier. To Kanda's frustration, he realized Tiedoll hadn't said how long he had known this Alma person – which Kanda found insanely irritating.

Leaning back in the chair, Kanda allowed for his head to tilt backwards. It didn't feel that great on the neck, but it at least alleviated the building pressure in his forehead. The whole thing frustrated Kanda for some reason. He was not sure why, when he really thought about it – after all, Tiedoll had always been a charitable person and helped others whenever possible. So that wasn't surprising.

So it had to be Alma.

Kanda didn't like Alma.

Alma was weird and talked too much.

Sitting straight up again, Kanda should his head, the headache slightly better. _'Why am I even thinking so much on this?_ ' He wondered, not sure just what it was that had gotten him so stuck on the situation. Especially when Kanda had more important things to worry about.

Warily, Kanda glanced over at his sword. _Mugen_ – that was what it was called. Placed at the base of the ladder that led up to the loft, it did not appear to be all that extraordinary aside from the immaculate craftsmanship. However, there was something about Mugen – an aura that could not be completely disregarded. Even sitting there a few feet away, Kanda could feel the sword's energy pulsating, linking to his own essence in some strange, interconnected way. A strange, _synchronizing_ way.

 _'Innocence…'_

Looking back, Kanda's discovery of Mugen was arguably inevitable. He had been young, just shy of thirteen. Four years after the pivotal storm, and two years of the start of what would turn into persistent probing and inquiring on Kanda's part. Tiedoll had told Kanda some things, but the boy had been smart enough to determine that Tiedoll was withholding more information. More than likely it had been Tiedoll simply attempting to preserve what peaceful ignorance he could within Kanda. It was an understandable motive, but a faulty one nevertheless. Kanda's exposure had been far too extensive to return from, and the end result had been an inquiring mind that was borderline obsessive.

What was Kanda supposed to have done though? Forget what he had seen, and move on with his life? Arguably, it was the healthier alternative. Grow up, settle down, start a family and be _normal_ – that was likely the path Tiedoll had hoped Kanda would take. But for Kanda himself, the idea was nothing short of distasteful, like soured medicine being poured down his throat. From the moment Kanda had been exposed to the horrific reality of the akuma, a blazing fire had been lit within him, determined and scalding as it sparked from the boy's anger. The hideous amount of _violation_ Kanda felt at having what he cared for so deeply taken from him had left the child bitter, and adamant that he would never allow from the akuma to take anything from him ever again.

 _He didn't want to allow the akuma to take anything from anyone ever again._

That determination and silent oath Kanda promised himself never once was dissuaded. It always remained, as firm as stone and hot as coal, burning silently in indigo blue eyes like two blue flames in the darkness.

Kanda closed his eyes. He could still remember the day it had happened, or really the _night_ it had happened.

 _Kanda had ended up staying at the church that evening, not really wanting to go home. He supposed he could have gone to Tiedoll's – Tiedoll had long since welcomed Kanda into his own home as though the boy lived there. But Kanda was currently being plagued by the unusual dilemma of not wishing to be around anyone he currently know._

At the same time…he didn't want to be completely alone either.

Distract. Kanda could distract himself at least. Sometimes the church was distracting.

He wasn't sure what time it was anymore. Through the stained glass, Kanda could see the illumination of the moonlight pour in through the window. Even though the colorful patterns obstructed the clarity of the moon's image, Kanda could still see the blurred, full orb in the sky.

Sometimes, if it was late like this, Kanda sometimes thought he could hear something whispering to him through the darkness. It was not so much that it was a coherent language – he could not hear actual words, and often the sensation was more of a gentle pull, as though whatever language was being used was one that was meant to be

felt _rather than_ heard.

The feeling had started. It was quiet enough that Kanda had almost not even noticed it at first, until the pull gradually began to evolve into a more forceful tug. Like a thread connecting to his very core, Kanda could feel himself drawn toward something that he did not yet have a name for.

Departing from his spot in the pews, Kanda began to wander around the church. It was not a large building – it had the nave, but also a hall attached that led to a few spare rooms. Kanda had ventured into them enough times to find that they were plain, and seldom used.

This night was different though, because despite Kanda's preexisting knowledge of these spaces he found him wandering regardless. Down the hall he walked, as though the invisible string were pulling him along, leading him to something he had not yet come across. A few times Kanda paused when in front a room, wondering if he should go in, but an unsatisfied feeling told him otherwise. It was not until he came to the end of the hall that Kanda passed one door that he had actually never opened. It was a narrow door, plain and unsuspecting – Kanda had always assumed it was a closet space or something, so he had never bothered to open it.

But now…now there was this pull. This odd draw that he could not ignore. Being in front of the door had only caused the feeling to intensify, with his young mind burning in its own curiosity.

A moment of hesitation flickered within Kanda before quickly evaporating, as a determined look reemerged in his eyes. Placing his hand on the door knob, he twisted it-

The sound of a door opening caused Kanda to snap out of his thinking, as he was suddenly aware of being in Tiedoll's house. He was still seated at the table, so his back was facing the door, and he had not yet turned around before an annoyingly familiar voice entered his ears.

"Hey, Tiedoll! Some trigger-happy guy came by the church last night. I think he's a mercenary or something, but he seemed to know you-"

The voice stopped speaking suddenly, just as Kanda turned his head to shoot a very dark and menacing glare in the direction of the speaker. Indigo eyes instantly clashed with slightly wide, startled bright blue eyes of which Kanda quickly recognized of belonging the strange boy he had met the previous night.

Damn. Kanda should have left while he had the chance.

There was a very uncomfortable as well as awkward silence that seemed to fall over the two, as Kanda glared and the strange boy – _'Alma,'_ Kanda remembered – looked as though he wished he could just disappear given that he had very obviously been talking about Kanda and not bothered to check if it was Tiedoll that was inside.

Internally, Alma was kicking himself. He was so used to just walking in to find Tiedoll if the door was unlocked that it had not even crossed his mind that someone else may be there, let alone the moody mercenary from the previous night who looked as though he may kill someone at any given moment. Alma honestly felt a bit of anxiety, not exactly sure what to say now. _'God, this is_ so _awkward….'_

After a nearly endless moment of painful silence, Alma laughed nervously. "Oh, hey! I…had no idea you were here," He started, the words not sounding any less awkward than the silence that had preceded it. _'Or that you were staying with Tiedoll.'_

Kanda had stood by this point, arms crossed and looking as though he were trying to decide if killing Alma was worth the bloodshed and repercussions. Apparently, he decided such effort was unnecessary as he offered a verbal response instead. "Tch. Clearly," He commented flatly, words short yet abrasive.

Alma slightly winced at the acidic tone being used before glancing around the house. "Ah…I guess Tiedoll's not here then."

"You're certainly observant."

The sarcasm in the other young man's words was unmistakable, and this time Alma found himself slightly more offended than intimidated. A small scowl that almost looked to be more of a pout appeared on Alma's features as his nose scrunched up slightly. He opened his mouth as though he were about to say something, but then something seemed to click within his expression as though he suddenly remembered something. Reaching into his pocket, Alma grabbed something that Kanda couldn't see. He then approached Kanda, holding out an open palm, revealing a silver lotus pin. "This is yours, isn't it?"

Immediately, Kanda's attention was captured. His dark eyes betrayed the composure he had attempted to maintain, as they widened slightly upon realizing that Alma was holding the one material possession Kanda truly valued.

Kanda instantly started to rack his brain, confused as to how Alma had gotten the pin. But then he remembered how he had been holding it when Alma had caught him off guard the previous night, and on impulse Kanda had drawn Mugen. In the process, he must have dropped the pin as well.

Kanda could not repress the anger he felt toward his own carelessness. _'How could I have been so reckless?!'_

Quickly, Kanda swiped the pin from Alma's grasp. He glanced over it quickly as though to make sure nothing had been damaged, and a look of relief washed over his face as he realized the pin was alright.

Alma watched with interest. "Don't worry – it looked really nice, so I made sure to be careful with it until I could track you or Tiedoll down. I figured Tiedoll would've known who you were, so that was why I came here to see if he could give it to you," Alma explained before offering a smile, "Guess it worked out with you being here!"

Kanda eyed Alma uncertainly. "Sure," He responded, words stiff as he neglected to display any further gratitude.

Alma seemed to notice this, as a flicker of nervousness appeared in his eyes. There was a small pause where he looked as though he wasn't sure as what he should say – which he wasn't. Alma had crossed paths with some cranky individuals before, but this new guy…well, he was pretty standoffish.

Recovering form the momentary hesitation, Alma regained his joviality. "Well while we're here we should have a re-do of last night! You know, since we kinda got off to a bad start and all," He suggested amiably before holding out his hand. "My name's Alma."

Merely glancing at the Kanda, Kanda looked back at Alma with an expression devoid of any warmth. "Tiedoll told me who you are," Kanda answered, ignoring the outstretched hand as though it were some trivial insect.

Once Alma realized that Kanda was definitely _not_ making a move to shake his hand, Alma lowered it. However, he still stared at Kanda expectantly.

Kanda noticed this. "What?" He asked sharply.

Alma blinked, not sure as to what was causing Kanda to be so snappy. "Aren't you going to tell me your name?" He asked, as though it were the most obvious thing in the world.

Kanda scoffed. If the circumstances had been different, he would have either walked away or kicked Alma out by this point. However, Kanda had a very suspicious feeling that if he tried either of those tactics now that Alma was whacky enough he would just keep finding a way to pester Kanda until he received an answer.

"It's Kanda," He answered. "So now if you don't mind-"

His sentence could not be completed, as recognition lit up in Alma's sky-colored eyes. Face breaking into a beaming smile,his next words were one that completely threw Kanda for a loop. "Oh, so _you're_ Yuu!" He exclaimed, not apparently noticing how Kanda instantly stiffened at being referred to by his first name. "Tiedoll actually told me about you!"

Kanda was struggling to find an adequate response to this. He didn't like that Tiedoll had spoken about him to Alma, though this was mainly due to the fact that Tiedoll had told Kanda's first name to Alma.

Misreading Kanda's expression, Alma just continued with a small, frantic wave of his hands. "Ah, don't worry though! It was never anything bad – he just really missed you is all," He clarified with a smile, "I bet he's pretty happy to see you again."

Hearing this, Kanda remained quiet.

 _"I bet he's pretty happy to see you again."_

In retrospect, Kanda had avoided thinking about how Tiedoll would react to his sudden departure. He had not wanted to think about it, nor had he wanted to face it. Why else had Kanda been repeatedly averting Tiedoll's gaze the previous night, and even earlier just before Alma's arrival? Kanda was not worthy of being even deemed some prodigal son, returning to a place with open arms to welcome him. Yet Tiedoll _had_ been welcoming with open arms, and it had bothered Kanda. It had bothered him because reflecting even on their relationship and the coldness he had shown Tiedoll Kanda could not deny that he didn't deserve that kind of warmth. There had been more friction between the two prior to Kanda leaving, and while Tiedoll may have been willing to handle such things with grace, Kanda…

Mouth in a tight line, Kanda quickly attempted to change the subject. "Do you need something?" He asked suddenly, wondering if all Alma was there to do was to continuously chatter and add to his ever-growing headache.

Alma blinked, slightly thrown off but the sharp change of subject. "Um…" He started, scratching the back of his head. "No – wait, I mean yeah, but not from you or anything," He added quickly upon seeing the dark look in Kanda's eyes.

Another laugh, slightly nervous, escaped Alma's lips. He usually wasn't _this_ nervous when talking to people. "There's not really any good place for me to store food at the church so Tiedoll just lets me use his kitchen."

Kanda raised an eyebrow slightly, but he supposed it _did_ make sense. At least it made sense as to why Tiedoll had given Alma an extra key.

A simple "hn" was all Kanda gave in response before sitting back down at the table.

Alma eyed the other young man momentarily with a wave of caution. It _seemed_ like Kanda was not going to stack him if he made a move for the kitchen, but Alma was still a bit wary. He could freshly recall the previous night where Kanda had swiftly pulled a weapon on him, startling Alma so greatly that he was fairly certain his heart had near frozen for a few seconds. The thought of the blade pressing lightly against the side of Alma's face caused him to shudder; Alma had been in some wild situations before, but that had certainly been one of the oddest.

Biting his lip, Alma fought the urge to say any more. Yuu Kanda did not appear to be an individual who was fond of conversation, and even more so appeared to be an individual who maybe even hated it. Considering Alma was quite the opposite character who relished in speaking with new people the situation felt a bit uncomfortable, and Alma found himself being particularly quiet as he made his way into the kitchen.

While Alma went into the kitchen, Kanda found himself watching from the corner of his eye. It was an open space so he could see perfectly well what Alma was doing (which was good because frankly Kanda still didn't completely trust the vagabond), although so far Alma's actions were pretty mundane. He had just taken some bread, one of the jars of mayonnaise from the cabinets, and made a plain mayo sandwich before actually coming to sit down at the table where Kanda was.

As Alma started eating his sandwich, Kanda eyed the boy with mild disgust. "Is that all you're eating?" He asked, not even attempting to mask the condescending tone in his voice.

Alma paused mid-bite, confused as to just what seemed to be bothering Kanda. "Yeah, why?"

"It's bread and mayo."

"What's wrong with bread and mayo?"

"It's _disgusting."_

This time it was Alma who appeared annoyed, as a frown (though a much less intimidating one than what Kanda was capable of) appeared on his face. His blue eyes sparkled with a tinge of annoyance as he went back to his sandwich. "You know, you don't _have_ to be so judgmental," He mumbled in-between a mouthful of mayo sandwich.

Kanda felt a vein throb. "Sorry. I don't speak mouthful of mayo."

Alma glared, though the look he shot in Kanda's direction could hardly be called fearsome given he was mid-swallow. Once he could speak, Alma did not hesitate on reiterating his previous words. "I _said_ you don't have to be so judgmental," He repeated, words more clear as well as agitated. "Anyways, what's with the attitude? It's not like it would kill you to at least act a _little_ nicer."

Kanda peered over at Alma before scoffing quietly. "I don't see a reason to be nice to gypsy vagabonds."

 _Slam._

Alma's hands had crashed onto the table as he stood abruptly, glaring down at a startled Kanda. He looked quite angry, which to Kanda already seemed to be odd. Despite knowing Alma less than 24 hours, Kanda had already began to associate the other young man with a quirky whimsy that probably had a minimal understanding of how harsh and unforgiving life could be. Clearly, Kanda had begun this association a tad too early.

Opening his mouth to speak, Kanda started. "What-"

"So I'm a _gypsy_ vagabond now?" Alma repeated, the offense in his voice coming through full force. "What the _hell_ is your problem?!"

Kanda had not expected such a shift in demeanor. No, he was not so naïve to think that he wouldn't anger someone eventually – but aside from being a little pouty Kanda had not taken Alma to be someone to just snap so suddenly.

Scowl deepening, this shift in events did not prevent Kanda from becoming equally defensive. "What do you mean _my_ problem? You're the one who's suddenly acting all sensitive."

"Sensitive?! Sorry, but _you're_ the one who's got such a stick up your ass that you're making personal digs at people!"

The tension in the room suddenly went up a few notches, as Kanda immediately bolted up so he too was standing. Dark eyes flashing, his calm composure was quickly disintegrating as he glared daggers at Alma. "Want to say that again, _gypsy_?"

Alma, who had been wearing a thin brown jacket, immediately threw it off, discarding the article of clothing onto the back of the chair. Given the stance he had taken, Alma actually looked as though he were ready to throw a punch, his bright blue eyes blazing with a ferocity that Kanda had not yet seen. "Gladly, you tight-assed jerk!"

Clenching his fist, Kanda found himself devoid of any willpower to resist Alma's baiting, and threw the first punch. 

* * *

Tiedoll had not anticipated returning so soon – but when he realized he had forgotten one of his notebooks he had immediately turned around, returning home quickly. It was a minor detour that would not to be too troublesome, especially given that he had left early (which would give him time to handle inconveniences such as these). As he approached his house, he had heard the faint clattering that sounded as though something were being knocked over inside, which had caused him to raise a brow curiously. He could not have imagined what Kanda would have been doing – or Alma, if Alma had come by. _'Hopefully neither of them are trying to re-organize anything…'_

There was a sudden crash, causing alarm to fill Tiedoll. Swiftly, he rushed to the front door, opening it to the startling sight of both Kanda and Alma in a very _violent_ fight that nearly sent Tiedoll into a state of shock. A stunned expression on Tiedoll's normally calm face, the older man immediately shook himself out of it before running to break up the fight that was currently endangering Tiedoll's living room.

"Boys!" He shouted, his voice sharper than normal as he pushed himself in-between Kanda and Alma, "Boys! Both of you stop this at once!"

Tiedoll had to use a surprising amount of strength to pry both Kanda and Alma apart, but eventually he was able to do so, with both boys panting after nearly trying to kill each other. Looking at both Kanda and Alma, Tiedoll gave each a stern look as he held on to each of their shoulders in order to keep them from throwing another punch at each other. "Now what the devil is going on here?! You're both acting like a couple of wild children!"

Alma, Tiedoll noticed, looked particularly disheveled and it looked as though he may have been beginning to bruise on the side of his face. Kanda, though devoid of any bruising, looked as though he had not escaped the fight without any blows either.

Alma winced at the scolding. The anger that had previously been in his eyes now appeared to be clouded with a childlike guilt as he looked away, clearly feeling some level of shame at being caught fighting. Kanda, on the other hand, averted his gaze in a more irritated fashion, as though he were simply annoyed at Tiedoll for having intervened.

Frowning, Tiedoll looked at the two expectantly. When neither of the two young men spoke, Tiedoll let out an exasperated sigh before firmly shoving Alma and Kanda into some nearby chairs. It was done in a fashion that was similar to how a displeased parent would handle two rowdy children.

Kanda, who felt this way, found himself more irritated at the treatment than anything else.

Tiedoll eyed the two individuals before him, not even sure where to start. The last thing he had expected upon returning home was to find Kanda and Alma actually _fighting_. Yes, he knew that apparently Kanda had not received the best impression of Alma for whatever reason – but to resort to physical violence was completely unacceptable in Tiedoll's mind. Disappointment laced his gaze as he looked at the two, before finally speaking. "Now I don't know _what_ happened to cause this," Tiedoll started, looking between the two as though he were seeking some kind of hint as to what had gone down between the two boys, "But to be so physically _violent_ is entirely unnecessary."

When neither Alma nor Kanda bothered to speak, Tiedoll felt a pang of frustration. What was wrong with the two? Shaking his head, he tried once more to get some kind of verbal response from the two. "Honestly, what's gotten into you two? Alma, this isn't like you – and Kanda, I _know_ you were brought up better than this."

A blush painted Alma's features, who was still looking away sheepishly. "Sorry, Tiedoll," He murmured, the heated passion that had been within him moments before now depleted.

Kanda opted to keep quiet, knowing well that nothing he would say would help the situation. If anything, he would probably say something to either disappoint Tiedoll further or possibly make Alma snap again.

 _'This whole thing is ridiculous,_ ' Kanda thought, genuinely questioning what in all the universe had possessed him to even get into such a situation. Abruptly, he stood and went to grab his bag, along with Mugen.

Tiedoll's voice broke into Kanda's mind. "Kanda, where are you-"

"I'm going out for some air," Kanda spoke. His words were restrained, but there was a biting nature in his tone that seemed as poisonous as a serpent's venom. It was the kind of tone that always seemed to emerge whenever he was either angry or upset with something.

Tiedoll made an attempt to call after him – which was slightly unusual, since Tiedoll normally felt it was better to let Kanda steam off.

But Tiedoll was cut off by the abrupt slam of a door, leaving only himself and Alma behind. 

* * *

**AN:** I literally just posted the last update but pffff. This is technically done, so here is the third part/second actual chapter. XD Sorry for the errors - I'm a really lazy human when it comes to editing.


	4. Arnica Apologies

**AN:** I JUST realized I never updated this even though I updated on AO3. Super sorry about that! The next chapter will be coming soon! Plot things start to happen a little more in this one, although it's still going slowly. Just hang in there - I promise things will pick up (Eventually). XD

 **Lotus in the Snow (Snow Queen AU)**

 **Chapter Three**  
 _Arnica Apologies_

The slamming of the door nearly caused Alma to jump with its forcefulness, and an uncomfortable silence was left in place of Kanda's absence. Alma was definitely a bit relieved that the other young man had left. He released a breath that he had not realized that he had been holding, and his muscles relaxed as he slumped forward in the chair. _'At least he's gone, and I don't have to put up with anymore belittling for now,'_ Alma thought to himself, though the internal reminder did little to ease him entirely. Most likely this was because of Tiedoll – not that the man ever caused Alma any anxiety like Kanda did. But, Alma _had_ been caught fighting in the poor man's home.

Alma inwardly cringed at this. After all Tiedoll had done for him, he could only imagine how ungrateful the whole thing must have seemed on his part.

"Alma."

The voice, although gentle, sent a trickle of nervousness through Alma. He did not exactly want to face Tiedoll, largely embarrassed by the way he had been caught acting. Very tentatively, Alma's eyes moved to meet Tiedoll's. However, upon meeting the older man's gaze Alma found his own eyes speedily retreating away, not sure if he could actually look the man in the eye at such a time.

Despite looking away, Alma could see Tiedoll sit beside him out of his peripheral vision. Not long after, he could hear Tiedoll speak. "Why don't you tell me happened?" Tiedoll implored softly, in a way that Alma could only deem fatherly. It was interesting how despite not being related to the man he could have such an air about him.

Alma sighed. How would he even explain it? Even _he_ wasn't sure as to what had riled him up so much. "I don't know…like before I was just trying to be nice, but it's like he just _hates_ me," Alma explained, surprised by how upset he actually felt over the whole interaction with Kanda. "I mean he probably hates me now, but before I didn't even really do anything! Last night I thought maybe he was needing a place to sleep or something, and when he left that pin of his I just wanted to return it today – I didn't realize he was actually staying here though, so…"

Trailing off, Alma ran his hand through his messy, dark hair.

Tiedoll looked at Alma with interest. "His pin?" He repeated, though he was fairly certain he knew what Alma was talking about.

"Yeah, the really nice lotus one. I found it right after he left last night and since I had already swept the nave I figured it had to have been his," Alma explained, before trying to force a weak smile. "I think giving it back to him was the only time I didn't get a murderous glare from him."

Tiedoll stroked his chin, looking thoughtful. "Hm, that's interesting," He mused, though it appeared to be more to himself than Alma. "Kanda must have really have a lot on his mind to have gotten that careless…"

Ears perking up at the murmur, Alma looked over, curiosity piqued. "What was that?"

To Alma's disappointment, Tiedoll brushed the inquiry off with a light smile. "Ah, nothing," He spoke, changing the subject before Alma had a chance to press further. "I must admit I am quite surprised with how passionately you reacted to whatever it was Kanda said though. In all the six months of you being here I've never seen you even come close to getting into a fight with anyone."

The vocalized observation made Alma blush, only because it was yet again drawing attention to how impulsively he had acted. But it was true – Alma had actually never been one to get into fights. Prior to even coming to the village Alma had always done what he could to avoid physical confrontations. Even verbal ones were avoided. Alma had simply always had the kind of personality that opted to at least _attempt_ to talk things out. It all came back to his preference of laughter to shouting and affection to aggression.

So yes. Getting into a fight with Kanda had been _highly_ out of character for Alma.

The look of guilt returning to his eyes, Alma's smile faltered into a look of disappointment. "I really am sorry, Tiedoll. I don't know what came over me."

Seeing the genuine regret in Alma's eyes, Tiedoll gave the boy a kind look, placing a hand on the young man's shoulders. He could see that Alma regretted the way he had acted, and saw no reason to chastise the boy – it would do nothing but worsen the situation. "I know you are, Alma," Tiedoll spoke before smiling gently. "Just….make sure not to use my house as a battlefield again, alright?"

The words were light, with a tinge of humor to them. Alma found himself smiling as a small laugh escaped his lips. "Haha, alright," He responded, feeling comforted by Tiedoll's words. That was probably one of the things Alma liked best about Tiedoll; the man just had such a kind way of expressing things, and was quite emotionally in tune with those around him. Alma had found the quality to be rare in most people. Having been raised all over the place and never having a stable upbringing, Alma had been around a wide range of individuals – but most were harsh, and abrasive. Nothing like Tiedoll.

None of them had quite been like Kanda either.

 _'Why am I already thinking about him again?'_ Alma wondered, not sure as to why the tumultuous young man had already returned to his thoughts. And why should Alma have even cared? It was not as though as he had been terribly concerned with how people thought of him before – at least not to the point where it was nearly maddening to Alma.

Not realizing that a more pensive looked had passed onto his face, Alma unintentionally exposed his inner musings to Tiedoll. "I wouldn't worry too much about Kanda," Tiedoll spoke suddenly, causing Alma to look over in slight surprise. "He…is not necessarily the most agreeable person. And I'm fairly certain he doesn't hate you."

Alma frowned slightly, not necessarily believing Tiedoll. Resting his chin in the palm of his hand, he looked forward with a ponderous expression. "Why is he like that even?" Alma asked, unable to keep his curiosity in check any longer. Kanda was just….well, Alma couldn't describe it. It was like he had a perpetual dark cloud following him wherever he went, raining total gloom and displeasure incessantly. "He's so…." Alma trailed off, not sure what adjective to even use for Kanda. He almost said "mean" but for whatever reason that did not seem adequate.

Tiedoll paused. While he had mentioned Kanda before to Alma, he had avoided going into too much detail with Kanda's personal life. He imagined it would probably be best to maintain some distance, especially since Kanda would have likely reacted poorly to the prospect of Alma learning such sensitive information.

"Well…" Tiedoll started, trying to find the words, "Kanda _was_ always a moody little boy. Independent, and liked to keep to himself."

As Tiedoll spoke this, a fond smile appeared on his face, as though he were recalling some good memories in his reflection. "He definitely was never shy about what he disliked. That obviously hasn't changed," He added with a small chuckle. As the chuckle died, a far off look appeared in Tiedoll's eyes, as though he was remembering something specific. A sparkle of sadness flickered, and his voice was lower than it had been seconds prior. "I imagine he felt like he had to grow up fairly quickly though. That boy saw far too much as a child."

To this, Alma was listening intently. He had not been oblivious to the odd look in Tiedoll's eyes – the kind of look that was rare, but on a few small occasions Alma had thought he had caught glimpses of. For this reason Alma waited before speaking, wondering if Tiedoll would elaborate any more.

Seeming to realize how closely Alma was listening, Tiedoll waved his hand, changing tones abruptly. "But that's a story for another time! "

Alma fought the urge to face palm. _'H-He's going to just leave me hanging like that!?'_

Seemingly unaware of Alma's blatant disappointment, Tiedoll carried on, changing the subject before Alma could get a chance to ask for any further details. "Anyhow, it seems you have a little cleaning up to do."

For a moment Alma look bewildered, not sure what Tiedoll meant. But then he glanced around the living room, and realized that while no permanent damage had been done, the room had been left in a…disarray.

Laughing nervously, Alma tried to ignore the heat rising to his face. "Hehe…yeah. I'll get on that," He agreed, silently cursing Kanda for leaving himself to pick up for the mess left by them both.

Tiedoll nodded, appreciation evident in his features. "Thank you, Alma. And don't worry about Kanda – he's not off the hook by any means."

Alma took in Tiedoll's words, not saying much else. With how Kanda had acted so far, Alma couldn't imagine how Tiedoll had supposedly helped to raise someone like that – but he pushed out the thoughts of Kanda when he could, determined not to waste his time on the moody enigma.

* * *

Kanda's abrupt departure had been met with an icy rush of air that in his opinion should _not_ have belonged in November. The sky was pale – not necessarily gray, but more of a faded blue with wisps of light gray clouds encompassing it like gauze. The whole color scheme of the earth appeared muted, with pale colors fading into the browns and yellows of the earth. Even the vibrancy of red and orange that was normally associated with autumn had already melted away, leaving but pale echoes of their rich colors.

 _'I really hate this season,'_ Kanda thought, the bitterness dancing in his mind.

He was already in a horrible mood to begin with. The whole fight with Alma had really ticked Kanda off (especially with the whole "tight ass" comment), and Tiedoll walking in on it had only made things worse. This was for several reasons: the first being that Kanda did not get to finish pummeling Alma (which he would have been successful at despite the few hits Alma had gotten in) and the second being that there was no way Kanda would be able to talk to Tiedoll without getting one of those damn talks of his. Hell, Kanda could just _hear_ Tiedoll's chiding, fatherly tone already.

Kanda certainly didn't need that of all things.

It had been a few moments before Kanda even thought about where he was actually walking to. He had not made a conscious decision to actually go anywhere specific, but he quickly realized he was almost back at the home his parents had lived in. He almost wanted to call it "home" in his mind, since that would have made the most sense, but found himself resisting. _'It's not home anymore,'_ Kanda told himself.

Yet he was walking there as though it were. But where else would he go?

He realized he could have just left, and possibly continued on. Tiedoll had wanted him to stay, but the man couldn't have forced Kanda to. It was not as though Kanda was bothering to stay to appease the man either, as frankly he felt quite irritated with Tiedoll.

 _'But why…'_

Kanda did not even finish the silent inquiry, as he soon enough found himself back at the place where he had spent his childhood. It was a different experience seeing it in the daytime; the previous night, Kanda had only seen the faint, familiar outlines in the darkness. This had therefore diluted the impact of seeing his old house, even if it only had been a year and a half since he had last been within it. But now, with everything in clear sight, Kanda felt a pang of something he instinctively fought to repress. Indigo eyes latched onto the bits of familiarity like a moth drawn to a flame: the aged wooden door that probably still creaked, the window to the right of it that Kanda used to look out from when he was a child….all the things that had strangely enough not changed.

Whenever he went back inside, he would probably see in the hallway the spot where his mother used to measure how tall he was getting – which had of course not had any additional markings since he was eight. Kanda had stopped caring about such trivial things like height measurements that year.

For whatever reason he had never bothered to paint over it.

Kanda did not go inside right away. Instead, he remained out in the front, walking closer to the right portion of the yard. It was there that he knelt down, where the soil was particularly soft in comparison to the rest of the cold, hardened earth that November had brought. Kanda was mildly surprised to see some herbs had actually been growing there without any signs of struggle. The spot had been a garden – it had been the one his parents tended to, as they had practiced herbalism as a primary occupation. The village was small, and did not have medical facilities like the larger towns and cities. As a result, most people in the area relied on more natural remedies in order to combat injuries and ailments.

Kanda's parents had therefore been who must people turned to when such complications arose in their lives. They had been well-learned in their craft – especially Kanda's mother, Lien. The woman had been quite skilled in understanding the way plants worked, and it was a trait that some people even thought Kanda may have inherited. It had become more evident following the aftermath of Kanda's parents dying. Even with Tiedoll's help, Kanda had needed to make a living somehow – and despite his age, he had quickly begun to taken up some of his parents' former practice in order to get by. It was not necessarily his _favorite_ thing considering he so greatly disliked most people, but it helped and prevented Kanda from being just some helpless orphan who everyone pitied.

And it was therapeutic. Kanda had never stated such out loud, but deep down the feeling was there. Perhaps it was because it was something that he just found calming, or maybe it was because heaven forbid it was the only thing that made him feel _normal_ – like he was some kid simply helping out his parents, waiting them to come back from one of their trips.

 _'Except they never came back_ ,' Kanda thought, his mind briefly flickering to _that_ night.

That was why they had left that day in the first place. There had been a small outbreak of sickness in the next town over, and Kanda's parents in their kindness had naturally gone to help with what they could.

What an ironic twist that it would have been them – a couple of people dedicated to trying to save and help others – who would lose their lives.

Eyes focusing, Kanda shifted his attention to the herbs. Several had grown there – namely lavender, rosemary, arnica, and thyme. While Kanda was pleased to see that the garden had clearly been taken care of, he still found himself frowning slightly. More than likely it had been Tiedoll who had been making sure the garden was not completely let go of – yet again, one more thing Kanda would be indebted to.

"I hate it when he tries to be so helpful," Kanda murmured, as he started to collect some of the herbs. With how cold the weather was getting they would not last much longer, and Kanda figured he would be able to make some ointments out of them that could be pretty useful.

There was a soft crunching of dried grass and brittle leaves, and Kanda turned, tensing slightly at the prospect of having an unwanted visitor. He was half-prepared to come face to face with Tiedoll (who was not beyond hunting Kanda down to lecture him), but was surprised to spot a tall, dark-skinned man with a broad build and shaved head. Blue-gray irises that were so pale that they almost appeared white peered out – the eyes of someone who could not see.

Recognition instantly filled Kanda's eyes, and slight surprise was in his tone as he addressed the man. "Marie."

A small smile formed on the man – Marie's – face. "Is that Kanda, or have my ears finally started deceiving me?"

Kanda fought the desire to roll his eyes – though he didn't, since Marie couldn't see. "Your ears work fine," Kanda responded, standing after collecting the last of the herbs. "What are you doing here?"

"I heard someone over this way, but it didn't sound like Tiedoll," Marie answered, "So I thought I'd check and find out who it was. I wasn't anticipating you to be here."

"It was a last minute decision."

"Does Tiedoll know you here?"

Kanda's jaw tightened slightly, causing him to pause before answering. "Yeah."

For what Marie was lacking in his ability to see, he made up in his ability to hear. For this reason he did not miss the time in which it took for Kanda to answer, nor did Marie miss the slight stiffness of tone. His expression, though seemingly placid, held a sense of knowing as though he was already beginning to piece things together. Marie had always been observant in that way – despite his blindness, he had a perceptiveness about him that was almost uncanny.

Marie didn't press yet though, and instead focused on a different subject. "That garden probably hasn't done as well this year. But Tiedoll and I did what we could to maintain it."

Once more surprise appeared in Kanda's eyes. He had anticipated Tiedoll working on the garden, once more taking on a responsibility that should have not been his – but he had not expected Marie to have helped out. "I don't know why you bothered. It's not like anyone asked either of you to," Kanda spoke, though his words did not harbor their usual abrasive edge.

A sudden breath of icy air swept past the two, and Kanda suppressed a grimace. _'Damn cold…'_ He thought, before turning back to Marie. "Let's go inside. This weather just pisses me off."

Not showing any signs of objection, Marie followed Kanda inside, listening to the sound of the young man's footsteps. Kanda himself didn't mind, and was actually thankful that it was Marie who had crossed paths with him. Aside from Tiedoll, Marie was one of the few people that Kanda was actually alright associating with; actually, Kanda even enjoyed Marie's company from time to time. The man was a tranquil individual who had a very calming presence about him – it often helped to calm Kanda's moods, especially when he had been younger.

Walking inside the house, Kanda felt a ghostly tickle at the back of his spine. It was one thing to enter the house in the dark of night – but another to do it now, when he could see everything. Just as the exterior of the house had caused of wave of nostalgia to flood Kanda, so did the interior. Inside everything was untouched, and unmoved – everything remained from when Kanda had left so long ago, but there was an emptiness that lingered in the air that was nearly void-like.

Following behind Kanda, Marie spoke. "I hope you haven't rearranged anything too drastically since you came back, or I may have to learn my way around again."

Kanda scoffed quietly. "No. It's the same. I just got back last night," He answered, before going to a shelf and taking down a small mortar and pestle. Once he had it, Kanda retreated to the table where he sat down and silently began to pound down the arnica quietly.

Marie, who had followed, also sat down. His ears instantly zoned in on the dull pounding. "That's a lot of force you're using there," Marie observed, noticing that Kanda seemed to be using a bit more energy than necessary.

Kanda kept pounding, and didn't answer.

"So what happened?"

Stopping abruptly, Kanda looked at Marie. It was only for a moment before he went back onto breaking down the arnica. "Nothing happened," He muttered quietly, trying to focus on the ointment he was trying to make. He noticed the herbs were a bit dry from the cold, but he could make do.

Marie smiled wryly. "That's the tone you use whenever something has happened. Or when something is bothering you."

Silently, Kanda cursed Marie's sensitive ears.

"Don't worry," Marie spoke, breaking Kanda's silent hexing. "I won't force you to answer – I just thought I'd ask."

Kanda sighed, slowing the pace in which he was pounding. He actually was considering telling Marie what had happened. Marie was at the very least someone he knew would thoroughly listen before speaking, and was one of the only people Kanda would ever think to confide in. Perhaps it was because of the way Marie had always treated Kanda. Marie had never spoken down to Kanda, or treated him as though he were some orphan to be pitied. No, Marie had actually treated him normally, and without the falsified tenderness other people in the village had shown Kanda.

But Kanda didn't say anything. _'It's not worth getting into,'_ He told himself, not even wanting to discuss the events from earlier.

"You know I had that anger for a long time. The kind you have now."

The words startled Kanda, causing him to cease his use of the pestle. It took him a second to register just what Marie had said – but before he could properly react, Marie continued.

"It was worse after I lost my sight," Marie went on, his tone even, "I was so angry when I realized I would never see that I almost didn't notice the physical pain I was in – actually, I didn't even want anyone to help after the accident."

Kanda listened quietly. He knew well enough about the "accident" that Marie was talking about – Tiedoll had told him about it. Marie was not actually from the village, despite now residing there. He had actually been the second exorcist that Kanda had ever met, with the "accident" actually being the result of an akuma attack. Kanda could still very clearly remember the night where he had first crossed paths with Marie, who had been barely conscious and was being supported by a worn out Tiedoll.

Thinking back, Kanda was now wondering if Marie had put up any fight when Tiedoll initially had tried to help him. It hadn't seemed that way at the time, but now that Marie was telling Kanda that he hadn't wanted any help…

"I remember you from that night, too. I was too exhausted to argue at that point, but I was pretty skeptical of having some kid help out. Figured there wouldn't be much you could have done," Marie explained before chuckling softly. "You really proved me wrong though. I still don't know how you how you managed to stop the bleeding as quickly as you did."

Kanda could remember that night. It had been early spring, damp and muddy from the rains that had come. He had been fourteen at the time, and home by himself trying to salvage some herbs that had nearly been flooded earlier that day. It had been a bit later – close to midnight really – when there had been the frantic knocking at the front door. Kanda could recall actually feeling so caught off guard that he actually felt a tinge of _fear_ , as no one ever knocked so late or rapidly. But he had answered to find Tiedoll holding a nearly unconscious Marie, bleeding profusely and wounded to the point where Kanda was not certain as to if there was anything he could have done.

It had been one thing to provide remedies for simple ailments like sprained ankles and common illnesses – but to have been presented with such a mortally wounded individual had almost sent Kanda into a state of anxiety. What had Tiedoll been thinking, bringing this strange man to some young boy for aid? Tiedoll had been confident Kanda would know how to at least stop the bleeding though, and the prospect of being asked to help, and of not being protected, had oddly appealed to Kanda. This resulted in a long night of creating compresses and changing bandages, with Kanda being unable to salvage Marie's eyesight but helping the man to pull through.

 _'Barely,'_ Kanda reminded himself. With the amount of blood that Marie had lost, it had been nothing short of a miracle that Kanda had been able to stop it when he did.

Marie's eyes stared off, unable to focus on Kanda or anything in particular. Still, the eerily pale pupils held a thoughtful look in them. "You've always had a gentle hand with healing. You shouldn't let your anger overpower it so much."

The words, though well-meaning, struck a chord within Kanda. It was not necessarily a nerve, but he instinctively looked away despite the fact that Marie was blind. "My hand isn't gentle, and I was just doing what I was supposed to," Kanda countered, as he returned to finishing the arnica paste. By now it was about done.

"Whatever you say," Marie said, though his tone implied he still believed otherwise. "What are you making over there, anyways?"

"Just some arnica."

"Arnica," Marie repeated, his mind seeming to try to recall just what that particular herb was for. "I can never seem to keep these plants straight…what is arnica for?"

There was a moment where Kanda hesitated, though he couldn't say why. But he finally answered, voice quiet, "Bruising."

* * *

The rest of the day was uneventful, thankfully. Marie had visited with Kanda for a bit longer, never prying too deeply into what Kanda had been doing in his time away. There was a somewhat mutual understanding between the two to never really pry unless the other seemed willing to speak. It likely came from Marie also had a history with exorcism, and understood the weight of questioning such things. It was only when Marie brought up Tiedoll once more that he came close to wandering into any personal territory, and even that topic was tread lightly.

"You know Tiedoll was really worried about you," Marie pointed, before leaving.

Kanda scoffed. "He shouldn't be. I'm an adult, and I can take care of myself now."

Marie nodded, but continued. "He knows that. But it doesn't make it any easier on him. He does view you as family, after all."

While Kanda's expression did not reveal it, a tinge of guilt could be felt. He sometimes wondered if Marie had some kind of sixth sense to compensate for his blindness, as the man had an uncanny way with words. Marie always seemed to know just what to say and when, and in a way that did not set Kanda off – which for Kanda, was a good and bad thing. Good in that it helped him to stay in check, bad in that it drove him crazy.

Eventually Marie left, leaving Kanda alone once more. While Kanda had not minded Marie being there, he was glad for the sudden rush of solitude. He felt exhausted and tired, and just needed some time _away_ from people.

Marie's words lingered though. Kanda was not sure why, but for whatever reason they had seeped into his mind, causing something to quietly nag at him from within. It was a rather frustrating sensation, as it was so disruptive that Kanda found he could not even take the opportunity to meditate.

 _"You've always had a gentle hand with healing. You shouldn't let your anger overpower it so much."_

Kanda almost laughed thinking about it. Of all the ways to describe his hand, "gentle" sure as hell was not one of them.

Anyways, Kanda didn't let his anger overpower anything. No, he had _complete_ control of it.

Usually.

Realizing that mediating was a lost cause, Kanda glanced outside. It was not late – it was just barely evening, but already the daylight was beginning to melt away due to the impending arrival of winter. Without any further hesitation, Kanda grabbed his coat before heading outside. He stopped momentarily, debating on taking Mugen with him – but for whatever reason decided against it. Instead, he took the grounded arnica of which he had placed into a small pouch before heading outside.

Kanda should talk to Tiedoll. He didn't want to, but he should.

 _'Damn Marie,'_ Kanda thought, hating the small conscience that the dark-skinned man had very effectively played upon.

Kanda had to often remind himself not to be so harsh with Tiedoll. It wasn't easy – it hadn't been easy even a year and a half ago. Kanda hadn't agreed with some of the way Tiedoll handled things, or how Tiedoll had even tried to keep certain things from Kanda. He knew it was all because the man only wanted to protect him – Tiedoll had _always_ wanted to protect Kanda. That much was clear, whether Kanda liked it or not.

Not that Kanda _always_ hated it. When he had been a child and first witnessed an akuma, Tiedoll had been the only person Kanda was willing to be around. He had actually latched onto the man for a while, never really wanting to be alone for the first year and very rarely speaking. It had been a result of the shock mostly, of which Kanda eventually started to snap out of. The boy gradually returned to being more independent with time, while also becoming more vocal about wanting to no more about the akuma. Of course Tiedoll tried to be wary of how much he revealed to Kanda – that even Kanda could understand.

 _'But still…what he tried to keep from me…'_ Kanda thought, muscles tensing slightly.

 _A moment of hesitation flickered within Kanda before quickly evaporating, as a determined look reemerged in his eyes. Placing his hand on the doorknob, he twisted it-_

-And it was locked.

Kanda frowned. Well,

that _was anti-climactic. And strange. The church had always been such an open space that the concept of a door being locked was quite peculiar to Kanda. Why had Tiedoll locked it? Was there something valuable inside?_

Curiosity burning, Kanda glanced around. He was certain Tiedoll wasn't around, and looked back at where the lock under the knob was. It appeared ordinary enough that Kanda thought he could find a way to pick it. He was not sure why he felt so compelled to actually do so, but the desire was there, fierce and pulsating.

Taking out the lotus pin he always carried, Kanda unlatched it so that the thin piece of silver was sticking outward. He tried not to think about how much his mother would have disapproved of him using her pin as a means for breaking and entering – but Kanda wasn't actually breaking in. He just wanted to know what was behind the door. It was justifiable, wasn't it?

After a few moments of wiggling the silver around, there was a light 'click.' The twelve-year-old quickly put the pin away before opening the door, which opened quietly and without any actual creaking.

Kanda was surprised to see that there was actually a stairwell descending downward, dark and hard to see in. However, he was not a boy that was easily frightened anymore, and without delay started down the stairs.

'What's even down here?' _Kanda wondered, having not even realized there was a level beneath the church. It took a few moments for his eyes to adjust to the darkness, but soon enough he was able to make out the outline of the steps, eventually reaching the ground level._

Looking around, Kanda's eyes were just barely able to make out the details of the room. He immediately noticed a candle nearby, and a few matches left beside them, some unused. Seizing the chance to have some light, Kanda lit the candle, of which had already been previously used it seemed.

With some illumination, Kanda could see more clearly. He looked around the room, which was something that appeared to be in-between a large study area and a storage space. There was a table with a chair, with several books left upon it. More books lined the shelves on the wall, with some that appeared quite old.

'Weird,' _Kanda thought, though he couldn't say why the whole room read 'weird' to him. Tiedoll's family had apparently owned this church for generations, so it made sense to have some kind of storage space with literature in it, didn't it? Perhaps the books were theological writings, or bible variations. It could have been anything._

But Kanda could not shake the feeling that the room was something

more _than that._

Starting with the desk first, Kanda began to look through some of the books there. As he had anticipated, some appeared to be theological writings while some were just in old Latin. He skipped over those, because Kanda didn't have too much an interest in theology nor did he know Latin. The boy was actually losing interest fairly quickly before he noticed one last book set aside, with a worn leather cover.

Nonchalantly, Kanda opened it. He was greeted by the unexpected sight of a non-theological text that he could actually read, though it appeared to be some kind of list. Two columns lined each page, with two names across from one another. Some kind of record, perhaps?

Flipping through the pages, Kanda eventually caught sight of a familiar name.

 _ **Froi Tiedoll – Maker of Eden.**_

Kanda frowned.

'Maker of Eden…that's that thing Tiedoll used against the akuma,' _Kanda realized, recalling that was what Tiedoll had said his 'innocence' was named._ 'Is this a record of different exorcists…?'

Interest rekindled, Kanda began scanning through the names. Within a few moments, his blue eyes latched onto one name in particular. One that made his heart freeze.

 _ **Izo Kanda – Mugen.  
**_ _  
_Kanda shook his head. That night where he first learned about Mugen – where he first learned the truth about his _father_ – stung. It stung to know the truth, and it stung to know that Tiedoll may have continued to keep it from Kanda for some time. Kanda was pretty sure that there had been a slight crack in his voice when he confronted Tiedoll about it, not caring that he would possibly be in trouble for breaking into a room he wasn't supposed to be in. But Kanda had just barely kept it together, young yet persistent with those blue eyes burning.

 _"Was my father an exorcist?"_

"Kanda-"

"Was he!?"

Tiedoll's eyes flickered with a range of emotion. Some of it appeared regretful, while the rest of them appeared exasperated, uncertain of how to handle the angry child in front of him. "Kanda, how did you even get into that room?"

Kanda glared. "Don't change the subject like that!" He snapped, before trying to calm down. The boy could practically feel himself shaking. How could Tiedoll keep something so important from him? It was Kanda's

father _._

Shaking his head, Kanda looked away. "I…I want to see Mugen-"

"Kanda,

no, _" Tiedoll cut in sharply. "Mugen was left in an unrefined state – it's not stable, and there's no telling how it will react to you with you carrying Izo's blood."_

"But that was my father's!"

"Kanda, I said

no _," Tiedoll repeated, using a firmness that was harsher than Kanda had ever heard. It nearly caused Kanda to wince as he kept his gaze averted – Kanda could practically feel his eyes moistening, and immediately attempted to repress his emotions. He wasn't going to cry – there was_ no way _he would cry. Not there._

Seeming to notice Kanda's emotional state, Tiedoll took a breath. "It's just not safe. The innocence isn't a predictable entity," He explained, his voice more even. "And it'll react to the energy around it – which would make exposing you to it at this moment completely out of the question."

There was a pause following this, as Tiedoll appeared to be thinking something over before speaking once more. "If you can get a better hold of your emotions, I'll show you Mugen – but

only _when you show you can handle it."_

To this, Kanda had said nothing at first. He was processing much of the information still, with his emotions raging against one another inside him. Finally, the boy spoke a reply, quietly and barely above a whisper.

"Fine."

That was when things had started to become tense between Kanda and Tiedoll. With time, things had started to smooth over – but for Kanda there had always been a bit of soreness following that event. Even with eventually gaining enough approval from Tiedoll to see Mugen, Kanda had always harbored a twinge of bitterness toward the main for keeping such valuable information from him. It did not matter to Kanda that Tiedoll had done it for Kanda's own good – Kanda felt he had a _right_ to know the truth about his father, and how the man had been an active exorcist prior to marrying Kanda's mother. _'I had a right to know.'_

Unfortunately, the information Kanda had learned about his father had only created more questions. Why had his father given up exorcism? Why had his father stopped using Mugen?

 _'Why couldn't he have protected my mother?'_

Perhaps Marie was right. Perhaps Kanda did have more anger he was clinging to.

 _'Stupid,'_ Kanda thought, pushing his hands into his pockets as he walked on. He wondered if Tiedoll would be at the church or at his house – though, Kanda was hesitant on going back to the house considering Alma could be there. Or Alma could be at the church.

 _'Damn, which should I go to?'_

Making a split decision, Kanda went for the church. Most likely Tiedoll would be there still, and if he was then Kanda could probably get some time with him.

Kanda's arrival at the church proved him otherwise. Once entering, Kanda noticed it was quiet – the kind of quiet that signified no one was there. Kanda was actually more relieved than anything by this; while he knew he needed to talk to Tiedoll at some point, he was not opposed to putting it off, even if just for a few minutes.

The pews seemed inviting as always, but Kanda resisted the urge. Really Kanda probably should have left the church sooner rather than later, as the image of a certain young man with a scar across his nose kept flashing in Kanda's mind.

Why did Kanda keep thinking of Alma? It wasn't like he was _that_ important – and Kanda certainly was intimidated by running into him or anything. But for whatever reason, Kanda kept thinking of Alma, which Kanda personally read as his subconscious reminding him that he did _not_ like Alma and therefore did _not_ want to cross paths with him.

' _Yeah, that's what it probably is,'_ Kanda told himself.

Turning sharply, Kanda made his way to leave the nave. He began a brisk pace, walking quickly to the exit when someone rounded the corner, walking straight into him-

 _Wham._

Apparently, the person walking into the nave was also walking at a brisk pace.

Kanda managed to keep his balance, though out of his peripheral vision he could see the other person had slightly less coordination, and staggered slightly. There was no time for Kanda to feel regretful though, as he quickly recognized the messy, dark hair as belonging to the person he had just been attempting to avoid.

Kanda could barely keep from sending a death glare at Alma. "Watch where you're going."

Alma, who had just managed to keep from losing his balance entirely, looked back at Kanda, a small frown on his face….which once more, Kanda thought looked like more of a pout. "You weren't exactly watching where you were going either…" Alma muttered, his tone less confrontational than Kanda's.

There was an awkward pause following this, as neither Kanda nor Alma spoke. Both were silent, seeming to evaluate whether the situation would go in fight or flight direction. After a few seconds both young men made a move to get around each other – however, they both attempted to move in the same direction, unintentionally blocking one another. They then tried to move to the other side, but having both thought the same plan found themselves to be blocking _each_ other again.

Another awkward pause ensued.

Alma sighed, not really seeming to have the energy for the potential "fight" route the interaction could have taken. "Sorry," He apologized, voice a bit more relaxed than even a few seconds before.

Kanda kept his expression neutral, but silently questioned whether Alma was referring to the fact that they kept blocking each other or the fight the two had engaged in.

Alma seemed to realize that the intention of what he was apologizing for wasn't clear. "I mean…for now, and earlier too."

 _'I wonder if Tiedoll put him up to this,'_ Kanda immediately wondered. He would not have put it past Tiedoll to try to convinced Alma (or even Kanda himself) to try to "work things out."

Crap, did this mean Alma would be expecting an apology now?

To Kanda's surprise, Alma didn't appear to be anticipating such. "I'll…let you do whatever it was you were doing I guess," Alma stated, though his voice sounded uncertain, as though Kanda were some unpredictable animal he were with. Kanda didn't care though – at this point, the chance to leave was more than welcome.

As Kanda made an attempt to leave once more, he noticed the side of Alma's face. There on the right side of Alma's face was a reddish mark already starting to darken. It didn't take long for Kanda's to recognize the bruise as his own handiwork from when he had first socked Alma earlier that day, though with the way Alma's hair somewhat covered it the bruise could almost be missed.

Kanda wasn't sure why he was noticing it though. It shouldn't have mattered, and he had caused enough bruises in fights to know that they healed and weren't that big of a deal.

"That bruise looks awful," Kanda commented bluntly, before he could stop himself.

Alma's head whipped around, as a child-like frown appeared on his face. The comment had apparently ruffled him back up, and he opened his mouth as though he wanted to retort something. His mouth closed abruptly, as Kanda suddenly shoved something into Alma's hands, completely catching Alma off guard.

"Mix it with some water and apply it to the bruise. It'll keep it from getting worse."

Alma blinked, expression one of complete and total confusion. "Um…" He started, but was at a loss for words. Looking down he saw that Kanda had shoved a small pouch of something light into his hands – some kind of powder or something?

Looking up, Alma wanted to ask just what it was. However, Kanda had already left, quickly and quietly, leaving a very confused and bewildered Alma with a handful of arnica.


	5. Alma

**AN:** I meant to update this sooner. I REALLY did. But...new full time job sort of stole a lot of my time plus some family issues. Luckily I'm getting back to writing this - I'm actually really emotionally attached to this story, and while I was hesitant about this chapter I think I'm good with how it turned out. Alma is focused on more in this chapter, too. When I started writing I wasn't sure just what his background would be - Kanda was who I was initially really focusing on. But gradually things about Alma just started to spill through, so here we are. ^^ Enjoy!

 **Lotus in the Snow (Snow Queen AU)**

 **Chapter Four**  
 _Alma_

Night was quiet, with only a gentle wind occasionally whispering into the darkness. It was a lulling sound, and one that Alma found to be incredibly soothing. Once when he was young Alma had actually heard someone say it was the lullaby angels sang to all the children and people in the world who felt alone. He had been a child at the time – small, and alone. He had no family then, and at that point had just been wandering in the streets without the slightest idea of what he was to do with himself. Just a ragged little boy with a scar across his nose, no one ever paid any attention to Alma. He was just some vagrant child that seemed to bring scorn onto the faces of nearly everyone who crossed paths with him.

 _"Don't pay him any mind – it's just some orphan. There's a lot of them in the city."_

 _"…Watch where you're walking. He's just some waif, but you never know if they're going to pickpocket you."_

 _"…Just some gypsy kid probably. Most likely was left behind…"_

 _"…Just some…"_

 _"…Just…"_

No one ever really saw Alma. That was the trouble with being on your own as a child – adults ignored you, and brushed you aside. Especially in the cities. Urban areas were brutal in their treatment of the young, and even more so when there were no parents to shovel responsibility onto. Alma had learned this from the treatment he often received, which was typically cold and in some cases aggressive. Frankly, not many people cared for orphans. They were just annoying complications that grated on society.

So Alma had been alone. He had been alone for a while.

 _It was cold. It wasn't cold enough to snow, but Alma was shivering nevertheless. The small, ten-year-old was huddled down off to the side of a building that led into an alley. The darkness only seemed to make it colder, but Alma didn't want to be right there out on the streets – people were cruel, and even the few pitying glances Alma was fortunate enough to receive were followed with uncomfortable silence and rushed departures. That was common._

 _The wind brushed past, and Alma shuddered. He pulled the old, thin jacket closer around his body. The boy knew he would need to find something to keep warm soon, whether it was a large piece of cloth or some old fabric from something. At that point, anything would have been acceptable._

 _He just didn't want to_ freeze _._

 _Back against the stone wall, Alma looked up. The sky was clear, but he could not see the stars from where he was. Instead he was greeted with the blackness of the night sky. Even the moon was obstructed from view, hidden behind a building no doubt._

 _A disheartened look passed over Alma as he put his head down, tired and worn out. The whole day Alma had walked throughout the city, desperately looking for any kind of work. He had been turned down on the spot by nearly everyone though, with no one wanting to hire him for a list of reasons. Some felt he looked too dirty, some said he was too skinny and couldn't do the work. Some felt he was just trouble, and some said they just didn't like the "wretched scar" across the bridge of his nose. Everyone had an excuse, just ready to deny Alma any chance of working in order to provide for himself._

 _It had thus been an incredibly draining day for Alma. He was tired mentally, as well as physically. He hadn't eaten at all and was sure he had a few blisters on his feet from the run-down shoes he wore that were practically falling apart. When was the last time he hadn't had blisters though? When was the last time he had eaten something other than what he could scavenge in the streets?_

 _He wanted to cry. He was so tired, and he just wanted to_

 _cry._

 _But the wind kept howling gently. It kept howling, as though it was refusing to even let him sleep._

 _"Mama, I don't like the wind! It's so loud!"_

 _Looking over from the alley, Alma could see the source of the voice. It was a little girl, younger than Alma, who was with a woman that was apparently the girl's mother._

 _The mother laughed gently – a sound sweeter and kinder than any Alma had heard in a long time – and knelt beside the little girl. "Sh. It's just the angels, sweetie."_

 _"Angels?"_

 _"That's right. The wind at night is just the lullaby angels sing to all the children and people in the world who feel lonely."_

 _Eyes still on the pair, Alma listened intently from the alley. A look of interest glimmered in his sky-colored eyes, as he heard the woman continued._

 _"They must be singing extra loudly for someone who needs it."_

It was a sweet thought, and despite the unlikeliness of it harboring any truth Alma had clung onto the idea following that night. It may have only been the result of some homeless boy seeking comfort, but it was _something_.

Alma rolled over, his face turned so he could look out the window as he lied on the bed. The church had a few spare rooms, with some serving as places for people to stay if they ever needed shelter. Tiedoll had given one room to Alma to call his own, which was more than the young man could have ever really dreamed of. When Alma had first passed through the village six months ago he had not expected anyone to treat him with such warmth – especially since he was caught by Tiedoll sleeping in the pews. For the most part the clergy was a bit more sympathetic to vagrants, but even their mercy was limited. Because of this, Alma had been shocked to wake up with a blanket draped over his shoulders, and some food left beside him.

Actually, Alma had been pretty certain he was dreaming, because no stranger had _ever_ done something like that before.

It was no dream though, and shortly after Alma had found the man who had shown such kindness. And that was how he met Tiedoll.

 _'I was really lucky,'_ Alma thought, _'Most other people would have just gotten annoyed by me.'_

Like Kanda.

God, why did Alma keep _thinking_ of him though? For some strange reason the moody young man had infiltrated Alma's thoughts, leaving Alma to feel a sensation of confused intrigue. Perhaps it was because Kanda seemed so…well, _contradictory._ At first Kanda had been pretty clear about his blatant dislike for Alma (though Alma _still_ did not understand what he had don't to earn such hostility – yes, he had bad luck with people it seemed, but to be threatened with a sword had seemed a bit extreme). They had even gotten into an actual fight, which if anything had really emphasized how much Kanda couldn't stand Alma – not that Alma had made it better with insulting Kanda, but that was besides the point.

Because of this, Alma had expected nothing less than some level of aggression from Kanda when he next saw him – which made their most recent interaction all the more unusual. Of everything that could have happened, Alma had not anticipated anything remotely close to an apology from Kanda. Even when he himself said sorry, Alma had done so more because that was just his _personality_. Alma didn't like being angry – it took too much energy, and it just made him feel miserable. And there had been more than enough misery in Alma's life to compensate for that.

So when Kanda had shoved that pouch into Alma's grasp, he had been stunned. So stunned that Alma had not even been able to utter a "thank you", as Kanda had immediately sauntered off to who knew where.

In the darkness, Alma eyed the pouch. It was off to the side on the nightstand, nearly empty as Alma had actually ended up using it. He had been wary at first, as Alma really wasn't familiar with herbs and medicines. Taking anything from Kanda had seemed a bit dangerous really – what if it had been some trick to get back at Alma?

But it hadn't been, and Alma's overly eager and trusting nature had worked in his favor. The herb paste had actually helped to soothe the pain caused by the bruising on his face, and the area definitely didn't feel as swollen as Alma had thought it would.

 _'It's weird,'_ Alma thought, eyes ponderous, _'I thought Tiedoll maybe put him up to it, or talked to him…but Tiedoll didn't know anything about it when I asked.'_

Tiedoll, like Alma, had shown a bit of surprise when Alma mentioned what happened later on in the evening. Apparently, Tiedoll had not even spoken to Kanda since earlier in the afternoon when Kanda and Alma had been fighting.

So much for Tiedoll putting Kanda up to it then.

Had it been an actual apology then? Alma kept musing over this, not sure just _why_ he couldn't have taken it for what it was and left it alone. It just struck him as odd how someone could do something so out of character though; Kanda did not at all read to Alma as the kind to think of someone else's well-being. He was rude and abrasive, and did not appear to care at all about the feelings of those around him. At least, that was how he had appeared to Alma.

 _'He didn't actually have to give me anything for the bruise. It would have healed eventually,'_ Alma continued to think, sighing silently. _'I should thank him….the next time I see him…'_

But before Alma could muse any further, he drifted into a quiet sleep.

* * *

The next morning it was early when Alma woke up. He technically could have slept in a bit longer – he didn't have anything he actually needed to do that early in the morning. Alma had been doing well with helping to maintain the church, constantly busying himself with any little task that arose. More than once Tiedoll had told Alma that the boy didn't need to work _that_ hard. However, Alma felt it was the least he could do given all Tiedoll had assisted him with. This was also the one job Alma desperately wanted to keep; it was stable, and compared to what Alma had been forced to endure in the past the arrangement was a practical godsend. So Alma would be _damned_ if he screwed this situation up.

Untangling himself from the sheets that he had somehow managed to cocoon himself into, Alma sat up. He ran a hand through his messy hair, feeling the ends sticking up in all sorts of angles. Tracing the palm of his hand down the side of his face, he momentarily forgot that he still had a bit of a bruise. He winced at the accidental pressure, although it was not as painful as it could have been.

Getting up, Alma walked over to where a small mirror was hanging on the wall. Ignoring the atrocious bedhead, he focused on the side of his face that was still a bit tender. Alma was rather surprised to see that it actually didn't look bad though – the bruise instead of darkening as such an injury normally would seemed to have skipped the blue-purple phase, and was already transitioning to a yellowish hue as though it were healing.

 _'Wow, it actually really helped,'_ Alma realized, feeling rather impressed by the effects of the herbal remedy. Where had this trick even been all his life? Alma could easily think of a multitude of times when something like this would have come in handy.

In the back of his mind, Alma couldn't help but wonder what _else_ Kanda knew.

This was the downside to having an inquisitive mind. Alma was the kind of person who was prone to bouts of curiosity, questioning nearly everything and anything. He was quite certain that his first words were probably "why" and "how", as any questions beginning with those two words came as naturally to Alma as the ability to breathe air. But curiosity led to restless wondering, and more often than not it tended to cause trouble. At least for Alma.

Not that it was _his_ fault – what else was he supposed to do? Leave every mystery he happened across unsolved?

 _'Yu Kanda isn't a mystery though,'_ Alma had to remind himself, despite every inkling telling him otherwise. _'He's a person, and I should stop thinking like a stalker and leave him alone.'_

As if _that_ would happen.

Anyways, possibly finding Kanda to thank him was _not_ in any way stalkerish. That was having manners, and not being creepy.

Finally managing to gather his thoughts, Alma kept his eye on the time, waiting until it got to a more reasonable hour before venturing out. It was early, but not so early that people would still be asleep. Most by this point would have been waking up and beginning whatever routine the day had in store for them. Alma contemplated stopping by Tiedoll's, mainly to ask just _where_ Kanda was since he had apparently not gone back to Tiedoll's. But Alma then remembered the vacant house Tiedoll often checked on, and recalled Tiedoll explaining once to Alma that it had been where Kanda had lived. If anything, that was the one place Alma could start.

 _'I wonder why he left. Tiedoll never really explained that,_ ' Alma thought, as he walked on. He knew well-enough how to get to his destination, having it passed it before. This allowed for Alma's mind to continuously wander, with more questions trickling into his mind with each passing second. _'It's weird thinking that someone as nice as Tiedoll helped raise someone so frigid though. But he gave me that stuff for my bruise, so he can't be that bad, can he?'_

As these thoughts ran rampant in Alma's mind, he soon came to his destination. The walk had taken less time than he had anticipated – or perhaps it was just because Alma had been so wrapped up in his musings that he had not been keeping track of the time. He recognized the house easily enough though, and for a moment felt a wave of hesitation.

What _was_ he going to say again?

Alma shook his head. He tried to remind himself it wasn't that big of a deal – he just was going to thank Kanda and that would be that. It didn't have to be anything drawn out. Just a few words, and that was it.

 _'So…why do I feel so nervous?'_

Probably because Kanda had drawn a sword on him before.

That could have been why.

At the door, Alma stood there for a solid two minutes before even raising a hand. Should he actually knock? What if Kanda wasn't even there? When looking around there were not any signs that anyone actually lived in the house. The only hint of life was the garden out front, but Tiedoll had occasionally been taking care of that.

Glancing over at the garden, Alma blinked with interest as he noticed there were some areas that seemed to have had plants or herbs uprooted. Silently, Alma wondered if it was one of those herbs Kanda had given him. _'So maybe he is here then-'_

The knob on the front door turned, causing Alma to practically jump back. He fought his nerves, quickly attempting to compose himself as he was met with a sharp pair of indigo eyes, which were piercing as though they themselves were sharpened blades.

For a moment, Alma found himself unable to look away from those eyes. The sheer intensity of Kanda's gaze was almost overwhelming, and like a frozen deer Alma was trapped, his own eyes slightly wide with an almost timid nature.

Time seemed to cease passing, as Alma suddenly found himself tongue-tied.

Kanda broke the silence. "What?" He asked, not hesitating to get to the point of why Alma was there.

Alma seemed to snap out of his frozen trance, trying to ignore how irritable Kanda already sounded. "Uh," He started, wanting to kick himself already for the lack of eloquence, "Hey!"

 _''Hey'? This guy just basically asked what you want and you say 'HEY'?'_

There was an awkward silence where Kanda didn't speak, instead staring blankly at Alma. A bit of hope surged through Alma; Kanda hadn't threatened him yet, and didn't seem as angry as Alma had thought he could have. Perhaps Alma could have a decent conversation with him after all.

 _Slam._

Or not.

Alma blinked at the door that had just been slammed in his face. Obviously, his plan had actually started to go south already, as Kanda evidently didn't care enough to even tell Alma to screw off. A brief wave of disappointment fell over Alma's expression, before it suddenly changed into a look of determination. Even if Kanda really didn't like Alma, that did not give him an excuse to slam the door in his face!

Loudly, Alma knocked. He waited a moment, listening to if he could even hear Kanda on the other side still. When there was no answer, Alma knocked again, and this time with a bit more force.

Alma had been mid-knock when the door suddenly opened again, nearly causing the young man to lose his balance. Catching himself, Alma was once more greeted by an incredibly annoyed look, and was suddenly questioning how safe it was to come find Kanda without letting anyone like Tiedoll know.

"I'm giving you ten seconds to explain why the hell you're here," Kanda warned, his words nothing short of a threat.

 _'Crap, he looks pissed,'_ Alma realized, immediately rushing to speak as the words tumbled out like a broken faucet. "Uh, I-just-wanted-to-say-thank-you-and-that-that-stuff-really-worked-and-I-don't-know-what-it-was-but-it-was-really-helpful-and-yeah-so-thank-you!"

Alma stopped, having to catch his breath, since he had literally rushed to throw out the words in under ten seconds. He silently wanted to smack himself for rambling out the words like he had, but unfortunately Alma's nerves and occasional shyness had gotten the better of him.

Kanda looked unimpressed. "Is there a reason you're answering in gibberish?"

Red instantly colored Alma's features. "N-No!" He exclaimed, somewhat embarrassed that the tumble of a thank you had been for nothing. Straightening himself, Alma pulled out the small pouch that Kanda had given him the previous day. "I…I just wanted to say thank you for this," He explained, consciously forcing himself to speak more slowly. "It really helped."

A look of comprehension passed through Kanda's gaze before shifting back into one of cool indifference. "So why didn't you just say that?"

Nervously, Alma laughed a little. It was easier to laugh at this point as a distraction rather than getting offended at every response Kanda gave (or else Alma felt that another fight could be inevitable, especially since nearly everything Kanda said could be taken offensively). "Ah, sorry…I guess I took the whole 'ten seconds' time limit too literally."

Realizing that Kanda did not appear to be making any move to kill Alma or slam the door in his face again, Alma took the chance to keep speaking. He held out the pouch, which was now empty. "Did…did you need this back though? I mean I used the herbs to help the bruising, but I figured you may want this in case you need it for something else."

Kanda appeared a bit surprised by this gesture, apparently not having expected Alma to bring back the pouch. The emotion was fleeting though, as Kanda's indifferent returned once more. "It's only cloth. It's nothing valuable."

Not sure how to respond to this, Alma could feel the uncomfortable nervousness returning. "Oh…uh...ok."

Another awkward pause.

"Was that it?"

For whatever reason, a simple yes was something Alma could not articulate. The fact that Kanda had asked something (regardless of whether he was looking for an answer) had read as something as an opportunity to Alma, allowing him to possibly quench some of the thirst his curiosity had created.

"What was that stuff exactly?" Alma asked, as genuine interest laced his voice. "I mean I know it was some kind of herb, but what was it? Do you work with plants a lot?"

The questions spilled out one after the other before Alma could stop himself. It was as if he had an on-and-off switch that had broken, preventing Alma from placing a cap on his ramblings. But when would he have gotten another chance to ask? So far Kanda seemed unpredictable above all else, and Alma hated to let a miss chance dissolve before he could take it.

Kanda kept his own expression unreadable, refusing to give Alma any insight as to how exactly he would react. His eyes remained cool, and calculating as though he were assessing just how he _wanted_ to react – which made Alma a tad uneasy. _'As long as he doesn't pull out that sword…'_

Within a split second Kanda made a move to shut the door again. Alma's own reflexes seemed to kick in at that moment as well though, and just barely he caught the door from being slammed in his face against. Alma had to struggled though, using a large amount of energy to keep Kanda from completely slamming the door onto his hand though.

"Do you _have_ to slam doors as an answer?" Alma asked, a tinge of exasperation in his voice. Really, why couldn't Kanda have just given a straight answer and said he was busy like a normal person would?

Kanda glared, ticked off that Alma had prevented him from closing the door entirely. He himself felt his own agitation flaring, as Kanda personally did not see just why this annoying kid had to so diligently piss him off. Of all the ways to have spent his morning, Kanda knew this had not been anything close to what he had wanted.

Through gritted teeth, Kanda forced a reply. "Apparently I do if I want you to shut up."

Personally, Kanda was regretting opening the door in the first place.

Alma scowled at the answer. "Oh come on! I'm only asking because you did a good job!"

"You know that's a really shitty way to give a compliment."

"You won't accept them anyway!"

A tense silence passed between the two, with Kanda and Alma both staring at each other fiercely (in Kanda's case it was more of a death glare that would have terrified a gorgon). Alma was refusing to move, with his hand still blocking the door from shutting, while Kanda was gripping the knob from the other side, clearly waiting to shut it as soon as possible. Neither were willing to move.

After a few seconds, Alma sighed, realizing that neither of them were getting anywhere. He didn't remove his hand though, because he still knew once he let his guard down Kanda would probably chop off Alma's hand in the process of slamming the door if he had to. Blue eyes soften as he looked at Kanda, Alma gained an almost puppy-like appearance. "Look, can you please just tell me what you used? I mean I did rub it over part of my face, so it'd be nice to at least know."

Kanda fought the urge to roll his eyes. What the hell was _with_ this guy? More than anything Kanda just wanted to give Alma a solid kick so the boy would maybe lose his footing and grip that was blocking the door – but for some reason Kanda was starting to feel doubtful if that would have any kind of effect.

 _'He's so persistent,'_ Kanda thought, not sure if he was more irritated or impressed by the determination Alma was exhibiting.

Actually, the answer was easy. He was irritated beyond reason.

Kanda took a breath, silently dreading the words he was about to speak. "If I show you what I used, will you go away?"

Alma blinked for a moment, with a slightly delayed reaction, as he seemed to be registering just what Kanda had said. Surprise laced his wide blue eyes, as Alma nodded his head. "Uh, yeah! Sure," He answered, fumbling over the words slightly. Alma had certainly hoped that Kanda might have agreed, but truth be told the boy had not actually _expected_ it.

Following this, Kanda let go of the door, once more nearly causing Alma to almost lose his balance. Kanda did not show any concern as he brushed past him though, and went straight to the garden near the front. There Kanda knelt down in front of some of the herbs, where Alma soon followed to.

When Alma was close enough, Kanda pointed to one group of plants – some small yellow flowers with thin leaves and long green stems. "That's arnica," Kanda pointed out, "It's good for bruises and sprains. So anything relating to muscle pain or damage."

There was a brief pause, before Kanda continued. "If you see it just crush it up into a powder. When you apply it just do what I already told you: mix it with water and apply it to where the pain is."

Alma listened, eyes look at the flower as Kanda explained it. Interest gleamed in his eyes with an almost child-like wonder, as he realized he had seen this flower often enough. Alma had just never realized how helpful it could be when used as some kind of remedy. Quietly, he wondered what the other plants helped with, or if they could be used in medicinal ways at all.

"Why are you still here?"

The question somewhat jolted Alma out of his thoughts as he shifted his gaze to Kanda. The raven-haired man was not actually looking (or glaring) at Alma, instead keeping his eyes closed as though he were trying to keep himself from possibly lashing out. This confused Alma at first, as he was wondering what he had done _this_ time, until he registered just what Kanda had asked.

 _'Oh…that's right. I said I'd go…'_

Somewhat disappointed with the realization, Alma glanced away. He should have known Kanda would have pressed for him to leave as soon as he pointed out what plant he had used. "Ah, sorry," Alma apologized, guessing he would have to leave sooner rather than later. "I was just wondering about the other plants and what they did."

Kanda scoffed. "I didn't agree to tell you every damn thing I know."

Alma whipped his head back, slightly defensive. "I _know_ that," He countered, silently wishing Kanda wouldn't talk down to him so much. "But I can still wonder, can't I?"

Kanda fought the urge to snort. Wonder? He couldn't think of wondering doing any real good in the world – at least not the kind that Alma was implying. "Plants are hardly anything worth wondering about," He muttered, almost mort to himself than Alma.

Still, Alma had heard. And immediately disagreed. "How can you think that?" He asked, though his words weren't so much accusing as they were a bit shocked.

"I mean…I didn't know this was even called arnica, or how it could be used to help someone," Alma continued, his voice softening as his thoughts began trickling out into his words. "I must have passed this flower a thousand times, and I never once stopped to think about how significant it could be."

Appearing to pull out of his thoughts, Alma looked back at Kanda, a questioning look in his eyes. "Don't you think that makes it worth wondering about?"

To this, Kanda said nothing. For a second Alma wondered if maybe – just _maybe_ – Kanda would consider agreeing with him. After all, if Kanda knew this much about plants then surely he would have some interest, wouldn't he?

"You're ridiculous."

The words came out, though they were not as aggressive as Alma had prepared for. In fact, Kanda's voice sounded as though it were an octave lower, and Alma was almost willing to call it _soft_. This caused Alma to neglect an automatic response, as his mind was processing Kanda's voice, and the strange, almost unnoticeable shift it had taken.

Kanda, who had apparently not noticed Alma's gaze, oddly enough continued speaking. "Daydreaming about what could be is nothing but a waste."

Hearing this, a small frown painted Alma's lips, expression pensive. His gaze was somewhat serious as he continued to look at Kanda, before finally looking away. "Well, _that's_ depressing."

The words came out unfiltered, with Alma's lips still in a small frown. "I mean…I don't really know you, but seesh. That's such a gloomy mindset," He commented with a slight shake of the head before looking over at Kanda. "It wouldn't kill you to lighten up a little. What do you even live for?"

Kanda's sharp gaze flickered to Alma, dark and piercing once more. Deep indigo irises clashed violently against sky-blue orbs; Alma's gaze once more appeared slightly startled by the ferocity of Kanda's eyes. They were incredibly expressive, which was quite the contrast compared to the icy stoicism or frigid anger Kanda so frequently seemed to exhibit.

Alma struggled to make of what Kanda's eyes seemed to be conveying in that moment. Was it more anger, more annoyance? No, Alma knew it was something different than that. This was not the same kind of intensity that was born from anger, but something different. What was it though?

 _'It…looks like…'_

Alma was not able to compete his thought, as Kanda stood abruptly. His body language was stiff, and his eyes had broken contact with Alma's, his attention focused on the plants before him once more.

 _'What are you thinking now…?'_

"You're right," Kanda started, voice the same low octave as it had been, "You _don't_ really know me. So you should probably just mind your own business."

Despite the lowness of his voice, the harshness of Kanda's tone was scalding. Alma could practically feel the words bleeding into his skin, with their potency signifying that he had evidently crossed some line he had not even realized existed. An anxious knot had formed in Alma's stomach, as he was not sure what to say really. For whatever reason, Alma felt that this time it was really better for him not to test his luck, and possibly to leave after all.

Unwillingly, Alma bit his lip in defeat before standing. Kanda hadn't moved from his spot, and didn't look as though he were about to. This left Alma in a somewhat awkward predicament as to whether he should have just walked away silently or at least said bye. Somehow, he got the impression that Kanda would have probably preferred him to just go.

Ah, but that just wasn't in Alma's nature.

Glancing over at Kanda uncertainly, Alma averted his gaze, not sure if he was ready to potentially be taken head on by the intensity of another stare down. "Thanks again…for telling me about the arnica."

Of course, there was no response. Alma didn't expect one, and without any further words had started off. He tried to ignore that his own steps felt a bit heavier than normal, as though they were resisting the direction of Alma's departure. However, Alma kept pressing on, constantly telling himself that now was not the time to be hovering around Kanda with his questions and ramblings.

 _'His eyes were….so expressive just then.'_

What had Alma expected? That everything would magically work out, and they would actually be cordial with each other? Alma should have been able to accept that Kanda just didn't like Alma and wanted to keep his distance. Alma had gotten over such things before – Kanda wouldn't have been the first person that disliked Alma. So why was it bothering Alma so much?

 _'That feeling in them. It looked liked…'_

What had that look been? For some reason it had seared itself into Alma's memory, refusing to loosen its grasp upon Alma. But the more he thought about it, the more a quiet sting began to gnaw at Alma, as he slowly began to discern just what it might have been.

 _'I wonder…is he in pain?'_

Against his better judgment, Alma looked back. He had not heard any rustling of dried grass or anything to signify that Kanda had left from his stance. But upon turning, Alma saw that Kanda was actually gone, and swallowed what could only have been a lump of disappointment.


	6. Daytrip

**Lotus in the Snow (Snow Queen AU)**

 **Chapter Five**  
 _Daytrip_

Kanda had been quick to leave, not wanting to risk the possibility of Alma finding some reason to turn around. His steps were swift as he walked around to the back of the house, never once looking back to see just how far Alma had gotten before disappearing all together. He fumed silently, thoroughly soured by Alma's foolish questions and comments. Could the guy really have not taken a hint? Kanda had not even wanted him around to begin with, and he had even slammed the blasted door on Alma.

' _What a complete idiot,'_ Kanda thought, proceeding to silently label Alma a whole string of insults.

What kind of world was Alma even living in? He chattered so aimlessly, talking and "wondering" about things as though the universe was some child's playground. His words were just so careless and _frivolous_ as though he didn't have to give a care in the world.

Whereas some people may have read this as youthful, Kanda read it as immature. And annoying. And obnoxious.

 _"It wouldn't kill you to lighten up a little."_

If Kanda had been capable of doing such, he would have laughed. He would have laughed so much at the complete insanity of Alma's statement, because it was just so _ridiculous_. Kanda could not lighten up – he could not _afford_ to lighten up. Lightening up meant letting one's guard down, and in a world where exorcism and akuma lived there was no way Kanda could allow for that to happen. In his short life he had already seen far too often how fragile humans were, and the last year and a half had only emphasized that. People were weak and naïve, and so often fell to the victim of those monstrosities. Even Daisya with his biting dark humor had had a laugh that was laced with arsenic, because even _he_ could not ignore the shear atrocity of it all.

But Alma didn't know. Like so many others in the world, Alma was probably one of those stupid people naïve to that kind of darkness. Ignorant to the point of damn near being an innocent lamb, silly and reckless, Alma probably did not even have that solid an understanding of what real pain even was.

 _"What do you even live for?"_

The question had stung, and it had been even more potent a sting coming from someone like _Alma_ of all people. Fist clenched, Kanda could feel his body tense at the inquiry, his core pulsating with an anger that was almost overwhelming. How _dare_ Alma question what Kanda lived for – how _dare_ he cross that line, knowingly or not, when every bleeding day Kanda for so long Kanda had willingly thrown himself into the line of fire, seeking out and destroying any akuma he could find because frankly Kanda just _could not live with himself unless he tried._

Alma could never have understood that. How could he have?

Kanda wasn't seeking understanding though. He didn't need it. He didn't want it. Kanda had his one purpose that he had assigned himself the moment he had taken Mugen, and worked with it tirelessly until he accomplished a level of synchronization with the innocence that even Tiedoll had not suspected was possible. In that moment, Kanda remembered understanding his purpose: like his father, he would be an exorcist. But unlike his father, he would not stop. He would never stop.

 _'I'll never….stop…'_

Moving from his spot behind the house, Kanda started walking. His trip home was over.

* * *

Tiedoll smiled at the man before him standing across from him in the church's hallway. There was a reassuring look in his eyes, and his voice was equally soothing as he spoke. "It's beautiful, Guzol."

The man in front of him offered a small smile in return. It was difficult for the man to be too expressive though, as his skin was dark and marred, as though it had been charred. Leathery disfigured tissue remained in place of where a normal person would have had smooth flesh, and his left eye was swollen, thus being able to open properly. A hood was pulled over his head, helping to obstruct the prominent abnormalities on his face.

Guzol looked down at the ring. It was a simple one, with a thin golden band and a small gemstone in the center. Closing the small jewelry box, Guzol put it away. "I still wasn't sure when to ask her….I'm not even sure how to."

There was a sympathetic look in Tiedoll's eyes. Guzol had been born physically deformed, and while it he had for the most part managed to function normally it had still caused a great deal of difficulty for the man. Tiedoll liked to think people in the village were for the most part accepting, but the truth was that was not always a reality. While people were for the most part decent to Guzol, individuals would often get uncomfortable around him and anxious. His appearance was unsettling, and in some cases Guzol could be found wearing a mask to help conceal the way he looked.

Overall, it was a sad situation. But Tiedoll had always done what he could to offer support to the man whenever possible – such as during this moment.

"I'm sure that whatever you decide, it will work out," Tiedoll reassured gentle. "I think anyone around can second that Lala cares for you quite a bit."

Lala, of whom Tiedoll was referring to, was a young girl in the village who had grown up with Guzol. She was a sweet thing – a musician, and often performed during different holiday festivities throughout the year. She was also the only person who had ever truly seemed to reach out to Guzol, spending time with him and assisting him in case he ever had difficulties with his health. To just about everyone it was obvious that both Lala and Guzol shared a rare and special bond with each other.

So, when Guzol had asked Tiedoll for advice on proposing to Lala there had nothing but excitement Tiedoll felt.

Guzol appeared to be slightly comforted by Tiedoll's words. "Thank you, Tiedoll."

Tiedoll was about to speak when he suddenly heard someone down the hall. Looking over, he could see it was Kanda walking toward them. _'It's good he's here – I still need to talk to him about yesterday,_ ' Tiedoll thought. The day prior had certainly been a strange one, with Tiedoll never managing to speak to Kanda about the incident that took place between him and Alma. However, later in the day Alma had spoken to Tiedoll again – apparently Kanda had given the boy some kind of herb? _'Perhaps they were able to put aside whatever grievances they had with each other after all.'_

Guzol, who had also spotted Kanda, was actually the first to acknowledge him. "Oh, Kanda – I didn't realize you were back in town."

"Guzol," Kanda greeted, as he approached Guzol and Tiedoll. "How're you doing?"

The question was not asked so much that Kanda actually _cared_ , but more so out of habit. Considering Guzol often had more health complications than the average person, the disfigured man had been no stranger to Kanda, nor had he been to Kanda's parents. In fact, Kanda could still remember seeing Guzol come regularly to check in with his mother and father, with a young Kanda often watching with quiet interest from around the corner. Once his parents were gone and Kanda had started to take on the role of "primary herbalist" Guzol had started to visit him instead.

In response, Guzol nodded. "I've been well. Nothing too serious really."

"Good to hear," Kanda answered, before glancing between Tiedoll and Guzol. "If I'm interrupting, I can come back-"

Guzol shook his head. "Ah, that's not necessary. I was just leaving," He said, before looking back to Tiedoll. "Thank you again."

Tiedoll smiled encouragingly. "You'll have to let me know how it goes."

Kanda looked in between the two, honestly not certain as to what either Guzol or Tiedoll were discussing. For all Kanda knew, it could have been anything – a lot of people in the village tended to seek Tiedoll for guidance on a variety of affairs it seemed. Guzol bid a farewell before Kanda could ponder too much on the matter though, leaving Tiedoll and Kanda in the hall.

Kanda's gaze lingered on where Guzol had disappeared to as he posed his question. "What was that about?"

A knowing look glimmered in Tiedoll's eyes., his smile lighting up. "Oh, he was just asking for some advice of the heart. You know."

Kanda sent a blank stare in Tiedoll's direction.

"Uh, nevermind that then," Tiedoll dismissed, before his expression sobered. "Kanda, about yesterday-"

"I'm leaving."

Tiedoll stopped abruptly as his eyes locked with Kanda's. He could see the firm resolve, stony and unwavering, in the young man's dark blue eyes. It was the same look Tiedoll had seen countless times before: when Kanda asked about innocence, when he asked about the akuma, about _Mugen_ ….Tiedoll was no stranger to that look, and he knew the boy's will was the equivalent of wrought iron. It was almost eerie in a way, because as Tiedoll felt that willful burn in Kanda's gaze he could not help but recall Kanda's father, who had often bore a similar look. _'Izo had that exact same expression for years,_ ' Tiedoll recalled silently. _'It hardly softened until he met Lien.'_

Naturally, Tiedoll refrained from vocalizing such a thought. It was rare that he would go as far to bring up Kanda's parents; usually it was only when Kanda himself brought them up either via a question or quiet comment that the topic was touched. That itself was something that seldom occurred though, as Kanda appeared to avoid the topic unless it was some that absolutely needed to be addressed.

Holding Kanda's gaze, a contemplative look lingered in Tiedoll's eyes. "I see," He spoke, words soft. There was no denying that Tiedoll felt immediate concern, as well as disappointment; Kanda had only just arrived it seemed, and…well, Tiedoll was worried about him. He had been worried for quite some time, even before Kanda left to venture off to who knew where. It had been for some time the boy had been slowly pulling away, distancing himself from Tiedoll and even Marie at times. Quiet, withdrawn, moody. When had Tiedoll ever seen a glimmer of joy in Kanda's eyes, or a twinkle of youth that any teenager should have still been able to cling to?

 _'God, he's hardly twenty, and already he's cut himself off so completely,'_ Tiedoll observed, mind pensive. He was cautious in how he spoke though, as the next words Tiedoll articulated were safe in their light, inquiring nature. "Tonight?"

Kanda nodded. He did not say anything though, and instead kept his expression aloof. His body, however, felt slightly rigid – which in Kanda's mind was stupid. He did not need to feel tense telling Tiedoll he was planning on leaving, and he knew Tiedoll couldn't keep him anywhere against his will.

In a small attempt to escape his own thoughts, Kanda spoke. "I shouldn't have even stayed this long. And I don't have time to sit around here doing nothing."

Tiedoll's lips turned into a frown. It was not an angry one, but again one that seemed to be formed from deep thought. His eyes that were so often warm were now sharp, as he made sure to hold eye contact with Kanda.

"Kanda," Tiedoll started, his voice unusually serious, "I need to ask you something."

If the tension had not been noticeable in Kanda's physique before, then it more than likely was noticeable now. It was as though the tension Kanda had previously felt had merely been a warning – but he should have known. He should have _known_ Tiedoll would try to bring this up. _'Damn it,'_ Kanda silently cursed, quickly tearing his gaze away. "You don't need to worry about that."

"I won't have a reason to if you stop avoiding the question," Tiedoll pointed out.

Kanda quieted at this. He hated being practically backed into a corner over anything, but he knew – even in his stubborn, hard-headed mind – that Tiedoll was technically right. Kanda's jaw tightened. _'Fine. Just let him ask. Let him ask and tell him whatever you need to so you can get the hell out of here.'_

Seeing that Kanda was not making a move to leave, Tiedoll took a breath. "The last year and a half. How has it been?"

To anyone who didn't know the context of their conversation, they likely would have thought that it was an innocent question. However, Kanda knew very well as to what Tiedoll was referring to, and he knew very well as to what the answer was. Keeping his eyes cast off to the side, Kanda gave a short answer, quiet and brisk. "Fine."

Tiedoll did not appear comforted by this, as he instantly pressed on. "Kanda, look at me," He instructed, words hard. "Look at me and tell me: _how has it been_?"

Kanda turned, eyes locking with Tiedoll's. There was a tense, silent moment hanging in between them, as Kanda did not answer for what seemed like endless minutes. His face remained collected, while at the same time demonstrating a fierce flame that seemed to blaze within his indigo irises.

Deep down, Kanda couldn't ignore the knot in his stomach. Not completely.

But he wouldn't signify that to Tiedoll. Which was why he looked the man straight in the eye while giving a single response, "It's been nothing that's killed me yet."

Something flashed in Tiedoll's eyes – worry? Kanda couldn't tell, but he wished desperately that Tiedoll would leave it be.

Obviously, that wish was made in vain.

"God," Tiedoll sighed, shaking his head slightly, as though he didn't even know what to say. "Kanda, listen to me. When an exorcist synchronizes with innocence it is because the innocence _chooses_ the accommodator. Even then, the innocence can be unpredictable. Your case is different. You actually forged a synchronization _yourself._ "

The words were nothing that Kanda did not know. Early on, he had learned that the innocence was a special entity that even exorcists did not yet entirely comprehend. It was clearly more than a weapon, and from little exorcists did know the innocence could have a mind of its own. That being said, it was the innocence that always chose accommodators, usually picking them out right away and synchronizing with their energy so that exorcists could use whatever weapon the innocence had taken the form of.

Kanda's own experience had been no such thing.

Mugen had not actually "chosen" Kanda initially. There had been no magic, no light show. There had been a definite _pull_ that Kanda had felt, though that was arguably because it was one of the last pieces he would ever see that would connect him to his father. But that was also part of the problem: the innocence had belonged to Kanda's father. It had been the innocence of _someone else._ In truth, there was no absolute knowledge that an innocence could not be used by more than one person – but it was unlikely. Highly unlikely. Which had caused for quite a shock when Kanda actually managed to synchronize with Mugen.

 _Blood…_

Why was there so much blood…?

Coughing. Kanda was coughing a lot. He was coughing a lot and his whole body ached. But what had happened?

'Mugen…I…I tried to synchronize with Mugen…'

That was right. For the past two years the now fourteen-year-old had been attempting to synchronize with the sword. Tiedoll had objected immediately when Kanda suggested the notion, and with fair reason. That had not deterred Kanda though, and the boy had regularly crept to where Mugen was kept, down below the church and hidden away from sight. Kanda had not been so stupid as to immediately force a synchronization though – no, he had started with just visiting the innocence. Meditating. Focusing. Anything to pick up on its energy so that maybe Kanda would be able to synchronize with the damned thing.

It had been a nerve-wracking process. Kanda had not dared to actually be as bold as to touch Mugen at first; he was determined, but he wasn't that blatantly stupid. While going through the documents Tiedoll had on innocence – bits and fragments really – Kanda had come across fractured accounts of exorcists in the past who had innocence go awry. They became 'fallen' it was said, with the innocence practically destroying them when there was no more adequate synchronization or the exorcist had nearly expended their energy.

Kanda had not about to risk that. Not yet.

But he had continued to come when he could. The boy had been incredibly careful not to draw attention to himself on the matter, resisting the urge to ask Tiedoll any further questions or arising suspicion. Tiedoll never would have stood for what Kanda was attempting. So when Kanda

had _become more bold with his attempts – possibly try to reach out to Mugen, only to get scalded or cut with its raw energy – he had needed to take extra precautions, turning to the herbs he grew to help heal any wounds or marks left by the attempts. For the most part, fortune favored Kanda as no damage had been severe._

Until that night.

Kanda struggled to remember just what had happened exactly. He tried to remember, but something had felt different. The energy with Mugen had reacted differently…what had been the trigger though? Kanda's memory was fuzzy, and his vision was blurry, his hand clutched around something.

He leaned against the wall. How was he still standing? Kanda could feel his legs, but they felt like liquid.

His fingers traced along the object. Smooth, warm, with an energy radiating from it that felt as though it were resonating with every fiber in Kanda's body. His eyes blinked, vision slightly blurred and struggling to focus as he looked at the sword that rested in his hand. The feathery white and trembling with energy…

Mugen.

"You shouldn't be pushing yourself like this. You're body was hit hard enough when you first synchronized and you're honestly fortunate to even be _breathing_ right now."

Tiedoll's voice had pulled Kanda back to the present moment. Eyes focusing on Tiedoll, Kanda sighed. "I get it. I'm lucky I'm alive after that, but it's not like I'm struggling with anything now," Kanda affirmed, though his tone was more annoyed, as though he was tired of trying to explain why Tiedoll shouldn't have been so concerned.

Tiedoll shook his head. "That's not all it's about though. A standard exorcist can never be entirely sure of what the innocence will do, and there's no telling what yours may one day do if you push yourself too far," The older man explained, voice laced with concern and urgency. Tiedoll stopped though, appearing to gather himself mentally before continuing, his words more even. "Please. I know I can't force you to stay here, but heavens just stay a bit longer and at least give yourself some time."

Kanda did not respond to this immediately. He had told himself he would leave at all costs before coming to talk to Tiedoll. He had told himself that no matter what Tiedoll said or did, he would not cave. Yet here was Kanda wavering, finding himself unable to turn on his heel and walk out despite how much he desperately wanted to. Why? Why could Kanda not just leave? Why was it so hard for it for him to just walk away, and never come back?

Perhaps it was because deep down, Kanda knew Tiedoll cared. For all the things that had happened, all the disagreements and occasional tension, Tiedoll had still been there for Kanda. How many years had it even been since Tiedoll took over as Kanda's caretaker? Eleven now?

The firmness in Kanda's resolve seemed to lessen, and his eyes became less hard. An air of exasperation lingered about him as he exhaled. "What am I even supposed to do here?"

Whether it was that the question itself was signifying Kanda's surrender or the way he quietly muttered it, the words seemed to calm Tiedoll down, his mind gaining an element of peace before he started to focus on Kanda's question.

It honestly could have been one of those rhetorical inquiries that Kanda was not actually seeking an answer to, but Tiedoll was not short of any responses. "Look, I was supposed to go into town today to pick up some supplies from Suman Dark, but why don't you go instead?" Tiedoll suggested. "I have a few things I need to work on here. And it would do you some good to get out and be around other people for a bit."

Kanda inwardly grimaced at the thought of being around people for an unnecessary amount of time (which in Kanda's mind was anything more than a few minutes). He was tempted to flat out disagree with Tiedoll's suggestion, but it was not as though he had a legitimate excuse for not being able to run a little errand. Kanda also figured that if he did this one thing for Tiedoll then perhaps the man would let him be the rest of his time here, which Kanda reminded himself would _not_ be much longer. Tiedoll may have convinced him to stay another day or two, but the first chance Kanda could get he would be leaving.

Begrudgingly accepting his defeat, Kanda sighed. "Fine. I'll do it."

Tiedoll's eyes practically beamed as he smiled. "Wonderful!" He exclaimed, not hiding his apparent excitement of Kanda actually being social (because in Kanda's case, being around other humans qualified as social activity in Tiedoll's opinion). Handing Kanda a slip of paper, Tiedoll explained the contents briefly. "The supplies have already been paid for, so you needn't worry about that. This is a list of what Suman should have gotten in case he needs to double check anything."

Kanda nodded, taking the list. At least it would be a simple enough errand, and Suman was not actually one of those people who aimlessly made small talk. He was a bit more of a serious man, so Kanda could handle getting things from him with no real issue.

"Thank you, Kanda," Tiedoll spoke, with genuine appreciation in his voice. Kanda was positive the thanks was more for the fact that Kanda was actually getting around people for a bit, rather than picking up supplies or anything.

Turning to walk off, Kanda shrugged. "It's nothing," He murmured, just wanting to get the whole thing over with. As he started off, he noticed Tiedoll was walking with him. Probably seeing him out as he always politely did with anyone.

"You know there are people who missed you," Tiedoll commented casually as they made their way exit the church.

"Hn. I'm sure they survived."

"You should visit with people while you're here."

"I already ran into Marie."

"Oh, Marie already tracked you down, did he?" Tiedoll jested before laughing lightly. "I swear. That man was a bloodhound in another life. He can find anything even if it's a mile away."

Kanda made no further remark, as he walked outside only to be greeting by the frigid air. The cold was more biting than it had been the previous day, with the scent of frost in the air and chilled earth.

Looking up, Tiedoll took note of the cloudy gray sky. "Hm. Wonder if we're going to get some snow soon."

Before Kanda could respond, he caught sight of someone coming around the corner of the church. Instantly, he caught sight of a familiar, messy head of hair and scar.

Spotting Alma the same time Kanda had, Tiedoll waved. "There you are! I was wondering where you'd disappeared off to."

Alma smiled when Tiedoll addressed him, rubbing the back of his head. "Ah, yeah. I…ended up going for a walk," He spoke, eyes avoiding Kanda.

Kanda glanced over at Alma, slightly surprised of the answer that Alma had given. Yes, Alma had gone for a walk – which had led to where Kanda was a very awkward and tense exchange between the two. Looking away, Kanda said nothing. _'Whatever. It's better if Tiedoll doesn't know about Alma coming by earlier,_ ' Kanda thought, still bitter over the careless words Alma had spoken and asked Kanda.

If Tiedoll noticed anything uneasy between the two, he did not indicate such. "Well, this morning it was a little nicer out. Good to take the opportunity to enjoy it when you can."

Alma nodded, before changing the subject. "Oh, I was going into town by the way – I wanted to ask if you needed anything?" Alma asked. It was at this moment Kanda noticed Alma was actually carrying a messenger bag over his shoulder with something in it, though as to what it was Kanda had no idea in the slightest.

"You are then?" Tiedoll asked, before smiling as he looked over at Kanda. "Well Kanda was actually going to run an errand for me – why don't you two head over there together?"

Kanda's head whipped over in Tiedoll's direction, face dripping with disbelief. Alma looked equally shocked, as though Tiedoll had just suggested he escort a vicious animal to town.

Seeing both Alma and Kanda's expressions, Tiedoll silently questioned what the issue was before speaking. "Oh come now, you both are going in the same direction – what are you going to do, walk on opposite sides of the road in silence the whole way there?"

 _'Yes, that is_ exactly _what we'll do,'_ Kanda thought moodily. Honestly, what was Tiedoll thinking? Kanda had agreed to run a little errand – _not_ to walk there with some annoying weirdo.

Alma laughed nervously at Tiedoll's comment. "Ah, no. That…would be kinda silly," Alma agreed, much to Kanda's irritation.

Tiedoll chuckled good-naturedly. "Well, I'll let you two be off then. Tell Suman I said hi, Kanda!"

Kanda mentally cursed. _'Damn it, Tiedoll.'_

Before Kanda could vocally object, Tiedoll had disappeared back into the church though, leaving Alma and Kanda outside. There was an awkward moment where neither of the two spoke, and neither made a move. It was only when Alma opened his mouth was the silence broken. "So..."

Kanda threw a cold glance in Alma's direction, before looking forward. Without saying any more, Kanda started to walk off in the direction of the village.

Alma did not immediately rush to keep up with Kanda, and instead opted to keep a little behind where Kanda was walking. The energy felt oddly tense and uneasy, which made Alma a little squirmish. _'Ugh, this is really awkward,'_ Alma thought, not sure how he was going to be able to handle walking to the village on the same route as Kanda. The only solace Alma seemed to find was that it was not that long a walk to the village square, and if anything they could split once they reached it. It was not like Tiedoll had suggested they return together or anything.

Still, the most recent meeting Alma had experience with Kanda was fresh in his mind. Being only that morning, Alma could still recall the high tension felt when Kanda basically told him to mind his own business. It had been a disheartening encounter really, because Alma had begun to question if maybe he could talk to Kanda more. He was not sure why he would want such a thing – after all, Kanda was rude, mean, cold, and aggressive. Not exactly good friend material.

 _'Still….there has to be more to a person than that,'_ Alma thought, as he looked forward at Kanda.

Speeding up his pace slightly, Alma went ahead and caught up to Kanda, now walking more along side him. "Sooo….what're you picking up for Tiedoll?"

Kanda said nothing, and kept walking.

Alma frowned. _'Ok….so that didn't work.'_

Still walking alongside Kanda, Alma tried again. "Are you friends with Suman? I'm not close to him or anything, but he's pretty nice – kind of quiet, but his daughter, Jamie, is really sweet!"

Still walking, Kanda finally responded, his voice heavily annoyed. "Is there a reason you have such a need to blabber on so incessantly?"

Hearing this, Alma paused. "I don't blabber incessantly…" He murmured, before looking over at Kanda. "Anyways, someone has to make up for your silence. You hardly say _anything_."

"Maybe that's because I don't want to say anything."

"Man, you're such a grouch…"

"And you're annoying. So just shut up already."

"Well by all means, _please_ don't spare my feelings or anything."

"Do you _want_ me to punch you again?"

Following that, the rest of their walk dissolved into silence, with the threat of violence appearing to leave its impact on Alma. Kanda was actually a little surprised Alma had gotten so quiet, and out of the corner of his eye looked over at the young man. Alma did not notice, as he seemed adamant about keeping his attention forward. This gave Kanda a momentary opportunity to get a slightly better look at Alma, as for once he was now preoccupied with how much he couldn't stand the guy. From the side, Kanda could see some smaller details he had not noticed before, such as the scar which seemed oddly smooth and seemed to signify whatever it was from it had been there a while, or the earring that Alma wore.

The earring definitely struck Kanda as a little odd, primarily since he had not come across too many men who wore earrings like that. It was a simple golden hoop, and nothing too noticeable; it reminded Kanda of one time specifically when he had crossed paths with some gypsy people while traveling south. Some of the men had worn earrings similar to that.

A thoughtful look passed over Kanda. He had called Alma a gypsy, but had not been certain as to whether Alma actually _was_ one. But it would explain the highly nomadic vibe Kanda got from the boy, as well as the offended way in which Alma had reacted to Kanda calling him a "gypsy vagabond."

Kanda almost felt a twinge of guilt for making the comment. Almost.

As the two walked, they soon drew close to where the village square was. Small buildings and homes were more closely laid out together, and people were out and about doing jobs, activities, or whatever daily chores the hour called for. Kanda kept his hands in his pockets as he walked, not attempting to make eye contact with anyone. He knew it was inevitable that someone would spot him, but he had just never done well socially. Alma appeared to be having the opposite reaction though, seeming to relax around more people. He was glancing around, blue eyes appearing to search for something.

Kanda noticed this. "You don't have to stay with me the whole time," He pointed out, somewhat hopeful that maybe Alma would go ahead and do whatever it was he had intended to.

Surprisingly, Alma looked as though he were considering the idea, but did not get a chance to speak before someone called out to him.

"Alma!"

Kanda and Alma both turned to see a girl who looked to be around their age running to them. She was a pretty girl, with long wavy blonde hair and large blue eyes that almost looked doll-like. A smile painted her creamy, porcelain face as she stopped in front of the two young men, with her eyes looking in between them. "And Kanda? I didn't know you were back home!" She exclaimed excitedly.

Kanda winced at the sentimental exclamation. "I'm just visiting," He replied, not wanting the conversation to linger on himself.

Thankfully, Alma chose this time to speak. "Hey, Lala," He greeted warmly, before pulling out the bag he had been carry. "I actually came to let you know I finished fixing this for you," Alma continued before pulling out what was a lyre harp, small and crafted of a smooth, richly colored wood.

Lala's expression lit up as she took the harp, her doe-like eyes skimming over the instrument. "Wow, I can't believe you were able to fix it! I had so many people look at it and no one could get it to sound right," Lala explained, as she strung a few chords on the harp, the notes sounding well-tuned. "It sounds so much better than before it broke even!"

Alma laughed softly. "It wasn't that hard to fix – it was just some of the knobs and strings. The tightening was off of some of them, so most of it was re-tuning and fixing the way the knobs turned. I think one got turned the opposite way it than it was supposed to, and that was what messed up the string."

Lala nodded in understanding, while offering a grateful smile. "Thank you, Alma."

Kanda glanced over at Alma, slightly surprised by the exchange between Alma and Lala. He had honestly not expected that Alma was good at fixing things. _'Guess he's not that useless after all. Huh.'_

Lala turned her attention back to Kanda at this time, and placed her hands on her hips. "But you, mister! Where have you been? Tiedoll said you went off to do some traveling, but you've been gone for nearly a year and a half now!"

Kanda fought the urge to roll his eyes. "Lost track of time I guess," He nonchalantly replied, not bothering to answer Lala's question.

Despite her chiding, Lala smiled. "Well it's nice to see you again," She offered, before asking, "But you said you're only visiting? Are you going to stay for the winter festival at least? It was so pretty last year, but you missed it."

A look of confusion passed over Alma, as he looked over at Lala curiously. "Um…what's the winter festival?"

"Oh! I forgot, you weren't here last winter either, Alma. The winter festival is what we do every year to celebrate the winter solstice. It's really great," Lala gushed, excitement dancing in her eyes. "Everyone decorates, and there's ice skating and music. I'll actually be performing with my repaired instrument, so you really will have to come and see!"

Lala's words caused a look of awe to wash over Alma, as his eyes appeared to sparkly slightly. "Wow, that sounds amazing! I definitely will," He agreed, before looking back to Kanda. "But you really didn't come back for that? Why?"

Arms crossed, Kanda sent a small glare in Alma's direction before speaking. "I don't ice skate and I don't make music. There was no reason for me to come back and I don't like winter."

"Kanda, don't be like that," Lala lightly scolded. "I remember you did ice skating when we were little, and you were good!"

Alma was completely caught off guard, staring at Kanda in shock. "You _ice skated_?"

Kanda scoffed. "Yeah, like over ten years ago."

Lala gave a hopeful smile. "Well, hopefully you take it up again this winter," She suggested, though Kanda was highly doubting it. "But I need to find Guzol now – he said he would listen to the aria I'm working on for this winter's performance," Lala then added, a light blush painting her cheeks as she mentioned Guzol's name.

Offering one last smile, Lala gave a small wave before venturing off. "I'll see you two around!"

As Lala walked off, Alma looked back at Kanda. "You really ice skated?" He asked, though his words were childlike in their amazement. "What's it like?"

"Hell, I don't remember. It was just when I was a kid," Kanda emphasized, wishing to himself that Lala hadn't had mentioned the whole ice skating thing – especially to Alma of all people. _'It's just going to be one more thing for him to annoy me about.'_

Alma shrugged. "Still…that's really cool you did it," He spoke, smiling slighty as he continued. "I mean I've seen people done it in the past, but I've never done it myself. It looks fun though."

Kanda wasn't really paying attention to Alma by this point, and instead was looking around. He still needed to find Suman, and once he did that he could leave. He already had been embarrassed enough with Lala approaching him when Alma was there – not that Kanda completely disliked Lala. She was sweet, and they had talked a bit more when they were younger before Kanda began to really distance himself from everyone. But it was just….

' _Overwhelming.'_

"Hey, you have to find Suman, right?" Alma asked, before pointing over in a direction. "He should be that way."

Snapping out of his thoughts, Kanda's eyes flickered to Alma. "Yeah. I know."

Alma blinked. "Oh, well…you just seemed like you were having to think about it."

Kanda twitched. "Maybe I was thinking about something else."

"Like what?"

Head snapping in Alma's direction, Kanda glared. "Don't you have anything else to do now that we're here?" He asked, not sure why Alma was still hanging around him.

Alma frowned, before looking away. "Yeah. Actually, I was going to where Suman was too."

Internally, Kanda wanted to scream. _'Just fantastic. I'm_ still _stuck with him.'_ Outwardly, Kanda managed to keep his composure and shook his head. "Whatever," He mumbled, before heading off in the direction they needed to go next.

Suman lived close to the village square with his wife and daughter. His business was mostly transporting goods and items in between the village and the next town over, so often he would also put in orders for people and bring back the items when he could. It was a solid job, and proved to be quite useful. Kanda knew Suman often got things for Tiedoll, mainly items like writing utensils and paper. Art supplies were also quite common.

When Kanda and Alma arrived, Suman was actually out front unloading some boxes from a cart. He noticed them quickly enough though, and paused his current task as they approached him. "This is unexpected," Suman noted as he looked at Kanda. "Didn't think I'd be seeing you today, Kanda."

"Didn't think I'd be seeing this many people either."

Suman gave something in between a smirk and smile. "Still as sarcastic as ever I see," He said, though there was an appreciative tone in his words. But Suman had always had a bit of a sarcastic edge as well, and in a way had appreciated Kanda's moodiness. It certainly had its entertaining moments.

Turning, Suman then acknowledged Alma with a slight nod of the head. "Alma," He greeted, with a smile before looking in between both boys. "You both here to pick up Tiedoll's order? I just brought back some things for him."

Kanda nodded, pulling out the piece of paper Tiedoll had given him earlier. "Yeah – he gave me a list with the things I should be getting for him."

Taking the paper from Kanda, Suman glanced over it. "Yeah, that looks right," He confirmed, before handing it back to Kanda. "It's actually all together. There are two boxes though, so it's good you're both here."

As Suman proceeded to go get the items, Alma peered at Kanda from the corner of his eye before looking away with slight uncertainty. "Guess I'll be heading back with you then."

"Guess so," Kanda muttered darky, thoroughly convinced the universe was just dead set on continuously sticking him and Alma together.

Suman did not take long to return. Within moments he came back outside with two boxes and handed one each to Kanda and Alma. "They're not too heavy if you each are only carrying the one, so the walk back won't be too bad at least."

Kanda nodded, and Alma seemed to remember something. Grasping the box with one arm, he reached into the messenger bag and pulled out a book. "Hey Suman, the binding on this should be good by the way," He said before offering it to the man.

Upon seeing the book, a look of relief appeared in Suman's eyes. "Oh thanks, Alma," He spoke appreciatively. "Jamie will be thrilled – she's read through it so many times I imagine that's why the pages started to fall out to begin with."

Alma smiled. "It's a really good book! I actually read through it a bit while working on fixing it."

Once more, Kanda felt a bit of surprise as his eyes moved over to Alma. From what he could tell it seemed Alma apparently fixed things? With Lala's instrument it could have been a one-time incident, but Kanda had not expected to see another exchange like that one so quickly. It also just struck Kanda as an odd talent for someone like Alma to have. The young man seemed like such a daydreaming airhead that Kanda had not been able to imagine him having a skill set that would be so practical.

"How is Jamie, by the way? I know she wasn't feeling well the last time I was here…"

Ears perking at this, Kanda looked in between Alma and Suman.

"Ah, she's doing better now," Suman answered. "It was mostly just a cold from the temperature dropping probably, but we're keeping her in a few days just to be safe."

Alma seemed content with this answer and nodded. "That's good! I'll have to come by and say hi when she's feeling better."

"She'll like that," Suman agreed. "I should get back to work now, but you two stop by anytime."

Kanda just gave a small nod, while Alma grinned. "Sure thing!"

Following that, Suman returned to his work, leaving Alma and Kanda with the supplies. Kanda internally sighed, knowing he was inevitably stuck with Alma and swallowed his pride he started walking. "Come on. Let's get this taken back."

Alma momentarily froze, apparently caught off guard with Kanda addressing him without and insult or threat. But then he registered that Kanda was walking away and Alma quickly caught up, falling into an evenly paced walk with Kanda.

As the two started on their way back, the walk was initially silent. Alma was _tempted_ to try to start a conversation – after all, Kanda had seen more talkative around Lala and Suman than any moment Alma had shared with him yet. Granted, Kanda was still not the most sociable, but in a way it had seemed like an improvement. It had also just been interesting to hear Lala mention things like Kanda ice skating as a kid, which was an image that Alma felt was fascinating as well as difficult to imagine. _'He always seems so gloomy and rigid now – I can't imagine him doing something like ice skating. I wonder what he was like when he was younger…'_

Alma was quiet as he thought this, and he started to become so lost in his thought that he nearly jumped when he heard Kanda speak.

"So you can fix things, huh?"

Alma turned, with total shock on his face. Had Kanda really just asked him a question? A question about _Alma_? Alma couldn't repress the sudden surge of excitement he felt, although he was not certain as to why that was. "U-Uh yeah," Alma started, suddenly feeling really self-conscious. "It's kind of something I've just always done. I did it a lot when I was little. Edgar used to tinker and repair things for different people as his primary job, so I would help him."

Kanda looked over at Alma from the side with a questioning glance. Alma noticed it, and quickly realized why. "Oh! Sorry – um… Edgar was kind of like my adopted father I guess. He and his wife Twi raised me and their son Bak – well, they did for a little bit at least," Alma explained, before chattering on.

"Twi and her family were gypsies, so we traveled a lot. But she taught me reading and stuff to make up for me not going to school anywhere. I actually sort of prefer reading to fixing things, but there's not as much work you can get with that," Alma then added with a small laugh. "I guess that's why I got a little offended when you called me a gypsy vagabond the other day."

Kanda shrugged. "Well you did come across that way," He pointed out bluntly, as he walked on. He should have known that asking anything would have opened a gateway of nonstop chatter from Alma, but found himself dealing with it. It wasn't as though he had anything better to do on the walk back.

Alma laughed again. "Wow, it's really that obvious? I guess I shouldn't be surprised though," He spoke before pausing. Blue eyes moving over to Kanda, Alma looked at him thoughtfully. "I'm surprised by this though. You…actually seem kind of talkative now."

Hearing this, Kanda was tempted to clamp his own mouth down in an attempt to spite that comment. However, he somehow felt that Alma would just keep talking until he received some kind of verbal reaction from Kanda.

"Tch. Don't get used to it," Kanda scoffed quietly. "This errand was a one time thing."

"Okay, okay – sorry for pointing it out," Alma conceded, not wanting to stir anything up. "I just thought it was kind of nice talking."

"You realize this conversation has been mostly one-sided, right?"

"Maybe you're just a more quiet person."

"How _dense_ are you?"

This time, it was Alma who sent a glare in Kanda's direction. "I'm _not_ ," He firmly countered, voice more serious. "I'm just an optimist who is trying to see the good in people, but frankly you are making that difficult."

Once more, Kanda found himself rolling his eyes at the frivolous idealism. "You wasting your energy only to be disappointed is not my fault."

"…Well at least you haven't threatened me yet."

"I can fix that."

Alma quieted for a bit once more, sky-colored eyes looking over at Kanda. At first his expression appeared a bit put off, then contemplative. Unexpectedly, a wide smile broke out onto his face as he sudden began laughing. Not a light laugh – but a hearty one as though Alma had been told one of the funniest jokes in the world.

Kanda ceased walking abruptly. His dark blue eyes narrowed, as he instantly felt as though he were being made fun of. Was Alma just not taking him seriously? "I don't see what's so funny."

Attempting to catch his breath, Alma's laughter finally began to slow, as he struggled to find a moment to speak. "S-Sorry. It's just….you're just so _adamant_ about it," Alma explained, his cheeks lightly pink from laughing. A smile was still on his face as he looked over at Kanda. "I guess it's just easier for me to laugh at this point. If I kept getting bothered by every cold shoulder answer you gave I would lose my mind."

Alma paused briefly, before continuing. "I don't know how you do it. Keeping that grumpy energy up. Don't you get tired of it?"

"I'm getting tired of _you_ ," Kanda snapped, starting to walk again.

"Aw, I'm not that bad!" Alma half-whined, half-jested. He sped up his pace so that he actually was able to get in front of Kanda, and turned so that he was walking backwards, facing Kanda as he spoke. "But really – don't you ever crack a smile? I mean you _can_ smile right?"

Kanda felt a twitch, not particularly enjoying Alma trying to have a face to face conversation. "You better watch where the hell you're walking," He muttered, not sure why Alma was so stupidly walking backwards.

Alma didn't pay Kanda's words any mind. "Okay, when was the last time you smiled? Now I just _really_ want to know."

Kanda exhaled, trying to keep calm. Silently, he was hoping that maybe Alma would just fall.

"Alright, Yuu – keep ignoring me. I'll probably find out from Tiedoll."

Kanda glared. "I thought I told you not to call me that-"

It was at this moment that all words were stopped, as Alma lost his footing. Having been walking backwards, he had not see the slight decline in the road – and since Kanda had been too irritated to notice as well, he had not been able to give Alma a head's up (though he probably wouldn't have bothered anyways). Alma 's trip resulted in him falling off to the side, and into where there was a slight ditch by the road.

Impulsively, Alma grabbed the front of Kanda's coat in a doomed attempt to keep himself from totally losing his balance. This had only caused Kanda to fall down with Alma though, with both young men landing painfully on their backs and dropping the boxes.

"Ow…."

"You dumbass…."

There was a moment where both Alma and Kanda were attempting to catch their breath, the fall quite thoroughly knocking the wind from them. Kanda himself was just beyond what even to make of the situation. How had he even ended up in this scenario? How the hell had Kanda, who had been bloody hunting akuma for the past year or so, ended up on his back in a cold ditch next to some silly gypsy who couldn't stop _smiling_?

It was so completely out there and unprecedented, that Kanda found himself smirking. Then there was a lightness within himself, small at first but quickly snowballing, until Kanda did the unthinkable and just laughed.

Alma stared, bright eyes completely startled by the odd musicality that erupted from Kanda's vocal chords. At first, Alma actually thought he may have just hit his head a bit too hard in the fall – but then he registered that Kanda was actually laughing. On his back with his dark hair in the brittle, frozen grass and laughing. And Alma started to laugh to.

In the midst of his own laughter, Alma tried to speak. "Hahaha! Y-you mean to tell me that we had to fall to make you laugh!?" He asked merrily, before laughing some more.

Kanda, who was still laughing, tried to compose himself while failing miserably. "S-Shut up, you damn idiot!" He attempted to scold, though the intimidation he had attempted was faulty given that Kanda was still laughing. God, why was this so funny even?

 _'Why am I even laughing it at this?'_ Kanda wondered, as their laughter echoed in their ears. _'I can't stop laughing. It's so stupid. I shouldn't be laughing but I can't stop.'_

"Y-You know I'm glad you're laughing this much because that fall seriously hurt my ass!"

"Damn it, s-shut up Alma!"

But they just kept laughing, and Kanda couldn't help but notice that for whatever reason it felt a little easier to breathe.

* * *

 **AN:** FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY. Things are actually starting to move along. I swear the beginnings are always the slowest. ;_; A lot of characters/side characters are in this chapter - I don't know why, but side characters give me life, and Lala and Guzol were the first pairing I shipped in DGM to be honest. _ I more or less added them for my own satisfaction. ^^

Thank you so much for the feedback those to those of you who had messaged me/or commented!


	7. A Stinging Nettle and a Lotus

**Lotus in the Snow (Snow Queen AU)**

 **Chapter Six**  
 _A Stinging Nettle and a Lotus_

The next few days passed relatively quickly. While Kanda had agreed to stay "a bit longer" by Tiedoll's description, he had not planned to stay more than an additional day or two. However, two days turned into three, and then three days turned into four. Before Kanda knew it a whole two weeks had passed, along with the remainder of November. The dry brittleness of frozen earth had progressively become colder, and the color scheme of the world paler. Frost frequently dusted barren trees and frigid blades of grass, while the north wind continued to whisper promises of snowfall and ice storms.

 _'Damn this cold,'_ Kanda thought. His hatred for winter had not lessened during the past few weeks of being back in his childhood home, and it did not appear to have a chance of ever wavering. The only saving grace that Kanda had experienced about the season yet was the fact that somehow there had yet to be a snowfall, of which he was immensely grateful for. God forbid when the time came and Kanda had to deal with _that_.

A gust of cold air blew past Kanda, and he instinctively grasped his scarf to keep it from getting blown back. The air smelled of ice, and Kanda wondered if that meant it would snow soon.

 _'Hopefully not,_ ' He prayed to himself, as he quickly retreated into his house. Shutting the door behind him, Kanda welcomed the increase in temperature. He discarded his coat and scarf, throwing them on the back of a chair while discarding some freshly collected stinging nettle onto the kitchen table that was wrapped in cloth. Kanda had not anticipated collecting any nettle, since it was so close into winter and most plants had withered away. But, he had come across a few of the leafy plants barely surviving the onset of winter, and out of impulse he had taken them before nature did.

Not that he was sure why he had taken them, or why he seemed to keep making so many herbal concoctions to have on hand. Especially since it wasn't like he was _staying_ for that much longer or anything.

Kanda had been telling himself that for the past two weeks. He had been constantly telling himself, _reminding_ himself, that he wasn't going to be staying for long. He couldn't. Kanda was an exorcist, and he had a job and a duty to eliminate as many akuma as possible. That was why he had synchronized with Mugen, and why he had run off. He wasn't some plain, ordinary herbalist who could just sit by idly why such monsters ran rampant.

So why was he practically _stalling_?

No, he wasn't stalling. That's what Kanda told himself; stalling signified that he was running away from and avoiding something. That he was weak, and hiding. Procrastinating. Putting off. _'No, that's not what I'm doing. I'm not weak, and I'm not running from anything.'_

He kept telling himself this, but lately it seemed more as though he were trying to convince himself of something.

Shaking his head, Kanda walked over to the cast iron stove and lit a fire. He placed a small pot of water on the top plate, knowing he would need to boil the nettles in order to get the stinging fibers removed. _'How is it I'm just doing these mundane activities now?'_ Kanda questioned, not even certain as to why he had already fallen into such a rhythmic pattern. He supposed it really shouldn't have seemed that odd considering herbalism had taken up the majority of Kanda's time prior to exorcism. Aside from it serving as a way to work and make money, it had also been an incredibly therapeutic practice. It was quite and meditative, and it did not require Kanda to continuously expend his energy working with other people.

Actually, Kanda really had enjoyed working with herbs and gardening if he were to try to put it into words. It was hard to use words such as "enjoy" though, as Kanda had so often struggled with the looming darkness of a deep anger that never quite dissolved. The feathery lightness that came with feelings such as joy and pleasure was frequently weighed down by the begrudging nature Kanda had developed over the years, clouding his heart with stony gray and smoldering charcoal. More than likely this was why it seemed such a rarity for Kanda to ever laugh or smile, as the dark knowledge of akuma was simply too much of a chain for Kanda to completely free himself from.

But then Alma had come along. Kanda wouldn't have gone as far to call Alma his _friend._ No, Alma was still weird and really annoying and he just didn't know when to shut up. But following that trip to the village Kanda's second full day back something peculiar had happened, and for a moment Kanda's guard had completely cracked as he and Alma were on their backs after that embarrassing fall. Looking back, Kanda couldn't even think of what had possessed him to laugh. Normally, he would have been fuming at the situation and probably would have socked Alma again right there – but instead Kanda fell into a contagious peal of laughter with Alma, as though they were two children having the time of their lives.

Kanda didn't understand it. He was doubtful that Alma would have understood it any better.

Alma. Alma, who had taken that laughter as a sign of surrender from Kanda and started to come around more. Asking how Kanda was. Asking what he was doing. Asking so many annoying questions that Kanda sometimes really regretted letting his guard down.

Kanda would tell himself this was what he thought, and this was what he felt – though he never really turned Alma away for some reason.

 _'It's only because he would keep hassling me if I kept trying to ignore him,_ ' Kanda thought, still waiting for the water to boil. _'I'm just going too soft.'_

God, Kanda _really_ needed to get back to exorcism.

The back door that led into the kitchen could be heard opening suddenly, and Kanda immediately looked back, body tensing. He was actually prepared to just grab Mugen, but immediately recognized the unwarranted visitor. Glaring, Kanda turned back to focusing on the water that was starting to boil. "I thought I told you to knock," Kanda grumbled.

Alma shut the door behind him, sliding his messenger bag off his shoulder and sitting down in one of the chairs at the table. He smiled brightly in spite of Kanda's unfriendly greeting, having accepted Kanda's moodiness as just some part of his personality. "Well when I knock at the front you always take forever to answer," Alma answered.

"Anyways, I _did_ knock at the back. You just didn't hear me. But I wanted to bring this by for you," Alma added, before pulling out some of the contents of his bag. In it were actually some grocery items – a bag of some fresh vegetables, and a bag of some thin, wheat noodles. "Tiedoll said you liked these things – I think they're called soba noodles?"

Kanda turned, looking back at the groceries Alma had brought. Instantly, he could feel his cheeks heat up slightly as he turned back around stiffly, not wanting Alma to catch any hint of what may have been embarrassment. "I'm not starving here. I don't need you picking up anything," Kanda snapped, feeling a bit conflicted. On one end, he was sort of irritated – did Alma think Kanda couldn't take care of himself? But then, Alma _had_ gotten soba noodles – which had actually been Kanda's favorite food since he was a kid.

It was honestly a really thoughtful gesture.

Kanda wasn't going to _say_ that, but…

Alma didn't appear offended by the lack of gratitude and just laughed lightly. "You don't need to freak out," He explained, "You just hardly have anything here, and it may snow so I figured it'd save you a trip to town since I was already there today."

Idly, Alma started fingering the cloth bag Kanda had left on the table. "I don't know why you don't just stock up and buy groceries in advance like a normal person. I mean it would save you all the little trips you keep making."

Kanda tried to focus on the water. It was finally coming to a boil, so he would be able to add the nettles in soon. "It's not a far walk, and I'm not even going to be here much longer," Kanda pointed out coolly, "So there's no point in buying much if I'm not going to be here."

Alma frowned to himself as he heard Kanda say this. "You said that last week though," He mentioned, as he once more was distracted by the clothed bag. _'What does Yuu even have in there?'_ He wondered, guessing it was most likely some kind of herb. Rather than changing the topic to asking his question aloud, Alma opted to stay on the current subject as he glanced in Kanda's direction. "I don't get it. Why don'tyou just stay here? I mean…it's your home, isn't it? What do you even have to leave for?"

Kanda, who still had his back turned to Alma and was instead was focusing on the water, closed his eyes briefly in mild frustration. It wasn't as though he could actually explain the truth to Alma. The world of exorcism and akuma was one that was kept more private. While there were people who knew of the existence of the akuma and believed in them wholeheartedly, a vast majority of the public attributed such creatures to myth and superstition. Even in Kanda's village, the only people who knew of akuma were himself, Tiedoll, and Marie while the remainder of the people dwelled in a blissful ignorance.

"I just have things I need to do," Kanda finally answered, deciding it best to keep his answer as vague as possible. "So I can't stay here, and I'm going to have to leave soon. So stop pestering me about it already."

As Kanda spoke, Alma had taken to opening the cloth, briefly becoming distracted with the contents of it. He caught sight of a thin, leafy plant that he was not sure if he'd ever seen before. "So when is soon?" Alma asked, as his eyes flickered over to Kanda before going back to trying to figure out what the herb was. "You keep saying that, but you never actually _explain_ anything – _OW_!"

With his sudden outcry, Alma quickly pulled his hand back from the plant. There was a painful stinging sensation along the fingers of his hand that had brushed against the leaves that caused the skin to almost feel as it were burning. "Shit, shit, shiiiiiit!"

Kanda stopped what he was doing and turned. "What?" He asked, before his eyes registered the cloth bag that Alma had tampered with. Indigo eyes widening slightly, Kanda immediately went over to Alma and took his wrist, careful not to touch the young man's hand. Sure enough, Kanda could see along Alma's fingers were the skin was already red and irritated.

Kanda looked at Alma, unimpressed. "You're a real moron, you know that?"

Alma hardly paid the insult any mind, instead too pre-occupied attempting _not_ to focus as much on the burning – which did not appear to be getting any better. He almost had not even noticed that Kanda had actually taken his wrist, and was still holding it. The touch was just so _light_ and…

Alma tried to focus. The stinging must have gotten to his head. "What do you have in there?" He asked through a small grimace. Was the burning _ever_ going to stop?

"It's stinging nettle. So as you can imagine, it _stings_ when you touch it. Idiot."

Eyes widening, Alma's mouth fell open slightly. "What!? Why do you even have that!?"

Kanda sighed, slightly exasperated. He knew he very well couldn't just leave Alma without putting something on the irritation, or else Alma could accidently spread the fibers that may have pierced his skin. _'Stupid. This is why he shouldn't even be here,'_ Kanda thought to himself before standing, letting go of Alma's wrist. "Don't touch anything with that hand yet," Kanda instructed, as he went to the cabinets to start pulling some things out.

Not wanting to accidentally cause himself any further pain, Alma did as he was told and left his right hand alone. The burning was still continuing, with his skin red and slightly blotchy from where the leaves had brushed against it. He honestly was really regretting having opened that bag, but how could he have known there would be a stinging plant inside?

Within the next minute, Kanda returned and sat in the chair beside Alma. He had with him a warm washcloth and some bandages. There was also some crushed up green leaves, but Alma had no idea what it was.

"Here, let me see your hand," Kanda said, as he gently took Alma's wrist. His fingers gingerly guided Alma's hand so Kanda was able to see where all the irritation was, to where he then began to press the warm washcloth.

Alma winced slightly, as the cloth initially caused a sharp pain with the pressure. His hand had twitched slightly as a result, and Kanda sent a slightly vexed look in Alma's direction in response.

Sheepishly, Alma smiled. "Eh, sorry. Guess it was kind of a reflex," He spoke, somehow keeping his tone amiable. "Those stings can be pretty sharp."

Kanda exhaled. "That's what happens when you mess with things you shouldn't," He scolded, going back to focusing on pressing down the washcloth. He wanted to make sure there were no fibers left in Alma's skin before trying to apply anything to heal it.

Alma bit his bottom lip. He felt a bit foolish for having done something that really _did_ seem stupid in retrospect; once more, Alma's curiosity had come back to get him into some kind of predicament, and now he had a nasty irritation on his hand and Kanda of all people was having to help him.

 _'This is weird,'_ Alma thought, his awareness focusing in on the way Kanda was gently applying pressure with the cloth. Once the initial shock of the stinging from the pressure began to subside, Alma noticed there was a soothing sensation that could be felt. Kanda was careful in the way he handled Alma's hand, and with a delicate precision began to apply some of the crushed green leaves to where the skin was red.

Neither Alma nor Kanda spoke during this. Kanda was focused on his task, and Alma was focused on Kanda. There was an almost tranquil look upon Kanda's face, Alma noticed. The young man's normally serious expression was still such, but while his eyes remained concentrated there was a soft fluidity to the way Kanda worked that Alma could not help but find fascinating.

It was not the first time Alma had seen this side of Kanda though. In the past two weeks, Alma had progressively started to come around Kanda more. Since Kanda for whatever reason never really pushed for Alma to leave, this had allowed Alma several opportunities to see Kanda do his work. It had not escaped Alma the difference in disposition Kanda would take on while engaging in the meditative practice, and a contrast to the often snappish and aggressive attitude Kanda regularly had. Perhaps this was why Alma _did_ seem to be visiting Kanda more frequently; rather than Kanda just being some rude and brash young man, there was at times a depth there that Alma could see.

Once Kanda applied the cool leaves to the skin, he began to wrap up Alma's hand, his touch gentle. "You're going to need to keep this on at least until tomorrow. Most of the irritation should be gone by then."

Alma nodded mutely. He kept his eyes on the bandages that was still wrapping onto his hand, for some reason not quite able to bring his own eyes to look at Kanda's.

"Try not to mess too much with this hand either, or use it a lot. The skin will still be sensitive, so even if it feels fine at first any sudden pressure could cause some more stinging."

Alma finally looked up, an inquiring look in his eyes. "Are you…leaving to become a doctor?"

Kanda stopped mid-bandage, completely surprised. His concentration was momentarily broken, as his indigo eyes met Alma's with what appeared to be total bewilderment. Kanda recovered himself though, and scoffed. "Hell no. Why would I bother pursuing that?" He asked, returning to the bandages. Where had Alma even gotten such a notion?

Blushing, Alma looked away. "Um…it just would make sense I guess. You're really good at helping people feel better."

Kanda looked at Alma, noticing the way his cheeks were colored a light pink. _'What's with him?'_

Kanda didn't voice his thought aloud, and secured the last bandage. "Anyone could learn this. It's nothing special or anything."

Alma kept his gaze averted. "Not everyone had a gentle hand like that though…" He spoke quietly.

Once more, Kanda's eyes flickered to Alma. "What was that?" He asked, his voice not so much accusing as it was confused. Had he actually heard Alma correctly?

Blush deepening, Alma's turned his head to look at Kanda as he attempted to explain himself in a slight fluster. "Uh, I didn't mean anything weird by that! That probably sounded odd…" He murmured. "I just meant you have a gentle hand is all. You can't really learn that sort of thing."

Kanda raised an eyebrow. _'Gentle hand…'_ He repeated mentally, recalling what Marie had said to Kanda when he first returned home.  
 _  
"You've always had a gentle hand with healing. You shouldn't let your anger overpower it so much."_

 _'Whatever,'_ Kanda thought, not sure what Marie or Alma were thinking. There was nothing gentle about his hand.

Not commenting on Alma's words, Kanda released his right grip around Alma's wrist, but was still allowing for the bandaged hand to rest in the palm of his left hand. "You should be fine now."

Alma nodded, pulling his hand away. He was pleased to feel that the stinging had already dulled and smiled. "Thanks – it feels better already."

"Just don't do it again," Kanda mumbled, before removing the cloth bag of nettles carefully, and taking them over to the boiling water on the stove to be put in. "And _try_ not to touch anything else while you're here."

Alma scratched the back of his head, laughing softly. "Sorry, Yuu – sometimes I get so fascinated with new things I guess I can't help it."

Kanda turned to shoot a small glare at Alma. Alma quickly seemed to understand what it was for. "Sorry, sorry! Calling you Kanda just seems so weird – I mean it's your last name, isn't it?"

Before Kanda could answer, Alma continued on. "And Yuu is such a nice name too – do you just not like it? I guess I can kind of relate. I always felt a little weird because 'Alma' is such a girly name. But then I found out it meant 'soul', and I thought that was pretty cool!"

As Alma rambled on, Kanda kept quiet. He wasn't sure _why_ he had started to tolerate Alma being around, or even when he had stopped completely threatening to skewer him with Mugen on the spot. But at some point there had been an odd trend that had seemed to take effect where Alma would somehow always find Kanda, and start talking about anything and everything. Kanda would (begrudgingly) listen, occasionally telling Alma to shut up or making some mean remark. Alma would laugh it off. Kanda would let him. It was an unusually tolerable situation that Kanda was progressively becoming more and more used to.

Then there was the issue of his name. Kanda never let anyone call him Yuu – not even Tiedoll. Yuu was the name of some innocent and naïve child who was weak and knew nothing. Who was vulnerable and easily at risk. It wasn't a name that Kanda liked to be called by, because it was too personal and familiar. When Alma had at first called Kanda by that familiar name he had been quick to snap more, with Alma always apologizing with that damn little smile and well-meaning words. Eventually, Kanda had started snapping less over it, as he was beginning to become used to the name. It was a little surreal how quickly such a thing occurred, and Kanda instinctively felt the need to resist it – hence why he would still glare at Alma when called Yuu, or make some snide remark on occasion.

Most likely, Alma wouldn't stop calling him Yuu though. Not anytime soon. And Kanda wasn't sure how he felt about that.

Kanda returned to the table and sat down silently as Alma continued to talk. Really Kanda was only half-paying attention, as he sometimes would start to tune out Alma after so long. This was actually something Kanda had sometimes done when working with Daisya; although Kanda had for the most part worked well with the man, Daisya had talked a lot and Kanda had frequently taken up the habit of ignoring the Turk from time to time. It was a skill that Kanda had mastered, and it would occasionally kick in even without Kanda trying to tune anything out consciously.

Mind sort of aimlessly drifting, Kanda fingered the lotus pin in his pocket. He had it with him as he always did, and felt the tiny, intricate design on the petals as his fingertips grazed them. Dark blue eyes flickering downward to his pocket, Kanda pulled out the pin slightly, glancing at the hint of silver.

"Yuuuuuuuuu."

Alma's sing-song voice caused Kanda's head to snap over. "What?" He asked sharply, annoyed by the melodious way that Alma called his name.

Alma was leaning with his elbows on the table, his chin resting in the palm of his non-injured hand. "You were completely zoned out just now – I must have said your name at least twice before," He explained as he looked at Kanda. "What were you thinking about?"

"Tch. None of your business," Kanda replied shortly.

"Aw, you really won't tell me?" Alma asked, with his words sounding like a playful beg.

"Don't whine like that. It's creepy and annoying as hell."

"But I always tell you what I'm thinking!"

"Idiot. I don't _ask_ you to divulge every damn though that enters your head. You do that of your own free will."

Alma pouted, crossing his arms as he sat back in the chair. "Fine. I won't tell you anything anymore then – wait, is it _snowing_?!"

Already appearing to forget his declaration, Alma excitedly ran to the window. Outside, flurries of white could be seen as they fluttered down from the gray sky, powdery and light. Eyes sparkling, Alma watched the snowflakes dance as they cascaded downward. "Wow, it looks like it's going to be the first snowfall this winter. I bet everything will look really beautiful once it's covered."

Kanda was still at the table, but had turned his head to glance out at the window. Sure enough he was greeted with the sight of a fresh snowfall. Expression hardening, Kanda looked away scornfully. He knew winter was inevitable, and that the snow would have eventually come, but that had done little to lessen the disgust he was suddenly feeling.

Still looking out the winter, Alma was ignorant to Kanda's shift in mood. Instead he remained fixated on the snow that was outside, as he started chattering once more. "Do you think the lake will be frozen enough to ice skate on now? I thought about asking Lala if she could show me how to – you know, since I've never done it," He added. "Hopefully I don't fall too many times out there."

Alma glanced back at Kanda. "We should go outside! It doesn't look super windy or anything."

The suggestion only resulted in Alma receiving a dark look from Kanda. "Why the hell would I want to go out into _that_?"

"Because it's the first snowfall! Don't you want to experience it first hand?"

Turning away from Alma, Kanda stood. He didn't respond at first, and after a moment only spoke lowly, words potent in their distaste. "No. I don't."

Alma paused, not expecting that kind of response. He knew Kanda was usually opposed to most light-hearted activities, but the way Kanda had spoken the words it was hard to ignore the animosity that laced them. Even in the shortness of the answer, there had been a notable weight to Kanda's words that Alma found himself unable to brush off.

 _"I don't like winter."_

The words Kanda had spoken that first day they went to the village square together came back suddenly, as Alma recalled the words Kanda had spoken to himself and Lala. At the time, Alma had not thought much of the statement; at that point he had only known Kanda to be disagreeable, and had not thought much of how deeply Kanda's dislike for winter ran.

Eyes on Kanda, Alma's expression was soft. "Do you really not like winter?"

Kanda glanced back to Alma, dark indigo irises meeting sky blue ones briefly. For a moment their gazes locked, and Alma watched as he could almost swear he saw something akin to pain flash in Kanda's eyes.

But like a trick of light or a fleeting shadow, it was gone and Kanda broke eye contact. "You should go. I have things I need to do."

Alma hesitated. In the past two weeks, it had become normal for him to hang around Kanda when neither of them were doing much of anything else. Occasionally Kanda would snap a little or make a biting remark for Alma to shut up or leave, but it had almost become an amusing form of banter between the two. It was rare that Kanda would actually push Alma to leave – actually, such had not really happened since the first few days of Alma being around Kanda.

Kanda sounded serious though. It was a different kind of serious too, and Alma found himself unable to treat the situation too lightly.

"Um…okay," Alma agreed, sounding slightly uncomfortable as he grabbed his messenger bag. He looked at Kanda, and offered a weak smile. "I'll see you soon, Yuu."

Kanda didn't respond. 

* * *

Alma walked as the snow fell, sticking to his hair and melting as soon as it grazed his warm skin. It was cold, but he honest didn't mind; he liked the snow, and the powdery whiteness. There was a pristine beauty to it that could transform any landscape in just a few moments, and it never ceased to leave Alma in some state of awe.

A few snowflakes danced into his eyelashes, and he blinked them away. _'I kinda wish Yuu was here.'_

The thought came suddenly, and caused Alma to pause momentarily. He supposed it made sense to think such a thing; he did wish that Kanda could have experienced the snowfall, because to Alma there was nothing really like it. However, Kanda had made his stance on winter clear: he did not like winter, and wanted nothing to do with it.

Alma lightly kicked his foot along the grass, which caused the snow collecting on the ground to sprinkle forward. _'Yuu seemed really upset just now,'_ He thought, as he recalled how the air around Kanda had appeared to change when Alma pushed with more questions. _'He's always pretty moody, but this was different.'_

Clutching the strap of his messenger bag, Alma continued on walking. He ended up not going all the way to the church though, and instead found his way to Tiedoll's home. The snow was beginning to fall a bit more heavily by this point, and Alma could feel his dampened hair sticking to his face by the time he reached the front door. He knocked two times before pulling out the spare key Tiedoll had given him, letting himself into the house. Warmth immediately greeted Alma, where he then noticed the small fireplace in the room had been lit.

"Is that you, Alma?" Tiedoll's voice called from the back room – the one that he often used to paint in.

"Yeah, it's just me," Alma responded, sliding off his messenger bag.

Tiedoll appeared from the back, and sure enough Alma could see some traces of paint on his hand. Alma could not help but smile at this, his blue eyes twinkling. "Has the snowfall sparked some artistry?"

Tiedoll laughed. "Of course it has! Snowfalls are excellent for that, you know," He spoke before taking note of Alma's appearance, "But please, warm up here for a bit before venturing back out. It seems the snow has left your pretty soaked."

"Ah, it's not too bad. It was really worth it with how pretty it looked."

 _'Such a sensitive boy,'_ Tiedoll thought fondly. He had noticed early on how empathetic a person Alma appeared to be, and how in tune he seemed when it came to more emotional experiences. There was a warmth and level of compassion there that Tiedoll did not always find it easy to come by in people – which may have been one of the reasons Tiedoll had been so keen to help Alma by offering him work and a place to stay.

Nodding, Tiedoll motioned over to the fire. "Well, have a seat. I had just finished and was cleaning up in the back."

Doing as suggested, Alma placed himself close to the fire. The warmth of the golden flames felt inviting when compared to the frosty winds and frigid temperatures outside, and Alma could already begin to feel his dampened hair drying. He glanced outside, noticing the powdery snowflakes as they continued to cascade from the cloudy gray sky.

Tiedoll had a seat across from Alma. There was a moment where it was quiet between the two, and Tiedoll could not help but notice there was a somewhat distant look in Alma's eyes as though the boy's mind were elsewhere.

"You seem to be pretty deep in thought over there," Tiedoll observed aloud.

Alma's blue eyes seemed to focus, returning to the present moment as he glanced over at Tiedoll before smiling sheepishly. "Sorry," He apologized, "That kind of happens sometimes."

"No, no. Don't apologize for it," Tiedoll spoke, not intending to make Alma feel regretful or anything. "I was merely observing, partly out of my own curiosity."

Alma could understand any such questioning interest – he himself was subjected to it often. However, Alma felt a bit of hesitancy to share what was currently on his mind. It was not that he didn't trust Tiedoll by any means, as Tiedoll was probably one of the people Alma would trust most. However, Alma couldn't help but feel a bit shy suddenly – though he couldn't quite say why.

Actually, maybe asking what was on his mind _would_ be beneficial.

Looking to the fire, Alma's face felt lightly flushed as he worked up the nerve to ask Tiedoll the question that was plaguing him. He silently thanked the fire for putting out as much heat as it did, as he could blame the rosiness of his cheeks on the flames.

"Tiedoll…" Alma started, feeling like a little kid as he tried to find the right words. "...Do you think Yuu actually likes me?"

Tiedoll blinked as a genuinely confused expression appeared upon his features. Alma saw this, and felt his face heat up with embarrassment as he realized just how weird the question sounded. "Uh, th-that came out wrong!" Alma stuttered out, mentally kicking himself for his lack of eloquence. Why couldn't he just ask normal questions?

Seeing Alma's flustered state, Tiedoll could not repress a small laugh. "What sparked this inquiry?" He asked, his voice kind and not at all put off by Alma's initial question.

Alma breathed in some relief, thankful Tiedoll didn't seem to think the question was too odd. Still, he took the time to explain what he meant. Blue eyes moving their attention to the fire, Alma spoke. "I guess I just…can't tell if Yuu actually likes me or is only tolerating me. I mean he doesn't always seem to mind me hanging around, but then…I don't know."

Alma shook his head, trying to find the words. He ran his fingers through his now-dry hair, his expression one of concern. "I guess I'm worried I said the wrong thing. He seemed kind of upset today."

A small, thin frown appeared on Tiedoll's lips. He was not oblivious to the notable softening of Alma's voice, or the way his sky-blue eyes flickered with self-conscious worry. He clearly was anxious over having said the wrong thing to Kanda – which Tiedoll could not help but find interesting. Within the past two weeks, he had noticed there had appeared to be a developing attachment Alma had to Kanda, which was made even more intriguing by the fact that Kanda had not actually pushed Alma away entirely. Tiedoll could not deny that this had made him somewhat happy; he could not remember the last time Kanda had ever let anyone really into his life, save for himself or Marie. Everyone else Kanda had kept at a safe distance, pushing them away and ignoring them when he could.

Alma seemed to be different though.

 _'Alma even calls Kanda by his first name, and Kanda seems to be fine with it,_ ' Tiedoll recalled, noticing Alma spoke of Kanda in such a familiar way. Stroking his chin, Tiedoll's eyes remained on Alma. "Alma," Tiedoll started, "Kanda is…quite a distant person at times. He doesn't tend to open up to that many people."

At this point, Tiedoll paused. He knew he needed to be careful in how much he talked about Kanda, but at the same time felt the need to give Alma some kind of insight. "As you've noticed, Kanda doesn't even let anyone call him by his first name. Except you," He pointed out with a small smile. "I think that in itself says that he likes you."

Alma looked up at Tiedoll, somewhat relieved yet somewhat abashed for missing what suddenly seemed like an obvious indicator. While Kanda had not initially wanted Alma to call him by his first name, he had begin to not even call Alma out on it, and started to just let him do it without any real complaint.

"I suppose you're right," Alma said, looking back at the crackling flames. "It's silly. I don't know why I'm even worried."

Tiedoll raised an eyebrow. "Did something actually happen between you two today?" He asked, wondering what might have caused such uncertainty within Alma.

Alma blinked as he looked back at Tiedoll. "Oh, well…it was snowing and I mean I thought it would be nice to go outside. But Yuu just got…I don't know. I think I made him angry or something," Alma explained, feeling even stupider after describing what happened. Maybe it wasn't that big of a deal after all. "I mean...maybe he just really does hate winter. He said he didn't like it, but he just had this _look._ "

Tiedoll could feel his own chest tighten as Alma spoke, as he knew quite well why Kanda would have reacted in such a manner. Of course, it wasn't Alma's fault, and Tiedoll was certain that Kanda was not actually angry with Alma. But Kanda's hatred for the winter ran deep – though Tiedoll would have to be wary of how he articulated this reasoning to Alma. There was only so much information Tiedoll could give, not wanting to divulge anything regarding the akuma. And besides, this was Kanda's own personal history he was discussing – and there was an element of privacy to that.

"Kanda definitely doesn't hate you, Alma," Tiedoll spoke, words quieter. "But the winter he _does_ hate."

Alma gave Tiedoll a questioning look. "But…why? I mean, some people don't like the cold or snow I guess…"

Tiedoll shook his head gently. "No, it's a bit different than that," He explained before adding, "And it's not entirely my place to tell. But for Kanda the winter is something that is destructive. It's not a pleasant time for him, and he's always struggled to deal with it in a way."

Now it was Alma who frowned, though his eyes held a bit of dejection. "Is that why he doesn't seem to want to let people in?" Alma asked, voice also quiet.

Tiedoll's lips upturned into a hint of a smile, though his eyes maintained a heaviness to them. "I imagine so," Tiedoll agreed. "I can tell you care about him though, and you're worried."

Alma's face blushed once more. Averting his gaze, the young man focused his attention on the flames once again. "I don't like seeing people hurt like that," He spoke, words barely audible.

The truth was, Alma was worried. And Alma didn't like seeing people in pain. Perhaps it was because he himself had spent so much time alone. Perhaps it was because he himself had been isolated for a time, suffering silently without anyone to actually reach out to. Alma had not been spared from the dark loneliness that people could fall into, and as a result was pained whenever faced with someone who may also be hurting. Maybe that was why Alma had gravitated to Kanda – maybe that was why Alma cared so much that he wanted to try to be _friends_ with Kanda despite the initial resistance made. Maybe that was why Alma tried, because as much as Kanda pushed him away in the beginning Alma just didn't like the idea of him being alone for some reason.

Tiedoll looked at the young man across from him thoughtfully. "Perhaps you should speak to Kanda about this," Tiedoll suggested. "I think he would open up to you possibly. And Kanda could really use someone like you in his life."

Alma looked surprised by this. For a moment, his eyes even looked hopeful. However, within a second they returned to self-conscious worry. "But…why would he? I mean I probably annoy him, and even though I like hanging out with him, I don't know if we even have that much in common…"

Tiedoll smiled softly. "Like I said, Kanda definitely likes you. Certainly more than most," He spoke with a small chuckle. "You're worrying yourself too much over today. As I said, it's the winter he hates."

"But why? Why does he hate it so much?" Alma found himself questioning, despite Tiedoll's earlier reservations about speaking in too much depth about Kanda's aversion to winter.

Sighing, Tiedoll's expression sobered. He thought for a few moments, not speaking a word until he finally decided on what to say. "Because the winter took away Kanda's family. And everything else." 

* * *

Kanda had been avoiding this. He would have liked to deny it, but even in his stubborn mind Kanda could not ignore the scalding resistance he had continued to feel. To simply _walk_ had required Kanda to use more force than necessary, as his feet had practically dragged through the gradually accumulating snow. His body yearned to turn around, and his mind told him to turn back. But his heart….something pulled him forward. Some _made_ Kanda move forward.

Or backwards. Forwards. Backwards. Which way would it be considered even? He walked forward, but to a place that did nothing but rip and tear at his core. A place that did nothing but bring back the most painful and lovely of memories that Kanda wanted nothing more than to lock away in some box and never re-open.

 _'But you should go. You owe them that much.'_

Kanda's eyes lingered on the grave marker. It was simple, and made of stone like most gravestones were. On it read the names of Kanda's parents, with the mere statement of "Loving Parents" underneath it.

Kanda inwardly cringed. Why was it so hard to look at that gravestone? Eyes downcast, the snowflakes clung to his hair, dampening his bangs and ponytail. His hands were kept in the pockets of his coat to keep warm, though by this point he was hardly paying the temperature outside any mind. _'Just take a few minutes. Pay your respects. Their bodies aren't even buried here.'_

The reminder had been an attempt to lessen the pain, though it did little to nothing for Kanda. If anything, it only sparked deep streak of anger knowing that the grave was actually _empty_. Following the "incident" the bodies had never been recovered, as they had been overtaken and destroyed under the power of the akuma. The grave was really nothing more of a mockery in a sense, and perhaps that was why it was so difficult for Kanda to face it.

It didn't help that it had been placed farther away from the other graves, and closer to where the lake ran past. Kanda knew this was more or less a standard way of memorializing the way someone died – except they hadn't just died by drowning or hypothermia. They had been destroyed by _akuma._

Hands still in his pockets, Kanda could feel his fists clench. _'Just spend a few minutes here, damn it….'_

"Yuu?"

Kanda stiffened, instantly recognizing the voice as Alma's. He inwardly cursed, and had to hold back from lashing out completely.

Instead, Kanda spoke through gritted teeth. "What the _hell_ do you want?"

The venom in Kanda's tone caused Alma to jump slightly, and for a moment there was fear in Alma's eyes. Not so much in that he was afraid of Kanda, but more afraid that he had made a mistake _coming_ to such a place.

Alma swallowed before answering. "Uh, sorry," He started, trying to think of the best (an also safest) way of wording an answer to Kanda's question. "Tiedoll…mentioned you may be here…"

Kanda turned sharply, dark blue eyes flashing. "And what? That made it okay for you to just show up here?" He snapped, clearly perturbed by Alma's unanticipated arrival.

Surprisingly, Alma frowned. "No," He countered, voice a bit stronger than normal, "I came to check on you because I was _worried._ "

Kanda snorted. "Please. You don't need to be worried about anything, so stop sticking yourself in other people's lives."

The words came out before Kanda could stop himself, and he felt a sudden tinge of…what, regret? _'No, I have nothing to regret. Alma had no place just coming here,'_ Kanda reasoned with himself. However, he just barely caught a glimpse of hurt in Alma's bright blue eyes before making himself turn away.

Kanda wasn't in the wrong. He had no reason to feel badly for snapping at Alma.

Yet he did.

There was a moment where neither Kanda or Alma spoke, and Kanda could hardly ignore the sudden tension that had arisen. Instead there was only the quiet sound of snowflakes lightly cascading through the wintry air, with their soundless kisses as they touched the earth.

It was Alma who finally spoke, voice quiet yet still audible through the wintry cold. "I'm sorry…about your parents," He offered, voice gentle.

Kanda remained stiff. "You don't need to apologize. I don't need anyone's damn pity," He responded, voice not as aggressive but harsh all the same. Gods, he didn't want pity for once – especially not from Alma. Especially not from some stupid gypsy boy who hardly took anything seriously. _'Why won't he just fucking leave?'_ Kanda wondered, still turned so he was not facing Alma.

Alma took a small breath. Though Kanda was not facing him, Alma kept his own gaze on the other young man. "I'm not giving you pity," Alma corrected, his voice carrying a different tone than normal.

He paused for a second, as though he were thinking of something. Then, before Kanda could intervene, Alma continued. "I don't know where my parents are. Don't know if they're alive. Dead. Whatever," Alma spoke softly. "So I can't say I know what it's like to lose them. I don't even remember them."

Kanda said nothing, frozen as Alma spoke. Alma often rambled, occasionally talking about the gypsies he had previously lived with – but when Kanda thought about it, Alma had never actually mentioned just _what_ happened to his real family. Or even his gypsy family, now that Kanda really thought about it. In all honesty, Kanda had imagined Alma had probably left home to do whatever.

Though now that Kanda thought about it, didn't gypsies and Romani people travel in _groups_?

Kanda made a motion to turn, but stopped as he heard Alma's voice once more.

"Twi and Edgar found me when I was just a toddler. They told me I was just wandering around Madrid. But they kind of took me in and were like my adopted family," Alma explained, with a small yet sad smile upon his face. "I only lived with them for a few years though."

Listening, Kanda turned slightly. His eyes looking back, he could see the sudden traces of what could only have been a sorrowful nostalgia. It was a shocking thing to see on Alma, as Kanda had only ever seen the boy with nothing but frivolous smiles and childish pouts. But now….now Kanda was seeing someone different.

Without intending to, Kanda found himself speaking. "What happened?"

Alma hesitated, as something flickered across his expression – something that Kanda strangely found himself _relating_ to. "Alma-"

Alma shook his head. "There was a bad snowstorm. I actually can't remember much of what happened. Something spooked the horses and there was just a lot of chaos. It's how I got this scar actually," He explained, as he pointed to the scar that stretched across the bridge of his nose.

Averting his gaze, Alma broke his eye contact with Kanda. "I think I must have blacked out or something. But…when I woke up everyone was gone," Alma continued, voice even quieter than before. "I…don't know what happened. Edgar. Twi. Even Bak and For – they just weren't there anymore."

Hearing Alma's story, Kanda instantly felt his blood run cold. _'No bodies found…'_ Kanda thought, slowing piecing things together in his mind. _'Snowstorm…'_

The next inquiry Kanda had to nearly force from his throat, though he had a feeling he already knew the answer. "How long ago?" He asked, voice barely above a whisper.

Blinking, Alma looked back at Kanda. He clearly had not expected being asked such a thing, but paused before answering. "Um, eleven years ago…I was just eight when it happened."

Kanda found himself frozen, with his normally hard expression painted with complete shock.

Alma had been in the same snowstorm Kanda was in. And most likely it were _akuma_ that had taken his family.

For once, Kanda genuinely felt as though he could empathize with someone.

Exhaling a breath he did not realize he had been holding, Kanda finally spoke, words uncharacteristically gentle in their nature. "I'm sorry," He spoke, the apology oddly heartfelt.

This time, it was Alma who appeared completely caught off guard. Truth be told Alma had not been sure what to expect with sharing such personal information of his own with Kanda – but any kind of condolences had not at all crossed his mind. Kanda was always so distant and closed off that Alma had…well, he would not have been surprised if he were brushed off once more.

Apparently, Alma was mistaken.

A tiny smile painted Alma's lips, and his eyes sparkled warmly. "It's okay," He spoke, "I just try to be like a lotus. I push through the mud and reach for the sun."

Sky blue eyes meeting indigo, Alma looked at Kanda inquisitively. "You like lotuses too, right? That's why you keep that pin with you?" He asked before laughing gently. "You could be a lotus too."

Stupid. It was such a stupid metaphor to Kanda, yet the words grazed his icy heart with a tenderness he had not felt in years. Like a bit of ice melting under a glimpse of spring light, Kanda could feel his protective shield fracture, with Alma's words unusually comforting.

Looking away, Kanda said nothing at first. His expression was thoughtful, as though he were truly thinking about Alma's words. Finally, he spoke, words soft. "Don't compare me to a damn flower."

Yet Kanda smiled as he said this, and Alma smiled back. 

* * *

**A/N:** I have no explanation for how there are soba noodles wherever it is the story is supposed to take place (ex. probably Northern Europe in Scandinavia somewhere. I'm being pretty fluid with the geography and time era, but we'll say it's definitely early than the nineteenth century as in DGM - possibly the late seventeenth or early eighteenth?). I'm asking for suspension of belief with this detail for the sake of domestic fluff.

Anyways, special thank you to everyone who has reviewed and messaged me about this story! For those of you who have stuck around this far, I know it's been moving a bit slowly. But I really wanted to get a good foundation for the relationship that Kanda and Alma have before things start to really pick up - which will be soon. As in the next two chapters. XD So there will be payoff soon! And hopefully some more Yuulma?

I also wanted to address that a few people have pointed out the canon parallels to me. Those are definitely intentional, and as things move on you'll see there are going to be a lot of parallels to the canon DGM arc. However, this is an AU and a crossover with The Snow Queen, and personally speaking my heart is still broken from the canon storyline with Alma and Kanda. That being said, I can assure you all it WILL be a different ending and outcome than what happened in the canon story. My heart can't handle that, and my babies are precious and I've already sworn to give them a much better ending in this story. So rest assured, while there will be some angst and drama, I promise to somehow make it better in the end for them. 3

Feel free to send me any questions or comments! Also, special kudos to anyone who knows what fairy tale I got the nettles from. I actually have messed with these in real life for herbal practices, but they're also featured in another prominent fairy tale for anyone who may be interested. ;)


	8. Spare Skates

**Lotus in the Snow (Snow Queen AU)**

 **Chapter Seven**  
 _Spare Skates_

Somehow December was trickling by quickly, with the snowfalls continuing to blanket the village in white and the air becoming a compound of flurries and frost. Anything that was not concealed by a thick layer of snow was more than likely iced over, such as the tree branches that dangled with diamond-like icicles, or the lake that had completely frozen solid as though it were made of crystal.

Alma thought everything looked beautiful; he had always thought that way about winter. Despite the cold, he found the pristine appearance of snow to be ethereal and otherworldly. He still preferred spring, of course – while winter was astounding in its own right, nothing could compare to the fresh, warm loveliness of spring. The scent of damp grass and fresh rainwater mixed with the rebirth of fragrant flowers always appealed to Alma. It uplifted his spirits, and was a time when he found himself to feel the most hopeful and inspired. He felt like a lotus, blossoming outward and reaching toward the sun.

Alma had heard there were lotuses that sometimes bloomed by the lake. Tiedoll had told him this when Alma first arrived at the village six months ago. However, because of when Alma arrived he had not been able to see them fully flowered, and was left to only imagine how lovely they must have looked. Sometimes Alma would actually go sit by the water, silently envisioning the lotuses under the sun, fragrant and sweet. Even there during the winter, Alma found himself periodically coming to the edge of the now frozen water, where he silently thought about how the lotuses were sleeping deep beneath the icy mud, and trapped under the glass surface of the lake until spring came.

For now, Alma was content with the ice though, and the rink it created. Since it had completely frozen he had more noticed people coming out from the village to ice skate together, laughing and enjoying themselves as though they were winter sprites. It looked to be a fun activity they were participating in, and having never ice skated Alma found himself wanting to try it.

He also found himself begging Kanda to go with him.

"Pleeeeease, Yuu!"

"Fucking _hell_ no."

"But it's no fun if I go by myself!"

"So ask Lala to go with you. You can go with her."

Alma pouted. "Lala _can't_ though," Alma explained as he leaned forward with his elbows on the table. He was once again back at Kanda's house, with large blue eyes that were practically _begging_ at Kanda to give into his request. "She's still been practicing her aria for the winter festival, so she's busy!"

Kanda paused from across the room. He was leaning with his back against the cabinets, having needed to cease any activity he was doing due to Alma's _pestering._ Shooting an exasperated look in Alma's direction, Kanda scowled fiercely. "Well _I'm_ busy!" He snapped back, as he crossed his arms over his chest. Kanda certainly didn't understand just what it was that had caused Alma to become so dead-set on ice skating, and even more so with attempting to drag Kanda along of all people. How many times did Kanda have to repeat himself in that he _didn't_ skate?

Scrunching up his face in annoyance, Alma was quick to counter Kanda. "Busy with _what_? Come onnnn. You could _at least_ take a break from whatever you're doing for an hour."

Marie, who was sitting beside Alma, smiled to himself. He had stopped by mainly to check in with Kanda, and had been mildly surprised to find Alma there with him. While Marie had not planned on staying for too long, he had quickly changed his mind, becoming both intrigued and amused by the way the two younger men were interacting. Although he was blind, Marie could hear the inflections in their voices and the small tremors – the emotions were as vivid as if he had his own two eyes back, and the "sight" before him was incredibly entertaining as a result.

Before Kanda could argue back, Marie chose this moment to step in. "You know, he has a point Kanda. One hour wouldn't ruin you," He commented before chuckling to himself.

Kanda pointedly ignored Marie, quickly searching for another excuse that he could use to counter Alma's ridiculous request. "Alma, you don't even own skates-"

"Yes, I do!"

Kanda stopped abruptly, staring at Alma with an open mouth. "What? When did you even _get_ them?"

Alma grinned as he answered. "Lala gave them to me! They were for helping repair her lyre."

Frowning, Kanda paused. "Well, _I_ don't have any. So you better start looking for someone else who does."

It was at this time Marie decided to chime in once more. His words were mellow and light, twinkling with a hint of amusement. "Tiedoll has an extra pair, Kanda. You could use those."

Sharply, Kanda turned to Marie, eyes flashing even though the man couldn't see. Kanda could just feel a vein throbbing in his head from Marie's completely unnecessary commentary. "No one _asked_ you, Marie," He responded through gritted teeth. Marie fought the urge to chuckle once more.

Alma was still looking at Kanda with a pleading gaze. His eyes were unusually puppy-like, and they were damn near pitiful for Kanda to look at. "Please at least _think_ about it?" Alma asked, his voice reminding Kanda very much of a whiney child.

Twitching, Kanda glared daggers at Alma. "Will you get off my back if I do?!"

Alma smiled innocently in response.

Listening to the two as they bickered back and forth, Marie remained silent. In the past few weeks since Kanda had returned, he had noticed the amount of which Alma and Kanda spent time together. Marie had not noticed from his own observations at first; Tiedoll had mentioned it to him one day, and the information had stuck with Marie. Periodically he would come by to visit Kanda or Tiedoll, and each time he had noticed that Alma and Kanda seemed to be found together more frequently. It was a bit peculiar, since in the past Kanda had been so distant and solitary. But the fact that Kanda seemed to be keeping some company around was soothing to Marie – it was just _healthy_.

And Marie thought that Alma would be good for Kanda. The man just couldn't remember the last time he had heard Kanda sound so… _light_.

"Alma, I swear I'm going to kick your _ass_ if you don't shut up soon."

 _'Spoke too soon,'_ Marie thought to himself. From what he had heard, the two had deviated away from the topic of ice-skating. The subject had then turned to Alma inquiring as to what Kanda was doing, though it appeared to have caused the young man some level of annoyance. Probably because every time Kanda answered Alma then threw another question back at him, thus causing an endless chain of questions and answers.

In response to Kanda, Alma stuck his tongue out before speaking. "I just asked _why_ you were making it, Yuu. No need to get so angry."

Kanda exhaled in a huff, but didn't say anything more. He had been crushing up some kind of herb combination in a mortar with a pestle earlier, and had just finished it before Alma began to attack him with ice-skating requests. "It's for Suman," Kanda murmured, still a bit irked from the previous conversation. Before Alma could ask any further though, Kanda took the crushed concoction and put it into a small bag, similar to the one Kanda had given Alma when they first met.

Glancing in Marie's direction, Kanda spoke. "I'll have to take this into town before it gets too late. You going back that way?"

Marie shook his head. "No, I'm actually stopping by to see Tiedoll after this. So I'll be going in the opposite direction."

Kanda nodded while Alma glanced his way. "I'll go with you if you want company, Yuu."

Kanda rolled his eyes. "I didn't say I wanted company. I only asked Marie if he was going back that way because he lives there."

Alma pushed back in his chair, and stood. "Yeah, well I think I'll go with you," He said decidedly before flashing a bright smile in Kanda's direction. "Wouldn't want you having to travel back in the dark by yourself."

"Tch," Kanda scoffed, though he didn't discourage Alma any further.

The trio soon divided, with Marie leaving first. Kanda and Alma soon left after, with Kanda locking the door as they exited his house. Kanda was silent as he did this, while Alma looked up to the sky. It was blanketed with thick clouds that made the sky appear to be the color of frosty steel. Kanda could have cared less about the sky, but he noticed that Alma was looking up with interest.

Sighing, Kanda brushed past Alma. "If you're going to tag along, stop staring at the sky already. It's not going anywhere."

Alma gave one last final glance at the sky. He didn't know what it was that had suddenly drawn his attention to look upward, but the strange desire had been there. Alma did not linger for too long though, only because he knew that Kanda was several paces ahead of him already, and wasn't about to stop walking.

Quickly, Alma caught up to Kanda. The snow softly crunched under their feet as they walked, the world around them covered in white. As they continued, Alma looked over at Kanda. There was a questioning looking look in his blue eyes before he turned to look forward as they walked on. Still, an inquiry escaped Alma. "So, is it for Jaime?"

Kanda looked over at Alma, seemingly a bit surprised by the observation. But he turned to look forward as he answered, still walking. "Yeah," Kanda answered. "She's been prone to falling ill easily ever since she was an infant."

Alma nodded, glancing sideways. "I kind of noticed…she seems to get sick often. Every time I go to visit it's something."

Another looked of surprise dell over Kanda, and this time he turned to look in Alma's direction. "I didn't realize you visited her that much."

Alma shrugged. "Aside from Tiedoll, Suman was one of the first people I really met here. So I met Jaime pretty early on. She's sweet," He said, before his face fell a bit. "I started visiting her more when I realized she got sick so much. It's not good for a kid to deal with that."

Kanda watched Alma's expression with interest. It was a rare sight not to see the gypsy with a stupidly foolish grin or some form of blissful merriment on his face, and Kanda immediately found he didn't like it. "Seesh. Don't get all depressed about it," Kanda commented gruffly, before holding out the small pouch he had brought with him. "This will help if anything."

Looking at Kanda, Alma grinned. "Aw, were you actually trying to comfort me just now?" He asked, voice teasing.

"Tch. No. I just didn't want to see that stupid expression on your face."

Alma's smile softened. Kanda could have denied it all he wanted, but Alma had begun to learn how to dissect the way Kanda handled things. And Alma had started to grasp that Kanda was the kind of person that wasn't going to comment on something unless it bothered him – either in an annoying way, or a concerning one. "Thanks, Yuu," Alma spoke, words genuine in their gratitude. His seemed to sparkle with playful mirth as he then added, "I appreciate you _not_ trying to comfort me."

"Whatever," Kanda waved off. However, there was a small upturn of his lips as he said this.

As they two neared the village, the wind began to pick up unexpectedly. It increased its speed quickly, causing both Kanda and Alma to pause briefly. Alma actually had to shield his eyes for a second, as some flurries had started to come down, whipping past them sharply.

Quickly recovering from the sudden gusts of wind, Kanda called above it to Alma. "Let's keep going. We're almost there."

Both young men quickened their pace, soon reaching where Suman lived. By the time they arrived they were both damp from the sudden snowfall, and the wind whipped about their hair and caused their clothing to feel icy. Kanda nearly had to pound on the door in order to be heard over the sudden howling of the wintry wind, with Alma right behind him. Within a moment, the door opened, with Suman in the entryway.

Seeing the state of the two young men, Suman quickly moved out of the way so they could come inside. "You two look like you've been to hell and back," He observed, shutting the door behind them.

Alma ran a hand through his hair, trying to shake out the icy moisture. "That wind came out of nowhere!"

Suman glanced at the two, before looking out the window to see the wind still raging with a thick veil of flurries. "Yeah. I saw it started to pick up not too long ago," He spoke before glancing back at Kanda and Alma. "You two should stay here for a bit at least until it dies down."

Kanda nodded, not about to disagree with Suman. He disliked winter enough as it was, and the thought of trekking back in the current weather conditions was immensely unfavorable. Kanda could not even begin to imagine how terrible it would be to go out into the unanticipated whirlwind of snow outside. "We didn't realize it would get that bad so quickly," Kanda muttered gruffly, slightly perturbed by the turn of events.

Before he did anything else, Kanda took the pouch form his pocket to hand to Suman. "Here. This is for Jamie."

Taking the pouch from Kanda, Suman returned a grateful look. A wave of relief seemed to pass over his face as well. "Thank you, Kanda. That cold, it just…" Suman trailed off, shaking his head.

Kanda said nothing at first, though he felt a small hint of sympathy. He had known Suman for his whole life essentially, so Kanda had been well aware for years that his daughter wasn't always in the best of health. She had been a weak baby at the time of her birth, frequently falling victim to fevers and other ailments. There had been times when there had been a scare with Jamie's condition, but for the most part there had always been some way to help her recover. Now Jamie was nine, and aside from a few periodic complications seemed to be doing decently enough.

"Well, here. You two can hang you jackets up there to dry a bit," Suman stated, motioning over to a coat hanger by the door.

Alma was quick to hang up his coat, eager to get out of the ice-cold garment. Kanda followed suit, hanging up his own coat and scarf.

Suman's home was warm, and toward the back Kanda could make out the faint crackling of a fire. Though the sound was a little distant, it was still soothing when compared to the screeching winds that Kanda had just experienced outside. When Kanda focused, he though he could hear someone moving in one of the back rooms, and just as he expected a woman with chestnut brown hair and warm, caramel brown eyes came out. She was attractive, with a few loose strands framing her face while the rest of her hair was pulled back into a messy bun. Kanda instantly recognized her as Suman's wife, Anna.

"Suman, is someone here?" She asked, entering the room.

"It's just Kanda and Alma," Suman responded, motioning to the other two young men.

Upon seeing them, Anna smiled warmly. "Hello," She greeted. Anna had a soft voice – the kind that had a naturally melodic quality to it. Her eyes flickered to their damp jackets hanging up before looking back to them. "Would you boys like some tea? I just made some," She offered.

"Sure!"

"No."

Both answers came simultaneously, with Alma's eager acceptance mixing in with Kanda's calm refusal. Kanda sent a mildly annoyed look in Alma's direction, though Alma didn't appear to notice.

Anna laughed gently. "Okay, I'll be right back," She said, before disappearing into the back where the kitchen was.

As soon as she was gone, Kanda took the moment to turn to Suman. "So how has Jamie been?" He asked, realizing he had not yet been able to inquire as to if anything else had been amiss with Jamie's health.

Suman ran a hand through his hair, and Kanda noticed he appeared to look a little tired. "She's…been alright. In the warmer seasons she doesn't seem to have that many problems, but whenever the colder months come that's when she tends to break into more fevers. She mostly coughs though."

Kanda nodded, before motioning to the pouch he had handed Suman. "If you boil those in some water, try having her breathe in the steam. It should help to clear up her breathing. Where's Jamie now?"

"She was in her room resting," Suman started, before a small cough could be heard from behind them. All three men turned, immediately spotting a small, brunette girl peaking around the corner.

"At least she _should_ be," Suman added, with his brown furrowed slightly. "Jamie, you should be in bed right now."

Quickly, Jamie darted over to where Alma was, and clung to his waist. "I wanted to say hi to Alma," She mumbled shyly.

Suman sighed. "Jamie," He started again, "At least don't hang on the poor guy like that when you've been sick."

Alma smiled brightly. "That's ok! I don't get sick that easily, so it's no big deal," He expressed, before looking down at Jamie. "And you've got a strong grip on you! That means you're getting better right?"

Kanda watched with a raised eyebrow at the exchange, and Suman seemed to notice. "Jamie's gotten pretty close to Alma since he first came here. I think she's gotten a little attached," Suman explained. "I swear – she's not even ten and she already is developing crushes."

Kanda thought he caught a hint of fatherly protectiveness in his tone, and had the sudden urge to smirk in amusement.

Anna returned with a tea tray, but stopped momentarily upon seeing Jamie. "Sweetie, I thought you were sleeping."

Jamie looked down slightly. She was still hovering next to Alma, who had knelt down beside her. "I couldn't sleep. The wind was keeping me up," She answered meekly before adding, "I thought it was the Snow Queen."

Hearing this, Kanda had raised a brow. He knew as a child that there were different stories told to children, sometimes to serve as lessons for warning or methods to prevent children from wandering out past bedtimes. However, he had never heard of a "Snow Queen" character. _'Huh. Must be something new…'_

Suman sighed in exasperation. "Jamie, we've been over this," He started, with a weary frustration that signified this wasn't the first time he was having this conversation. "That's just some rumor that got started."

Quickly, Jamie looked up with wide eyes. "But she isn't! She's the one that took those people!"

Immediately, Kanda could feel his attention being captured. His dark eyes locked onto Jamie, before flickering to Suman. "What's she talking about?" He asked. Kanda's voice was even as he posed his inquiry, but his insides lurched slightly. There was a subtle alarm that had gone off within him, causing his instincts to rile.

Suman looked back at Kanda wearily. "Last winter three people went missing in the next town over," Suman started, voice low, "Then someone started a rumor about there being a strange woman who took them. I swear, it was probably some crackpot."

Jamie looked genuinely worried. Alma, who was still beside her, noticed this. He placed a hand on the little girl's shoulder gently, before offering her a reassuring smile. "Aw, don't worry, Jamie. Your dad's probably right. Anyways, you've got me and Kanda around to protect you! And Kanda has that scary look he gives, so even if the Snow Queen is real he can just make her go away like that," Alma said, with a quick snap of the fingers.

Jamie giggled, seemingly feeling better at Alma's commentary. Usually, Kanda would have probably given a more irritable glare in response to being called out in such a manner, but his expression was pensive.

 _Three_ people went missing?

It wasn't unheard of for people to disappear. Accidents happened. Kidnappings happened. But the next town over was essentially like Kanda's village: it was small, and everyone knew everyone there. Crime was close to nonexistent, and everything for the most part was in a comfortable, stable flow. Obviously, nothing could be in perfect harmony forever – but for a person to go missing it was an unlikely occurrence. Unlikely, but explainable. Two people perhaps, but that was rare.

Three people was just unheard of.

The information didn't bode well with Kanda, nor did the fact that there had been a sighting of some "strange woman" who may have somehow been involved with these disappearances. Kanda's mind instantly flashed back to that one winter's night years ago, with the dark, horrifying haze of that inhuman monstrosity he had stared into. He was suddenly hyperaware, and realized he had left Mugen back home, the lightness of his weapon's absence causing him to feel a string of nausea. _'Fucking careless…'_

Suman seemed to have taken notice of Kanda's pensive look, and raised a brow. "What, you're not buying into that rumor, are you?"

Kanda scoffed. "Tch. No," He responded shortly, somehow managing to keep his expression composed. "But it's weird they went missing."

Anna took this moment to chime in, her tone a gentle scold. "Oh, you two stop it – you're going to scare Jamie again," She quietly admonished, so that Jamie couldn't hear.

Suman blinked, looking slightly sheepish, before countering in a low voice. "What? Jamie's not even paying attention anymore because Alma's distracting her," He indicated, while motioning to where Jamie was laughing at some funny story Alma seemed to be telling her.

A sigh escaped Anna. "You know the only reason she heard that story was because she overheard _you_ talking about it."

"I didn't know she was listening!"

Anna shook her head in mild exasperation. Then, before the conversation could continue on a dark route, Anna looked over at Jamie while speaking a little more clearly. "Alright, Jamie, you've said hi. Now you really _should_ be getting back to bed. And Kanda was nice enough to bring you some medicine, so make sure to thank him."

Jamie pouted slightly, before giving Alma a quick, final hug. "Bye, Alma," She said before then giving a quick wave to Kanda and a smile. "Bye, Kanda – thank you."

Kanda just nodded in response, and Anna took Jamie to the back to tuck her away.

The rest of the conversation began to deviate after that, though Kanda's mind was unable to erase the building trepidation he had started to feel. This caused him to be a bit more withdrawn, though if anyone noticed no one bothered to comment.

Soon, the weather outside began to calm down. The howl of the wind had quieted, causing the air to still and the tumultuous blasts of snow and ice to cease. Not wanting to miss an opportunity to travel back while the weather was semi-decent, Kanda and Alma decided to take their leave as they said a quick goodbye to Suman and Anna while donning their jackets. By the time they departed, outside was dark and the sky was an inky black. A few flurries continued to fall onto the pristine, white earth, but they were merely speckles of frost in comparison to the previous onslaught of snowflakes.

The air was quiet, and the world sounded as though it had fallen asleep. Kanda said nothing as he and Alma trekked back, with the only sound to be heard being the light crunch of snow beneath their feet.

In the darkness, Alma glanced at Kanda. His blue eyes were curious as he noticed the far-off look in Kanda's eyes, who continued to stare forward as though his mind were completely elsewhere. After a moment of observation, Alma finally broke the silence, his words lightly inquiring. "You okay, Yuu?"

The questioned seemed to stir Kanda from his thoughts. He turned to Alma sharply, with his expression appear caught off guard. But then Kanda turned back to face forward, and scoffed. "Why wouldn't I be?" He asked flatly.

Alma shrugged, as he glanced up at the sky before answering. "You just seem like you're somewhere else right now," He responded, before looking back at Kanda. "You've seemed that way ever since we were at Suman's."

Kanda didn't bother to comment. His body remained stiff and rigid, with the cold doing little to help ease his tension.

The silence did not seem to discourage Alma, as he had gotten used to Kanda sometimes neglecting answers. There was a small smile on his lips, as he then continued. "I didn't take you to be superstitious you know. I mean with that whole Snow Queen thing," Alma mentioned, his tone with a light, joking nature. "That _is_ what you're thinking about, isn't it?"

Surprise instantly flickered in Kanda's gaze, as he once more turned to Alma. He honestly hadn't anticipated that Alma would have noticed anything, especially since he had been so pre-occupied with entertaining Jamie while they were at Suman's. Kanda quickly realized that he had all but given himself away with his expression though, and turned abruptly. "I just think it's stupid is all. I don't actually believe stories like that."

A small laugh escaped Alma. "Mmhmm," He implied, though he didn't at all sound as though he didn't believe Kanda. "Well don't worry. I'll make sure to shove her into a stove so she melts if she comes after you then," Alma added in a playful tone.

Kanda rolled his eyes. He then took his hand, and firmly gave Alma a little shove on the shoulder. "Ugh. Just shut up, you idiot."

Another laugh, this time more vibrant. Alma's face appeared to flush slightly, partly from the cold and partly from his laughter. There was warmth to the sound though, and for a second Kanda forgot his previous trepidation. He noticed that his chest suddenly felt light as well.

Once Alma's laughter subsided, the air between them was quiet once more. They continued walking, with Alma ceasing his playful teasing and Kanda quenching his urge to shove Alma yet again. It wasn't until they walked a certain distance that Alma seemed to notice something, and turned to look at Kanda with an inquiring look. "Hey, Yuu? Isn't your house just over there?" He asked with slight bewilderment when he recognized that they were passing Kanda's house.

Kanda grunted. "Yeah. But I have to talk to Tiedoll about something," He answered somewhat gruffly.

Alma nodded, accepting the answer without question.

It wasn't long before they arrived to where Tiedoll lived, with the church just being ahead. Kanda noticed that Tiedoll's lights were still on, which was good in that it signified he was awake. He wasn't sure if Marie would have still been there, but Kanda wouldn't really care much if Marie was present for the conversation he was itching to initiate.

Stopping, Kanda turned, looking at Alma. "You'll be good heading the rest of the way back?" He asked, his words holding a stiff edge.

Alma blinked in surprise, not having anticipated such a question. "Um, yeah," He responded with slight surprise, not sure as to why Kanda had asked such a thing. Alma then smiled, with slight amusement in his eyes. "I mean the church is just over there."

Kanda nodded, and didn't say anything further.

With a small wave, Alma smiled brightly. "Well, I'll see you tomorrow!" He chirped, before starting off. Kanda didn't bother to wave back, though he did cast a final glance, watching Alma walk off toward the church.

Once Alma seemed close enough to the building, Kanda turned swiftly, heading straight to Tiedoll's. He was brisk in his walk, and his mind had already returned to the earlier conversation at Suman's. _'Three people disappear and someone reported a strange woman being seen…'_ Kanda recapped silently, feeling his mood darken. Given the location and the rarity of the situation, it sounded like something involving an akuma. The realization made Kanda uneasy, and he knew that until he found out more of the details he wouldn't be able to think about anything else for a while.

And if anyone knew anything, Tiedoll would.

Approaching the door, Kanda knocked a few times. There were a few seconds before someone could be heard moving on the other side, and the door opened. Tiedoll answered, with a slightly surprised look at seeing Kanda. "Oh, Kanda – I hadn't expected to see you this late."

"Do you have a minute?" Kanda asked, not bother to waste time on pleasantries.

Seeming to gage that Kanda wasn't there for casual talk, Tiedoll simply nodded. He moved out of the way so that Kanda could come in, and shut the door behind him. "What's this about then?" Tiedoll asked, with slight concern in his voice. "Is everything alright?"

Taking off his scarf and coat, Kanda looked around. "Is Marie still here?" He asked, before looking back at Tiedoll.

There was a small frown on Tiedoll's face. "Marie already left," He answered, before asking once more, "What's this about though?"

Kanda exhaled. He then looked over at Tiedoll, his blue eyes hard and piercing. The expression on Kanda's face was one that was weighed with a grave seriousness, and his lips were pressed into a tight line. Finally, he spoke. "Last winter three people went missing in the next town over," Kanda started, carefully watching Tiedoll's expression. "You know anything about that?"

Tiedoll seemed to stiffen at this for a second, before composing himself quickly. His usually warm eyes appeared to harden briefly before he gave an answer. "Are you asking if it was an akuma?" He inquired, although it sounded more like a statement.

Kanda frowned. "Was it?"

There was a pause, and Tiedoll sighed as he closed his eyes. "I don't know," He answered. "I never actually saw anything for myself. I only know what some of the townspeople there were saying."

Listening, Kanda crossed his arms. There was still a pensive frown on his face, but he wasn't about to discourage Tiedoll from continuing. "So," Kanda egged on, not enjoying the fact that he had been deprived of this information since coming back, "What were they saying?"

Tiedoll glanced at Kanda acutely before continuing. "Apparently, one of the people who disappeared had started to act abnormally the day before he vanished. He was a young blacksmith who had recently gotten married," Tiedoll explained. "His wife had noticed this, and she had gone to the man's brother to try to get help to figure out what was wrong. Evidently the blacksmith had started to act very hostile and aggressive without warning as though he had changed somehow."

There was another brief pause, but once more Kanda said nothing. Then, Tiedoll went on, "The blacksmith at one point had run off into the woods, and the wife and brother went after him. All three disappeared that day."

Kanda could feel his scowl deepen as he processed this. The tale was certainly odd, and not like anything he had really heard before. _'A man starts to get really hostile, and then two people disappear with him when they try to confront him? It's definitely strange,'_ He thought, not sure how to even take the situation anymore. Glancing up, Kanda looked back at Tiedoll, remembering Suman's words. "I heard someone saw a strange woman nearby who might have taken them," Kanda expressed, his words somewhat low. "Suman mentioned her. Said people were calling her the 'Snow Queen.'"

Tiedoll hesitated, though the name seemed to register with him. As Kanda looked at him expectantly, Tiedoll finally answered. "Yes, there was someone who claimed they saw a woman at the scene."

"And?"

"She vanished," Tiedoll said, before Kanda could interrupt further. "Without warning, the woman just vanished. The man who saw her described it as though she disappeared into the snowfall, hence why the people started calling her the Snow Queen."

Kanda was quiet, his gaze ruminative. "Did you or Marie check it out?"

"We did, and we couldn't find anything," Tiedoll said. "If she was an akuma, she was long gone by the time we made it there to ask around."

Kanda sighed, with vexation pouring from him. He brought his knuckle up to his mouth and pressed against it, his expression intensely contemplative. If the akuma was gone, then at least that was good – she would be away from the village. However, there was also the possibility that if this were an akuma that it could just as easily return at some point. The realization made Kanda jittery, and he was angry at himself for having been so placid in his activity recently. _'I've wasted too much time being here,'_ He realized, now knowing he had spent far too much time in the village.

Kanda was an exorcist. He didn't get breaks. He didn't get vacations. That wasn't a luxury he could afford, and yet for whatever reason he had very selfishly and stupidly taken it.

Tiedoll watched Kanda's expression quietly. He looked as though he wanted to say something, but waited a moment before doing such. "Kanda," He started, "There's something else you should know about."

Blue eyes flickering upward, Kanda looked at Tiedoll, waiting.

Seeing he had Kanda's attention, Tiedoll took a breath. "Last winter after the incident. Two men came to the village – one younger, one older. They knew about the akuma."

Kanda's eyes widened slightly. In all of Kanda's life, the only exorcist he had known to come to the village had been Marie. Aside from that, there was minimal activity with akuma or exorcists around.

Tiedoll didn't wait for Kanda to speak before elaborating. "They must have suspected the same thing you and I did, and came here after visiting the other town. They called themselves the Bookmen."

A questioning look appeared in Kanda's eyes, as he had never heard of the term before. "Bookmen?"

Tiedoll nodded. "They said they were currently looking for information on exorcists. Somehow they knew about my family. I don't know how."

Kanda raised a brow. "What, like documentation?" He asked, before furrowing his brow slightly. "I thought that was what your family did. Isn't it the same?"

Tiedoll shook his head. "No, not quite. While my family has been keeping track of the different exorcists we've come in contact with and their innocence, we have only been doing such for the past several generations. So our information is fragmented," He explained, before adding, "There is still much we don't know. But the Bookmen are different – they are shrewd, and were careful in the information they revealed about themselves. I was able to gather they must have been around for a long time though."

Leaning against the wall, Kanda crossed his arms. Bookmen. Snow Queen. Everything was hitting him far too quickly. "So…why information on exorcists?"

"They're currently in league with a group that has been forming during the past few decades. I was not aware of this until the Bookmen informed me, but apparently over the past few years there has been a spike in akuma activity. This group that has formed is one of exorcists."

Hearing this, Kanda's eyes widened. There was clear shock on his face as he struggled to process the information.

A group of _exorcists?_

"As in a centralized group?" Kanda asked, before receiving a brief nod from Tiedoll.

Eyes flashing, Kanda shot a fierce glare in the other man's direction. "And you're just telling me this _now?_ " He snapped, feeling a ferocious anger flare up within him. Kanda had been in the village nearly a _month_ – so why hadn't Tiedoll said anything sooner? The fact that Tiedoll has still withheld information from Kanda after all this time caused the young man's blood to boil, his bitterness flaring. "Why didn't you tell me sooner!?"

As he heard Kanda's tone, Tiedoll's eyes hardened. There was a stern look on his face as he immediately countered the accusatory inquiry. "Kanda, you _just_ returned after disappearing for nearly a year in a half. You looked as though you hadn't slept in days and you hardly looked as though you'd been taking care of yourself," Tiedoll inputted, his words disapproving and austere. "I wasn't about to divulge such information to you when you likely would have used it as an excuse to run off again before you could at least _somewhat_ recover."

Kanda tensed, instantly going on the defensive. "There was _nothing_ for me to recover from!" He argued. "You should have told me as soon as I got here so I wouldn't have wasted so much time here!"

Tiedoll stopped for a moment, and stared at Kanda. There was a disquieted look in his eyes as he seemed to gather himself, frowning slightly. "Is that really how you view this all?"

Scowling, Kanda's eyes remained piercing and resentful. "Yeah," He answered, "It is." 

* * *

Alma had only been at the church for a little bit when he found a familiar notebook with different sermons written down in it. He had quickly recognized it as Tiedoll's, and recalled how the priest usually kept the notebook with him at all times in order to record ideas and keep track of things. Alma had come across it when doing a quick run over of the nave upon returning, finding the book forgotten at the altar. _'He must have left it without realizing,'_ Alma thought upon finding it.

Alma glanced at the clock that hung in the hallway. It still wasn't too late, despite it already being dark outside, and he knew Tiedoll would still be awake since Kanda had just gone to talk to him. Alma wasn't sure what Kanda had needed to talk to Tiedoll about – but since they had just parted not too long ago there would probably be a chance of Kanda still being at Tiedoll's as well.

 _'I guess I could just take it back,'_ Alma thought with a shrug, figuring he might as well. It would save Tiedoll the trouble if he happened to need it, and it was a quick walk anyhow.

Throwing back on his jacket, Alma went outside, the cold winter air greeting him. As he walked in the direction of where Tiedoll's house was, he was able to make out the lights that were still on, indicating Tiedoll was still up and about. Briefly, Alma's mind flickered to Kanda. _Would_ Kanda still be there? For some reason, Alma felt a tinge of hope that he would be, despite having just seen Kanda a little bit ago.

Alma liked Kanda though. He liked spending _time_ with Kanda. He wasn't sure at what point the attachment had started to manifest itself so deeply, but within the past few weeks there had become a routine Alma had developed of actively visiting with Kanda. Everything had just started to feel normal with him – even the way Kanda could sometimes be abrasive felt normal. It was as though Kanda had his own way of communicating, and Alma was finally beginning to really understand it. And it made Alma feel good. He wasn't sure _why_ , but it did.

As Alma approached Tiedoll's house, he could faintly hear voices from inside. He quickly recognized one as Kanda's – and the other's he could tell belong to Tiedoll. Alma hesitated before approaching further – were their voices raised?

Frowning, Alma went to the front door. He contemplated knocking, but was suddenly unsure of whether he should turn back. From what Alma could hear, the conversation was heated.

Alma was about to turn, when he stopped suddenly, as he heard someone say his name.

Was someone talking about him?

Alma didn't move. He knew eavesdropping was bad. It was invasive, and impolite – but if he was being brought into the discussion, Alma found that his curiosity was burning, egging him on to find out just _what_ was beings said.

Taking a breath, Alma pressed his ear against the door, and listened. 

* * *

"Well what about Alma?"

The questioned was sudden, and Kanda bristled. "What _about_ Alma?" Kanda questioned, the irritation pouring through his voice. Why the hell was Tiedoll even bringing Alma into this? It wasn't like Alma was a factor or anything.

Tiedoll frowned disapprovingly. "You two have gotten close, haven't you? Are you saying _that_ was a waste?"

Kanda wasn't sure why, but the accusation caused his emotions to rile like a spur of tumultuous flames. " _What_? That's not even relevant to this conversation!"

Surprisingly, Tiedoll didn't back down from the argument. He shook his head. "Kanda, you're here saying everything has essentially been a waste since you came back, and now you're saying you want to just up and _leave_? Heavens, how can you be so selfish!?"

Kanda's eyes flashed. "No, being selfish is staying here and doing _nothing._ I should have left right away like I planned," He countered, his words heated and scorching.

Exasperated, Tiedoll ran a hand through his hair. The argument has escalated much father than he had ever anticipated, but they were both in too deeply now to simply walk away from it. "Kanda," Tiedoll started, struggling to compose himself, "I _know_ your intentions are good. I do – but you _can't_ just leave like this. Not like what you did last time."

Tiedoll paused, and looked intently at the volatile young man before him. "You have a life here. You have something you can actually _do_ here – you don't have to dedicate yourself to something that is ultimately going to put you in danger when you could have a life here with people who _care_ about you."

Kanda's fists clenched as he looked away. He didn't know how Tiedoll could say those words – he didn't know how Tiedoll could stand there and _encourage_ him to try to refrain from returning to exorcism. So what if Tiedoll was worried about how Kanda's innocence may act? That was a risk _every_ exorcist had to take, and Kanda was no exception.

Stiffly, Kanda spoke. His words were harsh and unfeeling. "I'm leaving _tonight_ ," He said, before he looked at Tiedoll, with a cold resolve in his eyes. "So _stop_ trying to convince me otherwise – especially when there is _nothing_ for me here!"

The room fell silent.

Kanda took a breath. His body felt hot. His face felt hot. His blood was practically pounding in his ears from the sheer adrenaline of his anger. In all honesty, Kanda had not realized how venomous he felt until that moment when he raised his voice at Tiedoll, who was looking at Kanda with…what, was it disappointment? Kanda couldn't tell.

There was a moment where neither spoke, but the tension in the room remained thick. After a few lengthy seconds, Tiedoll spoke though, his words level but with a rigidness to them. "Are you at least going to say bye to Alma?" He asked, once again confusing Kanda. There was a notable amount of frustration in Tiedoll's voice. "Honestly, don't tell me you're considering just disappearing on _him._ "

Kanda's jaw clenched. He didn't know _what_ Tiedoll was getting at, but he was really starting to get tired of it, and all but snapped on the man. "I don't know _why_ you keep finding it necessary to bring him up – it's not important. _He's_ not important – he's just some gypsy kid who's been hanging around lately-"

" _Kanda!"_

Ignore Tiedoll, Kanda continued. "I'm _leaving_. And I'm not going to stay because you're worried about me hurting some stupid gypsy's feelings, so just drop it already!" 

* * *

Alma was leaning with his back against the door. He had to lean back – standing suddenly felt difficult, and it felt as though his chest was suddenly being weighed down with lead. His body seemed to be shaking – or was that just him shivering from the cold? Alma didn't know. He didn't even know what all the conversation had been about. But he knew enough to comprehend that he had obviously misinterpreted whatever connection he thought he had with Kanda.

 _'Just some gypsy kid…'_

The air was cold, and it felt thin. Alma was struggling to breathe, and his legs felt unusually weak. The notebook he was clutching in his hand now seemed unimportant.

 _'Just…some…'_

Alma shook his head, and willed himself to move. Quickly, he kicked the snow around, hiding his footprints so it wasn't noticeable that he had been there. He stumbled slightly, barely catching himself as he did this and cursed; why wasn't anything going right it seemed?

Once the footprints were covered, Alma gave one final glance at the door. The voices were still going, but Alma didn't want to hear anymore. He had heard enough already.

Before anyone could find him, he quickly turned and left the house. 

* * *

The room was unbearably tense, and Kanda thought he was about to lose his mind. He hadn't ever had a fight like this with Tiedoll – not in a long time, if ever.

Tiedoll was standing across from him. The man looked worn, but wore an expression of exasperated ire. His arms were crossed, and he looked particularly aged in that moment.

Neither of them said anything for a moment, as both had seemingly come to a standstill. Ultimately, it was Tiedoll who broke the silence. "Kanda," He started, his volume lower than it had been just moments prior, "I won't stop you from going."

Kanda was averting his gaze by this point, his expression indignant. Tiedoll merely shook his head at the childish display.

"You can act that way all you want. I was only trying to help," Tiedoll added, his words clipped in their sound. He kept his eyes on Kanda though, never once looking away. "Is there anything you'd _like_ me to tell Alma when he finds out you're gone?"

Still avoidant, Kanda refrained from answering at first. His jaw was clenched, and his eyes blazing. "No," He finally answered, his words brusque.

Tiedoll nodded. "Very well then."

Tiedoll made a move to leave. On a whim, Kanda stopped him. "Hey," Kanda started, before stopping short, as though he were hesitating.

Tiedoll stopped, glancing in Kanda's direction, though he said nothing.

Kanda paused, then took a breath. "Those spare ice skates you had. You still got them?"

Hearing this, Tiedoll raised a brow, not sure just why Kanda was asking about _ice skates_. With a bewildered expression, Tiedoll answered uncertainly. "Yes, why?"

Kanda glanced in Tiedoll's direction before looking away quickly. "I need to borrow them," He replied shortly. "You mind?"

The confusion in Tiedoll's eyes remained. How had an argument about leaving to destroy akuma turned into a question of ice skates? With a slight shrug of the shoulders, Tiedoll found he was honestly too drained of energy to ask about it though, and simply responded, "Not at all. Though it's nice of you to ask seeing as how you don't normally need my permission for anything. They're in the coat closet hanging up."

Kanda winced. The tone Tiedoll used was cooler than one he had ever received before, and Kanda swallowed, ignoring the bile of guilt that seemed to be collecting in the back of his throat. "Thanks," He spoke, though he had to force the word out.

Tiedoll had already gone to the back of the house, leaving Kanda in the front near the entrance. Wordlessly, he went to the closet and grabbed the spare skates before leaving, shutting the door behind him and not once noticing the concealed footprints that had been outside the front door. 

* * *

**A/N:** Oh. My. God. This. Took. Forever. I really don't even have an excuse aside from that I've just been burnt out with this job I'm working (HALPPPPPPPP I NEED TO FIND A NEW ONE BUT ADULTING). I sort of hit this really rough place mentally throughout all of April though, and hadn't been as inspired. Any other writers dealing with that? I mean, this story is still something I plan to finish, but I think I needed a small hiatus to get my stuff together. XD I am sorry to the few of you who have been reading and patiently waiting for an update though, so hopefully you can forgive me! ^^

And since it's been so long, I've actually got the next chapter written - so I'll be updating that as soon as I finish this (kind of long) note! :D

Anyways, finally - FINALLY more is starting to happen, and I'm getting into more of the Snow Queen parallels in this chapter. We've also gotten our first hint about the actual Snow Queen character, who took me a while to figure out. They're only hinted at in this chapter, but they should be making an appearance pretty soon. (By the way, if you're reading this fic and haven't actually read The Snow Queen, that is COMPLETELY okay! You don't need to read it to follow the rest of this story, but for those of you who have I hope the parallels come through, and that it's an enjoyable aspect.)

I'm finally to where Alma and Kanda's relationship are finally getting some more solid development. No actual Yuulma things yet, buuuuut soon. Since they didn't know each other as children it wouldn't have worked for them to click and meld right away, and especially on Kanda's end.

Speaking of Kanda, the argument he has with Tiedoll at the end was NOT something I ever planned writing. An argument never even crossed my mind. But it just _happened_? I was writing and out of nowhere and it sort of exploded into existence. Kanda and Tiedoll have a bit of a tense relationship in this AU though, and a lot of that deals with their backstories. Tiedoll's relationship with Kanda's father in this AU will definitely be a factor (which is interesting to get into, because Kanda doesn't have parents in canon - so I had to think about what kind of parents he _would_ have).

By the way, looks like the Bookmen are involved somehow? Maybe we'll be seeing a familiar redhead soon. ;D

Thanks for those of you that have stuck around still. Please leave any feedback you have, because it really would be helpful for future writing!


	9. Pierced

**Lotus in the Snow (Snow Queen AU)**

 **Chapter Eight**  
 _Pierced_

The next morning Kanda woke up with a raging headache. There was a prominent throbbing within his scalp, and before he was even fully conscious he had the compulsion to break something. _'What the hell even…'_

It took him a while to recall just where he was and what was going on. At first, he had no idea between the aching in his head and the clenching sensation he kept feeling in his chest (his _heart_ , Kanda gradually realized). But then, he slowly began to remember the previous night's events: going to Suman's, the missing people, the very heated argument with _Tiedoll_ of all people…

Damn. That was right. Kanda had fought with Tiedoll.

The realization left a twisted, sinking feeling in Kanda's gut. He and Tiedoll had their differences of opinions of a variety of matters, but usually aside from some tense disagreements things never escalated. Last night had been different though – last night there had been raised voices and bitter accusations, with years of pent up resentment that Kanda had long sing harbored over certain issues coming to a head. The anger Kanda had felt for so long over the way in which Tiedoll had always tried to shield him from the truth of his father, and the rage he felt at himself for having taken the last _month_ to just do nothing and his obsessive vendetta against the akuma had all come out in the worst way possible.

It had all been a complete disaster.

Kanda glanced up at the ceiling. He was in his bed back at his house; he had come here after leaving Tiedoll's. He had come back, and within moments passed out from the sheer mental exhaustion of the events that had just transpired, despite his vocalized resolve to leave immediately. Kanda's head was still spinning from all the information he had unexpectedly acquired from Suman and Tiedoll, and he was struggling to process any of it considering he was not even fully awake yet.

Forcing himself to move, Kanda sat up, immediately having to rest his head in his hand. God, why did he feel so _drained_?

 _'Because you're a fucking mess. That's why,'_ A voice seemed to tell him, bitter and resentful.

Glancing at the window, Kanda could see daylight pouring in. He wasn't sure what time it was – was it still early? There was an old clock in the hallway that still worked, but Kanda found it particularly difficult to get out of bed.

Shaking his head, Kanda kicked the covers off before swinging his feet onto the cold, wooden floor. He took out his hair tie, which had become tangled into his ponytail as he slept. Quickly, he ran his fingers through his hair, re-tying it. Once that was taken care of, he threw a fresh change of clothing on, and walked out into the hall. His blue eyes immediately landed on the old clock that still hung outside his room, of which read the time as being already past noon.

Kanda cursed to himself. How had he even slept in that late?

Not wanting to waste anymore time, Kanda walked to the living room near where there was a closet toward the main entryway. Reaching into the very back, Kanda pulled out the all too familiar sword he had taken ownership of so many years ago, sheathed and hidden away like a neglected relic. Taking it, Kanda grabbed his coat before heading to the kitchen where he intended to leave through the back. He hesitated when passing the table, as he noticed a pair of spare ice skates hanging off the back of one of the chairs. Kanda vaguely remembered getting them from Tiedoll on a whim.

He looked at them for a minute, and then briskly walked outside, shutting the door behind him.

Outside, everything was still. The air was quiet and the world felt dead. Everything to Kanda appeared washed out and colorless, lacking the life and vibrancy of warm summer and endless spring. The sky had not been blue in days now, and like the past several remained a smoky gray that looked bland and dull despite the faint, white glow of the sun attempting to shine through. Even the bark of the sleeping trees appeared to have a silvery-gray tinge to them, with the color dark and cold. But the world was a cold place. It was a dark place, and it one again felt hard to breathe.

Kanda didn't go around to the main path in the front. Instead, he walked into the back behind his house, where the edge of the trees stretched into a deep and tangled wood. He had come back to this place often in the past few years, usually to get away from the world and hide from prying eyes and nosey questions. It was a sanctuary away from sanctuaries, and a refuge from the demands of village life. It was temporary, but it was his.

Once he was far enough back that he was completely within the woods, Kanda briefly rested Mugen against a tree before shrugging off his coat. The air was bitingly cold and horrendous, yet it did well to complete awaken Kanda and keep his senses alert. Pulling out a blindfold, he tied it around his eyes, entirely obstructing his vision as though he were blind. Kanda then picked up Mugen, unsheathing the sword as he suddenly began to move into a rhythmic pattern of swings and blows.

It had been a while since Kanda had trained. He had not been active in practicing, despite the fact that before returning to the village he had done so on a regular basis. Kanda could immediately feel the mild strain in certain muscles, which drove him to push himself harder. He couldn't afford to be rusty.

With the blindfold on, Kanda found his other senses seemed to kick in more. He could hear the faintest rustle of a twig or feel a vibration of a footstep. It had taken a while to get his observational skills to be that intensive, but after years of adopting this technique Kanda had found it useful. The inspiration had of course come from Marie.

Kanda continued this training for a bit longer, working every muscle in his body. His movements were swift, and aggressive, with the agitation from the prior night spilling into his actions. Even in this sanctuary away from the world, Kanda could not escape the memories of the night before, and the knowledge he had obtained.

 _'An order of exorcists…'_

Kanda hated that Tiedoll hadn't told him. He hated that Tiedoll had kept information from him _again_.

Why? Why did Tiedoll think he had to protect Kanda? _'I'm not even his son. He doesn't_ have _to protect me,'_ Kanda thought, his hostile resentment pouring through.

And why had Tiedoll mentioned _Alma_? Kanda gritted his teeth at the memory, as Tiedoll's words seemed to echo in Kanda's head. _"What about Alma? Are you at least going to say bye to Alma?"_

There was an unexpected pang in Kanda's chest, and he swung, slicing off the branch of a nearby tree. It cracked as it fell down, the icicles that hung off it shattering into the snow like broken glass.

Collapsing, Kanda fell to his knees. His breathing was heavy, and his arms were sore. How long had he been practicing for now? He hadn't been keeping track, and like a reckless fool Kanda had simply lost himself in the activity, becoming nothing but an angry body acting off raw senses and impulses. Feeling an overwhelming sense of frustration, Kanda ripped the blindfold off haphazardly. His eyes blinked into focus and he stared at the area around him, noticing the ravaged echo of his footprints and broken tree branch before him. Several icy fragments remained clinging to the branch, twinkling like injured stars.

Kanda hated it, just as he hated everything about winter.

 _'Alma likes it though. The stupid idiot,'_ Kanda thought suddenly. His mind danced back to Alma, like a moth unable to break its trance from a vibrant flame. Alma's smile flickered in Kanda's memory.

 _"We should go outside!"_

 _"It's the first snowfall. Don't you want to experience it first hand?"_

 _"Come ice skating with me, Yuu!"_

 _"Please at least think about it?"_

Stiffly, Kanda planted Mugen's blade into the frozen earth. It was as though no matter what he did, he couldn't get _Alma_ out of his head. When had Kanda even become this fixated on the dumb kid? It wasn't like Alma was anyone _special_. Kanda hadn't even known him that long.

He tightened his grip on Mugen's handle, so much that his wrist trembled. _'I can't…I can't afford to…'_

Kanda couldn't even finish his thought. 

* * *

Tiedoll had been up a while. It had been difficult to sleep following the whole argument he and Kanda had; the memory was sour, and more than anything Tiedoll wished he could take back the whole experience.

He truthfully was not sure _when_ he had planned to tell Kanda about the events of the past winter. It had certainly been in the back of Tiedoll's mind, itching and scratching ominously. He had realized Kanda would have inevitably found out sooner or later – Tiedoll just desperately wished it had been _later_ more than anything. Kanda could be an incredibly rash person at times, and Tiedoll had known that once Kanda learned of there being a centralized order of exorcists that he would immediately seek them out. It wouldn't have mattered if Kanda had learned about this and the strange incident last winter the night he had arrived back in the village – Kanda would have immediately left, regardless of his physical health or well being.

Frustrated, Tiedoll shook his head. He knew it was ultimately Kanda's decision regarding what he chose to do with his life. Kanda was young, but he was technically no longer a child – and he certainly wasn't Tiedoll's child. Sometimes it was hard for Tiedoll to remember such. _'If only his father were still here…'_

With raising Kanda, Tiedoll had often found himself wishing Izo was still around. They had been close for years, and Tiedoll could still remember when he had first met Kanda's father. It had been years ago when Tiedoll was just a young man, having recently synchronized with Maker of Eden. At the time he had been tracking an akuma that was wreaking havoc on a small town a few day's journey east of the village. Tiedoll had been alone, and when faced with the akuma he had nearly gotten himself killed in his youthful inexperience. However, another exorcist had unexpectedly intervened: a strange man who looked as though he had come from the far east, with long jet-black hair pulled back and odd attire that Tiedoll had never seen before. The man had been incredibly skilled in swordsmanship, with his handling of his innocence – of _Mugen_ – surpassing Tiedoll's own skills with ease.

Izo had saved Tiedoll's life that day, but not without severely injuring himself in the process.

 _They were currently in a vacant barn, with the strange man sitting against the wall and Tiedoll sitting across from him. The dark-haired man clutched at his left arm, his eyes shut but his jaw clenched. From what Tiedoll could see, the arm was bent at an odd angle._

 _During the fight, the stranger had been very viciously thrown back, landing sideways on his arm just before he could finally destroy the akuma. It had only been with sheer luck that he had injured the left arm, as opposed to his dominant right. At the time, it had almost seemed like nothing was even wrong with his arm given how quickly the man had gotten back on his feet, with Mugen raging in his grasp. However, as soon as the final blow had been landed on the akuma, the man had all but collapsed from exhaustion._

 _Tiedoll had been quick to assist the strange exorcist, although the man at first tried to refuse. But, Tiedoll was finally able to get him into a form of shelter where they could be without any disturbances._

 _Tiedoll looked at the man through his slightly bent glasses, which had been damaged during the fight. He would have to get them replaced probably. Tiedoll's attention was more on the exorcist before him though, who appeared to be in immense pain. "We should find you a doctor, or at least a healer of some kind," Tiedoll suggested._

 _The man opened his eyes; they were a piercing indigo that reminded Tiedoll of a frozen ocean. "Tch," The man scoffed, "I'll be fine. It's nothing to worry about."_

 _In response, Tiedoll frowned. "Nonsense! You're clinging to that arm like it's about to fall off – if it's not tended to properly you won't be able to defend yourself."_

 _Head whipping up, the man's eyes flashed. He looked as though he were about to argue, but then logic seemed to sink in, as he realized Tiedoll had a point. Begrudgingly, the man exhaled. "Fine."_

 _Standing, Tiedoll walked over to the other exorcist where he proceeded to help him up. The man seemed to stiffen a bit, but ultimately allowed Tiedoll to be of assistance. "Can you walk alright?" Tiedoll asked, with concern in his voice._

 _The man answered him with an annoyed look, and Tiedoll laughed despite the situation. "Easy there – I was just checking."_

 _Although the man never outright admitted it, he did need some help walking. He was worn completely, and his balance was off kilter; Tiedoll ended up allowing the man to lean on his shoulder as they began their trek to the town. The fight had taken place on the outskirts in the woods, so the walk was fortunately not too long, and Tiedoll soon was able to locate a local herbalist who was supposedly skilled in her craft at healing._

 _The house where the healer was located was small, but there had been a beautiful garden out front. The smell of different herbs and fragrances filled the air, and Tiedoll felt a sense of serenity as he and the other exorcist approached the house. Tiedoll also found himself falling victim to the desire to draw the scene, which was picturesque and lovely to behold. Perhaps he could come out while the exorcist currently leaning upon him was being taken care of._

 _When they knocked on the door, a young woman answered. She was pretty, with a natural beauty that did not need any excessive ornamentation. Her hair was a dark brown that was almost black, but not quite; it reminded Tiedoll of ebony wood, and her eyes were a pale blue the color of a spring raindrop. Her eyes widened upon seeing the two men, and she turned, calling back into the house. "Grandmother!"_

 _Quickly, an older woman came out. Once she saw the two men she immediately ushered them in, with the younger girl helping. Inside the house, Tiedoll saw that there were shelves containing bottles and bags of what looked to be different herbs or concoctions, though he recognized none of them._

 _"Here," The older woman instructed, as he indicated for the injured exorcist to sit down on a bed near the back of the central room. She was quick in looking at the arm, before expressing she would be right back. Before disappearing, she looked to the younger woman, and gave her a set of instructions. The young woman nodded in understanding._

 _Tiedoll stood against the wall, not wishing to get in the way. He watched as the other exorcist sat on the bed uncomfortably; the man clearly did not enjoy being taken care of, which was only emphasized by how he silently squirmed whenever the young woman tried to help him. "I just need to take off that coat, alright?" She asked, her voice sweet and gentle._

 _The man glanced at her, before exhaling in annoyance._

 _"Come on," The woman pressed, her voice still gentle but firm._

 _Watching, Tiedoll intervened as he looked at the other exorcist.. "Oh, let her look at your arm – she can't help you if you won't budge."_

 _Tiedoll was answered with a frigid glare, but the man finally complied, and the woman offered Tiedoll a grateful look._

 _After a moment of looking, the young woman finally looked up. There was a small frown on her face as she sighed. "Well, you broke your arm it looks like, and with how you were limping you may have done something to your leg as well. You're probably going to need to reduce your physical activity for a little while."_

 _A look of aggravation washed over the dark-haired man's expression, and he groaned in irritation. "Ugh. Just great," He grumbled sarcastically as he looked away._

 _The woman smiled comfortingly. "It's not so bad – it'll heal," She reassured. "And until your leg is good to walk you can just stay here with me and my grandmother."_

 _Looking back to Tiedoll, the woman then kindly added, "We also have spare beds in the back, so you can stay as well if you need a place."_

 _Tiedoll smiled, thankful for the offer. "Yes, that would be lovely," He expressed, feeling a wave of relief with the knowledge that he wouldn't have to find shelter for himself last minute. While Tiedoll had not been injured as the other exorcist had, he was definitely exhausted, and the usage of his innocence had worn him greatly._

 _Still with his back against the wall, Tiedoll looked at the young woman. "You called that woman your grandmother," He noted, "Is this a family practice?"_

 _The young woman nodded. "It is. My grandmother is still teaching me though," She said before looked between the two men, "I'm sorry – I don't think I caught your names…?"_

 _"Ah! Froi Tiedoll," Tiedoll answered, before glancing at the other exorcist with a raised brow. "Actually, you didn't tell me your name either-"_

 _The other exorcist glanced over at Tiedoll before sighing. "It's Izo," He responded gruffly._

 _Tiedoll nodded, before looking back at young woman questioningly. "And what should we call you?"_

 _The young woman blinked, before seeming to realize she had yet to give her name. Collecting herself, she smiled, with her blue eyes bright. "Lien."_

* * *

_It was a strange thing to see Izo in a domestic role. The man was still quiet and at times rigid; it would always be a part of his somewhat abrasive personality. Tiedoll supposed to an extent it was necessary when people so heavily dedicated themselves to a life of exorcism. While Tiedoll had always had more of an artistic sensitivity, even he knew how much of a risk unchecked emotions were._

 _Six years had passed since Tiedoll had met Izo. During that time, an expected friendship had formed between the two exorcists; additionally, there had been an unanticipated flurry of emotions that developed between Izo and the healer girl, Lien, as well._

 _Now, Tiedoll was sitting in the grass with his sketchbook, drawing the lovely spring scenery before him. Next to him stood Izo, who was silently leaning back against a tree with his arms crossed over his chest, his face neutral and eyes focused on Lien, who was a little bit away. She was holding a small toddler with both of her hands, helping the tiny boy to stand._

 _"There you go, sweetie! Now you're standing tall like a little flower!" Lien encouraged lovingly, as she laughed._

 _Ears perking, Tiedoll looked over to where Lien and her child were. He rested his chin on his hand thoughtfully. "You know, I think he really kind of favors you," Tiedoll commented, before glancing at Izo with an amused smile. "Yuu's not even one but he already has that focused expression down."_

 _Tiedoll's words rang true, even in that moment. From where he sat Tiedoll could see the intense look of focus the toddler had as he attempted to keep his balance._

 _"Hn," Izo grunted, though his own gaze flickered back to Lien and his son. In a rare moment, his expression was soft and his eyes filled with tender affection. He did not speak at first, but after a moment a string of words spilled out, strangely soft and almost weary._

 _"I never want him to know the word akuma," Izo whispered, his eyes still lingering on what was now his family._

 _Tiedoll's eyes flickered to Izo, his expression for a second becoming one that was somber. But quickly, Tiedoll washed it away and smiled gently as he glanced back to where Lien was still laughing at something with Yuu._

 _"We'll keep them safe," Tiedoll reassured, his words at attempt to console whatever fears may Izo had._

 _An audible sigh could be heard from Izo. "I hope," He added._

 _His words were so quiet that Tiedoll almost had not even heard them._

Tiedoll's heart ached at the memory. It had been no secret to Tiedoll that Izo had never wanted Lien or Kanda exposed to the dark and twisted reality that exorcists were so familiar with. Izo had initially been so aloof and distant, yet as his relationship developed with Lien the man had seemed to soften considerably. He still at times could be brusque and stubborn, but his wife had changed something within him. It was as though Lien had been a ray of light in Izo's life, as she would often find ways to bring a small smile to Izo's face, small yet affectionate as any man in love could have given.

Izo had wanted to protect Lien. When Kanda was born, Izo had wanted to protect him too. Tiedoll had been aware of this, and in many ways it was why he had handled Kanda as he had. It was why Tiedoll had perhaps very foolishly struggled to try to prevent Kanda from learning certain things. About exorcism. About Izo. Because Izo hadn't _wanted_ Kanda to know.

Tiedoll's heart twisted. He hated to think about what Izo would have thought at seeing the path Kanda had chosen to take. _'Of all things…'_

In so many ways Izo's likeness could be seen in Kanda. Everything ranging from the way Kanda looked to his mannerisms seemed to reflect that of his father. Sometimes, this would cause Tiedoll to feel as though he were in the presence of a ghostly apparition. _'Even the determination Izo felt to rid the world of akuma seemed to have spilled into Kanda,'_ Tiedoll realized, as a sigh escaped him.

Shutting the door behind him, Tiedoll exited his house. Sometime in the past 24 hours he seemed to have misplaced his notebook again, which was no doubt a sign of his age beginning to show. Tiedoll expected that he had left it at the church though, and began his short trek in that direction so that he could acquire the item and begin to prepare for his upcoming sermon.

As he walked, Tiedoll had to fight the urge to go in the opposite direction where Kanda lived. He honestly was not sure if Kanda _had_ taken off yet or not.

Approaching the church, Tiedoll's ears picked up the faint sound of shoveling. His eyes soon spotted Alma, who was currently clearing away some of the snow that had fallen the previous night. Tiedoll quickly noticed that Alma had already done a thorough job of shoveling all the snow that had been in front of the main entrance, and given the pink flush on Alma's cheeks the young man had evidently been out there for a while already.

Tiedoll also noticed that Alma almost looked….well, _upset_.

Alma's brows were furrowed slightly, and when Tiedoll focused his attention he soon became aware of the thin line Alma's lips formed. Even the way in which he used the shovel appeared tense and rigid, which caused Tiedoll's eyes to fill with concern. _'I wonder…'_

"Alma," Tiedoll greeted, his voice warm and betraying the quiet worry he felt stir within him.

Alma looked up somewhat quickly, signifying that he had been a bit startled by Tiedoll's presence. He tried to compose himself, with her previous expression of pensive disquiet attempting to erase itself. However, Alma was not necessarily the best at concealing his emotions, and his normally cheerful disposition appeared weighed down and tired.

"Hey," Alma started, before glancing at the snow he had been shoveling. "Sorry, I…kind of got a late start this morning."

Tiedoll was a bit surprised by the apology. He personally saw no issue with Alma having done the shoveling when he did, and had known Alma long enough to know the boy was responsible and conscientious of helping manage things with the church when he was supposed to.

"That's quite alright," Tiedoll spoke, his words amiable as he attempted to brush aside any worry that Alma may have harbored. Tiedoll could see that he was not as successful in doing such though, as Alma still held an uncertain look in his eyes.

Expression softening, Tiedoll wondered if perhaps Alma _knew_ Kanda had left – at least, if Kanda had ended up departing. But Tiedoll was wary of bringing up the topic so abruptly, and instead took a more subtle approach. "Something on your mind?" He asked, his tone remaining fairly light.

Alma faltered at the question, not answering right away. He averted his gaze, which only seemed to confirm to Tiedoll that something definitely _was_ on Alma's mind.

"No," Alma responded, though his answer was short and clipped as he suddenly went back to shoveling.

This caused Tiedoll to raise a brow. Alma was usually a little more open, but there was no hostility in his actions. Rather, Alma seemed to be more intent on avoiding whatever it was that was bothering him. Tiedoll hesitated for a moment, before finally deciding that Alma would open up to him when he was ready and that perhaps right at this moment it would not have been as good a time to question Alma.

Tiedoll placed a hand on Alma's shoulder, which caused the young man to cease his shoveling. As Alma's gaze met Tiedoll's, Tiedoll smiled at him kindly. "You seem like you've been out here a while – why don't you take it easy for a bit? You work hard enough as it is."

Once again Alma appeared a bit caught off guard, with his words delayed as his mind appeared to be turning. For a moment he looked as though he wanted to disagree with Tiedoll, but paused before finally nodding. However, his blue eyes wandered off to the side as though he were suddenly too timid to look at Tiedoll.

In his instinct to comfort, Tiedoll gave an affectionate pat on the back to Alma before taking the shovel from him. "Ok. On you go," Tiedoll encouraged in an almost fatherly way.

Glancing back at Tiedoll, Alma forced a small smile. There was a tiny glimmer that flickered in Alma's eyes though, replacing his more normal gaiety with something more somber and…sad. "Thanks," Alma spoke, his words meek but nevertheless sounding grateful.

The sight weighed down on Tiedoll. Alma appeared to be genuinely disheartened over something, but did not seem to want to articulate whatever it was that was upsetting him. Still standing by his initial decision to let Alma be, Tiedoll watched as Alma ventured off, noticing that the young man was going toward the lake. _'And not in the direction he would usually take to go see Kanda,'_ Tiedoll observed with a small frown.

Eventually, Tiedoll would need to go and verify if Kanda had left or not. Eventually, he would have to confirm if Kanda had so very brashly up and left _again_. Tiedoll really should have done it sooner rather than later, but faltered. He didn't want to confirm his suspicions just yet.

 _'Just not yet.'_

* * *

Kanda had returned back to the house, stiff, sore, and freezing. He did not take any time to relax though, and as soon as he got inside Kanda began gathering what few belongings he had. It wasn't much to begin with, so it only took Kanda a few minutes. Since he had been on the road for the past year and a half he was well-adapted to traveling light, with only the most basic of necessities in his possession. He didn't have a need to hold onto anything without an actual use or sentiment – well, except for his mother's pin.

Instinctively, Kanda reached into his pocket to feel the pin – to make sure it was there. He was always worried he would one day realize it was gone, and that he may be careless enough to lose it. With a grimace, Kanda recalled how he had nearly done so a month ago, before…

 _'Before Alma brought it back…'_ Kanda thought. He was quick to push any thoughts of the other young man from his mind though, as Kanda shoved the pin back into his pocket. He needed to leave.

Making sure he had all he needed, Kanda took his bag and Mugen before heading outside, locking the door behind him. As always, he exited through the back before heading around to the front where he took one last glimpse at the house, which was frosted with white snow and ice. Kanda hated how it looked.

Refusing to let his gaze linger for too long, Kanda soon started on his way. He realized he didn't have an actual plan as to just _where_ he was going. Tiedoll hadn't divulged on whether or not this said order of exorcists had left him with a location on how to be found or not, but Kanda was not even sure if Tiedoll _would_ have told him at this point.

It was a frustrating realization, but Kanda wasn't the kind of person to be easily deterred. Besides, Tiedoll was not the _only_ exorcist Kanda could go to. _'Marie would likely know something.'_

Heading in the direction of the village, Kanda frowned as he looked at the sky. It was a dark gray, and within the next few hours night would already be approaching. Technically, it wasn't _late_ – but the days were always torturously short in the winter, while the nights remained long and dark. Kanda would need to move quickly if he wanted to make the most of his time, and continued on his way without further delay.

Marie had ended up settling down in the village following the fateful night he had arrived all those years ago. At the same time his eyes had been damaged, Marie's innocence had also been impacted. The weapon Marie had was in the form of ten metal rings, each of which remained on a finger. During the altercation with the akuma, the rings had been damaged though, cracked mostly with at least four rings broken. The outcome had been that Marie had not been able to properly synchronize with his innocence in their incomplete state, leaving him unable to properly fight akuma and continue on his own with exorcism.

This of course did not mean that Marie had completely given upon the hope that he could one day find a method to repair his innocence. Kanda himself was aware that Tiedoll had made sure to keep a hold of the rings, trying to see if he could perhaps find a way to fix them. However, as far as Kanda knew the attempts had been fruitless, and Marie had for the time settled into a relatively quiet life in the village while working in the local tavern.

Despite his lack of vision, Marie was still perfectly capable of working and his sensitive hearing helped to make up for the one missing sense. This had allowed for Marie to find a job not long after he recovered without relying on anyone else to survive.

The tavern was on the outskirts of the village, though it was on the opposite end that Kanda was coming from. Not wanting to run into anyone that may have questioned where he was going, Kanda took to taking the long way around the outskirts. It lengthened his walk a bit, which Kanda had not been too pleased with – but he supposed it would have saved more time as opposed to getting potentially intercepted by someone he knew. Which would have been likely, considering this was the village that Kanda had grown up in.

Kanda finally reached the tavern, and entered. He saw it was relatively vacant with just two people talking at a table off in a corner. This wasn't too surprising, since it wasn't a peak time for the tavern. If anything, it would only make things easier for Kanda.

It was only a second before Kanda spotted Marie, who was behind the bar. Kanda approached him, not bothering to sit down before speaking up. "Hey."

Marie turned to look at Kanda, with recognition washing over his face as he recognized the voice. Marie's lips then upturned slightly. "You hardly ever come in here," He observed. "I take it you didn't come to get a drink though."

Kanda fought the urge to sneer. "No," He responded, his words clipped. Kanda had never been a drinker – the whole workings of alcohol had never even appealed to him. He didn't exactly like the idea of drinking something that would potentially cause him to act carelessly or lose his inhibitions.

Marie's expression seemed to sober at the tone Kanda used. He said nothing though, and appeared to be waiting for Kanda to continue.

Blue eyes flickering to Marie, Kanda started quietly, "I heard about last winter."

Hearing this, Marie said nothing. He seemed to hesitate before giving any response really, before finally nodding his head slowly. "Tiedoll told you then."

Kanda scoffed. "No, more like I had to corner him about it," He muttered, still bitter about being left in the dark. "You could have told me too, you know."

Marie frowned slightly. "I could have, but I was under the impression Tiedoll would have said something eventually. I don't think he wanted to lay something like that one you the moment you came back."

Kanda had to bite back an insult. God, what was with this _bullshit_ Marie and Tiedoll were going on about with Kanda needing some kind of breather when he came back? They were acting like he was some fragile little _kid_ and it was really beginning to piss Kanda off again.

 _'Try to stay calm,'_ Kanda told himself through gritted teeth. _'Snapping at Marie won't tell you anything, and you've already snapped at Tiedoll…'_

Taking a breath, Kanda composed himself. "That order. Was there any information given on how to locate them?"

Marie's brows furrowed. "You going to find them?"

"I'm sure as hell not staying here."

There was a moment where Marie didn't speak, although he looked as though he were thinking about something. For a moment, Kanda was worried that Marie wouldn't be able to give him any information – which could be particularly hindering. However, Marie exhaled and finally started speaking again. "They didn't give specifics. The two men who came said they couldn't leave any specific location as it posed too much a risk given the order is still in the process of refining itself."

Kanda scowled at this. "So how do they even expect other exorcists to find them?"

Marie didn't answer immediately, and instead pulled something out from his pocket. Kanda watched as his eyes made out what Marie had before the dark-skinned man held up what appeared to be a silver kind of cross – what was it a pin or badge?

Before Kanda could ask, Marie began an explanation. "This is a silver rose cross. It's the way they're identifying each other," He spoke, before handing it out to Kanda. "Take it with you. They said to head southwest from here, until you come to the North Sea, and someone would be there to greet anyone searching for them. My guess would be they're probably somewhere in England."

Taking the silver rose cross, Kanda nodded. He glanced at the badge, which felt somewhat heavy before putting it away in the same pocket as his lotus pin. "Thanks," Kanda said, before preparing to leave.

Hearing Kanda move, Marie moved his head slightly as though he were looking at Kanda. "You leaving now?"

"Yeah. I shouldn't have stayed as long as I have," Kanda answered, not really wanting to hash out his departure any more than necessary.

Marie nodded in understanding. "I'm surprised you stayed as long as you did, actually," The man spoke, "You said bye to everyone you wanted to already?"

Kanda stiffened, as a familiar smile with bright blue eyes flashed in his mind. "I've done all I needed to," He answered briskly, more irritated by Marie's words than he probably should have been.

Once more, a small half-smile appeared on Marie's face and for a second Kanda thought it looked as though Marie didn't believe him. "Try to come back in one piece, Kanda."

"I'll be fine," Kanda muttered, wishing desperately that people would stop acting so sentimental and _worried_ all the time. Kanda offered one last look at Marie though, with his indigo eyes softening slightly. "Take care, Marie."

Marie smiled, and gave a small wave.

Taking his leave before anything else could distract him, Kanda left the tavern, now with a better idea of just where he needed to go. He recalled that if he went directly south from his current location there was an inn about two hours away he could stay at if he didn't want to travel at night – which given the fact that it could snow more definitely seemed the more reasonable option. From there it would be probably another few hours' walk until he reached the next town. So long as Kanda continued this route, he would eventually make it out of Scandinavian country and into Germany, where he could then try to make it to the Baltic Sea.

It seemed straightforward enough a plan. Kanda just hoped he would be able to _find_ whoever it was he needed to.

As Kanda started off he found himself….feeling weighed down. Not in the literal sense of course – however, there was a definite _pull_ that seemed to be slowing Kanda down. _'The hell?'_ He wondered, not sure just what it was that seemed to be causing his body to repeatedly stiffen. Every step he made felt forced though, and it was almost as though Kanda was having to use an excessive amount of willpower just to move southward.

 _'Why the fuck is this so difficult?'_ Kanda silently questioned, not getting why it was almost as though his body _didn't_ want to leave just yet. It was ridiculous – Kanda didn't have time to waste. He had never hesitated before, so why was he hesitating _now?_

Kanda finally stopped walking, for a moment giving into his own unexplainable hesitation. He could hear the faint sound of life from the village behind him in the distance – a subtle reminder of what he should have been leaving behind. _'You're an exorcist now,'_ Kanda told himself, _'You don't need to be attached to any of that. Walk forward, damn it.'_

But it was as though his legs were refusing to listen. Unmoving. Wavering. No stability and no desire to follow what Kanda's head was willing them to do.

 _'Just walk…'_

Kanda couldn't walk though – at least, he couldn't walk _away_.

His mind once again flickered to that familiar smile he had grown so accustomed to – that stupid smile that Alma always wore.

God, why the hell was Kanda even thinking of _Alma_ again?

Kanda didn't even always like Alma. He didn't know why he tolerated him. Alma was clingy and just followed Kanda around like some dumb little puppy that didn't know what else to do with itself. And Alma was _annoying_ – he was unrealistically idealistic with these silly, whimsical little notions that made no sense at all. It didn't matter if Alma meant well, if he tried to think of others all the time like some selfless _idiot_ , or if he even cared to put up with Kanda's snarky attitude despite how much Kanda pushed him away…

Kanda's heart twisted. He didn't like how Alma made him feel. He didn't like how Alma made it hard to leave.

 _"You said bye to everyone you wanted to already?"_

Marie's words echoed in Kanda's ears, and he exhaled. No. He hadn't.

Had Alma come by his house earlier that day? Alma usually stopped by, but today Kanda had gone to train as soon as he was awake, and once that was done he had left. For a minute Kanda found himself wondering if Alma had questioned where Kanda was, or if the boy had ventured off to do his own thing. Had Alma gone to Tiedoll to ask about where Kanda was? What had Tiedoll said if Alma did? Would Tiedoll had told Alma that Kanda was leaving?

None of these scenarios Kanda found himself keen on, and his insides lurched at the thought of Alma just….not knowing. Not knowing why Kanda would have left without saying goodbye.

It was stupid. It shouldn't have mattered. Yet for some reason it just _did._

Exhaling, Kanda turned and walked back toward the village. 

* * *

It had gotten dark early, just as it had been doing so every day that winter. Alma had just come back from the lake. Some people had been skating out on the ice, but Alma hadn't felt like joining them. He didn't know anyone too well who was out there, and Lala wouldn't have been able to skate; the winter festival was the next day, and she had been far too pre-occupied working on her performance to make sure she would be prepared. And Kanda…

Alma tried to push the thought of the young man from his mind, though it was done with little success. He had tried to block out thoughts of Kanda all day really – specifically, he had tried to block out all thoughts of the conversation he had overheard the previous night. Alma knew it had been wrong to eavesdrop, and more than anything he wished he _hadn't_ heard the harsh words that had spilled from Kanda.

There was nothing for Kanda there. Everything was a waste.

Alma was _just_ some gypsy kid.

Alma cringed. How could he have been so _stupid_? Had he really thought Kanda _liked_ it when he hung around? Alma should have known better – he should have known that Kanda was only _tolerating_ him. _'I should have just left him alone,'_ Alma thought, unable to fight the pained disappointment that seeped into his core.

Looking outside, Alma glanced at the sky. It was starless, but the snow outside helped to illuminate the landscape slightly. He was back in the church now and looking out from one of the windows in the nave. Alma had come back a little while ago, and had managed to avoid Tiedoll. He felt somewhat guilty for doing so, but after running into the man earlier Alma had feared being questioned as to what was wrong – and while Alma trusted Tiedoll, he did not really want to hash out just what it was that was upsetting him.

Not that he _should_ have been upset. At least, he shouldn't have been _this_ upset.

Alma shifted his position. He had been sitting in the pews, but moved his body so he was now lying on his back on one of the benches. His cerulean eyes stared up at the ceiling aimlessly as his heart thudded dully in his chest. It hurt.

In retrospect, it had been foolish for Alma to get so attached to Kanda. He hadn't even known Kanda that long, and yet Alma felt strangely close to Kanda. He enjoyed his company, even if at times Kanda was a bit harsh and abrasive. But Kanda wasn't always that way. Alma had _seen_ a gentleness within Kanda. He had seen it in the tiny half-smiles and the amused smirks, or the way his eyes gleamed with occasional mirth. Alma had seen a different side to Kanda, and he had _liked_ that.

 _'Yuu just…never liked me though…'_ Alma thought, expression crestfallen. Alma's heart felt as though it were constricting as he realized this, and he felt nauseous. And embarrassed. It was humiliating to learn that someone you cared for didn't like you back.

Closing his eyes, Alma took a breath. He still felt a little shaky from everything, with his emotions swirling within him continuously. He also felt really tired, and worn out. _'I hate feeling this way…'_

The sound of the main door opening caught Alma's attention, breaking him out of his thoughts as his eyes flickered open. Sitting up, Alma looked back. He wondered if maybe it were Tiedoll, since he wasn't sure who else it would have been coming in at this time. Unless it were some traveler or someone looking for shelter, but the last person Alma had thought to be such was-

 _'…Yuu…'_

For a second Alma thought that maybe the darkness was playing a trick on his vision, and that he were seeing things. His body had frozen still, with his blue eyes immediately meeting the very piercingly familiar indigo irises. After a painstakingly long moment had passed, Alma soon realized that it was no trick of moonlight, and that it _was_ Kanda who was standing there in the entryway, looking as hesitant and uncertain as Alma seemed to feel.

Alma didn't say anything. He didn't know what to say. But Kanda wasn't saying anything either, and the silence was incredibly uncomfortable.

Wordlessly, Kanda walked over to where Alma was. He sat down in the same pew, yet Kanda sat off to the edge as though he were still maintaining a comfortable distance between the two. Kanda had yet to speak though, and Alma could feel himself feel tense and even frustrated by the silence.

Turning his head away abruptly, Alma broke the silence. "I thought you were leaving," Alma spoke, his words feeling strained as they left his chest.

Kanda opened his mouth, as though he intended to answer, but shut it. His own throat seemed to dry, as it struggled it release what words he wanted to convey. He had not missed the way Alma turned abruptly though, or the shocked looked that had befallen the young man's face when Kanda entered the nave. No, Alma had _definitely_ been under the impression that Kanda had left.

It made Kanda feel absolutely terrible.

Kanda took a breath. "I was," He finally admitted, surprised at how _guilty_ he suddenly felt. He didn't understand why. Yet sitting there, seeing Alma lacking his usual spritely nature and sounding (heaven forbid) _dejected_ just….it didn't sit well with Kanda. It didn't feel right. And Kanda didn't like it when things didn't feel right.

Pausing, Kanda glanced over at Alma. Alma still was keep his gaze averted, and was being unusually quiet. _'Alma…'_

"I'm sorry."

The words came out quietly – so quietly, that Kanda had almost not even realized he said them. But he had, and it had felt oddly natural to speak them. Kanda was not one to apologize; it wasn't really in his nature to be sorry about anything, and yet here he was apologizing to Alma of all people.

Alma had turned when Kanda spoke, clearly caught off guard by the apology. His eyes were puzzled, and he looked as though he thought maybe he had heard wrong.

Kanda sighed, before continuing. "I shouldn't have almost left like that…"

Alma averted his gaze once more. "You don't have to apologize," He countered, his words sounding more rigid than anything else. "It's…not like you have any reason to stay."

At Alma's words, Kanda frowned slightly. He hadn't expected Alma to say that of all things, but then Kanda had to remind himself that Alma had probably thought Kanda had left without saying anything earlier – which essentially was what Kanda had been about to do. And Alma – sensitive, stupidly _innocent_ Alma – had probably gotten his feelings hurt. He had gotten his feelings hurt by _Kanda_.

Shit, why was that realization torturing Kanda so much?

Kanda leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. His gaze rested on the back of the pew in front of him. "It's not like that," Kanda began, words soft. "It's….complicated."

As Alma heard this, he scowled. _'Why is it always so complicated?'_ He wondered, before turning to look at Kanda. "You always say that. That it's complicated," Alma pointed out. His tone was soft as well, but also tense, and almost _pained_. "I just…don't get it."

Looking up, Kanda turned to face Alma. He was immediately met with bright blue eyes that appeared not only confused, but disheartened and sad. Kanda's own heart lurched, and his eyes flickered downward, suddenly finding it difficult to look at Alma. "I know," He answered, before looking back at Alma. Kanda's expression was serious as he did so. "But…I just am going to have to leave. I have to take care of things, and…it's just better for you if you don't know it all, ok?"

Alma did not say anything at first. He merely looked back at Kanda, with his eyes filled with a bewildering look before his expression shifted into one of frustration. Alma then stood abruptly, and brushed past Kanda as he started to leave. Alma didn't need this – he didn't need to hear these _excuses._

Alma was forced to stop when Kanda stood up also, and quickly grabbed Alma by the wrist. "Alma-"

Turning swiftly, Alma could feel his heart twist. His eyes felt surprisingly watery all of the sudden, but he blinked back whatever tears were threatening to spill forward. It was cruel – it was cruel the things Kanda had said the previous night, and it was even crueler for him to have returned as if to _taunt_ the way Alma felt about him. "What?" Alma asked. "What is it? Because I'm _really_ over hearing about how you have to leave for whatever reason when you can't even tell me why!"

The sudden outburst seemed to completely catch Kanda off guard, and the softened expression he had been wearing momentarily hardened. "Alma, it's not something I can just _tell_ you! Why can't you just accept that?"

Suddenly unable to control his words, Alma snapped. "Because no one will accept that answer when it's coming from someone they _care about_!"

The whole room fell silent, with shock befalling Kanda as he just stared at Alma, completely taken aback by the words that had left the young man's lungs. Alma appeared equally shocked with what had unintentionally slipped out, and the heartfelt confession now lingering in the air.

Turning his face away, Alma could feel his face grow hot. His vision was becoming bleary, and he was quickly losing his composure. _'Shit,'_ He silently cursed, feeling more vulnerable than he ever had in years. But now the words were out, and his stupid, _stupid_ emotions had found their way out into the open in the worst way possible.

More than anything, Alma wanted to just disappear right then and there.

Kanda, who had still be staring, struggled to process just what he had heard. _'Someone they care about…'_ He repeated mentally, before it just _hit_ him. Alma was upset. Alma was upset because Kanda had almost disappeared, and Alma would have been worried. Because Alma _cared_ about Kanda.

And Kanda…

Kanda cared about Alma too. Kanda cared, and that was why he couldn't leave. He couldn't leave without saying goodbye.

Without any kind of warning, Kanda tightened his grip on Alma's wrist. He suddenly found himself longing to pull Alma close, but the fear of Alma's potential reaction caused Kanda to hesitate, and his eyes shut tight as he bit his lip. Finally working up the nerve, Kanda did just that and brought Alma in, wrapping his arms around him tightly. Kanda could feel Alma stiffen slightly under his embrace, but within a few seconds he relaxed, and Kanda felt the warmth of Alma's arms wrap around his body.

As they held each other, Alma buried his face into Kanda's shoulder. He could feel the moisture collecting in the corners of his eyes, and he shut them tightly as he continued to cling to Kanda, the overwhelming emotion threatening to pour out from within. Kanda's embrace was startlingly comforting though, and Alma found himself all but melting into it, with the pain and emptiness he had felt earlier evaporating into nothingness. _'Yuu…'_

Kanda placed a hand on Alma's head, running his fingers through the young man's short, messy hair. It was peculiar how _natural_ the action felt, and Kanda could feel his heart race slightly at the contact. It was a little strange to be embracing Alma in such a way, and yet…it felt right.

"Let's go ice skating," Kanda whispered, his voice so soft it was nearly inaudible. "Right now, ok? Let's go ice skating together."

Kanda could feel Alma nod, and Kanda smiled before pulling away. "Go get your skates. I brought a pair," He said, before glancing at the pair he had sat down by the entryway before coming into the nave.

Alma saw this and a smile appeared on his face, his eyes brightening. "Heh. I thought you didn't have any?"

Kanda shrugged. "I borrowed them," He said, though he didn't want to dwell on the circumstances in which he had obtained them. A half-smile still on his face, Kanda lightly pushed Alma. "Seriously, get your dumb skates before I change my mind about this."

Alma laughed softly at the jest, and Kanda found himself enjoying the musicality of Alma's laughter. "Okay," Alma said, before disappearing briefly to go get his ice skates.

Kanda went to grab his, before waiting by the front doorway. He did not have to wait long before Alma appeared with his. When both were ready, they left the church together as they started over to the lake. It was dark out, but the snow made it easy to see and the air was quiet. A comfortable silence had fallen between the two as they walked on, with the walk being relatively short before they made it to the lake, which was silent and vacant.

There was an area where a fallen tree remained, dead and frozen. The snow had been brushed off earlier from other people who had probably sat down to put on their ice skates earlier that day, which worked in Kanda and Alma's favor as it gave them a place to put their skates on. Kanda was able to change into his relatively quickly, and glanced over as Alma was finishing lacing his up. "You got them tight enough?"

Alma looked at Kanda before nodding. "Yeah…I think so," He answered, with a trace of uncertainty in his voice.

Standing, Kanda's lips upturned slightly. "Ok," He said, feeling an unexpected tinge of excitement. They were already right at the edge of the lake, so Kanda stepped on first. The sensation was at first strange to Kanda, as he had to quickly re-adjust himself to being in skates. However, the memory of skating swiftly returned to Kanda, and he glided back a bit, feeling the familiarity of the ice beneath his feet.

Alma approached the ice, looking far more wary. Seeing this, Kanda skated back to the edge to where Alma was. "Here," Kanda said, taking Alma's hand. "Just step onto the ice-"

Attempting to do as Kanda had instructed, Alma had stepped on, but the moment his second step had been made he nearly slid down, and Kanda had to catch him as they both nearly fell. Laughing softly, Kanda helped Alma stand. "Step onto the ice, but don't _walk_ on it – you want to glide," He explained.

Alma laughed gently at his own folly, with a sheepish smile. "Got it," He said, before attempting to skate once more. Kanda was still holding his hand, guiding him as he pulled Alma along slowly. Alma still felt a little wobbly though, and occasionally his balance would waver. However, as they continued along Alma could gradually feel himself gaining more of a balance as he grew accustomed to the feel of the ice, though he imagined Kanda's guidance was mostly to thank for that.

Kanda was skating backwards at this point, pulling Alma with both of his hands. He noticed that Alma was actually doing really well given it was his first time on the ice, though at times Alma seemed a little shaky. "You're getting the hang of it," Kanda observed before smirking slightly. "You're definitely not as terrible as I thought you'd be."

Alma stuck out his tongue. "Haha. Very funny," He bit back with playful sarcasm.

Smirk softening, Kanda's words became gentle yet again. "I'm going to try skating beside you, ok? Just keep gliding like you're doing now."

Alma nodded, and Kanda let go of one hand. As he did this, he turned so that he was more beside Alma rather than in front of him, with one of Kanda's hands still clasping Alma's. For a second Alma had stiffened a little, but then relaxed when he realized Kanda was not completely letting go. Glancing at Kanda, Alma smiled.

They continued skating for a bit longer, with Kanda eventually being able to let go of Alma completely. Alma was still far from perfect on the ice, occasionally wavering, but never falling to Kanda's surprise. Actually, with a little more practice Kanda noticed that Alma would probably be a pretty solid skater. The two of them were currently skating around the lake, with the speed between them having picked up slightly as Alma grew more comfortable on the ice.

Looking over, Kanda smirked at Alma as they skated along. "You know, you're almost like a natural."

Keeping his eyes forward, Alma grinned. "Yeah?" He asked, before throwing a glance in Kanda's direction. "Maybe I could just do it for a living-"

Alma was cut off suddenly, as he unexpectedly lost his balance as he had leaned to the side too far. This caused him to fall abruptly, landing on his side. "Owwww," Alma groaned, before Kanda skated over to him.

Stifling a snort of laughter, Kanda looked down at Alma. "Sorry, _what_ were you saying about doing this for a living?"

Feeling a bit abashed, Alma blushed. "How stupid did that look?" He asked, though there was a small smile on his face.

Kanda shrugged. "Not that stupid," He said before extending a hand to help Alma up.

Eyes brightening slightly, Alma took Kanda's hand and stood. His balance felt a little off kilter from the fall, but Kanda helped to steady him, placing a hand on Alma's arm. Alma's heart skipped instantly, and his eyes quickly found Kanda's.

As their eyes met, neither young men spoke. Both seemed to fall victim to a trance as their gazes remained interlocked, with no audible words passing between them.

Kanda's own heart seemed to be racing, and there was a sensation pulsating throughout his body that he was not familiar with. It seemed to only increase the longer he stared into Alma's eyes though, and an unspoken flurry of words seemed to be bubbling within Kanda's chest. "Alma, I…" He started, trailing off when he noticed how close their faces were.

Alma didn't say anything though, and like Kanda he found himself unable to pull away, with the draw between them feeling more magnetic than anything Alma had ever experienced. Pulling in, Alma leaned his forehead against Kanda's, his eyes looking downward for a second before he closed his eyes, and very gently brushed his lips against Kanda's.

At first, the contact had caused Kanda to go rigid. But Alma's lips were petal soft, and they action made Kanda unusually weak, with his own eyes closing and his arms pulling Alma close. The kiss was chaste in its nature, soft and gentle. There was nothing lustful or even sexual about it, as it was just…pure.

Kanda allowed his lips to remain against Alma's for a small bit longer, before he slowly pulled away, his eyes flickering open. Kanda's heart was pounding in his chest, and despite the sweetness of the kiss he nearly had to catch his breath. "Alma," He spoke, his tone delicate like gossamer thread.

Alma blinked, looking up at Kanda, with a questioning look as though he was wondering what Kanda was thinking. He then looked as though he were about to say something, when a gust of wind blew passed them, catching both Alma and Kanda off guard.

Snow flurries spilled out from the clouds as the wind whipped by, and Kanda instinctively shielded his eyes. _'Damn snow,'_ He silently cursed, not sure why the weather had to suddenly act up again. He was still holding onto Alma with his other arm though, as if attempting to steady Alma so the other young man wouldn't lose his balance with the force of the wind.

"We should probably get off the ice," Kanda started, though he had to raise his voice over the howl of the wind. He was still having to shield his eyes though, as the flurries falling were cold and stiff, almost feeling more like tiny bits of hail-

"Ow!" Alma cried out suddenly, causing Kanda to look over. The wind was starting to die down finally, and Kanda could see Alma clutching his right eye as though he were in pain.

As the wind quieted, Kanda placed a hand on Alma's shoulder as he turned Alma to face him. "Alma, what happened?"

Still clutching his eye, Alma grimaced. "Something…. Something got in my eye…"

"What? Here, let me look," Kanda instructed.

Surprisingly, Alma pulled away sharply. "Don't touch it!" He snapped, his words sounding far more aggressive than what was necessary.

The shift in tone took Kanda aback, and he frowned. "Alma, if something got in your eye I need to look at it to see what it is-"

"I said _don't touch it_!"

Kanda froze at the vehemence in Alma's voice. He had never heard Alma use that tone before, even the second day of knowing him when they had _fought._

Brow furrowing, Kanda tried to contain the building frustration he was feeling. Why was Alma acting so _hostile_ all of the sudden? Kanda's mind immediately flickered back to what had just transpired all between them: the talking, the ice skating, the _kiss_. At what point did anything warrant such…such a shift in mood for Alma?

Kanda inhaled, trying to find it within himself to speak without going off. "Alma," He started, trying very much to keep his voice level, "Alma…please, let me look? I just want to make sure your eye is okay."

Kanda's words seemed to momentarily calm Alma a bit, although there was still an agitated energy about him. He was still clutching his right eye, and was biting his lip as though he were in pain. However, he exhaled and just shook his head. "It's…it's nothing. It was just some ice probably," Alma responded, although his words were stiff and rigid. "It'll melt."

Releasing a breath, Kanda sighed, feeling a mixture of concern and irritability. "You sure?"

Alma whipped his head in Kanda's direction, with an icy glare piercing from the one eye that wasn't concealed. "Look, just fucking leave it alone, ok!?" He snapped once again.

Eyes widening slightly at the outburst, Kanda was momentarily stunned.

Alma seemed to notice his expression though, and struggled to calm himself, turning away from Kanda. "Sorry, I'm…I'm just tired," He spoke, his words quiet. "I'm going back."

Kanda hesitated before answering, completely perplexed by the mood swings Alma was suddenly exhibiting. "Okay, well let me at least head over with you-"

"Don't bother," Alma muttered, with a quiet bitterness that to Kanda came from out of nowhere.

 _'What the hell?'_ Kanda wondered, not sure how to react.

Before Alma could skate back to the edge of the snow, Kanda grabbed Alma's arm. There was a stern look in Kanda's eyes as he attempted to seek Alma's. "Alma, what the _hell_?" He asked, no longer able to contain his frustration. "What are you suddenly acting this way?"

Alma paused as he looked back at Kanda. Then, without any warning, he yanked his arm from Kanda's grasp. "I'm not acting _any_ way. I just want to go back _alone_ ," He countered, before adding scathingly, "Anyways, I'm just some annoying gypsy kid, aren't I? Why are you still here if this is such a _waste_ of your time?"

The words tossed back at Kanda felt like slabs of concrete being thrown into his chest, and the words he had shouted the previous night to Tiedoll came flooding back. The blood draining from his face, Kanda scrambled to think.

Had Alma _heard_ all of that?

Nearly choking on his own words, Kanda attempted to speak. "Alma, I don't know what you heard, but-"

Kanda faltered though. What _could_ he say?

Alma didn't move for a few seconds, but then sneered. "Whatever. Just leave already if you hate it here so much," He spoke, his words like shards of ice. Without waiting for a response, Alma then skated back to the shore.

Speechless, Kanda was then left alone on the ice, feeling as though his very heart had been just pierced. 

* * *

"It looks like we just got ourselves a new akuma in the making."

The Earl was watching a small globe, which what appeared to be a small mode of the earth itself. On it remained the different continents and seas, essentially acting a sort of map. In one particular location in northern Europe a small dot of light could be seen, of which the Earl was currently fixated on.

Behind the Earl, one minion remained leaning against the wall, dressed in white with his long dark hair pulled back into his signature low ponytail.

"Tyki," The Earl started, "Why don't you go and collect this akuma? I don't want to risk losing another one to that rogue we have running around."

Smirking, Tyki nodded. "Of course, Lord Millenium," He responded as his golden eyes gleamed. "I'll make sure to get this one before _she_ does."

The Earl nodded. "Good. That snow witch has really put a wrench in all my plans – and I worked so hard on it all, too!"

Tyki waved his hand. "Don't worry – I'm sure this one won't be too hard to catch," He said reassured, his words satin-smooth.

Turning back slightly, the grotesquely-looking Earl glanced back at the dark-haired man. "Make sure you don't return empty-handed," The Early warned, before turning back to the globe. "They're almost all gone. Those shards. She's taken almost every one of them."

Chuckling softly, Tyki swiped his hand in the air, causing a door to appear. "Almost. But not all," Tyki emphasized before opening the door. "I'll be back shortly."

With that, Tyki went into the doorway, which dissolved as soon as he disappeared into it. 

* * *

**A/N:** As promised, here was a more immediate update, and it's to make up for the fact that I didn't mess with updates for waaaaay too long. BUT LOOK. LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOK THERE WAS AN ACTUAL KISS SO SEE I WAS RIGHT THERE WAS YUULMA ON THE WAY ALL ALONG. *rapidly flails arms like a mad creature* Okay, but back to more serious note things now.

So relationship-wise, I wasn't sure just where Kanda and Alma would be before Alma gets nicked with the mirror shard. I actually initially planned on there being no physical intimacy until later on, but again, this was just something that sort of happened? I'm not actually displeased with it - it feeds my Yuulma cravings, and sort of solidifies that emotional connection more between them.

I did like the ice skating - I had promised a friend I would somehow get it in here. It wasn't too hard though, since I'm still being influenced by Yuri! On Ice. This scene was also pretty much directly taken from the 2002 film adaption of Snow Queen, which if you're not familiar with it has a nice ice skating scene in it. So I cannot take the credit for where that all came from.

We also got to see an actual flashback of Kanda's parents in this chapter, which was honestly soooo much fun to get into. I'm actually really attached to Izo and Lien - they seem pretty real in my head, and we also got to see how Tiedoll met Izo. Which is cool. I mean I always dig getting backstories, because I think they make a story and universe more interesting so yeah. XD

And the Noah are back! Which was also not planned. I wasn't sure how much they would be involved in this AU, because initially I was paralleling them to the goblins in the original Snow Queen story - and for those of you who have read it, you know that they're really not as active save for when they build the mirror. But I like Tyki, so it looks like he'll be around a little more. ;)

Thanks for reading, and please leave any feedback! It will be much appreciated and very helpful. 3


	10. Taken

**Lotus in the Snow (Snow Queen AU)**

 **Chapter Nine**  
 _Taken_

Alma didn't go to sleep when he came back to the church. He had gone straight to his room though, quick to slam the door shut behind him as soon as he could. Leaning back against the door, Alma exhaled raggedly. His right eye was still closed, and it would periodically throb. Alma had still been applying some pressure to it with his hand in an attempt to subdue the pain; he wasn't sure if this was actually helping, or if the pain was fading on its own. Either way, he was eventually able to remove his hand as he blearily blinked his right eye open. It felt unnaturally cold.

Then again, _everything_ felt unnaturally cold.

And sore. It had initially just been in Alma's eye. There had been the sharp throbs of pain so fierce that they had felt as though they were icily burning into Alma's eye. While the pain in the eye had started to dull with time, the pain did not actually _leave_ – it only seemed to migrate, and now Alma's head was roaring with a relentless headache that felt like it was closer to a migraine, and his body ached. Why the hell was his whole _body_ aching though? It had just been some ice in his eye. It hadn't been anything _serious_.

Kanda had wanted to look at it. In retrospect, it would have made sense to let Kanda check to make sure it wasn't anything too severe. Alma had pushed him away though, and lashed out at Kanda. Honestly, Alma was not even sure _what_ had spurned him to act out in such a way. It had just… _happened._

 _'I said those things to him…'_ Alma recalled, thinking back to how he had just completely _snapped_ out of nowhere. It was like Alma was just suddenly so _angry_ again – but had he been that angry the night before? He had certainly felt sad, and hurt – even _heartbroken_ really. But Alma had not recalled feeling _angry_.

The venomous emotion was real. It was real, and Alma could feel it burning in his veins like an unexpected storm that was swirling deep within him. Alma was angry. He was upset, and for whatever reason he was now feeling more _pissed the fuck off_ than he could ever remember feeling in his lifetime.

 _'Except this isn't new, is it? You've always felt this way,'_ A voice seemed to tease from the depths of Alma's mind.

The thought was unwelcome, and it made Alma stiffen. _'That's not true…'_

 _'Of course it is. You've felt this way for years now. You just don't want to admit it.'_

Alma must have been losing it. Crap, now he was _arguing_ with himself of all things. He tried to ignore the words that kept teasing and taunting him from within, but his attempt was in vain as the voice was relentless.

 _'You just don't want to admit you're some pissed off little boy who's sick of getting abandoned and beaten into the ground. Because admitting that would only be admitting that no one_ wants _you.'_

"Shut up, _'_ " Alma muttered, gritting his teeth as he grasped at the laces of his ice skates which he had still been carrying. God, why wouldn't the _stupid_ voice just shut up?

 _'And you really_ hate _that, don't you? Being so_ unwanted. _'_

"I said _shut up_!" Alma snapped, impulsively throwing his ice skates across the room, as though such an action would have been able to help anything. But the pent up energy Alma felt was maddening, and his arm had seemed to acquire of a mind of its own as it hurdled the skates. They crashed against the window, falling to the ground, but causing the glass to shatter.

The sound of glass breaking seemed to snap Alma out of his fury, and for a moment he stilled, staring wide-eyed at the broken window. Had Alma seriously just done that?

Cursing to himself, Alma went over to pick up the skates, setting them aside. Most of the broken glass had fallen outside since the impact came from within, and Alma glanced at the window to inspect the damage. A few jagged pieces of glass remained, but the cold air seeped through. "Damn it," Alma spoke to himself, frustrated with the fact that his window was now broken. He would have to repair it.

A sharp pain shot through Alma's head, and he grimaced. For a second his vision blurred, and his equilibrium felt as though it were off, causing him to stagger slightly. He sought to rest his hand on the wall for support, but happened to clutch one of the glass shards still attached to the window pain, and hissed as he felt the sharp sensation of glass slicing into his flesh. Alma yanked his hand back to see the palm had been completely cut into, with red pooling out from it.

For a moment Alma just stared, strangely fixated on the gash on his hand. But then the pain started up in his head again, and Alma shut his eyes. Jaw clenched, he grasped at his scalp with his uninjured hand in a desperate attempt to relieve the pressure, but no matter what he did the pain _would not stop._ "Just…fucking stop it…."

He tried to open his eyes, but his vision seemed to flicker. There was a high-pitched noise in his ears.

It felt hard to breathe. His whole body was beginning to ache again and Alma felt exhausted. Everything felt suffocating and hot, despite the icy chill Alma had previously felt. Even the open window with the quiet winter wind did nothing to alleviate the sudden _burning_ Alma seemed to be experiencing everywhere.

 _'Please…make it stop…'_

He couldn't stand. His balance didn't feel right. _'I need to lie down…'_

Bed. Sleep. He needed to sleep. He couldn't stay awake like this. Nothing felt right. Nothing felt normal.

Everything went black. 

* * *

When Alma came to, he was on his bed. He didn't remember getting into it – or had he fallen onto it? His memory was foggy, and the events of the previous night were jumbled in his head. Fragmented images flashed through his mind, though Alma struggled to process them all. Gradually, he began to piece them together. Everything from encountering Kanda in the church, to ice skating…

The ghostly sensation of Kanda's lips against Alma's danced through Alma's mind, and his heart lurched.

The memory was startlingly painful for Alma. He felt so _stupid_ – why had he kissed Kanda? Kanda wasn't going to even _stay_. He had said as much in the church, and Alma could still recall the words Kanda had spoken with surprising clarity.

 _"But…I just am going to have to leave. I have to take care of things, and…it's just better for you if you don't know it all, ok?"_

 _'Why, though?'_ Alma wondered. _'Why would you have to leave…?'_

Why did Alma even _care_?

Alma sat up, bringing his hand to his eye. It didn't sting with pain, and he could see alright. But he froze as soon as he noticed the palm of his hand, which was unmarred and perfectly normal. _'Wait…that's not right…'_

Hadn't Alma cut his palm the previous night?

Alma switched to look at his other hand, wondering if perhaps he had been so out of it that he had gotten mixed up on which hand he had cut. However, his other hand was unmarked as well, with both palms devoid of any gashes or even minuscule scrapes. Could he have imagined it? No, Alma _swore_ he had cut his hand the previous night. He could remember _staring_ at it. There had even been blood-

 _'Blood,'_ Alma remembered, suddenly realizing that the window would still have traces of it. Standing, Alma hesitated, leaning against the wall briefly as a small rush of dizziness swept over him. He took a moment to breathe a little, before he was sure he wouldn't lose his balance before he finally approached the window.

What Alma found were not traces of blood. In fact, he couldn't even find the glass shard that he had grabbed onto. Instead, the area that Alma recalled touching was completely absent all together, as though the glass shard had simply _disappeared._

Frowning, Alma looked at the window. On the pain where the glass shard had originally remained there was a dark, charred color, with jagged edges that almost looked like a series of pentacles.

…Pentacles?

Alma shook his head. He wasn't in his right mind, and whatever had pierced his eye must have pierced into his brain or something to get him to see such ludicrous things. Was he hallucinating?

Unexpectedly, another pain shot through Alma's scalp and he cursed, completely caught off guard by the brutal sensation. He had thought that he were done with whatever painful side effects he had been feeling the previous night, though he had clearly been mistaken. The stabs of pain were there, just as prominent as the night before if not _worse._

Feeling the room sway, Alma slunk to the ground, and waited until the flare up of pain subsided. As vicious as it had felt, the stabbing was short-lived, and quieted soon enough. Alma exhaled, but didn't stand immediately.

Just what was _wrong_ with him?

Alma was not sure how long he remained there with his back against the wall as he sat on the floor, head down and eyes shut. He wanted to just fall asleep, but his whole body felt agitated and high-strung. He was exhausted while also feeling as though he had a massive amount of pent-up energy building in his body, and he had no idea just what it was he wanted to do at that point anymore.

There was a knock at Alma's bedroom door, and the young man jumped. At first Alma said nothing, not sure if he wanted to answer – he didn't feel like talking. He didn't feel like talking to _anyone_. Everything was aggravating him, and his body felt twitchy.

"Alma?" A voice asked, which Alma immediately recognized as Tiedoll's. Another knock could be heard. "Alma, are you in there?"

For whatever reason, Alma felt a sudden rush of panic. He didn't know or understand why, but he immediately thought of the pentacles on the windowsill. Alma stood, and broke off one of the remaining shards of glass before he quickly began to scratch at the pentacles in an attempt to obscure their appearance. There was a third knock, which spurned Alma to move faster, before he quickly discarded the chunk of glass.

Seeing that the pentacles were somewhat scratched out, Alma went to answer the door, trying desperately to ignore the increasing agitation he was feeling. When Alma opened the door, he was greeted by the sight of Tiedoll. Alma noticed the man wore an expression of surprise, causing Alma to feel a wave of irritation. Why did Tiedoll look so caught off guard? He'd knocked, hadn't he?

Tiedoll spoke before Alma. "I wanted to check on you – I hadn't seen you since yesterday," Tiedoll began. Concern lingered in his warm brown eyes as he looked at Alma. "Are you feeling alright? You look as though the color has been drained from your face."

Alma hesitated before answering. Since waking up, he hadn't actually looked at himself, so he wasn't sure how accurate Tiedoll's observation was. He didn't want the older man to make a big deal out of anything though. "I'm fine…just tired," He answered, despite it being a blatant lie. Alma felt anything _but_ fine.

Tiedoll paused, and appeared to be figuring out whether or not he believed Alma. His eyes soon flickered behind the young man though, where Tiedoll's gaze landed on the window. Tiedoll's eyes widened slightly. "Goodness, what happened to the window?"

Alma tensed. He couldn't very well admit that he had broken the window by flinging his ice skates at it, and scrambled to come up with a lie. "Um…yeah. It was wind," Alma answered, trying his best to keep his words steady. "The wind caused it to break."

For a second a doubtful look flashed in Tiedoll's eyes, and Alma held his breath. Had Tiedoll seen through the deception?

Fortunately, Tiedoll didn't challenge Alma on the response. "I see," He replied, his brow furrowed slightly. Tiedoll's expression softened as he met Alma's gaze. "Why don't you come back to my house, and rest there? This cold air isn't good for you, and you really are looking terribly pale."

"I said I'm fine," Alma cut in, his tone more snappish than he intended. Tiedoll appeared somewhat taken aback by the harshness of the tone, and Alma realized he had just about crossed a line probably – he had never snapped at Tiedoll before.

Averting his gaze, Alma tried to compose himself, though it seemed to be getting more challenging with each passing second. "I'm…going to go get some things to repair it," Alma spoke, trying to keep his words more even than they had just been.

A small frown appeared on Tiedoll's lips, and he looked as though he wanted to disagree with Alma going through the trouble when in such a state. However, Tiedoll ended up nodding slowly as a wariness remained in his eyes. "Alright," He agreed, though there was a cautiousness to the way Tiedoll spoke.

Alma briefly threw a glance in Tiedoll's direction, and for a second wondered if he were at risk for being questioned further. However, upon see Tiedoll wasn't going to argue Alma quickly brushed past the man, suddenly feeling desperate to get away. He did not say goodbye or when he would be back, and simply rushed to throw on his coat before heading outside, and away from Tiedoll.

Tiedoll said nothing as Alma speedily departed. The small frown had not left Tiedoll's expression, even when the young man had disappeared. Alma was acting oddly, and Tiedoll had never seen Alma so perturbed. At least not to such a snappish extent. In fact, Alma had seemed almost _distressed_ more than anything. Tiedoll had been quite startled by Alma's appearance when answering the door; the young man had been pale as Tiedoll had pointed out, but had an almost haggard and worn appearance. Tiedoll honestly thought that Alma looked sleep-deprived.

 _'And that window…'_ Tiedoll thought, glancing back into the room. The air was cold, and Tiedoll was surprised that Alma had _stayed_ there all night with the window being broken. More than once Tiedoll had offered for Alma to come to his house if anything ever happened, and for the most part Alma had always been comfortable coming by. Had there been a reason Alma had stayed put though?

Tiedoll had waited a few minutes, but once he was certain that Alma was gone he walked into Alma's bedroom. Normally, Tiedoll would not be a man to invade someone's privacy; he was the kind of person who sought to see the good in people while trying to give the benefit of the doubt. However, Tiedoll couldn't shake the feeling that something was just _off_. Alma hadn't seemed like himself, and there was something else that was bothering Tiedoll – which was what caused him to approach the window.

Glancing at the floor beneath the window, Tiedoll looked around. There were hardly any glass shards on the ground, save for a few tiny splinters. Tiedoll then looked outside, his eyes moving down to the snow ground. Sure enough, the bulk of the broken glass was scattered out on the ground, sticking out of the snow like crystalline blades.

An unsettling feeling trickled into Tiedoll. Alma had said the wind had caused the window to break – an unlikely occurrence, but not impossible. The last few nights the wind had periodically gotten tumultuous, so the possibility of the wind breaking the window _was_ plausible. However, if that were the case, then the glass would have burst inward rather than outward. With the way the shards were scattered, the blow that caused the glass to break logically would have come from _within_ the room.

But why would Alma lie?

"Something's not right here…" Tiedoll murmured to himself quietly, trying to piece it together. Alma had been upset the previous day about something; that much was certain. But Alma hadn't seemed… _angry_ then. Could something else have happened? Something wasn't adding up, and it was leaving a nasty taste in Tiedoll's mouth.

Tiedoll was about to turn, when something caught his eye. Gaze shifting to the windowsill, he noticed a series of scratches, crude and rather sloppy attempting to mark out something. Looking closely, Tiedoll had to stare for a second before he could make out what appeared to be-

 _'…Pentacles.'_

Eyes widening slightly, Tiedoll stiffened. They were mostly scratched out, but no, those _definitely_ looked like pentacle traces on the windowsill.

Body rigid, Tiedoll glanced around there room. Aside from the window, nothing else seemed amiss – however, that did little to quell the disquiet he was currently experiencing. If anything, it only set the man more on edge.

Something was wrong. Something was definitely _wrong_.

Tiedoll couldn't make any assumptions though. He couldn't assume anything just yet until he knew a little more about what was going on. Taking a final look around Alma's room Tiedoll quickly left, shutting the door behind him before he made his way down the hall and to another door – one that he rarely went in. Taking out a key, he unlocked the door, quickly glancing around to check that no one was around before he unlocked the door.

Tiedoll was greeted by the sight of the familiar staircase, and giving one last look down the hall he descended down the stairs, shutting the door behind him. 

* * *

Again. Kanda had been unable to leave _again_.

 _'This is getting_ really _fucking ridiculous,'_ He fumed silently, as he slammed the door behind him. He was leaving his house for the second time with the intent of leaving; Kanda _needed_ to leave. Staying had been a mistake. Staying had totally _backfired_.

Kanda's mind was still plagued by the events of the previous night. The inability the leave, the _guilt_ – all of these feelings because for whatever reason, Kanda had been unable to be at peace with the idea of leaving without saying anything to Alma. Why though? Why did Kanda have to go back? It hadn't gone well. At least, it hadn't gone well toward the end. What had happened?

Kanda recalled the way Alma had looked before leaving. He recalled the way Alma's eyes had flashed with a venom more potent than Kanda had even thought Alma capable of. The glimmer in his normally bright blue eyes had been so frigid and _icy_ – Kanda had been stunned. Where was the cheerful, lighthearted young man he had become so used to? Where was that dumb, foolish little smile that Kanda had been so discouraged to see absent?

 _'What happened out there?'_

Nothing made sense to Kanda. Looking back he was not sure _what_ he had expected to happen when he went to go find Alma; at the time, he had still been uncertain as to why he felt such a need to even explain anything to the young man. The unfulfilled need had made Kanda restless though, and upon hearing Alma words in the church Kanda had come to an unprecedented conclusion that he actually did give a damn about Alma.

 _"Because no one will accept that answer when it's coming from someone they_ care about _!"_

Alma cared about Kanda, too.

Alma had been upset that Kanda was going to leave. He had been upset because he _cared_ about Kanda. And shockingly, Kanda had realized that he felt the same. _'Fuck…'_

The whole thing was overwhelming, and Kanda didn't even know how to begin processing it all. Alma had been upset, then Alma had been fine. They had been fine – hell, they had even _kissed_.

Fist clenched, Kanda's jaw tightened. The memory was unnecessarily painstaking to think about, and he felt like a _goddamn idiot_ for letting his guard down. For giving in. For _wanting_ that.

And then for Alma to just switch gears on Kanda so suddenly – Kanda _still_ felt shell-shocked. Or furious. Or hurt. He wasn't sure which. Maybe he was feeling a little bit of each.

 _'He knew about what I said though,'_ Kanda thought, the realization making him even more bitter. How had Alma known about those words Kanda had said? Surely Tiedoll wouldn't have hashed out that conversation to Alma – Tiedoll did a lot of things Kanda thought were stupid, but the old man would never do something like _that_. Had Alma just eavesdropped or something?

Shaking his head, Kanda walked on. He didn't have time to worry about the details. He had tried to talk to Alma. He had _tried_ to leave on a good note. And it had all blown up in Kanda's face.

There was no point in trying a second time. Alma had made it clear how he felt in the end.

 _"Just leave already if you hate it here so much."_

Kanda had hated hearing those words. He had hated how much it hurt to hear them.

 _'Whatever,'_ Kanda thought, incensed by the whole transgression of events. It didn't matter anyways – Kanda actually _was_ leaving. Right this moment. Screw Alma.

Because Kanda had already lost so much time, he had planned to just cut directly through the village. It would be annoying, and he would probably run into someone who would want to stop and _chat_ , but Kanda didn't have the free time to take the long way around. If he moved quickly enough he would able to get in a good distance, and not have to stop only two hours away like he'd originally planned. If he kept up the energy he could probably make it to the next town a just a few hours after dark. It was doable.

Approaching the village outskirts, Kanda noticed that there seemed to be more people out than normal. At first he wasn't sure why – it even looked like some people from out of town were there as well. But then Kanda noticed some of the different lanterns being put up along with several last minute decorations, and it clicked. _'That's right…the winter festival is tonight,'_ Kanda recalled, cringing inwardly at the fact that he had probably picked the worst day to cut through the village. He wasn't big on crowds.

Then again, with it being so crowded, Kanda _might_ be able to sneak through unnoticed.

The possibility gave him an inkling of hope, and Kanda began to weave his way through the business of the village. He tried to keep his gaze forward as not to get too distracted by anything, or accidentally roped into a conversation. Since most people seemed to be pre-occupied with last minute preparations, Kanda seemed to be having luck so far. _'Just a little farther and I'll be out of here-'_

Someone brushed passed Kanda somewhat roughly, and he turned. His eyes soon rested on a man he had never seen before, with deep, olive skin that was the color of faint umber. The man's hair was dark and thick, falling in soft waves as several loose curls framed his face. He was wearing a white hood, which contrasted starkly against his coloring.

Before Kanda could react, the man turned to look at him. Kanda was immediately thrown off by the piercingly golden irises of the man, which to Kanda looked almost hawk-like and predatory. A dark mole was under the man's left eye. "Sorry about that," The man apologized, his voice like velvet against Kanda's ears.

For whatever reason, Kanda found his gaze fixed on the man's eyes. They didn't sit well with him, and he felt uneasy. However, it wasn't as though he had an actual _reason_ to feel uncomfortable. Wordlessly, Kanda nodded. He struggled to find his ability to speak, before he was finally able to get his vocal chords to work. "Don't worry about it."

The man smiled at Kanda. "You here to enjoy the winter festival?" He asked, his tone casual enough.

Kanda kept his expression neutral. "No," He answered simply, though he fought the urge to scoff. "I'm actually heading out-"

"I said I'm _fine_! Why does everyone keep asking that?"

Kanda stopped abruptly as he heard the voice, which was far _too_ familiar for his liking. The stranger also seemed to notice, and looked over in the direction of the voice as Kanda's eyes followed. As Kanda turned, and his gaze immediately landed on the speaker: _Alma._

Alma wasn't actually too far away – just a short distance really. He hadn't taken notice of Kanda though, likely due to how busy it was. Rather, Alma was far too preoccupied glaring at the person in front of him. With surprise, Kanda quickly saw that the recipient of Alma's glowering was in fact a somewhat distressed-looking Lala.

Kanda frowned. He didn't like how this was looking.

The stranger beside him spoke. "That looks like it's getting heated," He observed, though there was a nonchalance in his tone. Kanda threw a somewhat annoyed glance in the man's direction before returning to where Alma and Lala were.

Lala currently looked as though he was filled with unease, but was scowling at Alma. "I was just _asking_ – you're acting weird!" She accused, with vexation in her voice.

Alma's eyes flashed. "No, I'm _not_ – I just don't feel like talking! Is that really so hard to get through your head?"

Hearing this, Kanda's eyes narrowed. Where did Alma getting off on talking to Lala that way? Lala could be annoyingly perky at times, but she wasn't a bad person by any means – and Kanda had grown up with her. She meant well, and to hear Alma talk in such a way to her caused Kanda's blood to heat up. Abandoning his plan to get out of the village as soon as possible, Kanda started over in their direction, leaving the stranger behind him.

"Anyways, why are you still pestering me?" Alma was asking, though his words were unusually cold. "Don't you have some stupid song to practice or something?"

Without really thinking anything through, Kanda sped up his pace to where he finally had approached them. "Hey," He called sharply, causing both Lala and Alma to turn toward him. "What's going on?"

Lala was the first to say anything. "I was just asking if something was wrong because _someone_ ," She emphasized, throwing an exasperated look in Alma's direction, "Is acting like a jerk-"

Alma scoffed. "Maybe if you weren't so _annoying_ , then I wouldn't have to."

"Alma!" Lala cried, clearly upset by the way Alma was acting.

Alma didn't seem to care though, and very abruptly pushed pashed Lala causing her to stumble back. Kanda nearly saw red.

Without warning, Kanda grabbed Alma's arm roughly and yanked him back. He was seething at this point, and just about ready to break something. Kanda's dark indigo eyes seemed to burn with a fury as he sought Alma's gaze, and gave a warning look to the other young man. "Apologize," Kanda ordered, not about to let Alma walk away after he practically _shoved_ passed Lala.

Alma's eyes shifted to Kanda, but the color didn't look like its familiar sky blue. Instead they appeared lighter, and reminded Kanda of frosted glass. Alma's glare did not weaken as he spoke. "To her, or to you?" Alma asked, giving Kanda a very pointed look. "Fine. I'm _sorry_ that last night happened."

For a second, Kanda froze. His breathing seemed to stop momentarily, and a look of shock flickered in his eyes. Kanda was quickly overcome with an unmistakable rage at the words though, and his gaze immediately darkened. "Alma, you better shut the hell up because you're _really_ fucking pushing it," Kanda growled, not yet letting go of Alma's arm.

Appearing completely unfazed, Alma rolled his eyes as jerked his arm out of Kanda's grasp. "Or _what_?" He asked, tone a taunting challenge.

Kanda's fist clenched. Was Alma _trying_ to bait him?

Lala looked anxiously in-between the two, and placed a hand on Kanda's arm as she tried to pull him away from Alma. "Hey, both of you knock it off!" She half-begged, half-scolded. Her large eyes were filled with trepidation at the animosity that seemed to be sparking between the two young men, as she clearly did not want anything to escalate.

There was a tense moment that passed between Alma and Kanda, with both young men staring intensely at each other. For a second it looked as either of them could snap, with both individuals glaring venomously at each other. Sparks were practically flying in between their gazes, with neither one of them acting as though they would back down.

Finally, Alma turned. He did so sharply, and with the sudden movement Kanda had just about been ready to punch the guy or something. However, Kanda merely kept his fist clenched, and watched as Alma stalked off.

As soon as Alma left, Kanda released a breath he had not realized that he had been holding. There was still adrenaline coursing through him from the anger that had been ignited from the whole interaction, though he was now feeling drained and unmistakably _low._

Kanda had not wanted to admit it, but Alma's words had _stung._ They had been like a jagged knife that had messily cut through Kanda's very core, ripping and tearing violently without any hint of mercy. _'Alma…'_

Uncertainly, Lala looked at Kanda, seeing his distant expression. There was a troubled look in her eyes. "Kanda…what did Alma mean about last night?" She asked, unable to conceal the concern that leaked into her voice. "Did…something happen?"

Kanda did his best to keep his expression neutral. He really did – however, his insides felt as though they were crumbling. "Nothing happened," He answered, his voice low and his words short. Kanda felt hollow though, and his mouth was feeling dry. _'Nothing…happened…'_

Swallowing the stabbing pain that seemed to be plaguing him, Kanda speedily focused his attention on Lala. "You ok?" He asked, his tone softer than it had been previously.

Lala nodded. "Yeah, I just…" She trailed off as she looked in the direction Alma had gone off in. "I've never seen him act that way before."

Kanda didn't really say anything to that at first, but a small frown appeared on his face. Before Lala had spoken, Kanda had started to consider that maybe Alma wasn't who he thought he was – but Lala had known Alma longer, and her words seemed to challenge his theory.

Curiously, Kanda looked at Lala. "So…this is a first time?"

Lala looked back at Kanda. "Well….yeah. Alma is usually so sweet. I've never even heard him ever raise his voice really. But I don't know _what's_ going on with him," She replied, before looking warily at Kanda. "I mean I just asked him if he was ok. He looked so _…_ " She trailed off again, shaking her head. "I mean he just didn't look _well_. I'm worried about him."

Lala's words lingered in Kanda's ears. It didn't change the fact that he was _livid_ after seeing the way Alma was behaving. The guy had extended far beyond bratty and just started acting like an _obnoxious asshole._ A cruel and obnoxious asshole. Just what was the deal even? Kanda had to admit, something definitely seemed _off_ though. Alma's behavior in general was just so….erratic. It seemed explosive and unpredictable, and was nothing like the lighthearted and cheerful demeanor he had come to be so familiar with.

 _'Lala's right though. He didn't…look good,'_ Kanda thought, thinking to how Alma actually _had_ looked pretty terrible. At first Kanda hadn't paid much attention to it, because he had just been so _pissed._ But he soon remembered the frigid iciness is Alma's eyes, and the dark circles that seemed to linger underneath. His skin had also looked unnaturally _white_ – where was the normal flush of color Alma usually had to his skin? Was he getting sick? What was _wrong_ with him?

Kanda's mind briefly flashed to the previously night. Alma had seemed…normal for the most part. He had seemed normal until…

 _'Until something pierced him…'_ Kanda thought, remembering how something had apparently gotten into Alma's eye. But surely it hadn't been _that_ that was causing such a stir, was it?

Damn it, if only Alma had let Kanda _look_ at the stupid thing…

"Hey, why are you carrying your bag around with you?" Lala asked suddenly, pulling Kanda from his thoughts. She then gasped somewhat loudly before continuing with a somewhat accusing tone, "You're not leaving yet, are you?"

Kanda silently cursed at Lala's words. Shit. This was what he had been _trying_ to avoid to begin with.

The silence seemed to confirm Lala's suspicions, and the tiny girl frowned before smacking Kanda on the arm. Her action actually caused Kanda to flinch slightly. "Kanda!" Lala scolded, though to Kanda her voice sounded whinier than anything else. "You can't leave today! Not before the winter festival!"

Exasperation filled Kanda. Crap, was he _never_ going to get out of this godforsaken village?

Quietly, Kanda sighed. "Lala…" Kanda began, not sure what all to say. At this point he was not even sure if he had the energy to argue. "I don't have _time_ for this. There's too much crap going on, and I have shit I need to do."

Indignantly, Lala placed her hands on her hips. "What do you mean there's too much going on?" She inquired, not hesitating to put Kanda on the spot. "Really, did something happen with you and Alma? Is that what this is about?"

"What?! No!"

Lala pouted. "Kanda, _please_ don't go yet!" Lala begged. "Please? Stay at least for the festival? It wasn't as fun without you last year!"

Kanda was prepared to shoot down Lala. He really was. Some silly little event just was _not_ on Kanda's priority list. However, Lala was giving Kanda this look was just just…ugh. Kind of pathetically heartbreaking? She looked like a baby bird that had just been kicked aside, and it reminded Kanda of the looks Lala had given him when they were kids and she wanted to play. As much as Kanda hated it, the dirty tactic seemed to be working.

Trying to ignore the grimace that was threatening to appear on his face, Kanda responded. "I'll stay until your performance," He said, hoping the proposition would get Lala to back down a little. "But I'm heading out _after._ "

At first, Lala didn't look too pleased, but her expression softened. She realized this would probably be the most she would get out of Kanda. "Okay," She agreed, finally seeming content.

Lala then glanced behind Kanda with a curious look. "Weren't you with someone earlier?" She asked, looking back at Kanda. "Before you came over, it looked like you were talking to someone."

Blinking, Kanda suddenly recalled the stranger. He had completely forgotten about the man until Lala had said anything, but Kanda still turned back. He didn't see the stranger anywhere.

Returning his gaze to Lala, Kanda brushed it off. "It was just someone here for the festival," Kanda explained. "That's all."

Lala nodded, accepting the answer with ease. Kanda was different though; while he may have appeared nonchalant about the man, he couldn't erase the unease the man had caused him, nor could he forget those startlingly strange golden eyes.

Nor could he forget Alma's. Alma's unnaturally cold eyes. 

* * *

Alma was quick to get out of the village. It was far too busy. He didn't like the crowdedness of it all, and he detested the noise. Everywhere Alma had turned there had been an annoying surplus of people bustling about like a flurry of annoying insects, and all for some stupid _winter festival._ Seriously, what was the point even? The whole thing seemed dumb and unnecessary, and the energy caused by the ruckus had only aggravated Alma.

Crossing paths with Lala hadn't helped. If anything, it had only made the experience of venturing into town _worse_. For whatever reason Alma had been really unwilling to talk to her; he honestly had not understood it himself. In the past he talked to Lala frequently, but hell, had she always been so _irritating_? Alma had found himself wondering how he even had managed to put up with her blabbering for so long. Then, as if the babble of chatter hadn't been enough of a nuisance, Lala had started poking Alma by endless inquiring as to whether or not he was _fine_.

Alma was still gritting his teeth over the whole exchange. What the hell was with everyone thinking something was wrong with him? Was it that much of a shocker he didn't always feel up to being stupidly happy? Honestly, Alma didn't even have anything to be happy about – so why should he wear some fake smile and nod his head dumbly in an agreeable manner to everyone he spoke to?

None of these people really knew Alma – none of these people really _cared_. People were wretched and only cared about making themselves happy. Lala only ever wanted to talk to people about her silly arias or when she needed something. Suman was similar. And Kanda…

Alma's memory filled with Kanda's image, and he thought of the way Kanda had looked back there in the village. He had mostly appeared angry, though for a moment Alma had thought he had caught a glimpse of shock in Kanda's expression when he had made the dig about the night before. _'Good,'_ Alma had thought, _'Let him be shocked. Let him be upset. He deserves it.'_

Out of everyone, Kanda had been the worst. Kanda had toyed with Alma's emotions, and not even blinked an eye. He had strung Alma along that previous night, despite planning to leave. Despite planning to leave _Alma_. Just as everyone else Alma ever cared for had.

Alma's heart clenched painfully.

Alma had never had anything stable in his life, or anyone for that matter. He had no idea how he had ended up alone in Madrid. He had no idea if his parents had simply not wanted him, or if they were dead. Either situation was plausible, and both were terrible. Being taken in had helped in that Alma had a better chance of surviving – but the prejudices of being associated with gypsies had left its mark. Alma had become a part of a category without ever truly belonging, and without any sense of history.

It was true that his gypsy family had taken mercy on him, but the world was so cruel that even Alma had not been allowed to be with them for long. He had still been a child when they all unexpectedly _vanished_. Though, Alma assumed they were dead. He had to, because the thought of them leaving him of their own will – no matter how irrational – was simply too painful to bear.

Perhaps Alma was just meant to be alone.

Walking through the snow, Alma glanced up at the sky. It was a smoky gray, and it looked ugly.

He had not actually gotten materials to repair the window, he realized. Alma groaned. "Damn," He muttered. Alma had gotten so distract by the annoying crowds and the whole incident with Lala and Kanda that he had apparently completely blanked on the reason he had gone to the village to begin with.

 _'Whatever,'_ Alma thought, not about to turn back to the village _now_. _'I'll repair the stupid window later.'_

A twig snapped, and Alma stopped. The noise had come from off the path he was walking, and he turned to look. Alma's eyes scanned the area, though he saw nothing through the snowy trees surrounding him.

Alma shook his head. It must have been an animal or something.

Out of the corner of his eye, a shadow moved. Startled, Alma turned once more. No, he definitely hadn't imagined _that_ , had he? Suddenly feeling nervous, Alma's heart began to race. The shadow had been tall, and looked like the outline of a person. But, when Alma tried to look closely into the trees he saw no one.

An icy chill spilled through Alma. He didn't like this. He didn't like this feeling he had.

A sharp stab of pain tore through Alma's head, and the suddenness of the trauma nearly caused him to cry out. His vision flickered, and Alma grabbed his head. "Fuck!" He cursed, his balance swaying. The pain did not cease though, and Alma felt lightheaded; his lungs felt incredibly frail, and his balance was off. _'Not this again...!'_

Gasping for air, Alma fell to his knees. He hardly noticed the coldness of the snow, and his lungs shuddered in his chest, desperate for air. His body felt strangely hot, despite the frosty temperature of outside, and everything seemed to be _burning._ Feverishly so.

Vision blurring, Alma tried to lift his head. However, the world spun as he attempted to do so, and he had to repress the instinct to purge.

A few painfully long moments passed before Alma could be certain he wasn't going to throw up. His head was still pulsating with pain, and his whole body was aching tremendously, but his vision was still semi-working. Blearily, Alma blinked as he looked to the side to where he had thought he had seen something moving earlier. Another shadow flickered.

"Wh-who's there!?" Alma called out, trying to get up. He was unsuccessful as he fell back down almost immediately.

The shadow moved again, and appeared to be coming closer. Alma tried to focus on who the person was.

But soon the world became one of darkness, as Alma lost consciousness. 

* * *

Tiedoll was in a panic.

Alma's behavior had been unsettling. It was not even that Tiedoll had never seen Alma act in such a way, or that he was not used to it. There had been a distinctive _energy_ to Alma that Tiedoll had been unable to put his finger on. He had not been certain of it, but it had bothered him and left him deeply unnerved – an anxious feeling that had only deepened it its intensity when Tiedoll had discovered the pentacles burned into the windowsill.

Tiedoll's expression was somber. Pentacles were not a good sign. Pentacles were ominous, and foretold of the presence of an _akuma_.

An akuma had been present at some point. Tiedoll was certain of that much. There was no other explanation, and the pentacles were formed too distinctively. Even with the way they had apparently been nearly scratched out, Tiedoll had recognized the acidic markings, as foreboding as ever.

Upon drawing these conclusions, Tiedoll had been left with a series of questions. Where was the akuma? When had it actually been at the church? Had Alma seen something? Had that been why Alma had been acting so strangely?

Tiedoll's head was swimming. Something wasn't adding up. If an akuma had shown up…the chances of Alma having survived would've been slim. Not impossible, but the gruesome reality is that no akuma would leave a human alive unless the akuma had just missed them entirely.

Tiedoll pulled his coat closely as he walked along the path. It was getting dark, but he wanted to speak to Marie. It would be tedious to find him in the village given the festivities going on, but Tiedoll wasn't about to be discouraged by any means. As he continued walking, Tiedoll's mind briefly wandered to wondering where Alma was at that moment – the boy had never returned to the church.

All of these thoughts continued to linger in Tiedoll's mind, before he finally arrived at the village. He had been able to hear the excitable chatter of people even a good distance away, with the sound of music filling the night and joyous laughter.

The village itself was a pretty sight. Decorative lanterns hung from balconies and out of windows, with silvery-golden glows that burned as though they were frosted flames. The air smelled of pine of hot cinnamon, and where there weren't lanterns there were ivory candles burning in the windows of homes to illuminate the wintry night. Vendors were selling more festive, seasonal trinkets to celebrate the solstice while attracting some spectators who were from out of town, and in the village square an area had been set up for different musicians and performers to use.

It typically was a time Tiedoll liked to enjoy. He liked the jovial atmosphere and the merriment of it all. However, he found himself skimming the area for any signs of Marie, all while politely greeting people when necessary.

A familiar head of dark hair caught Tiedoll's eye though.

Surprise flashing over his features, Tiedoll quickly approached Kanda. The younger man had been turned around, and was apparently watching the stage for whatever performance was next. Tiedoll grabbed Kanda's shoulder, and pulled him back slightly.

Kanda jumped at being touched so suddenly, and whirled around, looking as though he were ready to attack whoever it was that had grabbed him. His dark blue eyes landed on Tiedoll, with recognition filling them before they were overcome by annoyance. "What the hell?" Kanda asked. "What are you doing?"

"I thought you left," Tiedoll expressed, with the confusion spilling into his tone.

Kanda rolled his eyes. "I am after this," He said, pointing back to the stage, "Freakin' Lala was going to have a fit if I didn't at least watch her."

Tiedoll glanced at the stage, and sure enough Lala had come on next with her lyre.

The crowd that had gathered quieted, as they all awaited for Lala to begin her performance. Tiedoll glanced at Kanda, who looked like he didn't want to talk. The young man had distinctly turned from Tiedoll, and seemed intent on just focusing on the stage.

With the silence overtaking the spectators, Lala softly began her song, with the lyrics slow and undeniably ethereal. Her voice was almost entirely different as she sang, with her vocal chords becoming the instrument of something that could only be described as heavenly.

Despite it being mid-performance, Tiedoll found he could not keep what he had learned from Kanda though, and once again pulled Kanda close. "Kanda," Tiedoll whispered, "Listen to me. There is something wrong with Alma."

Kanda turned to Tiedoll abruptly, with his eyes flashing venomously. "Yeah – I noticed. What's wrong is that he's a fucking asshole," Kanda hissed back quietly.

Tiedoll scowled. He didn't understand why Kanda was still being so vicious toward Alma, unless something had happened that Tiedoll was unaware of. But Tiedoll didn't have time to dwell on that.

Trying to keep his voice down as Lala was still singing, Tiedoll continued to whisper. "That's not what I meant and you know it," He spoke quietly, before pausing. His insides twisted before he even could get the words out. "I spoke to Alma this morning. His window was broken, and there were pentacles on the windowsill."

This seemed to catch Kanda's attention. Uncertainty sparking in Kanda's eyes, his expression soon melted into a frown. "What do you mean?" He asked lowly. On the inside Kanda could feel his heart tighten. Pentacles meant…

"I mean there was an akuma there," Tiedoll explained. "I think something may have happened involving Alma. I don't know what yet – but there's something _not right_ with him."

Kanda stiffened. What the _hell_ was Tiedoll getting at? "What the fuck do you mean something _isn't right_?" He asked, trying to keep his voice down.

Tiedoll sighed, shaking his head. "It's just…the way he's been acting. He was acting almost…aggressively. And the window. He said the wind broke it, but the glass was outside, signifying it was broken from _within_. I'm not sure what it is, but something must have happened last night."

Lala's song was coming to an end at that point, and the crowd began to applause once it ended. The noise was a mere buzz in Kanda's ears as he found himself consumed by Tiedoll's words.

Once again, Kanda recalled something piercing Alma's eye. Just what the hell had it been?

Tiedoll watched as Kanda's expression became thoughtful, and he frowned. "Kanda, what is it? Do you know something?"

Kanda opened his mouth to answer, but was briefly distracted when the crowd quieted again. Glancing back at the stage, he was surprised to see Guzol on one knee in front of Lala, who looked as though she were about to start crying tears of joy. She nodded her head eagerly, and the two embraced, earning another round of applause.

 _'Alma would have been happy for them. He would have wanted to be here,'_ Kanda realized.

"Tell Lala I said congratulations," Kanda said stiffly, before he started to weave through the crowd.

Tiedoll took Kanda by the arm, stopping him. "Kanda, where are you going?" Tiedoll questioned, his words sharp. Was Kanda seriously still going to try to _leave_?

Scowling slightly, Kanda yanked his arm out of Tiedoll's grasp. "I'm going to find Alma," He answered, his words somewhat rough.

Before Tiedoll could say anymore, Kanda rushed off into the crowd. 

* * *

Alma blinked open his eyes. His head was pounding, and his body felt as though it had been thrown into a wall. He was lying on his back, but he wasn't in his bed – no, where was he? It was cold, and it was dark, and the ground beneath him felt icy and wet. _'Snow,'_ Alma silently realized, _'I'm lying outside in the snow.'_

Groaning, Alma tried to sit up. His vision spun as he attempted such though, and he nearly crashed back into the ground. Alma grimaced – why was it such a battle to function normally?

There was a chuckle off to the side, and Alma's eyes widened. Was something there? Again, Alma tried to sit up. He had to go slowly though, and use his elbows to prop himself up as he looked around.

"Easy there," The voice said, "Or you'll get dizzy again."

Turning, Alma's eyes finally landed on the speaker: a man leaning against a tree with his arms crossed. His skin was dark, and his long, dark hair was pulled back as several loose curls framed his face. Golden eyes, beautifully terrifying, peered at Alma keenly.

Alma instantly felt his body go tense. "Who are you?" He asked, his words wary. He was trying to stand at this point, and had just barely managed to do so, although his legs felt as though they could give out at any moment.

The man smirked as he cocked his head to the side. His arms still folded across his chest, he eyed Alma for a few seconds before finally answering. "Tyki."

Before Alma could find a way to respond, the man – Tyki – continued. "I have to say I'm impressed. You're really trying to fight that shard's influence."

Hearing this, Alma frowned. "What are you talking about?" He questioned, his tone agitated. He didn't like the way Tyki was looking at him, nor did he like the way Tyki was speaking. _'What does he mean by shard?'_

Somewhat absently, Tyki twirled a strand of his hair around his finger. "You know. The one that nearly poked your eye out last night," He explained with an almost devious smile. "It was your eye it got, wasn't it? It's why you're taking longer to transition probably."

Alma's blood felt cold. No – it felt _hot_. Shit, why was his body feeling so hot again? He should have been _freezing_ with having been lying out in the cold.

Shaking his head, Alma glared at the strange man. Alma didn't know what was going on, and he wasn't sure how this guy knew that something had unexpectedly pierced Alma's eye the night before. But it made Alma uneasy and jittery, and Alma's flight instinct was beginning to kick in. "You're crazy," Alma muttered, before starting to walk away.  
As Alma turned, he was suddenly faced with Tyki. Alma nearly shouted, completely thrown off by the man's sudden appearance. "The hell!?" Alma exclaimed. _'H-How did he just appear like that!?'_

Tyki smiled, yet it was anything but comforting. The way his eyes gleamed seemed deadly, and Alma felt as though he were caught in the gaze of a viper, leaving him paralyzed. The throbbing had returned to his head, and Alma winced, his body beginning to ache sharply once more.

"Let's see how far that dark matter has spread," Tyki spoke, before taking his hand and lightly placing it onto Alma's chest, where he then slowly began to press inward.

Where he then slowly began to press inward, so that his hand went _into_ Alma's chest.

Alma's eyes widened, and his body went rigid. He wondered if maybe this was some twisted dream he was having, with this strange man's hand actually inside his body. _'That's….not possible…'_ Alma tried to tell himself, though he could not tear his eyes away from the dark arm that was reaching into his chest. It was surreal; he wasn't….hurting from it, but it felt _weird._

A thoughtful look came over Tyki's face, as he seemed to be taking note of something. "Hm. It hasn't gotten to your heart yet," He observed, before smirking. "It's close though-"

A blade suddenly cut in-between Tyki and Alma. Tyki jumped back, with shock on his face as Alma nearly staggered. The motion nearly caused Alma to collapse to the ground completely as the world threatened to spin once more. _'What was that…!?'_ Alma wondered, before his eyes focused, which widened once he recognized who it was.

Kanda was currently blocking off Alma, and facing Tyki. In his hands he gripped a long sword, which Alma recognized as the one Kanda had been carrying with him when they first met. "Yuu-" Alma started, but stopped abruptly as a sharp pain started in his chest.

Kanda's back was to Alma, so he was completely focused on the stranger in front of him. Glaring fiercely, Kanda gripped Mugen, his eyes blazing with rage. He had recognized the strange man from earlier, and after having caught sight of the man _sticking his fucking arm_ into Alma…Kanda had sorely regretted not slashing the man to pieces earlier.

Indigo eyes locking with gold, Kanda glowered. "What the _fuck_ were you doing to him?" Kanda snarled, wondering if this _bastard_ was the reason Alma had been acting up.

Tyki blinked, appearing surprised by the hateful tone Kanda was using. He then tapped his chin, appearing more annoyed than intimidated. "I'm sorry," Tyki drawled, "Was it any of your business really? I mean, you did rudely _cut in_ just now."

Kanda growled lowly. He was not in the mood to be _taunted._ "What did you do, _akuma_?"

Grinning, Tyki looked at Kanda teasingly. "Is that what you think I am? An _akuma?_ " He taunted, his words light as he laughed. "Sorry, I'm not."

Grip tightening onto his weapon, Kanda's body tensed. Was this freak messing with him? _'He just put his_ hand _into Alma – what the fuck else could he be!?'_

There was a sudden cry of pain that entered Kanda's ears, and the sound of a dull thud occurring. Kanda turned, his breath catching in his throat as he saw Alma down on the ground, kneeling and clutching at his chest as though he were in pain. Alma's face was scrunched up in agony, with his eyes shut tightly as he grimaced.

Turning back to Tyki, Kanda all but killed him right there. However, he restrained himself, gritting his teeth as he barely got his words out. "What did you _do_ to him?" Kanda hissed, his eyes filled with fiery rage.

Tyki placed a hand on his hip nonchalantly, with a small smirk on his lips. "Technically, I didn't really do anything," He answered simply, before his smirk widened. "Your little friend was well on his way to becoming an akuma already. So why don't you let me take him off your hands for you, eh?"

The color drained from Kanda's face, and his heart dropped. _'No,'_ He thought. No….there….there was no way. No _way_ that…

Kanda's shoulders shook. "Bull _shit_ ," Kanda growled, his voice low yet seething.

An amused gleam danced in Tyki's eyes, with pleasure lingering in his smile. "Oh?" He pressed, not at all wary of taunting the exorcist further. "It's true. The shard that pierced him contained dark matter – specially the essence from a previous akuma," He explained with a grin. "It's already almost to his heart, so you might as well let me take him unless you just want to do away with him yourself-"

Tyki stopped abruptly as he had to jump back, with Kanda's sword nearly slashing into him. Glaring, Tyki dodged as Kanda attempted to swing the blade at him. Frustrated, Tyki jumped backward again, landing on his feet.

Not deterred, Kanda made a run for it, and swung again; he barely managed to slice the stranger's arm. Kanda felt a tinge of satisfaction when he saw the grimace on the man's face. However, the victory was short lived as the man smiled, with his wound slowly closing up.

"Not bad," Tyki complimented, "But you're going to have to try a lot harder than that."

Kanda sneered. "Go to hell!" He said, charging once more when-

 _Sear._

A sharp pain pierced Kanda's core, and his dominant hand suddenly burned. Staggering, Kanda stopped his attack, his breath somewhat haggard as he bent down slightly. _'Fuck,'_ He silently cursed, the pain sharp and unanticipated. His right arm felt shaky, and while the pain in his core was subsiding it was now feeling sore and tender.

Curiously, Tyki looked at Kanda. While Kanda was gathering himself, the other man walked over to where he was in front of Kanda. Eyes interested, Tyki once more reached out his hand, before he pressed forward into Kanda's core. Kanda immediately stiffened, his face paling from the sudden contact.

For a second, Tyki said nothing. He raised a brow though, and soon a slow smile spread onto his face. "Well," He started, his voice filled with intrigue, "You really forced that innocence to synchronize, didn't you?"

Kanda stiffened, and his body remained tense. _'Mugen…'_

The wind picked up, briefly distracting both Tyki and Kanda. Face falling into a frown, Tyki retracted his hand and stood, his eyes looking upward toward the sky. "Damn," He muttered, "She's here."

Looking over, Kanda stood up straight. She?

The wind became harsher, and more tumultuous. Kanda could feel his ponytail whip around him. Icy bits of snow thrashed through the air, and Kanda had to close his eyes briefly. He opened them after a few seconds, and through the snow he could make out the silhouette of someone in the distance. The silhouette of a woman.

She approached slowly, appearing through the snow as though she were some ghostly apparition. Kanda noticed that the snow almost appeared to swirl _around_ her, as though it were an icy shroud of silk and frozen gossamer. He could hardly make out her features at first, but as she came closer Kanda's vision was able to focus on her more.

Her skin white, she looked as though she were carved from ivory. Smooth, perfect, _cold_ ivory. She was dressed in some kind of gown – something eastern, and something that was so foreign and yet familiar to Kanda. What was it about that style that seemed so familiar? Her hair was long, and the color of melted onyx while being ornamented with two golden hair pieces; short bangs framed her face, and her eyes…they were dark, and brown, but they were so _cold_.

With an unnatural grace, she stopped, before looking in Kanda and Tyki's direction. Daintily, she waved her hand in a swift motion, and a sharp gust of icy wind instantly threw both Kanda and Tyki back. Kanda slammed against a tree and grunted, his head pulsating from the blow. Vision blurring, Kanda attempted to re-focus. His eyes nearly widened when he saw the woman kneeling beside Alma, who had since fallen to the ground unconscious.

"Alma!" Kanda shouted, before trying to stand. However, the woman looked at him, and another icy blast of wind threw Kanda back.

Tyki glared at the woman. "To hell with this – that one is a goner," He cursed.

"What are you talking about!?" Kanda shouted, his eyes flashing in Tyki's direction. Kanda returned his attention to where Alma was as the wind picked up though, with the snow becoming so thick that Kanda could hardly see. _'Damn this…!'_

The air howled, and ice whipped through the air. The sound was shrill.

Suddenly, it stopped.

Kanda opened his eyes. He didn't see the woman. He didn't see Alma.

Quickly, Kanda turned. Tyki was still there. Not giving a shit what the man was, Kanda grabbed him by the shirt. "Where did she take him!?" He snarled, just about reading to rip Tyki to shreds himself.

Tyki was unfazed, and simply pulled Kanda's hand off him, his own grip unnaturally strong. "Doesn't matter. He's as good as dead now," Tyki mumbled, before sighing. "Lord Millennium won't be pleased…"

Quickly, Tyki jumped back into the air before looking back at Kanda. "Seriously, don't even bother thinking about it – it's just one less akuma for you exorcists to worry about!"

Glaring, Kanda shouted. "What the fuck!? Damn it, tell me where they went!"

Tyki just grinned though, and disappeared.

The world became silent.

Kanda's breaths were the only noise. His heart thudding in his chest was all he could feel. His body felt numb, and icy. His right arm hurt.

He fell to his knees, as the wash of shock began to settle over him.

Kanda was alone. And Alma was gone. 

* * *

**A/N:** Holy hell this chapter ended up being like...over 10,000 words long? Like what the hell am I doing with my life even?

This was one of those chapters that just...sort of snowballed though. Maybe because up until the last chapter or so it was all pretty much setting up the foundation for the story, and now all this crazy shit is going down. Originally, I didn't even know if the actual part with the Snow Queen would make it into this chapter, because I knew if it did it would be a viciously long chapter - but hey, there it is. Is it obvious who the Snow Queen character is? I mean to me it is, but maybe not to everyone. XD For those of you who recognized her, I'm pointing out now there is an actual reason I selected her, and it is going to have significance with the plot later on. (Plus I love this character so much and HAD to use her)

But yeah. There are a lot of things I could babble on with regarding this chapter, because SO. MUCH. HAPPENS. And I'm still a bucket of emotions from writing it, even though it was a bit ago I started working on this chapter. I will say Alma is probably one of the more intense characters to write, probably because 1.) He's actually my favorite character in all of DGM. And 2.) now I get to go into the whole "infected mirror shard" element from Snow Queen, and tie that into a fun akuma transition. But like I've said previously - that doesn't mean this story will be a tragedy. My heart can't handle keeping Kanda and Alma separated because I diehard ship them too much, and am determined to give them a happy ending for once. Somehow.

Hope you guys all enjoyed this chapter! Please leave reviews if you can (and if criticism please make it constructive). I know it's a lot, but it really does help me in knowing how the story seems to be progressing to outside perspectives. Plus it lights a fire under my ass to write more since I know people are actually still reading. And if you have any questions or just want to talk about an element you like/dislike and why, I'm open to discussing that as well. ^^ I also am just open to talking DGM with people period. XD

Much love! 3


	11. The Absence of Warmth

**Lotus in the Snow (Snow Queen AU)**

 **Chapter Ten**  
 _The Absence of Warmth_

The door slammed, practically causing the walls to rattle. Tiedoll immediately rushed into the main living area in alarm, only to see a very _livid_ Kanda walking in. There was a dark look on the young man's face, and his fists were clenched; his innocence, Mugen, was still being gripped tightly in Kanda's right hand. Kanda was grasping the weapon so tightly that it almost appeared as though his hand were shaking.

Tiedoll approached him. "Kanda, what happened? You just ran off!"

Kanda's gaze swiftly turned to Tiedoll, before he looked away. His jaw was tight, and his throat felt as though it had closed up.

It almost felt as though a pressure were weighing down on Kanda's chest. There was a heaviness there, as though blocks of stone and lead had been left to slowly crush his lungs until he could breathe no more. He could feel Tiedoll's eyes on him – was Tiedoll still saying something? Kanda wasn't paying attention, and images of snow flying around in the darkness left icy scorches in his mind, and echoes of the howling wind distantly screamed in Kanda's ears. And Alma…

" _Kanda!_ "

Kanda was pulled from his thoughts as he felt a tight grip on his shoulders, and snapped back to reality. Tiedoll was practically shaking him in an attempt to get his attention. "Kanda, snap out of it and answer me!" Tiedoll implored, with exasperation trickling into his tone. "Did you find anything? I came back here to try to find you or Alma, but couldn't find anyone!"

Chest still tight, Kanda struggled to find the words. It was unusually difficult to look Tiedoll in the eye, and Kanda found himself repeatedly avoiding the older man's gaze. Kanda knew he would have to speak at some point though. Tiedoll would never leave him be if he didn't.

Blue eyes shifting to Tiedoll, Kanda held the man's gaze for a second before averting his eyes once more. He didn't want to say it, but the words finally came, painful and hollow. "Alma's gone," Kanda said, his voice low and quiet.

Tiedoll's eyes widened, and his grip loosened on Kanda. The man could feel his heart crack as the words settled in. "Kanda…"

In all the years Tiedoll had raised Kanda, he could honestly say that he had never seen Kanda look so….broken before. Not since that winter's night, where Kanda had lost his parents at least. The young man before him who was usually so stubborn and persevering now seemed tired and worn. There was an uncanny vacancy in Kanda's eyes, with sprinkles of vicious pain and dejection – nothing like the normal, stormy determination that so often brewed in those eyes.

To Tiedoll, it was a devastating sight.

Then, there was Alma. Alma who according to Kanda was "gone." Gone of course could have meant many things – although, in this case Tiedoll could not be optimistic. His heart filled with mournful agony at the knowledge of something having happened to the sweet boy that Tiedoll had come to know within the past six months. Despite the past 24 hours, Alma had always been kind and never harmed anyone; he went out of his way to help others, and always did such with a bright smile on his face. The thought of anything happening to him…it was a cruel thought.

"Tiedoll," Kanda started suddenly, his voice stiff. "I need you to tell me…anything you know about the akuma. That you haven't told me yet."

Tiedoll nodded. He had to fight the moisture that was threatening to collect in his eyes, and focused. Tiedoll was not certain as to how Kanda was trying to process this….tragedy, really. But Tiedoll could not refrain from consoling Kanda, even if just in the form of answering what he could for Kanda. By this point Tiedoll had learned keeping information from the boy never turned out well anyhow.

"There is not much that you don't already know – you learned fairly early on about what akuma are," He explained wanly. "They are the demons created from the souls of those who were called back after their time came, and made from the skins of those who tried to call them. It is why the akuma so frequently show up after a death has taken place."

Kanda listened. This information was nothing new to him; he had known this for years. It had been key in helping him track down akuma as well, since they did always seem to show up whenever a death had taken place. An akuma was not created unless someone tried to cheat death, to bring back someone who had been taken from this life and into the next. The results were horrendous, and the details of just _how_ the souls were called back were foggy still. Kanda and Daisya had never actually witnessed the formation of an akuma on their travels.

"Is there any other way?" Kanda asked suddenly, his words steady. He saw Tiedoll's somewhat bewildered expression though, and Kanda clarified. "Is there any other way an akuma is formed?"

Tiedoll appeared somewhat surprised by the inquiry, but paused thoughtfully. After a pensive moment he frowned slightly, and shook his head. "No, not that I have come across. Why do you ask?"

Kanda grew quiet, but his mind began to race. The strange man – no, that _monster_ , Kanda silently corrected – had said that Alma…

 _"Your little friend was well on his way to becoming an akuma already."_

 _'No,'_ Kanda thought, shaking his head slightly. No, he fucking _refused_ to believe that shit. It was impossible – according to what Tiedoll was saying, there was no way Alma could become a…

Kanda couldn't even bring himself to think the word.

Taking a breath, Kanda knew he had to ask though. He had to be sure. "So…you don't know anything about dark matter being used?" Kanda asked, his words strangely cautious.

Tiedoll frowned slightly. "Dark matter…?" He repeated, not appearing familiar with the term. "Kanda, do you mean the energy and essence in akumas? It's poisonous. Any exposure a person has to it whether through an akuma's blood or the fumes of their bodies even could release a virus that will kill them within minutes. There's no way a person could even _survive_ long enough for such a theory to be plausible."

Kanda's insides twisted. He wasn't sure how this information made him feel. On one end, he was relieved to think that Alma would…would at least be human. Would at least be normal. _'Had that bastard been screwing with me?'_ Kanda silently wondered, questioning if that….crap, what the hell had that man _been?_ He had indicated he was no akuma, but the stranger clearly had not been _human_.

Noticing Kanda's pensive frown, Tiedoll spoke gently. "Kanda….what happened? Please, I can't help unless you tell me," He emphasized, with genuine concern in his eyes.

Kanda closed his eyes and exhaled as he tried to rid himself of the frustration he was feeling. The frustration. The anger. The _shock_ – everything still felt as though it had barely happened. Everything felt as though it had been a nightmare. Because it couldn't have happened – Alma _couldn't_ be gone.

But…he was.

The realization sunk even more deeply into Kanda, and he felt sick. He swallowed, trying to ignore the tickle of bile he thought he could taste in the back of his throat as he kept his eyes closed. Kanda had to remind himself to breathe. "There was…something. A man if you want to call him that I guess," Kanda started, unable to conceal the venomous distaste in his voice. "He wasn't human, but he said he wasn't an akuma. I found him with Alma."

Kanda paused, but he could feel Tiedoll's gaze on him. Kanda hated this.

Keeping his eyes averted, Kanda continued. "He was doing something to Alma when I got there….I don't know what though. But before I could fucking rip him to shreds, some woman showed up," He explained, before stopping for a moment. _'A strange woman with long dark hair who disappeared into the snow…'_ He recalled, as his mind flickered back to what he had learned just a few days prior.

Suddenly, Kanda's gaze turned to Tiedoll. His blue eyes were sharp and piercing, and a dark look loomed in his gaze. "It was that snow woman who made those other people disappear. And she definitely _was_ an akuma."

Tiedoll said nothing at first. However, there was a surprised look in his eyes. "Are you sure?" He asked. "Are you sure it was-"

" _Yes,_ I'm sure!" Kanda snapped. He threw a glare in Tiedoll's direction. "It was her. And she took Alma."

Kanda closed his mouth and turned his head away. He felt the sudden need to calm to the flurry of emotions that had just spiked through his body. Every muscle in his body felt tense, and his heart rate felt as though it were racing causing his chest to tremble.

Struggling to keep his composure, Kanda had to force his next words out stiffly. "Those men that came last winter – those _Bookmen,_ " Kanda began, practically having to spit out the unfamiliar name with irritation., "They didn't say anything they knew about the disappearances? Or about this akuma? Shit, they had to have known _something_ , right!?"

Tiedoll didn't answer right away, and Kanda felt his impatience grow. " _Fuck_ , something's going on! You said that one of the people who vanished had been acting really hostile, hadn't you? As in similar to how Alma was acting?" Kanda questioned, unable to keep his voice calm as the vehemence poured into it. Then, before Tiedoll could speak, Kanda seemed to lose himself, and grabbed the man's shirt as he nearly shook Tiedoll. "Damn it, Tiedoll, I need to know what they said!"

Tiedoll was completely caught off guard by the way in which Kanda grabbed him, and out of reflex he clasped his hands onto Kanda's wrists to prevent the young man from shaking him further. Eyes narrowing slightly, Tiedoll yanked Kanda's grasp off of him as he continued to hold Kanda's wrists tightly, looking him dead in the eye.

"Christ, boy, get a hold of yourself!" Tiedoll scolded sharply. He could understand grief – he could understand _shock._ But heavens, Kanda was practically losing control of himself. If Tiedoll didn't get him to calm down soon, the young man would likely do something completely reckless.

Kanda froze, and seemed to realize what he was doing. Shame flickered in his dark blue eyes, and a tinge of gilt nipped at his heart. Biting the inside of his cheek, he looked away abruptly, for a second resembling a petulant child. He noticed his chest still felt unusually shaky, along with his hands, his shoulders, and his whole _body_ felt as though it were trembling. _'Alma…'_

All Kanda could think of was Alma. All Kanda could think about was Alma, and Alma's body weak and being invaded by that _monster_ who had surely done something to Alma. All Kanda could think about was Alma's body collapsing in the snow, and that woman looming over him, with Kanda just _watching_.

Kanda's heart cracked. He hadn't been able to stop it. He hadn't been able to stop the akuma.

He hadn't been able to save Alma.

Kanda hated himself. He hated himself for having let this happen. Kanda recalled how he had just run into Alma earlier that day too, bitter and resentful, but still _Alma_. _'I should have tried to talk to him,'_ Kanda realized in agony, _'I should have tried to find out what was wrong. I shouldn't have let him go off like that!'_

Why had Kanda been so blinded by his own anger? Why couldn't he have seen that Alma was in trouble sooner? Kanda should have known something was seriously wrong, and that Alma wasn't ok. He should have known the second Alma ceased to smile and ceased to laugh that something was crumbling within Alma, poisoning and hurting him in a way that Kanda had not even been aware of. _'Fuck, I wasn't even thinking of him…!'_

Tiedoll watched as Kanda's expression twisted in sorrow, and the man looked on with shock as he saw Kanda's eyes grow watery. He could not recall the last time he had seen Kanda in such a state, and his heart nearly broke on the spot.

Unexpectedly, Kanda's eyes looked to Tiedoll thus allowing the man to see how _devastated_ Kanda looked. But Kanda looked down, and shook his head, and for a second all Tiedoll could see was the eight-year-old boy he had found alone and traumatized on that cold winter night so many years ago.

Kanda took a shaky breath. He opened his mouth, and closed it, struggling to find the words. He looked lost, and his dark blue eyes were glassy. "I couldn't save him, Tiedoll," Kanda started, with his voice cracking slightly as he nearly choked up on his words.

Overcome with fatherly instinct, Tiedoll pulled Kanda in, and wrapped his arms tightly around him. "Sh," Tiedoll hushed, as he soothingly ran a hand across Kanda's back. "Sh…you did your best. You did what you could."

Tiedoll's words did little to comfort Kanda though, as the young man's heart continued to break. His best hadn't been good enough.

* * *

 _'It's…cold…'_

That was the first thing Alma had thought as he slowly returned to consciousness. It was cold, and it was dark. He was lying on something hard – was it the ground? It was slick, and it almost felt like ice. Gradually, Alma became more aware of his body; he was lying with his back on the ground somewhere, and he had been asleep. His eyes were closed, and that was why it was dark. Had he fallen asleep somewhere? He couldn't remember.

Slowly, Alma blinked his eyes open. He squinted as his vision came into focus, with his sight briefly blinded by the _brightness_ of where he was. Wherever his location was, everything was white and the light reflected off of it causing the area to momentarily appear blinding to Alma.

He winced as he struggled to focus, and brought a hand up to shield his eyes. Alma's attention immediately went to his hand though, as he noticed it…didn't look right.

 _'What the hell?'_

Eyes lingering on his hand, Alma looked. His skin for one looked pale – so pale it appeared unnatural, and reminded Alma of something akin to stone or marble. His nails were also sharp – had they always looked that way? No, they couldn't have – Alma's nails were always short since he worked with his hands so frequently. But now his nails appeared sharp and pointed, and reminded Alma of small, razor-like claws. What looked to be a fingerless glove also was covering Alma's hand; it was a strange shade of blue, and the bottom part seemed to cut into his wrist that made Alma question if his circulation was being impacted. However, Alma felt nothing.

Sitting up, Alma was still somewhat fixated on his hand. Was it a fabric covering his palm? He found himself reaching to touch it with his other hand, then paused momentarily when he realized his other hand looked the same. What was with these fingerless gloves he had on? Where had they come from?

The fingerless gloves didn't look natural. The bottom part where it cut off looked as though it were pinching deeply into Alma's wrist, and it made him uneasy to look at. Alma fingered the edge, attempting to pull off the material as he frowned. As Alma grasped a part of the blue tissue, he began to pry it off, and immediately hissed in pain. Why was it hurting so much?

Alma tried to pull again, and looked closely. Crap, it felt as though he were attempting to pull his own _skin_ off-

' _Wait.'_

Realization slowly began to dawn on Alma's expression as he brought his wrist up to his eyes so he could inspect it closely. A hybrid look of horror and shock poured out from his eyes.

Those weren't fingerless gloves – those were part of Alma's _flesh_.

Panic began to settle in, and Alma felt his breath quicken. Why did his hands look that way? It wasn't normal. It wasn't _right_.

Anxiety continued to wash over Alma, and for a moment it felt as though his lungs were refusing to work properly. He didn't know what was going on, and he had no idea where he was. Alma was suddenly very afraid to look at any other part of his body – what would he see if he looked in a mirror? Was he still Alma? Or was he something else? With how unsettling the sight of his hands were, Alma dreaded the possibility of what the rest of his body may have looked like.

His breathing was refusing to slow down, and Alma thought he was maybe going to hyperventilate. Silently, he tried to will himself to calm down. _'Calm down,'_ He told himself, ' _Just…calm down…'_

Taking a deep breath, Alma tried to ignore the fear that was now snaking into his core. He shakily brought his hands up to his face and started to feel it. His nose, jaw, and chin all seemed to feel the same – he could even feel the smooth scar across his nose. He felt his ears – they seemed okay too. A small bit of relief passed over Alma, though he still trembled in nervousness. He exhaled.

Alma tried to focus his attention on his surroundings, and looked around. He appeared to be in a large room of some kind. It was empty, and vacant – there was no furniture, or anything really. All that remained were the high walls that seemed to tower over Alma. He looked up, surprised to see what appeared to be some kind of chandelier hanging; strands of what appeared to be diamonds hung down from it, crystalline and glimmering with…icicles?

 _'It's…all frozen…'_ Alma realized, as he looked around the room. Everything from the floors to the walls he realized was covered in layers of ice – heck, it all may have even _been_ ice. The floor just barely had enough friction so Alma could stand, which he was able to do with ease as his body felt oddly light. It was a drastic difference compared to how shaky he had felt previously before blacking out.

Alma continued to glance around the room. Crystalline pillars seemed to break up the space of the room, which was circular. The air was brisk and cold – although Alma noticed that he didn't feel uncomfortable physically. If anything, the temperature didn't appear to have any real effect on Alma's body. He knew it was cold, but he didn't feel as though he were _freezing_.

It was an odd sensation, but Alma didn't want to dwell on that. He began to look around the room, immediately noticing that there were no windows anywhere. There were just the white, iced-over walls, with patterns of snow and frost dancing along the surface of everything, sparkling like a thousand ivory gems.

Had Alma not been so scared and confused, he may have found it all beautiful.

Eventually, Alma's attention landed on the only object remaining in the room. It was toward the one of the walls, and stood on it's own. A gleaming frame of what looked to by crystal and glass stood, and reminded Alma of some kind of tear-drop shape. It was immensely detailed from what Alma could see, with an odd energy that felt to be pulsating from it. Without thinking, Alma gradually approached the frame, before his attention soon fell onto the pile of glass that was next to the frame.

 _'No, that's not just glass…'_ Alma, realized as he knelt down to look closely at them.

Those were _mirror shards_.

"You're awake."

The voice broke through the silence, and Alma turned. He was still kneeling beside the pile of mirror shards, but could see the speaker clearly. A woman stood there, still and graceful as though she were some kind of ethereal creature. Alma was honestly caught off guard by how _stunning_ the woman's appearance was; her skin looked as though it had been carved with ivory, and was flecked with speckles of ice. Her lips were dark though – dark like a cool, frosted crimson. Eyes of frosted ink peered at Alma, making him still; he could hardly moved he was so transfixed by those eyes.

The woman's expression was unreadable, and Alma felt nervous. Unable to look away, he noticed that she too appeared…abnormal. She was mostly covered with a strangely styled dress that Alma had never seen the likes of before, with long, wide sleeves that trailed to the ground and a thick band of fabric wrapped around her waist. She also wore a headpiece that appeared odd and foreign to Alma; it split into two halves that extended out to the side, and a long tassel of frosted golden thread tumbled out from each end. Alma saw how it helped to emphasize her long, jet-colored hair.

Alma found it difficult to moved. Even in her beauty, the woman made him uneasy. "Who're you?" Alma found himself asking, his words filled with wariness.

The woman did not answer Alma, and he felt a wave of anger flare up within him. She had just spoken – could she not answer his question?

Frowning, Alma's edginess spilled forward. "Can you at least tell me where this place is?" He questioned, his voice sounding irritable and agitated. "Why did you bring me here?"

Still, the woman did not respond. Alma felt his body tense, as though he were an animal ready to attack when she finally started to approach him. The woman's movements immediately caused Alma to freeze, as his heart thudded in his chest.

The woman walked over to where Alma was still kneeling, and she glanced down at the pile of shards soundlessly. Then, she turned to look at the empty frame. "It's broken," She spoke, her voice unnaturally melodic. "Can you fix it?"

Alma blinked, completely thrown off by the question. "What?" He repeated, not even sure if he had heard correctly. "You mean…"

Trailing off, Alma looked at the pile of mirror shards. Did the woman mean fixing the mirror?

Instantly frustrated by the notion, Alma turned his head sharply as he looked up at the woman. "No, that's impossible! There must be a thousand tiny pieces here!" He snapped, not sure how fixing some stupid mirror was even relevant to the fact that Alma had just woken up in some strange and unfamiliar place with some strange and unfamiliar woman.

Turning to Alma, the woman looked at him nonchalantly. Alma stiffened as the woman came close to Alma, and knelt beside him. Without warning, she then took Alma's hand, and stared at it. Alma tensed, and he noticed that the woman's hand also had an abnormal appearance – with her hands and fingers clenched at the joints with the bulk of her hands appearing metallic and silvery.

Alma's eyes lingered on the woman's long, smooth fingers. Her nails were sharper than Alma's, and she was lightly tracing the odd blue of Alma's hand. "You're becoming an akuma," She observed calmly. "Soon you'll be one fully."

The woman paused, and her eyes met Alma's. Alma felt his breath catch in his throat.

"I can slow the process, if you wish me to," The woman added.

Alma said nothing at first. He felt confused – what was an akuma? The word seemed vaguely familiar, but he could not recall just where he had heard it. Was it…some kind of monster?

A memory flashed in Alma's mind – the last memory he had before he blacked out. Faintly, Alma recalled being with that man – _Tyki_ , he had called himself – and then Kanda. And Kanda had called the man an akuma.

 _"What did you do,_ akuma _?"_

Alma now realized where he heard the word. Kanda had venomously accused Tyki of being one, and while Alma could not remember if Tyki had denied it or not he could remember that Tyki had not been ordinary. Tyki had been something inhuman, with abilities that made Alma want to shudder. The ghostly sensation of Tyki reaching into Alma's chest was haunting, and Alma nearly shivered at the memory. Was Tyki an akuma? Was Tyki a _monster_? Kanda had certainly thought so.

What would Kanda think if Alma were an akuma?

Alma's eyes flickered down to his hand that the woman was still holding, and his insides twisted. He didn't want to be a monster.

Mutely, Alma nodded his head. He didn't understand what was going on, but whatever an akuma was, he didn't want to be one. He wanted to just be normal.

The woman looked at Alma, with her expression neutral and devoid of any real emotion. With a gentle touch, she cupped the side of Alma's face with her other hand before she turned Alma so that he was looking at her.

Alma's blue eyes, which appeared far lighter than normal, stared back at the woman. He was not certain as to what she was doing, but if this woman could stop…whatever it was that as happening to him, then Alma would oblige in however she needed him to.

 _'Just…make it stop. Please make it stop,'_ Alma silently found himself pleading as his heart continued to race.

The woman held his gaze, with her face close to Alma's. Slowly, she then pulled in where her lips brushed against the young man's.

Alma's whole body went rigid as the woman kissed him. His eyes widened slightly, and he wasn't sure how to react. However, a strange sense of peace seemed to wash over Alma – one that made him almost feel sleepy. His lips seemed to go numb from the physical contact of the woman, and his eyelids closed, feeling heavy and weighed down. He just felt so…

 _'I feel so…'_

His mind felt fuzzy, and he couldn't think clearly. Where was he again? Why was he there? Alma's memory felt as though it weren't working properly.

 _'So…'_

Alma couldn't even finish his thought, as he soon gave into the cold darkness.

* * *

It was the middle of the night, but Kanda couldn't sleep.

He was currently sitting up in the loft at Tiedoll's house. Tiedoll had been dead-set on making sure Kanda wasn't alone that night, and like a hovering parent had insisted that Kanda remain at his house for the time being. Kanda realized he should have been sleeping. However, every time he closed his eyes he was plagued with images of swirling snowflakes and the sound of the shrill, wintry wind. Kanda _couldn't_ sleep. He couldn't rest. Not with Alma missing.

 _Missing_. Yes, Alma was _missing._ He wasn't dead – he was _alive_. He had to have been. There was just no way Alma could be dead. The woman had taken Alma alive – so that had to have been a sign right? If she had wanted Alma dead, then surely she would have killed him then. That was what akuma did – they killed humans right away. They didn't spare them or take them captive.

Kanda clutched at the bed sheets beneath him. Teeth clenched, Kanda's fist trembled. _'Damn it…'  
_  
How could he just stay there and attempt to rest when Alma was out there somewhere? It was a maddening thought that made Kanda want to scream. Alma was such an idiot that he could hardly take care of himself to begin with. He got stung by nettles because he messed with things like some curious child, and nearly tripped over everything because he was too busy doing foolish things like admiring the sky or the snowfall. _'Idiot. Alma, you stupid, stupid idiot,'_ Kanda thought, as he shut his eyes tightly.

His heart twisted as he continued to think of Alma, and the annoyingly sweet, carefree smile he always had on his face. The smile Alma always wore with Kanda.

A pained ache lingered in Kanda's chest. He didn't want that smile to be gone. He didn't want that stupidly foolish and stupidly _beautiful_ smile to be gone.

He truly hated himself. Kanda hated himself so damn much – why couldn't he have gotten there sooner? Why couldn't he have found Alma sooner, and gotten him away from that strange man and that akuma-woman? Damn it, _why couldn't he have at least saved Alma?_

 _'He's not dead yet,'_ A voice seemed to remind Kanda, causing him to open his eyes. _'He's not dead yet. You can still find him. You can still_ save _him.'_

Reaching into his pocket, Kanda pulled out the two items inside. One was the silver lotus pin – the one that Alma had found and returned to him. The other object was the silver rose cross that Marie had given Kanda. _'The order…'_ Kanda remembered, recalling the instructions Marie had given Kanda on how to find this supposed group of exorcists.

Truthfully, if anyone did known anything, it would be this group of exorcists. Apparently, they knew more than anyone – even more than Tiedoll's family had.

Perhaps they would know about how Kanda could find Alma.

Clutching the two silver items, Kanda brought his hand to his mouth thoughtfully, as he rested his arms on his knees. His heart was pounding with trepidation and bitterness, which was only fueled by his unquenchable yearning to know where Alma was. Was Alma alone? Was he with others? Was he scared at all, or hurt? Kanda recalled how Alma had been practically withering in pain before the akuma had showed up, and Kanda felt a fresh wave of nausea pass over him as worry consumed his heart. _'He'd been in pain…'_

Kanda had just never felt so _useless_ before. And then Mugen…

' _Mugen,'_ Kanda recalled, as his mind flickered back to the way the unanticipated pain had seared through his body. Kanda winced at the memory. His hold arm had burned that primarily handled Mugen, and it was as though a fire had been blazing into Kanda's chest. His hand had been shaking for nearly and hour after.

 _'Damn it, innocence, why?'_ Kanda wondered.

Kanda had not told Tiedoll what happened with Mugen. The man would have had a conniption had Kanda said anything. Tiedoll had been worried about Mugen reacting negatively to Kanda for years now, and if Tiedoll knew that Mugen had acted up as it did just hours ago then the man would have probably found a way to keep Kanda on lock down like some overprotective parent. Which Kanda wouldn't have. He wouldn't be reduced to some placid existence.

Kanda had known the risks of forcing a synchronization with the innocence. He had known it would be dangerous. Gradually, Kanda had started to come to the realization it would slowly take tolls on Kanda's body as well. Daisya had even noticed on a few occasions. The ragged breaths at night coming from where Kanda slept and the look of weariness that laced Kanda's body had not even escaped the Turk's attention, who on several occasions had prodded Kanda about if he was alright.

 _"Hey, man, you ok?" Daisya asked, as he looked at Kanda with a slight frown. "You're looking pretty bad over there…"_

Kanda took a deep breath, his skin feeling a bit hotter than normal. He was currently sitting against the base of a tree while Daisya sat across from him. Clutching his right shoulder, Kanda nodded. "I'm fine," He answered, his voice somewhat hoarse. "Just strained a muscle probably."

Daisya raised an eyebrow, not appearing to believe him. "Must be a pretty bad strain," He commented, causing Kanda to shoot a glare in Daisya's direction.

Daisya grinned. "Well, you're as crabby as ever so I guess you're decent," He joked. However, his expression sobered slightly as he continued. "But seriously, Kanda…don't be fucking yourself up and leaving me without a partner."

Kanda rolled his eyes. "Tch. I'm not going to die," He muttered.

'Yet,' _A voice seemed to remind Kanda._ 'You're not going to die _yet_.'

Kanda pushed aside the memory. He couldn't worry about that now.

Kanda was not certain as to what the exact time. He imagined it was close to 2:00AM probably, but he would not be able to sleep. Silently coming to a decision, he swung his legs over the mattress in the loft as he climbed down to the main level. Tiedoll had likely already gone to sleep, leaving Kanda to be the only one awake. For a second, he debated on waking Tiedoll – on at least telling him where he was going. However, Kanda decided against it. Tiedoll would only try to talk him out of leaving.

Still, Kanda felt a bit of guilt from abruptly leaving the last time, and crept over to where there was some paper and writing utensils on the table nearby. Quickly, Kanda scrawled a short note down for Tiedoll, and went into the kitchen where Kanda left it on the kitchen table where Tiedoll would immediately find it.

Once that was taken care of, Kanda was quick to gather his things. He made sure he had all he needed in his bag – some herbs, an extra change of clothes, and some money. He would probably need to take some food too, so he grabbed a few small things from Tiedoll's pantry before packing it away. _'Sorry, old man,'_ Kanda silently apologized, though he figured that really some missing food would be the least of Tiedoll's grievances when he woke up.

After he finished packing, Kanda put on his coat, and slung his bag over his shoulder. Mugen was propped against the closet door, and Kanda eyed it warily. He then took it, feeling the weight of the blade as he picked it up. It felt unusually heavy.

Kanda stopped at the front door, and paused to turn. He gave one last look, once more questioning if he should actually say goodbye to Tiedoll. However, Kanda just shook his head. The note would have to do.

Taking a breath, Kanda turned and opened the front door. The icy darkness greeted him, so much like an old friend whom Kanda resented. Without any hesitation, he walked out into the wintry night, and shut the door behind him. _'I'll come back,'_ He silently promised.

 _'I'll come back, and I'll bring Alma back with me.'_

With that, Kanda ventured off into the moonless night, and he never once looked back.

* * *

Tiedoll should have realized that Kanda wouldn't have been there.

Yet he was still surprised. He was still sad. Still worried.

 _'Kanda…'_ Tiedoll thought, as he looked at the note that had been left on the table. Tiedoll had woken up that morning, early as always. He had assumed Kanda was still asleep up in the loft at first; Kanda had always slept in when he was younger, or worn out. Tiedoll had planned on not disturbing the young man either; Kanda had been so greatly distressed the previous night that Tiedoll could only imagine the toll it had taken on Kanda.

But then Tiedoll had found the note on the kitchen table. Glancing over it, fear and worry had burst within Tiedoll's chest. He had quickly run to check the loft, in case that maybe Kanda had for whatever reason chosen to stay last minute.

Kanda was gone though, and the loft was empty.

Tiedoll shook his head as he stood, reading the note for the second time. The piece of paper was in his hand as he read it, with Kanda's familiar, messy handwriting scrawled across the sheet of paper. As always, Kanda had not written much – he never had been one to leave notes. The message he had left for Tiedoll hardly contained three sentences at best.

 _Tiedoll,_

Don't come after me. Stay here in case something happens. I'll come back.

Kanda

Sighing, Tiedoll set the note down. He ran a hand through his curly, gray hair as he brought his hand to his chin. A pensive, worried look remained in Tiedoll's eyes. Kanda had written that he would come back, but…

Tiedoll sat down, and rested his head in his hand. Tiedoll found himself recalling his conversation years ago with Izo, and how he had told Izo they would protect Lien and Kanda.

But, Tiedoll couldn't protect Kanda now.

 _'I'm sorry, Izo,'_ Tiedoll thought, _'I'm so sorry.'_

Silently, Tiedoll prayed that Kanda would be ok.

* * *

 **A/N:** Yesterday was Kanda's birthday, and I had meant to post this chapter then (Happy belated birthday, my favorite grouchy exorcist 3), but I got tied up with somethings, and unfortunately, it's an angsty chapter - but I mean angst is only natural after the last chapter you know?

The parts with Alma in this are...interesting. He's clearly the "Kai" in the Snow Queen plot line here, with everything from the cold-hearted akuma transformation to the task of putting together a mirror. As for why the SQ character here wants him to do that, that's something that won't get explained until a little later on. Same with the kiss - which is both relevant to the plot in this, and also a direct reference to the original Snow Queen fairytale for those of you who have read it. (For those of you who haven't, The Snow Queen takes Kai who has been pierced by a mirror shard, and she kisses him twice: once to numb him to the cold, and the second to make him forget his previous life at home. A third kiss, however, would kill him. The kiss in this story has a different effect, which relates more to Alma's akuma-transition though.)

Kanda's innocence is something that will also to become more of a prominent issue. It's something that's been very, verrrrry subtly hinted at in earlier chapters, but now it's going to start becoming more apparent.

I actually originally planned to leave more of a note than this, BUT my brain is pretty fried. Hopefully you guys are enjoying the way the story is progressing! Please let me know your thoughts, feel free to review/comment, or message me about any thoughts about the story. I seriously love to hear feedback and how people are taking to everything, and it helps a lot!


	12. Dankern

**Lotus in the Snow (Snow Queen AU)**

 **Chapter Eleven**  
 _Dankern_

"I heard Lord Millennium isn't too happy with you right now."

Tyki looked up. He had been sitting against an ebony table, with his elbow resting upon the surface as he rested his chin in the palm of his hand. His eyes had been closed, but upon hearing the voice he opened them. Golden eyes blinked from beneath dark lashes as they shifted over, landing on the speaker.

The speaker was a dainty, tiny girl. She still appeared as though she had just barely left her childhood, with her youthful face and delicate physique. Physically, she did not appear to be any older than thirteen or maybe fourteen. Like Tyki, she had dark skin and hair, although her hair was cut short and flip out wildly in a variety of angles. Her hair almost had a plum undertone to it, and it contrasted sharply against her eyes, which were the same, uncanny gold as Tyki's.

Closing his eyes again, Tyki said nothing at first. A subtle sigh escaped him as he deliberately changed the subject. "Isn't Sheril looking for you right now?"

Road tilted her head to the side thoughtfully, as she lightly kicked her foot across the ground in a gentle scuff. Her eyes shifted upward, as though she were attempting to add drama to her thinking. "Mmm. Probably," She answered, before looking back to Tyki with a tiny grin. "But I'm not interested in what Sheril wants. I'm interested in what happened."

Throwing her hands behind her back, Road leaned forward, so her face was playfully lingering close to Tyki's. "Soooo? What happened? I want to hear about this total _failure_ you had!"

Tyki rolled his eyes. "It wasn't a _failure_ ," He countered, carefully emphasizing the same word that Road had. "That snow witch is annoying and out of control, and I didn't feel like dealing with her. And the boy that was starting to transition was clearly fighting it – he probably would have been more trouble to deal with than not."

Road raised an eyebrow. "And the exorcist?" She prodded, recalling what she had heard from the Earl. That an _exorcist_ had gotten involved.

Eyes shifting, Tyki looked at Road. His lips unexpectedly upturned into a small smile. "He won't be around much longer," Tyki spoke, earning a curious look from Road. "The innocence he has isn't even in harmony with his body – I don't even know how he got a whole of it to begin with. He's no threat."

At this, Road sighed. "And yet he still got in your way," She teased, earning a cool glare from Tyki. Not put off, Road continued. "He sounds like fun. I'd like to be there when his innocence breaks him to pieces. Bang!"

Tyki eyed Road. A smirk formed on his lips. "You know, I'm sure if you found him it wouldn't take much to push him to that point," Tyki stated airily. "Too bad I don't know where he is now."

Road's face fell, and she pouted. "Awww, you're so mean getting my hopes up!" She whined, stomping her foot childishly onto the ground.

Tyki chuckled, much to Road's irritation. "Don't worry – I'm sure you'll get to fulfill your sadistic tendencies in one way or another," He soothed. "Just get some new dolls for your dream garden. Weren't you just complaining about how you needed some new ones?"

Road ceased her little tantrum, and a thoughtful expression appeared in her eyes. However, a look of annoyance once more melted onto her face as she pursed her lips. "I just _got_ one – but she's so weak that it only took a second to break her. Human are stupid."

Raising an eyebrow, Tyki shrugged. "Guess you're out of luck then."

Huffing, Road turned. "This is boring. I'm going to go play somewhere else."

Tyki just smiled wryly. "Have fun."

Road glanced back and stuck out her tongue, but Tyki didn't miss the dangerous gleam in her golden eyes.

* * *

The snow crunched softly beneath Kanda's feet as he walked on. Snow still layered the ground in a blanket of white, with a thick coat of white glazing the evergreen trees in every single direction. The sky yet again was cloudy, and colored a milky white; occasionally, snippets of pale blue would peak through, but the color was fleeting and the sunlight diluted.

This whole season could rot in hell, as far as Kanda was concerned.

Kanda had hated it before. The snow. The cold. The sunless sky. He had really, truly hated it. But, oh, Kanda fucking _loathed_ the wretched season now.

Winter had always been a terrible season. Everything was dead, and everything was bleak. There was hardly any life left in the earth, and the world was devoid of warmth. What did people see in this season? Kanda had never understood it, even as a child.

 _'But Alma…he liked it,'_ Kanda thought, the silent words like a needle piercing into his skull.

Thinking of Alma made Kanda's heart twist. It always did that now, even with it being days since…since Alma had disappeared.

 _'No,'_ Kanda reminded himself, _'Alma didn't just disappear. He was taken. That damn akuma took him somewhere.'_

Kanda had been traveling for over a week now. He had just crossed over from southern Scandinavia, and was currently making his way through northern Germany. Kanda had actually taken this route previously when he first left – however, during that time he had been heading more southeast as opposed to southwest. With the slight deviation, he was heading into unfamiliar territory. _'Unfamiliar, but closer to wherever the Order is,'_ Kanda thought, his mind flickering to the silver rose cross he was carrying on him.

He needed to get to the North Sea. Marie had said there would be someone there affiliated with the Order who could help Kanda get to its location. Aside from that, the instructions had been vague, and it was frustrating.

A scowl appeared on Kanda's face. How the hell was he even supposed to recognize the person? How the hell was he supposed to find the exact damn _spot_ where they would be? Did the Order have multiple people stationed in areas along the coast or something?

Kanda's head threatened to spin. For a fraction of a second he questioned whether he was in over his head with this all, but as soon as the thought invaded his mind he squashed it. He couldn't back out – he _wouldn't_ back out now. No, Kanda would see this shit through until the fucking end. He couldn't afford to bail on this plan – how could he live with himself if he did? How could he live with himself, while there was still a chance of Alma being alive somewhere?

Kanda shook his head. _'No. Alma_ is _alive,'_ He corrected himself silently. _'He's not dead. The akuma didn't kill him.'_

Yet. The akuma hadn't killed him _yet_.

Kanda looked forward. He was currently making his way along one of the roads, although it clearly wasn't traveled often; it wasn't wide, and the ground was uneven so much that even the thick layer of snow could not conceal it. There washardly any signage, which was typically more common on popular routes. So, this was apparently an area with little traffic. Kanda didn't necessarily mind this; less traffic meant less people, and less people meant less complications.

But, when _was_ the last time Kanda had seen anyone? Now that he thought about it, the last time he saw any other person was quite a way's back. Kanda had been passing by a cabin, just about four hours ago. It had been early that time – just as noon was hitting. Kanda recalled that there had been smoke coming from the chimney, indicating that someone lived there. But aside from that, the windows had been dark and not a trace of movement could be seen.

As Kanda had passed the cabin, he had just noticed a flash of something shifting. Swiftly, his eyes had turned, and his gaze had immediately landed on a man. He had been in the doorway, staring at Kanda with a wide-eyed and confused expression. Kanda had ceased walking briefly, and stared back. He wasn't too keen on how the man had just been _looking_ at him, as though Kanda were the first person he had seen on that road in ages.

Without saying anything, Kanda had resumed his trek. He had felt the man's eyes on him until he was out of the stranger's line at sight.

The memory of experience had stayed with Kanda, and seemed to be lingering in the forefront of his mind even more potently than before. The man in the cabin had been the last person Kanda had seen for hours now. Kanda felt his suspicion grow. Why had that man given Kanda such a strange look? Did people not travel this way?

 _'And if so, then why?'_ Kanda thought, instantly raising his guard. He didn't trust the trees that surrounded him.

Instinctively, Kanda's hand lingered toward the hilt of his sword, and he stopped walking. He noticed that the woods around him appeared unusually silent, even for winter, and Kanda was careful to keep his breathing quiet. There was an uncomfortable tickle in the back of his neck that made Kanda feel as though he weren't alone. He didn't like it.

There was a sudden movement from behind one of the trees, and Kanda gripped Mugen, activating the innocence. A flash of light flared across the blade as Kanda whipped around. He just caught sight of a hideous creature: dark gray like stone and circular in its appearance, the ugliness of its face was unmistakable – an _akuma_.

Kanda did not hesitate as his sword pierced the akuma, the blade slicing directly into the monster's forehead. It had been dangerously close to Kanda – hardly a foot away, and Kanda was forced to stare into its empty, hollowed eyes. Where Mugen had pierced it, several black pentacles formed, and the akuma's body broke down, dissolving into ashes.

 _'It was a weak one,'_ Kanda silently observed. He straightened his body as his eyes lingered on the akuma's ashes, which looked as though they were sizzling into the snow with a smoldering darkness. Kanda was careful not to breathe in the fumes, and retracted Mugen, though he didn't yet re-sheathe it. _'I wonder if this is why that man from earlier looked so strange-'_

Kanda did not have time to finish his thoughts though, as there was suddenly more movement. From behind the evergreen three more akuma appeared. Like the one Kanda had just destroyed, they were all identical and circular in their appearance, with a rocky-gray exterior and mindless eyes. Kanda silently cursed, and gripped Mugen. _'Damn it, how many are there!?'_

One of the akuma moved a canon-like appendage, and a blast of dark energy shot from it. Kanda dodged swiftly, and immediately focused on his innocence. Feeling Mugen's energy pulsate through his grip, Kanda slashed his sword horizontally through the air. "First Illusion!" Kanda shouted, as a string of ghostly, insect-like creatures were released from Mugen's blade. There were seven of them total, long a gray with red eyes on each one.

The bodies of these insect-like creatures were somewhat transparent, yet they attacked the akuma with a ferocity that indicated they were very much real. The bit at and assaulted the akuma, and within seconds the remaining lower level akuma began to disintegrate. Taking the opportunity, Kanda charged forward, and slashed Mugen across all three. As with the first akuma, black pentacles appeared over the bodies of the monsters, and their forms soon dissolved into fumes and ashes.

Kanda attempted to still his lungs, avoiding to breathe as little as possible. His dark indigo eyes scanned the trees, expectant of possibly more akuma appearing. However, after a moment passed Kanda moved, and sheathed Mugen. He distanced himself a bit from the akuma remains, and gave a final glance around the woods.

 _'Woods that are apparently akuma infested. That must be why that man looked so wary earlier,'_ Kanda realized. If there had been akuma lingering in the forest, then it was no wonder the road Kanda was on was not frequently traveled. People who weren't informed about akuma or how to protect themselves would have simply avoided the woods all together if there was wind of such monstrosities lingering about.

Kanda frowned slightly. He turned to look back at the four piles of remains in the snow, all of which had almost dissolved completely by this point. All of the akuma had been weak, lower-level ones – but it was a bit strange so many had appeared at once.

Kanda glanced upward. The evergreen trees stretched high above him, but he could still make out the pale gray sky. Kanda knew it would be getting dark soon, and that he needed to move quickly. He honestly hoped that he would come across some kind of town or village before nightfall, because a night in the woods would have been highly inconvenient. Not that Kanda couldn't do it – but it certainly wasn't ideal.

Continuing along, Kanda kept his guard up, never once allowing himself to completely relax or lose his focus. He wasn't sure if more akuma would appear, but given the fact that four had basically ambushed him at once the possibility of more appearing was likely.

It was another hour that had passed, and during that time there had been no more akuma sightings. Kanda was grateful for this, only because the walking he had been doing combined with the cold temperature was beginning to wear him down. He was layered with his coat and scarf to help maintain some of his body heat, but if Kanda didn't come across some sort of community soon he realized that he would need to stop to make a fire somewhere. His body wouldn't be able to take the cold much longer.

Kanda also couldn't help but noticed he felt oddly _tired._ He knew walking would have played a part in addition to the cold, but felt more worn out than normal. He didn't think it were the akuma – Kanda had fought stronger ones before with no issue. Perhaps it was the fact that he had spent over a month not being on the move with returning to the village. His body just needed to re-adjust. Probably.

As Kanda continued, he eventually began to make out something in the distance. Through the trees ahead, he thought he caught sight of what appeared to be a wooden post with some kind of sign on it. When he got closer, Kanda was able to see that it definitely _was_ some kind of sign. However, the letters that had been scrawled onto it were worn and faded. Kanda was just barely able to make out the word.

"Dankern," He read quietly, though the name didn't strike him as familiar. Was it a town or village up ahead?

It was another ten minutes or so of walking Kanda had to do before he acquired an answer. Just ahead Kanda was beginning to make out a building. Then another. Soon, Kanda realized that it _was_ a village. _'That must be Dankern.'_

The village was quiet. It was the first thing Kanda noticed, even before he had made it all the way to one of the buildings on the exterior of the premises. It left Kanda with an unsettled feeling, and like before he felt the need to keep his guard up.

The buildings were closely pressed together, and narrow. Most of the windows were closed, and there hardly appeared to be any activity. A small number of people were out – some were talking in soft voices, others appeared to be pre-occupied with different tasks or chores. But for the most part, the energy of the village was low and subdued. It was almost as though the villagers were trying to be as quiet as possible, with their activity no more than a subtle hum in Kanda's ears.

Several people paused to stare at Kanda as he passed. Their eyes were somewhat glazed, and they looked tired. They also looked confused, and looked at Kanda as though they couldn't understand what he was doing there.

Kanda fought the urge to shiver. The whole village felt weird.

The sound of a door abruptly swinging open caused Kanda's attention to shift. Just across the street, he saw a young girl run outside. She was bundled in a coat with a shawl around her head, and long, straight brown hair tumbled out. Her physique was tiny, and almost frail looking; Kanda though the fabric she was wrapped in nearly swallowed her, making the girl appear smaller than what she really was.

An older man with shoulder-length gray hair and a somewhat unkempt mustache tried to stop her. "Angela, come back!"

The girl – Angela – didn't stop though. She kept running, though she wasn't paying attention to where to she was going. Angela had run across the street, just to where Kanda stood, before she actually ran straight into the him. The girl staggered, and fell; Kanda just barely caught her to prevent the girl from collapsing entirely, and he immediately noticed how much body heat seemed to radiate from her.

 _'She's burning up,'_ Kanda realized. His eyes moved to the Angela's face, and he could now see she actually wasn't that much younger than Kanda – probably two or three years younger at best. Her skin was pale, but there was a pink flush to her face that indicated she did have a fever. Eyes, large and gray, were somewhat hazy, and the girl looked as though she could hardly think straight.

The girl's eyes met Kanda's, and she had a dazed and bewildered look. She parted her lips, and looked as though she wanted to speak. "Have…you seen my sister?" She asked, her voice incredibly faint despite the fact that Kanda was still holding her.

A questioning look appeared in Kanda's eyes, as he was completely thrown off by the question. He didn't have time to think of an answer though, as the sound of someone running up to them caused Kanda's attention to break.

"Angela!"

Kanda looked to see the old man had run up to them. Like the girl, the man also had gray eyes which quickly landed on Kanda. Surprise immediately appeared in them as the man's eyes widened slightly before he looked back to Angela. "I'm so sorry," The man hastily apologized, before taking the limp girl from Kanda. "She's not well."

Kanda allowed for the man to take the girl, who seemed to have fallen into a state of unconsciousness. There was a small frown on Kanda's face though. "Has she been like this for a while?" Kanda asked.

The man's attention returned to Kanda. There was a wariness in his gaze, but he nodded his head slowly. His eyes flickered down to Angela. "Yes…for about a week now."

Nodding, Kanda watched as the man attempted to take the girl back across the street to where Kanda assumed they lived. However, the older man seemed to struggle, and Kanda automatically intervened. "Here," Kanda said, taking hold of Angela. "I'll carry her."

A grateful look appeared in the old man's eyes. "Thank you," He said, before glancing back to the house they had just exited. "We live just this way."

Kanda followed the old man back across the street, still feeling the eyes of several villagers following him. Shit, why did they keep _staring_? Kanda was growing more uneasy with each passing second, but he forced himself to remain calm until he was able to at least set Angela down.

The man led Kanda inside, where he was greeted by warmth. The sensation was one Kanda instantly welcomed given how cold his journey had been thus far. He looked around to see the house was quite empty really; there was not much furniture or any decoration. The walls were aged and colorless, and appeared to echo the bleakness of outside. Kanda did not spend too much time looking around though, and he followed the man upstairs. He was then brought to a room with two beds and a window that faced the town square.

"This is Angela's bed," The man explained as he pointed to the one on the right side of the window, moving so that Kanda could lie Angela down.

Angela was still unconscious, and Kanda was careful to place her on the bed gently. The girl's breathing seemed somewhat shallow, and her face has some light precipitation on it. She was at the point where her body was attempting to sweat out the fever, but the process would only be even harder if the girl couldn't get enough oxygen into her.

Kanda thought. He had brought some herbs with him that he had collected while he was back in the village – what had he taken though? He quickly recalled that thyme had been one of them. Rosemary, and some arnica…

For a moment, Kanda thought of Alma. The thought was intrusive though, and immediately made it difficult for Kanda to focus. As a result, he pushed Alma's image out of his mind.

Kanda looked over at the old man. "Do you have a kettle?"

The old man returned Kanda's gaze, though his gray eyes were incredibly confused. Kanda wanted to roll his eyes, but extended his explanation. "A kettle. I can make something for her to help her breathe a little more easily if you'll let me use it."

Blinking in surprise the man nodded. "Yes, of course," He said, before leading Kanda back downstairs.

Kanda followed the man into the kitchen, which like most of the house felt barren and empty. There was a stove off to the side, and a small, circular table where three chairs remained.

The man motioned that Kanda could set his things down by the table, and he did so. "The kettle is just on the stovetop," The man explained before looking at Kanda once more, although his gaze lingered a bit longer than necessary. Kanda raised an eyebrow at the man when he didn't look away, and the man appeared to realize what he was doing. "Ah! I apologize. It's just….we don't really get visitors in Dankern."

Kanda's mouth remained in a thin line, but he nodded. He had certainly started to gather as much. "I figured," Kanda commented dully as he pulled out two pouches – one of thyme, and one of rosemary. Before he did anything else, Kanda's memory flashed to earlier, with the small akuma attack still hanging in the recess of his mind. Somewhat cautiously, Kanda's eyes then moved to the man. "Any reason for that?"

The old man took a seat at the table, while Kanda lit a small flame beneath the kettle. There was already some water in their, and Kanda would only need a little. Kanda heard the man sigh as he started to work.

"It's the woods," The old man spoke. His voice was quiet, and there was a nervousness in his tone that Kanda didn't miss. "There…there are things in there," He explained before he closed his eyes to rub his forehead. "It's that cabin…"

Kanda turned back to look at the man while the water heated. His brow furrowed slightly. "Cabin..?"

The man opened his eyes, and looked back at Kanda. "Ah, we call it the witch's cabin. There have always been old superstitions about a witch living there," The man spoke. "But it's farther out in the woods, so most people here never really paid it any attention. We all just avoided it."

Frown deepening, Kanda crossed his arms. "So if it's just a superstition, then why would it have any relevance to anything?"

Hesitating, the man averted his gaze. "Years ago, several sightings occurred. They were of someone hanging around the cabin. At first, no one thought too much of it – it could have just been someone who had taken to living there for all we knew," He explained, as his eyes looked ahead. There was a distant look in the man's eyes as though he were recalling something. "But…then people started to disappear. The woods became dangerous, and traveling in and out of Dankern became less common. You're probably the first person who has come through town in at least the past two years."

When Kanda heard this, he couldn't say he was surprised. He remembered the man who had stared at him hours earlier, wary and confused. It suddenly made sense why he had worn such a baffled expression at seeing Kanda go toward Dankern. Superstitions alone had the power to make people avoidant – but superstitions with some kind of merit (in this case, akuma) would ward off people more quickly than the plague.

With slight curiosity, Kanda looked at the man. "Does no one ever leave here then?"

The old man shook his head. "No…the closest town is Mittenwald, which is just southwest of us. It's only an hour away. If anyone goes, they go in pairs though. And only during daylight hours," He answered. "But...even those trips are less frequent. Over the years people have tried to simply leave Dankern. Some thing the town itself may be cursed."

Kanda looked at the man dubiously. _That_ sounded just a little extreme.

Noticing Kanda's look, the old man sighed. "Forgive me – I know I must sound like a lunatic to you."

Kanda shook his head. "It's fine," He replied shortly. He noticed the water was boiling by this point, and began to add some of the thyme and rosemary leaves. As he did this, his mind briefly flickered back to Angela, and what she had said earlier. Kanda then also recalled the second bed in Angela's room.

Kanda didn't look at the man, but posed his inquiry anyhow. "Who's bed was that across from Angela's?" He asked, his question blunt. He looked back over his shoulder just in time to see the old man wince.

"Ah…" The old man began, but faltered. "That…that's Sophia's bed. Sophia is my other daughter – Angela's twin."

The old man grew quiet once more, and a weary look appeared on his face. "Sophia…we don't know where she is. When Angela fell sick, Sophia left to try to go to Mittenwald to see if she could get some medicine," The man continued. There was a grieving look in his face as he rested his face in his hand. "I told her not to go – we couldn't leave Angela here alone when she was so unwell, but it just wasn't safe to travel alone…"

The man didn't go into detail, but Kanda was able to follow easily enough. _'So, Sophia went off on her own then…and didn't come back,'_ He concluded. Kanda could not say he was hopeful that Sophia was alright, as terrible as it was. If there were more akuma infesting the woods around Dankern, it was unlikely that Sophia would have been able to survive.

From that point on, the conversation felt a little uncomfortable for Kanda. He wasn't good at consoling people, and considering the fact that Sophia was probably gone…it made things awkward for Kanda. He wasn't one to give false hope.

Removing the kettle from the heat, Kanda changed the subject. "Do you have a spare cloth?" He asked, not wanting to linger on the morose subject.

The man looked a little taken aback by the abrupt shift in topic, but nodded. "Yes, I'll get one," He said, standing up to go get a cloth.

While the man went to grab the cloth, Kanda poured some of the thyme and rosemary water into a small bowl. As he finished that the man returned with a cloth, and gave it to Kanda.

"Are you some kind of doctor?" The man asked, with intrigue.

Kanda fought the urge to scoff. "No," He replied shortly. "This is just some rosemary and thyme to help her breathe. It's nothing special."

Taking the bowl and cloth, Kanda went back upstairs. When he got to Angela's room, he set the bowl aside and let the cloth soak into the water. Kanda made sure to let the material sit for a few minutes before he took the cloth out of the warm mixture and squeezed out the excess out before he started to press the cloth down onto different parts of Angela's face; just below the jaw and under the ear, and then all along her temple. These were specific points to leave the residue to help the smell of the mixture stay with Angela more, and ease her breathing.

Kanda could feel the eyes of Angela's father on him, and did his best to ignore it. He hated being watched sometimes, but he remained quiet until he was done. "She's at the point where her fever is probably at its peak. All you can do is try to make breathing for her easier, and watch to make sure she doesn't get overheated. When she wakes up she can also breathe into the cloth to help – there's enough of the water left it should get her through this."

The man nodded, and a look of gratitude shown in his eyes. "Thank you," He said.

As he stood, Kanda's eyes flickered out to the window. He could see it was getting dark outside, and the village below was completely silent. Had everyone already gone back inside for the evening already?

The man seemed to notice Kanda's gaze, and raised an eyebrow. "You're not thinking of leaving when it's getting dark out, are you?" He asked, with concern evident in his voice.

Kanda turned, and looked as though he were about to speak. However, the man spoke before him. "Please – stay here for the night. If you must go you can leave when it's daylight."

Kanda shut his mouth. Given that he honestly was tired from all the walking through the cold, he knew he would not be able to travel much farther anyhow. And if the man were offering him a place to stay for the night then Kanda would have been foolish for refusing – especially given the uncertainty of the forest that surrounded Dankern.

Mutely, Kanda nodded in agreement. He would stay.

* * *

Nighttime fell quickly, and the house was silent. Kanda had ended up staying downstairs, which he wasn't opposed to. There was a spare bed, but it was Sophia's and in Angela's room – so using it had been out of the question. Kanda hadn't mind the isolation of being the only person downstairs though. He had found it difficult to sleep with everything on his mind, and even the weariness he felt was hardly enough to lull his body into a relaxed state.

His mind continued to return to all that the old man had told him. The woods. The akuma. The witch's cabin. Kanda wondered if the supposed person that had been sighted there was in fact an akuma; it would not have been unlikely. Should Kanda seek out this cabin? In the past, he would have always sought out wherever the akuma were. He would have sought them out and destroyed them. As an exorcist, he had a responsibility to do so.

 _'I have to find the Order though,'_ Kanda then thought. _'And I have to find Alma.'_

For the first time in his life, Kanda felt truly conflicted over whether or not he should investigate a potential akuma. Before, there would have been no questions – Kanda would have hunted the monster down, and destroyed it. But now, Kanda had another goal – he had another priority. If Kanda spent all his energy trying to hunt down every akuma he came across, it would only slow him down, and time was ticking. Given that Kanda didn't know where Alma was or what condition he was in, Kanda had no choice but to act quickly. Every second he delayed was just another chance for Alma to be at more risk than ever – and Kanda didn't know how long Alma would last…wherever he was. Wherever the Snow Queen had taken him.

 _'Alma…'_

Kanda was haunted by Alma's smile. He was haunted by the sweetness of Alma's laughter, and the sparkle in his eyes. Yet the last memory Kanda had of Alma was Alma on the ground, withering in pain. Kanda couldn't bear to have that be the last memory he had of Alma. Kanda didn't want to remember Alma looking like that. _'I want to remember him like he was before…'_

There was a shuffling upstairs. Immediately alert, Kanda sat up from the makeshift cot on the ground and looked over at the staircase leading upward. Who the hell was awake right now?

Kanda stood, guard going up once more. It was plausible that it was the old man who had gotten up – possibly to check on Angela. However, Kanda was wary. With Dankern being surrounded by akuma, Kanda felt there was too much of a threat to brush off any noises in the dead of night.

Careful to be as silent as possibly, Kanda made his way up the stairs. One step creaked, and he winced; the sound had been obnoxiously loud in comparison to the quiet of the night. Kanda then waited a moment before continuing, and thankfully avoided any more creaking steps.

The shuffling could still be heard, and Kanda continued to follow the noise. He frowned, when he realized it was coming from Angela's room; Kanda could see the door was slightly ajar, and heard someone moving around. Slowly, Kanda came to the door. He glanced inside, and was surprised to see it was just Angela – awake and sitting upright in bed.

Kanda must not have been as quiet as he had hoped, because Angela turned, and looked toward the door. "Is…someone there?"

Kanda silently sighed, and opened the door a little more. As Angela's eyes landed on them, they first showed confusion. However, after a moment, recognition filled them. "You're the one I ran into earlier…" She observed, though there was slight hesitancy in her words, as though she were not certain if she were truly awake or not.

Nodding, Kanda spoke. "I helped your father bring you back here. You should really be resting."

Angela frowned, her expression small and delicate. Kanda noticed that she almost looked doll-like with how pale her skin was in the moonlight, and her eyes so large and innocent looking. Angela turned, and glanced over at the window. "I can't sleep…" She spoke, her voice distant. "All I can think about is my sister."

Kanda said nothing at first. What could he say? He wasn't exactly good at talking to people – especially when said people were emotional.

Fortunately, Kanda didn't have to say anything, because Angela spoke again. "Sophia always thinks of everyone first, and never about herself. That's why she tried to go to Mittenwald alone," Angela said. There was a sad and almost guilty look on her face – did she blame herself for Sophia's disappearance?

Angela was still looking out the window, but Kanda could see her eyes were glassy even in the darkness. Her voice wavered. "I can't stand being here knowing she's out there…"

A small scowl appeared on Kanda's face as he remained in the doorway. "Right now all you can do is rest," He emphasized, her reasoning incredibly blunt and direct. "Trying to go after her like what you did earlier is just reckless. You can't do anything in your condition."

Angela turned her head, and opened her mouth as though she wanted to argue. However, she closed it, and averted her gaze. There was a silent moment that lingered in the air before she spoke again. "I know," She said, her words soft. "But…I just couldn't stand it. She only left because I was sick."

Then, Angela turned to look back at Kanda. There was a sad and melancholy look in her sweet, gray eyes. "Haven't you ever wanted to find someone that badly?"

Kanda stiffened. Without realizing the potency of her words, Angela's question had undeniably pierced Kanda like a sharp blade, with Alma's laughter ringing freshly in Kanda's ears.

His whole body tense, Kanda swallowed as he looked away. It was suddenly very difficult for him to face the frail, sick girl sitting in the bed before him, and it was even more difficult to answer her question. As a result, Kanda avoided it all together. "You should try to sleep," Kanda emphasized, his words somewhat brusque.

Kanda didn't wait for the girl to reply before he walked away.

* * *

The next morning, Kanda woke up early. Angela's father was also awake, so Kanda did not have to wait long before he indicated he was going to leave. He had been able to get some sleep during the night – although it was a light and restless sleep. It would do though, and at least it had been warmer than sleeping outside somewhere.

Kanda was outside already when he was saying goodbye to the old man. Angela's father looked at Kanda with some worry though. "Are you sure you want to go alone? These woods really aren't safe – it's really surprising that you even made it here to begin with."

Kanda nodded. "I'll be fine," He said, before he caught a flicker of movement in the upstairs window. Looking up, Kanda could see Angela looking down at them.

Returning his gaze to the old man, Kanda spoke. "That cabin you mentioned…where did you say it was?"

The old man's eyes instantly became alert, and his voice seemed to catch in his throat. He managed to give an answer, although he seemed hesitant to do so. "If you follow the path that leads south, it's just a little off to the west," He explained. "I would advise you to try to avoid it."

Kanda nodded. "Thanks," He said, before giving one last glance at the window. Kanda didn't say anything more though, and turned to start walking, leaving the house behind him.

Because Dankern was so small, it was not long before Kanda was out of the village once more, and traveling through the woods. The trees obstructed the sky once more, but the daylight just barely managed to seep through. As Kanda walked, his senses were all completely alert, and his eyes periodically scanned the area for any detection of movement.

The witch's cabin was southwest of Dankern – and southwest was where Kanda needed to go to get to the North Sea. Inevitably, Kanda would pass by it at some point, and if there was some strange phenomenon at the cabin it was more than likely an akuma. _'I can't let my guard down…not even for a second,'_ Kanda thought, his ears listening closely among the soundless woods.

So far, he had seen nothing though. No movement. No shadows. Everything was uncannily still, and the unease that Kanda had felt on his way to Dankern tickled the back of his spine. It was as though Kanda could feel the presence of something lingering by – something ominous and unpleasant.

His hand lingered closely to Mugen. _'Don't fail me, Innocence…'_

A sudden rustle could be heard, and Kanda's head whipped around. He saw nothing though.

But then, he heard a giggle.

It was light, and bell-like. It was the giggle of a young girl – possibly a child. Was there a child nearby?

Kanda looked around. He could see no one, and his fingers instinctively wrapped around the hilt of his sword. Had Kanda imagined the sound?

Another giggle could be heard, and the soft peal of dainty laughter spilled through the trees. Kanda's eyes narrowed. No, he definitely _wasn't_ imagining things. The laughter had been real, and someone – _something_ – was nearby.

Kanda listened. He wasn't sure exactly where the giggling had come from, but his gut instinct was to keep moving with the path he was on. Willing himself to continue forward, Kanda's eyes periodically scanned his surroundings, and his body remained tense, and ready to spring forward in case anything strange occurred.

Another rustle. Another bell-like giggle.

Kanda sprinted in the direction of it, unsheathing Mugen. He had heard where it was coming from then – it was coming from the southwest.

He ran. Kanda ran. He didn't know where this thing was, or where it was coming from – but he had the sudden impulse to just _find_ it. Perhaps he was hoping that it was the same akuma that had taken Alma, or perhaps he was hoping that he could find out something more from whatever it was that had made the noise. Kanda didn't know. Did he even care? He cared about something, or else he wouldn't have been running.

 _"I'm this wayyyy."_

Kanda briefly stopped, the ghostly voice piercing into his ears. He looked around, trying to gage just where the voice was coming from, and started running again.

 _"You're getting warmer, Exorcist."_

 _'The hell?'_ Kanda wondered, as he turned. He thought he had heard the voice coming from behind him, but no one was there.

Shit, just where the hell was that voice coming from?

Kanda spun around. The voice was messing with him – it was turning him around and trying to confuse him and….crap, which way had he been _going_?

"Fuck," Kanda hissed, before picking a random direction and running toward it.

 _"Awwww, you're not lost are you?"_

Kanda clenched his teeth. Whoever's voice that was, he _really_ wanted to kill them.

 _"If you keep following my voice you're sure to findddd meeeee."_

It was taunting him. The damn voice was _taunting_ him.

Kanda was getting pissed off. He had been stupid in following the voice in the first place, and now he was no longer sure just _where_ he was going. But he had to figure it out soon – Kanda couldn't be lost. He couldn't afford to be lost. And the trees had to end at some point, right?

Kanda had stopped running, and slowed to a quick paced walk. He tried to look for anything to indicate what direction he was going in, but every way he turned looked the exact same.

Until he saw something through the trees.

Slowing his pace, Kanda looked to his left. There was a small pond, icy and frozen. It was in a small clearing, were a small, old little house remained beside it. The windows were dark, and empty. Like the rest of the woods, there were no signs of life. The cabin just looked abandoned. Haunted.

Kanda realized it was the witch's cabin.

* * *

 **A/N:** SO. I realized that today is the start of the DGM Fanworks Initiative (which will go one from June 12th-June 18th). For those of you who aren't aware, letspleasuretogether posted this on Tumblr, with today's theme being "Exorcists vs Noah; Light vs Dark; Good vs Evil." Since this chapter basically gets hijacked by the Noah (seriously, how did they start to take over this story? I mean I guess that's how the Noah roll though XD) it just felt...I don't know, fitting? Plus I didn't want to take too much focus from getting this chapter started by writing a one-shot for today or anything. So this is my contribution to that. ^^;;

Anyways, yay for a Monday update! I'm actually doing this on my break at work, but I really wanted to post this as soon as possible. This chapter and the next are two that I'd sort of been thinking about since I first began writing, since this is the "old witch" parallel to the Snow Queen story. You probably noticed I'm using Dankern, which is the setting for episodes 33 and 34 in DGM (if you've only read the manga, it's actually a setting that we see in the Reverse novels). Obviously I'm changing some details with Angela and who the "witch" is, but that's something that you'll have to wait for the next chapter to see more of. ;D

Hope you all enjoy the chapter, and have had a lovely start to the week! Please, please, pleeeeeaaaase feel free to comment or reach out to me with any feedback (you can even do that on my tumblr if that's easier, which is just faeriexqueen). Seriously, it is my lifeblood and is super helpful in knowing what direction to take different plot elements in. (BUT KUDOS ARE GOOD TOO XDDD)

Happy Monday! 3


	13. The Little Witch

**Lotus in the Snow (Snow Queen AU)**

 **Chapter Twelve**  
 _The Little Witch_

' _So that's it. That's the witch's cabin.'_

Kanda debated on what to do. Any sane person would have avoided the cabin – why would a person even want to go into somewhere that looked so eerie and forlorn? It didn't help that this was a cabin associated with people _disappearing_.

Kanda stared at the cabin though, and observed its appearance in detail. It was small, and looked like it probably just had a single room inside – the kind of room that made it suitable for one person, or maybe two if neither had an issue with privacy. The wood was dark, and laced with ivy that had fallen into a death-like sleep in the winter frost; ivy also had started to curl over the door, indicating that no one had gone in or come out for sometime. The windows had no curtains, but the inside of the cabin was an empty black.

Eyes narrowing, Kanda looked at the door. If no one had gone in or come out, how could people go missing because of some cabin? Was the building merely a façade for something else that was going on?

 _'I really don't like this…'_ Kanda thought, wondering once more if he should turn around. But which way? He had gotten turned around, and that _voice…_

 _'Shit. Where did it go?'_ Kanda silently wondered, realizing that the voice he had heard only moments before had become oddly silent. Surely he hadn't been imagining it; it had been far too distinctive and _vocal_.

It had also acknowledged that Kanda was an exorcist.

It must have been an akuma. It _had_ to have been one. There was no other explanation Kanda could muster up to describe it. An akuma would have made perfect sense though, especially considering that there were other akuma in the woods.

Kanda's hand once more lingered on the hilt of his sword.

 _"Are you going to come inside?"_

The voice startled Kanda, but he refrained from drawing Mugen. His body tensed and his eyes yet again skimmed the area – though he still could not find the source of the voice. But then he actually seemed to grasp what the voice had said: _Are you going to come inside?_

Inside.

Kanda's eyes moved to the cabin. So that's where the voice was.

Glaring, Kanda's eyes remained on the cabin. "Why should I?" He asked, assuming the voice would hear him. He anticipated it would considering the source of it could apparently see him just fine.

The voice laughed, with its bell-like twinkle echoing in Kanda's ears. _"Because I want you to,"_ It responded, words light and annoyingly playful. _"So come inside."_

Kanda was annoyed. So this voice was just going to presume that Kanda would go in because it said so? Well, this disembodied voice of an akuma was about to be sorely disappointed. Kanda sent a dark look in the cabin's direction, where the alleged voice was apparently coming from. "Well maybe I _don't_ want to come inside. In fact, why do you come _outside?_ "

 _"Ohhhh, someone's testy,"_ The voice continued to tease. It paused though, and in a somewhat cooler tone spoke again, this time prodding and inquiring. _"Aren't you looking for something?"_

The question was left-field, and completely caught Kanda off guard. He wasn't able to give any sort of answer before the voice went on.

 _"No, not something –_ someone _. You have that desperate look about you like any stupid human has when they're worried about someone."_

Kanda visibly tensed. Looking for something – someone. _Alma_. Kanda shook his head. The voice was messing with him – it didn't actually know anything. It was only attempting to unnerve him.

"Tch. You're just grasping at straws now. So quit with the mind games," Kanda growled, becoming more and more agitated with the fact that he was somehow arguing with an obnoxiously irritating _disembodied voice._

 _"Am I? You don't know that. For all you know, the person you're looking for could be inside."_

It was a trap. A very obvious, apparent trap. God, the voice couldn't really have thought that Kanda were _stupid enough_ to fall for such a old, overly-used trick. It was clearly trying to bait Kanda, and trying to get him to go inside the cabin. More than likely the voice had just been guessing, and by chance it had stumbled upon something that was coincidentally relevant to Kanda. Yet…

 _'If it's an akuma….it could possibly know something,'_ Kanda thought, gritting his teeth. Crap, what if…what if the thing inside this cabin _did_ know something about what had happened to Alma? What if it knew something of the akuma that had taken him? Kanda was at a standstill. He could ignore the voice, but…shit, he couldn't just walk away from an akuma that was so blatantly taunting him. And he sure as hell couldn't just walk away from an akuma that might have known something about where Alma was. _'Damn it, this really doesn't leave me with much of a choice…'_

Eyes flashing, Kanda took a breath as he approached the cabin. The voice had gone silent, which caused Kanda to be even more wary than before. He was constantly skimming his surroundings for any movement or noise, though the world surrounding him was uncannily still. It was as though the universe was stagnant, suspending itself in a state of motionless anticipation. It put Kanda on edge.

The door of the cabin was covered with ivy, frosted and untouched. Had anyone actually entered into the cabin? Kanda was prepared to at the very least slash the foliage off the door just so he could get it open. But before he could pull out Mugen, the vines shifted, and pulled away, slithering away from the door like a series of thin serpents retreating into their den. Without having to do anything, the door clicked open, as though it had never been shut properly to begin with.

It was sort of creepy as hell.

 _'Great. An akuma who just really loves theatrics. That's all I need now,'_ Kanda thought venomously. More than likely this was all to perpetuate the whole "witch" rumor that the akuma had doubtlessly started. Kanda could see how to any other human who was ignorant to the existence of akuma would attribute such eerie happenings to some sort of folklore or urban legend.

With his foot, Kanda kicked the door aside gently so it swung open more. The wood seemed rickety, and unstable in its age. Kanda imagined it was probably much stronger than it looked though, and his eyes rested on it for a few seconds. He didn't trust the door. He didn't even trust the _splinters_ in it. Despite this mistrust, Kanda entered the cabin. He was greeted by darkness, which was so black he could hardly see his hands in front of him.

There was a sudden slamming behind him – the door. It had shut. Kanda turned abruptly, annoyed, though he couldn't say he was surprised by this. "Shutting the door behind me. Aren't you original," He commented, his words laced with biting sarcasm. "Are you going to try to attack while I can't see anything too?"

The voice didn't answer, but there was a sound of a match being lit, and a sudden glow of flickering light could be seen. No, _several_ glows of light could be seen. Kanda could see that there were now a variety of lit candles illuminating the darkness. They were each small, and cone-shaped; every candle was a different, bright color ranging from blue to purple and pink to yellow. They were obnoxiously vibrant colors, and were almost festive in their excessively potent pigmentation. In a sense, they almost reminded Kanda of a carnival he and Daisya had passed by once. Kanda hadn't wanted to stick around for that kind of torture, but he could distinctly remember seeing similar colors and patterns during the spectacle.

"Is that better?"

The voice. This time it was different though – this time it sounded as though it were right there _behind_ Kanda. Kanda turned swiftly.

There was a girl standing there. She was small, and she looked _young_. There was no way she could have been older that a young teenager at best. Her skin was pale, and her eyes violet – and her hair was dark, but had a purple undertone that almost caused it to _match_ the girl's eyes. She didn't keep her hair long, and it was short, and flipped outward. With the style of her hair and her petite stature, the girl looked almost faerie-like.

Kanda stared at her warily. "You're the voice," He observed, still trying to figure out just what he wanted to do. Did he want to attack? Did he want information? What the hell did he want to do?

An impish smile appeared on the girl's face. "Aren't you the observant one," She spoke, her words teasing and more of a statement than an inquiry.

Kanda frowned. "And an akuma."

"Or maybe not _that_ observant," The girl added. Her eyes flashed – had they flickered color just now? For a second Kanda had thought they changed, but when he looked at them they were the same, deep purple.

His eyes narrowed. "If you're not an akuma, then what are you?"

The girl rolled her eyes in mock exasperation. "That's such a rude question," She chided, "I'm a girl. _Obviously._ But you can call me Road."

Her mockery caused Kanda's eyebrow to twitch. Well, that was a load of bullshit if Kanda ever heard any – the girl, Road, wasn't normal, and the situation had akuma written all over it. But why would this _girl_ deny being an akuma? Did she have something to gain from that sort of trickery? Or could she have been actually telling the truth? Kanda didn't understand her, nor did he understand the situation.

Kanda's silence had not gone unnoticed by Road, who titled her head. There was a shrewd look in her eyes. "Don't think too much – you might hurt yourself."

Kanda's eyes flashed to Road with a glare. "Are you the one who's been causing people to go missing?" He pressed, not sure if his questions would actually get him anywhere with this…Road girl or whatever. But he had a better chance of possibly getting her to spill something as opposed to keeping quiet.

Although, it was definitely hard to ignore the desire to _skew_ that annoying little smile she was wearing.

"You ask a lot of questions," Road piped. "But I shouldn't expect anything less from an exorcist. You're all the same, really. Nosing into anything you think is relevant to akuma or _innocence_ ," She continued, although there was a biting sense of disgust with the way she articulated "innocence." It was almost as if Road had mentioned some vile or revolting subject that left a bitter taste in her mouth, what with the way her voice inflected and her nose scrunched up.

Standing on her tip-toes, the petite girl leaned in close to Kanda, who instinctively pulled back. There was a knowing smirk on her lips as she peered into his eyes. "I bet you're one of the really self-righteous ones, aren't you? You probably think you're doing the world some huge favor, while you mindlessly go around killing every akuma you can like some rapid wild dog. You're hardly better than an akuma yourself-"

Kanda's fist clenched, and before he could stop himself he had drawn out Mugen. Road was quick though, and just as Kanda had whipped out the sword the girl jumped back.

Road's movement was unnaturally graceful as she landed, and she looked at Kanda with amusement. "Such _anger_ ," She teased, before grinning. "If you wanted to play all you had to do was ask."

Kanda gritted his teeth. _Fuck_ , he was getting aggravated, and now this Road person was just screwing with him. "I'm _not_ going to ask again – so tell me: who are you and why the hell did you bring me here?"

Road grinned. "I already told you – I'm Road," She said. Then, just as Kanda thought he had seen before, her eyes shifted color. They _changed_. Suddenly, they were no longer purple, but a cat-like gold that seemed to burn threateningly. Road's skin darkened, changing from pale porcelain to deep umber. Several cross markings appeared on her forehead.

Stiffening, Kanda felt a sense of déjà vu. He had seen someone with a similar appearance before.

Noticing Kanda's reaction, Road spoke. "What's wrong?" She asked. Her words were laced with mock concern. "You look a little pale."

Road hadn't technically answered Kanda's questions, but he no longer needed her to do so to know that she was certainly _not_ human. The skin color, the eye color, the markings…they were all the same the man Kanda had seen the night Alma disappeared had. The man who was somehow linked to what had happened to Alma. And Road was linked to that man – she _had_ to be.

Would she know where Alma was? Would she know what had happened to him? Suddenly, Kanda was overwhelmed by these questions, which threatened to make him crazy.

A few candles hovered beside Road. They were all a startling crimson color, deep and blazing. Like the majority of the candles that were hanging about the air, they too were cone-shaped. "Here. Let me add some color to you," She suggested, before giving a small wave of her hand. The candles then shifted so their points faced Kanda, before they shot at him like a dart.

Immediately, Kanda's reflexes kicked in, and he jumped out of the way as the candles whizzed past him. He just barely managed to keep his footing, and looked up just to see that the candles had actually turned and were flying _back_ at him. _'Shit,'_ He cursed, before he readied Mugen. He had no idea how he was going to deflect several, dagger-like candles zooming toward him, but-

The candles stopped, just inches from Kanda.

Confused, Kanda blinked. He then heard the shrill, high laughter of Road, and immediately glared over at her.

Road was cackling. "Oh wow, if only you could have seen the look on your face!" She laughed. "It was _soooo_ priceless!"

Finally calming down, Road continued. "Don't worry. I'm not going to kill you. That would take the fun out of everything. You humans are far too much fun to kill off so quickly."

Road paused, and glanced around the dark space. "I'm bored here – let's go somewhere else."

Kanda blinked just for a millisecond – however, that millisecond was all it took for the scenery to completely change. Somewhat stunned by the abrupt shift in environment, Kanda looked around. He was no longer in the dark void that the cabin had been a mask for, and the strange, carnival-esque candles were gone. Now, Kanda was _outside_. Not outside the cabin. Kanda was outside somewhere else, where it was bright and sunny and it looked like _spring_.

Was it spring? Kanda quickly discarded the notion – no, it was _winter_. There had been snow the last time Kanda was outside, and the sky had been gray and colorless. As he looked around, none of that seemed to be the case any longer; the sky was blue, and the grass was green. There were an array of flowers as well, and Kanda was brought to the realization that he was in some type of garden. Except…

 _'There's no smell,'_ Kanda realized, with a frown. That was strange. Why was there no scent in the air? Why was there no trace of the musty pollen that would occasionally make a person sneeze, or the pretty fragrance of fresh blossoms? Kanda could not even detect any trace of grass in the air, despite the fact that he was seeing it all before his very eyes.

He also noticed that Road had disappeared.

 _'Where…did she go?'_ Kanda wondered, not sure just where the pixie-like girl had run off to. He looked around, but didn't see her; instead, Kanda could only see the lovely scenery and the vibrant display of flowers everywhere. The beauty of his surroundings were hardly comforting though, and if anything they only put Kanda more on edge. He didn't trust Road, and he didn't trust anything about this garden. It was far too quiet to have truly been spring.

Knowing that simply standing around would have gotten him nowhere, Kanda started walking. He had no idea what he was looking for – maybe a way out? Where the hell _was_ he? Had Road brought him somewhere, or was this somehow a part of the cabin? Kanda wasn't sure, and he _hated_ not being sure of things.

 _'It's quiet here…'_ He noticed, his brow furrowing. There was no rustling of grass or even a hint of a breeze. Everything was just _stagnant_. Still. Lifeless. It almost creeped Kanda out more than the cabin had.

Logically, there had to be an end to the garden, right? Kanda wasn't sure just where to go, but theoretically if he just started walking then he would have to end up _somewhere_. He just hoped that "somewhere" would be away from this place.

As Kanda walked along, he eventually came to an area where there were high walls of shrubbery. Everything from hydrangeas to roses climbed up the walls, and for a moment Kanda's eyes wandered over to them. As creepy as the garden was, the flowers _were_ beautiful…

Stopping himself, Kanda shook the thought from his head. Why the hell was he allowing himself to get distracted by some _flowers_?

There was a protrusion Kanda could see up ahead, coming out of the shrubbery. Raising an eyebrow, Kanda approached it. As he got closer, he noticed it appeared to be some kind of sculpture. That was odd – Kanda had not taken this to be some kind of sculpture garden. Partly out of his own curiosity, Kanda stopped in front of the sculpture. It was a person, gray as though they were stone yet with a roughened texture. A frown appeared on Kanda's face; the roughness of the sculpture did not really seem to match up with the pretty elegance of the garden, and the face….Kanda didn't like it. The lips of the face were parted slightly, as though they were possibly trying to speak, and their eyes were empty. Hollow. Dead.

Kanda suppressed a shudder. He couldn't tell if the sculpture was supposed to be male or female, as vines and foliage confined them to the wall of shrubbery, leaving only the face visible.

Turning to keep on walking, Kanda looked to see that there were several more protrusions extending from the shrubbery wall ahead. Kanda his gut twist. Why did these sculptures make him feel so uneasy?

Continuing on, Kanda observed them. Each sculpture he passed looked identical in the way they were entrapped into the shrubbery wall, but sometimes the expressions varied. Some had their eyes closed, and looked as though they were sleeping. Meanwhile, there were a few that looked as though they were screaming. It was a gruesome display that was almost sickening, and Kanda could not fathom why anyone would want such work in a garden.

There was something else about the sculptures that Kanda noticed. As he had moved on, he had noticed there had been a slight shift in the color and texture of the faces. Some were less ashen, with their appearance closer to the color of pale flesh and…they didn't look as rough. They didn't look as decayed.

But they still looked dead.

Kanda paused in front of one. This particular sculpture was ashen-colored, but not as icily gray as the first few he had seen. Carefully, Kanda observed the face of this one. The eyes were blank, and _glassy_. They were lifeless, but they didn't look like stone. They looked…

 _'They look real…'_ Kanda thought, as a cold, sinking feeling befell him. Heart beginning to race, Kanda drew Mugen, and very cautiously tapped side of the blade against the side of the sculpture's face. He had intended to simply see if the sculpture _was_ stone, but unexpectedly the sculpture could not handle the light impact, and crumbled.

Quickly, Kanda retracted Mugen as he stepped back. _'That wasn't a sculpture…'_ He realized, as horrified shock appeared in his dark indigo eyes.

Had…had the sculpture been a _person_?

Kanda suddenly remembered the people who had disappeared because of the cabin.

A panic began to settle into Kanda, and he could feel his adrenaline pumping. He needed to get out of that garden and _fast_.

Speeding his pace, Kanda quickly started back on the route he had been going. He felt the desire to just run, but fought the urge; Kanda didn't know how vast this garden was, and he couldn't afford to burn himself out. He passed a few more sculptures, but Kanda quickly tried to walk on, finding it difficult to stomach the sight of them. God, was _Road_ doing this? _Why_?

 _'Because she's sick and sadistic. Whatever she is. Whatever that man is who looks like her…'_ Kanda thought as he clenched his jaw. _'That man who was responsible for…for…'_

Kanda stopped walking.

What had that strange man done again?

Kanda tensed. _'I can't remember,'_ He realized.

Kanda mentally backtracked. Road. Road wasn't human. Kanda had seen a man who shared the same physical characteristics as her, and therefore he wasn't human – Kanda had thought he was an akuma. And that man…had done something. Had something to piss off Kanda. But what?

Silently, Kanda panicked. He couldn't remember what had happened. He couldn't remember…

 _'What am I doing here?'_ Kanda asked himself, suddenly confused as to just _why_ he was in this garden. He had known just a few moments ago, yet now his mind seemed to have been filled with an uncomfortable blankness. It was as though a piece of his memory had been extracted from his mind, and left with nothing but a fog to replace it.

Despite this, Kanda still felt anxiety. He still felt the need to _get the hell out of that garden._ He couldn't stay. He couldn't remember why, but he _could not stay there._

 _'The sculptures. They're people,'_ He tried to remind himself, as he resumed his walking. _'You have to go. You have to go_ now _!_ '

However, as Kanda continued he gradually picked up the pace before he was soon running. He only paused when the shrubbery wall split into two different directions. On complete impulse, Kanda made a left. Then another. Soon, Kanda realized it wasn't just a garden he was in, but a _maze._

 _'Fuck, it's like it's never ending!'_ Kanda cursed to himself, not sure what to do. He felt like a rat in a trap, and was currently faced with another split in the shrubbery wall. Once again, he took a left, veering around the corner when abruptly ran into someone.

Kanda grunted, and staggered back. Composing himself quickly, he stood up, and he was unexpectedly faced with a pair of sky-colored eyes.

Alma's eyes.

Kanda froze, staring in stunned silence as he looked at the young man before him. Reflecting Kanda's shock, Alma also stared back, looking as though he could hardly believe Kanda was there. A few seconds passed with neither young men speaking. Kanda would have, but he hardly knew what to say, and he could not shake the fear that this was some kind of dream or illusion.

Alma spoke though. His words were hesitant, and unsure, but his voice was clear. "Y..Yuu?" He asked, as though he weren't certain if it were actually Kanda standing before him.

Mutely, Kanda nodded. Before he could react, he felt Alma pull him into a sudden embrace. Initially, Kanda's body tensed, but unable to resist Alma, Kanda found himself slowly wrapping his arms around the other young man. The embrace did not last long though, as soon Alma pulled away. There was a smile on his face – a smile that immediately caused Kanda's heart to ache, but why?

Still somewhat stunned, Kanda struggled to speak. "Alma…what are you…?"

Alma's eyes looked down, and he hesitated before answering. "Ah…um…" He started, trailing off slightly. "I…don't really know. It's like I just woke up here," He explained, seeming to understand just what Kanda had intended to ask. "I couldn't find anyone else. It's just…empty here."

Alma looked back up at Kanda, and a small, relieved smile was on his face. "But you're here! I'm so happy to see you, Yuu."

Kanda stared. Alma was right there in front of him, so shouldn't Kanda have been happy? When was the last time that Kanda had actually _seen_ Alma? Hadn't they been in the village together? Had they been leaving Suman's? Kanda struggled to recall exactly – everything was blank in his mind.

Noticing Kanda's silence, confusion laced Alma's features. "Yuu, what's wrong?" He asked, his words gentle. "You're happy to see me too, right?"

Alma's words seemed to snap Kanda from his daze. "Uh, yeah," Kanda added quickly, earning another relieved smile from Alma. Kanda's lips remained in a small frown though. "This place…we need to leave."

Alma blinked, and looked away. Kanda's brow furrowed. "What's wrong?" He asked, not too keen on the expression Alma was giving.

Hesitantly, Alma's eyes flicked back to Kanda. "Yuu. There's…no end to it. Everything just goes on," Alma explained. "I've been looking for a way out ever since I woke up here, and it's _endless._ "

Kanda shook his head. "There _has_ to be a way out. We can't just stay here," Kanda insisted, before taking Alma's hand. "Come on."

Pulling Alma along, Kanda started back down the path. He still felt an inch to be quick, but kept his pace moderate since he was still holding Alma's hand. Kanda wasn't sure why, he had the sudden desire to keep Alma close.

 _'It's odd. I can't seem to remember anything before this garden…'_ Kanda mused to himself, unsure of what was causing the memory lapse. Had he been in the village just before now? Did Tiedoll know he was gone? Or had Kanda been somewhere else? The blanks were increasing, and it was very unnerving.

Turning back, Kanda glanced at Alma. "What's the last thing you remember?" Kanda asked, wondering if perhaps Alma could somehow jog his memory.

Alma's eyes moved to Kanda. "I don't really know. It's all kind of blurred together," He said, his words uncertain. However, there was a notable cautiousness to the way Alma answered that caused Kanda to look at him curiously.

For a moment, Kanda said nothing. Something seemed….off. He wasn't sure what exactly, but something just didn't _feel_ right. "Okay, well let's keep moving," Kanda finally pressed on.

A few moments passed of them walking in silence, and the whole time Kanda felt on edge. He had finally let go of Alma's hand, which had felt strange in his grasp for some reason. However, Kanda was still keeping close to Alma. He just had this irrational and overwhelming fear that if Alma didn't stay close that he would just _disappear._ But where was that fear coming from?

They eventually came to a path, and Kanda recognized it as the initial path he had been on earlier. He immediately recognized the sculptures, and something in his memory twitched. "Alma, stay away from the walls," Kanda instructed lowly, as they moved on. Alma said nothing.

They started passing several more "sculptures", although these seemed more lifelike than the first few Kanda had seen. Once again, he attempted to avoid looking at them. How had these people gotten here? _Shit,_ it felt like more pieces of Kanda's memories were slipping with each passing second-

Kanda stopped walking.

Alma looked at Kanda. "What is it?" He asked, sounding unsure as to why Kanda had stopped.

Kanda did not respond at first. Instead, he was looking at one of the protrusions from the shrubbery wall. A face peered through, this one with the eyes closed and the expression one of being in a deep slumber. The face was youthful, and Kanda immediately recognized it as a girl. A girl he had seen before.

 _'…Angela..?'_ Kanda wondered, not sure where the name was coming from. The name didn't feel right though. _'No…this…this girl isn't named Angela….'_

A memory vaguely flashed through Kanda's mind. A girl, ill and with a fever, who spoke of a missing sister. A missing _twin_ sister.

"Sophia…" Kanda spoke aloud, as the name unexpectedly came back to him. He couldn't remember _when_ or _where_ he had crossed paths with the girl in his memory, but the tiny jog was enough to spark alarm within Kanda. Without warning Kanda swiftly started to try to pull the vines and foliage off of the girl, who still had a slightly flush of life to her cheeks. _'She's alive,'_ Kanda realized with shock.

Alma appeared startled by Kanda's sudden action. "What are you doing?" He asked, words sharp with surprise.

Kanda was still trying to tear away the foliage, which tightly confined the girl. "This girl is _alive_ – we can't just l _eave_ her here," Kanda answered. The vines and leaves continued to clasp at Sophia though, and Kanda let out a frustrated sigh before drawing Mugen. "Fuck this," He cursed, "I'm cutting her out."

Kanda was prepared to use Mugen to start hacking off the different vines and plant tendrils, when Alma unexpectedly took Kanda's arm. Caught of guard by the action, Kanda turned to give Alma a frustrated look. "Why are you stopping me?" He demanded, not sure why Alma was preventing him from getting the girl out.

Alma looked at Kanda pleadingly. "Yuu, it's no use – those plants won't let her go," Alma tried to explain. He held onto Kanda's arm tightly. "You shouldn't even be _touching_ those – you could end up just like her!"

Surprise flickered in Kanda's eyes. He hadn't expected Alma to be so against him helping someone. "Alma…" Kanda spoke, those his words somewhat trailed. "Alma, she's _alive._ I'm not leaving some defenseless girl to die here."

To this, Alma said nothing at first. He briefly looked away, though he was still holding onto Kanda's hand in a manner that was almost childlike. His eyes somewhat clouded, Alma spoke quietly. "She's just going to die though. Everyone here dies. You can't save her."

There was a subtle bitterness to the way Alma spoke, and it completely baffled Kanda. This didn't sound like the Alma he knew. Before Kanda could open his mouth to speak, Alma beat him to it, and looked back at Kanda. "Yuu, we're going to die here too."

Alma's words completely shocked Kanda. _'What…?'_ Kanda wondered, almost too dumbfounded to say anything.

Suddenly, Alma pulled Kanda into an embrace. "Yuu, let's just spend as much time as we can together," Alma whispered, his words eerily gentle. "There are flowers here. Really pretty flowers…"

Kanda froze. This wasn't right. Something wasn't right. This…this wasn't like Alma. But it had to be Alma, right? _'It…it has to be Alma…'_

More than anything, Kanda wanted to hold Alma. More than anything Kanda wanted to take Alma into his arms and never let him go. For whatever reason that Kanda couldn't recall, he was just _scared_. He was scared of losing Alma. Of never seeing Alma again. _'Alma…did something happen to you? I can't remember…'_ Kanda thought, frustrated with himself for not being able to remember anything.

Slowly, Kanda felt himself wrapping his arms around Alma again. However, there was a strange, instinctive resistance Kanda had to fight in order to do so. God, Kanda wanted to hold Alma yet it felt so _wrong._

For a second, Kanda closed his eyes. He didn't feel like he was embracing Alma.

"Alma," Kanda spoke, words slow, "Are…there forget-me-nots? Those are your favorite flowers, and the ones you always said you liked to think of yourself as, right?"

Still hugging Kanda, Alma smiled, as his eyes flickered over to him. "Yeah, silly. You know those are my favorites," Alma responded, voice oddly light and teasing.

A chilling revelation filled Kanda, and his chest tightened.

In one swift movement, Kanda pushed Alma away.

Shock spilled onto Alma's features, as he stared at Kanda, clearly stunned by the sudden action Kanda had taken. "Yuu, what are you-"

"You're _not_ Alma," Kanda accused. His voice was low, and almost a growl. It wasn't Alma who was standing in front of him.

The Alma look-alike smirked, and his eyes flashed gold. "Looks like you're more observant than I gave you credit for – what gave me away?"

Kanda's teeth clenched. He felt sick, and the sight of Alma standing there…Kanda really felt like he might break something given that he was so _pissed off_. The trickery that had just taken place all but made Kanda's blood boil, and he felt a venomous anger pulsate through his blood as he glowered at the Alma look-alike. "Alma has never once mentioned forget-me-nots. His favorite flowers are _lotuses_ ," Kanda explained, his gaze dark. "That and Alma would _never_ leave someone behind to die. He's not that kind of person, _Road_."

The doppelganger grinned. "Aren't you clever?" He – _it_ – asked, its words taunting and playful. "Too bad that cleverness won't do you any good now."

Just then, Kanda felt something grab a hold of his ankles. He barely had any time to react before he was suddenly pulled back violently against the shrubbery wall, as several vines wrapped around his torso. He nearly dropped Mugen in the process, but just barely managed to hold on – Kanda quickly began trying to pry the vines off of him.

The Alma look-alike looked at Kanda with amusement. "Oh, there's no point in struggling. You'll end up like her in a good few hours," It informed, before nodding its head – _Alma's_ head – over in Sophia's direction.

Kanda glared. "Where's the real Alma?"

The fake Alma shrugged. "How should I know? I can only tap into people's dreams, and in this case your dream is to see him," The doppelganger noted, before grinning. "It's so sweet – I'm surprised you're actually such a sentimental person."

Kanda gritted his teeth. He was all but _seething_ at this point, and the _stupid vines_ were not helping at all.

His eyes moved back to the false Alma, and Kanda's stomach lurched. It disgusted Kanda to see some copy of Alma in this dream-like prison. "Would you _stop looking like that already?_ " Kanda snarled, unable to contain his venom.

The doppelganger laughed. "Aw, but it's so much more _entertaining_ to watch your face when I look like this. I mean you didn't even _question_ seeing him to begin with," It spoke, words icy and cold and yet strangely sounding like Alma's voice. It was beginning to mess with Kanda, and it didn't help that he was feeling groggy.

 _'Crap, what's with these vines?'_ Kanda thought, his eyes briefly flickering over to Sophia, who was hanging limply in the plants. Was that what was going to happen to Kanda next?

"Feeling tired?" It asked, eyes sky-blue and painfully familiar. "That's normal. It never takes long for you humans to snuff out like little candles. You exorcists included," The fake Alma spoke, before leaning in so its face was right in front of Kanda's. "You all think you're so strong because God gave you innocence, as if you're his _chosen_ ones."

Its words were scalding, but Kanda struggled to respond. His vision was blurring.

The doppelganger placed a hand on Kanda's jaw, and Kanda dully noticed how its hands felt like that of a corpse. Smiling, the doppelganger roughly pulled forward Kanda's face so that Kanda was forced to look it in the eyes – into _Alma's_ eyes.

 _'Alma…'_ Kanda thought, trying to focus. It looked _so much_ like him…

"Doesn't it make you feel good," The doppelganger started, words piercing like a freshly-sharpened blade, "To know what a total _failure_ you are?"

Kanda's fist clenched. _'Shut up…'_

Despite Kanda's lack of speech, the double still managed to notice Kanda's silent wrath. If anything, this only spurned the doppelganger into further taunting.

Still holding Kanda's face, it smirked. "You're such a _pathetic_ weakling. And that's why I'm going to make sure that each and every one of you die-"

There was the sound of a blade piercing flesh.

Shock spilled onto the false Alma's face, eyes slightly wide and lips parted. In its abdomen was a blade – Kanda's blade. Having still been grasping Mugen, Kanda had shoved the sword directly into the double, his hand shaking slightly as he still held it there. Kanda's chest trembled; he felt like he wanted to throw up.

 _'It's not Alma,'_ He reminded himself, _'It's not really Alma.'_

He kept telling himself this. He had to – he had to, because how else could he cope with the fact that he _had just stabbed Alma_? _'It's not real,'_ Kanda again told himself, ' _It's a lie. It's a fucking_ illusion _.'_

It wasn't Alma. It couldn't be Alma. Alma wasn't like this – Alma wasn't _heartless_. Kanda had to remind himself that Alma would never say such terrible things, and that this…this _thing_ was nothing more than some messed-up trick to get inside Alma's head. _'It even acknowledged it wasn't Alma,'_ Kanda reminded himself, _'So it's fine. Alma's fine. Alma is somewhere else…'_

Kanda told himself this, yet he hardly felt any better.

Would he be able to look up? Kanda realized he hadn't looked up since he stabbed the double. He hadn't been able to.

 _'I have to know though…'_ Kanda though, clenching his teeth. He swallowed what tasted like bile in the back of his throat, and his dark blue eyes looked up.

It was Road his blade was sticking into, and not Alma.

Road was looking at Kanda. There was still shock on her face, as though she could hardly believe that Kanda had actually _stabbed_ the person that Kanda evidently cared so much about. But then her expression shifted, and she smirked. "Looks like I underestimated you," She spoke, her words strangely soft. "Let's play again soon…"

Suddenly, Road's body became translucent. It faded, and soon there was no trace of her left – even Mugen was left bloodless and untouched.

Kanda looked around in confusion. "Where did she…"

Before Kanda could even really process what was going on, the whole scenery faded, and melted back into what looked to be the inside of a house – a _cabin._ With this, the shrubbery wall had also disappeared though, and Kanda immediately felt to the ground once the vines evaporated into nothingness. He grunted as he fell onto the hardwood floor, and rubbed his arm; he had landed on it a little awkwardly, but it was nothing severe.

Off to the side, there was a shift in movement. Kanda turned, and saw Sophia lying on the ground. Unexpectedly, a wave of memories came flooding back to Kanda: the strange town, the man, Angela, the akuma in the woods…

The night Alma disappeared.

 _'I remember now,'_ Kanda thought, feeling both relief at having his memories back and dismay at what some of them entailed. He attempted not to focus as much on them though and instead turned his attention to Sophia.

"Sophia?" Kanda asked, keeping his voice somewhat soft so as not to startle her.

Sophia had just barely lifted her head, and seemed to be struggling to get up any more. Her eyes barely blinked open, but there was a look of confusion on her face. "W..Where am I?" She asked, before her voice became panicked. "Where's my sister?"

Seeing that she was becoming distressed, Kanda went over to her. "Your sister is fine," He reassured. Kanda then hesitated for a second, before he added, "I'll take you home."

The young girl was stunned, and could only nod. As Kanda helped her up, his eyes moved over to the corner of the cabin, where he noticed something disturbing. In place of the other bodies that had been trapped within the shrubbery walls were now piles of bones and ashes – _human_ bones and ashes. Kanda was careful to make sure to keep Sophia turned away from it.

As Kanda helped the girl along, he paused momentarily to re-sheathe Mugen. He stopped midway though, when he noticed something off. On Mugen's blade was a crack – nothing large, but it was long, and seemed to extend from the base of the handle and into the blade. Kanda frowned. When had _that_ happened?

He didn't have time to think about it, since he now had some traumatized girl he needed to get home. Silently, he re-sheathed Mugen.

Kanda would worry about it later. 

* * *

"Has anyone seen my _Road?!_ "

Tyki was fighting the urge to break something. "Sheril, she's _fine_ ," Tyki tried to explain. "You're acting like she's never disappeared for a bit before."

The other man, Sheril, paused. His long hair was slicked back, but the two strands in front seemed to swish around with each and every erratic movement he made. The man had been pacing wildly, as his golden eyes seemed to flash in anxiety.

Suddenly, Sheril stopped. "But she's so cute and _little!_ She shouldn't be away from me without any protection – what kind of father would I be?"

A third individual groaned. He was a young man who looked as though he could have been somewhere in his teenage years, with the same dark skin and piercing yellow eyes. However, unlike Sheril and Tyki who had dark hair, this young man had snowy platinum blonde hair. A striped bandana was tied around his head, and instead of the simple cross markings Tyki and Sheril had on their foreheads this man had an odd third eye, golden and in the center of his forehead. He was currently rested his forehead in his hand though, and only looked up to glare at Sheril. "Will you _shut uppppp?_ "

Sheril stopped to glare back. "Wisely! If you want me to shut up then _why don't you get inside of Road's head and see where she is!?"_

"How can I if you won't _shut up and let me concentrate!?"_

Tyki grimaced. Between Sheril's whining about keeping Road safe (which was _totally_ unnecessary given what a sadistic little demon the girl could be) and Wisely's grouching over his _headaches_ , Tyki was ready to shut them both up permanently.

Someone approached Tyki frm behind. "Why is there so much _yelling_ coming from here?" A familiar, bell-like voiced asked.

Tyki turned, and was mildly surprised to see it was Road standing beside him, looking perfectly fine and perfectly annoyed.

Sheril immediately ceased his bickering, and practically flew over to where Road was. "Oh, Road! I'm so glad your safe!"

Road rolled her eyes. "Of course I'm safe. Why wouldn't I be?"

As Sheril gushed over how happy he was that Road was perfectly fine, Tyki glanced at Road. She actually had disappeared for a bit longer than normal, so he honestly was a bit curious as to where she had gone. "Where _have_ you been?" Tyki finally asked, with light interest.

Road's eyes moved back to Tyki, and she smiled. "I think I ran into that exorcist you were talking about," She answered, with feigned sweetness. "He was fun."

Pausing, Road looked away. There was a contemplative look in her eyes before she spoke again, her lips still upturned into a smile. "And I think I broke his innocence." 

* * *

**A/N:** I had planned to post this sooner, but I've been really sick for the past few days (really I haven't felt well the past two weeks almost), so I was a bit out of commission. I'm hoping to get the writing back up this week though. 3

This chapters WAS really exciting to write. I enjoyed it a lot, and honestly I hadn't planned for it to turn out this way at all (that seems to be a trend with this story I've noticed XD). I did want to use Road as the "witch" character for the SQ parallel, and that's actually hinted at back in the prologue (so like one of the few details I did get right) because she's the Noah of Dreams, and that just worked well in my head. In the original fairy tale the Witch messes with Gerda's memory, making her forget about her family and Kai. But the sight of roses make her remember again. Obviously I changed that completely, and used lotuses and forget-me-nots (forget-me-nots I chose primarily because they signify true love, and in medieval lore were given by a maiden to a knight so he would one day return to her - I thought it was a nice tie in, but I'm also a nerd).

Anywayssss. Happy reading. 3


	14. Interloper

**Lotus in the Snow (Snow Queen AU)**

 **Chapter Thirteen**  
 _Interloper_

When Alma woke up, he at first had no idea where he was. He was in that partially delirious state of not quite understanding just what was going on, or even if he were actually awake for that matter. Was he still dreaming? Alma had been having a really _crazy_ dream, and he could have still been in it. He had been in some strange room made of ice, and there had been a mirror. There had been a woman too – had she kissed him?

 _'That was a really weird dream…'_ Alma thought, as he blinked open his eyes. His vision blurred into focus, and he gradually became aware of his surroundings. It felt cold, though not _as_ cold as the dream Alma had had….but could a person feel things in dreams? Alma hadn't thought it were possible. Maybe he had just fallen asleep with the window open. He had done that a few times before; Tiedoll had lightly scolded him in a playful, joking manner after that about how Alma needed to be careful or else he would get sick one day.

Alma's back felt stiff. That was odd – was he on the floor? Still trying to focus his sight, Alma looked up and landed on a strange chandelier of icicles.

His eyes widened slightly, and he sat upright. Alma wasn't in his room. He was in the room he had dreamed of – or at least, the room that he _thought_ he had dreamed of. Looking around, Alma saw the familiar high walls that appeared to be glazed with ice, making their appearance shimmering and crystalline. Off to the side was the strange, teardrop mirror frame. A pile of glass shards remained beside it.

A silent dread filled Alma. It hadn't been a dream, and he was still here. Wherever "here" was.

 _'That woman. She didn't say where we were,'_ Alma quietly realized as he glanced around. What had all the woman said? Hardly anything, really. All Alma could remember her asking was if Alma could fix some weird mirror – the mirror off to the side – or if he wanted the woman to "slow the process."

Alma's breath stopped for a second, and he suddenly remembered his hands from before. God, did he _want_ to even know what his hands looked like now?

 _'Okay,'_ He tried to tell himself as he closed his eyes, ' _They're probably not that bad. Maybe they're back to normal.'_

Eyes still closed, Alma held a hand up in front of him. He took a small breath. _'Okay. On three, open your eyes. One. Two…'_

Alma finally blinked an eye open. Disappointment filled him as he saw that the strange blue appendages on his hand were still there. _'That part wasn't a dream….great…'_

Okay, he needed a plan. Weird, physical alterations or not, Alma needed to think a way to get out of that place. It was unsettling, and he couldn't just _stay_ there. He couldn't stay there to fix some mirror (which he had no idea how _anyone_ in their right mind could expect him to be able to do such a thing). Alma needed to leave, and he needed to leave _soon_.

Glancing around, Alma noticed the stillness of the room. There was not a breath of life fluttering about, or a flicker of a shadow. Everything was still; the room was empty. It was perfect for an escape.

Warily, Alma stood. He found it difficult to keep from looking back over his shoulder; he had this unnerving paranoia that the strange woman would appear again. What did that woman want from him? Why had she taken _him_? It made no sense to Alma, and he didn't but the whole explanation of her needing someone to re-piece a bunch of mirror shards for a second. It was _senseless_. Why couldn't she just get a new mirror?

Alma started walking. He took care to keep his steps as light as possible, which was actually easier than he had anticipated. Relief flooded him as he was able to avoid creating too much of an echo in the icy chamber, and his eyes soon landed on an entrance that led out of the room. From the lack of light, Alma imagined it didn't go outside – but if it got him out of the room that was one step closer than he had been to freedom.

Poking his head out the entrance, Alma looked around. At first, he was what stretched into a cavern of ice. The appearance of the ice was not as refined as it was in the room; everything appeared more raw, and natural in the cavern. Smooth ice covered the whole inside of the cavern, with icicles dangling from up above. Even in the dim lighting, they glittered, almost causing what little light was in the cavern to stretch further. But where was the light source even coming from?

Looking up, Alma walked on. He remained silent, but his eyes were fixated above. _'Light's filling this place somehow, but from where?'_ He thought, trying to looking for any kind of light source.

It wasn't until he looked a little ways down that Alma noticed what appeared to be light coming from somewhere above. Suddenly eager to see what the light source was, Alma forgot he was supposed to be trying to walk quietly and broke into a light run, not once stopping until he was under where the light spilled into the cavern. Eyes looking up, Alma saw a prominent crack that opened in the ceiling; through it, a stretch of blue sky appeared.

There was an abrupt blow to the back of Alma's head, causing him to cry out as he toppled over. He saw stars as he opened his eyes, and he rubbed the back of his head. "Ow…" He groaned, not sure just _what the hell_ had hit him from behind-

"And just _where_ do you think you're going?" A voice boomed, startling Alma. He didn't recognize whose voice it was – was there someone else here besides the strange woman and Alma?

Before Alma could respond or turn to see just who had caught him trying to leave, he felt a strong hand roughly grab the back of his jacket before he was jerked upward. Considering that Alma had just gotten hit in the head, the sudden movement caused the room to spin slightly, making him feel dizzy. "What the hell-" He started, but was cut off when the assailant suddenly hoisted Alma over their shoulder like an actual sack of potatoes.

The action flustered Alma, and he immediately struggled. "H-Hey! Put me down!" He shouted, both embarrassed at being hoisted up so easily and frustrated with having his attempt to leave foiled.

Alma's captor scoffed, and Alma attempted to lift his head enough so that he could turn to look at who they were. However, given the way he was being carried over their shoulder like a bag of flour there wasn't much Alma could see. The only thing he could make out was some of their body, which Alma noticed was incredibly burly and looked like the body of someone who could easily beat a person to a pulp – especially if said person was, say, about Alma's build.

 _'Damn it…'_ Alma silently groaned, as he sighed. Maybe escaping wouldn't he as easy as he had hoped.

The captor must have heard Alma's sigh, because they spoke once more. "Got something to say, brat?"

Alma stiffened with irritation. His mood was already soured with how he was being hauled around and carried back to the room, and the "brat" title he had just been given did not help anything. Glaring at the cavern that stretched behind them, Alma muttered a response as a pout lingered on his face. "Will you even listen if I say anything?"

In response to Alma's words, the captor tightened their grip around Alma's torso, instantly making it more difficult for him to breathe. "You won't have _anything_ to say if I crush your insides. Which I may do if you don't _stop being annoying._ "

Alma struggled to breathe, but the captor loosened their grip so he could at least get a _little_ air into him. He exhaled, and looked to see that the captor had now brought him back to the room he had woken up in. _'Back to square one-'_

The assailant threw Alma onto the ground, causing him to land gracelessly onto his back. He grunted, before he opened his eyes to glare viciously at who it was that seemed to think it was okay to keep tossing him around so carelessly. "What are you-"

Alma stopped speaking as he actually got a good look at who it was who had prevented him from escaping.

The person was large in stature, and looked as though they were made of solid muscle. They easily towered would easily tower over Alma even if he attempted to stand, and…well, they definitely looked like they could pound the shit out of Alma if they wanted to as well. Broad-shoulders and a shaved head, they had narrow eyes and a dark complexion. Alma's eyes immediately lingered on the face, then arms; traces of what appeared to be frost laced over their complexion, and their skin had an almost purple-ish, frost-bitten tint when Alma looked closely. _'Is he frozen…?'_

Then Alma noticed their body, and realized it wasn't a _he_ at all. He blinked, sweat-dropping. _'Oh, it's a she….'_

The assailant cracked her knuckles, and glowered at Alma. "You know, I really don't have the patience to chase your insolent ass around here. So I'm going to lay this out for you nice and clear so there aren't any misunderstandings, _brat_."

She leaned in close, causing Alma to tense. He half-expected her to sock him honestly, but instead the brawny woman spoke. "We have a few rules I'm going to give you. Rule one: _Don't_ leave. If I catch you even looking at that exit I'll make sure it's the last time you do."

Alma cringed. Somehow, he found it hard to believe the woman's words were a bluff.

"Rule two: Under no circumstances are you to disturb or show anything less than the utmost respect to my master. She's done you a great favor by bringing you here, so any further impertinence _won't_ be tolerated."

Hearing this "rule", Alma gritted his teeth. A _favor_? What favor had he been given by basically being _abducted_?A defiant glare burned through Alma's gaze as he met the woman's slanted ones. "I wouldn't call being _kidnapped_ a favor."

The woman's gaze was stone-cold, and for a moment Alma thought she was going to break his neck. However, her eyes simply narrowed. "Watch that tongue of yours, or I just may cut it out."

Alma shut his mouth after that.

Standing back upright so she was no longer leaning down, the woman crossed her arms. "Rule three," She started, as her eyes briefly flickered past Alma, "Is to spend every damn second you're here piecing together that mirror. I don't want to see any daydreaming or dawdling going on _period._ "

 _'Ugh, again with the mirror,'_ Alma thought.

What was wrong with everyone here? Did these people seriously think _anyone_ could piece together a thousand broken shards of glass like some intensive jigsaw puzzle? Alma had always thought he was pretty solid at repairing things, but this was just absurd.

Alma rose to his feet, glaring daggers at the woman who towered over him. "Look, I already told your _master_ that I can't do it – _no one_ can do that! Anyways, why don't you just get another mirror?!"

Forcefully, the woman grabbed Alma by the front of his shirt. She yanked him forward, and he immediately grabbed at the hand she was using to pull him. Her grip was like a rock that had been frozen though, and her fingers wouldn't budge. Alma happened to notice that even his nails, which for whatever reason seemed _sharper_ than the last time he had looked at them, were not even affecting her.

For a second, the woman held onto Alma, refusing to let him go as she stared darkly at him. When she finally spoke, her words were frosty. "It can't be replaced. So if you don't want to be here for an eternity, get your ass moving now and _fix it._ "

With that, she abruptly dropped Alma. He barely managed to catch himself, stumbling somewhat, but landed on his feet still.

Glancing at the woman, Alma scowled. He didn't like the way she was bossing him around; it made him feel worthless, and reminded him of the way people had treated him when he was younger. "Gypsy vermin" they called him – that along with just about every other derogatory name Alma could think of.

Since the woman was still looking at Alma warningly, Alma realized that he was in this situation at a disadvantage. He doubted he could put up a fight against this stranger, and even if he did get away…where would he go? Alma didn't know where he was, and the village…

Alma turned and went over to where the mirror frame was. Just as he remembered, the pile of broken shards were there, gleaming in an almost taunting way. _'This will take forever…'_ Alma thought, as he ran a hand through his hair. _'I mean I always liked puzzles when I was younger, but this is crazy…'_

Sitting down cross-legged, Alma did the only thing he could do and started to pick out the pieces one by one. It would be an absolute pain, but there was no way he would be able to figure out just which piece went where until he at least had them laid out on the floor to mix and match.

As he started to carefully pull the shards out of the pile, he heard the woman move. Glancing back briefly, Alma saw that she was leaning against an ice pillar with her arms crossed.

The woman raised an eyebrow expectantly at Alma, as though she were silently asking why Alma wasn't working. Alma quietly huffed as he turned back to the pile of mirror shards. "Do you _have_ to watch me like that?" He asked, with annoyance lacing his words.

Eyes narrowing, the woman spoke. "And risk you being stupid enough to try to run away again? I don't think so."

Alma took a breath before exhaling. This woman was vexing, and it wasn't helping that she kept _insulting_ Alma. Brow furrowing, he kept his eyes on the mirror pieces as he went back to sorting them out. "I still don't get how this is supposed to be a _favor…_ "

The woman snorted. "Well, it is. So stop whining about it."

 _'Geez…'_ Alma thought, as he tried to focus on the mirror shards. It was a difficult thing to do though; aside from the fact that sorting through bits of broken glass was _painfully_ tedious, Alma also felt anxious. Restless. He still had no idea what was going on, or why he was being forced to work on some broken mirror (that he likely would _never_ be able to finish), and now he had some scary-looking woman _watching_ him like a guard dog.

 _'She can't watch me forever though. Sooner or later she'll have to sleep or something,'_ Alma thought, trying to reassure himself. There would be a chance to get away. There _had_ to be a chance.

Until then, Alma would be trapped. 

* * *

_He was in that garden again. Walls of shrubbery with flowers lining the different pathways, Kanda was once again stuck in that god-forsaken garden. How long had he been there? How long had he been there, wandering alone with no idea where to turn next? He couldn't remember, but Kanda could never remember anything when he was in this place – and it_ scared _him._

 _He was walking when someone unexpectedly took hold of him. Immediately tensing, Kanda turned, with shock painting his expression as he saw none other than Alma standing before him. Alma, who abruptly pulled a stunned Kanda into a tight embrace._

 _"I'm so happy to see you, Yuu," Alma spoke, words gentle. He then pulled away, as his eyes met Kanda's. "You're happy to see me too, right?"_

 _Kanda stiffened._

'This…doesn't feel right…I've had this feeling before…' _He thought, not sure just what exactly was wrong. He was torn between his own instincts to pull way, and his own desire to embrace Alma; his heart felt as though it were ripping itself apart attempting to make a decision, and for this reason Kanda couldn't move. His body was paralyzed, and his mind raced._

 _Alma did not appear to notice Kanda's reservation. "Yuu, let's just spend as much time as we can together," Alma whispered, his words eerily gentle. "There are flowers here. Really pretty flowers…"_

 _God, those words were so familiar…but where had Kanda heard them before?_

 _Alma continued. "Yuu…we're going to die here. Let's die together, okay?"_

'It's not Alma,' _A voice seemed to whisper in the back of Kanda's mind. '_ It's _not_ Alma.'

Kanda's hand gripped the hilt of his sword, which seemed to tremble in his grasp.

'Damn it, Innocence,' _Kanda begged, '_ Don't make me do this…'

 _He could feel Mugen's energy – he could feel Mugen's_ will _. Kanda had never noticed it before, but somehow Mugen just felt alive. It felt alive, and it felt as though it were calling him to act in that moment as an exorcist._

'It's not Alma,' _The voice continued to whisper to Kanda._ 'It's an _akuma.'_

 _Kanda wanted to shake his head. No, Alma wasn't an akuma…_

 _"Yuu, what's wrong? I thought you wanted to be together," Alma spoke, breaking Kanda's train of thought. He brushed a hand against Kanda's back, and Kanda immediately tensed; Alma's nails felt unusually sharp. Claw-like._

'No, don't make me do this…'

 _Kanda didn't want to move; he knew what Mugen wanted him to do. He knew what his hand wanted to do. More than anything, Kanda strained to fight it. It didn't matter what Alma was – it was still_ Alma-

 _There was a sudden movement. Was it Alma, or Kanda? Kanda didn't know, but somehow someone had attacked. Kanda dodged as Alma swiped at him, before Kanda swung Mugen. An endless cycle of movements ensued – endless yet quick, but how was that possible?_

 _A blade slashed across flesh, before piercing inward. Dark indigo eyes met sky blue ones, the latter filled with confusion and hurt._

 _"Yuu, why?"_

 _Kanda couldn't answer. His mouth felt dry. Mugen was skewering Alma in a way it shouldn't have._

 _"Yuu…?"_

'I'm sorry,' _Kanda wanted to say._ 'I'm so sorry…'

Kanda's eyes shot open as he bolted upright. His breath ragged, Kanda could feel his chest shaking slightly, as though his ribs were brittle twigs shuddering in the wind. _'Fuck,'_ He thought. His skin felt clammy, with cold moisture lingering on his back. For a second, he worried it was blood – the irrational fear that had come with the nightmare distorted Kanda's rationale, and he instinctively reached to feel his back. He exhaled when he realized it was only his own sweat.

Despite this, Kanda's body continued to feel shaky. His nerves were rattled, and his heart was racing. He ran a hand through his hair before he rested part of his face in the palm of his hand. _'Stupid nightmare…'_

A stupid nightmare that was _torturing_ Kanda. How long had he been having it now? It had been several days since he left Dankern, and continued on his route. But each night had been restless for Kanda, as he had found himself repeatedly plagued by the same dream. Ever since he had seen Alma in that weird cabin…

 _'It wasn't Alma. Stop thinking that,'_ Kanda told himself. _'It was Road…or whatever she calls herself…'_

Damn it, Kanda hadn't even gotten any answers from her either. He had intended to; she resembled that man who Kanda had seen with Alma just before he was taken. Road had indicated she didn't know where Alma was, but hell, Kanda could have at least found _something_ more out.

Kanda glanced around. He was wide-awake now, despite the weariness of his body. Presently, he was camping out in some old empty barn. From the looks of it, no one had been around for a long time either. For this reason Kanda had assumed it was safe. Since he had started wandering on his own a few years ago he had learned to tell the signs of when somewhere appeared safe enough to crash for the night. He had started a small fired earlier, but now only embers remained.

It was still dark. Kanda could see the faint sliver of moonlight through some of the wallboards, which had loosened with age. It was still nighttime.

Kanda exhaled, feeling frustrated. He knew he wouldn't be able to sleep, and he was too restless to waste his time sitting around. Grabbing his hair string, he tied his hair back before he started making sure he had all of his things together.

He paused when he took Mugen, and briefly unsheathed it. The crack in the blade was still there, prominent and stretching outward. It was an unpleasant black color, and the way it traced from the handle and the base of the blade reminded Kanda of some kind of vein. The sight was really quite nauseating, primarily because Kanda wasn't sure just _what_ had caused the damage to his sword. He hadn't used it since he stabbed Alm-

Road. He hadn't used it since he'd stabbed _Road_. But that shouldn't have caused such damage to occur with Mugen, so what had?

 _'Unless she did something…'_ Kanda thought with a frown.

Kanda had been fortunate he had not needed to use Mugen since that altercation. He wasn't sure what state Mugen was in, and now that his sword had a blasted _crack_ in it, he honestly felt wary over how it would fare the next time he needed it.

Re-sheathing it, Kanda stood and grabbed his bag. He hardly gave the empty barn a second glance before he ventured back outside, where the air was still cold. But as time had passed, the winter had become milder, with January sweeping by. There was still snow on the ground, but it was lighter, with patches of cold mud and dirt peering through.

By this point in his journey, Kanda had gone west enough that he was probably getting closer to the North Sea. He had finished cutting through Germany and was now heading into the Dutchlands. It would still be a few days before he reached the actual coast, but given that he still didn't know an _exact_ location meant that it could take Kanda even longer to find anyone from the Order. He contemplated passing through Amsterdam – would it be possible someone from the Order could be stationed there? It wasn't on the west coastline, but it was a larger city, and would probably have more people passing through. There was thus a chance someone from the Order could have been there.

 _'Guess I'll just have to find out…'_ Kanda thought as he started walking.

The moon was high in the sky. Kanda wasn't sure what time it was, but it had definitely been the middle of the night when he had started walking. He had been traveling for an hour and it was _still_ dark out. The area was wooded, but not as heavily as when he had been near Dankern. This made it a bit easier to navigate.

Still, Kanda found himself hoping he would pass through a town soon. It didn't guarantee complete avoidance of any akuma, but it would definitely decrease the chances. Not that Kanda was _afraid_ of them – but he had to keep in mind how Mugen was doing, which wasn't good.

 _'Of all the damn times for this innocence to screw up on me…'_ Kanda quietly seethed, irritated by how immensely inconvenient the situation was. _'Like it really couldn't have happened at a worse time-'_

There was a sudden flash of light in the distance, and Kanda stopped mid-thought. His eyes looked upward, where the light had flashed through some of the tree tops. _'Lightning?'_ Kanda questioned silently, before dismissing the thought. _'No, it can't be – the sky is clear.'_

Eyes narrowing, Kanda frowned. Well, _that_ wasn't a good sign.

Instincts reeling, Kanda took a breath as his hand brushed against Mugen. _'Don't fail me now.'_

With great caution, Kanda continued on. He hadn't been certain as to which direction the light had come from. It had occurred so suddenly that it could have been from anywhere. This caused Kanda to be on edge; he didn't like being caught off guard, and he needed to keep his eyes and ears open in order to avoid any unpleasant surprises. It was incredibly quiet though, and even after a few minutes of walking Kanda had not seen or heard anything else that was abnormal.

 _'That's weird,'_ Kanda thought, _'But I know I saw something…'_

There was a shift in the darkness, and Kanda stiffened. Eyes immediately zeroing in on where the motion had been, he remained still until a figure emerged from behind the trees. Instinctively, Kanda's hand went to the hilt of his sword, despite his previous reservations about using Mugen, and he drew his sword quickly. Unable to risk being attacked, Kanda made the first move, and swung at the stranger.

Kanda's attack was immediately blocked. Preventing his sword from moving any further, it was…wait, was that a hammer?

"Woah! Easy there – you look like you're about to slice someone up with that thing. And by someone, I mean me."

Kanda eyed the speaker cautiously. He saw it was a young man who looked to be around his age with vibrantly red hair. The guy wore a bandana, and his eyes were a piercing emerald green – er, his _eye_. Kanda noticed the young man was wearing an eye patch over his right eye, which caused his appearance to be even more peculiar. A rusty-colored scarf was wrapped around his neck, and Kanda saw the redhead was mostly dressed in black.

He smiled at Kanda innocently. Kanda didn't really trust him though.

Still skeptical, Kanda forced himself to relax, and pulled back his sword. He was still scowling, and saw that it definitely _was_ some kind of hammer that the guy had used to block his attack. "You have a reason for sneaking around like that?" Kanda asked, not even attempting to mask the biting nature to his words.

The redhead blinked, before shrugging. A smile appeared on his face that was annoyingly laid back. "I wouldn't call it sneaking around – it's not like I was sneaking up on anyone," He replied, his words casual and almost friendly. "Anyways, you got a reason for just attacking people? I mean, that's a sharp stick you're waving around, and I really can't wear _two_ eye patches."

Kanda scoffed. He was already on edge from his inability to sleep and all that had been hanging over his head the past few days. The casual demeanor of this stranger was only turning out to be annoying for Kanda above all else.

"Believe me. I wouldn't have bothered to aim for your _eye_ ," Kanda muttered darkly.

The guy winced. "Ouch. Right in the heart, I see," He commented, placing a hand over his heart.

Kanda rolled his eyes at the semi-dramatic action, and was about to snap at the young man. He stopped immediately as soon as the redhead pulled his hand away from his heart, of which Kanda noticed a silver rose cross pin on the jacket.

Recognition immediately filled Kanda's eyes, which widened slightly before his gaze flashed to the young man's face. "That cross-" He started, but was cut off. Mid-sentence there was a crack, similar to something being fired off. Something shot in-between Kanda and the young man; it was some kind of energy blast, with Kanda barely avoided. The scalding energy nearly grazed him, and Kanda instantly recognized the toxicity of the energy, and knew it was from that of an akuma.

Quickly, Kanda unsheathed Mugen. "Mugen, unsheathe!" He called, activating his innocence. There was an immediate shock he felt pulsating through his arm that burned, but Kanda ignored it, his eyes too focused on spotting the akuma. Sure enough there was an akuma present, hovering above Kanda and the redhead.

The akuma laughed – could it speak? Sometimes they could, but usually they didn't. This one, ugly and mechanical in its appearance, apparently had vocal chords though. "Oh lucky, lucky me – two exorcists!"

 _'Two…?'_ Kanda wondered, before he caught on, glancing briefly at the young man he had nearly attacked earlier.

Kanda didn't have any longer to process before the akuma dived down into an attack. The redhead jumped away, gripping his hammer. "Big hammer, little hammer, grow!"

The hammer suddenly increased in size, to the point where it shouldn't have even been _possible_ for the redhead to hold it; however, he seemed to have no problem and swung at the akuma. The akuma dodged, and the hammer nearly ended up hitting Kanda. Eyes widening, he jumped out of the way, rolling onto the ground before he scrambled back to his feet to shoot a vicious glare in the redhead's direction. "Watch where you're swinging that thing!"

This was stupid – how the hell was a _hammer_ supposed to be an effective weapon? Kanda gritted his teeth, and readied Mugen. _'Screw this – that guy's just going to get in the way,'_ Kanda thought, trying to focus on harnessing his own innocence. His eyes locked onto the akuma, which was sweeping past the two young men tauntingly.

"First illusion!" Kanda exclaimed, slashing Mugen across to release nine ghostly insects. Red eyes peering, then immediately attacked the akuma, which caused it to shriek as its movements were delayed.

By this point, the akuma was still higher up, but if it came down any closer Kanda would be able to get another attack in.

Sure enough, the initial attack Kanda had laid on the akuma caused it to waver, falling to the ground as it attempted to fight off the insects. Realizing that this was his chance, Kanda readied his sword. There was a throbbing in his arm, sharp and painful, but he ignored it, not wanting to risk losing focus. _'Come on, just let me attack the damn thing!'_

The redhead looked in Kanda's direction, and his visible eye widened slightly as he seemed to spot something. "Hey, wait-!"

Kanda wasn't listening. "Double illusion sword-"

 _Shock._

What felt like fire tore through Kanda's arm, causing his attack to falter. He hissed as his arm seared with pain, with the shock reaching all the way to his very heart. _'FUCK!'_ He shouted internally as he hissed. Knees buckling, Kanda fell to the ground. He still clung to Mugen's handle, and he panted, eyes moving to his sword. The crack had worsened, stretching to almost the tip of the blade and breaking out into smaller cracks.

At this point, the redhead stepped in, harnessing his hammer once more. "Fire seal!" He called, slamming his hammer down. Around him several strange marks appeared on the ground in red, before a sudden burst of flames were released. The flames formed into a snake-like creature, which threw itself into the weakened akuma, engulfing it in its flames. The akuma screeched, before the fire burned through it, soon extinguishing itself out and leaving nothing but a pile of ashes behind.

Kanda struggled to catch his breath. God, his chest _hurt_ – it had never hurt this badly before. Grimacing, Kanda tried to ignore the way his body ached as he stood.

"Be careful there!" The redhead admonished, earing an irritable look from Kanda. He had run over to where Kanda was and had almost looked liked he was going to help Kanda up – however, with the glare Kanda shot at him the young man backed down, keeping a safe distance. "You look like you got hurt pretty badly, so you probably shouldn't stand abruptly or anything."

Kanda rolled his eyes, standing anyways. His legs felt weak, but it wasn't impossible. Soon enough the pain would fade too…at least, Kanda hoped so. "I'm fine," Kanda replied, voice gruff and somewhat tense.

With mild disbelief the redhead raised an eyebrow before looking down to Kanda's sword. "Sure you are – and your innocence looks absolutely _flawless_ , while we're at it," He commented, though Kanda didn't miss the sarcasm in the redhead's words.

Kanda's eyes narrowed as the redhead continued on speaking. "Seriously, what did you _do?_ I've never need someone's innocence so wrecked before."

Kanda glowered. "What, are you some kind of an expert on innocence?" Kanda asked, voice biting. "It's nothing."

A piercing emerald eye met Kanda's indigo ones. For a moment, Kanda swore he saw the casual demeanor melt away to reveal someone more shrew, and calculating – but, within the blink of an eye it was gone. The redhead sighed. "Just trying to help," He said, with a shrug of the shoulder.

Kanda fought the urge to turn. The redhead was annoying, and way too _relaxed_ – Kanda wondered if the guy took anything seriously, rather than hopping around like some stupid rabbit. However, he caught a glint of silver in the moonlight, and once more Kanda's eyes rested on the silver rose cross the redhead wore.

"That cross you're wearing," Kanda started, eying the redhead. "Where did you get it from?"

To Kanda's vexation, the redhead gave a knowing smile. "Ah, that depends on who's asking," He said as he grinned. "And why you want to know."

 _'Ugh, I don't have time for this bullshit,'_ Kanda thought as he clenched his fist.

Knowing that he was pressed for time, Kanda swallowed his pride. As irritating as this guy was, Kanda had been looking for anyone who might have been from the Order, and now he was faced with a potential candidate. Since the redhead was also an exorcist, it was likely that he _did_ have a link to the Order for certain as well. With that in mind, Kanda reached into his pocket and pulled out the silver rose cross that Marie had given him.

Kanda held it up so that the redhead could see. "I'm looking for the Order. You know where to find them?"

The redhead peered at the cross for a moment, before his gaze flickered to Kanda. He smiled again. "Yeah, I do," He answered. "And you're in luck, because I'm actually heading back there."

Hearing this, Kanda's irritability diminished. If this guy could show him the way to the Order, then it would save Kanda a hell of a lot of trouble. Even if the redhead was tiresome, at least he was a competent exorcist from what Kanda could see.

Traveling together definitely beat wandering around like an aimless target.

The redhead nudged his head forward, motioning for Kanda to follow. Kanda did so silently, walking so that he was beside the other exorcist. He still kept a fair distance between the two, and his body continued to ache; however, Kanda refused to let any of these signs show.

Turning, the redhead spoke. "So, what's your name? I'm Lavi."

Kanda's eyes shifted to the redhead – Lavi. He then looked forward once more as he spoke. "It's Kanda."

"Kanda. Well, nice to meet you."

Kanda didn't reciprocate the warmth that Lavi offered. Instead, his mind flickered back to the flash of light he had seen earlier just before he crossed paths with the other exorcist. "Earlier there was a flash of light," Kanda spoke, voicing his thoughts. "Was it you?"

Stretching his arms behind his head, Lavi gave a sheepish smile. "Ha. Yeah – I was tracking that akuma, but it got away for a bit," He explained before giving a sidelong glance in Kanda's direction. "I hadn't expected there to be another exorcist so close by. I've been hanging around this area a bit now, and hadn't seen signs of any other innocence. I take it you're not from around here?"

Kanda took a breath. This guy talked a lot, but he was also leading Kanda to where the Order was. "No," Kanda answered, his speech short as he refused to go into further detail.

Lavi didn't press for any further details about where Kanda was from, but went on. "You know. If you watch that stubbornness you and I make a decent fighting team."

 _'Ugh, no,'_ Kanda thought, drawing the line there. "Don't talk like we're friends or anything," Kanda grumbled, not too keen on how familiar Lavi was starting to act. And Kanda wasn't _stubborn_ – he just….knew what he needed to do. And would do what he had to do to get it done. It wasn't stubbornness.

A chuckled escaped Lavi. "Mm, so you're the loner type, huh? I'm not surprised," He observed, with a knowing look once again befalling his features. "Let me guess: you're probably on some super important mission, right? And you don't want to let _anything_ stop you."

Kanda twitched. "Just shut up," He muttered, fighting to keep from raising his voice.

It was going to be a long journey. 

* * *

_'Oh God, she's_ still _watching me.'_

Alma was close to losing his mind. He didn't know how long he had been working on sorting mirror shards, but he felt like he was getting a headache. Additionally, the task was just _maddening_ – Alma wasn't sure if he could take trying to sort through all of the mirror shards any longer. He had a fair amount he had laid out, some of which he had even tried to fit together. However, Alma was struggling, and he was growing more impatient with each second.

To make matters worse, the brawny, ice woman who had nearly given Alma a concussion earlier was still watching him. Wouldn't she ever get tired? Alma had hoped that by now she would have left or fallen asleep or _something_ – but it seemed luck wasn't on Alma's side, and that he was stuck with her.

Exasperated, Alma stopped his sorting. To hell with it – he needed a break. He wasn't physically tired per say, but his mind was worn out.

The woman who had been watching Alma peered at him. She was still leaning against the ice pillar, and hadn't moved once since Alma started working. A frown appeared on her face as she saw Alma had ceased moving. "Your body doesn't need rest – keep working."

Alma turned back swiftly, reciprocating the woman's scowl. "I'm just taking a few minutes," He snapped, agitated. "And how do you know I'm not tired? Maybe I _am._ "

Snorting, the woman closed her eyes. "There's no way you're tired with how long you were out for…" She murmured, words soft.

Just barely catching what she said, Alma looked at her curiously. "What do you mean?" He asked, voice wary. Alma knew he had been unconscious for a bit, but he hadn't thought it'd been _that_ long. Maybe a few hours, or a whole night at best, but there was no _way_ he had been asleep for any longer than that.

The woman opened her eyes, and looked at Alma. Her brow slightly raised when she saw the concerned curiosity on Alma's expression, but she answered. "A little over two weeks," She finally answered with a light shrug. "I wasn't sure when you'd wake up honestly."

Alma's eyes widened. "W-What?" He choked out, his throat feeling dry and his insides twisting. Two weeks? He'd been unconscious for _over two weeks?_ How was that even possible? How was he not starving or dehydrated? _How could that much time have passed?_

Two weeks had passed since Alma was first brought to this strange place. Two weeks had passed since he had last been in the village. Two weeks since he had seen Kanda…

 _'Yuu…I've been gone for two weeks,'_ Alma found himself thinking, his heart feeling a sudden pang of sharp pain. Did…did Kanda miss him at all? Or had Kanda left, and continued on with his life?

The second scenario caused an uncomfortably agonizing sensation to fill Alma's chest. He felt empty and hallow, and just…broken. Sad. He still hadn't forgotten what Kanda had said that one night when Alma accidentally eavesdropped on the argument between him and Tiedoll.

 _"He's not important."_

It was hard for Alma not to wince at the memory. After that moment, Alma had been convinced that he had been fooling himself with thinking Kanda had actually cared. He had been convinced that their relationship had been one-sided – but shit, then Kanda had come back the next night, and he and Alma had _kissed._

Alma shook his head. He was feeling too many things – he was feeling anger, and hate, and emptiness, and longing, and it hurt, and _fuck, it was way too much for him to handle._ Along with that, he was also _confused_. Alma didn't understand what was going on. He had no idea what was happening, or why. But he wanted answers. He _needed_ answers.

Standing, Alma turned to face the woman. "Why was I asleep that long?" He asked. "Did your _master_ do something to me? Because on top of that, I have these _really_ weird things on my hands that won't come off, and it's freaking me out!"

The woman's eyes narrowed; apparently she didn't take well to anyone talking poorly of her master. "My master only slowed down what was already happening to you – the sleeping was a side effect."

Alma frowned slightly as he heard this. Vaguely, he remembered the other woman – the one who had taken him – saying something similar in her offer, as though she could slow whatever changes Alma was going through. Did this mean they wouldn't stop though? Did this mean that…that they would keep happening? The thought deeply unsettled Alma.

"So it's…not going to stop. Whatever this is," Alma spoke, words hesitant. Unwilling. Unwilling to confirm what scared him the most.

For a brief moment, what appeared to be a glimmer of sympathy flickered in the woman's slanted eyes, her gaze softening. "No," She confirmed, "It won't."

There were a few seconds of silence that passed between the two, with Alma unsure of what to say. Surprisingly, it was the woman who broke the silence, her voice once more hard. "You can't go back out there. You may want to, but you can't. Humans can hardly accept one another as it is," She explained, words cool. "You haven't even looked at yourself since you've woken up – and I can promise you, no human will accept you looking like _that_."

Her words caused Alma to tense. No, he _hadn't_ looked at himself since he had woken up, and now he didn't even _want_ to know what he looked like.

When Alma remained silent, the woman continued brusquely, "You don't have a life like you had before. So you better get used to being here."

The words stung. They stung terribly so, and made Alma want to shrink away and close his eyes. Old memories of rejection filled him, and he knew that despite his reservations, this strange, intimidating woman was right: humans weren't accepting. People weren't accepting. They had never been accepting of Alma before, when he was alone and abandoned. Why would they be any more accepting of him now, freakish and clearly and outsider of some kind? They were nothing but selfish, and superficial. They were careless, and they were _heartless._ And Alma suddenly realized that he hated them for it.

 _'I hate them. I hate them so much…'_

How long had Alma hated people for? Maybe he had hated and resented them for years, and never realized it until now. Regardless of just when the potency of his animosity had started, Alma knew the feelings ran deep; they ran so deep that they nearly burned in his core, threatening to suffocate his very lungs because the venomous hatred was so thick. The feeling almost scared Alma a little. He had never felt such anger before.

But, an image flashed through Alma's mind. It was unexpected, and fleeting. Kanda holding Alma's hand, and pulling Alma along on the ice. They were smiling. Alma's heart twisted.

 _'Yuu…'_

Seeing that Alma had not spoken or made a sound, the woman frowned. "You're being strangely quiet," She muttered, arms crossed.

Her words earned an icy glare from Alma. But he said nothing. 

* * *

**A/N:** OH HEY. OUR FAVORITE RABBIT SHOWED UP. 3 Well, he's one of my favorites. I've been itching to get Lavi into this AU for too long (along with a few others - specifically Alma's oh-so-friendly captor. Anyone recognize her?). XD

Updates have been slower than I wanted, and I'm sorry to those of you reading right now. Again, I'm still working on this at like...snail speed. But progress is happening. A lot of it has been because my health has been shot the past few weeks, and I'm just now getting some help for that. Hopefully I'll start to feel better, and will be able to write more easily now. ^^

Hope you guys liked the update! I'd leave more of a note, but...I'm kind of dead. XD Just feel free to contact me or review/PM if anything strikes your fancy. :3 Happy Sunday night!


	15. Respite

**Lotus in the Snow (Snow Queen AU)**

 **Chapter Fourteen**  
 _Respite_

For the first time in what seemed like weeks, the sky was clear. A vibrant blue stretched overhead, and while there were a few clouds in the sky the sun shined brightly – almost blindingly so. Over time, Kanda had grown used to the dreary winter skies. The sudden appearance of the sun had almost been enough to give him a headache. He tried to remind himself the sun was a good thing; its appearance meant warmth, and clear skies were a sign that winter would be passing. Kanda normally would have grateful for such a change. However, the passing of winter meant the passing of time – and Kanda's time was limited.

Well, _Alma's_ time was limited. Kanda still had no idea where he was, but he could imagine that if Alma were alive…well, who knew what was _actually_ going on.

' _Except he_ is _alive,'_ Kanda told himself, _'He has to be.'_

Kanda sighed quietly to himself. He was currently waiting outside of a small postal office in some town that he and Lavi had come to the previous night. After the altercation with the akuma, the two young men had ended up there, with Lavi being annoyingly _insistent_ that they stay in an inn or something. Kanda had thought it completely unnecessary – it would have been sunrise in a few hours, and as far as he was concerned an inn would have only been something of a waste. It was only because Kanda's energy had been so low at that point that he was willing to give into this _one_ disagreement with Lavi – so long as he could get the redhead to shut up for a bit.

The rest of the night had been oddly quiet after that. Kanda noticed that Lavi had ceased any playful jests or remarks – which Kanda took as a blessing. The akuma attack had left him feeling drained, both physically and mentally, and he would not have had the patience to deal with Lavi's strange and somewhat enigmatic persona.

Anyways, Lavi _was_ an exorcist…so, Kanda was willing to deal with it.

What Kanda wasn't willing to deal with was how obnoxiously _long_ Lavi seemed to be taking at the moment. After they had checked out of the inn around noon, Lavi had told Kanda he had to pick up something at the postal office the town had. Kanda had thought this a little strange, but didn't bother to question it immediately. If it were only something Lavi needed to pick up (whatever it was), then it shouldn't have been that big of a deal. It _shouldn't_ have. But apparently it was, because Kanda had been waiting over twenty minutes now.

Seriously, what the hell was Lavi even _doing_?

Kanda exhaled, attempting to relieve his frustration as he leaned against the wall outside the office's entrance. This was stupid, and he didn't have time to mess around. _'Dumb rabbit should have been out by now,'_ Kanda thought, before he pushed himself off the wall.

Screw it – he would just go in and _see_ what the hell was taking Lavi so long.

Somewhat forcefully, Kanda pushed the door open. "Oi, Lavi-" Kanda started before stopping abruptly. It didn't take him long to spot Lavi. The bright red hair was just a blatant dead give-away. He was up at the counter, with his back to Kanda, and seemed oblivious to the fact that Kanda had even come inside.

Which could have been because Lavi was currently _very pre-occupied_ with who was behind the counter. Who was in this case a girl. A fairly pretty, young girl, who was giggling coquettishly.

Kanda felt his eyebrow tick. _'If this guy has been in here_ flirting _…'_

Lavi was currently leaning onto the counter, chin resting in the palm of his hand as he smiled at the girl behind the counter. She was definitely cute, with rich golden hair and bright brown eyes. Her skin was a healthy peach color, and dusted with freckles. "Adorable" would have been a good word to describe her – at least, if someone like Lavi were doing the describing.

Emerald eyes glistening, Lavi smiled. "Nahhh," He was saying, "A pretty girl like you still single? You must have every guy fawning over you-OW!"

Lavi was cut off as Kanda jerked the collar of his coat back somewhat viciously. The redhead staggered, though Kanda did not release his grip on Lavi.

Kanda just shot an exasperated glare in Lavi's direction before he closed his eyes, _attempting_ to hold back. He silently reminded himself that Lavi was linked to the Order, and Kanda's ticket to getting there. "Are you finished yet?" Kanda asked, his words terse and heavily annoyed.

Lavi laughed somewhat lightly. "Haha. Why? Aw, you're not jealous, are ya?"

The words were meant in a lighthearted manner, but they only further agitated Kanda. A venomous look appeared in Kanda's eyes as he stared at Lavi darkly.

The redhead sweatdropped. "Shit, no need to make _that_ scary face. I mean if looks could kill..."

"Tch," Kanda scorned, before releasing Lavi without any warning. He gave a quick glance around the office before gruffly speaking again. "Let's just go already."

Lavi staggered a little, and straightened his collar as he maintained his balance. "Seesh, alright then," He conceded, before flashing a quick smile to the girl behind the counter as he held up an envelope. "Thanks again."

The girl smiled. "You're welcome," She giggled.

Kanda resisted the urge to roll his eyes and drag Lavi away, but instead he quickly stalked out of the office. Lavi was following closely behind, and Kanda waited until they were completely outside before saying anything.

Once they were out of the building, Kanda turned. He still had an irritable expression on his face.

Lavi immediately noticed, and looked at Kanda questioningly. "What?" He asked, his voice laced in feigned innocence. "Come on – you can't seriously blame me. You would've done the same."

Kanda wanted to sneer. _'No, I fucking wouldn't.'_

Before the words could be articulated out loud, Lavi spoke again, lifting the envelope. "Anyways, it wasn't for nothing. I had to pick this up after all."

' _Is this guy for real?'_ Kanda wondered, as he fought the temptation to punch a wall. Seriously, it wasn't as though Lavi _had_ to flirt to get the envelope. If the mail was for him, he could have just picked it up.

Despite his temptation to point such thoughts out, Kanda avoided doing such as his eyes flickered to the envelope Lavi had. "So what is it?"

Lavi grinned. "Can't tell."

Kanda twitched. Really? _Really?_ Obviously the envelope was somewhat important for Lavi to have to stop and get it, and even more so if Lavi couldn't tell Kanda. However, the grin Lavi had given was all but a taunting _bait_ – and it pissed Kanda off. He didn't have time to mess around, and he hadn't had a chance to squeeze any bit of information out of Lavi regarding the Order yet.

Well, _that_ was about to change.

"Can't, or won't?" Kanda asked, attempting to contain his exasperation to the best of his ability. He wasn't doing a good job.

Lavi raised an eyebrow, as he stared at Kanda with a look of intrigue. The impish gleam in his eyes had faded, and seemed to have been replaced with something more astute and piercing. The shift was almost chilling.

Lavi did not respond immediately, which caused silence to linger a tad longer. Kanda was actually a bit wary suddenly, as he was not sure how to take this slight shift in character. But then Lavi smiled, and Kanda wondered if he had just imagined the moment before.

"Both," Lavi answered, voice light. "Can't tell you because I haven't even looked at it yet, and won't tell you because I can't trust you right now."

The words grated on Kanda, though Lavi continued before Kanda could speak up at all. "I still don't know you. And I don't know how you got that rose cross," Lavi pointed. His words, while casual, had a notable sharpness to them. " But if you're an exorcist then you should be able to understand that."

Kanda bit back any kind of response. Lavi's words were annoying as hell, if only because they were true. While Kanda wasn't too eager to admit that Lavi was right, he definitely wasn't able to disagree. Unwillingly, Kanda's memories of the strange man he had seen in the village with golden eyes resurfaced. _'There could be others like him wandering around,'_ Kanda thought, expression pensive. _'First that man. Then that girl in the cabin…just how many of them are there?'_

It seemed akuma weren't the only things exorcists had to worry about.

Noticing Kanda's contemplation, Lavi spoke up again, as he was opening the envelope. "Don't worry. It's pretty standard the Order will want to do some vetting of you before you get too involved in anything."

Kanda raised his eyebrow. "Vetting?" He repeated, though Kanda knew perfectly well what the word meant. He wasn't too sure just what the Order did as vetting, but…he didn't know how he felt about that. For whatever reason, it made him uneasy.

Stepping forward, Kanda spoke. There was a small frown on his face. "Look, I'm not trying to join anything. I just needed to ask about a few things, and that was it," Kanda clarified.

Kanda wasn't too sure what impression Lavi was under, but he recalled when Tiedoll had said about the strange men that had come to the village, and how they had been essentially looking to recruit exorcists. At an earlier time, Kanda wouldn't have given a second thought about getting involved in a more organized group like what the Order – especially when said group was working to fight akuma. After all, this was something Kanda had practically fought to do his whole life. Stagnancy just had never _suited_ Kanda. Not until…

Lavi had looked back at Kanda with intrigue, not yet reading whatever it was that was on the letter he had taken out. "Really? That's interesting. I figured that was one reason you were looking for them – and since you're an accommodator, the Order will definitely push to recruit you. Even if you are an unstable one…" Lavi trailed off, eyes on the letter as he read it.

Kanda frowned somewhat. "What do you mean _unstable_?" He immediately questioned, unable to completely mask the offense that stained his words. Where did Lavi even get the right to comment on Kanda's abilities as an exorcist?

Lavi was too engrossed in whatever the letter was saying, and didn't respond to Kanda's inquiry. His own expression had turned serious.

' _What's he reading?'_ Kanda silently wondered, though he knew at this point asking would get him nowhere. Lavi had already made it clear he wasn't going to divulge that information to Kanda, and for a good enough reason that Kanda saw no point in arguing. However, Kanda _did_ want to know what Lavi meant by this "unstable" comment.

"Lavi?" Kanda tried again, his voice less accusatory but still firm.

Lavi put the letter away, before finally looking back in Kanda's direction. Whatever severity Kanda thought he had seen in the redhead's face had evaporated, and Kanda questioned whether or not the seriousness had been there to begin with. "We're going this way," Lavi spoke, nodding to his left. He flashed Kanda a quick smile, before starting off.

Exhaling, Kanda once again felt exasperated. In any other instance, Kanda would have just walked away, as he didn't normally have the patience to deal with people like Lavi. But in this case, what choice did he have?

* * *

Lavi didn't explain much of anything to Kanda. He actually wasn't talking much at all anymore, and it was something that Kanda felt to be both soothing and unsettling. Kanda hadn't thought such a thing was possible – how could someone be unsettled if they were soothed? Likely it had to do with the fact that Kanda was relieved he didn't have to deal with Lavi's chatter, which he had expected to be an issue. But clearly it wasn't, which meant that Kanda was probably off about his perception of Lavi. _That_ definitely made Kanda uneasy.

The two of them were currently traveling by wagon, which contained several other passengers. Kanda didn't really pay them much attention; he had traveled by wagon enough in the past, both alone and when he was Daisya. It wasn't always his favorite way to travel. The roads could be bumpy, and sometimes if a lot of people were trying to get to the same destination the wagons could get annoyingly cramped.

This particular time wasn't so bad though. At least Kanda and Lavi had some breathing room – and it _was_ a nice break from walking.

Lavi shifted next to Kanda, his scarf wrapped around him. "You know, it'll be nice when they start using trains more. Have you heard of those?"

Kanda glanced in Lavi's direction, honestly having no idea what the hell he was talking about. "No," Kanda answered, not sure if he even cared to find out.

Lavi took Kanda's words as an invitation to speak more. "Oh, they're supposed to be a more efficient way of traveling – kind of like wagons, but they move on metal rails instead of roads. And they're faster, since they're not drawn by horses."

A frown appeared on Kanda's face. "So how the hell are they supposed to move then?" He asked, not sure how an object large enough to transport people without horsepower.

"Steam power," Lavi answered with a grin. "I still don't know how it works, but apparently there are already people in England working on it. I'm hoping it gets more popular soon – it'll make traveling way easier."

Kanda leaned back into the corner of the wagon. "Right," He murmured, not sure where Lavi had heard all this crap about inventions and "trains." Kanda certainly had never heard of them.

The rest of the ride continued for the next few hours quietly after that. There were a few times the driver stopped to let passengers off who needed to get off sooner, and eventually it was just Kanda and Lavi left. Despite the cold air and the stiffness Kanda was beginning to feel, his eyes had started to grow heavy and he could feel himself nodding off.

Kanda felt someone nudge him. He jumped a little, not used to being touched and immediately glared at Lavi.

Unfazed by Kanda's reaction, Lavi spoke. "Hey, we're about to get off."

Kanda relaxed a little, but still frowned. The sky was noticeably different in color, with the vibrant blue from earlier now beginning to shift into a medley of pinks and oranges. It was sundown already? Hadn't Kanda just closed his eyes for five minutes? He couldn't have nodded off for _that_ long.

"How long was I out for?" Kanda asked, voice low as he glanced around them. The area they were traveling through was wooded, but no as heavily as other areas Kanda had trekked through in the past. He could just make out a town coming up in the distance.

Lavi shrugged. "Two hours at least. You've seemed tired all day though – it's good you rested."

Kanda turned back to Lavi sharply. Two _hours?_

Before Kanda could question Lavi, the driver came to a stop. Paying the driver a fare, Lavi hopped out of the wagon and Kanda followed. They were at the edge of a town that was slightly smaller than the last one they had been in, but still decently sized. People were still out doing any last minute work or errands, but Kanda could see that most seemed to already be retiring for the evening.

Kanda turned to Lavi. "So, what are we doing here?"

At first, Lavi didn't answer. A little annoyed, Kanda was about to repeat his question before he noticed that Lavi was looking at the letter from earlier. This caused Kanda to falter, just as Lavi finally spoke. "We're meeting someone."

Kanda blinked, slightly surprised by Lavi's response. Well, he supposed that Lavi's answer was better than what he had expected (not that Kanda had been sure _what_ to expect), but now he was beginning to feel wary. Just who was Lavi meeting here?

"Someone from the Order?" Kanda asked, feeling like it was a reasonable guess. He couldn't really imagine who else Lavi would have dragged him all the way to this town to meet unless it were dealing with something important – and anything involving the Order _definitely_ seemed important.

Lavi shook his head. "Not exactly," He spoke, though he didn't go into any more detail. Lavi placed the letter back into his coat pocket before flashing a languid smile in Kanda's direction. "Come on – it's getting cold, and I don't want to be stuck out here anymore."

Kanda scoffed quietly, but didn't disagree. He didn't exactly enjoy the cold either.

They walked along the side of the main street quietly as they ventured into town. Kanda noticed that Lavi seemed to periodically be looking around as though he were checking for something, but Kanda said nothing. By now he wasn't sure if asking Lavi would ever do him much good. Sometimes Lavi answered, sometimes he didn't. Kanda just couldn't pin the guy down, and the unanticipated nap Kanda had taken had caused his brain to feel sluggish.

Lavi stopped suddenly in front of an inn. He pulled out the letter once more, before glancing at the sign. "This is where we need to be," Lavi said, though it sounded more as though he were speaking to himself rather than Kanda. The redhead turned so he was facing Kanda more directly. "And it smells like they've got food in there too."

Food. Shit, when was the last time Kanda had even _eaten?_

Lavi had already gone inside, and Kanda walked in after him. The smell of warm food immediately hit Kanda, and he was suddenly very aware of how empty his stomach felt. Kanda couldn't remember the last time he had actually stopped anywhere for a full meal, and he realized that he actually hadn't eaten at all that day. More than likely it was why he felt so tired.

Inside, there was a small lobby area with a desk – likely for people to check in if they were requesting a room. But off to the side there was a tavern-like area where people were. Lavi had already gone off in that direction, and he had gone so quickly that Kanda wondered if he had found the person he was looking for. But as soon as Kanda caught up to him, he saw that Lavi was just sitting at the bar area.

Kanda sat beside him, setting his things down. Resting an elbow on the counter, he glanced at Lavi. "Did you see who you're looking for?"

Lavi shrugged. "No. But I'm starving, so I'm getting food."

The bartender eventually came over, and asked both exorcists if they were getting anything. Lavi was quick to order, somehow already knowing just what he wanted. As for Kanda, he didn't particularly care and just ordered the first thing he recognized on the menu that sounded good.

Since it wasn't incredibly busy, it didn't take long for them both to receive their meals. Lavi was quick to dig in, but Kanda hesitated. It felt weird sitting at a bar. The last time he had been in a tavern was when he had seen Marie. Kanda quietly wondered how he was doing – hell, he wondered how _Tiedoll_ was doing. How long had it been since he left? A little over a month? Maybe a month and a half – Kanda wasn't sure. It felt like longer.

Kanda had finally started eating when Lavi spoke up. "So, where are you from? You never said."

Eyes flickering over to Lavi, Kanda kept his expression neutral. He usually didn't appreciate personal questions, especially since they were coming from someone who didn't always seem too keen on getting answers. But since Lavi was kind of helping Kanda find the Order, he settled for a vague answer. "Southern Scandinavia," He answered.

Lavi blinked. "Really? Could've fooled me."

Kanda cast a sharp look in the redhead's direction as his brow furrowed. "Why?"

Lavi smiled sheepishly. "Don't take this the wrong way – but you don't exactly look Scandinavian," He explained before noticing the dark look Kanda was giving him. Lavi sobered up a bit. "No, seriously! Your features just remind me of some people I once met from the east. I thought maybe you were from the same place they were."

Hearing this, Kanda calmed a little. Lavi's words had still incensed him, but he was intrigued by Lavi's explanation. People from the east…Tiedoll had told Kanda his father was from somewhere east. Kanda's father hadn't spoken about it much though, and Kanda couldn't help but wonder if perhaps the people Lavi spoke of were from the same area.

Kanda contemplated mentioning his father, but stopped. Lavi seemed to be in a chatty mood, and he had just asked a somewhat personal question. So…

"Hey," Kanda started, words somewhat abrupt. "Earlier you mentioned I was unstable. What did you mean by that?"

Lavi paused mid-bite before lowering his spoon. Once again, Kanda caught a flicker of something in Lavi's green eyes – something somber, and piercing. Observant. The look was almost unnerving.

Resting his chin in the palm on his hand, Lavi appeared contemplative before answering. "Your innocence," Lavi pointed out before nudging his head in the direction of where Kanda had placed Mugen. "It's cracked."

Kanda's eyes narrowed in annoyance. Well, no shit it was cracked – did Lavi think that Kanda had somehow missed that rather obvious detail? "I know," Kanda commented. "And? What about it?"

Lavi eyed Kanda warily. "You know how innocence works, don't you?"

Now Kanda was getting irritated. Would Lavi tell him what was up or not? Kanda sighed, exasperated with how Lavi seemed to be drawing out his response. "Of course I do," He snapped, eyes icy. Did Lavi think Kanda was _that_ stupid?

Lavi rolled his eyes at Kanda's reaction. "So moody," He sighed, before sobering back up as he looked at Kanda. "But then you know your innocence is connected to you. Everything about you it picks up on and reacts to. Even if you have an equipment type like what you have- _hey!_ "

Something cut Lavi off. It had only taken Kanda a fraction of a second to realize that something had been _thrown_ at Lavi – specifically, a spoon. Kanda stared dumbfounded as Lavi whipped his head around. "What the freakin' _hell-!?_ "

Lavi's chair was kicked sharply, and he was once again cut off. Kanda turned swiftly, ready to go on the offense with whomever it was that clearly wanted to pick a fight. He stopped abruptly when he saw the attacker, and confusion filled his eyes. _'It's some…old man?'_

Lavi had turned, looking as though he were about to lash out. He too stopped when he saw who it was, and recognition filled his eyes. "W-What the heck was that for!?" Lavi asked, apparently knowing the man.

The man was old, and small. He actually didn't strike Kanda as the kind to be exactly capable of taking someone down physically, as he had a small stature and was rather short. He was almost completely bald save for the strange, gray pony tail that sprouted from the back of his heads, and his eyes were encompassed with dark circles that made him look as though he hadn't slept in days.

The old man's expression remained neutral, although Kanda thought he caught a glimpse of displeasure in the man's gaze. "For being a reckless blabbermouth," The man commented flatly, "And speaking so openly about things you clearly shouldn't be speaking about."

As he spoke this, the old man cast a sharp glance in Kanda's direction, who stiffened. He wasn't exactly fond about the way the man looked at him; the man's dark eyes were intrusively piercing. _Invasive,_ even. Kanda immediately felt as though he were being looked into, and had been somehow exposed. Regarding what, Kanda wasn't sure – he just knew he didn't like it.

The man's shrewd eyes moved away from Kanda, and returned to Lavi. He briefly glanced at the food out. "Come upstairs when you're finished here," The man instructed. He didn't move to leave though, and instead turned his attention back to Kanda once more. "You as well.

Kanda blinked, completely thrown off. The hell? Kanda didn't even _know_ this guy – and now he was just appearing out of nowhere and ordering Kanda around as though he actually knew him?

Kanda's expression turned into an irritable scowl as the man walked away. "Hey, wait!"

Kanda was stopped was he felt Lavi tug his shoulder. The red head was leaning back onto the counter of the bar. "Don't worry, Kanda – he's not going anywhere. Trust me. That old panda won't croak or nothing."

Another flying utensil was chucked at Lavi, who ducked just as the flying fork missed his hair. Several people in had paused to stare – Kanda included. _'What the hell is with these two…?'_

Lavi straightened himself, and sat back upright. "Geez, he snaps at me for everything," Lavi muttered, this time more quietly so that the (possibly insane) old man wouldn't hear.

Kanda sent a questioning look in Lavi's direction. "Is _that_ who you're meeting?" He asked, his words wary. Kanda honestly couldn't shake the feeling that the old man might show up again and start throwing things at them (well, Lavi at least since Kanda _knew_ he hadn't done anything).

Lavi nodded. "Uh huh," He responded as he swallowed a mouthful of food. "I guess he wants to talk to you now too."

Kanda's eyes narrowed, as he felt several nerves in his body prickle. _"Why_?"

Lavi shrugged. "Don't know – but you said you had things you had to ask the order, didn't you? You should just ask gramps – he'll probably know something."

' _Huh,'_ Kanda thought, feeling rather skeptical. Lavi didn't even _know_ the reason Kanda was trying to get to the Order, so he was doubtful that some short, old guy would be able to tell him anything. Not that Kanda would walk away from a chance at finding something out – but it seemed weird. And why the hell did the old man want to talk to _Kanda?_ Kanda had never even seen the man in his life, so he couldn't imagine what would come from this all.

Kanda rested his elbows on the bar, turning away from Lavi. "Yeah. Sure. Whatever," He murmured, just wanting to get back to his food before it got cold. Everything else in the world right now was cold enough as it was.

* * *

 **A/N:** This chapter took forever to get through, despite it being really short. Probably because it's a "filler" chapter? Regardless, I'm glad to have it out. XD

A few notes, first with trains. Since this AU takes place somewhat earlier than the actual setting of DGM (I'm thinking this is during more the mid to late 18th century), trains wouldn't be in use yet. However, they would be gradually coming up more (especially with the Enlightenment going on during this time). So, the conversation regarding trains is more a nod to that difference in era and setting. Plus, I think Lavi would be aware of some more of the technological advancements being made during this time with him being a Bookman-in-training and all.

Also, the part where Lavi comments on Kanda not "looking" Scandinavian. In this AU, while it isn't explicitly stated, Kanda's father is of Japanese origin (it's more hinted at). This part was arguably not necessary, but I can't help but feel like Lavi /would/ have (somewhat bluntly, and even rudely) commented on Kanda's slightly different physical characteristics.

BUT HEY, now we have Bookman, right? I didn't expect him to show up, but I'm just rolling with it now. 8D Hope y'all liked this, and please feel free to harass me for more chapters. I need a fire lit under my arse to get me going more. XD


	16. Night of Ambuscades

**Lotus in the Snow (Snow Queen AU)**

 **Chapter Fifteen**  
 _Night of Ambuscades_

Kanda hadn't been able to relax as he tried to finish eating. He tried to, but his thoughts repeatedly returned to the strange old man that Lavi was supposed to meet. It was a good thing that Lavi ate as quickly as he did; Kanda would not have been able to stand waiting any longer than he already had to just to find out who the hell this man even was. Lavi hadn't explained that part yet, and Kanda was so fed up with not getting a straight answer from Lavi that he had ended up deciding to save his questions for the old man. That at least seemed a _little_ more promising.

As soon as they both finished, the two of them went upstairs to where the different rooms were. Lavi apparently knew which room number it was, which Kanda imagined was something that had probably been in the letter (unless Lavi was some weird psychic or something, which Kanda _highly_ doubted).

Kanda leaned against the wall as he watched Lavi knock on the door. He noticed the number, which was 13 – a number typically associated with misfortune. Since Kanda wasn't superstitious, he didn't bother to linger on the number. It wasn't important. What _was_ important was figuring out just what was going on, and who this old man actually was – and what he could possibly want to talk to Kanda about.

 _'It doesn't make sense,'_ Kanda thought. ' _I've never even seen that man before. I have no idea_ who _he is.'_

The door opened, causing Kanda to become alert. Lavi stepped inside, and Kanda made a move to go in after him. He just caught sight of the old man before their gazes locked; Kanda froze, once again feeling a chill of unease snake down his spine. Thoroughly creeped out, Kanda decided right then that he didn't like the old man's eyes.

The old man spoke. "You wait outside a moment. I need to speak to this one-" He motioned with his gaze to Lavi, "-Alone."

Trepidation melting, Kanda's expression became one of irritable displeasure. "I thought you said-"

"That I wanted to speak with you? Yes, after I speak with him," The old man spoke, yet again referring to Lavi. The old man kept his dark eyes on Kanda, his face remaining unnaturally stoic. "So stop acting like an impatient child already and wait here."

The words incensed Kanda instantly. Impatient _child?_ Just who the hell did this man even think he was? Kanda glowered at the man, prepared to retort – however, he was cut off before he could even speak as the door was promptly shut in his face.

Kanda was stunned. And pissed. He wasn't sure what he was feeling more of to be honest – probably anger, really. Kanda was just frustrated with _everything_. Lavi, the creepy old man, this weird group of exorcists that Kanda was now feeling doubtful of even reaching at this point….shit, he was getting fed up with it all. He suddenly seemed to remember just why he had worked alone for so long in the first place: people were unreliable, and annoying. Even Daisya had been annoying a lot of the time.

 _'This is fucking pointless,'_ Kanda thought bitterly. Seriously, where was he even getting with any of this? Kanda thought back to all that had happened since he left his home village, and what he had even gotten out of leaving. Frankly, it wasn't much – Kanda had just wrecked his innocence, and crossed paths with some psychotic girl who may or may not have been linked to the guy that was with Alma when-

 _'Alma.'_

Kanda's mind seemed to come to a halt, and his chest tightened. He had left to find Alma, and Kanda hadn't even found any actual answers as to what had happened to him yet. He basically only knew just as much as when he had left – which was nothing.

Kanda leaned against the wall. He was no closer to finding out what had happened to Alma than when he had seen that _akuma_ take Alma away…and Kanda hated it. He hated how powerless it made him feel to know that he had no idea where Alma was. Or how Alma was doing. So many thoughts plagued Kanda's mind: was Alma okay? Was he lost? Had he somehow gotten away? If so, where was Alma now? Was he hurt? Was he even….

 _"…Your little friend was well on his way to becoming an akuma already…"_

"…It's true. The shard that pierced him contained dark matter – specially the essence from a previous akuma," He explained with a grin. "It's already almost to his heart, so you might as well let me take him unless you just want to do away with him yourself…"

Inwardly, Kanda cringed at the memory. The memory of the strange golden-eyed man who had spoken those words to Kanda as Alma remained on the snowy ground cold and clutching his chest as if he were in some kind of pain.

A lie. What that man said had to have been a fucking _lie_. Kanda knew Alma. Alma wasn't…

Unwillingly, Kanda recalled Alma earlier that day before he had disappeared. Alma hadn't acted like he normally did. He hadn't been his usual, cheery self that was so stupidly bright and vibrant. No, Alma had been _different_ – he had been cold, and harsh. Cruel, even. Kanda still could hardly wrap his mind over how Alma had acted toward Lala, who hadn't even done anything wrong. It was as if Alma had been an entirely different person all together.

It wasn't Alma. That wasn't what Alma was like. Alma's eyes had never been icy like they were that day, and his words had never been so _vicious_ before…

Feeling a wave of exhaustion pass over him, Kanda sank down to the ground, sitting with one knee bent as he waited in the hallway. Still leaning against the wall, Kanda rested his head back against it as a pensive look appeared on his face.

What if…what if this was all for nothing?

Kanda tightened his fist. He didn't want to think that – he didn't want to think that this would all be worthless. But Kanda couldn't shake the icy unease he felt deep in his core though. It was the kind of unease that seemed to seep out from his insides, slithering out like a frosty serpent of anxiety that was ready to coil around his heart at any moment. Lingering in the depths of Kanda's mind, that _uncertainty_ loomed hauntingly, following closely behind like a dark shadow. A terrifying shadow.

 _'Don't,'_ Kanda told himself silently, as he closed his eyes. _'Don't fucking think like that…'_

Kanda couldn't be sure of anything right now. He couldn't obsess over what the strange man with golden eyes had said either – shit, the man had probably just been fucking with Kanda's head to throw him off. What reason would he have had to be truthful?

 _'What reason would he have had to lie?'_ An intrusive thought questioned Kanda, causing him to shudder a little.

After a little while longer, the sound of a door clicking open caused Kanda's attention to shift, and he looked over to see Lavi peering out. The redhead glanced around the hall before he seemed to notice where Kanda was sitting off to the side, and he looked at Kanda with a raised brow. "Hey, what're you doing down there? I figured you'd be clawing to get in by now."

Kanda decided to ignore Lavi's quip, biting down a scoff. "It's not like I knew how long I'd be waiting," He retorted. Kanda tried to ignore the sudden wave of anxiousness he felt.

Lavi shrugged. "Well, you can get up now," Lavi said with a slight smile. "Unless that nap from earlier wasn't long enough. I wouldn't judge you for deciding to pass out right there – I've passed out in weirder places."

Kanda decided to just ignore that comment too.

Standing, Kanda followed Lavi into the room where the old man was. Lavi hung back just to shut the door behind them, and Kanda could hear him lock it. The sound signified a sense of security, yet at the same time acted as a sharp reminder that Kanda didn't really know these men – which could be dangerous.

Not that Kanda could do much about it now. He had come inside willingly.

Kanda focused his gaze on the old man, who had actually been glimpsing out the window. He hardly seemed to have move the curtain that was currently drawn, but Kanda could see that the old man appeared to be looking out at something. Within a moment, the old man's eyes shifted, and landed on Kanda. Kanda tried to ignore the hairs that stood on the back of his neck.

The old man's expression was unreadable. "You're Yuu Kanda, correct?"

Kanda froze a little. Honestly, if he had just said Kanda's last name, that might not have been as startling. Had that been the case, it could have been a matter of Lavi just telling the mane Kanda's name. However, Kanda had not once spoken his _first_ name to Lavi. That immediately put Kanda on edge.

Kanda's eyes narrowed, as he completely ignored the old man's inquiry. "You going to tell me who you are?"

If the man were fazed by Kanda's blatant disregard, it didn't show. "You can call me Bookman. That's what everyone calls me."

 _'Bookman,'_ Kanda thought, immediately recalling what Tiedoll had told him back in the village. He had spoken of two men who had come to the village – the Bookmen, Tiedoll called them. A group of individuals who seemed to keep record of things involving exorcists and akuma….that was what Tiedoll had said. He hadn't learned much more from the exchange with the Bookmen though.

Damn, what else had Tiedoll said though? _"Two men came to the village – one younger, one older."_

Kanda eyed both Bookman and Lavi. These two couldn't have been…

A frown remained on Kanda's face as his eyes flickered to Lavi, before returning to Bookman. "Bookman," Kanda repeated, his voice wary. "There's a group of you, isn't there?"

Bookman raised a brow. "Ah, yes. You've heard of us I see."

"Two of you came to the village I'm from a year ago," Kanda pointed out.

"Yes, that was me, and my apprentice," Bookman answered, before glancing in Lavi's direction. "I recall you were gone at the time – but that other exorcist. The one at the church. He spoke of you."

 _'Tiedoll,'_ Kanda realized, wondering just what all Tiedoll and this man had discussed. He also wondered how much Marie had been involved. "Why did Tiedoll-"

"We asked him for a description of you. Since there was no indication of whether you would return to that area or not. Considering you know of us, I'm assuming you were also informed of why we're looking for exorcists."

Oh, Kanda knew. He knew that the Bookmen had been looking for other exorcists – new recruits, potentially, for the Order. He thought it made sense that Tiedoll would have gone ahead and given them a description of Kanda so the Bookmen could pick him out, yet…Kanda felt weird about this. He also felt a small pang of guilt from Bookman's reminder that Tiedoll would have had no idea if Kanda were ever returning at that point.

God, but the fact that these people knew who Kanda was….

' _Wait,'_ Kanda thought, immediately shooting a cold look in Lavi's direction. Had Lavi _known_ all along who Kanda was? God, Kanda's judgment had clearly been off if that were the case. It was also just infuriating to think that the rabbit had been one step ahead.

Noticing Kanda's icy glower, Lavi threw his hands up defensively. "Hey, why are you looking at me like that? It's not like I _immediately_ knew who you were or anything. Nothing personal."

"Tch," Kanda quietly sneered, silently promising never to trust Lavi. Ever.

Bookman looked at Kanda. "I heard you actually made yourself synchronize with your innocence. You realize how dangerous that is, don't you?"

Turning his attention back to the old man, Kanda scowled. Great, was this some kind of lecture? He didn't need someone else trying to parent him.

When Kanda didn't answer right away, Bookman continued. "Look at your innocence," He instructed. He became insistent when Kanda didn't do so right away. "Go on, and do it. No one here is trying to trick you, so you can stop acting so damn paranoid."

Bristling a little, Kanda pulled out Mugen. The blade was still covered in dark, vein-like cracks.

"You see those?" Bookman pointed out, motioning to the cracks in the blade. "That's your innocence's current form beginning to break down, which means it's becoming unstable."

 _Unstable._ Lavi had said something about Kanda's innocence being unstable as well. But what did "unstable" mean? Harder to control? Kanda knew that there was a risk to forcing innocence to synchronize with a person – he had nearly killed himself by doing so, and it had only been by some miracle that Kanda was even able to do it. He _still_ wasn't sure how exactly he had done it, or what factors had been key in Kanda's synchronizing with Mugen. But now if Mugen was unstable…

Kanda re-sheathed Mugen before he looked at Bookman. "Okay…so what does that mean exactly?"

Bookman scoffed. "Huh. You're not very bright, are you?"

Kanda felt his eye twitch, and out of the corner of his eye he thought he saw Lavi cover his mouth with the back of his hand. _'Say one word, you damn rabbit, and I swear…'_

"It means, it's gradually breaking down into a raw state where it won't be as easy – if even possible – for you to control. And since you're the accommodator it'll be taking a physical toll on you as well."

Kanda blinked as he took in Bookman's words. As they began to sink in, Kanda thought about how he had felt lately: tired, worn out, and in pain. Kanda had felt these things more in the past month it seemed. He actually had started to notice earlier…but he hadn't dealt with it. The physical discomfort Kanda experienced had never been so great that it completed hindered his travels or actions, so he simply chalked it up to the stress of being on the move so much.

Really, it had been a lie. A lie that Kanda told himself. Kanda had known there was probably a connection to the state of his health and his innocence. Tiedoll had always warned Kanda about it, so it wasn't as though Bookman's words were actually groundbreaking news. What they were was annoying, nagging, and irritatingly _ominous_. Kanda already knew the risks.

Kanda re-sheathed Mugen, willing himself to ignore the cracks in the blade. "I've been able to control Mugen in the past – I should still be able to control it now."

"Are you even listening?" Bookman interjected, his tone sharp. "Only a fool would continue to think such a thing. Innocence isn't some _toy_ you can whip around whenever you desire."

"I _know_ that," Kanda snapped, becoming more incensed by the minute with how Bookman was speaking to him. Kanda wasn't _stupid_ – he knew handling innocence was dangerous. But, god, Bookman was now staring at Kanda with this _look_ as if he expected Kanda to just stop wielding Mugen or something-

A thought clicked, and Kanda looked at Bookman. "You don't seriously expect me to not use my innocence?" Kanda accused. "How am I supposed to fight akuma?"

Lavi spoke up at this point. "It's nothing that would be permanent. Obviously you were able to synchronize with it for a reason. But, it would be safer for everyone if you didn't activate your innocence for the time being. Not until we get to the Order at least."

"And _then_ what?" Kanda asked. "I've already told you I don't intend to stick around long, so if this is some weird way-"

Lavi rolled his bright green eyes. "Seesh, how many chips do you have on your shoulder?"

"Not as many as you're about to have…"

"Look, maybe you didn't register that your innocence is out of commission, but you can't exactly give me any nicks without a sword."

"Don't _push_ me, rabbit."

"Why do you even call me that? If we're at the level of being so familiar that we use nicknames, then I'm at least going to start calling you Yuu now-"

"Both of you, _quiet,_ " Bookman suddenly hushed, causing both Lavi and Kanda to stop their bickering. The old man was looking out the window again, with a stoic expression.

Lavi glanced at Bookman curiously. "Um, gramps?" He asked, sounding uncertain.

As Bookman looked out, his eyes remained on old cobbled street below where a figure stood. It was a man, seemingly middle-aged and with pale, ashen-colored skin. Dark circles were beneath his eyes as he stared up hollowly at the window that Bookman was looking out from. There were two more men with the stranger, but Bookman couldn't quite make out their features.

"There's a man outside in a dark coat. He's been following me for a while now, and it looks like he has some friends with him," Bookman spoke, as he kept his eye on the man. Glancing back to Lavi and Kanda from the corner of his eye, Bookman continued. "You both should leave now – Lavi, you know where to go from here."

Kanda was surprised by the urgency of which the old man spoke – and confused. "What, you want us to leave you here? Do you even have any idea who that man is?"

Lavi's expression was serious as he too was glancing in the direction of the window. "Kanda, I don't think it's a man…" Lavi murmured, suspicion lacing his words.

Bookman was still looking out the window. Outside, he saw the man still standing, but the other two strangers walk toward the entrance of the inn. Quickly, Bookman turned back to Lavi and Kanda. "You two leave _now._ Two of them are coming in through the front, so make sure to leave out the back. There's an exit there you can take," The old man instructed before turning to Lavi. "Be sure to take that report I gave you to Komui when you get to headquarters. Don't lose it."

 _'Report, huh?'_ Kanda wondered, as he cast a brief look in Lavi's direction. He didn't have much time to ponder just what such a report might have entailed or who this _Komui_ was, because Lavi spoke up.

"Let's go," Lavi urged, nudging his head in the direction of the door.

Feeling a sudden wave of unease, Kanda found himself obliging. Swiftly, he followed Lavi outside into the hall where they then promptly started to walk down the stairs, hopefully before running into anyone…unpleasant.

Kanda looked at Lavi warily. "You know where the back exit is?"

Lavi nodded. "Yeah. Old panda back there gave me a quick run down before you came into the room."

Frowning, Kanda fought the urge to look back. "You sure we should have left him alone back there?"

Lavi grinned, his emerald gaze flashing in Kanda's direction. "Trust me. He may look ancient, but Bookman is tougher than a box of nails.""

Thinking back to how Bookman had practically _pummeled_ Lavi earlier downstairs, Kanda found himself surprisingly able to believe Lavi's words.

Just as they got to the end of the hall, Kanda caught sight of a man walking up from the back staircase. He was incredibly pale – paler than any person Kanda had ever seen. His eyes had a strangely hollow look to them, and he wore a long dark coat that only seemed to emphasize his ghostly appearance.

Kanda immediately felt the hairs stand on the back of his neck.

Out of the corner of his eye, Kanda glanced at Lavi. He noticed that the redhead seemed composed for the most part. However, a tremor of tension appeared to linger in the way Lavi carried himself.

Not good. Lavi being serious was not good.

Kanda said nothing, and neither did Lavi. Instead, the two of them walked on in silence. Kanda did his best to act as though nothing were off – maybe nothing was. But for some reason, he felt uncannily alert and just couldn't shake the sensation that something wasn't right. Something was just _off_. Something about the man.

The man was just passing them. Both Kanda and Lavi kept their eyes forward. _'Almost there,'_ Kanda thought.

They had just passed the man, and for a split second Kanda thought things would be fine. But he felt a shock of energy come from the sheath attached to his belt, and there was a small spark of light. _'Fuck-!'_

Lavi's head turned swiftly. "Kanda-!" He started, but was cut off as the pale man reacted. A hand, pallid and boney, morphed into some kind of small canon. Kanda's instinct kicked in as he jumped back, just as the man – the _akuma_ – fired a shot.

More out of habit than a conscious decision, Kanda's hand made a move to grab the hilt of Mugen.

"Damn it, Kanda, don't even try that!" Lavi's voice cut through, as he activated his own innocence so he could attack the akuma.

Kanda gritted his teeth. Crap, he couldn't use his innocence – hell, it was his innocent that had just given them away. _'Shit, Mugen, why?'_

A door could be heard opening down the hall, and Bookman rushed out. Just as the old man did so, two other strange men appeared at the other end of the hallway. However, Bookman hardly paid them any attention before pulling out what appeared to be several needles. Moving with a speed that didn't seem possible for such an old man, Bookman threw the needles at the akuma that had just attacked Kanda and Lavi. The needles pierced the akuma, sparking as the creature froze.

"You two, go _now!_ " Bookman shouted to Kanda and Lavi. "I can take care of these three!"

Kanda and Lavi glanced at each other, before turning back to where Bookman was. "Don't die, old man!" Lavi answered, though Kanda couldn't tell if he were joking or being serious.

Bookman scoffed before turning to the other two men – now akuma – and Kanda and Lavi ran.

* * *

Sleep wasn't necessary anymore. Alma hadn't realized it at first, but after what felt like endless hours of being trapped in that icy room he had started to notice that…he just wasn't tired. Not physically. It was as though Alma were lingering in a continuous state of alert consciousness. He was just so… _awake_. It was strange. Everything was strange.

Alma was still. He had paused his work on the mirror. Admittedly, Alma hadn't gotten very far – he had somehow managed to get a few pieces together, but there were just so _many_. He still had no idea how anyone expected him to piece the glass back together, and he still did not understand the significance of it all. It was just glass. Why was it even important?

Alma felt something move behind him, and shuddered. God, he had a fucking _tail_ now. It hadn't been there when Alma had first woken up (however long ago that had been), and he wasn't even sure when it had started to develop. It was like he just noticed this _thing_ coming out his lower back, right where the spine was. At first he hadn't paid it much attention; between he freaky blue appendages on his hand, and the strange knobbiness in his knees, Alma had just taken the sensation as one more bizarre side effect. He'd nearly had a heart attack when he finally noticed the stub that seemed to be sprouting from his lower back, though it was already longer.

Alma wondered if he could cut it off.

Actually, screw it – he was going to try to do just that.

Pulling his jacket and then shirt off, Alma noticed he instantly felt more comfortable. His clothes had started to feel unpleasant and ill-fitting against his body, so the removal of them provided immediate relief to Alma. When had his clothing begun to feel so suffocating?

No matter. If Alma didn't need his shirt anymore, it was better. He would need something to…stop the blood.

Looking around, Alma contemplated using one of the mirror shards to try to cut the tail off. He tried not to cringe too much as he thought about what it would feel like, and focused his attention on finding a large enough piece of ice to do the dirty deed.

A little bit away, the ice woman (Alma didn't know what to call her – he still hadn't figured out what her name was) remained leaning against the wall. She hadn't said anything to Alma in hours, which Alma had assumed was a good thing. Her eyes were actually closed, and the woman was so still that Alma almost wondered if she were asleep.

As Alma shuffled around looking for a large enough piece of ice, the woman opened her eyes. Her gaze piercingly landed on Alma. "What are you doing?" She asked, her voice shattering the silence of the icy chamber.

The sound of the woman's voice was a little startling to Alma. He turned to look at the woman, his brow furrowed in annoyance. Damn, she pissed him off – why did she have to constantly keep tabs on what he was doing? More to spite her, Alma turned away, and resumed his search for a piece of ice silently.

The woman arched her brow as she watched Alma move. She saw Alma eventually locate a decently sized chunk of ice, where he then twisted back slightly to grab his tail.

Realization dawned on the woman. "You're not seriously going to try to cut that tail off, are you? God, you can't even _reach_ it properly back there. You're just going to make a mess."

Alma whipped his face back in the woman's direction, glaring. "I don't _want_ it!" He snapped, his response sounding far more venomous than he had intended.

The woman rolled her eyes. "You really are something else," She muttered, before sighing in exasperation. "Fine. Cut the damn tail off. It's only coming out of your spine, and will grow back anyways. Maybe you can even make a game out of it: see how quickly it takes to grow back each time you decide to hack it off."

Alma felt a surge of anger flare throughout him, and for a second he thought as though he would lose control of himself and throw the icy shard at the woman.

Alma's eyes continued to flash, even as he attempted to keep his temper in check. "You don't know that for sure. You're probably just saying that."

Surprisingly, the woman didn't seem to be all that aggravated by Alma's comment. In fact, she appeared to have expected it. "I'm not," She countered, her voice calmer than before.

The calmness of her words seemed to be strangely contagious, and Alma felt his anger lessen a little. He tensed back up when he noticed the woman had approached him though.

Alma stood, eying the woman warily. "What are you- _hey!_ "

The woman swiped the icy shard from Alma before he had a chance to stop her, and she immediately held it out of his reach (an easy enough task since the woman was practically an amazon). "Look, brat, you're just going to hurt yourself. Stop wasting time already."

Alma clenched his fists. "Would you stop calling me that? I have a name – it's _Alma_."

Tossing the shard to the side, the woman looked at Alma blankly. "I really don't care if you do or not. Eventually you won't either."

This caught Alma's attention – possibly because it was such a peculiar thing to say. "What do you mean by that?" He asked, his tone still somewhat on edge yet curious.

When the woman didn't respond, Alma pressed further. "Why wouldn't I care about having a name? Can't you at least answer that since you don't seem to answer anything else I ask?"

Eyes narrowing, the woman looked at Alma for a few seconds. She then looked at the unfinished mirror on the ground. "If you get your ass back to work I will. I'm not going to tell you anything if it's going to distract you."

Alma hesitated. He really would have rather not continued to mess with the mirror, but his desire to find any kind of answer to what was going on was overpowering. Conceding to the woman's terms, Alma simply nodded. As he went back to work on the mirror, he attempted to ignore the small bitterness of defeat that could be tasted in the back of his throat.

The woman seemed to wait a moment, and Alma realized with mild annoyance that she wasn't going to talk until he _actually_ made an effort to start trying to place the mirror shards together. Alma tried not to make a face as he started to rearrange the mirror shards, doing his best to look as though he were focusing.

When the woman seemed appeased, she finally broke the silence. "You know there was someone else before you who had a tail too. They tried to cut it off," She started. "It's how I know yours would grow back."

The words were completely unexpected. Alma couldn't even bring himself to vocalize a reaction – there were just so many implications packed into the few words the woman had spoken. The most disturbing implication being that there had been someone else.

Where were they now? Were they even still…?

Even though Alma knew he was supposed to be _focusing_ on the mirror, he found the task dauntingly impossible. Turning, he allowed his eyes to move to the woman warily. "What happened to them?" Alma asked as he tried to ignore the small part of himself that _didn't_ want to know.

The woman's icy gaze met Alma's, and for a moment Alma wondered if she would stop talking. But, she continued, somewhat surprising Alma. "Eventually he didn't notice it anymore. Forgot he used to be human. Forgot his name. He even forgot the name of the woman he was supposed to have married – Claire, from what I recall," The woman went on. "I even called him by his name at one point, just to see if it would jog his memory or anything. It didn't."

Alma's blood felt cold. This…this was unnerving. What the hell was all going on here? From how the woman sounded, this person that had been around before Alma didn't sound like they were even…alive. Or were they?

Before Alma could ask, the woman seemed to know the unspoken question already. "He's long gone by now if that's what you're wondering. After a while he couldn't be of much use anymore, and he was only suffering."

Looking at Alma, the woman crossed her arms. "So you see. Names are important. You'll forget yours too, eventually. And you'll probably go off the deep end like that guy did."

Alma had completely stopped working on the mirror at this point, and was once again standing. He glared at the woman. "I'm not going to. You don't know anything about me."

Sighing, the woman shrugged. "Yeah, sure. Tell yourself that, kid."

"Look, just because _one person_ goes crazy doesn't mean it has to happen to _everyone_ – you've been here longer, haven't you? I mean you must have if you know of 'others' who have gone through this. You seem sane," Alma countered, before silently adding, ' _-ish.'_

"That's because I'm not like you. You and the others who have come through here are…different."

"Different…?" Alma started, frowning. He tried to ignore the fact that he could feel his damn _tail_ swishing behind him in agitation. "Can't you stop being all cryptic for like five minutes!? You don't tell me anything, and your _master_ doesn't tell me anything – no one is telling me anything! You haven't even explained what you and your damn master did to me-"

Alma was cut off when he felt a strong hand grab him by the arm, and the next thing he knew he was hurled into the wall. The wind was briefly knocked from his lungs as his head snapped back against the icy surface, his eyes shutting upon impact. He grimaced, though the sensation wasn't exactly as painful as it was _irritating._

Alma opened his eyes to see the woman glowering at him darkly. "You will _not_ speak of Lady Anita in such a manner. Speak of her disrespectfully again and I'll personally rip you to shreds."

Scoffing, Alma looked away. "I thought you didn't care for names."

The woman seemed to falter, but only for a second before she caught herself. She scowled. "I don't care for _your_ name. Or anyone else that's come through here."

Alma gathered himself, standing straight so that he wasn't leaning back against the ice-covered wall. He was tempted to fire something back – an insult, a hit, _anything_ really. Alma just felt angry and frustrated, and ugh, it was hard not to punch something. Especially that brawny bitch who just seemed to get a rise out of bossing Alma around…

The woman looked as though she were about to say something (possibly about how Alma was just standing there and glaring daggers at her), but she froze.

Alma raised an eyebrow curiously, not sure what the deal was. The woman turned, almost as though she had heard something – but what? Alma hadn't heard anything. That strange woman (Lady Anita, or whatever) wasn't around. Hell, _no one_ was around. No one except Alma and this other woman.

But, then Alma felt it. It wasn't noticeable at first; it was something like an aggravating tickle on his shoulder, subtle but impossible to ignore. Then, it felt like a tug. An annoying string of iron that had gently begun to pull Alma toward something.

It made Alma uneasy, and for some reason anxious.

Alma looked back at the woman. "What is that?"

The woman's eyes flashed briefly to Alma. "Stay here. Don't leave," She instructed sharply, as she started off.

Alma's mouth dropped. "What? No, I'm not just going to stay here while you walk off!"

Gritting her teeth, the woman whipped back around to face Alma. "Look, _stay here_. Focus on the mirror, be a good boy, and maybe I won't break your nose for being so obnoxious when I come back."

The pull felt stronger, distracting Alma from speaking back right away. It was beginning to feel like a maddening sensation, and god, _what the hell was it?_

Sensing Alma's distraction, the woman casted a final glance in his direction before dashing off. She was out of the room quickly – more so than Alma thought possible for her to move.

Suddenly, Alma was alone.

Alone. Actually alone. No one to watch him. No one to harass him. Really, that woman had been the only force to actually make Alma stay and mess with the mirror. That other woman – Lady Anita – wasn't around, either. At least, Alma had no idea where she was. Maybe she wasn't even close by, and maybe she had gone somewhere else to do who-knew-what.

So…Alma could leave. He could escape. There was nothing physically _stopping_ him-

Alma shuddered, as he felt a ripple of _something_ course through his body. That pull again. What was that?

It had been the reason the woman left. Alma didn't know how to explain it, but he just _knew_ it was the reason. _'She left so abruptly,'_ Alma thought, wondering just what it could have been that seemed to alert the woman so suddenly. Alma himself felt on alert as well. Why, though?

Another nagging pull, and now it seemed even stronger than before. It was almost instinctive with how on guard Alma felt, and how he felt so compelled to find the source of the pull. It was almost obsessive, really – Alma couldn't even think clearly about anything else.

He shook his head. _'No. Don't think about the pull. Think about getting away – you have to get out of here.'_

 _('And go where…?')_

 _'Go anywhere. ANYWHERE. Just not here – don't_ stay _here-'_

('Damn it, that pull though…')

 _'Ignore it, don't follow it – just_ ignore _it!'_

 _('But I can't ignore it – I_ can't- _')_

'Yes, you

can-'

"FUCK!" Alma cursed, punching the wall so hard that a _crack_ appeared, with silvery, spider-like veins dancing outward. He took a few deep breaths, trying to calm himself as he shut his eyes tightly. "Fuck this, _fuck this…"_ He breathed, not even sure what to do. It was as though there were two voices in his head, constantly fighting each other for control…

All that Alma knew was that the pull hadn't disappeared, and if anything felt stronger. And it was making Alma feel crazy.

Opening his eyes, Alma looked in the direction the woman had gone off in. That was the direction the pull was coming from. Alma could feel it. He could feel every fiber in his body screaming to go to it, whatever it was.

Alma would probably lose his mind if he didn't go.

Somewhere, deep down, Alma didn't want to go though. Underneath the terrifyingly strong urge to seek whatever was causing the pull, a part of Alma wanted nothing more than to avoid whatever it was – to turn away and repress it with all his strength.

But, Alma wasn't strong enough to repress it. He couldn't.

Alma ran in the direction of the pull.

* * *

 **A/N:** I've gotten reaaaaaaally lazy with editing, so I apologize for any and all errors. I'll probably go back in the future to tweak things, but I've honestly been really exhausted and just wanted to get the chapter posted.

For those of you who don't follow me on Tumblr, I've been really sick and was hospitalized recently due to hypokalemia (basically where you don't have enough potassium for one reason or another, which can cause your heart and kidneys to fail). I had to have an IV transfusion of potassium, which helped get my level up to a safer number but it was pretty excruciating and took a lot out of me. So I've been recovering from that.

The good news is that since this was finally addressed, I now know why I've been sick the past few months and why it's been so hard for me to focus and concentrate. Hopefully this means writing will be a little easier again as well. ^^ It was really upsetting for me because writing was really difficult with how terrible I felt, but I'm optimistic things will be moving along now for me.

Anyways, this was one of those chapters that I went back and forth on with how to go about. There's a lot going on an being alluded to for future chapters, primarily with Kanda's innocence (ohhhh, those good old complications). Alma is also back, and I was so happy to write his part; I really enjoy writing his scenes, especially because there is a serious internal struggle going on with the whole akuma transition. (Identity crisis much? I need to bring Allen into this shit too so they can just pow wow or something XD) The next chapter will be focusing more on Alma with what I have planned now - especially with that little cliffhanger. Wonder what that pull is about, eh? ;D

Feedback welcomed as always! Again, I'm sorry for any errors and the somewhat disjointed note. Hopefully it can be forgiven, but I think I did okay given I just got out of the hospital a few days ago? XDDD

But yeah. HAVE A LOVELY EVENING EVERYONE. 3


	17. The Finders

**Lotus in the Snow (Snow Queen AU)**

 **Chapter Sixteen**  
 _The Finders_

Maosa wasn't fond of the cold. He wasn't fond of the snow, either. This was more for practical reasons than anything: the snow was hard to trek through, and the cold was uncomfortable. If these factors had not existed, Maosa probably wouldn't have minded the winter too much, and maybe even enjoyed it. But, Maosa was far too inclined toward the milder seasons. Spring and fall were his favorites, and Maosa found that he longed for those most frequently.

A cold gust of wind blew past Maosa. He pulled his beige-colored hood farther over his head, which was vulnerable to the air with how short his hair was cut.

Behind Maosa, a second man followed. He too was dressed in a long beige coat, with the hood up to cover his light, somewhat shaggy hair. He also had a gray backpack that he was carrying, which was identical to what Maosa had.

The second man shuddered in the cold. "Ugh, I never want to get sent this far north again…"

"Someone had to do it, Kie," Maosa murmured, though he tried not to dwell on the distaste he felt for their current location. He turned to Kie. "We just need to finish scoping out this area. If all goes well, we shouldn't be here too long."

Another gust of wind blew past, somewhat cutting Maosa off. He shut his eyes, attempting to block out the biting cold.

At the moment, Maosa and his partner, Kie, were making their way far up into northern Norway. It was foreign territory to them both – neither Maosa or Kie had ever ventured this far north before. Neither had really planned on it either. However, both men had been dispatched to the area on command of the Black Order. And it was their job to do as the Black Order instructed – they _were_ finders, after all.

Maosa pulled out his compass, and tried to read just which direction they were heading in. Looking back, he had never planned on becoming a finder, or someone who basically scoped out areas for _supernatural_ activity of all things. Maosa had never even been a superstitious person; he had always been responsible and logical. He had needed to be so that he could take care of his younger brother, Chaoji, after their mother passed away years ago.

Perhaps that was where Maosa's sense of responsibility had come from – what with taking care of Chaoji and all. Chaoji had never been a bad kid by any means, but he was often reckless and a bit wild when it came to his emotions. Since Maosa was the more level-headed of the two brothers, this had also added to his instinct to remain somewhat protective of Chaoji – so much, that Maosa had become a finder once the Order recruited Chaoji as an exorcist.

Maosa exhaled, trying to get his compass to straighten. He had only been a finder for a few months now. The lifestyle was gradually becoming more of a routine, but he still at times struggled to figure things out. It was all worth it though; being a finder allowed Maosa to keep in touch with Chaoji. When a member of the Order had learned that Chaoji was the accommodator for an equipment-type innocence, Maosa and Chaoji had naturally been concerned over whether or not they would ever see each other again. It was something that was terrifying to the brothers, especially considering that they were the only family each other had. And the idea of Chaoji being constantly in danger while Maosa did _nothing_ …well, that notion was just unacceptable.

"Hey, is that compass working or not?" Kie asked, drawing Maosa's attention.

Maosa shook the compass a little. "It keeps spinning – it's like something is messing up the signal."

Kie sighed, sounding stressed and worn. "Gee, I thought that science division or whatever fixed it so it wouldn't act up? I'm starting to question some of the things those guys are working on, and I still don't get how some of these tools they gave us are supposed to work."

"I'm sure they're doing what they can," Maosa responded calmly. He gently hit the compass with the gloved palm of his hand. "I think it's steading now though – I don't know what was making it act up."

Kie appeared relieved when he heard this, though his relief faded when he saw Maosa frown. "What is it?" He asked, sounding a little nervous.

Maosa glanced back at Kie. "We've been heading more northeast than northwest – so we're not going to be at the proper coordinates," Maosa explained. "We should start backtracking now while we're still awake. It's dark enough as it is, but if we can hang in there a little while longer we might be able to find a town somewhere."

Kie groaned. "I had a feeling we were going in the wrong direction. It's a barren wasteland out here."

"It's winter and we're all the way up north – what did you expect?" Maosa asked, though he couldn't bring himself to disagree with the second part of Kie's statement. The two finders were currently in a remote location where they were surrounded but a stretch of snowy land and frosted mountains powdered in white. The dark sky was cloudy – black and smoldering, like a void that blanketed the earth.

Kie spoke up again. "I know we're a little off course, but you don't think General Cross would actually be in this area, do you? I mean, there's _nothing_ out here."

Maosa hesitated. He then shook his head, answering. "No, I don't think it's likely. Anyways, our mission wasn't solely to locate Cross. We were to be on the lookout for any signs regarding his whereabouts, but our goal was to investigate the area for any signs of akuma activity or innocence."

"I don't know," Kie responded uncertainly. He looked around the area they were in. "I mean…this place is kind of empty, and I know we're not exactly in the right place, but the area here doesn't seem…that off."

"It could be nothing," Maosa pointed out. He looked at Kie, smiling. "Just means we can go back to headquarters sooner. We should count it as a blessing."

Kie's mood appeared to lighten a little. "You sound eager to get back. Glad I'm not the only one."

Maosa nodded. "Yeah, well I was hoping to get back before Chaoji ended up getting sent on a mission or something. He was still training with Yeagar, but…I feel like everything with these akuma and the innocence gets so unpredictable, you know?" He explained, not sure if Kie would follow or not. Although Maosa had known Kie for his whole time since coming to the Order, Maosa didn't actually know if Kie had any family or not. If he did, the man had never once said anything to Maosa.

"I gotcha," Kie said, as he took a moment to re-adjust his backpack. "Honestly that's why the Order doesn't really permit people to keep in contact with loved ones back home. This whole holy war the higher ups keep talking about is nothing but a bunch of explosives waiting to be set off…"

Kie paused, looking thoughtful, and for a moment Maosa wondered what his partner was thinking about. Did Kie have family somewhere else, who may or may not have any idea what had happened to him? One thing Maosa had learned at the Order was that people rarely spoke about their lives prior to becoming finders or accommodators. Even Maosa and Chaoji rarely discussed the earlier part of their lives, unless they were in the company of each other and alone (and even that was a rarity).

Moasa wasn't sure how much time had passed, but Kie finally spoke again. "You and Chaoji are both pretty lucky to have each other. I'm sure we'll get back before he has to head out anywhere. The Order is still trying to find other exorcists, and since there aren't as many with us yet it's not as though they're going to just send the few we have into a fight without properly training them."

The words were somewhat comforting to Maosa. "Yeah. Thanks, Kie."

Kie smiled, but his smile faltered as he glanced off to the side, expression becoming alert.

Maosa frowned. "What is it?" He asked, his light tone evaporating instantly.

Kie didn't answer right away, and his expression remained serious. His eyes flickered back and forth, staring into the darkness. "I thought I saw something move over there," He answered, words low.

Maosa felt himself grow tense. His gaze flickered to the side as well. They were in a clearing, with only mountains and some woods surrounding them. "You sure?" Maosa asked, looking around cautiously. "Could you tell what it might have been at all?"

Kie shook his head. "No, but it moved fast…"

"You don't think it was an animal, do you?"

Raising an eyebrow, Kie looked at Maosa. "I don't know. Possibly a lynx? I only caught a glimpse, but I didn't think lynxes moved that quickly…"

"Well, right now we're out in the open so we should get moving-"

"Over there!" Kie cut him off, just as a figure could be seen swiftly moving in the darkness.

Maosa squinted, just barely making out the form. It was hard to tell what it was with how fast it was moving, but he was sure of one thing: it was no lynx, and it was moving on two legs. _'It almost looks humanoid,'_ Maosa realized, before his mind seemed to catch up as he realized what the creature most likely was.

Alarm filled Maosa, and he took off his backpack. "Kie, it's an akuma!"

At that moment, something blasted at the two finders. It was a beam of light the color of ultraviolet, and just narrowly Maosa was able to dodge it. The blast instead hit the snowy ground, which immediately became covers in black pentacles that began to sizzle into smoke.

"Shit!" Kie cursed, as he also took off his backpack, trying to move quickly. "Maosa, get your talisman out!"

Maosa had already done so, pulling out what appeared to be some kind of lantern out of his backpack. On the base of it was a series of markings, oh which he pressed on with two fingers. The lantern immediately lit up.

Out of the darkness, something – likely the akuma – lashed at the two finders. However, just as the creature did so a barrier shielded Maosa and Kie, preventing the akuma from getting to them.

Kie winced, feeling the impact on the shield from the attack. "You think it's a level one?"

"It better be!" Maosa responded, desperately hoping that the akuma _was_ a level one. The shield produced by the lantern couldn't be penetrated by a single, level one akuma. However, if the akuma were a level two or higher, the shield wouldn't hold.

Another blast of light hit the shield, and Kie grimaced. "Man, that thing out there is determined."

Maosa looked up, trying to see if he could spot just where the akuma was beyond the shield. "Can you see it?"

"No, it's moving way too fast for me to keep up – _crap!_ "

Kie about fell backwards as the akuma came at the shield. "Kie!" Maosa called, but was distracted when he finally caught a somewhat better look at the akuma. It still was hard to see, given how dark it was outside of the shield, but the lantern gave just enough illumination so Maosa could make out some of the details of the akuma.

As he had initially believed, Maosa could see that this akuma _did_ have a humanoid appearance; usually, it was only the fact that was an echo of something-once human. With this akuma, the whole physique was close to what a normal person might have had – _might_ have. There were still too many characteristics that were clearly belonging to that of an akuma though. Skin too pale to hold any real warmth, and covered in strange, colored markings that Maosa did not have time to focus on. Nails that appeared much too claw-like, and pointed ears. Hell, Maosa even thought he caught sight of a tail whipping about – which seemed so out of place and animalistic.

The akuma had faltered in its attack on the shield, with the energy produced by the lanterns blocking it. This seemed to throw the akuma off slightly, as it staggered back from the shield. It looked up, and Maosa's dark eyes locked with the akuma's.

Blue. So blue, and unnaturally bright like a clear winter sky. Pupils heavily dilated.

Maosa couldn't look away. It was too unsettling. He had never looked into the eyes of an akuma directly, and he had not expected them to look so…

 _'Human. Those eyes look so_ human, _'_ Maosa thought.

Did akuma eyes always look like this? Like twisted remnants of the people these monsters once were?

Maosa had to look away. Time had seemed to stop for that terrifying second, but Maosa remembered that right now maintaining focus was critical. He couldn't afford to let the akuma distract him in such a way.

Something in the akuma's eyes shifted though. Despite the uncanny, human-like eyes, the irises seemed to be filled with a venomous hatred that was unmistakable. However, there was a fleeting instant where that hatred seemed to momentarily vanish. It was instead replaced with a feeling that Maosa recognized immediately, and one that shook him to the core.

 _Fear._

This caused Maosa to hesitate briefly – just long enough for the akuma to suddenly be knocked down by something else entirely.

Maosa was completely shocked. Out of nowhere, something had literally come out of the darkness and _attacked_ the akuma. Through the shield, Maosa had to squint to try to focus on…was that a person? It looked like it, but no person could appear like that out of thin air and _tackle_ an akuma.

Unless…were they _both_ akuma?

Kie, who had since straightened himself, was also staring with a stunned expression. "What the hell?" He asked, not even sure if he was seeing things properly. "Are they _both_ akuma? Why are they fighting each other?"

Maosa was wondering they same thing. Akuma were demons who seemed to have a common goal: to kill humans, and to hunt innocence. They didn't tend to demonstrate rational thinking (especially the lower-level akuma), so the sight of two akuma fighting each other was far more than a little abnormal.

Maosa shook his head. "I don't know, but once they get a little farther away we're getting the hell out of here," He muttered, watching as the first akuma who had attacked them was thrown back by the other creature.

Turning to Kie, Maosa kept his voice low. "Look, for whatever reason…those two are fighting each other now. We can question it later, but we need to get out of here so we can contact someone from the Order about this."

Kie nodded. "Yeah," He said before nodding his direction back south. "That forest that starts isn't too far away – we can probably make it to there, and hopefully lose them after that."

"Sounds better than staying here," Maosa agreed, as he looked back to where the akuma were. They were farther now, and seemed to have completely forgotten about the two finders. "Okay, ready?"

"Yeah," Kie affirmed, before the two finders shut off their lanterns and made a break for the woods.

* * *

 _Running. Outside. Cold. Snow. Dark sky. It's nighttime._

 _More running._

He didn't know where was he running. He didn't know why. It was as though his body had a mind of its own, acting on pure and animalistic instinct.

 _A fire seemed to burn deep within his core, propelling him onward. He still didn't know where – there was just this_ pull _that he couldn't ignore, that was overwhelming and maddening. It was impossible to ignore. He felt like he was losing himself._

 _He felt like he was_ suffocating _._

'I hate this. I hate this!' _He kept thinking. It was the only thing he could think about: his hatred. His hatred for whatever was happened. His hatred for others. God, he hated people_ so much.

 _That pull was there again. He felt it. Stopping, he felt his body still as he looked through the darkness. There were two figures – two people – out there._

 _They hadn't seen him yet. They had no idea he was watching them. And for some reason, they made him angry._

 _He started running again-_

Alma felt the air leave him as he was thrown back onto the snowy ground, the powdery substance feeling oddly abrasive against his skin. He quickly forgot about the physical sensation as he felt something grip his throat, pinning him down so that he couldn't move.

"You damn _idiot_ ," A familiar voice hissed. "Just what the hell is wrong with you!?"

Alma opened his eyes, which were wide as he stared up into the face of none other than the brawny woman who had been keeping him captive. Alma immediately started to struggle. Jesus, why the hell was she pinning him down? Why the hell were they in the _snow_?

"Get off of me!" Alma growled, as he kicked at the woman before he struggled a little more.

The woman only seemed to strengthen her hold. "Not until you calm down! Do you even realize what you're doing out here!?"

Her question caused Alma to pause his squirming as he actually thought about what the woman was asking. _Did_ he know what he was doing out there? When did he even get outside?

"Um…no…" Alma answered, his voice sounding more unsure than he would have liked to have sounded.

The woman exhaled. "Figures," She muttered, before glancing elsewhere. She seemed to be looking around for something, but for what Alma had no idea.

After a moment, the woman got off of Alma. She didn't once allow him to leave her sight though.

Alma stood, feeling as though he had just come out of some weird dream. Looking around, he saw that he and the woman were outside in a snowy clearing. Ice-capped mountains could be seen, along with a stretch of forests, but none of the area looked familiar to Alma. He noticed the sky was dark and starless.

Alma looked at the woman warily. "Why are we here? Did you knock me out or something?"

His tone was somewhat accusatory, and this seemed to incense the woman. Her eyes flashed in the darkness. "I didn't do _anything,_ " She bit back. "But you? You just gave away our location! I told you to stay behind for a _reason_ -"

"What!? What are you even talking about?" Alma interrupted. "I just woke up, and you were _attacking me!_ "

"No, _you_ were attacking those two humans! I had to practically rip you away from them because you wouldn't stop!" The woman snapped. "I came out here to make sure they would go away, but then you had to come out of nowhere like some reckless animal!"

Alma quieted at this. He had…attacked someone? No, that couldn't have happened – Alma wouldn't attack someone. He just….wouldn't. Anyways, he would have remembered something like that, wouldn't he?

Alma shook his head. "No, that's not possible. I wouldn't-" He faltered for some reason, not knowing why. Alma tried to collect himself. "I wouldn't come out here and just attack someone-"

"Then what were you doing?"

Alma looked at the woman, confused. "What?"

The woman crossed her arms, frowning and expression stern. "You said it wasn't possible. So then tell me: _what_ were you doing?"

Alma felt himself freeze up. This woman, so tall and imposing, was staring at Alma expectantly, and waiting for an answer. Suddenly, Alma realized with dread that he didn't _have_ an actual answer to give. He was standing there trying to defend himself, but the truth was that Alma _couldn't_ defend himself, because he didn't _know_ what had happened. He could hardly even remember anything. He just remembered running, and…feeling angry….

 _'I wouldn't attack anyone though – I wouldn't do that!'_ A voice from inside Alma wanted to argue. His mouth remained shut though, and his throat was dry.

The woman sighed, seeing that Alma was not able to answer. She ran a hand over her shaved head, and for a moment Alma could see how oddly worn out she looked. Tired. Strangely normal. It was a small instant, but one that stood out to Alma regardless.

"Look," The woman started, her voice less accusatory but still glazed with irritation. "You can't be anywhere near humans anymore. It's too much of a trigger to your akuma instincts."

 _'Akuma…'_ Alma thought. That word. He had heard it before. The night he was with that strange man, and…Kanda…

Unwillingly, Alma found himself recalling Kanda. Kanda's face. Kanda's frown. Kanda's smile. Each memory was like a tear in his heart, and he immediately tried to repress the memories that so intrusively pierced through his mind. "What's an akuma?" Alma asked quickly, more to distract himself than anything. "I've heard that word before, but…I don't know what it means."

The woman paused, looking at Alma. The harshness in her gaze seemed to falter. "It's what you are. Akuma…they're meant to kill," She explained, as she gaged Alma's expression. "What my master did to you was to slow the process, not even so much physically as mentally."

Eyes meeting Alma's, the woman's expression hardened once more. "But that won't help much if you're just exposing yourself to other humans – if you kill or give in that instinct at all, it'll only speed up the process."

Alma couldn't speak. It was…it was just _a lot_. How could he respond to any of this even? Obviously something had happened to him – the physical changes were too much of an obvious give-away. But standing there and being told that he had been turned into something that was supposed to _kill_ people was far too much information for Alma to swallow. He knew that he had been fighting this woman trying to get answers, but now Alma regretted knowing. He didn't _want_ to know, and ignorance suddenly seemed kinder.

Alma then recalled what the woman had said earlier about the other person who had been around before Alma – someone who evidently had transitioned into an akuma as well. He had forgotten he was human.

 _"He's long gone by now if that's what you're wondering. After a while he couldn't be of much use anymore, and he was only suffering."_

As Alma thought about the words the woman had spoken to him, he felt a chill run up his spine. He hadn't asked what she had meant by those last words about the person being "gone", but there was a clear implication that they were likely put out of their misery.

God, was that what would happen to _Alma_?

Alma was far too scared to ask. He already was terrified from what he had just been told, and at this point he didn't think he could handle whatever answer the woman might have had for him. Instead, he tried to focus on something else. "Do you think they'll come back? Those people," He asked.

The woman glanced over to the woods. "I don't know. Those were…" The woman trailed off, sighing in frustration. "Nevermind. Just follow me back, okay? I'm _not_ your enemy, and I really don't have the patience to keep arguing with you."

Alma stayed quiet. He noticed that the woman hadn't exactly threatened him into cooperation as she had previously, but that still didn't exactly make him feel completely inclined to view her as any kind of ally. She said she wasn't Alma's enemy, but Alma was starting to question the nature of that word. Right now, it seemed anyone could be an enemy. Even himself.

He had to go back. Wherever he had been staying for however long it had been, Alma had to go back. He couldn't be out in the world around people. It wasn't even a matter that he didn't look like a normal person anymore, but now more a matter of how he wasn't _safe_ to be around. Alma had attacked two people. He had basically blacked out, and _forgotten_ who he was.

No, he couldn't forget. He would remind himself. His name was Alma. He was 19. He liked mayo, and he was good at putting things back together. He liked lotus flowers. Kanda had a lotus pin, and Alma had found it the night they met. And Alma loved him-

 _'Don't,'_ Alma told himself, as a sharp and horrible ache could be felt in his chest. He felt empty, and hollow. Remembering hurt.

Alma couldn't think about Kanda now. Alma wouldn't ever even see him again.

Realizing he hadn't moved a muscle since the woman last spoke, Alma finally nodded. "Okay," He said, agreeing to go. His response was soft.

Before the woman started walking, Alma glanced at her. "Do you remember your name?"

The woman looked somewhat surprised by this question, and almost as though she wasn't certain of how to answer. After a second, she gathered herself. "Mahoja."

She started walking on after that, leaving Alma almost a little taken aback. With what he had learned, he had assumed that maybe the woman – _Mahoja_ – had forgotten her name as well, hence why she never stated it. But…she still remembered it. Somehow.

Maybe Alma could find a way to remember his too. 

* * *

**A/N:** I probably should have edited more, but OH WELL. Sometimes I feel like once I start editing it's close to impossible to stop. So I try to limit myself to...not completely scrapping everything I write. _

Anyways, wrote from a slightly different perspective in the first part of this chapter. I've been planning on bringing in some finders for a while now, but I wasn't sure who exactly I wanted to bring in just yet. Maosa and Kie were who I ended up going with, partly for plot reasons later on and partly because I thought it was a fun reference to how they worked on the crew with Anita and Mahoja in canon.

As for Alma, I've been trying to get into the whole mentality of this akuma transition. I went back and looked at a few akuma (Mark/Claire, Eliade, and Chomesuke in particular) to get an idea of how they seemed to handle being an akuma. There's clearly an instinctive component of being an akuma that propels them to kill, though some may be more resistant than others. I imagine that would be a lot of what Alma is going through. Since the souls used to make akuma are tortured by their own hatred, that hatred seems to be what fuels them - which is why Alma's emotions will abruptly shift more in that direction (also similar to how his emotions develop in canon).

I've started writing the next part of this already, so that's good and hopefully the update will come soon! Please feel free to leave feedback, or message me. ^^ Thanks!


	18. Arrival

**Lotus in the Snow (Snow Queen AU)**

 **Chapter Seventeen**  
 _Arrival_

The sound of waves lapping against the side of the boat was rhythmic. It was lulling, and Kanda almost could have even said he felt relaxed if he wanted to. That was the nice thing about traveling by water; it was calming, so long as the weather was pleasant.

For once, Kanda had seemed to have lucked out. The ship that he and Lavi had boarded had experienced a surprisingly smooth journey so far. They had departed land late that afternoon, though now the sky had darkened into nighttime. Kanda was sure how many hours had passed exactly; time seemed to blend together. Time didn't feel as though it were passing swiftly, but it didn't feel as though it were dragging along either. It was just…there. Just moving as some intangible force that somehow had the power to dictate everything.

Kanda leaned against the railing. Land wasn't in view; there was nothing he could see but the ocean.

The taste of salt lingered in the air. It didn't exactly bother Kanda. There were more unpleasant things that he had experienced, and the salty taste was actually rather pleasant. Kanda didn't really understand why, but it was a quality he'd noticed the first time he had ever seen the sea. It hadn't been too long ago, actually; Kanda had never seen the sea growing up. His home was a place that was more landlocked, and not close to the coast, so Kanda hadn't seen the sea until he had left the village almost two years ago.

Absently, his mind wandered to Alma. Kanda wondered if Alma had been to the ocean.

The boat rocked, as a few waves disrupted the smoothness of the ship's course. The sensation wasn't alarming – there was no storm in sight, and by this point Kanda imagined they were getting close to their destination.

There was an odd flutter in Kanda's chest. Anxiousness. It was a normal way to feel; Kanda knew this, yet he still was annoyed with himself for feeling such an inconvenient emotion. He reminded himself it couldn't be helped – he and Lavi were finally going to where the Order was. Kanda would finally get some better answers.

Or would he?

"What're you thinking about?"

Kanda slightly flinched, only because Lavi had somehow managed to sneak up _right next to him_ without Kanda noticing. God, Kanda hated that; he'd noticed Lavi had an uncanny ability for walking lightly, though he was gradually becoming a bit more used to it.

Kanda didn't look at Lavi. "None of your business," He murmured, before his eyes returned to the waves. Kanda could make out the glimmering sea foam under the moonlight, with looked like broken pieces of silver and glass.

Lavi leaned onto the railing. He didn't ask any further questions, which Kanda was grateful for.

The two of them fell into silence. The only noise that could be heard was the gentle crashing of seawater, or the occasional voices of the ship's crew. There were other passengers on the ship; it was a slightly larger one meant to cross from the Netherlands to England, though most other travellers were either asleep, crammed together in the cabin or pressed against the pieces of cargo below deck.

"How's your leg?"

Lavi blinked, and looked at Kanda. His expression was a little surprised, likely because he hadn't expected _Kanda_ to break the silence of all people. Still, a small smile befell Lavi's lips. "Feeling pretty good actually," Lavi answered. He swung his right leg gently, as though to demonstrate it was functioning properly.

During their escape from the inn, Lavi had fallen and cut up his leg rather badly. It hadn't required stitches of any kind, but it had needed to be taken care of before an infection started. Kanda had thankfully known how to prevent such from happening. It had slowed them a bit on their journey, tacking on a few extra days, but it had been better to deal with the wound quickly than to let it fester.

"You make a good doctor, you know. Whatever you put on that bandage has really helped," Lavi spoke with a small grin.

Kanda shrugged, still looking at the water. "You'd have been pretty useless if you couldn't walk."

Lavi mock winced. "Ouch. And here I thought you were actually warming up to me a little."

"Hn," Kanda grunted softly. He didn't comment further on it; knowing Lavi, the eye-patched individual would have a quip ready to fire back if Kanda said anything, and Kanda was frankly too worn out to deal with it. Or maybe he _had_ warmed up to Lavi a little.

…No, most certainly not.

Lavi changed the subject. His voice was a little lower. "When we reach the docks, we're going to have to get on a second ship," Lavi explained. His attention was now facing forward toward the water as well. "It's be a smaller, coastal ship – but our destination isn't on the mainland. It'll be on a smaller island."

Kanda nodded. Lavi didn't have to verbalize what their destination was – he knew that Lavi was referring to the Order. "Sounds isolated."

A dry laugh escaped Lavi's lips. "Kind of. There's actually a small town on the island as well, but it's far on the opposite end."

Lavi turned, switching positions so that his back was now to the railing. He leaned his elbows against the rail, and looked at Kanda. "So," Lavi started, "Did you ever want to join the Order? When Bookman and I talked to that Tiedoll guy I was under the impression you would have been all for joining our cause."

Kanda kept his gaze away from Lavi, but he could feel Lavi's piercing stare nevertheless. "Yeah," Kanda admitted.

"But you changed your mind."

Kanda wanted to roll his eyes. "Something like that…" Kanda responded, though his tone was low and close to a grumble. Kanda spoke up again though, this time his words a little clearer. "I have other shit to take care of right now."

Lavi kept his focus on Kanda. His expression was neutral, and somewhat unreadable. Kanda glanced at him out of the corner of his eyes, but he truthfully had no idea what Lavi was thinking.

Lavi broke the silence. "Who's the person?" He asked. Upon seeing Kanda turn his head swiftly in confusion, Lavi added, "You know. The one who changed your mind."

Kanda frowned, and averted his gaze. " _No one_ changed my mind."

Lavi shrugged, "Whatever you say." He the stretched his arms, folding them behind his head. "In my experience, people are influenced by two things in decision making: objects, or people. I didn't take you for being an object kind of person."

Kanda said nothing. He wasn't sure how it was that Lavi seemed to perceive so much sometimes, but he was beginning to feel uncomfortable. Kanda didn't like it when people could read him so openly – it made him feel vulnerable.

Quickly, Kanda changed the subject. "Lavi," He started, tone serious. "As a bookman, you guys keep a record of history, right? That would include things regarding akuma."

Intrigue filled Lavi's expression, but he didn't say anything. He only nodded slowly.

"So," Kanda continued," What can you tell me about just who creates them?"

At first, Lavi didn't answer. Kanda immediately began to wonder if his question was something Lavi couldn't respond to for whatever reason, a felt a hint of frustration. "I just need to know. A few weeks ago I met a man. I thought he was an akuma, but…if he was he wasn't like any I'd ever seen."

This seemed to break Lavi's silence as he frowned slightly. "What do you mean?"

"I thought he was just some guy. Kind of weird – I'd seen him in my village earlier that day, but I figured he was just passing through," Kanda explained. His mouth had fallen into a hard line as he took a moment to remember that day. Cold, bitter – the day everything had completely gone to hell.

"He could change his appearance – like his skin color. He could even-" Kanda faltered a bit, his mind flashing back to the image of what that man had been doing to _Alma_ – "It's like…he could just phase through objects. I saw him stick his hand into a living person like it was nothing."

Lavi's expression was serious, and the playful air that normally surrounded him was absent. "Someone who can stick their _hand_ into a person?" Lavi repeated, words quiet. "That definitely doesn't sound like any akuma I've ever seen…"

"Unless he wasn't one."

Lavi looked at Kanda curiously. Kanda continued. "He talked about akuma being made, but he gave no indication of actually _being_ one," Kanda explained. He allowed his eyes to meet Lavi's. "Look, I know there are things you can't tell me, but do you know _anything_ about who this guy could be?"

Lavi didn't answer at first. He folded his arms, and held his chin. A pensive look appeared on his face. Lavi didn't say anything at first, but due to the thoughtfulness of his expression Kanda refrained from speaking again.

It paid off, because Lavi finally answered. "There is a clan of…people, if you can call them that. They're called the Noah," Lavi started. "Truthfully, I don't know much about them. Even the Bookman clan hardly knows anything about them. You can't even find record of them in any forms of literature anywhere in the world."

Lavi sighed, as his brightly colored bangs blew across his forehead in the breeze. "All we know right now is that they appear at the turning points of history. What their exact goal is, we don't know. What we _do_ know is that they have a leader who creates akuma."

Kanda's frown deepened as he heard this. "So you think it could have been a…Noah?"

Lavi shrugged. "Honestly, I'm not sure. But if you're going to tell the Order anything when we get there, definitely tell them that. Chief Komui is someone you'll definitely want to talk to," Lavi advised. "If it was a Noah you did see, then this whole situation with akuma could get uglier than we thought. More akuma have been appearing lately. And if the Noah are actually showing their faces…"

Shaking his head, Lavi exhaled. "I'm going to give you a head's up now. The Order is really pushing to recruit as many exorcists as possible given how high akuma activity has risen lately. And they'll obviously be pushing for you to work with them, especially with this whole possibility of you seeing a Noah. So just…be ready to deal with that when we get there."

Kanda took a small breath, and nodded. Lavi's words weren't comforting, but the warning was definitely welcome. He was actually surprised that Lavi had revealed so much to him – the young Bookman had been so wishy-washy with what he tended to reveal that Kanda had more or less expected to be given the run around again. However, that seemed to have changed. Kanda didn't know why, but…he was grateful.

A few crewmen not too far off suddenly called out to each other, breaking the quiet of the night. "Mainland ahead!"

Kanda glanced out toward the water again. It was hard to see in the darkness, but he could just faintly make out the sight of land.

Lavi turned around, and looked as well. "Guess we'll be hitting shore soon," He observed. He leaned forward on the railing, his scarf fluttering back slightly as a small gust of cool wind passed. "As soon as we get off here, we'll take that second ship. It won't be long," Lavi explained. "You'll probably start getting screened as soon as we get to the Order, so you can look forward to that."

"Ugh. Sounds great," Kanda muttered, with dull sarcasm. However, as he spoke these words he found that he could feel the anxiousness returning. Unpleasant butterflies seemed to flitter in his insides, and Kanda swore he felt the hair on the back of his neck rise. He tried to tell himself the latter sensation was just from the cold.

He tried to tell himself this, but he couldn't come to believe it. 

* * *

The second boat ride was short, especially when compared to the initial journey from the Netherlands. There were less people on the boat too – just a few extra passengers really. Lavi had pointed out that they were likely heading to the town on the northeast end of the island.

"Just stay on the boat when they get dropped off," Lavi told Kanda. "We'll be getting dropped off at a second stop on the southern end."

Kanda spent the rest of the ride in silence, as did Lavi. It was easy enough to do. Kanda was tired, and the only reason he was even capable of staying awake at this point was because he was silently swimming in his own nerves. Which was unlike Kanda – he just didn't get nervous. Not to this level, at least.

The first stop came, and every passenger departed with the exception of Kanda and Lavi. One of the crewmen looked as though he were about to say something when Lavi moved his scarf aside, showing the rose cross. The crew member nodded in understanding, before going back to the captain to inform him about setting sail to the southern end of the island.

Once they were one their way again, Lavi threw a glance in Kanda's direction. His lips quirked upward in amusement. "Nervous?"

Kanda scoffed. "No."

"That's okay. I'd be too."

"Lavi, I fucking _swear_ …"

"Okay, okay," Lavi soothed, waving a hand. "Take it easy. I'm just messing with you."

Kanda crossed his arms as he rolled his eyes. "Well, mess with someone else."

Lavi left Kanda alone after that, though his expression was still grazed with mild entertainment. Kanda tried not to focus on it too much; instead, he focused on the boat ride. Anything from the sound of the tides pushing back and forth or the crewmembers moving about – Kanda just wanted something to focus on so he wouldn't lose his mind worrying.

Ugh. He hated that Lavi was right.

Eventually, set of docks came into view. Just beyond them and on higher ground, a building structure was visible. It was large, and looked like some kind of gothic cathedral; where the nave would have been appeared far more elongated though, and it looked more like a connected building structure than anything else.

Even before Lavi said anything, Kanda knew what it was. _'So that's the Order…'_ He thought to himself. Kanda hadn't been sure what to expect upon finally arriving at the Order, but he couldn't deny that the atmosphere around the place was oddly…fitting.

"Home sweet home," Lavi mumbled.

Kanda found it difficult to tell whether Lavi was being sarcastic or not.

The boat pulled up to the docks, and Kanda and Lavi were able to board off of it. Once they were off, Kanda noticed that they weren't alone. Waiting at the end of the docks were two figures – both were cloaked in loose red robes, trimmed with green and ivory on the sleeves. Three strips of yellow formed a "v" at the neck, and the faces were covered with strange masks. Neither spoke or moved, and they almost appeared statue-like to Kanda.

Kanda fought the urge to shudder; the last time he had encountered anyone "statue-like", it had been in some freakish nightmare garden that he had almost died in.

Lavi approached the robed men. "It's just me," Lavi said, apparently knowing the robed people. Still, he showed his rose cross for precaution.

Allowing his scarf to fall back over the cross, Lavi nodded back to Kanda. "This one's a prospective new recruit. I've brought him and his innocence."

One of the robed individuals spoke – their voice was deep, and Kanda recognized it was a man. "Let us see the innocence first."

Kanda immediately tensed. He already was unhappy with the fact that Lavi had referred to him as a "new recruit" when Kanda had explicitly stated he was _not_ planning on joining the Order immediately. Now, these robed strangers were demanding to see his _innocence_. Kanda disliked this for many reasons – with one reason being that Mugen wasn't exactly stable with being handled right now.

"No," Kanda replied tersely. _'No way in hell. I don't care if you're with the Order – I'm not handing you Mugen.'_

Even with the masks covering their faces, the air around the robed strangers seemed to drop a few degrees. The one that had spoken reached into his sleeve, and looked as though he were about to pull something out. "I won't ask you again. Let us see your innocence first."

Kanda gritted his teeth. "I said _no-_ "

Lavi immediately stepped in-between Kanda and the robed people. "He can't use his innocence at the moment. The Chief will need to inspect it before anyone else," Lavi explained, as he eyed the strangers. He then gave an almost wry smile. "You guys know how innocence can be. It wouldn't be wise to mishandle it."

The robed stranger didn't speak, but Kanda had a feeling that they were displeased. The second stranger spoke up, speaking to the first robed stranger directly. "He's right," The second one spoke, their voice softer. ( _'A woman,'_ Kanda realized.)

The second stranger turned to Lavi and Kanda. "Follow us," She instructed, before she and the other robed stranger turned to start walking.

Lavi glanced at Kanda, then proceeded to walk after the robed people. Kanda followed.

As they walked, Lavi kept a few paces behind the robed people. After a few moments, he turned to Kanda, and whispered over. "Just try to go along with what I say, okay? No offense, but talking to people isn't your strong point."

Kanda tried not to be offended, but he scowled nevertheless. "Sorry. Guess I'm kind of pissed of that you're telling them I'm a _new recruit_ and all."

"I said _prospective_ new recruit – don't get your pants twisted in a knot."

Kanda said nothing the rest of the way to the building, nor did Lavi. The robed strangers were also silent, though Kanda hadn't expected anything less from them really. If anything, the silence gave him a chance to take in his surroundings.

After leaving the dock, the group had entered into a forested area – though, as far as Kanda could tell the forest seemed to cover most of the island. The majority of the branches were bare from winter's touch, and snow was still covering the ground. Moonlight reflected off of the ground, bouncing off the snow like a silvery light. Had the circumstances been different, Kanda might have even paused to think it beautiful.

His attention soon shifted forward. As they continued on, Kanda could see the Order's headquarters more clearly now. It definitely looked like a cathedral from the front - Kanda supposed this was a smart move, given that the façade of a religious structure would be rather inconspicuous to the nearby town.

Kanda at least assumed this was currently a goal of the Order – to remain inconspicuous for the time being. Given how much Lavi and Bookman already seemed to cap information on certain issues, and how tight the _security_ was…

The group finally reached the entrance of the building, of which Kanda immediately found himself staring at. The building was just so much more _imposing_ up close-

Kanda felt a poke on his shoulder, and saw Lavi peering at him. Once Lavi had Kanda's attention, he nudged his head toward the entrance for Kanda to follow.

Right. Staring at architecture could wait for another day.

Kanda walked inside the main entrance, just behind Lavi. They appeared to have come into some large hallway, with tiled floors and walls painted a deep, rich green. Kanda could see that the hall stretched into a series of corridors, though he couldn't begin to imagine where each hall led. Already he was beginning to feel a little turned around.

The two robed people stopped, and turned to face Kanda and Lavi. Before either of the strangers could speak, Lavi beat them to it. "So, I get it's late, but is there any chance Komui is awake?"

The robed stranger – the man – answered. "Chief Komui Lee likely won't be available to speak to anyone until tomorrow. For now, you'll have to stay under our supervision."

Lavi seemed a little surprised by this. "Oh come on – for real? You guys know I'm an exorcist here."

"You may be, but _he_ isn't," The robed man indicated, as he very pointedly nodded his head in Kanda's direction.

Kanda immediately clenched his fist. It was hard not to fire back some kind of comment, but he tried to remember Lavi's advice on not to speak too brashly. But, that still didn't stop Kanda from sending an icy glare in the robed man's direction.

"What's going on here?"

Kanda's eyes shifted, and his attention immediately landed on the voice of the speaker. To his surprise, it was a girl – probably a little younger than him, by the looks of it. She was certainly pretty, with large violet eyes and long dark hair. It was styled in two high pigtails that seemed to add to her youthful appearance. However, Kanda noticed that she was in some kind of uniform; she wore a form-fitting coat, with an oddly short skirt and thigh-high boots (which was a very _bizarre_ outfit that Kanda had never seen any woman wear before). On her uniform above her heart was also a rose cross.

Lavi immediately seemed to recognize her, and his expression brightened. "Hey, Lenalee."

Before the girl – Lenalee – could respond, the robed man stepped in. "This exorcist brought an outsider in – says he's a new recruit, but we haven't had a chance to inspect him or his innocence yet."

A hint of some kind of emotion flittered across Lenalee's face, but it passed quickly, and Kanda couldn't quite catch it. She had almost appeared put off by the way the robed stranger spoke, but her composure remained in tact so well that Kanda couldn't be certain if he had imagined the whole thing or not.

Lenalee looked between Lavi and Kanda, then turned back to the two robed individuals. "Chief Komui gave orders that no one was to give Lavi trouble upon returning – part of his mission was to bring any new recruits he could find."

"With all due respect, we CROWs have our orders to ensure no enemies infiltrate the space-"

Kanda looked as though he were about to comment. Lavi nudged him.

Lenalee didn't seem to notice the two of them – or if she did, she decided to ignore them.

"Lavi is one of our most trusted members, and he wouldn't risk bringing anyone who wasn't an ally," Lenalee pointed out firmly. "As far as I'm concerned, they're cleared to be here."

The robed strangers seemed to hesitate, but nodded. "Very well," They agreed, though before they departed Kanda was fairly sure that he could feel one of them glaring through their masks at him.

Once the robed strangers were gone, Lenalee spoke. "I'm sorry about that – I'm sure that was probably frustrating given how tired you two must be."

"Seesh, when did security get so tight?" Lavi asked. "Last I was here there weren't even that many CROWs around to begin with…"

 _'CROWs…'_ Kanda repeated silently, as his eyes flickered over to where the robed individuals had disappeared. Were they exorcists?

Lenalee frowned slightly. "Not long after you left, we found out that the branch the Order is trying to set up in Asia was recently attacked by a group of akuma. They somehow infiltrated security," Lenalee explained. "Central ended up sending out more CROWs as a precaution. "

Lenalee then paused, turning to Kanda. "Not that it excuses how they acted. I promise that not everyone here is that extreme," She reassured with a small smile. "I'm Lenalee Lee, the assistant branch chief here."

Kanda nodded. Well, the position explained how she was able to order those CROWs or whatever to back off.

"Lenalady here is the one who keeps everyone in line," Lavi chimed in, before he kept speaking. "Lenalee, this is Yuu. Kind of grouchy all the time, but not a bad guy."

Kanda swore he could feel his ears burns, and he quickly whipped around to face Lavi. "I told you it's _Kanda,_ " He hissed.

"Lavi, leave him alone," Lenalee chided, though her tone was light and not as severe as when she had addressed the CROWs. She turned back to Kanda. "So, you're an exorcist? Have you come to join the Order then?"

"No," Kanda responded somewhat quickly.

Lenalee appeared a little surprised by this answer, but Lavi stepped in yet again. "Kanda's got a slightly different situation," He explained. "It'd probably be best if he could speak with Komui about it."

Nodding, Lenalee's expression remained thoughtful. "I see. Well, it's pretty late and most people are asleep by now – if it's alright with you two, we should probably call it a night for now and figure this out in the morning."

Kanda didn't comment, but he wasn't against the idea – he was tired, and sleep sounded _really_ enticing. Even with finally reaching the Order, the anxiousness and stress of his journey so far had worn him to pieces. He couldn't even remember the last time he had slept properly.

Lavi was particularly enthusiastic. "I am _completely_ content with that arrangement," He conceded with a grin.

Lenalee smiled warmly at them. "Great! I'll walk to you guys to your rooms then."

As Lenalee began to take the two along, Kanda took the opportunity to actually look around where he was more. He didn't have the best means of doing so; the majority of the halls were dimly lit, likely due to how late it was and the corridors all looked identical to Kanda.

 _'Just how big is this place even?'_ Kanda thought, wondering how anyone could learn their way around this place.

A few feet ahead of him, Kanda could hear Lavi speaking to Lenalee.

"So," Lavi began, "Most people are asleep, aren't they? What're you doing up so late?"

"Oh, some of the science division was staying up late to get some work done. So I stayed up to make them coffee," Lenalee answered with a weak smile. "It was the least I could do since I know they were up because Komui was slacking. I know my brother means well, but his methods of 'working' aren't exactly the most effective."

Kanda's attention returned to the two in front of him. "Your brother?"

Lenalee turned back to Kanda. "Ah, Komui's my older brother. He's honestly really nice, though he _is_ a little eccentric."

Lavi laughed. "Yeah, more like _a lot_ of eccentric-hey!"

Lavi staggered sideways a bit, just barely catching his footing from the polite _shove_ that Lenalee had given him.

The trio walked only for a few more minutes, before Lenalee turned back to Kanda. "This is where most of the exorcists stay. There's a vacant room just a few doors away from Lavi's room, so if you need anything you can just get him."

Kanda nodded, though he silently groaned. Hopefully Lavi wouldn't drive him too crazy, and at least it wasn't like they had to _share_ a room or anything. _'I guess this way I can at least get a break from people, even if for a few hours…'_

Lenalee stopped in front of a door. "This will be your room while you stay here, Kanda. Lavi is just three doors down. I'm also in this hall, but I'm at the very end, so a bit farther away," She spoke, before smiling gently. "I'll let Komui know you're here first thing in the morning. Hopefully you can get some rest until then."

Kanda nodded, not sure what else to say. "Um, yeah. Thanks," He managed, feeling like it was something of a lame response. Lenalee seemed like a genuinely nice person, but Kanda couldn't help but feel weird about the whole situation. Perhaps he really was more anxious than he realized about this whole situation and finally getting to the Order.

"Alright, well I'll see ya in the morning," Lavi spoke, apparently eager to get to his own bed.

Lenalee looked as though she were about to follow, but paused briefly. "Night Kanda," She bid politely, before heading off.

Kanda didn't respond back. He didn't see a need to given that Lenalee and Lavi had already started off, so instead he went into his room for the night (because it was temporary – Kanda was not staying at the Order _permanently_ ). Inside, he saw it was pretty standard and plain. There was a bed and some basic furniture; the rest of the room was dark, and only lit by the moonlight pouring in through the window, so Kanda couldn't make out too many details.

Not that he really cared – as soon as Kanda removed his coat and set aside his belongings, he all wanted to do was go to sleep. He practically collapsed onto the bed, which was a bit stiff, but not uncomfortable. His aching body welcomed any opportunity to relax at this point.

Lying on his side, Kanda faced the window. He could see the moon from where he was – a gibbous. Not quite full yet, but getting close.

A thought passed through Kanda's mind – something quiet and gentle, like a whisper in the night. It was about Alma.

Within seconds, Kanda had forgotten the thought and fallen asleep. 

* * *

"Is Bookman okay?"

Lavi looked up curiously. Lenalee was leaning back against the doorframe, with her hands tucked behind her.

Noticing Lavi's peculiar stare, Lenalee clarified. "I noticed he didn't come back with you. Nothing…happened, did it?"

Lavi smiled. He was sitting on the edge of his bed, arms slung across his legs as he sat slightly hunched over. "Nah. You know how the old panda is," Lavi reassured her. "He can kick some serious ass. He just hung back to take care of some things so…Kanda and I could get here."

Lenalee glanced down the hall to where Kanda's room was. "You said his situation was different," Lenalee commented, before looking back at Lavi. "What did you mean by that?"

Smile faltering, Lavi's expression became contemplative. His one visible eye, bright green in the darkness, seemed to stand out in an uncanny way. "Honestly, I don't know everything going on with that guy. But his innocence isn't stable."

Lenalee's eyes seemed to widen slightly. "What? How?" She asked, somewhat confused. "He synchronized at some point, didn't he?"

"Yeah, but there's more to it than that," Lavi said. He stopped when he saw how concerned Lenalee looked, and stood, walking over to where she was. "Hey. Don't get yourself too worked up right now. We'll figure things out soon enough."

Lenalee looked at Lavi, but only for a second when she looked away. Lavi sighed, and spoke again, gently. "You should get some rest too, Lenalee. Worrying about every single person won't fix things. Resting and making sure you're at your best will."

Taking a small breath, Lenalee nodded. "Yeah, you're right," She agreed, before giving Lavi a small smile. "Thanks."

Lavi grinned. "Anytime, Lenalady. Anytime." 

* * *

**A/N:** So, if people have read the Snow Queen fairy tales, you know Gerda (in this case Kanda) gets led to the caste (in this case the Order) by crows, and there are actual CROWs in here, ehh? EHHH? HAHA LOOK AT HOW CLEVER I AM. (Not really. Excuse me while I'm lame and laugh at my own bad fairy tale joke)

More happens in this chapter though - finally our boys are at the Order. The CROWs I'd actually be on the fence about how I was going to incorporate into this story, but I think with how it turned out it made sense. And we also have Lenalee in finally - I can't even begin to express how happy I am to finally have her enter the story. I've honestly been dying to introduce her for a while, and Komui will be making an appearance pretty soon as you can already tell

One note I wanted to touch on though was the Order itself. In case you couldn't tell, I didn't use the original European Headquarters location on the plateau - primarily because that location is supposedly in Scandinavia, and I wanted the location to be closer to England (more to give Kanda a reason to travel and for plot purposes really). So, I based the Order around the new European Headquarters which is in England. I feel like architecturally, it makes more sense to since in this AU the Order is a little more inconspicuous, and really...the old European Headquarters is pretty damn obvious. XD

So, those are really most of my notes for now. I could go on, but it's getting late, and I don't think you guys want to keep reading my rambles. If you do, by all means feel free to review or message me! XD

Hope you enjoyed the chapter, and happy reading!


	19. Chaotic Intervention

**Lotus in the Snow (Snow Queen AU)**

 **Chapter Eighteen**  
 _Chaotic Intervention_

 _Bang._

Kanda awoke with a jolt. The explosive noise had been loud enough that Kanda had felt his room shake. Kanda could feel his adrenaline pumping already – was the Order being attacked?

Another loud noise, and this time, he realized it was coming from somewhere inside the building. Kanda jumped out of the bed, completely awake and alert. He then grabbed Mugen before scrambling to the door where he ran out into the hallway, immediately trying to pinpoint just where the explosion had come from.

Just a few doors down, Kanda spotted a familiar head of red hair, tousled and in a complete mess. Lavi had walked out of his room as well, though he still appeared to be waking up as a yawn escaped him.

Lavi sighed. "Ugh. Sure as hell didn't miss this first thing in the morning…"

Kanda frowned in confusion when he saw how oddly mellow Lavi appeared, and called down the hall to him. "Hey! What was that?"

Lavi turned toward Kanda, looking a little more awake than he had a few seconds ago. "That, my friend, is the science division," Lavi answered. "Usually pretty useful, but also pretty loud. I have no idea what they're working on now."

Another sound shook the hall, though this time it sounded like something crashed. Both Kanda and Lavi flinched, while Lavi growled in irritation. "Argh, come on! Some people are trying to sleep in a little!" He shouted in what Kanda presumed was the direction of the science division.

A somewhat inquisitive look flickered across Kanda's face. Thinking back, he recalled that Lenalee had mentioned a science division the previous night, but Kanda had been far too tired to think much of it. Now that he was more awake, he found that he was confused. The sciences dealt with things like math and astronomy, didn't they? Sometimes medicine, probably. Kanda didn't really know. It wasn't a subject widely practiced unless you were located in a larger city, and Kanda had never paid much attention to it. The closest he'd ever gotten to anything "science-like" was working with plants and herbs, but to Kanda, that didn't register as the same thing.

Since apparently the Order was _not_ being attacked, Kanda sighed in aggravation. He was wide-awake now though, so that was probably for the best – and if people were awake, Kanda wondered if Lenalee would be awake too. Would she have already spoken to this Komui guy?

Without saying anything, Kanda started down the hall. He doubted Lenalee would be in her room; since she were the assistant branch chief, she was probably up and already doing things. But the previous night she had indicated she was with the science division, hadn't she? Kanda figured he could start looking for her there – the science division was definitely loud enough that he'd have no problem finding them.

As Kanda passed Lavi, Lavi tried to speak to him. "Hey! Where are you going?"

Kanda didn't bother to spare Lavi a glance. "To look for Lenalee."

"Didn't you just wake up though?" Lavi asked, despite the fact that Kanda was clearly trying to ignore him. "It wouldn't kill you to take it easy, you know."

Kanda felt his nerves twitch, but still refrained from turning. He was always more easily agitated after just waking up, and still felt on edge after waking up from the explosive noises. "If you're tired, then you can go back to sleep. It's not like I want you to come with me."

Much to Kanda's annoyance, Lavi merely exhaled before quickly catching up with Kanda. Kanda threw a small glare in Lavi's direction. "Did you not hear what I just said, or are you just trying to piss me off?"

"Seesh. Someone's not a morning person," Lavi commented. "But I'm pretty sure you shouldn't be wandering around by yourself. I mean with how you almost pissed off those CROWs last night-"

"I didn't piss them off. They pissed _me_ off."

Lavi shrugged. "Whatever. Either way, it's probably better if I come with you. You don't even know how to get around here."

Kanda huffed quietly. "Whatever," He grumbled, knowing that Lavi probably _wouldn't_ be leaving him anytime soon. Even if Lavi _had_ been a little helpful….it wasn't like Kanda actually needed him around or anything. Kanda was at the Order, and he just needed to talk to this Komui guy, see if he could find out what was wrong with Mugen and if anyone knew anything about that strange akuma woman, then hopefully get a move on as quickly as possible.

It sounded easy enough. 

* * *

Reever tried to tune out the raucous noise. He realized he should have been used to it by now – working in the science division never really equated to "quiet" by any means. However, today it was especially difficult to focus; he had been up all night (no thanks to Komui, who had somehow managed to skip out on doing his work _again_ ), and then had needed to get up _early_ to ensure that the members of the science division were doing what work they needed to. Reever already had a headache from dealing with that alone.

There was another bang – something that sounded like several pieces of metal loudly hitting against one another. Reever closed his eyes as he pressed his fingers to his forehead, silently wishing he could be back in bed with the day off.

One of the scientists – a young man with mousy-colored curls that were pulled back and large, opaque glasses – looked up from his paperwork to the closed door from which the noise was coming from. He then turned to Reever. "What do you think the chief is even working on?"

Reever sighed, as though he were attempting to exhale some of his stress away. "I don't know, Johnny. Just…try to focus on your paperwork. We need to get these updates finished for Central by tomorrow."

Johnny nodded, returning to his paperwork. Reever was about to do the same when he saw someone walk into the room.

Looking up, Reever greeted the individual. "Hey, Lenalee."

Lenalee greeted Reever with a small nod and a smile, before glancing around. She then looked back at Reever. "Um, do you know where Komui is? I need to talk to him about something."

Reever pointed back to the door in the back that was closed. "He's in there. Working on whatever it is he was messing with yesterday…"

A perplexed look appeared on Lenalee's face. "He's still working on that?" She asked, though she knew perfectly well that she probably should haven't been surprised. Komui had a tendency to work on rather…peculiar projects. It wasn't necessarily a bad thing, but Lenalee knew that there were times when Komui could be off with his priorities.

There was a high-pitched whistling sound coming from the room, which made both Lenalee and Reever wince. Lenalee grimaced a little at the high-pitched frequency, but spoke once it died down. "I'm going to go see what he's doing in there."

Reever looked at the door warily. "Just be careful, Lenalee. The last time I went into a room where Komui was working on something I nearly got killed by that damn spinning frame."

Johnny looked back up from his paperwork, and chimed in. "The spinning frame works now though! It's helped a lot with creating better exorcist uniforms."

Reever looked at Johnny flatly. "Yeah, but that came at nearly the expense of my life – I nearly got skewered with _needles_."

Reever and Johhny's conversation faded out to Lenalee as she approached the door, knocking a few times. She politely waited for a minute, before trying to knock one last time. When there was still no answer, Lenalee took it upon herself to open the door where she poked her head inside.

She was immediately greeted with smoke.

Lenalee coughed. "Komui, what are you doing in here?" She asked, having to call over what sounded like metal grinding and pressure air whizzing.

In the room, which was illuminated by a series of kerosene-fueled light fixtures, there was a large contraption that appeared to be made of metal. It was composed of what looked to be a large valve and cylinder, with a piston rod that led up to some kind of beam. The beam then had another part that connected it to what looked like a crankshaft, while being connected to a large flywheel. The other parts Lenalee wasn't certain of – though she noticed that beneath the contraption it was on a series of additional wheels, while the machine was being supported on a platform to elevate it.

Lenalee looked at the machine warily, not sure how she felt about this particular invention just yet. "Brother, what is _that_?"

Komui was a man who was tall and looking to be in his mid to late twenties; he was currently working on the contraption. He had dark hair that curled upward slightly at the ends, and wore a long, white lab coat as well as a white hat. His hands were gloved, and a pair of goggles covered his eyes as he worked.

Komui continued to work, but responded to Lenalee. "Lenalee, this-" He paused to tighten one of the valves, which was just a _little_ too shaky, "-is the future of transportation!"

 _'Okay…'_ Lenalee thought, hoping her skepticism was showing too prominently in her expression. Collecting herself, Lenalee remembered why she was there to begin with. "Komui, I really need to talk to you-"

"Now, Lenalee, you know being a genius can take quite a bit of concentration!" Komui interrupted, as he continued to focus on working. "And this steam engine is not going to perfect itself!"

Lenalee sighed. _'Oh, great. He's in one of those modes again…'_ She thought, debating on what the best way to get his attention would be. Whenever Komui was focused on one of his inventions, it was always brutally difficult to break his concentration – he sometimes had a one track mind like that. But Lenalee knew she needed to talk to Komui, and sooner would definitely be preferable to later.

There was another whizzing sound, and some smoke was still coming out of the cylinder connected to the valve. Lenalee noticed that the back wheels on the bottom of the steam engine were spinning. "Are the back wheels supposed to be spinning like that?"

"Did you say the flywheel?" Komui asked, not hearing Lenalee properly. "No, not at all! That's just for reference since this is based off the steamboat model-"

There was a loud _crack_ , and back wheels increased their speed. The whole machine shifted forward abruptly, and the platform gave away from the pressure and weight of the machine. Komui instinctively jumped back, and Lenalee tensed as the steam engine pushed forward. She just barely dodged the machine, eyes wide as it pushed passed her and out of Komui's workroom and into the main science division lab.

"Gah! My steam engine!" Komui cried out in dismay. "I worked too hard on that to have it run off now!"

Outside, the crashing had distracted Reever and the other science division members once again. Looking up from his paperwork, Reever irritably sighed again. "God, now what-" He started, stopping immediately when he saw the steam engine crashing though the door, damaging it and moving on its own at a _dangerously_ fast pace.

Eyes wide, Reever cursed. "EVERYONE MOVE!"

The other scientists immediately scrambled out of the way, shouting in a panic. Lenalee had just run out of the workroom, and spotted where the steam engine was barreling out into the hallway.

Well, _that_ certainly wasn't good.

"Innocence, activate!" Lenalee spoke. As she did this, the thigh-high boots she wore began to unravel in a ribbon-like fashion. A blue green light lit up just below the ankles of her boots, as the light then stretched upward in a single line. The light faded, but an aura of the same-colored light seemed to emit from Lenalee's boots – her boots that were also her innocence.

Kicking off the ground, Lenalee propelled herself forward and into the air. With her innocence, the force of her boots could help her move much more quickly – and hopefully, she would be able to catch her brother's runaway invention before it happened to cross paths with anyone else. 

* * *

Kanda ceased walking, causing Lavi to stop and turn to him. "What is it?" Lavi asked, not sure why Kanda stopped walking.

Kanda was frowning. "What's that noise? It sounds like something's coming this way-"

Kanda's words were immediately cut off when some strange, mechanical _thing_ rounded the corner. It was moving quickly, producing an obnoxious whistling noise as steam poured from the back cylinder.

"Shit!" Lavi shouted, as he saw the machine was heading straight for where he and Kanda were standing.

Tailing the machine, Lenalee rounded the corner. "Watch out for that steam engine!" She shouted, trying to catch up to it as she literally _flew_ after the invention.

Kanda and Lavi both dived out of the way, as the machine uncontrollably sped passed them. Lenalee flew after the machine, passing the two stunned exorcists as she finally caught up with the steam engine, flipping her body so she was able to get in front of it. She gave the front of the machine a solid _kick_ , which was so forceful that it actually caused the steam engine to skid backwards.

Lenalee looked back to where Lavi was. "Lavi, get it from behind!"

Snapping out of his stunned daze from nearly being ran over, Lavi pulled out his hammer – which he had been keeping as a tiny little thing that had been rather unnoticeable. "Big hammer little hammer, grow, grow, grow!" He shouted, causing the hammer to increase in size. Lavi then managed to swing his hammer, hitting the back wheels of the steam engine and breaking open the valve and cylinder. The machine smoked, and sputtered as it finally stopped moving.

Lavi retracted his hammer, shrinking it as he put it away. Kanda himself had to try to shake himself from his daze, as he attempted to wrap his mind around what had just _happened._ He had never seen such a contraption before, even when traveling through some of the larger cities. Just what had that thing _been_?

"What the hell was that?" Kanda asked, as his looked at the machine with distrust. Shit, would it start moving again? _How_ had it even been moving?

Lenalee landed gracefully on the ground, and looked at the now damaged mass of metal and gears. There was an apologetic look in her eyes as she turned to Kanda. "It was a steam engine my brother's been working on," She explained. "I'm sorry it nearly ran you over – that's definitely not what it's supposed to do…"

Kanda's expression was disbelieving. Yeah, that machine was more like a _murder weapon_. Had Kanda been able to use Mugen, he happily would have sliced the damn thing to pieces.

Changing the subject, Lenalee glanced between Lavi and Kanda. "Where were you two heading?"

Lavi smiled. "Actually, we were looking for you," He answered, before pointing over to Kanda. "I think Yuu here is pretty eager to meet Komui."

 _'That's it,'_ Kanda thought, before pulling out Mugen and pointing it at Lavi. He glowered at him. "Call me that name one more time," Kanda threatened lowly, "And I'll _happily_ risk using this thing to shut you up."

"Man, you really hate your first name, don't you?"

"Well," Lenalee cut in, stepping in-between Lavi and Kanda just to make certain that no one would be getting sliced up, "Komui should be free now, since he won't be distracted anymore with the... steam engine." She then smiled charmingly at Kanda. "I can take you to meet him."

Kanda's eyes flickered to Lavi one last time threateningly, before moving to Lenalee. Since he _obviously_ wasn't going to risk hurting a girl (exorcist or not), Kanda lowered his sword, re-sheathing it before nodding stiffly. He could deal with Lavi another day – hopefully when Mugen was being more cooperative.

Lenalee's smile brightened. "Great! Just follow me, and I'll show you where his office is."

Kanda did so, and tried to ignore the fact that Lavi was soon tailing right behind them. Turning back to face him, Kanda gave Lavi a disapproving look. "Is it necessary for you to come?"

Lavi shrugged with a slightly lopsided smile. "I do have to report to the chief at some point. And you know, I _was_ technically the one that brought you here."

Silently huffing, Kanda turned around as he continued to follow Lenalee.

Fucking Lavi and his logic. 

* * *

"Chief Komui, you _cannot_ keep putting off this paperwork!" Reever scolded, looking as though he were ready to rip his own sandy-colored hair out. He was currently in Komui's office, _desperately_ attempting to convince his boss to be responsible.

Komui was sitting at his desk, hardly motivated by Reever''s words. He instead was resting with his elbows on his desk, which was _littered_ with disorganized papers and reports that seemed to be strewn all about the surface. A few had even found their way to the floor (though it wasn't _too_ terrible given how messy Komui had allowed his office to get in the past).

Komui let a breath escape dramatically. "Reever, can't you see I'm in mourning? It took me _weeks_ to persuade that Scotsman to share his designs with me, and now that poor steam engine has run off and is probably damaged."

"It's a _machine_. You can make another one after you finish this paperwork!"

There was a knock at the door before it opened, interrupting Reever and Komui. Lenalee just barely crossed the threshold of the doorway before speaking. "Hey, Komui, do you have a minute?" She asked.

Komui all but jumped at the chance to get rid of Reever. "Of course!" He agreed enthusiastically, before turning to Reever. "Now, Reever, run along and let me speak with my darling little sister. I promise I'll get to that paperwork later, alright?"

Reever rolled his eyes. "You know I'll be back to make sure you do," He conceded, before exiting the room.

As soon as Reever was gone, Komui turned to Lenalee. "So…how badly was that steam engine damanged?"

Lenalee's expression became flat. "Before or after it nearly ran over people?" She asked, before sighing. "Lavi and I had to take it out. You seriously should be more careful next time."

"Rest in pieces," Komui murmured before sobering up a little. He looked back at Lenalee from behind his pentagonal-shaped glasses. "Now, what is it you need to speak with me about?"

"Lavi got back late last night," Lenalee answered. "He brought someone with him. Another exorcist. They're both outside in the hallway right now."

A look of intrigue flickered across Komui's expression. "Oh, did Lavi bring this exorcist as a new recruit?"

Lenalee hesitated, then shook her head. "No. Not exactly."

Komui raised an eyebrow. "Lenalee, you know we don't really work with outsiders…it's not how the Order functions."

"I know that," Lenalee expressed, as a small frown remained on her face. "But Lavi thought it was important enough to bring him here. There…might be an issue with the innocence this exorcist has. I don't know the details though."

Hearing this, Komui's expression became serious. "I see," He said, before nodding. "Well, better bring them in. It'll be good for me to speak with Lavi too – I can make sure to put he returned back from his assignment in that report Reever is hounding me about."

Lenalee nodded. "Okay, I'll go get them."

Briskly, Lenalee walked back out of the office, and poked her head into the hallway. As she did so she caught sight of Kanda and Lavi – with Kanda looking like he was _dangerously_ close to killing Lavi right there.

"Seriously, if you try to touch my hair again and I'll cut your damn hand off," Kanda growled lowly.

Lavi held up his hands innocently. "Look, I was just really curious! I mean, how do you even keep your hair that _soft_? It's really an accomplishment given how much you're on the move-"

"Christ, it's fucking _hair-_ "

Lenalee cleared her throat. "Um, _guys,_ " She spoke. Her interruption seemed to work as it got both Kanda and Lavi's attention, and Lenalee motioned for them to come inside.

Kanda paused only to give Lavi one last warning glare before he followed Lenalee. He didn't need the rabbit trying to mess with his hair again – who the hell even did that sort of thing?

 _'Whatever,'_ Kanda thought, as he focused on composing himself. He had no idea what to expect with this Komui character, and after dealing with that insane _thing_ Kanda couldn't say he was looking forward to meeting this guy. Even if he was Lenalee's brother. Although, Lenalee wasn't bad – so maybe this Komui guy wouldn't be too terrible either?

Shit, Kanda sort of hoped so. He'd dealt with enough crap to last a lifetime.

Walking inside, Kanda spotted Komui right away. It was easy enough to do since he was the only person in there sitting at the desk, though Kanda couldn't say he saw too much of a resemblance between Komui and Lenalee. There was a small bit when he looked closely enough, but Kanda didn't care much to waste his time on that.

Komui didn't speak right away. He instead remained sitting with his elbows on the desk as he held his fingers up to his chin. Kanda could feel Komui observing him already, and the feeling was yet again one he failed to enjoy.

Komui's eyes soon flickered away from Kanda, and to Lavi. "Lavi. Nice to see you made it back alright," Komui commented rather amiably before he looked back to Kanda. "And I see you brought a friend."

Kanda inwardly cringed at the word _friend_.

"This is Kanda," Lenalee introduced. "He's the exorcist who returned with Lavi here."

Komui nodded. "Lenalee, Lavi – would you mind giving me a moment alone with Kanda here?"

Lenalee looked a little caught off guard by the request, but nodded. "Um, yeah. I'll be outside."

"Don't worry, Lenalady, I'll keep you company," Lavi whispered to Lenalee when she started to walk toward the door.

Komui didn't completely miss the whisper, and a sharp glint flashed in his eyes. "What was that, Lavi?" He questioned with a rather protective edge in his voice.

Lavi laughed nervously. "Ahaha, just saying that I have that report I have to get on!"

"That's what I thought," Komui said, before Lenalee and Lavi exited the room.

Once they were gone, Kanda was left in the office with Komui. He wasn't sure what to say or even do really – now that he was faced with this person who apparently held some level of power in the Order, Kanda's mind was just…going blank. Or perhaps it was so filled with things that Kanda couldn't even think of where to start. Alma. The akuma woman. The strange man and the strange girl. The Noah. Mugen. Kanda's inability to use his innocence.

There were just so many things, and Kanda had no idea where to start.

Thankfully, Komui spoke first. "So, as you've already guessed I'm Komui Lee. I'm the Chief Officer here as well as the head of the European Branch."

 _'European Branch,'_ Kanda thought, before he recalled that Lenalee mentioned something about an Asian Branch that was being established. How many branches were there even? "What, so does the Order have multiple branches? I was under the impression the Order hadn't been around that long," Kanda pointed out. He thought back to when Tiedoll had first told him about the Bookmen coming to the village, and how they had spoken of the Order. From how it had sounded then, the formulation had been incredibly recent.

Komui nodded and leaned back in his chair. "Right now, there are only two additional branches. The European Branch, which was only established twenty years ago, and the Middle Eastern Branch which was established shortly after. We do have a Central headquarters though, and that's located in the Vatican," Komui explained. "Central has actually been around a bit longer, as it's a part of the Catholic Church. However, it didn't actually begin to expand as an organization until a few decades ago when enough exorcists had been recruited through the church."

Kanda nodded. That explained a bit at least.

"Enough about this boring old place though," Komui expressed. "Please, have a seat. I'm certainly interested in hearing about why you're here."

Kanda hesitated. Being put on the spot was more than a little unnerving, and being told to "have a seat" made Kanda feel like he was some little boy who was about to get in trouble or something. Kanda did his best to keep a straight face as he did as Komui said, although Kanda made sure to keep his guard up to be safe.

Once Kanda was seated, Komui spoke again, "I hope you don't mind, but Lenalee did brief me a bit on you prior to you coming in here. And I hear you're not exactly here to join the Order." He then paused before adding, "I also hear your innocence isn't particularly stable now. Is that correct?"

Kanda tensed a little. Lenalee had told Komui this? The first part Kanda had expressed to her, so that wasn't surprising – but Kanda hadn't actually told Lenalee about his innocence. Unless…

 _'Ugh. That damn rabbit probably told her,'_ Kanda thought.

Kanda's displeasure must have shown on his face, because Komui commented on it. "Please, don't be too aggravated with Lenalee or Lavi. They're only doing their job as members of the Order," He explained. "As I'm sure you've noticed, we don't typically interact with people who are not of the Order or who do not plan to be. It's how we ensure no enemies infiltrate us. However, it seems your case is a little different, and Lavi thought it was worth the effort to bring you here."

Kanda was quiet as he took this in. So…Lavi apparently was pretty helpful after all. It didn't erase how obnoxious he was, but Kanda couldn't ignore the fact that he actually felt a little _grateful_ of all things. Not that his ego would necessarily allow him to tell that to Lavi.

"So," Komui spoke again, "Your innocence. Tell me about it and why you're here."

There it was – being put on the spot again. Kanda inhaled quietly, trying to think of where to begin. Well…talking about Mugen first would be easiest. Arms crossed, Kanda's gaze flickered to Komui. "I have an equipment type – it's called Mugen," Kanda started. He paused for a few seconds though, as he tried to ignore how uneasy it felt to be discussing this with a stranger. "It was my father's before it was mine."

A genuinely surprised look flashed in Komui's eyes. "And you were able to synchronize with it after he…?"

"Died?" Kanda asked, rather coldly. He then scoffed. "I didn't even know anything about it until a few years later. And even then it still took me two years to synchronize with it."

Komui frowned slightly. "So you were actively trying to synchronize with it…and you succeeded," He confirmed. Komui then eyed Kanda. "This was recently?"

"No. That was five years ago."

"Mm. I see. Can you use it at all?"

Kanda didn't answer immediately. The question made him feel vulnerable, but he felt like any lying would be futile. Kanda thus shook his head. "I can activate it, but…it's like Mugen has a mind of its own," Kanda responded. He casted his gaze sideways, finding it easier to speak when he wasn't looking Komui directly in the eye. "Before, I just would occasionally get worn out or tired. Sometimes there would be pain that followed, but never anything I couldn't deal with."

That actually was somewhat false. Sometimes the pain had been bad – but Kanda had never liked to admit that. He continued speaking. "It was after this incident happened back in December. There was a man with these weird golden eyes, and he could just do these _things_ ," Kanda explained, as the memory of that man flashed through his mind. "I thought maybe he was an akuma, but he said he wasn't. Not that he was trustworthy or anything."

Kanda then shifted his gaze so that he was looking directly at Komui. "Lavi mentioned something about some people called the Noah. You know about them?"

Komui visibly tensed at these words, and his expression grew in severity. "Yes, I'm aware of them – although no one has seen any of the Noah for quite a while now."

"Hn. Yeah, well maybe he was one, maybe he wasn't. But after meeting him I had a run in with some freaky girl who looked like they could have been from the same family tree or something," Kanda went on. "She _could_ control lower-level akuma though, and after that whole shit my damn innocence really started becoming more troublesome…"

Komui's mouth remained in a thin line, his expression pensive. "Well, this does sound rather serious," Komui said as he leaned forward again with his elbows on the desk. He looked at Kanda. "Yet you're currently holding back on committing to the Order. I'm curious as to why that is – unless you solely came here to get assistance for dealing with your innocence?"

Kanda took a breath. "No. That's not why," He answered quietly. "I came to ask about that strange man, and a specific akuma. One that looks like a woman and can manipulate ice and snow."

"A specific akuma," Komui repeated thoughtfully. "Interesting. Though unfortunately I have no information on such an akuma – the Order doesn't know everything, unfortunately."

Hearing this, Kanda averted his gaze. It was more to hide the abrupt pinch of bitter disappointment than anything. "Is there anyone who would know anything I can go to?"

Komui looked at Kanda curiously. "Why so intent on finding this one akuma? If you're an exorcist, then you know that it's not the only one out there. And I can't help but feel a bit confused as to why you'd go through so much trouble just to hunt a single akuma down."

Kanda felt his muscles tense. Although Komui's words were logical, they made Kanda angry – fuck moving on. Fuck letting go. Kanda couldn't do that – he couldn't just move on from this akuma when it was the one that took…that took…

"It abducted someone I knew," Kanda finally answered. His words were soft in tone, and distant. "Before that happened that man was doing something to him though, and right after the akuma took him. But she didn't kill him."

Komui didn't say anything at first, but merely looked at Kanda silently. His expression was somewhat neutral, but a glimpse of something almost sympathetic could be seen. "And you're trying to find out what happened to this person."

 _'Trying, and fucking failing,'_ Kanda thought bitterly.

Alma. Where was Alma now? Could he even still be _alive_?

A sharp pain clenched at Kanda's heart. No, Alma had to have been. As irrational as it may have seemed, Alma _had_ to be alive. And even if he wasn't…Kanda needed to know. He needed to know what had happened. He needed to know why it had been _Alma_ of all people to get taken. Alma who frankly hadn't deserved to get involved in any of this.

 _'None of it was his fault. He never even did anything wrong,'_ Kanda thought. Hell, even when Alma had started to act all weird right before he was taken Kanda couldn't help but think that there had been something off with that – something that linked this all to the abduction in the first place. And the thought made Kanda feel terrible, as though he had played a part by trying so hard to leave town and just…neglecting Alma.

As Kanda lost himself to his own thoughts, silence had filled the office. Komui exhaled. "Kanda, if it's alright with you then I'd like to take a look at your anti-akuma weapon - this innocence of yours."

Kanda's eyes flashed to meet Komui's, his posture tense.

"Don't worry. You don't even have to let go of it – I only want to take a look."

Kanda was wary. He was already uncomfortable with how much he had told this guy, and his instincts were loathe to just pull out Mugen. However, Kanda wasn't so sure that withholding information from Komui was necessarily the best move either.

Wordlessly, Kanda unsheathed Mugen. He was careful not to actually set it down anywhere, but held it slightly over the desk so that Komui could take a look at it without having to touch it.

Komui's eyes scanned the sword, his brow creasing as he noticed the cracks on the blade. He nodded for Kanda to put it away after a moment, and stood. "If you'll follow me, there's somewhere I'd like to take you."

Kanda frowned. "That doesn't exactly sound inviting."

A small smile appeared on Komui's face, though the expression did not quite reach his eyes. "Quite a skeptic I see. But rest assured I'm not going to take you anywhere that'll cause you harm – even if you're not a part of the Order, you're still an accommodator."

 _'Still doesn't sound inviting,'_ Kanda silently repeated, somewhat stuck on just what to do. Unless Komui was taking him somewhere for answers? Kanda was uncertain of how likely that scenario was, but it was a possibility.

Standing, Kanda spoke. "Fine," He finally agreed, though he had to force himself into compliance.

Exiting the office, Kanda saw Lenalee and Lavi were both still in the hallway. Lenalee was the first to say anything upon seeing Komui and Kanda. "Where are you two heading now?"

"Oh, downstairs," Komui responded with a lightness that immediately made Kanda suspicious. "If Reever comes looking for me again just tell him I'm busy right now."

As Kanda started to follow Komui, he paused when he noticed Lavi being unusually quiet. Kanda turned back to him. "You're not going to try to tag along?"

Lavi grinned. "Aw, why, would you miss me?" He jested before shrugging. "I'm passing on this round though. Have fun."

 _'What the hell is that supposed to mean?'_ Kanda wanted to question, but Komui was already walking and Kanda needed to know where he was going. Briskly, he followed behind Komui, trying to ignore the trepidation in his chest.

Not that Kanda had a reason to be nervous. He was only following a stranger to some unknown location in some place he wasn't comfortable. No reason to be nervous at all.

Fuck. This was potentially a _really_ stupid thing for Kanda to do.

Komui spoke as they walked down the hall. "Well, I can say that with the use of any type of innocence physical symptoms aren't unheard of. In time the energy used to wield any form of it can take a toll on the body – particularly if your synchronization rate is on the lower end."

Stopping in front of a doorway, Komui slid it open to reveal what looked like small room. He stepped inside, waiting for Kanda to follow. However, Kanda did not follow and merely stared into the small room. It was boxed in, and entering would mean that Kanda would have to give up a fair amount of person space – and anyways, didn't Komui say they were going downstairs? Why were they going into such a small room?

Spying Kanda's perplexed expression, Komui registered the confusion. "Oh, you've never been in an elevator have you?"

"A what?"

"An elevator," Komui repeated. "Just an enclosed platform that'll take us downstairs. Or upstairs if we wanted."

Kanda looked inside the compartment suspiciously. "There are no stairs," He bluntly pointed out.

"Precisely! It can lower us down without them."

"….You're not serious."

"No, I'm perfectly serious," Komui said with a rather prideful smile. He then skimmed over Kanda with something akin to a smirk on his lips. "You're not afraid to get in, are you? I give you my word it's perfectly safe."

 _'Coming from a guy who created a death trap earlier,'_ Kanda thought scathingly, as he remembered that damn machine from earlier. Of course, Kanda wasn't about to let this Komui think that he was some _coward_ of all things. Kanda's pride wouldn't stand for it.

Wordlessly, Kanda went ahead and entered the room. He found himself looking around, despite the seemingly ordinary appearance of the compartmental room. The only thing that actually stood out to Kanda was a series of levers that he hadn't noticed from where he was outside – that and when he looked upward, there was no ceiling. There was only what appeared to be a high shaft stretching upward, with a series of thick, sturdy looking ropes.

Since Kanda was finally inside, Komui shut the door and moved some of the levers. With a startling shift of movement, the compartment lowered. Despite his ego, Kanda immediately felt a surge of shock from the movement, and in a reflex-like way made a move to grab at a railing or _something_. Unfortunately, such a thing didn't exist and he was left to grasp at the wall in a small panic.

"Sorry about that – this model is still quite rickety. But it is less dangerous than the last model we had. Eventually the goal is to make the ride smoother, though that might take a few years," Komui explained nonchalantly.

Kanda grimaced. He could feel the compartment lowering downward, and it freaked him out. What if the ropes snapped? And why had Komui said it was _less dangerous_ than the last model? Had the last elevator or whatever been faulty?

"I thought you said this was safe…" Kanda spoke lowly through gritted teeth. God, he wanted this elevator to just _stop_. It didn't matter that it was moving slowly – it felt unstable.

"Oh, well, there's always a chance we could plummet to our deaths, but that's with anything!" Komui answered on a silvery note.

Kanda wanted to punch him.

The elevator slowed to a stop. Kanda exhaled, not even realizing that he had been holding his breath for a few seconds. As soon as Komui slid the door to reveal solid ground outside, Kanda swiftly stepped out.

Never again. Kanda didn't care _how many_ stairs he would have to walk – he did _not_ want to go back into that weird elevator thing.

Komui stepped out (far more calmly than Kanda did), and started to walk down the hallway. Kanda noticed that this part of the building was far dimmer than anywhere else, and it was clear that they were underground.

Kanda spoke as they walked. "Earlier – what did you mean by synchronization rate?"

Stopping in front of a door, Komui turned to Kanda slightly. "Synchronizing isn't simply connecting with the innocence that makes up your anti-akuma weapon. It's maintaining a level of connectivity as well," Komui elaborated, before motioning for Kanda to follow him inside the room.

Inside, the room was darker – so dark that Kanda could not see that well. It was even dimmer than the outside hallway, and Kanda was just barely able to make out what seemed to be a ramp that he and Komui were walking along. As for where they were going, Kanda had no real idea; he could feel his skin prickle in anticipation, and he continuously felt his gaze moving all about the place.

They came to what must have been the end of the platform, because Komui stopped as he reached what Kanda now saw was some sort of railing. Kanda could also see that a bit a way's were a series of chairs that were vacant.

Noticing where Kanda's attention was, Komui addressed Kanda's unspoken question. "Don't worry – no one else will be watching this. It'll be a private evaluation."

Kanda turned to Komui sharply. "Evaluation…?"

At that moment, a glow filled the dark room. It was a strange, blue-gray light that came in the form of tendrils; Kanda froze upon seeing them, their appearance almost snake-like and ominous. Before Kanda could move, the light coiled around his body. A gasp escaped him, as he felt an alarming chill surge through his body. "W-What the hell is this!?" He questioned, though he was unable to press with any further exclamations as the light hoisted him up into the air, causing the solid ground from beneath Kanda to disappear.

Kanda was then faced with something he'd never seen before.

It wasn't anything Kanda had ever witnessed the likes of, and not even in the real of akuma. This was something entirely different – a being that had a massive, elongated form with all sorts of tendrils sprawling from it. When Kanda looked up, he saw that the thing had some kind of head, and a face that was eerily _humanoid_ – though only the nose and mouth were visible.

 _'What the hell is this…!?'_ Kanda wondered, though the words did not come out. He found himself fighting the urge to shudder as the light probed at his body, making his insides cold and nauseous. Kanda instinctively tried to grab Mugen, but found he couldn't move with how the unknown being was holding him.

"Do not use your innocence," The being spoke, voice low and ghost-like. "You must try to relax right now."

"Bullshit I will!" Kanda hissed, not sure who could even _think_ to relax in such a situation. He flinched as he felt one of the tendrils slither across the side of his cheek, as several others grasped around his upper body. God, what was this creature _doing_ to him?

Kanda was soon brought up near the face of the colossal being. "Relax," It (or was it a she?) repeated.

What good would relaxing do? Kanda couldn't think to try – he was far too tense. This worsened as he felt the being unsheathe his sword, and immediate alarm surged through Kanda. "Wait, what are you-"

"Calm yourself, exorcist," The creature soothed. It then brought its forehead to Kanda's, and Kanda instantly felt his mind fog up, as though an icy shroud had enveloped it. He suddenly had difficulty focusing.

"13%...29%...56%..."

 _'What is it…'_ Kanda tried to think, but he couldn't even do that. His mind was going numb.

"79%...95%..."

What was it doing? What were those numbers supposed to mean?

"72%...63%..." The creature continued, now counting downward rather than upward. "54%...43%...37%..."

By that point, the being pulled its forehead away from Kanda's. "The maximum synchronization rate for this accommodator is currently 37%," It assessed, before placing Kanda back onto the platform, while returning Kanda's sword as well.

Staggering a little, Kanda had to grip the railing for support. His limbs felt like liquid after the bizarre experience, and he was truthfully a little disoriented from the probing sensation.

"Hevlaska, how does this accommodator hold up to your standards?" Komui asked, completely unfazed by whatever interaction he had just witnessed.

"His synchronization rate has the potential to be much higher – however, it's steadily dropping," The being – Hevlaska – answered. "This innocence is a particularly piece to control, and it has also been damaged. Even if repaired, there will be an inevitable toll on the body."

By now, Kanda had gathered enough of himself to speak, and listening to Hevlaska's words caused a string of questions to arise within his mind. He turned to look up at her. "But that doesn't explain why Mugen isn't working properly – it's like it has a mind of its own!"

Hevlaska did not move or shift, yet Kanda could somehow feel her looking at him. "That is because your innocence does have a mind of its own. If your wills do not align, it will begin to act of its own accord."

Hevlaska's response confused Kanda. Obviously, there was much more to innocence than it being a simple weapon – it was complex, and it could be dangerously unpredictable. However, Hevlaska's words only caused Kanda more bewilderment. Would Mugen just naturally wear out Kanda more quickly, pushing him physically until his body gave out? And why weren't their wills aligning? For Kanda to have synchronized at all, they must have had at some point, so what had changed?

Kanda then wondered about his father, and if he had dealt with anything similar. _'Tiedoll was always so damn worried about me using this thing too…'_

"Huh. Well, that sounds inconvenient," Komui murmured contemplatively. He then spoke a bit more clearly. "But it was an insightful evaluation!"

Kanda sent a venomous glare in Komui's direction. " _That_ was the evaluation? Why didn't you tell me before!?"

"Oh, it had to be involuntary since it's easier for Hevlaska to start reading your synchronization rate when your guard is down. Although you seem to have a permanent wall of distrust surrounding you…"

"Gee. I wonder why," Kanda countered sarcastically. _'Fucking crazy person…'_

"Don't feel too put off. Hevlaska is an exorcist as well."

Kanda blinked. Seriously?

"So, Hevlaska, is this one here trustworthy?" Komui then asked. Kanda could feel his eyebrow tick at how Komui was just talking about Kanda as though Kanda were not even standing right there.

"He can be trusted, but his will needs to align with his innocence," Hevlaska responded. "Or eventually the synchronization rate will drop too lowly."

Kanda frowned, but Komui only nodded. "Very well," Komui said as he turned back to Kanda. "So you have a conflict of interest, I see? That's certainly interesting."

Kanda snapped. "I don't have a conflict of interest, okay!? I don't even know where this weird alignment shit is coming from!"

"Easy, Kanda, settle down," Komui soothed, though his words only incensed Kanda. Why the hell did Komui have to talk to Kanda like he was a _dog_?

Komui took a small breath and adjusted his glasses. "I understand it's probably a lot to take inright now, but I couldn't move forward with anything until I had Hevlaska evaluate you and your anti-akuma weapon," Komui continued. "Though I'll still be limited on actually being able to help much if you don't plan on joining the Order."

Kanda's eyes flashed piercingly. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

Komui sighed. "Just before the Order was officially established several decades ago, a cube was discovered. It's called the God Crystal."

"God Crystal…?" Kanda repeated, though he couldn't say he'd ever heard of such a thing.

"Yes – it's actually what the material for innocence comes from, such as what's in your sword," Komui elaborated. "But inside the cube was a message. It refers to a past cataclysm known as the Three Days of Darkness – though you'd probably be more familiar with it as Noah's flood."

"You mean the one from the Old Testament?" Kanda asked. Kanda had never been biblical by any means, but he was familiar enough with some of the stories. Being raised by Tiedoll who ran a church had definitely played a part in exposing Kanda to some scripture.

Komui nodded in confirmation. "That's correct. And you may or may not have made the connection with the name 'Noah.'"

"Noah…wait, you're not saying there's a connection with the original Noah and the two psychos you think I might have met? I thought Noah was a chosen disciple of God's."

"Yes, that does pose some confusion on the matter," Komui pondered before exhaling. "But there is some kind of connection. We're just not sure what it is. But the leader of the Noah – the one who makes the akuma you and so many others hunt – is prophesized to return. And to create another cataclysm."

Komui paused, then caught Kanda's gaze directly. "Inside the cube it warned of that, while also instructing the finders of the cube to call upon every exorcist they could find to fight in this say holy war. As you can see, it's something of a high-pressure situation."

Kanda's frown deepened. "And you want me to officially join."

"We'd have to figure out how to deal with your innocence, but yes. That's what it comes down to."

A frustrated sigh escaped Kanda. "I already said I _can't_ -"

"Because you have to find this person?" Komui pointedly asked, taking Kanda a bit aback. Komui's expression was somber. "Please don't be too put off by my bluntness, but be realistic. How are you so certain this person you're seeking is alive? You said they were taken by an akuma, and akuma aren't designed to be merciful."

The words were cuttingly sharp and caused Kanda to freeze. _'How do you know though? How do you know Alma is still alive? How do you know he isn't_ dead _?'_

Komui took Kanda's silence as an invitation to continue speaking. He re-adjusted his glasses once more. "This is the reality of what we're dealing with right now. And given that your innocence is decreasing in how well it is synchronizing with you, you can't just run off to chase an akuma that you may never find. But because of how the Order functions I cannot do anything to assist you unless I know you intend on becoming a member."

Kanda clenched his fist. He…he was getting backed into a corner. A goddamn _corner._

What made things even worse was that Komui wasn't _wrong_ in what he was stating. Mugen wasn't stable right now, and Kanda deep down knew that he was getting to the point where he couldn't use his sword properly – it wouldn't even do him much good in fighting akuma anymore. Not when his innocence was periodically _turning_ on him.

And then…there was Alma.

Alma, who could be dead.

The thought was almost too much for Kanda to handle. Thinking about Alma's body somewhere, forgotten and left to decay….or worse: thinking about Alma having potentially become some kind of akuma, if by some horrible twist of fate that strange man had been telling the truth…

Fuck. Kanda couldn't stand either situation, but Kanda couldn't just walk away.

"No," Kanda spoke firmly. "I can't stop looking for him. Even if," Kanda paused, having to force the words out, "Even if he's dead…I need to know what happened to him. I'll never forgive myself if I don't find out."

The air was quiet, and no one spoke at first. An invisible weight seemed to pull down, filling the space with tension. Kanda wondered what would happen – would he get kicked out, or have his innocence confiscated? Would he be left with no way to defend himself against akuma?

Would this all have been for _nothing_?

Komui took a breath, and broke the silence. "So that's your conflict of interest…" He pondered quietly. "Alright. I'll make you a deal then."

Kanda looked over at Komui warily. "A deal?" He asked, unable to refrain from letting the distrust slip into his tone.

"Yes. A part of the science division's job is to research innocence and help make it more efficient. While we still don't know much, I can do what I can to repair your anti-akuma weapon. I might also be able to help you find a way to lessen the physical impact it has on you."

Skepticism filled Kanda's gaze. "Okay…"

"Obviously, I can't do this unless you agree to join the Order. But it doesn't have to be immediate," Komui added when he saw that Kanda looked as though he were about to argue. Komui went on. "If you agree to return in a year, I'll do this much for you. During that year you can look for this person of yours."

Kanda crossed his arms. A year wasn't actually that much time, and he wasn't completely keen on such an arrangement. "And after that year is up…I just give up on finding him?"

"Not exactly," Komui stated, causing surprise to appear in Kanda's eyes. "If you find any leads after that time is up, I'll do what I can to help you. However, any immediate assignments for the Order would have to take priority. You understand?"

Kanda thought. What Komui was offering…it wasn't completely unfair. He didn't really like the details and how he was basically getting trapped into joining the Order, but when Kanda thought about it, what all could he really do anymore? His innocence would be useless if Kanda tried to just take off right then, and Kanda had no idea where to go next from here. And if Mugen was really so potentially hazardous for Kanda's physical state…

 _'…I might not live long enough to find Alma,'_ Kanda realized, feeling an icy sense of dread fill his chest. He hadn't considered that before – dying before he could really learn everything.

The gravity of the situation was suddenly much more severe.

Kanda wasn't sure how much time had passed, but he heard himself speaking. "And…you will let me look for him without any problems that first year?"

Komui nodded, before extending his hand for Kanda to shake. "You have my word. As long as I have yours."

Another few seconds of silence passed. Kanda eyed Komui's hand, his hesitancy preventing him from making any sudden movements.

Kanda then thought of Alma. _'Alma…'_

He took Komui's hand, and shook it. "Deal." 

* * *

**A/N:** WOW WOW WOW. This chapter ended up being longer than I planned. XD Since there's so much, I'm making a few quick notes before I forget.

First, the technology in the science division. This AU takes place close to a hundred years earlier than in the canon DGM universe, which I tried to keep in mind when mentioning some of what the science division is working on. There is a reference to the spinning frame, which was invented by Richard Arkwright in 1768 (so it falls in line time-wise with the science division). As for the steam engine, this also works since it was James Watt who invented the model I describe Komui working on (which was just a year after the invention of the spinning frame).

I ended up spending a bit more time writing on the science division than I originally planned for this AU - mainly because I wanted some comic relief early on, and it seemed relevant given that this timeline falls in line with the scientific revolution that would have been taking place in Europe at the time. The electrical elevator obviously wasn't invented until years later, but I included a rough model since I imagine the Order's science division was quickly becoming more advanced (I mean hell they're really high tech just 100 years later, so xD).

Also, there's finally Kanda's innocence that's getting addressed. FINALLY. XD When planning this, I was thinking a lot about how Allen and Crown Clown worked actually - mainly when Allen is at the Asian Branch, and struggling to re-activate Crown Clown. I also was thinking back to Lenalee's dark boots, and how they protected her in that crystal-like structure. Innocence is something that clearly has a will and mind of its own, so Mugen wouldn't be all that different. And innocence in general seems like it has a one-track mind when it comes to either protecting accommodators /or/ destroying akuma (which becomes problematic, when you think about how Alma has become an akuma in this AU). So, there is a conflict of interest there.

Regarding the impact on Kanda's physical state, I feel like this could come from actively making yourself synchronize with innocence you couldn't with right away. In canon even, Kanda has difficulty synchronizing with Mugen as a second exorcist, and after he does it seems to take a toll on his body at times (though he recovers well, because of his regenerative abilities). So, that's where some of this logic is coming from, I guess?

Ugh. I'm trying to keep these notes straight, but my brain might be frying from all I've written with this chapter. xD ANYWAYS, it hopefully is making sense where I'm going with this.

Comments, reviews, and messages appreciated as always!


	20. Dusmoros

**Lotus in the Snow (Snow Queen AU)**

 **Chapter Nineteen**  
 _Dusmoros  
_

 __"No one's returned yet."

Anita's dark eyes moved to where Mahoja stood. The tall, burly ice woman stood, her body still and statuesque. Anita was a small bit a ways, seated on the edge of a bed that was laced in a frosted covering, crystalline and iridescent. The paleness eerily matched the tone of Anita's skin, which was kissed with a silvery dusting of ice.

Anita closed her eyes, expression unreadable. "How likely is it they'll come back?" She asked, her voice even and modulated.

Mahoja's face was neutral, but a glimpse of concern seemed to flash through her eyes. Within a second, the emotion had vanished though, and she answered Anita coolly. "I imagine someone will be sent here – likely an exorcist. I'll continue to keep watch for them."

A beat of a pause, but no response from Anita. Mahoja spoke again. "Should I get rid of them when they arrive?"

"No."

Anita's answer was soft, and the evenness of her tone was now soiled with the faintest hint of emotion. "Please, Mahoja," She insisted gently, "Do not kill them. Do not if you can help it."

Mahoja's jaw tightened, but she said nothing.

Anita turned to look at Mahoja, though she was still seated. "How much progress has he made?"

He. Alma. Mahoja now thought of the damned akuma-boy by his name. "He's put half of the mirror back together. His progress is moving along much more quickly than any of the others had," Mahoja responded. A look of displeasure appeared on her face. "It won't be long before he starts to lose himself like the others did though. He's holding up for now, but I can tell it won't last forever."

Anita looked away, with a distant look in her eyes. "He needs to hurry," Anita insisted faintly. "If he finishes it, we won't have to worry about if anyone tries to come back here…"

Mahoja physically tensed. "Are you still planning on…?"

Anita did not answer right away, and Mahoja's composure cracked. "Mistress, please don't do this – there _has_ to be another way-"

"Mahoja."

The name spilled from Anita's lips in a delicate lull, instantly causing Mahoja to cease speaking. Anita then stood, and walked over to where Mahoja was.

Gently, Anita took Mahoja's hand, as her slender fingers grazed Mahoja's. "Mahoja…you've given up so much for me already. You even became this way for me," Anita began. Her words were still soft, like a gentle snowfall kissed with moonlight. And her lips were kissed with a quiet sadness. "Please…help me do this one last thing. I don't want this all to be in vain, and I can't continue this way forever either."

Mahoja averted her gaze. It was painful to look Anita in the eye – so wretchedly, horribly painful. It was painful to look at those dark eyes, which were so cold and filled with loneliness. Loneliness Mahoja _wished_ she could erase.

But, one day there would be nothing in those eyes. No loneliness. So iciness. Just anger. Anger and hatred. For Mahoja, that would be worse. That would mean that she would have failed Anita to see such things in her master's eyes.

Mahoja closed her eyes, and nodded. "I will continue to serve you in any way I can."

Anita grasped Mahoja's hand. "Thank you."

* * *

 _Click. Click. Click._

Alma currently sat on the floor, cross-legged and beside the glass shards. His tail, long and with and arrow-like tip, curled as it reached around to the pile of glass sharps, poking them around. Alma rested the side of his face in the palm of his hand as he watched his tail move the shards around, lightly clinging them against one another. _'Huh. It's like having a third arm…kind of…'_

"What are you doing?"

Alma didn't even have to turn to know it was Mahoja who had asked the question. He hadn't even needed to turn to know when she entered the room. Despite Mahoja having an uncanny stealth to her movements, Alma could _feel_ her. It was a strange sensation, though it was not quite like the pull Alma had felt when those humans were last around (Alma shuddered to remember that night – that night that he had become completely overtaken by some terrifying, primal instinct).

Mahoja was now right behind him – Alma could feel it. He didn't ceased playing the mirror shards though. "I'm playing a game. It's moving pieces of glass until I die of boredom…" Alma murmured somewhat dryly.

"If you're so bored, then why don't you work faster?" Mahoja snapped.

Alma turned his body just enough so that he could shoot a particularly nasty look in Mahoja's direction. "I _have_ been working fast!" He argued, before motioning over to the mirror, which was more than slightly halfway completed. "I've already gotten a lot done, and it's not like you've offered to help or anything!"

Defiantly, Alma resumed his task of moving the shards around with his tail. His expression was now soiled with displeasure. "Anyways, why are you so angry today? You weren't this crappy earlier…"

Mahoja twitched, and gritted her teeth. Her arms were crossed as she glared down at Alma. "I'm _angry_ because I'm still having to worry about that little mess you made," She responded with a somewhat scathing tone. "You know – when you couldn't sit still in here for just a few minutes and had to go running outside like some animal."

Alma stopped moving right there. He could feel his blood sizzle.

Fuck that. _Fuck_ that. Alma didn't know what had caused Mahoja to sour so drastically in the past hour or so that she was gone, but Alma wasn't about to let her blame him for something that he hadn't been able to _control_.

"That _wasn't_ my fault," Alma hissed, his words laced with offense.

It wasn't his fault. Alma couldn't help what had happened. He hadn't even _wanted_ it to happen….yet here Mahoja was blaming him as though he had messed things up on _purpose_.

"It wasn't my fault," Alma repeated, his word barely above a whisper. His hands grasped tightly onto his legs, so tightly that Alma wondered if it were possible for him to break his own bones. But even such a gruesome thought couldn't erase Mahoja's accusations, or the way in which they clawed at Alma's insides.

Inside, there seemed to be a _snap_.

Alma turned sharply, and glowered at Mahoja scathingly. "It wasn't my fault and you fucking _know_ it! So _stop blaming me for everything_!"

Alma's voice had crescendoed in volume to full-blown shouting; his words seemed to echo off the walls, emphasizing just how _empty_ the icy cavern was. Empty. Lonely. There was just… _nothing_ there. Nothing but ice and broken glass.

Nothing. And Alma had to stay there.

Swiftly, Alma turned back around so he was facing away from Mahoja. He brought his knees up to his chest as he wrapped his arms around them. His tail curled back, no longer playing with the broken pieces of mirror. It was a childish and immature position to take, Alma knew, but he didn't care. He was too tired and too angry to care at this point.

Mahoja watched as Alma promptly decided to ignore her, while also refusing to work any further apparently. Exasperated, Mahoja pressed her fingers to her forehead as she tried desperately not to fire off at the brat.

She didn't do very well.

"God, would you stop acting like some petulant child already?" Mahoja barked. "Five-year-olds are probably better to owning up to their own mistakes than you!"

Alma was still facing away from Mahoja, but that didn't stop him from arguing. "Yeah, well if I'm so immature you can finish the mirror yourself! I mean wouldn't that be easier than just monitoring me all the time? It's stupid!"

"You know what? It _would_ be easier. Except I _can't_ , which means I'm stuck with _you_ ," Mahoja pointed out. Her voice was lethally bitter as she said this, and her gaze acidic.

Mahoja's reaction was enough to cause Alma's impudent behavior to fracture. With a look of intrigue, Alma turned his head to look back at Mahoja. For whatever reason, the woman's virulence did not frighten Alma anymore. What it _did_ do was arouse Alma's curiosity.

Alma's own hostile energy seemed to mellow with this distract, as he eyed Mahoja cautiously. "Why can't you?" Alma asked as he struggled to keep his tone even. Against his own will, he felt it fluctuate slightly – no doubt a reaction from the residue of his outburst just a few moments prior. "You've never actually told me that…"

Mahoja realized her fault, and that she had unintentionally just spurned Alma's obnoxious curiosity even further. She still wore a scornful look, although her eyes appeared to hold a glint of what might have been discouragement. "I just can't. I've tried for years to put the damned thing back together, and it just…doesn't work. The shapes always change when I look at them – like it's impossible for me to tell which piece goes together."

Alma appeared perplexed, and he glanced back at the mirror which was halfway complete. "But…that doesn't happen when I work with it…"

Mahoja sighed. She sounded tired. "That's because only certain people can put it back together. You're one of them," Mahoja explained. She then looked at Alma pointedly. "Which is why _you_ have to put it together."

"Can't you find someone else?" Alma muttered softly, though his words were still audible.

"No," Mahoja answered with a sharpness that once more took Alma by surprise.

Lowering his knees, Alma ended up shifting his body so he could continue to face Mahoja more easily as opposed to craning his neck. He appeared a bit dubious at hearing Mahoja's response. "I don't understand. So why me then?"

Mahoja didn't looked at Alma directly, and leaned against an ice pillar. She looked as though she were debating on saying more, and that cause an annoyed look to flash across Alma's features. "You know the last time you kept shit from me it didn't work out well, so maybe for once you could _actually_ be a little insightful?" Alma pointed out somewhat caustically.

An unspoken sneer seemed to play at Mahoja's lips, but she held back. Despite her aggravation, she seemed to realize that Alma had a point. "It's because of how you were made into an akuma, and there is only you and one another person left. The other person is currently unable to do anything with the mirror, so that leaves you."

"Wait – but I thought you were like me? You're an akuma too, right?" Alma questioned, standing.

Frosty aloofness washed over Mahoja, and she casted her gaze sideways. "I'm a different kind than you are," She answered quietly. "It's how I've managed to stay sane for this long, too…"

Alma felt his stomach drop. Previously, he had thought that Mahoja was similar to him, and that maybe from her he could learn how to hold onto himself more in this bizarre transition he was experience. But now, Mahoja was stating otherwise, and Alma could once more feel his hope depleting. _'So, I'm still screwed…'_

"A piece of direct dark matter made you into what you are now. At some point it must have pierced you directly," Mahoja then went on.

 _'Pierced me…'_ Alma thought, with a small frown on his face as he pondered Mahoja's statement. He started to think back to when this even might have happened, when…

 _Ice skating. Alma was ice skating. Terribly, but Kanda was holding his hand. Kanda was guiding him. They were actually laughing. They were together._

Eyes. Alma remembered being fixated on Kanda's eyes. Then lips. They kissed.

Snow. Wind. Snow flurries cascading out of nowhere. Something sharp piercing Alma's eye. Something painful-

The memory was sharp, and caused a stab of pain to surge through Alma's chest. Sorrow, scathing and hostile, clenched at Alma's heart. It clenched so tightly that he wanted nothing more than to burn that memory, which was so torturously sweet and hideously painful to think about.

Anything with Kanda was painful to think about.

Alma hated it. He hated the agony he felt every single time he thought of Kanda. Alma hated the deep ache in his chest that seemed to silently scream for something that would never be his – because Kanda never would have been his. Even if Alma hadn't become an akuma, Kanda would have left. Kanda would have left, and eventually forgotten about Alma. People always did that. People were cruel.

Alma wanted to hate Kanda. He wanted to hate Kanda _so much_ , but he couldn't, and it made Alma angry. It hurt. _'It hurts so much…'_

Biting the inside of his cheek, Alma tried to think about something else – just not Kanda. _Anything_ but Kanda.

"Mahoja," Alma spoke, his throat dry. "What will happen when that mirror gets repaired?"

Mahoja hesitated, and looked as though she wasn't certain how to answer. But she did – and her answer was not one that Alma didn't expect.

Mahoja exhaled. "When it's repaired, you'll no longer have to exist as you are now."

* * *

Kanda was avoiding people. He was doing his best to, at least.

It had been two days since Kanda made that agreement with Komui. Two days since Kanda essentially signed his life away to joining some organization that Kanda may or may not have regretted deeply. Two days since Kanda put an actual time cap on his search for finding out just what had happened to Alma.

 _'I've got a year…'_ Kanda mused.

A year hardly seemed like enough time, and although Komui had expressed that Kanda could still look for leads afterwards the fact stood that Kanda would have to focus and prioritize on what the _Black_ _Order_ wanted once that year was up. Any missions or assignments given to Kanda would have to come first, and any thoughts of Alma would have to be pushed to the wayside. The realization was one that made Kanda feel powerless – and trapped.

 _'This whole place is like a trap,'_ Kanda noted. Not that he was actually being confined or anything – right now, Kanda was moving freely. It hadn't taken him long to discover where the training room was, and Kanda had taken to spending a large amount of his time there. Even without Mugen to practice with, there was a supply of spare weapons and practice swords. It wasn't ideal, but using them would be much more beneficial to Kanda than doing _nothing_.

Kanda paused his practice briefly, taking a moment to catch his breath. He wasn't sure how long he'd been in the training room this morning. It was early, and Kanda had actually woken up just a little after 4:00AM. It was an ungodly hour to be up by for many, but Kanda hadn't been able to sleep well the past few nights. He found that it was actually rather convenient to get up so early though, since it was the one time Kanda was guaranteed an empty training room – something he would much prefer as opposed to an occupied one.

Complete avoidance was of course impossible. Kanda had crossed paths with members of the Black Order here and there – though it was mostly finders, which Kanda learned were non-accommodators who helped assist Exorcists in locating innocence. There were also a few instances where Kanda would pass one of the CROWs, though he actively tried to pretend they were non-existent.

Most people didn't seem to bother Kanda, or go out of their way to speak to him. Perhaps it was that "murderous glare" Lavi so often accused Kanda of wearing, not that Kanda cared. Aside from the few curious stares he occasionally spotted being directed at him, Kanda liked being left alone. He didn't want to have to deal with any unnecessary interaction. Kanda was about to endure his third day at the Order, and but now Kanda just wanted Komui to fix his anti-akuma weapon soon so he could leave.

 _'Leave where though?'_ Kanda couldn't help but bitterly question. As of right now, Komui didn't know anything about the akuma woman Kanda had described, and frankly she could have been _anywhere_. Meaning that Alma could have been anywhere.

Kanda swung the sword, hitting a target. _'Fucking a year…like that's actually enough fucking time…'_

The sound of a door opening immediately caused Kanda to pause his training once more. Had someone else decided to train early? Obviously they could if they wanted to, but Kanda couldn't help but silently curse. Whoever it was, he hoped that they wouldn't try to talk to him. In an attempt to ensure this, Kanda resumed his practicing.

Light footsteps could be faintly heard, and Kanda felt his nerves twitch. Great, whoever had come in was coming his way…

"Hey, Kanda?"

Kanda ceased his movement, only because the voice belonged to someone who wasn't _completely_ intolerable. Turning, he spotted Lenalee standing there with a somewhat inquisitive look on her face.

When she didn't say anything else at first, Kanda decided to push her along. There was a mildly annoyed look in his eyes. "Yeah?" He asked, somewhat gruffly. Lenalee was actually not that bad of a person, but Kanda still wasn't too eager to be around anyone at the moment.

Lenalee's eyes moved to the practice sword Kanda was using. "Were you here this early yesterday morning too?" She asked.

Kanda didn't know where Lenalee was going with this, but he honestly didn't see an issue with it. As far as Kanda knew, the training room was always open, so he didn't get why Lenalee was up so early and trying to talk to Kanda about it.

Kanda kept his expression neutral. "Is that a problem?"

"Oh, no, but…" Lenalee trailed off a bit, looking as though she were trying to figure out just what to say exactly. "It's just – you kind of have been avoiding everyone and keeping to yourself ever since you came here. I wanted to see how you were doing."

The concern was light, but felt oddly genuine. It took Kanda a little off guard with how straightforward Lenalee was being as well, but that still didn't eliminate the aggravation Kanda currently felt with his situation. "Hn. I'm fine," Kanda answered shortly. He didn't need to go into any elaborate details regarding how he was _feeling_.

Lenalee's expression was somewhat disbelieving, but she didn't try to call Kanda out immediately. "Well, I talked to Komui last night," She said as she placed her hands behind her back. "He thinks your sword should be ready by today."

This got Kanda's attention, but he only spared Lenalee a quick glance before looking away.

"Komui also told me you decided to return to the Black Order in a year."

Kanda scoffed. "Decided, huh? That's an interesting choice of words given I didn't have too many options to choose from…"

Kanda's words were cool, but the end of his answer trailed with distaste. He wasn't fond of how Komui had worded Kanda's impending return to the Order as some act of free will. It was true that Kanda had been given a choice, but the choices had been foul, and Kanda had essentially been cornered into joining the Black Order.

Even if Komui was supposedly being "lenient", Kanda was still sore over the whole arrangement.

Lenalee's expression fell slightly at this, but she didn't rush to argue with Kanda on the matter. "The Order can be pretty insistent when it comes to recruiting exorcists…" She murmured quietly.

"Tch. That's an understatement."

Lenalee looked as though she were about to say more, but hesitated. There was a somewhat distant look in her eyes, as though she were remembering something. "I didn't really like being here at first, either. It sort of scared me really."

Kanda looked at Lenalee dubiously. "You don't seem that bothered by it now."

Lenalee smiled. "It got easier," She pointed out. "It was a lot better after my brother joined the Order. For a while I was here by myself. I didn't talk to too many people either."

Lenalee's words surprised Kanda – especially when she mentioned being at the Order before Komui. How old was Lenalee, even? She was probably at least two or three years younger than Kanda – there was no way she was older than sixteen at best. Honestly, Kanda had figured that Komui was involved in the Order before Lenalee was.

"Anyways," Lenalee was going on, "I guess my point is that it's not all bad here. I kept to myself for a long time, but eventually I started to open up to some more of the people here. A lot of them are really nice. Like Lavi. "

Kanda rolled his eyes. "If most of the people here are like Lavi, then I am going to regret this shit…"

Lenalee laughed lightly. "He means well – and Lavi only teases you because that's how he is. So don't take his antics too personally."

 _'Yeah, whatever,'_ Kanda wanted to say, though he opted for silence. Lenalee might have thought Lavi was nice, but the guy was a bloody nuisance.

When the fell back into another lapse of silence, Lenalee made a motion to leave. "I'll let you get back to your training, but when I hear anything from my brother about your innocence I'll let you know," She offered with a small smile. "But later you should come find me and Lavi if you're bored. I've hardly seen you in the dining halls, and Jerry told me you never stay for too long."

Kanda wasn't too good with names, so it took him a second to think of who "Jeryy" was – but then he recalled the rather enthusiastic chef who was a bit too friendly for Kanda's liking. Though, Kanda had given the guy a pass since he somehow knew how to make soba.

Kanda shrugged at Lenalee's invitation. "I don't like being around a lot of people."

Lenalee blinked before brushing off Kanda's terse response. "Ah, well, have fun training."

As Lenalee turned and started to walk away, Kanda didn't immediately jump back into his practice. Instead, his mind wandered to what Lenalee had told him about Komui's progress.

Soon, Kanda could leave. Soon.

* * *

Kanda waited outside of Komui's office. He had just knocked after arriving only a moment ago, but no one had answered right away. Kanda frowned – Lenalee had just Kanda only a few moments ago, and informed him that Komui wanted to speak with him. However, Lenalee hadn't stated on whether or not it was regarding Mugen.

Kanda hoped it was – he was antsy, and even though he wasn't sure where to go first, he wanted to at least have the freedom to leave. Kanda didn't have that without Mugen.

Inside, Kanda finally heard Komui's voice. "Come in!"

 _'About time,'_ Kanda thought, as he opened the door. When he walked inside he noticed that Komui's desk was still cluttered with papers, but it wasn't as terrible as it had been the first time Kanda saw it. "Lenalee said you wanted to talk to me."

"Ah, yes," Komui said as he stood from his desk. From behind it, he brought out a sheathed sword, which he then handed to Kanda. "Here. It took a while for me to properly re-construct the blade – those cracks were causing the innocence's energy to be far more unstable than normal. This new blade should act as a buffer to prevent it."

Taking the sword, Kanda unsheathed it. As he looked at the blade, he noticed that the cracks _were_ now absent – and if anything, the craftsmanship was more refined. The blade was also somewhat curved more than it had been previously, and the handle of the sword was wrapped in some kind of blood red material that looked like a cross between a ribbon and a cord.

Komui noticed Kanda eying the details of the handle, and commented. "That should help to make the grip easier on your hand, and the slight angle at which the blade curves should make it easier to swing too. Of course, you still want to be careful with it – even re-forged, it can still be damaged again if you're not careful."

Stepping back from Komui, Kanda gave the sword a quick swing in order to get a feel for the newly repaired sword. He noticed with pleasure that Mugen felt slightly lighter in weight as well – not too much, but enough that it would be helpful to Kanda.

Re-sheathing Mugen, Kanda turned to Komui. "Thanks," He said, the appreciation actually genuine. Kanda felt awkward saying too much more though.

Komui nodded with a small smile. "Couldn't have you running around with how it was before now, could we?" He lightly commented, though Komui's lighthearted expression didn't last long. His face seemed to become slightly somber as he continued again. "However, there's still something else that should be addressed."

Hearing Komui's change in tone, Kanda looked at him warily. He could already feel his guard going back up, as he wasn't sure just where Komui was going now.

Seeing he had Kanda's attention, Komui spoke. "Usually, an exorcist will have one of two types of innocence: an equipment type, or a parasitic type. Parasitic types are usually where the innocence comes in the form of a limb or is actually connected to the body of an exorcist – but an equipment type comes in the form of an independent object," Komui explained. "You clearly have an equipment type."

Kanda glanced at Mugen, then back to Komui to indicate he was still listening.

"Now, equipment types are often more difficult to control. This is because they are completely independent of the accommodator's body, and thus they can be rather temperamental. The way I re-forged your anti-akuma weapon for you should assist with that, but it won't necessarily help how the attacks of this weapon work."

Kanda frowned, as he tried to process Komui's words. He wasn't quite following. "What do you mean by that?"

Komui pushed his glasses back up, which had slid down the bridge of his nose slightly. "Although you have an equipment-type innocence, Hevlaska informed me that the innocence in it has some parasitic behaviors. Namely taking from your own life energy when performing attacks," Komui added, his expression serious. "It's not exactly abnormal, in that it's something many exorcists have to eventually deal with – but your innocence seems to require more energy than normal for different attacks. Which means it'll gradually become more difficult for you to recover."

Komui then paused, before adding, "It doesn't help that there is a disconnect between you and your innocence as well. Even neutralized with the new design, that will likely become an issue for you again."

Scowl deepening, Kanda commented sharply, "So what am I supposed to do? Not use it as much? I can't just do that-"

"No, and I don't expect you to," Komui interjected. "And it certainly won't do the Order much good when you do return here as a full-time exorcist."

Kanda inwardly grimaced at the reminder. Right. It wouldn't work out for the _Order_. Never mind Kanda's own physical state.

"Now," Komui was going on, once more drawing Kanda's attention back, "There is another option – one that would involve a small procedure. It's more of an older technique, but it would allow for your body to recover more quickly from your anti-akuma weapon."

Kanda was wary. He didn't exactly like the word "procedure", especially coming from someone who was prone to creating rather destructive inventions. However, Kanda couldn't deny he was intrigued. He crossed his arms, and cautiously eyed Komui. "I'm listening."

Komui nodded. "It would involve a seal. By placing it on your body, it could help with repairing your body whenever you have to expend more energy than normal," He explained. "The process itself would be getting the seal tattooed onto your skin."

Kanda wrinkled his nose. Tattoos weren't uncommon – Kanda had seen them before. But usually only on sailors, and former criminals. Kanda wasn't really one to care much about what others might think, but the notion of getting tattooed somewhat bothered him.

Spying Kanda's disapproval, Komui spoke up again. "This isn't something you have to do right away – but I would advise you to consider it at the very least. Your body isn't indestructible, and the more time passes the more difficult it'll be for you to keep using your anti-akuma weapon – especially if your synchronization rate is dropping, as Hevlaska pointed out during your evaluation."

Kanda moved his gaze elsewhere. "Has anyone else had this done?"

Komui paused. "Not in a long time," He answered. "We have record of it being used, but it's only in certain cases like yours where the innocence uses an abnormal amount of the accommodator's life span."

"That isn't really comforting," Kanda muttered.

"No, but you don't have the best options it seems," Komui pointedly stated.

Kanda sighed, his frustration building. God, it was like he couldn't win – now there was a chance he might need to have some weird _thing_ tattooed onto his body? Kanda's instincts were appalled by the possibility, but his rationale couldn't ignore Komui's logic.

Still looking away, Kanda spoke quietly. "I'll think about it…but that's it. Don't expect me to actually go for it."

Komui gave a small nod in acknowledgment. His eyes briefly moved to Mugen, before back to Kanda. "So, I take it you're itching to leave soon then?"

Kanda nodded.

"Well, at least stay one more night. Maybe you'll get some kind of lead on whoever you're looking for," Komui offered. "We do have quite a few finders that come in and out all the time – maybe one of them can help you."

"Hn. I doubt it at this point…" Kanda murmured.

"Ah, such an optimist, aren't you?" Komui sighed. "Try to take it easy for now at least. I hear you're quite the early bird at the training room."

Kanda wanted to roll his eyes, but held back – Komui _had_ gone through the trouble of repairing Mugen after all, and he had actually done a good job. So Kanda didn't want to seem _too_ disrespectful.

"Sure," Kanda managed to force out, before he made a motion to leave. He paused briefly to face Komui. "Thanks again."

Komui smiled. "Glad to help."

Kanda left Komui's office after that, his re-forged weapon re-attached to his belt. It was actually nice to have the weight back there; not having Mugen with him, even for a few days, had been strange for Kanda. It had caused him to feel open and oddly vulnerable – which were not feelings that Kanda was keen on experiencing.

And here wasn't too much room for Kanda to feel much peace, either – because Kanda now had another "decision" to make.

Kanda stopped walking down the hall, and ran his hand over his face. Shit, this was all getting to be too much – each decision was heavier than any Kanda had been prepared for, and the end result of any option was loaded with some kind of consequence.

 _'Except this was what you wanted from the start, right? To hunt akuma. To run off and join the Order,'_ Kanda then thought with cynical amusement. It was really quite ironic – Kanda was now on the path to remaining an exorcist until his dying day for the Black Order, except now he didn't think he wanted that anymore. _'Fuck this…'_

Silently, Kanda leaned against the wall right beside a grandfather clock. He was far enough down the hall that he doubted anyone would see him, which was good since Kanda didn't _want_ to be seen. He wanted to be alone.

Kanda wasn't sure how much time passed, or how long he remained there leaning against the wall. He didn't bother to look at the clock to check the time – he could already hear the gentle ticking as a reminder that it was passing. There was a part of Kanda that itched to move, and that was rather angry with himself for just _standing_ there; however, Kanda felt as though his mind was numb from the overload of all that had happened in the past few weeks. He was just _exhausted_.

Eventually, Kanda knew he would have to move along. When his stomach growled a little, Kanda took it as a sign that he'd definitely been hiding beside that clock for longer than necessary.

Moving from his spot, Kanda bothered to actually look at the time. He saw that it had gotten pretty late in the day – it was well into the time where most people would be getting dinner now. Kanda briefly considered waiting a bit longer to get himself anything, mainly because he didn't want to deal with people. His stomach immediately protested the thought, and Kanda remembered that he hadn't actually eaten anything since breakfast that morning.

Whatever then – Kanda could just get in and get out. It didn't take him long to eat his meals.

Kanda made his way to the cafeteria. By now, he'd surprisingly gotten familiar enough with enough of the European Headquarters to know how to get from point a to point b, so getting lost wasn't as much of an issue as Kanda had initially thought it might be. As he'd predicted, the cafeteria _was_ busier though; there were a lot more faces Kanda had never seen before, and had Kanda not been famished he likely would have turned around right there to avoid the crowd. Kanda had been trying to take his meals earlier his past few days at the Order, so he could more easily avoid being in such a situation – but it seemed Kanda would just have to deal for this evening.

Spotting the window where people could put in the orders for their food, Kanda approached it. From inside, he could see the head chef, Jeryy, moving about. He was a tall and thin man, with richly colored skin and light hair that was pulled into two long braids. A pair of dark glasses covered his eyes despite the fact that he was indoors as well.

Jeryy had just finished an order when Kanda approached the window, and the chef immediately greeted Kanda with an excessive amount of enthusiasm. "Well hey there, tall, dark, and handsome! I was beginning to worry you were skipping dinner!"

Kanda exhaled, trying not to let Jeryy's rather flirtatious greeting grate his nerves. Even though Kanda had clarified that he only went by Kanda, the chef apparently had a need to use nicknames. "Do you have anymore of that soba?" Kanda asked, his tone practically dead in comparison to Jeryy's.

"Sure thing! You want me to spice it up for you at all?" Jeryy asked excitably, as he twirled a frying pan.

"Um, no. That's fine," Kanda answered, not really wanting any surprises with his dinner.

"Coming right up then!" Jeryy exclaimed, as he went to work on Kanda's order.

It didn't take too long for Jeryy to prepare the food. Kanda wasn't sure how Jeryy did it with all the people he always seemed to cook for; even with the other cooks helping him, the chef seemed to work tirelessly to make sure everyone's meal was to perfection. Kanda could respect the guy for that much at least, and when his soba was ready Kanda took it while mumbling a small thanks.

Glancing around the cafeteria, Kanda saw that most of the tables were occupied – another annoyance that came with getting dinner the same time everyone else did. He spotted a head of familiar pigtails though, and remembered Lenalee's offer from earlier Kanda figured it would be easiest to just go sit with her.

Approaching the table, Kanda noticed with slight irritation that Lavi was also there. Kanda did his best to repress the agitation, and simply sat down in the vacant seat next to Lenalee.

Lenalee turned to Kanda. "Hey! I'm glad you came to join us," She greeted warmly.

Lavi, who was sitting across from Lenalee and Kanda, also spoke. "Yeah, I was starting to worry one of Komui's inventions had gotten you or something, Yuu."

Kanda sent a piercing glared in Lavi's direction before taking a bite out of his soba.

"Haha, very funny, Lavi. Komui wouldn't actually let _that_ happen….at least, not on purpose," Lenalee countered as she glanced sideways. She looked back at Kanda and changed the subject. "But, hey, that sword you have with you – was that the anti-akuma weapon Komui was fixing for you?"

Kanda nodded. "Yeah…it's a lot better now."

Lavi leaned forward with his elbows on the table, and looked at Kanda curiously. "Huh. So does that mean you're going to be leaving soon?"

Kanda felt his body stiffen at the question. His mind was once more plagued with the choice he had about the seal Komui had proposed Kanda tattoo onto his body, as well as the pressuring fact that Kanda wasn't even sure where to start once he left the Black Order.

Clearly, Kanda didn't want to get into this all. So he gave a more vague response as he went back to his soba. "I'll be leaving as soon as I can."

"What do you mean there were _two_ fighting!?"

Kanda, Lenalee, and Lavi all looked up from their dinner. Just a table away three people were seated – two in finders uniforms, one with light hair and the other dark-haired. The third person – and the one who had spoken – was a young man with a stocky build and dark, unruly hair pulled back into a spikey ponytail.

"Hey, that's Maosa and Kie – they must have gotten back from their assignment recently," Lenalee observed. When she spotted Kanda also looking, Lenalee took it upon herself to point out who was who. "They're the two finders – Maosa is the one with the darker hair, and the third person is Chaoji. He's an exorcist who's been trailing with General Yeagar, and Maosa's little brother."

"Shh, Lenalady, I'm trying to hear what they're talking about," Lavi spoke as he craned his head back nosily.

Kanda snorted softly at Lavi's behavior. He didn't get what was so fascinating about listening in on the other table's conversation, and had only paid them any mind because the Chaoji guy had had such a loud outburst. Kanda quietly tried to go back to eating his soba.

By now, Kanda was just trying to tune everyone out. God, why was it so hard for people to mind their own business in this place? Kanda took another bite of his soba, doing his best to ignore the buzz of conversation from every corner of the room when his ears picked up on piece of the other table's conversation.

"-Look, Chaoji, we don't know why they were fighting. But they were definitely two akuma in that snowstorm-"

Kanda's thoughts skidded to a halt.

Two akuma. A snowstorm.

"Lavi, you shouldn't eavesdrop," Lenalee admonished.

"I'm a Bookman in training – getting information is what I live for."

"Lavi…"

"Both of you shut up," Kanda suddenly interrupted, cutting Lenalee and Lavi off.

Lavi looked intrigued. "Since when are you interested in eavesdropping?"

Kanda didn't respond, and instead began focusing all his attention on trying to listen to the other table. Fortunately, they still seemed to be on the same topic, and one of the exorcist, Chaoji, was talking.

"I don't get it though – were they higher level akuma? Why would they be fighting each other?"

 _'Two akuma supposedly fighting each other, huh?'_ Kanda thought, frowning. Akuma weren't _meant_ to fight one another – they were instinctively wired to fight alongside each other and kill humans. Unless, one of the supposed akuma was something else…

 _'What if it was that man?'_ Kanda wondered, thinking back to the strange man who may or may not have been one of these "Noah." Could that have been him?

One of the finders – the one Kanda realized was called Maosa - now spoke. "I don't know, but they weren't lower level – they didn't look it," Maosa explained before shuddering. "God, it was so strange – they both were humanoid, and one of them had these eyes that were just so… _human…_ "

Abruptly, Kanda stood up. Lenalee seemed a little startled by this. "Um, Kanda?" She asked.

Kanda ignored her though, and briskly walked over to the other table. Not caring if he came off as rude or intrusive, Kanda spoke as soon as he approached the table. "Hey," He started, quickly getting the three individuals' attention. "The two akuma you saw. Did you get a good look at them?"

Both Kie and Maosa looked a little taken aback by the question, then exchanged glances. Kie spoke first. "Maosa, you were the one who got a closer look at the one akuma – could you see much through the snow?"

Maosa didn't answer right away, as a contemplative look appeared on his face. "I…saw the eye color. The first akuma that attacked us had blue eyes. They were the ones that looked human," Maosa explained with a small frown. He then shook his head, and looked at Kanda. "I'm sorry – given the snow and how fast the akuma was moving, it was hard to catch all the details. But they looked almost like a person, but with akuma features. And they had a tail."

Kanda's mouth pressed into a thin line. An akuma with a tail didn't fit the description of any of the akuma he was looking for.

Chaoji interjected. "What does it matter what they look like? If they're akuma, then they're a threat either way! Maosa, those things could have killed you!"

"Chaoji…" Maosa sighed.

Kanda shot an irritable look in Chaoji's direction, though he wasn't completely sure just what it was about Chaoji that was incensing him so greatly. What was with this guy whining? Kanda remembered that Lenalee had said Chaoji was Maosa's younger brother – but _still_ …wasn't death the risk that came with working for the Order? This guy should have understood that.

Kanda kept his focus on Maosa and Kie. "Where was this exactly?"

This time, Kie answered. "We were all the way up in Norway. We actually were supposed to have been in the northwestern region, but we got turned around and were more northeast. It's pretty much an icy wasteland up there though – I wouldn't recommend going."

Kanda nodded, then glanced at Maosa. "Thanks," He quickly replied, before leaving the table and returning to where Lenalee and Lavi were.

As Kanda sat back down, Lavi and Lenalee both stared at Kanda for a few moments, though neither said anything right away. Both wore somewhat lost expressions, and looked as though they were tempted to ask Kanda what that had all been about.

Without warning, Kanda spoke. "Hey, Lenalee."

Lenalee jumped a little at being addressed out of nowhere, but quickly composed herself. "Um, yeah?"

"How late does Komui usually stay up?"

"My brother?" Lenalee questioned, before pressing a finger to her chin. "It usually depends on how much work he's trying to get done, which can be hit or miss with him. But he should be up for a few more hours, either in his office or in the science division lab."

Kanda nodded, but didn't say anything. Instead he quietly pushed around his soba and remained silent for the rest of dinner.

* * *

Komui was almost out of coffee. That was a shame, though maybe if he were lucky there would still be some already brewed that he could hunt down. It wasn't terribly late yet, and only after dinner. Since most of the science division consisted of coffee drinkers as well, it was a fair bet that there would be some fresh coffee with them.

Komui closed his eyes briefly. He was trying to get through several reports some of the finders had turned in, and was about to begin one from two finders who had just returned that day. Normally, Komui would look at theirs last – however, they insisted that it was important Komui look at it immediately.

Taking a breath, Komui opened his eyes. He began to read the report, skimming over some of the preliminary information that was standard for finders to include in their reports. Although, the majority of the report seemed rather _ordinary_ to Komui. Just what was it that had been so important for Komui to read?

It wasn't until Komui got to the end of the report that he saw anything of significance. An akuma attack had occurred. It was certainly a reason for concern, but at the same time it wasn't anything a finder hadn't experienced before. At least, that was Komui's thinking until he read that a _second akuma_ had appeared, and gotten into a physical fight with the first.

Komui's brow furrowed. _That_ was highly unusual.

There was a knock at Komui's office door, and Komui answered promptly. "It's open."

To Komui's surprise, it was Kanda who entered. Komui raised an eyebrow and stood as Kanda approached him. "I can't say I was expecting you to walk in," Komui commented amiably.

Kanda's expression didn't share the friendly nature, and his facial features were stony. "I thought about what you said earlier. About that seal."

Intrigue filled Komui's eyes. "And?"

Kanda hesitated, then took a breath. "What's the soonest you can put it on me?"

For a moment, Komui appeared completely caught off guard by what Kanda was asking. His expression then became serious, as he answered. "Given your eagerness I'm guessing you have a lead."

Kanda didn't say anything.

Komui exhaled. Kanda's silence was all the answer he needed. "Alright then," Komui spoke. "If you really want it as soon as possible, we can do it tonight. Give me some time to set up, and I can let you know when I'm ready."

Kanda nodded. "Okay," He said, as he tried to ignore the small tremor that lingered in his chest.

* * *

 **A/N:** Don't mind me as I low-key slip in my bias ship of Anita and Mahoja. *cough* But for real, I'm glad to be getting back to them a little more - their background is more complex, and that's something that will come up in later chapters.

Moving on - there are things that need to be edited, and a bunch of errors probably. But given that I'm posting this less than two days after I finished the last chapter, I CARE NOT. XD (Well, I do, but I'm too excited not to post it and am going to come back to edit later - so sorry for what you guys had to deal with XD)

The whole deal with Maosa and Kie finally came full circle here, so hopefully it now makes more sense as to why I spent a small chapter focusing on them. I mean, Kanda had to get a lead on where to go somehow, right? (And I know I'm not the only one who is itching for him to find Alma - it's been way too long since these two have seen each other)

As for the seal, I debated for a long time on whether or not this would become a part of the story. When I thought about how it would pan out, it made sense for me to include it more than it did for me to exclude it, so *shrugs* there's that. I mean, I think about how Mugen does use Kanda's life force for certain attacks in DGM, and if he wasn't a second exorcist how would that even work? A normal human would likely have a lot of trouble controlling an anti-akuma weapon like Mugen, so in this AU I feel like including a seal as a way to help buffer the effects would make more sense. And since the Order uses a combination of technology and sorcery, it's not too unlikely (granted, it's the Changs who use sorcery in the Asian Branch, but creative liberties are being used here XD)

ANYWAYS. I hope you guys like the chapter! This is a rarity that I'm updating this quickly with such a lengthy chapter again, but I was on a writing spree this weekend. I'm hoping it keeps up. XD

Comments, reviews, and messages are always welcome! Feedback is great, and flailing too. I tend to flail a lot.


	21. Departure

**Lotus in the Snow (Snow Queen AU)**

 **Chapter Twenty**  
 _Departure  
_

 __  
 _  
_Kanda hardly slept during the night. He couldn't get comfortable. He couldn't keep his eyes closed. His mind wouldn't turn _off_ – Kanda's thoughts just kept jumping from one thing to the next. The Order. The finders. The two akuma Kanda had heard about, or the tattoo that now adorned Kanda's body-

 _'Fuck this,'_ Kanda thought, sitting up in bed. Sleep wasn't coming anytime soon, and outside Kanda could see the moon hanging high in the sky.

The whole tattoo procedure had been done hours ago. It had been a peculiar experience, primarily because there had…really no pain at all. This was surprising, since Kanda had anticipated there being _some_ physical discomfort. However, aside from a weird tingling sensation, Kanda hadn't felt anything. The whole ordeal hadn't even taken that long.

 _"You'll probably notice feeling more restless and energetic the next few days until your body adjusts to it,"_ Komui had informed Kanda upon completing the tattoo. _"Don't be fooled – you're still not invincible, so be wary of that."_

Yeah, Kanda would be wary of that. Kanda would be wary of everything now. When had his life gotten so complicated? Just a year ago he had been traveling with Daisya, with the simple goal of annihilating as many akuma as possible. But then, Kanda had gone back to the village, and met Alma, and lost Alma…

Kanda paused, taking out the lotus pin he had. He still remembered the first night he met Alma – annoyingly inquisitive and pestering in that church. Kanda recalled how much Alma had aggravated him at the time – heck, Alma was aggravating to think about _now_ in a way (' _Why couldn't you have stayed safe, idiot?_ '). Aggravating, and stupidly naïve, and underserving of whatever might have happened to him.

 _'One year,'_ Kanda remembered. One year to try to find Alma.

Kanda was eager for morning to come. 

* * *

"Lavi, you're next assignment will be in Norway."

Lavi raised an eyebrow, slightly surprised by this information. When Komui had requested him to stop by his office so late, he had figured something was up – but he had anticipated his next assignment being elsewhere.

"Yeah? I thought you wanted me and old panda face to head east when we both made it back," Lavi commented, though his words still held enough intrigue to signify he was definitely interested in _why_ Komui was giving him a new assignment.

Komui sipped his coffee – it was the only way he was even still awake by this point. "That's correct, but this assignment needs to take priority now. Between the akuma activity Maosa and Kie reported, and General Cross's _potential_ presence in that area, it's worth looking into. Preferably sooner rather than later," Komui explained as he looked at Lavi. "Bookman hasn't returned yet, but he'll have instructions to join you as soon as possible."

Lavi nodded in understanding. "So, you want me to just scope the area then? I can do that."

"That, and it seems Kanda is also going in that direction," Komui added. A serious look passed over Komui's features. "He's not obliged to report to the Order for a year, but I think it would be wise for you to keep an eye on him for a bit."

Lavi's expression sobered at this. "You want me to watch for anything specific?" He asked, arms crossed.

A thoughtful look passed over Komui, as he tapped his finger to his chin. A few seconds passed before he finally answered. "Just try to make sure he doesn't do anything reckless, or something to get himself killed," Komui spoke. "He'll be useful as an exorcist later on."

Lavi didn't speak right away, but Komui knew the intent had been made clear enough. 

* * *

Eventually Kanda had gotten some sleep, although it was minimal. Maybe a few hours at best, but as Komui had warned Kanda he _did_ feel more energetic than he had been lately. Even if the sensation were temporary, Kanda couldn't deny he was grateful for it. If anything, he hoped to make more headway traveling with the energy high while he could. If he had to sleep less, that meant he could cover more ground – which would be necessary, given how Kanda was on a time crunch.

It didn't take Kanda long to prepare to leave. As soon as morning had come, Kanda had dressed and gathered any belongings of his (which was minimal). Since Kanda had already confirmed with Komui that he'd be leaving the previous night, he didn't plan on stopping to say bye – the sooner Kanda could leave, the better. He wouldn't own the Order any explanation for the next year.

A knock on the door interrupted Kanda's thoughts, as he glanced over at it warily. He hadn't even answered it, let alone interacted with anyone yet that day, but Kanda was already impatient due to his anxiousness to leave. "Yeah?" He grumbled, hoping that whoever it was wouldn't take long.

"It's me," Lenalee's voice responded.

Grabbing his bag, Kanda went to the door and answered it. Sure enough, Lenalee was standing outside. Kanda noticed she was holding a slightly smaller bag.

Lenalee held up the bag for Kanda. "Here. I got this together for you before you were going to take off – it's some food."

Kanda was a little caught off guard by this, and looked at it somewhat awkwardly. He'd known that he would need to get some food together before he left, but he had just planned on grabbing some things from the kitchen or something. Kanda didn't get why Lenalee had thought she needed to go through any trouble.

"I'm fine-" Kanda started, before Lenalee promptly pushed the bag into his hand.

"Just take it. I made one for Lavi too."

Kanda frowned, and looked back at Lenalee. "Why?" He asked, unable to hide the suspicious edge in his voice.

Lenalee blinked. "Oh, well…I guess he's coming with you."

Kanda stared at Lenalee, just trying to process this bit of news. Lavi was _coming_? Oh no. Lavi didn't _need_ to come – anyways, didn't he have other assignments and crap to do for the Order?

Kanda's scowl deepened a little. "Tch. That's not happening."

Lenalee laughed softly. "Good luck telling him that – although, I doubt he'll be with you the whole time. I think he's just going in the same direction you are for his next assignment," She explained. "It might be nice if you keep each other company."

 _No_ , it'd be nice if Kanda didn't have to deal with Lavi's weird, enigmatic personality and antics for a while.

"Anyways," Lenalee continued, "I wanted to say safe travels before you head out. Komui told me you were probably leaving early this morning."

Kanda nodded, then looked back at the bag Lenalee had given him. "Um, thanks. For this," He offered, somewhat awkwardly.

Lenalee beamed. "You're welcome," She responded. "Oh, and Lavi's downstairs by the canal. There's a ferry leaving the island soon, so you guys should be able to catch that."

Kanda exhaled in exasperation. He really wasn't pleased that he apparently was somehow getting stuck with Lavi, but if what Lenalee said was true then there was no reason Kanda couldn't go his own way once they left the island and got back to the mainland.

After a final farewell to Lenalee, Kanda headed downstairs. Lenalee had given him some directions so he knew just where to go, and as she'd described there was a canal below the Order's European Branch. It was a dark and dimly list area, cool and damp as moisture filled the air. There was a somewhat musty smell as well that Kanda found to be quite unappealing, but he ignored it as he spotted a familiar head of fiery hair in one of the boats.

Upon see Kanda, Lavi grinned. "Hey there, partner!" He greeted, having already gotten into the boat. With him was a finder, who looked to be the one who would be guiding the boat along.

Kanda responded with a glare. " _Don't_ call me that," He warned lowly, before stepping into the boat. It rocked a little, but was still steady.

Once Kanda was seated across from Lavi, he looked at him skeptically. "Why the hell are you here again?"

Lavi's lips remained quirked up into a smile. "Aw, Lenalady didn't tell you I was going in the same direction you were for my next assignment? I figured you'd be happy."

Kanda rolled his eyes. He had prepared to bite back at Lavi's words, when he paused to notice the finder that had started to steer the boat with an oar. Kanda soon recognized him as the finder he had confronted in the dining hall – Maosa.

Lavi noticed where Kanda's attention had fallen. "You remember Maosa, right? He's seeing us out today."

Hearing his name, Maosa glanced back toward Kanda and Lavi, and nodded with a small smile in greeting. Kanda didn't comment or say anything back.

As the boat rowed on, Kanda turned to Lavi. "So, what's this assignment you have?" Kanda asked, naturally wondering what it was that had caused him to inadvertently get stuck with Lavi a bit longer.

Lavi leaned back a little. "Just looking into some activity in the area. There's a general that went MIA a few years back, and he _might_ be in the area," Lavi explained before grinning in Maosa's direction. "Not that it's very likely, is it Maosa?"

Maosa, who was still guiding the boat, glanced back at Lavi. "Not if he was supposed to be where Kie and I were," The finder pointed out. "That area was pretty barren of people…"

Kanda's eyes flickered in Maosa's direction. "But that's where you saw those akuma?"

Maosa nodded, then returned his attention to steering the boat. "Yeah. That still had to be one of the strangest akuma interactions I've ever seen."

"I bet. I don't think I've ever seen two akuma go at it like you described. They definitely couldn't have been level 1 if they had enough of a consciousness to fight each other – or to let you guys get away so easily," Lavi chimed in, before realizing that his words could easily be taken as an insult. Sheepishly, he added, "No offense or anything."

"None taken," Maosa responded good-naturedly.

The group eventually got out of the canal. Musty air was replaced by cool, icy air that instantly cleared Kanda's lungs, and the sky was a startling pale blue. Behind them Kanda could see the European Branch, with several of the crow guards outside. A bitter taste instantly appeared in Kanda's mouth as he recalled his first encounter with them.

It didn't take long for them to reach the main docks where the ferry would be. Once the smaller boat came to a stop, Lavi and Kanda both got out while Maosa remained. "Good luck with everything you two," Maosa offered them.

"Thanks, man," Lavi said, before Maosa began to head back toward the Order.

As they were left on the dock, Kanda looked over, spotting where the ferry was that would be heading to England's mainland. He noticed that it wasn't particularly crowded, save for a few people that seemed to be loading up some cargo.

Lavi spoke up. "So, I guess we're heading to Norway then."

 _We._ Kanda suppressed a groan. "I guess," He mumbled, accepting that Lavi didn't seem to be going anywhere.

Whatever – as long as Kanda didn't get slowed down from his own goal, he would deal with it.

As usual, Lavi didn't seem to be put off by Kanda's lack of enthusiasm. "When we get to the mainland, we should probably see what cargo ships are going where. It'd save us a lot of time if we didn't have to cut through Germany."

Germany – god, Kanda was recovering from the last time he was there. Unwillingly, his mind flickered back to that cabin, and the whole…illusion it brought. He felt his body go rigid as he recalled that moment where he had been with Alma, or who he _thought_ had been Alma, and then…

Kanda stopped right there. He still couldn't think about it.

"Yeah, that works," Kanda agreed stiffly.

Lavi's gaze lingered on Kanda for a fraction of a second longer than normal, and for a moment Kanda thought that Lavi had noticed his discomfort. However, Lavi's attention quickly returned to the ferry. "Well, we better get going then. We've got a long way ahead of us."

Kanda nodded.

Yeah. They did. 

* * *

"Wiselyyyyy," Road called. "Wisely, help me with my homework!"

There was no immediate answer. As Road entered the large room, she quickly spotted just who she was looking for. At the long, rectangular table was the two twins Jasdero and Devit who looked like they were playing some kind of a board game. Her main target, Wisely, was also present (though he sat a bit away looking quite bored). Actually, if anything, he looked slightly annoyed.

Road didn't care. She approached Wisely immediately, slamming her large textbook onto the table. "Hey! I need help with my arithmetic."

Wisely's attention flickered to Road. "Isn't the point of homework to do it yourself?" Wisely asked, with cool disinterest. "I don't see how you'll ever learn anything otherwise."

Road rolled her eyes. "Of course I'll _learn_ ," She countered. "I'll simply learn by watching you do it."

Wisely looked at Road flatly. "I highly doubt that's how it's supposed to work."

Jasdero's shrill laughter pierced through the air, causing Wisely to bite back a grimace.

"Besides," Wisely spoke, teeth slightly gritted. "I couldn't _possibly_ focus with those idiots right there."

Road's molten-colored eyes flitted over to where the twins were, before back to Wisely. She sighed dramatically. "Well _fine_ then," She muttered. Road placed her hand on her hip as she glanced around the room, before moving her attention back to Wisely. "Where's Tyki? I know _he'll_ actually be helpful. Unlike you."

Wisely frowned slightly, before closing his eyes as he pressed his fingers to his head, massaging his scalp slightly. "I don't know," He sighed.

"What do you mean you don't know? He was here earlier!"

"Ugh, don't _screech_. You have such an annoying voice sometimes," Wisely snapped,.

Road pouted, but when Wisely saw she wasn't speaking he continued. "The Millennium Earl sent him to do something. I don't know what."

"Aw, Tyki _always_ gets to have all the fun," Road complained. Curiosity formulated in her expression as she leaned with her back against the table. "Do you know where he went?"

Wisely shrugged. "No idea. I didn't pay much attention."

Road rolled her eyes. "Wonderful," She bit back sarcastically, before taking her book back with her. "I'm going to find Lero. _He'll_ do my homework for me."

Wisely didn't spare her another glance. "I'm sure he will." 

* * *

It was crowded where Tyki was. Lots of people. Lots of voices. For some people, the city might have been overwhelming with its smells and noises. Tyki didn't mind though – he frequented cities so much that he had long since grown used to the environment. If anything, Tyki found himself fond of the at times chaotic environment. Things were always a little interesting, and something was always happening.

 _'Never a dull moment,'_ Tyki mused, as he saw two people get into some kind of argument not too far away. No. Never a dull moment _at all_.

Of course, Tyki wasn't just in the city to play around. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a playing card, of which had something written on it.

 _"That name on the card is who I want you to find," The Millenium Earl explained. "Though it may be tricky. He's been sneaking around for quite a while."_

Tyki looked at the name, then back at the Earl. "Alright," He responded. "Though I must ask, is there a reason you're having me look into him now?"

The Earl paused as Tyki looked at him with intrigue. "I might have finally narrowed it down to where he could possibly be," The Earl explained. "If you find him or where he went, it might lead you to that mirror. I want it back still. Even if it's just one piece you find – I can still use it."

Tyki nodded, and slipped the card into his pocket. "Will do," He said, before smiling. "I'm sure it'll be quite fun. Hide and seek is such an

entertaining _game."_

It would be entertaining for sure. Tyki always had enjoyed those tasks of seeking – it made things exciting, and gave him something to do. Plus, it was an excuse to play the role of human from time to time.

 _'Now, where will you be hiding…'_ Tyki thought, as he started walking through the crowd.

With how busy it was, it was hard not to occasionally bump into someone else. For the most part, people didn't really stop to apologize though, and were quick to carry on with their business. A few feet away from Tyki, two other individuals were doing just that.

Lavi snaked through the crowd, with Kanda right behind him. "I'm pretty sure I heard someone say a boat was leaving to Denmark from here," Lavi commented, as he glanced back at Kanda. "If we hurry we can probably catch it."

Kanda nodded, and swiftly followed behind Lavi. Catching that boat would save them quite a bit of travel time, so he wasn't opposed to rushing if it meant being able to catch it.

It was frustrating trying to get through the crowd though, since the throng of people inevitably slowed their movement. Kanda struggled to keep his impatience to a minimum. _'Damn crowds-'_

His thought was interrupted as he caught sight of someone. Dark hair, and a familiar cloak – Kanda immediately stiffened, but the person had disappeared within the blink of an eye.

Lavi skidded to a halt a few feet away from Kanda when he saw the other exorcist had stopped. "Kanda, what'd you stop for?" Lavi called to him. "We need to get going!"

Lavi's words got Kanda's attention, though he still found himself hesitant to leave. But, they had a boat to catch, and Kanda didn't have much time.

Without looking back, Kanda continued, leaving the area with Lavi. 

* * *

**A/N:** BET YOU GUYS THOUGHT THIS FIC WAS DEAD, HUH? Actually, I did too for a while, and I hate myself for how long this took. I hate myself even more for the fact that after an almost four month hiatus I came back with a damn TRANSITIONAL chapter. ;_; It's short, and I'm rusty, but I mean, a short update is better than no update, yeah? XD

Anyways, time for a monster note.

This hiatus came a bit unexpectedly, because my life got really chaotic (again). For those of you who don't really follow me on Tumblr, I ended up finding out mid-September I'd be able to move and leave the state I was in so I could move to the state I WANTED to go to (which is alllllllllll the way across the US - so a good 2300 miles of driving). So on a total whim I quit my old job, got rid of most of my things, and moved early October where I was staying somewhere temporarily until I could get my own place. Then, I had to move again before October was up because I found a place WAY more quickly than I planned. After that, the next month was me focusing on getting a job - which I finally managed to get one the end of November. SO. Lots of things happened, and it made it really hard to write. Especially with this fic - there's a lot of little plot details that tend to get complicated and tricky to keep track of, so I had to really go back through what I'd written and plotted to get my head back on straight.

I will admit that I /did/ get very discouraged at one point with this fic, because I felt like it wasn't doing well and just wasn't working. But everyone can thank the amazing anon (YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE XD) who reached out to me not too long ago and has since gotten me fired back up about getting this fic finished. So yes. Everyone who is still reading this and glad for an update better give a bunch of cookies to this person for actually letting me know they were still reading it. XD Also, a special shoutout to Suckmyinnuendo for helping keep me accountable to get this chapter out! (I love you, and your art btw. You know that because I always gush about it but I'm saying it again. XD)

So, about the chapter. It's the shortest chapter I've posted yet, transitional, and boring. (For me anyways - it was boring to write, and we don't get any Alma here.) But, it was actually sort of necessary to set up for the rest of the chapters - which are about to start snowballing, so you guys are getting a warning now. (The next chapter I have planned is one I've been wanting to get to for a while, so I am relieved to finally be there writing-wise.) We've got Kanda and Lavi FINALLY going somewhere (thank god, they needed to leave that damn European Branch), and the Noah made a little appearance with Tyki on a little mission for the Earl. Who is he looking for, I wonder? Dun dun dunnnnnn.

Anyways, I am sorry for the delay, and the REALLY short chapter. But, at least I got it out before 2018. My resolution will be to finish this fic. XD

As always, feedback is welcome! Happy (belated) holidays to everyone as well!

(ALSO: For people on FF in particular, after this fic I will no longer be posting my work to this site and only to AO3. I've already stopped posting short fics here, so for more you can find me under TheFairieQueen on AO3.)


	22. Trapped and Ensnared

**Lotus in the Snow (Snow Queen AU)**

 **Chapter Twenty One**  
 _Trapped and Ensnared_

"Hey. Don't do anything reckless for the next few hours."

Alma looked up from the mirror, tail flickering behind him in slight agitation. He had been making fairly good progress, and wasn't pleased to be interrupted. A solid two-thirds of the mirror was finally pieced back together, and Alma was eager to just get the damn thing _finished_.

Alma turned away from Mahoja. "I'm not. You don't have to keep reminding me," He responded icily.

Mahoja kept her expression neutral. She noticed that the blue of Alma's irises had significantly lightened in the past few days, and over time more akuma-like markings had started to appear over Alma's skin. Mahoja never commented on this though; she had no doubts that Alma was aware of it already, and didn't need it pointed out.

Mahoja sighed. "I just want to make sure," She expressed. Mahoja didn't leave immediately though, and for a few seconds watched Alma as he went back to work. An afterthought passing through her mind, Mahoja spoke again. "Alma," She started, though she paused as if waiting for a response.

Still working, Alma didn't give any indication that he had heard her. Mahoja frowned. "Alma!"

Alma whipped his head around. " _What_?" He snapped, his eyes flashing light two gleaming shards of ice.

Mahoja appeared slightly taken aback, though she wasn't certain as to whether it was from the fact that she had received a response at all, or that Alma had come off so aggressively through one word.

Relaxing a little when she saw Alma wasn't moving or anything, but rather waiting for her to speak, Mahoja shook her head. "It's nothing," She finally spoke, voice soft and weary. She looked back at Alma coolly. "Just keep working."

* * *

A ragged breath escaped Anita. Trembling, she clutched at the sheets of the bed, which were glazed with glistening frost. Her hands were starkly white against the silvery iridescence, and appeared frail and horribly delicate. Long, inky hair contrasted violently against the iced over hues, concealing her face which was contorted into a pained grimace. _'I can't…'_

There was a knock on the door, but Anita couldn't bring herself to even speak. She couldn't even move.

The door opened, where Mahoja entered. Upon seeing Anita her eyes widened, and she quickly rushed over to the bedside, where she knelt beside where Anita sat. "Mistress," Mahoja spoke, her voice low but urgent. "Mistress, what is it?"

Anita didn't answer, and Mahoja could feel herself beginning to panic. Without a second thought she took Anita's hand, and pulled up the sleeve. Spreading down the forearm was a layer of ice, thick and slightly foggy in clarity. It had almost reached to Anita's wrist.

Mahoja sucked in a breath, and cursed lowly to herself.

Anita's eyes shifted to Mahoja, and she tried to move. "Mahoja-"

Gently, Mahoja pushed Anita back a little, so she remained seated. "Don't move," Mahoja instructed quietly. Her expression was somber, and her eyes lowered as a weight seemed to hang on her shoulders. "It's getting worse."

Eyes melancholy, Anita said nothing, but turned her gaze away from Mahoja.

Mahoja felt her heart twist. It was hard for her to see her mistress this way – her mistress wasn't _meant_ to be this way. A sharp bitterness clenched at Mahoja's insides as she clenched her jaw.

"Mahoja."

Mahoja looked up. Anita was still averting her gaze, but continued. "Let him know when you see him. He needs to know."

Mahoja's expression darkened, and she exhaled. "Mistress-"

"Mahoja, _tell him._ "

The words were resolute, and Mahoja knew it was a command. Unable to refuse Anita, Mahoja nodded. "I will."

* * *

The air was icy in Norway. Cold and almost painfully crisp, it felt as though one might be breathing ice, particularly on frigid days such as this one. Kanda's expression was one of displeasure as he tried not to focus on the annoyingly low temperature, and reminded himself silently that once he and Lavi were further inland that it shouldn't be _as_ cold. Having just gotten off the ferry from Denmark, the two of them were still in the harbor area where the breeze off the water seemed to create even more of a chill.

Briskly, Kanda walked, wanting to get as far away from the port as possible.

Not far behind him Lavi walked, trying to keep up. "Gee, Kanda, slow down! It's not like we have another boat to catch," Lavi expressed as he finally caught up to Kanda. Finally walking beside him, Lavi continued, "Seriously, I almost thought you were trying to _leave_ me or something."

Stopping, Kanda rolled his eyes. "Somehow I don't think even that would have stopped you…" He mumbled.

Lavi placed a hand over his heart. "Kanda, you wound me. Here I was thinking we were finally building a nice, solid relationship."

Kanda snorted. "I don't think so," He stated flatly.

"Such a heartbreaker," Lavi lamented, earning a sharp glare from Kanda. He ignored it. "Anyways, we should probably stock up on a few things before we head out of town."

Kanda wanted to groan. "Is it _really_ necessary you had to follow me?"

Lavi sighed. "Kanda, Kanda, Kanda," He spoke, shaking his head. "I've already _told_ you – I'm not following you. I just happen to be going in the dame direction as you for my assignment, and it makes sense for us to travel together. Two exorcists are better than one!"

"Tch," Kanda scoffed. He actually had already heard Lavi's explanation before about Lavi being given this "assignment" and arguably, it did made sense. Lavi had apparently been asked to investigate more of what the finders had been looking too – which just happened to be in the same area Kanda was going to.

It was annoyingly _convenient_.

"What is it you have to look for?" Kanda dully asked as the two headed more into town. "You said something last time about some general…"

Lavi nodded. "Yeah," He said, his voice gaining a slightly more serious tone to it. "General Cross. He went MIA a while ago…."

Kanda's eyes flickered over to Lavi, and he watched carefully. He noticed that the playful gleam that so often danced the one eye Lavi kept revealed was gone, and his lips were pressed into pensive line. Kanda could feel himself frowning slightly as well – it was always a strange thing to see Lavi look so….serious. More often than not the Bookman would be irritatingly energetic – so seeing Lavi in this state was just odd.

Lavi continued speaking. "No one is sure what happened to him. But the Order's been trying to track him for a while. At some point they speculated he could be in some part of Norway, and that was one of the reasons Kie and Maosa went to scout the area."

 _'Then they saw those akuma…'_ Kanda thought, though he didn't voice this thought out loud. Instead, he asked about something else. "Any idea why he disappeared? Maybe he just left," Kanda suggested with a hint of distaste.

A startlingly sharp look was sent in Kanda's direction, and Lavi eyed his astutely. "I think by now you'd have realized people don't just _leave_ the Order. It'd be good for you to remember that," Lavi spoke, a warning edge in his voice.

The words grated on Kanda's ears like nails on a chalkboard. He felt his shoulders tense a little, and he made sure to look straight ahead so as not to risk looking Lavi in the eye. He didn't appreciate the bitter reminder Lavi was giving him – the bitter reminder that Kanda was to return to the Order eventually, and work for them. _'I don't need a fucking reminder…'_ He thought darkly.

If Lavi noticed Kanda's reaction, he didn't comment on it. "Anyways, Cross disappeared while on an assignment," Lavi continued to explain. "It was a pretty important one apparently, but he just fell off the grid without any warning. No one's seen him in years."

With the conversation having shifted a little, Kanda moved his eyes in Lavi's direction. "How does the Order know he isn't dead?" Kanda asked, rather bluntly. "If no one's heard from him in years-"

Lavi held up a finger. "Ah, ah, ah. I said no one's _seen_ him in years," Lavi pointed out, before lowering his hand. "But…there was a letter. It had Cross's seal on it."

Kanda raised an eyebrow. "What did it say?"

"It was just a list of some areas that had been cleared of akuma activity for the time being. But the areas were all over the place, and there was no dates as to which places were cleared when," Lavi said. "So it hasn't been easy to figure out where he can be, and to be honest I don't know how the Order started to speculate this area."

Kanda scowled. The whole thing seemed…strange. It was odd to begin with that this general had just up and disappeared, and even more so that this weird letter came out of the blue. With how Lavi was describing it, it almost sounded as though this Cross guy didn't _want_ to be found. Not that Kanda could say he would have blamed the guy, based off of how his own experience with the Order had been thus far.

Still. Something was off, and for whatever reason it wasn't sitting well with Kanda.

"Why do you think he disappeared?" Kanda asked.

Lavi glanced at Kanda, and shrugged. "Beats me," He answered. "I never had the pleasure of meeting Cross, but I think it has to do with the assignment he was on. It wasn't ever officially considered complete."

Before Kanda could think to ask for any further detail, Lavi spoke up. "So, I'm thinking we should get some supplies. Not sure how many towns we'll be going through once we leave here."

Kanda nodded, unable to disagree with Lavi's claim. Depending on where they ended up and what route they took, it would have been wiser to make sure they were prepared for such an excursion – especially this far into winter.

God, how much time had passed since Kanda left to find Alma? The days had blended together for Kanda, and he had barely been able to keep track of what month they were in – which was now into February. Close to two months of searching.

The realization made Kanda nauseous. Two months of searching basically translated to two months of Alma being…who knew where. Kanda couldn't even _fathom_ where Alma was at this point, or what could have happened to him. He just only hoped that Alma was…okay. Shit, Kanda would never be able to live with himself if Alma wasn't okay.

"Yuuuuuuu," Lavi sung, as he waved his hand in front of Kanda's face.

Snapping out of his thoughts, Kanda slapped Lavi's hand away with a ferocious glare. "I said don't _call_ me that," He growled, completely put off by Lavi's hand having been _way_ too close to his face.

"What? You weren't responding to anything, and you don't usually zone out that much,"Lavi pointed out before motioning to a store down the street. "Anyways, there's a general store I just spotted. We can get some things there."

Kanda followed Lavi over to the building, which was small and ordinary in its appearance. Inside, there were not a lot of people either. There were two other people picking up some things, but aside from that the only other person present was the shopkeeper up at the front counter.

Lavi gave a small courtesy wave to the shopkeeper as they entered, who returned the wave half-heartedly. He was a gruff-looking man, with a bear-like build and thick beard, and didn't seem to be at all the talkative type. Instead, he remained quiet and continued to focus on cleaning the front counter until the two other people in the shop were ready to check out, taking the shopkeeper's attention.

While collecting any supplies, Lavi was momentarily distracted by several maps that were out. As he flipped through them, Kanda took noticed and frowned. "I thought you had a map," Kanda pointed out, uncertain as to why Lavi was wasting his time on looking at another map.

Still looking at the map, Lavi answered Kanda. "Yeah, but I don't have a local one," He pointed out, before turning the map so Kanda could see it. Lavi grinned and pointed to one route that cut through some forests. "See? This one has more details about some of the shortcuts we can take. It'd save us a lot of time, wouldn't you think?"

There was a grin on Lavi's face that was somewhat smug, which aggravated Kanda. Even though the idea _was_ smart, Kanda found himself childishly unwilling to admit so outloud. He rolled his eyes. "Whatever works," Kanda mumbled.

Both exorcists finished up gathering what they needed before going to the counter. The shopkeeper paused when he saw the supplies, as well as the map. He eyed Lavi and Kanda warily. "You two taking a trip somewhere?"

Lavi, designating himself as spokesman, just smiled amiably. "Just some traveling up north. Wanted to make sure we were prepared."

The shopkeeper frowned, then looked at the map. He laid it out on the counter, then pointed to one road marked on it. "If you're going north, take this route. It'll be the best one."

Kanda, who had been standing a bit behind Lavi, leaned forward to glance at the map. Arms crossed, he frowned when he saw the route the man was pointing to. "Why that one?" Kanda questioned, as his brow furrowed. "It's twice as long as the other road leading north."

What Kanda said was true: the route that the shopkeeper had pointed out was far longer than the one Lavi had initially shown to Kanda. And hadn't the point of getting this map been for Lavi and Kanda to know where all the shortcuts were?

Lavi also seemed a bit surprised by this, and looked at the shopkeeper curiously. "Yeah, why not the shortcut? Not that we wouldn't mind the lovely winter scenery, but we are trying to get somewhere."

The shopkeeper had a pensive look on his face, causing his roughened appearance to look even more severe. "No one takes that shortcut anymore," He responded. "People used to, but then travelers starting talking about these attacks that would happen. People would get so shaken that they'd just leave anything they were traveling with to get away."

Intrigue filled Lavi's gaze. "They ever describe what the attackers looked like?"

Kanda's eyes flickered over to Lavi, knowing perfectly well what Lavi was really getting at. _'He's trying to find out if they were akuma,'_ Kanda realized, though he honestly had been wondering the same thing. Expectantly, Kanda looked back to the shopkeeper, waiting for his answer.

The shopkeeper shook his head. "Afraid not. But I really wouldn't recommend you two going to find out. You'd be a couple of fools to chance it in this weather."

Annoyance crossed Kanda's features, and he was unable to refrain from shooting a cool look in the shopkeeper's direction. "We'll be fine," Kanda clipped.

"Especially with that advice you just gave us," Lavi added, quick to evade any kind of friction.

If the shopkeeper noticed Kanda's more negative reaction, he didn't make note of it. "Whatever you two decide. Just don't say I didn't warn you."

As soon as Lavi and Kanda paid for their items, the two exorcists left the general store. Lavi looked at Kanda as soon as they were outside. "You _really_ need to work on your social skills."

Kanda decided to ignore the recommendation, as irritating as it was. But, his mind naturally lingered on what all the shopkeeper had said regarding the shortcut. A pensive look was on Kanda's face, and he looked at Lavi. "You think it's an akuma?"

Lavi's expression sobered. "Sounds like it could be," He agreed. Lavi pulled the map back out to look at it. "And I mean, it _is_ on the way. No reason for us to ignore our jobs as exorcists."

There was a distasteful look in Kanda's eyes as Lavi said this. He didn't particularly _like_ how Lavi had lumped himself and Kanda together. While it was true that they were both exorcists, it more or less acted as a reminder that Kanda was tied to the Order now, and after a year would have to return. Then there was also the fact that even with there being something to investigate on their way north, it was still going to take time away from Kanda's own mission.

That was something Kanda _really_ didn't like.

Kanda couldn't walk away from this without checking things out though. Exhaling, he spoke. "Let's hurry and see what it is then."

* * *

The woods were dark, with the trees densely compacted and tall. Snow and frost laced the branches, which snaked out into the woods' canopy as it blocked too much light from entering. There were hardly any signs of life in the woods, and even the old road that had once been trekked was now covered with snow, and devoid of any traces of activity.

Kanda looked around as he and Lavi walked along. They had started on the shortcut through the woods not even an hour ago, but had yet to see anything unusual. There had been no akuma or signs of anyone else, and Kanda couldn't help but question whether or not there had been anything to look into in the first place. Still, he kept his guard up, and Mugen close in case he needed to unsheathe the weapon.

Lavi equally appeared conscientious of their surroundings, but still retained his inclination to make up for the silence. "Doesn't look like anyone's been through here in a while…I'm wondering if there's anything here _period_."

"Don't get your hopes up yet," Kanda murmured, not willing to entirely accept they were in the clear until he and Lavi were through the woods completely.

"I'm not. This place is kinda eerie though, wouldn't you say?"

Kanda didn't respond. He had stopped walking though, and had turned his attention off to the side.

Lavi blinked. "Um, Kanda?"

"I thought I heard something," Kanda responded, voice low. He still kept his attention off to the side, where he almost could have _sworn_ he'd heard something. His body felt tense, and his hand was twitchy as he itched toward pulling out Mugen.

However, a few moments of silence passed, and Kanda started to relax a little. Taking a small breath, Kanda turned back to the road. "It was probably nothing-"

There was a sudden blast, and Kanda and Lavi both jumped out of the way. Two akuma, both level one, appeared from behind the trees. Their bulbous, ugly forms hovered in the air as they prepared to launch another attack.

"You jinxed us, Kanda – innocence, activate!"

As Lavi activated his anti-akuma weapon, Kanda did the same. "Mugen, unsheathe!"

Kanda had pulled out Mugen just in time to block one of the akuma's attacks. As Kanda moved, he noticed one more how _light_ his sword seemed to feel. Kanda's thoughts didn't remain on that detail for long though, as he was quick to take advantage of how close in proximity the akuma was, and sliced right through it, destroying the akuma completely.

In his peripheral vision, Kanda could see where Lavi had made an attack as well. He turned just in time to see the akuma Lavi had taken on dissolving as well, signifying its destruction.

Retracting his hammer, Lavi leaned it over it shoulder. "Those were some pretty weak level ones…." He observed, before turning to Kanda. "You think there's more?"

Kanda turned to the akuma's remains, which were beginning to smoke a little with fumes. "Possibly. We need to keep going."

Lavi didn't argue, and the two of them continued down the road. Both made an effort to stay alert, with each periodically looking off in different directions to make sure there was no ambush on the way.

This continued for about another ten minutes, before Lavi spoke. "It _really_ is quiet in here…"

"Yeah. Keep it that way so we can hear anything," Kanda grumbled as he continued to keep his ears open for anything that could signify the presence of an akuma.

Lavi glanced to the side. "Does…it feel like we're being watched to you?"

Kanda frowned, and moved his gaze to Lavi. Kanda hadn't _noticed_ feeling like they were being watched, but….now that Lavi brought it up there was that small tickle at the back of his neck. Kanda wasn't certain if this was a trick of the mind though, and questioned Lavi. "You think we are?"

Lavi looked around suspiciously as they walked. "I don't know. Something feels really weird around here-AH!"

There was a loud snapping noise, and before Kanda knew what was going on he felt himself getting flipped upwards. He cursed, as he and Lavi were both hoisted up into what he realized was a _net_.

"What the _fuck_!?" Kanda cursed, as he tried to move. However, the net made it difficult to maneuver in as he attempted to reach for Mugen.

Lavi, who was also struggling and looked as though he was pretty tangled into the net, saw what Kanda was trying to do. "Hey, don't poke my eye out or anything!"

Kanda growled. "I'm _not_ , but I'm going to cut us fucking _out_!"

Lavi's eyes widened. "W-Wait! What if you accidentally stab yourself when we fall? What if you accidentally stab _me_!?"

Kanda glared daggers at Lavi. "How else are we supposed to get down!?"

"Not like _that_!"

Kanda fumed. "Tch. This is _bullshit_ ," He hissed under his breath, before still trying to figure out a way to unsheathe Mugen. However, Lavi was right – the blade's length and the way in which Kanda and Lavi were entangled _did_ make it hard to pull out.

Kanda huffed. A net. A fucking _net_ had snared them. God, this pissed him off.

Lavi reached up, trying to grasp at where the net had knotted. "Okay, maybe I can see what's going on here…"

Before Lavi could do anything more, there was once more a _snap_ , and the net unexpectedly fell to the ground. Kanda grunted, having landed on his side, but tried to get up, seeking a way out of the net. But, before he could make any headway Kanda suddenly felt something sharp press against his upper back. He immediately froze.

"Don't move, or I'll shoot you right through the back," A low voice threatened.

Kanda clenched his teeth as he felt the sharpness press further against him – it felt like the tip of some kind of crossbow. His eyes briefly moved over to look at Lavi, who Kanda also had a crossbow pointed against his back. _'Shit,'_ Kanda thought, knowing that innocence or not, neither of them could move without getting shot right there.

The assailant who was holding the crossbow against Kanda spoke again. "Now when we cut you out, you both are going to hold perfectly still while we search you for any valuables. This can be a painless process if you cooperate."

Oh, great. Bandits. They had to deal with _bandits_ now.

Lavi laughed nervously. "What? Man, I gotta tell you, my friend and I here are pretty broke. I mean, even _homeless_ people ignore us – hey!"

The bandit who was keeping watch of Lavi pressed the tip more firmly against Lavi, shutting him up. Lavi glanced over at Kanda briefly, and the two made eye contact – though neither seemed to be quite sure what to do other than to hold still.

While the two bandits were making sure that Kanda and Lavi wouldn't move, several other bandits emerged from behind the trees. Two came over, cutting the net that had ensnared them. However, the bandits were careful not to cut too much so they could start by searching and removing any supplies Kanda and Lavi head.

Kanda clenched his teeth, absolutely _livid_ that he had ended up in this situation. Had there not been a crossbow pointed at his back, the bandit who was now searching him would already be _dead_.

The bandit searching Kanda had taken most of the supplies Kanda had on him, and stopped when he found the lotus pin Kanda had been keeping. He tossed it to another bandit. "Here's some silver for ya."

Kanda seethed. _'Damn_ bastards _!'_

"This one's got some silver on him too," The bandit searching Lavi added, having taken Lavi's rose cross. He paused, when he found Lavi's hammer. "Not sure what this thing is for, but it'll be useful."

Lavi's eyes widened. "Wait, you can't take that!"

A bandit scoffed. "We can take whatever we want, kid."

Kanda felt one of the bandits reach for Mugen, and that caused him to snap. "Don't _fucking_ touch that!" He snarled, nearly forgetting he had a weapon still pressed against him.

"Ohhh, aren't you scary?" One of the bandits taunted. "Well, fine. Maybe we'll just let you keep your sword since you won't be left with anything else. Though the craftsmanship is pretty nice…"

At this, Kanda felt his assailant pull back the crossbow. It wasn't a lot, but just enough that he could move. Swiftly, Kanda turned, pulling out Mugen before he swung to knock the crossbow out of the bandit's hold. Chaos suddenly erupted as Kanda then kicked the bandit in the shin, causing the bandit to lose his balance. Lavi followed suit, also taking advantage of the chaos, and was able to roll out of the way just as the other bandit tried to shoot him.

Kanda stood, readying himself to use Mugen. However, now that he and Lavi were out of the net he could see that they were more bandits – all of who were surrounding them. Several with more crossbows.

Lavi eyed Kanda. "Not that I doubt your swordsman skills, but those crossbows _might_ get to us before you can get to them."

Kanda didn't back down. Instead, he continued to glower at the bandit who had assaulted him first. "Give us back our things," Kanda threatened coldly.

The bandit raised an eyebrow, then his lips quirked into a smirk. "You really want your things, huh?" He asked. "Well, so do we. And I _really_ want that sword too."

Kanda scoffed. "The only way you're touching this sword is if it's me putting it through you."

Raising his hands in the air, the bandit chuckled. "Okay, okay. Don't want to piss you off," He spoke, those his words were in a tone that signified he really didn't _care_ if Kanda got angry.

The bandit eyed Kanda shrewdly. "Alright. So, how about we play for it all? Just a card game, and the winner takes all."

Kanda blinked, not having expected that. He then scowled. "Why should we trust you?"

"I'm a man of my word. Just win a round of poker and you guys can take your stuff back."

Lavi looked at the bandit suspiciously, then to Kanda. "Kanda, I don't know about this – do you even _know_ how to play poker?"

"What's not to know?" Kanda responded, somewhat in agitation. "It's a damn card game."

The truth was, Kanda _did_ know how to play – he had and Daisya had played occasionally, though Daisya had always been more into it whereas Kanda played out of boredom. But, it was just poker, right? Kanda played decently enough, and he wasn't terrible or anything.

Although, in the past Kanda had never gambled but…

The bandit grinned. "So it's a deal then?"

"Fine," Kanda snapped, having been pushed too far to even _think_ about backing down.

The bandit nodded, before turning to one of the other men. "Hey, go get that kid – he'll be good for this."

Kanda scowled. "You're not playing?"

"Nah, your opponent will be someone else," The bandit answered.

It was only seconds before another bandit appeared, this time with a teenager in tow. He was a lithe person, with pale skin and gray eyes. His hair was a shocking white though, that for a moment completely threw Kanda off. Additionally, the boy had a strange scar that traced down the left part of his eye and face. And through his bangs, Kanda thought he saw…

 _'Is that a pentacle…?'_ Kanda wondered, before his eyes narrowed at the boy.

"Hey, Allen," The bandit spoke, "You want to shorten your debt? Beat this punk at poker at we'll work something out."

Allen frowned a little. "I didn't agree to work off my debt this way," Allen pointed out coolly. "So I'd rather stay out of it."

Kanda was getting impatient. He was already sour enough over the fact that he and Lavi had even crossed paths with these bandits, and now this kid was delaying them even more? All Kanda had to do was win a stupid card game, and then he and Lavi could get a move on.

Lavi, who had taken notice of Kanda's agitated stance, whispered to him. "Don't do anything reckless, Kanda…"

"We don't have time for this," Kanda hissed back, before turning to where the bandit and this Allen kid were. "Look, we need to get a move on. So let me just play the damn beansprout already."

Allen's head whipped in Kanda's direction, mouth agape. "B-Beansprout!?" He exclaimed, clearly offended by the new nickname.

Lavi sighed. "This isn't going to go well…"

"What? He's a shrimp and a beansprout, so it's not like he's an actual threat," Kanda pointed out harshly as he threw a glance in Lavi's direction.

Allen glared, having not missed a single thing that Kanda said. "Alright, let's play then," Allen agreed. He clearly had gotten fired up from the insults, having quickly discarded his previous decision to not get involved in the whole ordeal.

The bandit laughed, before slapping Allen on the back. "Excellent! I need some entertainment!"

Kanda and Allen went to an area just off the path were there was a tree stump for them to use. Both remained silent, tensely glaring at each other with every opportunity they had.

As both players sat across from each other at the tree stump, Lavi leaned over Kanda's shoulder. "Hey, don't underestimate this guy – those bandits wanted him to play for a reason."

Kanda's eyes remained on Allen, but he processed Lavi's words. Again, Lavi had a point – the bandits wouldn't have just had anyone play Kanda, and Kanda was now even more suspicious of this Allen guy.

As Allen pulled out a card deck, Kanda spoke up. "I'll shuffle."

Allen paused, staring at Kanda. He at first looked as though he wanted to argue, but exhaled, and handed the deck to Kanda.

Kanda took the deck, and started to shuffle the cards. _'At least this way I'll know he's not cheating…'_ Kanda thought, having not about to let some random guy possibly rig the deck.

Once the cards were shuffled, Kanda placed the deck down on the tree stump and where he and Allen could draw their cards. One of the poor things about poker was that it did begin initially with chance, but after drawing their cards Kanda knew he could pass before showing his hand if he wanted to discard a card in order to draw another one.

Kanda looked at his hand. He was a bit surprised to see that he'd actually managed to draw a…really good hand. He of course made sure not to let this show on his face, but looking at what he'd drawn Kanda saw that he had managed to get a straight. The cards weren't all of the same house, but in consecutive numerical order ranging from five to nine.

 _'You're about to lose, beansprout,'_ Kanda thought, as his indigo eyes moved to where Allen was, who appeared to be looking at his cards with contemplation. Considering Kanda had lucked out this much with his hand, he wasn't about to pass and risk weakening his hand by replacing any of the cards. The chances that this kid would have been fortunate enough to draw something stronger would have been _slim_. And Kanda hadn't seen the kid do anything strange or unusual, so it wasn't like he could have cheated, right?

Allen's gray eyes met Kanda's, expression now neutral. "You want to pass or call?" He asked carefully.

Kanda tried to read Allen's expression. He couldn't tell if Allen was more worried or calm, and with annoyance Kanda realized the kid had an obnoxiously decent poker face. Kanda also attempted to keep his expression one of composure, his confidence carefully hidden away.

"Call," Kanda responded, before putting his cards down.

Lavi leaned over Kanda's shoulders. "Aw, nice going, Kanda!" Lavi beamed excitedly upon seeing the strong combination.

Allen glanced at Kanda's cards, expression still unreadable. Then, with the absolutely _sweetest_ smile, he laid down his cards. "Call!"

The hand was a straight flush.

Kanda's face turned to one of shock, and Lavi's mouth fell open. "H-He had a straight flush!" Lavi gaped, unable to fathom just _how_ Allen had even managed to draw that combination.

Allen crossed his arms, face smug. "Looks like you just got beaten by a _beansprout_ ," He commented, clearing throwing Kanda's insult back at him.

Kanda could have decked the smug look off of Allen's face right there. "There's no _way_ -" He started, but was cut off as he was suddenly grabbed from behind by two of the bandits, one of who quickly took Kanda's sword. Kanda cursed. "I swear I'll _kill_ you for taking that-!"

Lavi had made a motion to move, but was quickly taken by force as well. One bandit grabbed him from behind, while another once more pointed a crossbow at him.

"Come on, guys, I thought we were passed this!" Lavi argued, eying the crossbow point anxiously.

The bandit who had initially pitched the poker idea spoke up. "I did say winner took all, didn't I? That includes you two," He stated, before turning to the other bandits. "Take them back to camp, and we'll figure out what to do with them when we get there."

Kanda still struggled, but realized that the attempt was in vain. With one person hold him, he probably could have broken free – but with _two_ bandits it was more of a challenge. And now the bandits had both his innocence, _and_ Lavi's.

Maybe they should have listened to the shopkeeper after all, and avoided the shortcut all together.

* * *

Darkness fell early, with the winter sky blanketing the earth. White snow, pristine and pure, seemed to reflect the moonlight in a gentle illumination. Stars were also visible, peering through inky black – it was a sight that was ethereal, and could have easily been referred to as romantic even.

Mahoja didn't have time to focus on scenery though.

She remained still in the darkness, hidden from sight as she remained by the edge of the trees. Her eyes carefully watched, waiting for the sign she was supposed to look out for.

Then, a light. Small and glowing, it could have easily been missed by the ordinary human eye as it only flickered for a second before extinguishing. However, Mahoja's sight was far keener than a normal person's which allowed her to pinpoint the location just before the light disappeared. Stealthily, she went in the direction the light had been, skillfully navigating through the trees before she ended up in her targeted location: another are where the forest reached an edge, just before it dispersed into a snowy terrain.

Leaning against one of the trees was a man. He was tall, and dressed in a long black coat that was trimmed with gold. His hair was long, and the color of vibrant red leaves found in autumn; it contrasted sharply with the black hat he wore. A half mask of white covered the right side of his face, and a cigarette hung from his lips.

The man didn't look up when Mahoja arrived, but took notice of her appearance nevertheless. "Well?" He asked.

Mahoja's expression was hard. "We have all the pieces. The most recent akuma made from one of the shards was pierced in the eye, so he's been able to put most of the mirror back together," She spoke. "It shouldn't take him long to finish it what's left."

"Hn," The man grunted, before taking a drag of the cigarette. He exhaled. "How is she?"

Jaw tightening, Mahoja sent an icy look in the man's direction. "She's not lasting," Mahoja responded tersely. "If the dark matter doesn't take her, then the ice will. She's almost frozen herself solid to stop it."

There was no response for a moment. A heavy silence seemed to hang in the air, and the tension was thick.

The man spoke. "It's good you've made progress. It'd be a waste for it all to have been in vain," He commented, before putting out his cigarette. Discarding it into the snow, he turned to leave.

Mahoja clenched her fist. "Don't think I'm not holding you responsible for this, _Cross_ ," She accused coldly. "My master has suffered because of you these past few years."

Cross stopped, but didn't turn back toward Mahoja. The tension remained in the air, but Cross only sighed. "I know."

 _'I know…'_

* * *

Alma had stopped working on the mirror. It wasn't finished, though it was close – but god, Alma needed a _break_. Even with the amount of progress he had made, Alma couldn't say he felt any kind of satisfaction and more than anything was just aggravated and restless. He felt trapped and confined, and just _stuck_.

Sitting cross-legged, Alma looked around the room. Mahoja had been gone a while now, and Alma hadn't seen _any_ signs of Mahoja's master, Anita. Alma almost wondered if he was alone. Everything was so… _silent._

 _'I can't take this anymore,'_ Alma thought, unable to stand being left in the icy chamber for much longer. Standing, Alma left the remaining pile of mirror shards next to where he'd left his clothes – since shifting more into an _akuma_ (whatever that was – Alma still didn't understand it completely), Alma had found he no longer needed his clothing to keep warm, and they weren't even comfortable anymore – they were just suffocating, like everything else seemed to be.

Silently, Alma exited the icy chamber where he then entered into the hallway-like cavern. Like the last time he had been through there, the ice glittered and illuminated light making it easy for Alma to see. He paused briefly to make sure no one was around, and once he was certain he was alone Alma started to walk through the cavern, looking for the opening that led outside. _'I just need to get out of here at least for a bit…'_

Once Alma had walked far enough, he soon spotted the opening in the cavern ceiling. Above, he could see that it was nightfall, with the dark sky peering through.

Taking one last look to make sure no one was coming, Alma quickly started to climb the cavern walls. It was shockingly easy – the appendages on Alma's hand made it easy to keep a grip on the cavern walls, and the coldness didn't affect Alma. Within just a few moments, Alma had reached the opening, and was able to crawl out and into the darkness.

Outside, Alma looked around. The terrain was covered in snow, and the area he was in was something of a vast clearing. There were woods in the distance, but they were farther away.

Alma looked up, and could see the moon hanging in the sky. He noticed how clear the stars looked. _'It wasn't clear like this….when…'_

Alma stopped. When what?

Frowning, Alma tried to think. He'd thought he was remembering _something_ – something about another night where it was snowy like this, but the sky was starless. However, his mind was drawing a blank. Alma just…couldn't remember what it was he'd been thinking about.

Taking a few steps forward, Alma stopped when he saw there were a few patches of ice peeking through the snow – likely a part of the cavern. _'Ice on the ground…'_

Then, Alma suddenly remembered. Ice. A frozen lake. Ice skating.

 _'That's right…I went ice skating…with someone…'_

Expression distant, Alma strained to recall that night. The details were foggy though, and he felt frustrated. Hadn't he thought about this memory not too long ago? Why was it so hard to remember now?

Why did it leave him feeling so _empty_?

Alma tried to focus. He tried to focus on the details, and on who it was he was with, but…

 _'I can't remember,'_ Alma realized. _'I can't remember who I was with…'_

For whatever reason, Alma felt as though a weight had been thrown against him. Even when he tried to visualize the memory, most of it was blank. He thought he could remember hints of the person's voice he was with, but aside from that…that was it. All Alma was left with was the shadow of an experience he couldn't recall, and the pain it had left him with.

And he hated that.

* * *

 **A/N:** Oh, hey, I didn't take four months to update this time! 8DDD

I feel better about this chapter than I did the last, probably because more happened and frankly I've had the whole "Kanda getting his ass whooped by Allen at poker" bit planned for a year now, and have been dying to write that part (I mean we all knew Allen was going to kick his ass the moment he got brought into it). The net snare was more a trope I just wanted to add because I love it (and I just was really amused doing that to Kanda and Lavi?), and it was the only way I could imagine two exorcists getting caught off guard enough to get taken on by a group of bandits. (Which, if you're familiar with the Snow Queen fairytale you'll see that this is pretty much parallel to the robber scene where Gerda is trapped while traveling through the woods and taken hostage by the robber and little robber girl.)

This is all good overall, because it means we're getting REALLY close to Kanda finding Alma. Finally.

Speaking of Alma, I was glad to bring him back into this chapter. He wasn't in the last one since the scenes with him fit better in this chapter, and you'll see this is the second time he's thought about the ice skating experience with Kanda - though now there's the issue of him not even remembering Kanda, signifying just how much the shard's impacted him (which is sort of referenced at the beginning when Mahoja calls Alma by his name - that wasn't her just trying to get his attention, but more that she's actually /checking/ to see how far gone Alma might be).

Then that brings us to Anita and Mahoja - who again, I just adore, and I feel for them in this AU. Their role in this is finally getting addressed, and it looks like Cross is now tied into this whole web as well (guys, I'm in over my head with these layers and plot points - my notes are crazy and I can barely keep track of them).

I know I'm kind of all over the place with these notes, but then again, this chapter was bit all over the place as well. It's progress though.

I did want to address the fact that the bandits were actually able to confiscate the anti-akuma weapons. Remember, Komui re-designed Kanda's sword so it is more stable, and Lavi's innocence is also stabilized. Since the innocence is synchronized with them, it reacts to them now - so, the bandits could never /use/ the anti-akuma weapons, but they are able to take them for that reason (also which is how Komui was able to handle and work on Kanda's innocence). I'm praying my logic makes sense here, and it is an AU, so just roll with me on this. XD

Hopefully you all enjoyed this update! I'll be doing my best to keep the writing going with this - this week will be hectic at my job, but I'm feeling more optimistic having gotten this chapter out more quickly. XD

As always, feedback is welcome! 3


	23. In and Out

**Lotus in the Snow (Snow Queen AU)  
** **  
Chapter Twenty-Two** **  
**

 _In and Out_

"I can play _poker,_ he said. My opponent is a _beansprout_ , he said," Lavi lamented, before sighing. "You have atrociously horrible judgment skills, you know that?"

Kanda twitched. "Shut up," He muttered, as he continued to fume quietly.

After the rather humiliating _loss_ Kanda (and technically Lavi) had experienced, both exorcists had been unwillingly dragged back to bandits' camp. Kanda had tried to keep his eye on where the bandits had taken their items and anti-akuma weapons – which eventually impossible, as the stolen items had been taken somewhere out of sight. As for Kanda and Lavi…they had been tied up. To a tree.

It was just one more degrading experience Kanda had had to ensure that evening.

Kanda tugged against the rope. It had been tied securely around the tree, while Kanda was on one side and Lavi on the other. Additionally, their hands had been tied as well to prevent the possibility of them in any way trying to undo the ropes – not that it would have been easy in the first place. Given the temperature outside, Kanda was finding his hands were starting to freeze even with gloves on.

"This is stupid," Kanda sneered quietly, when he once more realized any force he tried to use against the rope _wouldn't_ be useful. He turned his face to the side a bit, so he would be more audible to Lavi. "Can't you activate your innocence or something?"

From the other side of the tree, Lavi laughed dryly. "And do _what_?"

"I don't know! Make it extend or something so you can get it!"

Although Kanda couldn't see it, Lavi's expression was one of amusement. "Kanda, I'm pretty sure even if I _could_ activate it from all the way over here that someone would notice it extending," He explained, with an almost teasing tone. "Plus you may not be aware, but my hands are a _little_ tied up at the moment."

Kanda glared, as though he were just hoping the fierceness of it would reach Lavi. "Well, we can't stay here-"

"Yeah, I _know_ that," Lavi spoke. He actually was beginning to sound a bit exasperated as well, which was a slight shift from his usual, more laid-back demeanor. "But you _were_ the one who made an agreement with bandits…"

Immediately, Kanda could feel himself seethe. Oh, no. _No._ Lavi was _not_ about to pin this bullshit turn of events onto Kanda. "Do _not_ blame me for this!" Kanda hissed. "That beansprout had a damn straight flush! How was I supposed to know he'd pull that crap!?"

Lavi rolled his eyes. "Kanda, these are _bandits._ Did you _really_ think they would play fair and square with us on something like that?"

Kanda huffed, but didn't say anything. When Lavi put it like _that_ …well, Kanda really couldn't argue. In retrospect, Kanda's impulsiveness had been completely reckless and horribly thought through (not that Kanda had actually thought _anything_ through in that moment). Kanda wasn't sure what other action he could have taken, but now he and Lavi were stuck in one of the most aggravating situations ever.

 _'I really don't need this crap right now,'_ Kanda thought, wishing he could think of _some way_ to get out of this mess.

"Look…eventually it'll get late, and they're going to have to go to sleep right?" Lavi continued, with a somewhat optimistic edge to his voice. "Maybe we'll…think of something by then."

Kanda scoffed. "I'm pretty sure at least one of them will be awake still…though I'd _love_ to hear whatever idea you come up with," He responded sarcastically.

The sound of footsteps reached Kanda's ears, and he fell silent. _'One of them's coming over_ ,' He realized. Kanda's gaze shifted over to the direction the noise was coming from, and upon seeing who it was his stare instantly darkened

Great. The _beansprout._

As the boy walked closer (Allen? Was that his name? Who even _cared_?), Kanda could feel himself seethe. God, this little piece of shit was lucky Kanda was tied up and without Mugen, or he would have been in a _world_ of suffering.

Lavi had taken note of the beansprout's arrival as well. "Hey, it's the poker master," Lavi spoke amiably. "You come here to tell us we get a do-over with that game?"

"Sorry, I don't make those calls," Allen answered, his attention on Lavi before he dared to look in Kanda's direction. He was met with an fear-inducing glare that instantly caused him to put his attention _back_ onto Lavi.

Lavi looked at Allen curiously. "Oh? So what's the visit for?"

Allen nodded his head back in the direction of the other bandits, who were all around a campfire a bit away. "They sent me to check on you two," He replied.

"Tch. Aren't you guys considerate," Kanda bit back icily.

Allen appeared somewhat annoyed by Kanda's commentary, but didn't speak further on it. Instead, he pulled something out: something silver, and-

"This," Allen said, as he held up a silver rose cross – the one that had been taken from Lavi, "It's yours?"

Kanda frowned, not sure what other _game_ this prick was getting at, but Lavi spoke first.

"Yeah, that's mine," Lavi chimed, before smiling sweetly. "And you know, I _really_ need it back – plus all the other things you guys stole, you know?"

Kanda bit back a growl that threatened to spill out from his throat. Why was Lavi even wasting his time with this brat? "I really don't think the _beansprout_ is going to give our things back…"

Allen's gray eyes flashed in Kanda's direction irritably, having heard the nickname. "My name's _Allen_ ," He corrected, the distaste in his words evident. "And I wanted to ask about this. It really is yours?"

"That's what he said, unless you somehow missed it," Kanda grumbled.

Allen exhaled, but continued to try to ignore Kanda. He kept his focus on Lavi. "You're from the Order, aren't you?"

Hearing this, Kanda's thoughts halted, and he turned to look at Allen swiftly. His dark blue eyes held a glimmer of shock, as he had not expected this kid of all people to have known anything about the _Order_. _'What the hell-?'_

Lavi was equally caught off guard by the inquiry, although he recovered quickly enough that he was able to speak. He had sobered though, with the playful demeanor he had been wearing now discarded like a mask. "Depends on who's asking. Though if you're familiar with the Order you should be able to understand _why_ it'd be nice to untie us."

Kanda remained quiet, but continued to peer in Allen's direction, eyes untrusting.

Allen paused. "I do, though I didn't spot this until after you two had been tied up," He said, before putting the rose cross back into his pocket. He glanced back in the direction of where the other bandits were before turning back to Kanda and Lavi. "Listen, I can't stay long or else they'll notice I'm not just checking on you. But I'll come back when everyone's asleep."

Kanda's eyes narrowed. "Why?" He asked, not understanding what it was Allen was going for. One minute he was cheating them at poker and helping bandits, then the next he was bringing up the Order and saying he'd come back later? Kanda's head was spinning in confusion, and it was irritating the hell out of him.

Allen looked at Kanda. "I'm not here because I _want_ to be here," He stated firmly. "So I'll untie you guys…if you let me leave with you."

The proposal hung in the air for a moment, in addition to Kanda and Lavi's silence.

Kanda was the first to break it. "No _fucking_ way!" He objected, not sure where this beansprout had even developed the _nerve_ to suggest such a thing. "You're the reason we're stuck here in the first place!"

Allen looked at Kanda flatly. "Really? Because _I_ wasn't the one who lost a bet."

Oh, if looks could have killed – Allen would have been _destroyed_ by the look Kanda was giving him.

Lavi took this moment to intervene. He looked at Allen astutely. "How about you let us think about it?" Lavi suggested, before offering a small grin in Allen's direction. "Come back later when everyone's out, annnnd we'll let you know then."

Kanda turned his face back in Lavi's direction. "What the _hell_?" He hissed.

Allen nodded. "Fine," He agreed, before glancing one last time between Kanda and Lavi. "Just hang tight for now."

"Oh, trust me, we're not going anywhere," Lavi commented in a blend of sarcasm and good humor.

Kanda waited to speak, watching as Allen departed back toward where the other bandits were. As soon as he was out of earshot, Kanda immediately turned his attention back to Lavi. "Rabbit, what the _fuck_ are you thinking?"

Lavi sighed. "I'm _thinking_ we don't really have any other way to get untied," He said. "Unless you have a better idea…"

Kanda took a breath, calming himself. Again…Lavi had a point. Kanda was loathe to admit it, but the beansprout _would_ be helpful….sort of. Kanda then recalled what all else Allen had said, and spoke, words a bit less agitated. "He seemed to know the Order…any idea how?"

Lavi paused, then shook his head, despite the fact that Kanda wouldn't have been able to see. "No…but I think it would be in our best interests to find out," Lavi explained. "If he's willing to help us after learning about any affiliation we have to the Order, it's possible he's some kind of ally…"

Kanda frowned. He was hesitant to associate Allen with the word "ally" or anything too similar. In Kanda's mind, the beansprout was still a cheat. "You sure we can trust him?" Kanda asked, voice filled with skepticism.

Lavi shrugged. "No, but I don't really think it's good to trust anyone – especially when you first meet them," He answered casually. "It'd be good to get our anti-akuma weapons back though, wouldn't it? You have that little personal mission of yours to figure out if I recall."

As Lavi said these things, Kanda quieted. It was true – he really couldn't leave without Mugen, and…he didn't have time to be stuck anywhere. Every second wasted was a second lost, and Kanda _couldn't_ afford that.

And Alma couldn't afford it either.

 _'Alma…'_ Kanda thought, as Alma's face flashed through Kanda's mind. Alma's smile. Alma's laugh…

When Kanda didn't respond, Lavi broke the silence. His words were languid, yet imploring. "So, we're both in agreement we're going to let this Allen guy come with us?"

Kanda's expression was hard, but he didn't sneer. "Whatever."

"I'll take that as a yes then."

* * *

Being tied to a tree for god knows how many hours did no favors for Kanda – it was atrociously uncomfortable, and trying to sleep through the discomfort was out of the question. Kanda hadn't forgotten what the _beansprout_ had said earlier about coming back either, or what he had said about knowing the Order. It was an uncanny coincidence to say in the least, and Kanda couldn't help but find the Allen's presence oddly suspicious.

 _'How the hell could he even know about the Order?'_ Kanda wondered, not sure what Allen knew exactly. Surely the beansprout wasn't an exorcist – there was just no _way_ that plausible.

Taking a breath, Kanda listened. He could hear Lavi's soft breathing, almost inaudible, and wondered if perhaps Lavi had fallen asleep. "Hey," Kanda spoke lowly. "You awake over there?"

To Kanda's surprise, Lavi answered. "Oh yeah. There's a piece of tree bark poking my back and I'm not sleeping anytime soon with _that._ "

Kanda wasn't surprised. Between the icy dampness caused from the snow and the frosted edges on the tree, neither of them were likely to fall asleep unless they were physically knocked out by something.

Kanda looked over to the side, toward where the other bandits had been; he could see the fire had been extinguished. It had been out for a little while now, and the area was quiet. A small frown on his lips, Kanda turned his attention away from where the bandits were, and wondered if the beansprout actually _would_ bother to return.

As if somehow reading his thoughts, Lavi spoke. "I think our friend's coming back to say hi."

Blinking, Kanda turned back – sure enough, the beansprout was walking in their direction. With him, Kanda noticed Allen also had a bag.

"Glad you didn't forget about us," Lavi greeted amiably, before then looking in the camp's direction. "Though I hope none of your buddies come to join us…"

"They won't – the one keeping watch fell asleep. He's been doing that the past few nights," Allen explained, before dropping the bag onto the ground. "I got some of your things back – not everything, but it's the silver and supplies they took from you."

Kanda's gaze remained suspicious. He could see that Mugen was among one of the items that Allen had neglected, and was instantly perturbed. "Is there a reason you couldn't get my sword back?"

Allen looked at Kanda sharply. "You could at least sound a little more appreciative that I bothered to bring anything back at all," Allen spoke flatly. "Anyways, your sword is in Ruben's tent – he was the one you so _stupidly_ made that deal with."

Kanda's blood sizzled. God, the beansprout was lucky Kanda was tied up still.

Lavi looked at Allen with intrigue. "So, _are_ you going to untie us then? Because you know I stopped feeling my hands a good hour ago."

Allen shrugged. "Sure, if you help me with something first."

Kanda's eyes narrowed. "And what would _that_ be?"

Allen sighed, and looked at Kanda. "You want your sword back, don't you? I need something back too – Ruben's got it, and I haven't been able to leave without it," Allen explained. "Or else I would have booked it a while ago…"

Kanda's expression became pensive. Well, he really couldn't _leave_ his anti-akuma weapon, although he was loathe to cooperate with Allen. Kanda's limited choices didn't give him much leeway though, and bitterly Kanda found himself having to swallow his pride. Although…saying he agreed outloud was certainly _not_ an easy task.

Thankfully, Lavi spoke up. "Alright, we're in," He conceded, taking Kanda's silence as an apparent _yes_. "So will you pleeeease untie us now?"

Not delaying any longer, Allen pulled out a pocketknife, and started to cut through the rope. Within a few minutes, the rope broke apart, finally allowing Kanda and Lavi to be free from their positions.

Kanda stood, rubbing his hands as he attempted to get the feeling back into them, and Lavi started to look through the bag Allen had brought. As Lavi did this, Kanda turned to Allen. "So, you going to tell us how you know the Order?"

Allen hesitated, but Kanda did his best to remain quiet as he _hoped_ Allen would speak before his patience ran dry.

Fortunately, Allen did so and answered. "Yes, and I promise I can explain more – but we really should hurry before anyone catches us."

The answer grated on Kanda. Did _no one_ know how to give a straight answer in this world? "Fine," He conceded, though his tone held a begrudging edge to it. "Just be ready to actually talk soon."

Allen looked like he was going to retort, but Lavi spoke up. "Hey, I got my hammer back!" He said, before tossing the bag to Kanda. "Pretty sure everything else in there is yours, minus your sword."

Kanda didn't say anything, but caught the bag with ease. Lavi then turned to Allen. "So, what's the plan? You've been with these bandits longer."

"We just have to sneak into Ruben's tent, but someone has to keep watch," Allen explained. "Then get out of here before anyone wakes up."

"Sounds simple enough," Lavi stated. He smiled at Kanda brightly. "I'll keep watch, and you two can risk sneaking in!"

Kanda sent an annoyed look in Lavi's direction. Well, he wasn't going to _argue_ with Lavi since he would rather be the one to retrieve his own sword, but Kanda wasn't exactly thrilled about having to sneak in with the beansprout.

Allen nodded. "Sounds good," He agreed. Allen looked at Kanda. "Let's get going then."

The three of them wasted no time, and started to make their way back to where the rest of the camp was. All three were careful to keep their steps light, and were even wary of the way the snow softly crunched beneath their feet. The caution increased when they neared the other bandits – some of which were asleep outside, wrapped in blankets and positioned at the base of some of the trees. A few tents were set up though.

Allen nudged his head toward one of the tents. "That one," He spoke quietly. Allen looked at Kanda. "You ready?"

Kanda nodded, then turned to Lavi. "We'll be quick."

"I'm counting on that," Lavi said, as he looked around. "Definitely don't want to have to deal with any of these guys awake."

Kanda said nothing in response, and followed Allen. As they approached the tent, they stopped just outside of it, where Allen faced Kanda. "You just focus on your sword, okay?"

Kanda scoffed. "I was planning on it," He commented dryly. Kanda had no idea what it was that Allen needed exactly, but frankly he didn't care. All that mattered right then was that he got Mugen back, and could put this whole ordeal behind him. He had already wasted far more time than he had wanted.

Allen said nothing, and turned to the tent. He listened, careful to make sure that by some chance the bandits' leader was _not_ awake. When Allen appeared confident that wasn't an issue, he crept into the tent, with Kanda following right behind him.

Inside the tent, Kanda looked around. In the darkness he could see where Ruben was asleep, under a blanket. His eyes quickly scanned the inside of the area though, as he was eager to find out where Mugen was. _'Where are you-'_

Then, Kanda spotted it. It was in the corner, and propped beside several other items. Carefully, Kanda crept over to take it; he had to be conscientious of his movements so he didn't actually knock anything over, but paused when he noticed something gleaming in the darkness. Off to the side was a pile of items, where Kanda then saw a _very_ familiar lotus pin.

Kanda fought a low growl, and swiped it. _Fuck_ these bandits.

Once Kanda had what he needed, he turned back to Allen. "You good?" He asked, keeping his voice to a whisper.

"I'm still looking," Allen whispered back, as he shuffled through some things.

The sleeping bandit shifted, and Kanda looked at Allen sharply. "Well fucking _hurry_."

"I _am_ ," Allen hissed, as his pace hastened.

Kanda sent an aggravated look in Allen's direction, but said nothing only to ensure that Ruben wouldn't wake up. It passed through Kanda's mind that he could very well just leave Allen at this point – whether Allen was connected to the Order or not wasn't technically Kanda's problem. That was _Lavi's_ , and Kanda had his own things to handle for now.

Still, Kanda wasn't just going to abandon Allen yet. "Beansprout, if you don't hurry the hell up-"

"Got it!" Allen spoke, getting what looked like a box of sorts. Oddly enough, it was tied up with rope.

There was a shout outside, and Kanda's head whipped around. _'Shit,'_ He thought, realizing one of the bandits must have woken up.

Upon this, Ruben woke up, quickly becoming alert when he realized Allen and Kanda were in the tent. "What the hell are you doing!?" He shouted, as he instinctively reached for something – which Kanda soon realized was a dagger Ruben had.

Kanda was swift. Since Ruben had just woken up, his reflex was slightly delayed, giving Kanda an advantage. Turning Mugen so he was actually holding it by its sheathe case, Kanda knocked Ruben into the head with his sword's handle _hard_ – so hard that it sounded like something might have even cracked. With a thud, the bandit fell to the ground.

Allen stared for a second, slightly shocked. "How hard did you _hit_ him?"

More commotion was heard outside, and the sound of more men shouting.

"Just move it!" Kanda snapped, as he all but shoved Allen out of the tent.

Outside, Lavi had activated his innocence, and was currently fighting with several bandits. Having been able to more readily use his hammer, he had so far managed to avoid getting cornered like earlier that day, and looked back at Kanda and Allen when they emerged from the tent. "Are you guys good!?" He asked quickly.

"Yeah, we got everything!" Allen responded quickly.

"Awesome, then we're ditching these guys – fire seal!" He shouted, slamming his hammer onto the ground so a series of flames appeared, separating himself, Kanda, and Allen from the remaining bandits.

As the flames created a temporary barrier, Lavi turned to Allen and Kanda. "Start running before the flames die!"

No one needed to be told a second time, and all three ran, escaping as quickly as possible.

* * *

Lavi panted, finally have stopped running. "Man, what a workout…" He sighed, before glancing over at Kanda. "You look like you hardly broke a sweat though."

Kanda rolled his eyes, and shrugged. He actually didn't feel as out of breath as he normally would have, but hadn't thought anything of it until Lavi mentioned it. Briefly, Kanda's mind went to the seal he had tattooed on his body, but he didn't allow himself to linger on it for too long. If it was going to be so beneficial to improving his physical stamina, Kanda would take it.

Besides, there wasn't anything else he could do now about it. The damn thing was on him permanently.

By a tree, Allen was also catching his breath. He was still clutching the box he had taken from Ruben's tent in one arm, and had not yet opened it.

"What's in the box?" Lavi asked, taking note of how there was rope keeping it shut.

Kanda's gaze moved to the box, then to Allen. Although he had previously come to the conclusion it didn't matter to him what the beansprout had needed, he _was_ slightly curious as to what it was.

Allen blinked, then smiled sheepishly. "Ah, something I really couldn't afford to lose," He spoke, before he started working to undo the rope.

As Allen did this, the box rattled. Kanda and Lavi both stiffened a little.

Spying Kanda and Lavi's reactions, Allen smiled good-naturedly. "Don't worry – I promise it's nothing scary in here," He reassured them, as he opened the box.

Out of it, something golden flew out. It flew quickly, and Kanda didn't get a chance to look at it all in detail right away – but it soon stopped, hovering beside Allen as its wings flapped. Bright and circular, it looked like some kind of orb with wings and even what looked like a _tail_. A cross design was on the front of it, but there was nothing else that could be seen detail-wise.

Kanda gripped the hilt of his sword. _'What is that?'_

"This is Timcanpy," Allen introduced.

Lavi's eyes widened. "Wait, that's a _golem_."

Kanda turned to Lavi questioningly. "A what?"

Lavi glanced back. "They're not common. The Order has talked about trying to mechanize them for exorcists and finders to help with communication, but since the process isn't refined only generals have them right now," He explained, before looking again to Allen and Timcanpy. "And that one has one of the general's marks on it."

Allen nodded. "That's correct," He confirmed.

Kanda's expression turned pensive. "So…which general's golem is this?"

"General Cross," Lavi spoke, tone more serious. "I recognize the mark."

Surprise appeared in Kanda's eyes. Cross? The general Lavi was supposedly looking for? Kanda looked at Allen questioningly. "So you know…"

Allen already seemed to know what inquiry was coming, and answered before Kanda needed to finish. "Oh, I _know_ General Cross. I'm his apprentice."

* * *

The camp had been a complete wreck after the flames died. Some of the tents had caught fire, and some supplies had been scorched in the chaos, now dark and charred and _completely_ useless. Most of the bandits had recovered though, with the exception Ruben, who had a _very_ nasty headache. And a fractured skull no doubt.

"Fuckin' little _brats_ ," He growled, as the throbbing continued in his head.

He was currently leaning against a tree, getting some air as the other bandits were close to finishing salvaging what they could. With how things were looking, it appeared as though they would be in serious need of resources soon.

"Looks like you guys had it rough tonight."

Reuben turned sharply, although he regretted it once his head spun. He focused though, seeing that he was not face to face with a man with striking golden eyes and inky-colored hair.

Reuben recognized him. "Oh, it's you – haven't seen you in like a year, Tyki," He greeted, though he still sounded a bit agitated.

Tyki grinned. "I've been busy with things. But I was in the area and thought I'd swing by."

Reuben scoffed. "You chose a lousy time. A couple of little bastards ambushed us."

Tyki raised an eyebrow. "Really?" He questioned, before looking over in the direction of the camp again. "Well it looks like they had quite the ambush prepared."

"Ha! It seems so. One of them used some kind of hammer to create flames like a devil – I've never seen anything like it," Reuben spoke grimly. "Stole some of our goods too, but now I'm almost glad they did. Found this boy with some flying golden orb thing, and now I'm beginning to think it was all bad luck."

Immediately, Tyki's attention returned to the bandit. "A golden orb, eh…" He repeated thoughtfully. "Any idea which way they went?"

Reuben looked at Tyki skeptically. "Don't tell me you're going to go after them," He spoke.

Tyki shrugged. "I was just curious. Maybe I'm already going to be going in the same direction as them."

Reuben didn't respond at first, but then nodded in one direction. "Most likely they went that way, but I couldn't say for sure," He answered. Eying Tyki, Reuben then added, "You know, the offer I gave you a year ago still stands. You could work with us if you're tired of whatever it is those secret jobs you do are."

Tyki smiled. "Much appreciated, and I'll keep that in mind," He said, lips curled upward. "But for now I have a few things I _really_ need to see through."

* * *

 **A/N:** Frankly, I don't know how I got this out tonight? I've been brain dead the last two weeks from work, and it has /killed/ my writing. (But, here we are!)

The good thing is, things are finally starting to tie more together, and after this chapter we are PAINFULLY close to Kanda finding Alma (because that's what we all still want, right?). By now everyone is probably putting together that there is some kind of connection between Cross and what has been going on with Anita and Mahoja, so hopefully it's making some sense as to why I brought Allen and Timcanpy into this madness.

Speaking of...of course I finally bring in Timcanpy /after/ chapter 227 is released of D. Gray-Man. Not saying anymore than that in case not everyone has read it. (So, special shoutout to Timcanpy. 3)

Alma wasn't in this chapter, because no scenes with him really fit in with this one and I really wanted to push to get this chapter out (but Alma will definitely be back in the next one, and probably every chapter from now on). Tyki also is going to start becoming a little more consistent appearance-wise. I did want to point out that there is nothing exceptionally significant about his relationship with the bandits, except that it's more so a nod to the fact that Tyki likes to live this "dual" life as a human occasionally. In this universe, he's crossed paths with these guys before, which is why Reuben is more civil with Tyki despite having no idea who/what Tyki really is.

Annnnnnnd, that is all I have for notes. I feel like originally I wanted to write more, but as I said earlier, I am brain dead, and heaven forbid I have work tomorrow. XD (Although, I think I updated three times in January now? Which is a big improvement after a several month hiatus. XD)

Hope you guys enjoyed the chapter, and more will be on the way soon!


	24. Revelation

**Lotus in the Snow (Snow Queen AU)**

 **Chapter Twenty-Three**  
 _Revelation  
_

 _  
_Alma wasn't sure how long he was outside for. He hadn't bothered keeping track of time; it had become irrelevant anyways. Sleep wasn't something that Alma needed anymore, and it wasn't as though he had anything to measure time with when he was back in the icy cavern. Seconds blurred into minutes, and minutes blurred into hours.

The hours had blurred into days as well, but Alma had no idea how many had passed since he had ended up in that icy hell hole. It had felt like a long time though.

Alma didn't rush to go back. He was pretty sure Mahoja was still gone to wherever it was she had gone, or else she probably would have dragged him back inside by now.

It crossed his mind that he could try to stay out longer. It hit Alma that he couldn't even remember the last time he had actually seen sunlight. The closest he had come to such was when he first woke up in that chamber and managed to leave just far enough to catch a glimpse of the sky before getting pulled back in.

A tug inside Alma. He could have stayed, but…

 _'Someone could see you,'_ A voice warned. Alma wasn't sure if it was his own, or maybe a manifestation of what Mahoja would say, but it struck him all the same. He unwillingly recalled the last time he had left the cavern, and the odd, animalistic instinct that had just taken hold of Alma's body.

Inwardly, he shuddered.

Alma moved from his spot, knowing he could no longer stay. He located the crevice in the ground that led back into the cavern, making his way back down quickly and with ease.

Back into the darkness, and away from the sky.

 _'Away from everything…'_

Alma tried to think back to before so many terrible things had happened, and to when he had last felt human. Vaguely, he recalled being in a village with…people. There were faces, but they were fuzzy and the names blurred together into words Alma didn't recognize.

His fist clenched. It shouldn't have mattered – Alma hated them all, he was certain. People were terrible, and they were hurtful. Alma remembered feeling hurt, and a surge of hatred coiled within him, and his eyes clenched tightly–

"Damn it!" He shouted, and there was a crash. Opening his eyes, Alma looked to see that he had thrown his fist into the icy wall, punching it. The ice had cracked and broken, forming a whole. Alma's fist was perfectly formed.

 _'Not a mark…'_ Alma thought bitterly. Nothing. Not even a scuff.

Alma pulled back his fist, and started walking. He wasn't sure where – maybe back to that chamber, but he needed to at least _move._ If he didn't burn off some of the excessive energy he was feeling he might lost his mind.

Besides, Mahoja wasn't around to monitor him – Alma might as well take advantage of figuring out what the set up of this place was.

Passing the chamber he was supposed to be in, Alma continued down the hall. He noticed as he walk on that the main hall he was familiar with split off into several other smaller ones, though he had no idea where they led. There were several other cavern chambers as well, though they were all vacant and only filled with the glimmering icicles that loomed above like chandeliers of frosted blades.

 _'There's nothing in any of these rooms,'_ Alma thought as he frowned. Well, hell, _this_ certainly wasn't as engaging as he would have hoped…

Alma contemplated turning back. However, he stopped when he noticed something: a door.

Alma looked at it suspiciously. That was strange – there weren't exactly _doors_ closing off any of the other areas.

Somewhat warily, Alma opened it. He had half-expected it to be locked, so he was a little surprised when it opened with such ease.

Alma looked inside. It looked oddly like a room, although iced over completely. He noticed a bed, white and sparkling as though it were covered in frosty spirals; a person was asleep on it.

Alma's breath hitched in his throat; that _woman._ The one who had brought Alma here. _'That's Anita…'_

Alma exhaled, and he noticed that he could see his breath. Even though he couldn't feel the temperature drop, he knew that meant it was significantly colder in this room than the other ones.

Uncertainty gripped Alma. He knew he shouldn't have been there, and was pretty sure if Mahoja saw him that she would happily _kill_ Alma. But, Alma found himself unable to simply turn around and leave. Something tickled at the back of his spine, and something just felt _off_. He couldn't explain it, but it was an unsettling feeling that bothered Alma too much.

His eyes scanned the room, then flickered back to Anita. He noticed something shiny on one of her arms, peeking out from beneath the sleeve.

Alma glanced out into the hall, and made sure Mahoja wasn't coming. When he saw the area was still empty, he walked into the room, and to where Anita remained. He was careful to be soundless in his movements, and wary of any possible movement from Anita. However, Alma quickly realized that she appeared to be unconscious, and as still as a corpse.

The thought was more disturbing than Alma cared to admit, and his eyes moved to her arm. He saw that it was frozen in ice. "The hell…" He murmured, not sure what _that_ was about.

"I did it to myself."

Alma jumped, expression startled by the voice. _'She's awake!?'_ He realized, completely caught off guard by Anita's words. His tail flicked about in agitation, as he looked at Anita. She had not moved, but her dark eyes were open, expression unreadable.

Alma glared at her. "What are you talking about?"

Anita's expression didn't change, and she continued to stare upward as though in deep contemplation. "I was pierced like you were. By one of those shards. And I started to become an akuma as well," Anita explained. Her voice was soft, and gentle – like freshly fallen snow. "But before it completely infected my heart, I froze it. That way I could at least retain a piece of humanity."

Alma was silent as Anita spoke. He had never heard anything like this from Mahoja, and after being kept so long in the dark, he found himself wanting to hear more. Something, anything…

"Over time, the effects of this will eventually freeze the rest of my body. I'll keep that piece of humanity, but I'll soon turn to ice."

Alma's brow furrowed. "Why, though? Why would you do that to yourself?" He asked, not sure why Anita would draw out the process in such a painful way. Was it really only just to retain some piece of humanity? Alma knew he had been resistant at first to accept this new identity as some abomination, but when he thought about it…were humans really any better?

Alma turned away, and gritted his teeth. "Humans…humans are horrible. They don't care about each other, and only care about themselves. I can't stand them."

Anita was quiet. At first, Alma wondered if perhaps she would say no more. But, her voice entered his ears.

"I felt that hatred. But I hated the akuma," Anita explained, her voice so low it could almost have been a whisper. "And I hated the Millennium Earl for causing this."

Alma turned back to Anita questioningly. _'The Millennium Earl…?'_

"I hated them…but I couldn't hate all of humanity. I loved someone too much, and I didn't want to hate them."

As Anita said this, her eyes were distant, and appeared…sad. Lonely. Alma felt a sharp stab of pain in his chest, as he brutally recalled feeling something similar: _heartbreak_.

What had caused it though…? Alma just couldn't _remember_.

"So I did this to myself to bide time, so I could find all the pieces of that mirror. I didn't want anyone else to suffer, and I wanted to help him…"

Alma's expression was dark. He had no idea who this "him" was that Anita was talking about, and he didn't particularly care – but he couldn't help but feel annoyed. Going through that much pain to _help_ someone…why? Why should anyone bother? Humans were so selfish, and it seemed pointless.

"That's foolish," Alma muttered icily.

Surprisingly, Anita's lips upturned, eyes still forlorn. It was a strange, wistful expression – one that could only be described as _tragic_. "It is," She agreed. "I always was a foolish woman."

There was a pause. Alma didn't know what to say. This conversation was so unanticipated, and strange. It was evoking an array of emotions within Alma as well, all of which made him uncomfortable.

Anita turned her face slightly, and looked at Alma. "Please…finish that mirror," She requested, words almost inaudible. "I…need to know that all the pieces have been returned. So no one else has to go through this," She continued. "I need to know before I'm destroyed completely."

Alma looked at Anita. He was somewhat stunned by the earnest nature of her request, and was at a loss for words. Just…how? How could this woman – this _akuma_ – have the capability to want such a thing? All because of what even? Because of someone else she had loved?

It was stupid. Stupid, and pathetic, and _worthless_. Alma couldn't understand it. Love did nothing but hurt people, and exposed what made them weak.

Jaw tight, Alma didn't speak at first. He was angry, but he wasn't sure if it was because of what Anita had said, or something else. So much darkness had been festering within him that Alma couldn't even keep track of the causes.

Despite this, say no was oddly difficult.

Alma averted his gaze, although he could feel Anita's eyes on him. He took a breath. "It's almost done," He stated, words harsh.

He said nothing more. 

* * *

"So, how did an apprentice of Cross's end up out here?" Lavi asked. "Sort of a weird situation for you to be in."

Kanda eyed Allen warily. Allen had just expressed that he was Cross's apprentice, which was an _incredibly_ peculiar coincidence. Kanda couldn't tell how much Lavi actually was buying into the story, although the Bookman _had_ seemed pretty startled to see that…weird golden ball thingy flying by Allen. Shit, what had Lavi called it? A golem? Allen called it Timcanpy though, so Kanda figured that was its name…

Arms crossed, Kanda leaned against the tree while Allen and Lavi were seated on a fallen log. His eyes went from Tim back to Allen, waiting for an explanation as well.

Allen sighed. "Yeah, that was an accident. They caught me cheating one of their guys for money."

Kanda sneered quietly. "What a surprise…"

Allen looked over in Kanda's direction in offense. "They were cheating others first," He bit back, before adding under his breath, "And I ran out of money for food, so I needed cash."

Lavi raised an eyebrow. "Where was Cross in all of this? You said you were his apprentice – he just wasn't around or something?"

Allen looked back at Lavi. "Cross had to leave – he does that from time to time. Says it's a private mission or something," Allen explained.

"Huh. Peaces out from the Order and an apprentice. Figures," Lavi observed thoughtfully. He then turned back to Allen, expression hopeful. "Well, surely you know where he would be, right? See, Kanda and I here kind of need to find him-"

"Tch. _You_ need to find him," Kanda pointed out irritably. "I have other shit to do."

Lavi ignored Kanda. "-And it would be really helpful if you could tell us where he is."

Allen smiled sweetly. "Oh, I have absolutely no idea where he goes. He always tracks me down somehow."

Lavi's expression fell. "That's….rather useless then…"

Timcanpy flapped his wings, and hovered closely beside Allen. Allen glanced at the golden golem, before he looked between Kanda and Lavi. "So, you guys are tracking Cross for the Order…?"

Lavi nodded. "Cross has been missing for a while…no one from the Order has heard from him regarding the specifics of what he's been doing exactly," Lavi explained. He looked at Allen astutely. "I have to say I'm surprised he has an apprentice…"

Allen nodded. "Cross recognized I was an accommodator, so he began to train me," Allen explained. He pulled off the glove of his left hand, and held it up. The skin was not pale like the rest of Allen's pallid flesh, and was instead a dark, reddish-brown color. A cross-like mark was on the back.

Kanda stared. _'What the hell is with his arm…?'_

Lavi looked with intrigue. "Mm. So you're innocence is parasitic….that's interesting," He observed. "Parasitic types are definitely rarer than equipment."

Allen placed the glove back over his hand, but said nothing.

Kanda took the chance to speak. "What's this private mission he's on? Surely he's told you something about it," Kanda questioned firmly.

Allen sighed. "I told you – he doesn't say much about it," Allen explained. "But…"

Lavi looked at Allen expectedly. "But…?"

Allen's expression was contemplative. "Once…he did say something. It was before he left. It was snowing, and he was just…really quiet," Allen spoke. "I didn't really think anything of it. But he just sort of was looking at the snow, and said 'She's close by.' After that, he left. When he came back he never told me where he went. I'm not sure why, but for some reason that always stood out to me…"

 _'She…_ ' Kanda thought, as he frowned. She…snow…

Kanda stopped. No, there was no way _that_ was possible…was there?

It was a leap. A big leap. But, Kanda couldn't help but question if Cross knew anything of that "Snow Queen" akuma. After all, Lavi had supposedly been directed to this area, and it was also the only area that Kanda happened to have a lead in…

Kanda's fist clenched. Damn it, he just needed some kind of direction. He was grasping at straws, but what other options did he have? Something. _Anything._ Kanda needed all he could find in that moment, and pathetically he felt desperation clawing at the back of his neck.

This was stupid. Kanda was going off of _three words_ , yet they were offering more of a possible lead than anything else he had uncovered in the past few weeks.

"We need to find him," Kanda spoke. His words came out abruptly, and seemed to surprise both Lavi and Allen, but _especially_ Lavi.

Kanda looked at Lavi with annoyance. "What? You've been whining about needing to find the guy…"

Lavi looked at Kanda for a moment, but didn't say anything. He turned to Allen. "You really don't have _any_ idea where Cross could be?"

Allen shook his head. "I really don't, but…Tim might," He stated, as he looked over at the golem. "You have any idea where he is?"

Tim fluttered about, though Kanda had no idea what that meant.

"Well, since Timcanpy is Cross's golem, he should be able to track him…that's one of the features of golems to my understanding," Lavi pointed out, before asking Allen, "Do you know if that's possible?"

Allen blinked. "I don't know…I've never had to ask Tim to do that," He responded, before looking over at Timcanpy inquisitively. "Can you find out where Cross has gone, Tim?"

The golem fluttered up and down – something that almost resembled a nod.

"Guess so," Allen confirmed.

Lavi stood. "Time to follow the golden golem," He observed, before quirking a smile in Allen's direction. "You're probably due to find your master anyways."

"Haha. Something like that," Allen replied, somewhat lightly. He then added under his breath, "Not that I'm looking forward to it…"

Seeing that they were about to start off again, Kanda made sure he had any of his belongings together (though such had diminished greatly after the bandit incident). When he saw Tim and Allen starting off in a direction, he followed with Lavi falling back to where Kanda was.

Lavi glanced over at Kanda. "So…I noticed you suddenly seem pretty open to finding Cross," He speculated. His tone was casual, as if to keep the conversation light. "You figure something out?"

Kanda continued to look forward. He could feel Lavi's gaze though, piercing and observing. Kanda felt oddly open.

Kanda hesitated. He knew Lavi wasn't stupid, as aggravating as the Bookman could be. Lavi undoubtedly knew something had triggered Kanda's sudden motivation to continue with searching for Cross rather than attempting to break away on his own as he had previously intended. But still…Kanda was wary. He hadn't spoken about Alma , or gone into detail about what had pushed him to agree to collaborating for the Order. Kanda didn't want to. He didn't know why, but he just…couldn't. He couldn't risk saying something about Alma.

Lavi hadn't said anything, but Kanda knew he was waiting for an answer. The fact that he wasn't pressing and actively annoying Kanda said how serious the nature of the inquiry actually was.

Kanda kept his eyes forward. "No," He answered. "Nothing."

Lavi's expression remained neutral, but he didn't say anything.

Somehow, Kanda had a feeling that Lavi knew it was a lie. 

* * *

Through the darkness, Tyki watched the trio. He was a safe enough distance away that no one could see him as he lingered behind the trees, but close enough that he could still make out the conversation. He was still, and silent – not once did he move from his position as bothersome as it was to be stagnant. However, Tyki knew he couldn't risk being seen; he was too close to finding who it was he had been instructed to as it was.

Tyki watched as the three exorcists stood, with the golden golem flapping its feathery wings. It started off in one direction, with the white-haired one – _Allen_ , Tyki recalled – starting after with the other two exorcists close behind. Tyki noticed with interest the one with the dark ponytail – the exorcist he had crossed paths with several months ago.

An intrigued smirk appeared on his face. So, he was still alive – Tyki would have to let Road know. _'How interesting to be crossing paths with all these familiar faces,'_ Tyki mused, though he knew he wouldn't be able to waste too much time on that exorcist. He still had someone else as a higher priority.

Slipping his hand into his pocket, Tyki pulled out the card that the Millennium Earl had given it. He looked at the name: _Cross Marian._

"Looks like I may find you soon," Tyki murmured, as he put away the card.

Soundlessly, he followed the direction of the three exorcists. 

* * *

When Mahoja returned to the icy cavern, she wasn't sure what she would return to. She didn't know how in tact Alma would be in terms of rationality, or if he would have bolted. God, she hoped not though – she didn't need the stress of having to track down a renegade akuma.

But, when she returned to the chamber where Alma was supposed to be…she saw he was there. Working.

It was actually rather surprising.

What was even more odd, was how _focused_ Alma appeared on it. When Mahoja returned he didn't even acknowledge her. It was strange, and rather out of character for Alma; even with his increasing hostility, he would usually break and have to say something. It was like he needed to have some sort of engagement of some kind with others, so seeing him so closed off was…unsettling.

Mahoja tried to let him be, though. If he was doing his job and getting the mirror completed, she wasn't about to disrupt that. Her loyalty was solely to Anita, first and foremost. It always had been, and it always would be.

Mahoja leaned against the icy pillar. She was currently in the same chamber as Alma, who was painfully close to having finished repairing the mirror. It had been over a day since she had returned, and Alma had not spoken at all during that time. Mahoja had left a few times to check on Anita, though the experience always pained her to do so – so in a sense, she didn't mind monitoring Alma's progress. It was something else to do, and it...was distracting. It was distracting from the pain of seeing her master suffer, day by day. It was distracting from the pain of being so horribly _powerless_.

So often, Mahoja felt as though she had failed Anita.

There was the sound of ice shattering, which brutally interrupted Mahoja's thoughts. Alarmed, she straightened, and looked over at Alma. "What happened?" She asked sharply.

When she did not receive an immediate response, Mahoja approached where Alma was. She could see where it had been a chunk of ice Alma had thrown – thankfully, it was no part of the mirror. Actually, Majoha could see that the mirror looked almost complete. Except that…

"Damn it," Alma hissed in frustration. "I can't…I can't _finish_ it!"

Mahoja realized what the problem was before Alma even had to speak any further. As she observed the mirror, she could see where Alma had been able to place all the pieces back into their original position. Even the cracks in the mirror seemed to have melded together, making the mirror almost appear without any imperfection. However, there were two pieces in the mirror that were vacant.

Alma turned to Mahoja. There was a livid look in his eyes. "All you've done is badger me to get this damn thing fixed, but how the hell am I supposed to when I don't even have all the pieces!?"

Mahoja tensed, and her expression hardened. "Alma…"

" _What_?" Alma snapped, looking as though he was ready to break right then and there.

Mahoja exhaled, chest tight. "I know where the two pieces are. One has been here a while already," She expressed, as she eyed Alma coolly. "The other was brought here not as long ago."

She didn't explain any further, and Alma just glared. However, the longer the silence dragged on, the more it began to sink in. Soon, realization dawned on Alma's face, and he realized what Mahoja was applying.

The shard that pierced him. That was one of the pieces.

Alma felt his blood run cold. _'God...'_

Alma should have realized. He should have known all along something was twistedly wrong, and even though Mahoja hadn't vocalized just what she intended to do about this little _drawback,_ Alma was loathe to find out and even loather to hang around.

Alma's tension clearly must have shown, because Mahoja stiffened as well. "Alma, listen to me-"

Fuck this. _Fuck_ this. Why had Alma been so stupidly blind? He wasn't worth anything to anyone – he was just something to be used as a means to an end. The realization boiled his blood, and he could feel himself seethe. _'I got used again. Like before…'_

Alma couldn't remember things clearly, but he remembered feeling used. Like he'd been lied to, and discarded. Worthless and unwanted. Shit, why did it always have to be him?

There was a spark, and one of Alma's hands felt hot. A ball of dark energy formed, sparking with unpredictable bursts of electricity.

Mahoja clenched her teeth. "Damn it, Alma, _calm down_!"

"Why should I!?"

Mahoja cursed. The last thing she needed right now was for Alma to get so riled up that he would lose his shit. That would be nothing short of a disaster, and already Mahoja had needed to do more than her fair share of damage control. She cursed under her breath. "Alma, I swear if you don't _calm the fuck down_ -"

She stopped speaking mid-sentence. There, within ever fiber in her body, Mahoja could feel it – she could feel something near. Someone near.

Alma looked as though he had about to been argue something, but he stopped too. There, lingering along his spine, was the familiar, primal instinct that he had experienced not too long ago. A chill moved through him as Alma recalled the last time he had felt this way: just before he completely blacked out, losing control until Mahoja literally _pounded_ some sense into him.

Mahoja hissed. "Not _now,_ " She seethed, before she turned to Alma, expression as hard as stone. "If you do what you did last time, I'll rip out that shard piece myself. Don't test me on it."

Alma's expression was livid, and he looked away. Quietly, he forced out his next words, tense and short. "Don't bullshit me. You were going to do that anyways."

When Mahoja didn't respond, Alma knew he was right. 

* * *

The sky was pale. It was shrouded in a hazy, light gray blanket of clouds that only seemed to add to the colorlessness of the landscape. The air was still, and devoid of any wind – a good thing for anyone traveling in it, as it helped to make the temperature more bearable.

Timcanpy flapped his wings as he continued to fly forward through the trees. Periodically, he would stop to make sure he wasn't flying too quickly as not to accidentally lose the trio of exorcists currently following him, but would pick up again once he saw they were close behind.

"You think he can tell how much longer we have to go?" Lavi asked, his question directed at Allen.

Allen continued to follow Timcanpy, and shrugged. "Don't know," He answered, before turning to look at Tim. "Timcanpy, can you tell how much farther we have?"

The golem flapped his wings even more, and flew on.

"Guess we just have to keep following him," Allen observed.

Kanda exhaled in quiet aggravation. "As long as your golem gets us there fast, Beansprout."

Allen whipped his head back in Kanda's direction, glaring. "It's _Allen_."

"Tch. Whatever, Beansprout."

Allen's expression only grew more irritated, and Lavi laughed. He placed a hand on Allen's shoulder, causing Allen's expression to shift to one of surprise.

"Don't mind Kanda. He's just sore you screwed him over in poker," Lavi lightly pointed out.

Hearing this, Kanda gave Lavi an annoyed look that practically said " _He screwed us both over, you idiot"_ although he didn't say it out loud. Kanda never could really seem to read Lavi, and this time was no different.

Which, was why Kanda hadn't admitted to Lavi why he was now okay with seeking Cross out. Kanda couldn't trust Lavi – not completely.

A clearing came into view as they reached the edge of the woods. Timcanpy flew on, where Allen followed. Lavi slowed his pace though, and pulled out the map he had still managed to hold onto from a few days earlier. He glanced through it, frowning.

Kanda noticed this, and slowed his pace to match Lavi's. It wasn't often he saw Lavi with that sort of expression, and truthfully it was a bit concerning. "What is it?" Kanda asked, voice low.

Lavi stopped walking completely. Taking his finger, he traced down a grid line, stopping over a clear area – the area they were in. "This is where we are now," Lavi explained, before moving his finger up just a smidge. "And this is approximately where Kie and Maosa ended up…which is just up ahead in this clearing."

Kanda understood, then glanced around. They were out in the open, and in an area where there were likely to be akuma.

Not exactly a smart move by any means.

"Let's keep moving then," Kanda murmured, now even warier than before of their surroundings.

Lavi nodded, and they started walking. Allen was a bit up ahead with Timcanpy, but as Kanda and Lavi caught up they noticed Allen had stopped. Timcanpy, they saw, was also flying around in what almost appeared to be confusion.

"What's with him?" Lavi asked.

Allen appeared confused by the golem's behavior. "Come on Tim, why'd you stop?" He asked. "You had a trail just a minute ago!"

Kanda scowled. "Your golem is broken, Beansprout," He growled.

"Don't talk about Tim like that. And if I recall, you didn't _exactly_ know where to even go to find Cross," Allen bit back. He was no doubt incensed by the use of the nickname, but he didn't comment on it. "Anyways, we've gotten this far, so if anything Cross must have at least come through this area…"

"Coming through isn't good enough if we don't know where to go from _here_."

"Seesh, you guys both need to take it easy," Lavi spoke, as he walked a bit forward. He glanced around, observing the area. "Timcanpy brought us this far, so I think it's worth it to look around. But we shouldn't let our guard down since we are pretty out in the open."

Kanda sighed, and nodded. For once, he agreed with Lavi.

Tim flapped his wings and nudged Allen. Questioningly, Allen looked at the golem. "You see something?" He asked.

Tim flew forward, stopping just a little bit away. Walking over to where Timcanpy was hovering, Allen went to get a look at what the golem was trying to point out.

Lavi followed. "Hey, what'd you find-?" He started, but stopped when he could see what it was: some sort of crevice in the ground, that looked deep and large enough for a person to fall into.

Kanda saw it as well, and approached it. He glanced down; it was dark, though he could see the glimmer of ice below. Spotting a piece of ice, he kicked it in. It fell, echoing as it fell below. "It's deep…" He observed.

"Yeah. Deep enough for someone or something to be down there," Lavi added. "It must be a cavern or something."

Kanda looked at Lavi. "Can you use your hammer to get us down there?"

Lavi nodded. "Yeah, I can extend it."

Allen looked as though he were about to speak, but stopped. His whole expression froze, and his left eye – the one with the red marking – blackened, and the iris turned red.

Kanda was the first to notice the change, and immediately he felt alarm. It would have been one thing for Allen's arm to do something abnormal – that was a part of his innocence. But the eye was completely unexplainable, and disturbing to look at as well. Kanda's mistrust of Allen suddenly shot up once more, and he grabbed the hilt of Mugen. "What the hell is with your eye?" Kanda snapped.

Lavi appeared tense as well, though he appeared more wary than alarmed. "That's not part of your innocence, is it?"

"Calm down," Allen instructed, as he looked off to the side. "This eye reacts to akuma…which means there's one near by…"

Kanda gritted his teeth. "You didn't think this was important enough to have told us _sooner_?"

"I'm telling you _now_ , aren't I?"

"Fucking _Beansprout-_ "

"Guys, watch out!" Lavi shouted, just as a blast of energy fired at them from the distance.

Kanda jumped out of the way, just barely evading the explosion that followed. Powdery snow and smoke clouded the air, but as it cleared he saw that Lavi and Allen had managed to escape the attack as well. He grabbed Mugen, swiftly activating it just as another attack was thrown in his direction.

 _'Damn,'_ Kanda thought, his vision briefly obscured from the combination of smoke and snow. He quickly re-focused, and managed to catch a glimpse of Lavi nearby. Fortunately, he looked to be alright, and had activated his anti-akuma weapon as well.

"You guys okay over there!?" Allen's voice could be heard, through the smoke.

Lavi glanced over, spotting Kanda, then called back to Allen. "We're fine!"

As the smoke cleared, Kanda could see a figure. It was humanoid, but as the smoke cleared Kanda could see the unnatural skin tone that was dull, and appeared iced over with cool undertones. Several markings were visible along the flesh – the kind that akuma often had.

 _'Ugh, it's probably a level 2….'_ Kanda realized upon seeing the akuma. It was burly, and the head was shaved – yet the features were still somewhat androgynous looking.

The akuma's gaze flickered between all three exorcists before speaking, voice low and threatening. Surprisingly, the voice was also female. "I really don't have the patience to deal with a couple of exorcists right now. If you value your lives you should leave now."

The words were an immediate red flag, and Kanda didn't buy any of what the akuma was saying. In all his time of dealing with akuma, he had never _once_ interacted with one that was willing to give a human (let alone an _exorcist_ ) the option to run.

By the looks of it, neither Lavi nor Allen appeared to buy into it either. Allen was the first to talk back. "Why? Why would you want us to leave?!"

Eyes narrowing, the akuma only appeared agitated by this. "I warned you once, and I won't do it again," She responded, as her hand sparked. Out of her palm extended what looked like a cross between a bullet and a chunk of ice – likely what she had thrown at the exorcists just moments before. "If you won't leave on your own, I'll take it as confirmation you don't mind dying-"

Kanda didn't even wait for the akuma to finish – he wasn't about to sit through some _threat_. Gripping Mugen's handle, Kanda threw an attack. "First illusion!" He shouted, as a swarm of ghostly, insect-like creatures were released from the slashing of his blade.

They sped toward the akuma, who swiftly pulled back to avoid the full on confrontation. As she was distracted, Lavi turned to Kanda. "That akuma's hiding something, and I bet it's in that crevice!"

Kanda agreed, but didn't have time to think on it further. Out of the corner of his eye, Kanda could see Allen off the side having activated his innocence, with his left arm larger and covered in a strange, gray-like tissue.

"Shit, move!"

Kanda didn't even need to register Lavi's words to jump out of the way; the akuma had thrown another attack, this time larger. Even though Kanda hadn't been hit, the force of it was enough to push him back onto the snow, which lacked friction in combination with the icy ground below it. Because of this, Kanda slid back; he tried to press back into the ground to regain his balance, but as he tried to step back he stepped on a solid piece of ice, before he lost his footing, and-

"Kanda, watch out!" Allen shouted.

Kanda didn't know _how_ exactly it happened, but the next thing he knew he was falling. Then, it hit him: when he had slid back, he had ended up too close to the crevice, and fallen in, and shit, _he was still falling_.

Instinct kicking it, Kanda took Mugen, and dug it into the icy wall of the cavern. It screeched as he still fell, but slowed the speed; Kanda gritted his teeth as he pressed into the wall harder, trying to slow the fall even more.

 _'Come on,'_ He thought, pressing even _harder_.

He felt relief when the fall slowed, and the sword stopped dragging. Kanda realized that he had stopped just as he was able to reach the ground, and yanked his sword out of the frozen wall. Briefly, he checked the blade, and was relieved that there was no damage.

The faint sound of blasts could be heard above, and Kanda looked up. He now could see just how far of a fall it had been, with the crevice being high above him – too high for Kanda to have even hoped to climb out of.

Kanda clenched his teeth. _Fuck_ , that would be his luck to be the one to have fallen into a goddamn crevice.

Kanda looked around. There had to be another way out, but he wasn't going to find it unless he looked for one.

So, Kanda started walking. 

* * *

It hit him like a jolt. Sharp. Electrifying. That wretched, animalistic instinct that Alma had felt beginning to take hold just not that long ago before Mahoja hurried off. Before, it had been a horrible buzz in his ears and an itch in his bones; but, it was now stronger, and the buzz in Alma's ears was becoming shrill and the itch painful.

Alma bit the inside of his cheek, and he could feel the coppery taste in his mouth. _Shit,_ why was this impulse so hard to ignore? It was becoming maddening, and Alma kept alternating between wanting to run away from the impulse and wanting to seek out what was causing it.

Alma hated this; he hated this feeling of losing self-control. Or did he hate what was causing the feeling? He couldn't tell, and pressed his forehead against the icy wall of the chamber he was in. God, if only he could feel the coldness of the ice; he'd have given anything to feel the painful, burning of the cold if it would offer him some kind of distraction. _'Anything…'_

There was another jolt; burning, scalding. It was like a festering wound that just wouldn't heal, and it _hurt._ What was it though? It went beyond instinct, and Alma felt a flurry of things: confusion, aggression, anger, sadness…

 _Fuck,_ maybe this was it. Maybe Alma was finally losing it. Mahoja had talked about the others before Alma – the others who had become akuma too, and how they'd pretty much lost it. Maybe Alma had been foolish to have tried to ignore the same would happen to him as well.

A chill went through Alma, and he pulled back from the wall. _'Someone's here,'_ He realized. He wasn't sure how he knew, or what it was that caused him to know, but somehow, he just _knew_ there was someone near by.

They were close. Too close.

Immediately, Alma felt a flurry of darkness stir within him. For a fraction of a second, he felt that hate and anger overpower him, and the horrid instinct to _hunt_ rang throughout every fiber of his being. Somehow, the small part of Alma that still retained some humanity kicked in though, and another emotion spilled through.

Panic.

Panic. Alma was panicking. He didn't trust himself to be around anyone, and whoever was down there…

 _'I can't let them find me,'_ Alma realized, recalling the guilt he had felt when he realized he had attacked those other people just weeks ago. _'I have to get away from here!'_

Alma knew he didn't have much time. He could practically _feel_ the intruder, wherever they were. Alma couldn't quite pinpoint their location, but he knew they were close – too close.

 _'I can't…'_

Before Alma could lose control, he fled the icy chamber. 

* * *

Kanda continued through the icy cavern, which almost stretched along as though it were some kind of underground hallway. He did his best to remain as quiet as possible, keeping his ears open for any kind of sound or noise that may have hinted to something else (possibly an akuma) being present.

He hadn't forgotten Lavi's rushed theory about the akuma above having attempted to conceal something in the cavern. Kanda truthfully had no idea what it could have been though – just what could an akuma of all things be hiding?

Kanda also wondered how strong this akuma even was. She had appeared to have been holding her own, but Kanda find himself hoping that Lavi and Allen could at least hold her off….at least until Kanda found a way out.

Looking around, Kanda noticed that as he walked on he was beginning to pass by what looked to be different icy chambers – usually empty, and devoid of anything that looked too unusual. Still, something seemed…off. Kanda frowned as he realized he couldn't put his finger on it. _'This whole situation…something isn't right here…'_ He thought to himself. God, but what was it?

That akuma…Kanda realized her powers had seemed ice-based. But this akuma had been different from the one he had seen when he last saw…

 _'…When I last saw Alma…'_ Kanda thought.

His jaw tightened. Given the past few days and the flurry of events that had taken place, Kanda hadn't…he realized he hadn't dwelled on Alma as consciously. Maybe it was because each time he even thought of Alma's name it was like a stake into his heart, and the lingering memory of Alma alone was painful enough as it was. Even when Kanda wasn't bringing Alma to the forefront of his mind, the memories of what had happened all those weeks ago had left a scathing impression onto Kanda's psyche that just wouldn't leave him in peace.

It was like he was suffering constantly. Wondering, searching….and for what? For all Kanda knew, Alma was…

 _'Don't think it,'_ Kanda told himself. _'Don't…don't even fucking think it…'_

But, the fear was planted. It had been planted the moment Alma had disappeared. Kanda didn't know if Alma was alive, and given the state of how he had appeared the last time Kanda had seen him, Kanda knew that logically it was _foolish_ to hope that Alma was okay. How could he have been? Alma wasn't an exorcist who knew how to handle akuma. Hell, had Kanda not gotten into a fight with Alma when the first met Kanda wouldn't even have thought Alma was _capable_ of fighting. Alma was just…Alma just wasn't _like_ that….

Kanda clenched the handle of Mugen, and exhaled shakily. Whatever had happened to Alma, he didn't deserve it. Alma hadn't deserved to be dragged into _any_ of this.

And Kanda had been useless in preventing it. Fuck, just what was the point then? What was the point of Kanda synchronizing with innocence if he _couldn't even save the person he cared for most_?

"Damn it, Alma…" Kanda cursed, his voice soft.

The sound of something moving reached Kanda's ears, and he looked up, immediately alert. Readying Mugen, Kanda glanced around; he didn't see anything, he _knew_ he had heard something. Up until this point, it had been far too silent for Kanda to have imagined it.

Stealthily, Kanda walked on. He stopped when he passed on chamber in particular, that was slightly larger.

Hesitantly, Kanda walked inside. He saw the interior was completely ice, and almost iridescent in the way the light reflected off of it. Icicles hung down from the ceiling, which was supported by pillars that appeared to be naturally formed rather than manmade.

There was also a mirror in the room. Large, tear-shaped…

And it looked like it had two pieces missing.

Kanda frowned. _'Weird…'_ He thought to himself. Could this have been what that akuma was hiding? _Why_?

"It's not even a complete mirror…" Kanda murmured. He glanced around the room, to see if perhaps there was anything else unusual. His eyes eventually landed on what appeared to be a jacket that had been discarded, and…some other clothes? _That_ wasn't normal…

Kanda was about to go and inspect it, but there was another sound – this time, footsteps. Kanda tensed, and looked around. "Who's there?" He asked sharply. Kanda kept his grip on Mugen tight. "I can _hear_ you, so you might as well come out!"

Once again, there were footsteps. They were light, and almost inaudible, but Kanda could hear them on the icy ground. They were behind him.

Kanda turned. He was partly prepared to attack if need be, sword ready-

He stopped immediately.

Kanda felt frozen. Completely, utterly frozen. It was as though an invisible fist was clenching at his heart, stiffening it so that it couldn't even beat properly. _'No…that…that isn't…'_

It couldn't have been him, but God, it _looked_ like him. The facial features, the hair, even the eye shape. But the eye color was wrong; it was closer to silver than sky blue, and the skin was too pale. The skin was too pale, and it was marred and covered with the markings of an akuma.

It…it looked so much like…

"Alma…" 

* * *

**A/N:** Okay, so this took longer than I planned on getting out (just over a month, which isn't as terrible as it could have been, but still isn't great), so I do apologize for that. Work has been wild the last few weeks, and I had to push to get this chapter out today (it doesn't help that I really struggle with action sequences – they slow my writing tremendously). But, a lot does happen here, so hopefully it was at least somewhat worth the wait. XD

Anyways, because we're actually getting closer to the end of this story (there's only a little more left, guys!) I'm leaving some extra notes with this one, also because just a lot goes down. I realize the plot for this AU is pretty layered, and at times isn't the clearest. It's been hard up until now to say too much about certain things because I never like to risk giving spoilers (which, that probably comes from my own personal preference, and that being said if you prefer to connect the dots on your own I'd advise you stop reading now since I'm going to hash out things below).

WITH THAT BEING SAID, INTENSE AUTHOR SPECIAL EDITION COMMENTARY BELOW:

This chapter is one that I initially had thought about breaking up more, because it switches scenes a lot. But I ended up keeping it together because I didn't see the point of dragging out updates and thought this could make up for some of the slower pacing the story previously had. This did make it a little harder to write in one swoop, because I had to keep jumping scenes and moods. Overall, I'm okay with how it turned out, though it's a chapter I'll definitely be revising (as I will for the rest of this story once it's completely posted) for choppiness.

Alma shows up a lot more in this chapter than previous ones, and I'm glad for that. Anyone who has seen my Tumblr knows Alma is pretty much my favorite DGM character and trash child, and he's also my favorite character to write in this AU. This is primarily because of the psychological component that goes into writing him; he starts off in this AU as a more lighthearted character, but looking back it's still seen he'd dealt with a lot of mistreatment and neglect. It's be really naïve and unrealistic to say that sort of thing didn't leave a mark on Alma, though in this AU he's had the personality type to keep things bottled in and not really ever address them – which becomes dangerous when you get pierced with a dark matter shard and turn into an akuma. A lot of those ugly feelings have come to light, and on top of that there's the primal akuma instinct Alma has (ex. Sensing when other humans and innocence are around).

But, in this chapter Alma doesn't completely give in, and I think that's important to point out. Alma still has some of his humanity, and just because he suffers from those dark emotions doesn't mean he's evil or beyond saving. He's just trapped, and doesn't know how to get out, and he definitely /wants/ out.

Anita's another character who shows up a bit more, and I sort of was struggling with how to go into her story. From the start I knew she'd be a more ambiguous character (as is the Snow Queen, which is the fairytale role Anita's is based off of), and not really "evil" either. Flawed and touched by dark matter, but someone who is still trying to hold onto their own humanity and also a love that can never be fulfilled. Which…I had mixed emotions about doing that to Anita, but the truth is it happens more easily than people like to admit. I think anyone reading this who has fallen in love deep enough will get that there are some /really/ intense things a person might do. I'm not saying it's right, but to me it did play a huge factor in Anita's motivation in helping the person she fell in love with (which, I don't think I need to explicitly state who it is. XD).

Tyki makes a brief appearance in this chapter as well, but I can't comment on him too much, except that I have a plan for him so just roll with me on this.

Now, we also have Kanda, Lavi, and Allen (and Tim). By now it hopefully makes more sense as to why I brought in Allen; he and Tim were sort of a way for Kanda to get to the exact location where Alma would be. I mean, technically I could have omitted Allen's character, but I think for me personally the story was missing something, and I feel like it sort of solidified the way Cross has been gradually playing into this (which, admittedly is subtle; he's not the focus of the story, but his existence didn't have a huge impact on Anita, and really keeping the plot in motion). So, I can't guarantee how much more about him will be seen or visited since the focus of this is supposed to be on Kanda and Alma, but I wanted to comment on that as well.

Which, brings us to Kanda. Yes, I basically knocked his ass into a cavern, which was hard to write because I was trying to keep it at least somewhat in character. But, given that this is where Kanda is finally getting to where Alma is, I wanted to ensure that Kanda would be alone when he sees Alma. I didn't want Allen or Lavi there, so separating them in the scuffle and keep them with Mahoja seemed like the best plan. I just wanted to keep the moment where Kanda first sees Alma intimate, and having an extra party there would have ruined it (for me, at least).

And…that leaves us on our cliffhanger. XD

Super lengthy note here, and hopefully it offered some insight and clarity to anyone who wanted/needed it. And please continue to harass me so I finish this story. XD

As always, comments welcome – please feel free to find me on Tumblr as well! 3


	25. Things That Burn

**Chapter Warning:** Character death and intensive fighting ahead.

 **Lotus in the Snow (Snow Queen AU)**

 **Chapter Twenty-Four**  
 _Things That Burn_ __

 __The room was silent, and no one moved. No one spoke, and the air felt empty.

Kanda couldn't even hear himself breathe. Was he breathing? He didn't know – his throat felt dry, and his lungs didn't seem to be working properly. Kanda's whole body felt as though it had been paralyzed, as though he had accidentally looked into the eyes of some kind of gorgon that he had not at all been prepared to face. Except those eyes belonged to…

 _'No,'_ Kanda told himself. He wanted to shake his head, but he couldn't even do _that_. _'It's not him. That's not Alma.'_

Kanda had seen this bullshit before. He remembered the witch's cabin, where that girl – _Road_ – had somehow taken Alma's form. Immediately, Kanda felt anger overtake him. Was that what was happening now? Was this some kind of sick joke, or a twisted game that she could have been behind? God, but Kanda thought he had beaten her….or had Road survived? She must have, and she must have been toying with Kanda again. Hell, this was probably some messed up payback she was trying to get on Kanda.

Kanda was gripping Mugen so tightly that his knuckles were white. _'That….that damn witch...I swear if she's fucking with me again-'_

"Do I know you?"

The words cut through the silence, though they were soft and cool; they reminded Kanda of freshly fallen snow late at night, cold and alluring, yet without a trace of warmth.

His own voice faltering, Kanda could only stare at the akuma ( _'It's not Alma,'_ He kept whispering to himself), his gaze lingering on the uncanny similarities. The hair, the nose – everything looked so close to Alma, yet the akuma appeared entirely different. Nothing at all like the Alma Kanda knew – the kind who was always smiling, and cheery, and so foolishly optimistic…

The akuma – _Alma_ – frowned, expression cold as he stepped forward. "You said my name just now," He repeated steadily. "So do I know you or don't I?"

The second time he asked, he sounded somewhat frustrated. Kanda stiffened even more, not that he knew how that was possible. But...if this was Road, why was she toying with him this way? Why have a fake "Alma" who couldn't even remember Kanda? Was it a way to torture him even more?

Kanda glared at the akuma. "If it's you, Road, you might as well give up the act now. I don't have time for this crap."

A perplexed look crossed (the fake) Alma's features. "Road? Sorry, no idea who that is," He spoke, brushing off the accusation. Lifting his hand, Alma opened his palm as several electric currents sparked out, an orb of dark energy collecting in his hand. "But if you're not going to tell me anything then I _really_ don't see the point of you hanging around. I've had enough of people keeping things from me…"

 _Kanda stood up also, and quickly grabbed Alma by the wrist. "Alma-"_

Alma turned swiftly, expression pained and frustrated. "What?" Alma asked. "What is it? Because I'm really over hearing about how you have to leave for whatever reason when you can't even tell me why!"

Kanda's jaw tightened and he could feel Mugen's energy burn in his grasp as he recalled the memory. Those words…they were like a knife twisting into him, as he recalled one of the last nights he had been with Alma. Alma had been angry and hurt because Kanda wasn't telling him why he was leaving, and because Kanda had been _keeping_ things from Alma. Guilt weighed down onto Kanda, as he thought about how cruel his actions had been toward Alma, and about how cruel it would have been to have just _left_ Alma. Always wondering, never knowing…

Just like Kanda was now.

Unless, this really was-

Kanda activated Mugen. He stared at Alma – whatever the akuma wanted to call himself – coldly. "If you're going to fight me, then just do it. I'm not here to talk and just because you look like Alma doesn't mean I'm going to fall for that crap."

Alma's expression darkened. "You have a lot of fucking nerve, you know that?" He hissed. "Acting like you _know_ me? You don't know _anything_ about me!" He shouted, before firing an attack on Kanda.

Kanda jumped, quickly focusing on Mugen's energy. "Second illusion!" He spoke. Running his fingers down the blade, Kanda focused all he could before harnessing the energy of his innocence, creating a second sword of pure energy. Placing the blades together, he just barely managed to block a second attack from Alma, reflecting the dark energy that had been directed at him.

Alma had to swiftly move out of the way to avoid his own attack that had been reflected. The blast instead hit the icy wall. Alma didn't bother to focus on the damage, and instead and to jump back again to avoid a sudden attack from Kanda.

Kanda quickly tried to slash at Alma; he forced himself to do so, with each attack breaking him from the inside out. _'It's not Alma, don't fall for it, Alma_ isn't _an akuma…!'_

A few of the blows hit Alma, and one in particular got the side of his torso. Alma winced, and Kanda caught sight of the expression, faltering.

 _Tyki placed a hand on his hip nonchalantly, with a small smirk on his lips. "Technically, I didn't really do anything," He answered simply, before his smirk widened. "Your little friend was well on his way to becoming an akuma already. So why don't you let me take him off your hands for you, eh?"_

 _The color drained from Kanda's face, and his heart dropped._ 'No,' _He thought. No….there….there was_ no way _. No way that…_

 _Kanda's shoulders shook. "Bull_ shit _," Kanda growled, his voice low yet seething._

 _An amused gleam danced in Tyki's eyes, with pleasure lingering in his smile. "Oh?" He pressed, not at all wary of taunting the exorcist further. "It's true. The shard that pierced him contained dark matter – specially the essence from a previous akuma," He explained with a grin. "It's already almost to his heart, so you might as well let me take him unless you just want to do away with him yourself."_

 _That night, that strange man – Tyki – had told Kanda Alma had had something done to him, and was becoming an akuma. At the time, Kanda hadn't believed it; it made no sense, and it wasn't like such a thing had happened before. Ultimately, Kanda had written it off as that he was being screwed with. But…now he wasn't sure, and the chilling reality that perhaps Tyki could have been right burned in the back of Kanda's mind._

Kanda felt shaky, and his heart was cold. What…what if this _was_ Alma?

The moment of hesitation proved to be a downfall, as Alma composed himself more quickly than Kanda. Palm upward, an eye appeared in each one as electricity sparked outward. Unlike the dark matter blast he had used previously, this attack instead sparked out in longer electric currents.

Before Kanda could properly react, he was thrown back onto the ground, momentarily paralyzed from the electricity. Kanda attempted to stand, but the current seemed to weigh down on him, pinning him to the ground as his body burned from the electricity. He grimaced, as he looked at Alma. "Al…Alma…" He spoke through gritted teeth.

Taking a second to heal the side of his torso, Alma approached Kanda. "There you go again, using my name," Alma remarked. He crouched down over Kanda, looking at him contemplatively. "But I have no idea who you are. Ugh, and looking at you just really pisses me off for some reason…"

Slowly, Alma traced his hand over Kanda's throat, and pressed down. It wasn't enough to suffocate Kanda, but the intent was there. Alma looked down at Kanda coldly. "Maybe I' should just choke you to death. You humans are such terrible creatures. All you do is lie to and hurt each other – it's _despicable_."

Kanda gritted his teeth. Fuck, this was twisted – was this Alma or wasn't it? He couldn't tell, and he had no idea anymore. If it was…Kanda just couldn't understand where this was coming from, and how this could possibly the same Alma _he_ had known back in the village. "Alma….if it's fucking you in there…."

Alma's eyes narrowed. "What are you going on about?" He asked, impatience running through his words. "You're not making any sense, and it's so _annoying-_ "

Alma's words abruptly stopped, breath hitching in his throat. For a few seconds, he himself appeared paralyzed, body completely still and stiff. His eyes were slightly wide too, and no longer focused on Kanda – they were focused on something off to the side.

Confused, Kanda's eyes flickered over to see just what it was that had caught Alma's attention.

There, on the ground, was the lotus pin.

Kanda realized it must have fallen out from the impact of him being thrown back. Turning, Kanda faced Alma once again; he could see that Alma was still looking at it, with a far off look in his eyes. "That…pin…" He murmured, her voice suddenly close to inaudible.

Suddenly, Alma's eye color shifted from silver to sky blue. The sky blue that Kanda remembered Alma having.

Alma's eyes widened even more, and something else flickered in them: fear, hurt, _recognition._ There was an unanticipated vulnerability in those eyes that Kanda couldn't ignore, and it made the reality come crashing down onto him – _those were Alma's eyes._

Alma pulled back, as though he had been seared by being too close to Kanda. Because of his distraction, the paralysis from the electrical attack dissolved, allowing Kanda to move.

Kanda quickly tried to get up. "Alma-"

Alma kept his distance, his stance defensive. For a few seconds longer, his eyes remained blue, but then soon shifted back to silver. Once more, they were sharp and filled with venom; they reminded Kanda of the eyes of a wild animal that had just been attacked, and backed into a corner.

They were nothing like Alma's eyes, and yet somehow in his gut, Kanda now _knew_ it was Alma.

Kanda was still after he had gotten his footing, and his mind rushed to figure out what to do next. He could feel himself reeling from the shock though, and still struggled to fathom that this akuma _was_ Alma. It was such a messed up turn of events; all this time Kanda had been searching for Alma, _praying_ he wasn't dead, and this whole time Alma had been becoming _this?_ _How the hell was Kanda supposed to even handle this shit?_

Kanda kept cursing to himself. Think, think, _think_. "Why are you acting this way?" Kanda asked, his voice laced with frustration despite his intent _not_ to do so. He didn't even know if his words would do anything. "Tell me, Alma!"

Alma's fist clenched, and he looked at Kanda scathingly. "Just shut up!" He snapped, before once again attacking. Kanda dodged, using his sword to block on of Alma's hits; now, Alma was in close proximity, fighting in a more hand-to-hand combat manner.

Kanda kept blocking. It was weak – he knew he was being weak. In any other situation he would have unleashed an illusion, or hit his target directly. But this was Alma, and all Kanda could too was grit his teeth as he kept delaying an attack. "Damn it, don't make me fucking fight you!"

Mugen sparked in Kanda's grasp as he blocked another hit, and Kanda forced himself not to react to it. It took him by surprise though – hadn't Komui repaired Mugen so that it would be less temperamental? _'Don't turn on me now, Mugen.'_

Unless, the innocence _wasn't_ turning on Kanda. What was it Komui had warned Kanda about? About the will of the innocence needing to align with the will of the accommodator? If that was the case…

Kanda glanced at Alma. Alma was an akuma, and the point of innocence was to eliminate akuma. And Kanda didn't want to hurt Alma.

 _Fuck_ , this was going to be a real problem.

Alma noticed hesitation, and kept throwing attacks. "Why don't you fight back!? Either fight back or let me get rid of you already!"

Kanda glared, though behind the mask of bitterness was pain. Alma wasn't giving Kanda a choice; Kanda didn't know how far gone Alma was in that moment, and just because Kanda had _seen_ Alma beneath that akuma skin didn't mean that…

 _'…That Alma can be saved…'_ Kanda realized.

Alma might have been beyond saving – beyond saving and beyond being kept _alive_. Kanda realized this; he realized he might not have been able to bring Alma home like he vowed to, and that all of this time and energy might have been spent for nothing.

Kanda hadn't felt this low since the night Alma disappeared.

So, what would Kanda do? Would he just give in, and let _Alma_ kill him? Or would he have…would he have to _kill…_

Inside, something snapped. Kanda didn't know what it was, but he was suddenly so _pissed the hell off_ that he didn't know if he could take it. It was like his blood had just started boiling over, acidic and scorching. Sharply, Kanda blocked another attack of Alma's before shoving him back, and swinging Mugen, and before Kanda knew it he was the one throwing blows and Alma was the one on the defensive.

Kanda hated this. He hated everything about this. He hated that Alma was now like this (if it really _was_ Alma), and Kanda hated even more that _he_ was the one who had to fight Alma – because he couldn't let Alma stay this way. He couldn't let Alma live like this, with his soul trapped and rotting away in a mesh of dark matter. Kanda just _couldn't do it_.

So if the only way to save Alma was to kill him, Kanda would do it. He had to. 

* * *

Tyki crossed his arms, remaining at the edge of the woods. He had seen the fight when it started, and was now currently watching the altercation continue. A neutral look remained on his face, as his golden eyes evaluated the scene: one akuma against three exorcists. Well, against _two_ exorcists now – the one with the dark ponytail had ended up vanishing in all the chaos, though Tyki suspected the clumsy human fell or something.

Bringing a finger to his chin, Tyki caught sight of the akuma. Burly, and strong – from a distance, Tyki found it to be more masculine looking, but something seemed off. He'd seen that akuma before, but where?

 _'Unless…it's the same one that was with_ her _,'_ Tyki realized, as he recalled that akuma who had gone rogue – the woman who had basically made it her bloody mission to collect _all_ of the Millennium Earl's mirror shards. When she had first started to do so, she hadn't been alone; Tyki recalled when he first saw her years ago, and a second akuma that had been with her.

Which looked an awful lot like this one.

The side of Tyki's mouth upturned. So, _this_ was where they'd been hiding. Tyki wondered if Cross was possibly tied into this after all. It certainly would have made his job easier. And if not…well, then at least the trip hadn't been worthless.

Tyki's attention returned to the fight. He noticed that it looked like it could go either way, with the akuma _or_ the exorcists possibly being victorious.

That wouldn't do – if both parties were eliminated, then that would be preferable.

Taking out several playing cards, Tyki threw them onto the ground. As soon as they touched the snow, they sizzled, smoking into darkness as they swelled and shifted into larger forms. Within seconds, several newly formed akuma had been created, with the tortured souls having been imprisoned in the cards until they could be released by the command of a Noah.

Tyki glanced at them, then nudged his head over toward where the fight was currently taking place. "Make sure to take them all out. I don't feel like dealing with them right now."

The akuma didn't need to be commanded a second time, and quickly departed onto the battlefield. 

* * *

"Fire seal!" Lavi shouted, as a flame-like serpent emerged from his hammer. It melted the icy blast the akuma had just sent in his direction, though she quickly attempted to send another.

Lavi jumped back, landing close to Allen. "Man, Kanda _really_ picked a bad time to fall into a hole!"

"I don't think he meant to!" Allen shouted back. Readying an attack, he moved his gaze to the akuma, spotting her through the flurry of powdery snow. As he zoned in his gaze, Allen's eye suddenly activated once more, causing him to hinder his attack.

Lavi noticed this. "What? What is it?"

Allen furrowed his brow. "There's…there's something off about this akuma. Normally I can see the soul of who's wearing the skin, but it's almost like it's the original soul to begin with…"

Lavi frowned. "What do you mean-"

Eyes widening, Allen seemed to notice something else. "Lavi, there's more akuma!"

Turning, Lavi saw Allen was right. Somehow, several more akuma had appeared. Lavi sighed. " _Great_ , now it's a party," He remarked sarcastically before the akuma began to attack.

As more chaos erupted, Allen noticed the akuma that they had initially been fighting. To his surprise, he saw that the akuma looked… _alarmed_. Which was unusual – weren't akuma programmed to fight along side each other, at least in the midst of innocence? Why would this akuma _not_ want others around?

Allen was momentarily distracted, as an akuma fired at attack. It barely scraped his left arm, which sizzled with several pentacles. Fortunately, they disappeared, as his parasitic innocence allowed him to be immune to the toxicity of the akuma virus.

Allen looked up, just in time to see the other akuma quickly fleeing, evading the other akuma. He only caught a glimpse of her disappearing into the same crevice Kanda had fallen into before she was entirely out of sight.

Quickly, Allen shifted his focus, seeking where Lavi was. When he spotted the other exorcist a few yards away, he called to him. "Lavi, the other akuma left!"

Lavi blocked an attack, and turned to Allen with a questioning look. "What do you mean the other akuma _left_!?"

"I think they went underground where Kanda ended up – we need to get down there!"

Lavi nodded in understanding, but saw an akuma was about to throw another blast his way. Swiftly, he cast a look in Allen's direction before motioning to the crevice. "You make a break for it since you're closer – I'll follow!"

Knowing he only had a few seconds at best, Allen made a run for it. It didn't take long for the other akuma to notice his movements though, which caused them to fire in his direction. Allen barely had made it to the crevice before he clutched to the side of it with his innocence, extending the arm so he could try to let himself down-

 _Blast._

Smoke, snow, and icy debris seemed to fly everywhere as an attacked brutally impacted the opening of the crevice. Allen's eyes widened as the piece of ice he had been clinging to broke off, along with several other chunks. He fell, catching himself as he smashed his innocence-infused arm into the side of the wall, sharply breaking his fall. Clinging to the side, Allen held still, waiting for the rocky ice to cease falling.

A few seconds passed, and it stopped.

Allen exhaled, then looked up from where he was hanging.

The opening to the crevice had been blocked off, completely shut away with ice and snow.

"Great…" Allen muttered, remembering that Lavi was still stuck above. And Tim.

Allen exhaled, slightly frustrated before he started to extend his innocence again until he reached the ground. Once he was there, he retracted his arm, but he kept his innocence activated. He needed to get out, but had to find a new way – and there was no telling _what_ was hanging around in the cavern.

Allen looked around. He didn't see any signs of the first akuma they had seen, or Kanda. But they both were around somewhere.

Somewhere in the distance, there was the sound of a blast. At first, Allen thought that perhaps it was an attack from above – but as he listened he realized it was coming from deep in the cavern.

Quickly, Allen started running. 

* * *

It didn't take long for Tyki to navigate through the cavern. It was illuminated well enough that he could see with ease, and if anything, the sound of _fighting_ was also enough of a giveaway to give Tyki an idea of where to go. He was of course wary as not to draw too much attention to himself; he was more the type to assess the situation prior to actually getting involved immediately.

He had located the sound of the confrontation though: that exorcist, _Kanda_ , fighting with an akuma that Tyki recognized as that one guy who had been pierced by a mirror shard.

Well, _this_ was certainly unanticipated.

Tyki was intrigued, and silently watched for a few seconds. He admittedly was quite captured by the spar, and wondered just who would get killed first; it was hard to say, as they were both putting up quite a fight. The entertainment could have possibly gone on for hours.

Watching their movements carefully, Tyki's eyes then flickered to the far end of the room, and saw the mirror. His eyes widened slightly.

So, this really _was_ where it had been all this time.

Suddenly, it didn't matter if Tyki found Cross or not. Regardless of where the man was, Tyki now had something else to take into account, and knew that this discovery would be quite valuable. However, given that the mirror was here, it was for certain confirmation that the rogue akuma – _Anita_ – was somewhere close by as well.

Tyki had to act fast; it wouldn't be good to let her escape.

Without being noticed, Tyki left, leaving Kanda and Alma to their fight. 

* * *

Anita knew something was wrong. She could _feel_ it. The presence of humans. Of akuma. Anita could feel _everything._

Just barely she managed to sit up, though she could feel where part of her body was now frozen over. It was hard to maneuver, and the flesh that was still soft and connected pulled and scorched with frost painfully.

Her face grimaced. Not now. Not now when she was so _close_ …

How many years had she been this way now? How long had it been? Anita at times felt pieces of her memory slipping, just as every pierced soul inevitably experienced. She was not immune to the hatred that coiled within her either – a result of the dark matter's influence, burning and twisting.

That hatred was for the Millennium Earl, and what he had done. Recovering the mirror shards before he could, and ensuring no one else would _ever_ be touched by it again…that was what Anita had sworn she would do.

 _She knew she was infected; it had spread too far, and Anita couldn't be saved. Her insides withered, and she felt as though she were_ dying _. Dark emotions, and venomous sensations Anita had never thought existed within her flourished, ripping her apart from the inside out. She bit back a scream, as her consciousness threatened to diminish._

 _Mahoja held her, as though her embrace might have somehow kept Anita safe. She gritted her teeth, and looked back, glaring at the man behind her. "You have to do something!"_

 _Cross's expression was grim, and his eyes dark. For once, his unreadable mask he tended to wear appeared cracked, and faulty. He closed his eyes, forcing himself to exhale lowly. "I can't."_

 _"What do you mean you_ can't _? You saw where the shard went it – take it out of her!"_

 _Cross looked at Mahoja, eyes flashing while the rest of his expression remained hard. "You really think I'd let her suffer like this if I could?" He asked, words cold. "I can't see where it's moved. And my innocence will only kill her if I try to remove it from the wrong place."_

 _Mahoja looked as though she could have punched him. "You worthless son of a-"_

 _"Ma..Mahoja…"_

 _Anita's words were frail, broken from the darkening anguish she felt within herself. Each word hurt to say, and it felt as though she were choking – but she forced herself to speak. "Take…take me somewhere away from his innocence…I'll….fight it…"_

 _Mahoja stopped upon hearing this, and looked as though she were tempted to argue. However, she nodded, not wanting to disrespect the wishes of her master._

 _Mahoja stood, holding Anita, and turned to Cross, eyes threatening._

 _Cross seemed to know what Mahoja was thinking before she said anything, and spoke first. "The Order won't know. I won't return until this is resolved," He assured. "Make sure she's hidden."_

 _Mahoja turned her back to him. "I will."_

Anita needed to move. She couldn't stay like this, and needed to find out what was happening. But, as she attempted to stand, she found her legs were barely moving properly – one was now covered in ice as well.

The door to her room opened, and Anita looked up. She expected to see Mahoja, but her body went rigid when she saw someone else.

Tyki looked at Anita, and smiled. "I'd say you look good after all this time, but that'd be a bit of a stretch," He commented casually, while approaching her.

Anita looked at Tyki with a frosty gaze. Tyki just grinned. "Not a warm welcome, huh? Guess it'd have been unrealistic to expect such," He added, as he was now standing in front of her. Since she was seated on the bed, he crouched down. "I actually came here to look for Cross. I didn't expect to find you here."

Anita's lips went into a thin line. "I'm not about to tell you his whereabouts, if that's what you want."

Tyki laughed. "Not at all, though eventually I'll need to find him," He said. Tyki's eyes remained on Anita, as he scrutinized her. "But here you are, and looking quite defenseless it seems. You can't even move properly."

To this, Anita didn't respond, and she tried to keep her expression unreadable. Something in between trepidation and disgust flickered within her eyes.

Tyki sighed. "I supposed I should go ahead and get this over with," He spoke, as he placed a hand on Anita's shoulder, tracing it down to her heart. "You're pretty much useless now, even with that mirror shard in you. But I'll send your regards to Cross."

Tyki didn't wait a second longer before placing his hand into Anita, ripping the shard out. 

* * *

_Slash. Dodge. Hit. Slash.  
_  
Alma kept jumping, and dodging Kanda's swings. He was inhumanly quick in his movements, and each time Kanda thought he had him Alma just _evaded_ him. It was hell, and Kanda felt like he was losing his mind fighting this way.

"You were acting like you wanted to fight, so why are you still running!?" Kanda snapped, as he once again missed Alma – this time by not even an inch.

The accusation seemed to incense Alma, who's silvery eyes glowered in Kanda's direction. "I'm not running from anything!" He snarled, before suddenly throwing an attack of dark energy in Kanda's direction.

Kanda blocked it with Mugen, the energy sparking against the blade. "Second illusion!" He called, once again creating a second version of his innocence made of pure energy. Upon creating the second blade, Kanda immediately went back on the offensive, attacking Alma as Alma continued to block.

Kanda could feel his frustration increasing. One minute, Alma was completely offensive in his movements, but the next minute he would suddenly go defensive. But Kanda had _seen_ stronger attacks from Alma earlier on – he was sure Alma was capable of more.

It didn't make sense to Kanda. If Alma was an akuma – one that couldn't even _remember_ Kanda – then why hold back?

 _'He's messing with me!'_ Kanda tried – _tried_ – to tell himself. That it was all a ploy to keep Kanda hesitating, to keep Kanda from doing his job as an exorcist. If this was Alma, and he was an akuma, then hell, that didn't even mean it was still _Alma's_ soul in there…even if Kanda thought he had seen it…

Alma was quickly evading Kanda still, and in a split second act of impulse Kanda enacted another element of Mugen's power. "Ascending flower: triple illusion!"

A surge of power flooded Kanda, and for a few seconds he was able to increase his speed, catching up to Alma. From there he used both swords to pin the akuma back against one of the walls, holding him down.

 _'Do it. Get it over with.'_

Alma didn't move, body tense. On each side of him was a blade, both of which could have ended him _easily._

Alma knew this. Kanda knew this.

Kanda didn't move either.

 _'D-Damn it…'_ Kanda thought, teeth grinding down onto each other. He needed to end this somehow – he _had_ to. An akuma was right in front of him, and Kanda had the upper hand in that moment. But, the akuma was Alma, and he was staring back at Kanda, eyes slightly white and expression ridden with agitation and, god forbid, _fear_. For a brief second Kanda found himself thinking back to when they had first met, and Alma had caught him off guard in the church and caused Kanda to draw his sword on him.

Kanda could feel his resolve buckle in the instant.

"Why…" Kanda started, not even sure what it was he was trying to articulate. He was looking down, so close to Alma, yet feeling so horribly cut off and far away.

"Why…why the hell are you so _pissed off_?" Kanda finally asked, still unable to look Alma directly in the eye. "Is it because you're an akuma now?"

The question seemed to throw Alma off guard, who didn't respond. So, Kanda continued.

"Is that why you fucking hate me so much now?" He asked, words quiet, and shoved out. "Or did.."

 _"Alma, I…" He started, trailing off when he noticed how close their faces were._

Alma didn't say anything though, and like Kanda he found himself unable to pull away, with the draw between them feeling more magnetic than anything Alma had ever experienced. Pulling in, Alma leaned his forehead against Kanda's, his eyes looking downward for a second before he closed his eyes, and very gently brushed his lips against Kanda's.

Another falter, and Kanda forced himself to look up abruptly. "Did none of what happened that night mean _shit_ to you!?"

Alma froze as he heard the rawness of Kanda's words. Despite the difference in eye color and akuma markings beneath his eyes, his expression shifted into one that was entirely caught off guard. But Alma just couldn't understand – he couldn't understand what Kanda was even _talking_ about…

Kanda exhaled shakily, then pushed himself back away from Alma, releasing the energy copy of Mugen. He just…Kanda just couldn't _do it_ …

"Well, _that's_ anti-climactic."

Kanda turned, hearing the voice – the voice that he immediately recognized. Tyki was there, looking the exact same as he had the last time Kanda had seen him: same dark hair, same golden eyes – and the same obnoxious smirk that Kanda would _eagerly_ slice off of Tyki's face once close enough.

Despite Kanda's glowering, Tyki went on. "I was almost hoping for some more entertainment with you two, but maybe it's for the best. I've already got one of those last two shard pieces, but I still need the other one-"

Tyki was cut off as Kanda charged at him, swinging Mugen. Tyki maneuvered out of the way, swift and gracefully as he avoided Kanda's attacks. He created several shields of energy to block, before he spoke to Kanda in between hits.

"You know, my fight doesn't have to be with _you_ ," He pointed out. "Just let me get that last shard and I'll be on my way!"

"Fuck you!" Kanda snarled, now realizing what Tyki meant to do. He was talking about Alma – about whatever _shard_ had pierced him.

Kanda would be damned if he let this bastard touch Alma, akuma or not.

Tyki rolled his eyes. "Whatever then," He spoke, before his expression turned serious as he started to fight back. At one point, Kanda had tried to harness Mugen's energy to direct it in his next hit at Tyki; but, Tyki used his shield to rebound the energy, causing Kanda to fly back into the wall.

While Kanda was briefly down, Tyki disappeared, then reappeared in front of Alma. "Long time, no see," He greeted.

Alma tensed, before recognition flashed in his eyes. "I've seen you before…!"

"Aw, glad you remember me – now are you going to make this easy, or difficult?"

Eyes narrowing, Alma extended his tail, using it as a whip against Tyki. "Back off!"

"Huh. Guess not," Tyki confirmed before throwing an attack.

Kanda grimaced as he tried to get up; the side of his face had hit the wall, and he could feel the warm, coppery taste of blood in his mouth. His side hurt too – and it felt like ice had cut into it. _'Ugh…'_

Someone ran into the chamber, nearly slipping as they skidded to a halt. Kanda turned, and saw it was Allen.

Spotting Kanda, Allen's eyes widened slightly. "Kanda!" He shouted running over to him. Kneeling beside him, Allen's eyes moved to his side briefly. "You're bleeding-"

"I'm _fine,_ " Kanda argued, as he forced himself up more. "Where's Lavi?"

"He's still up above – the entrance got blocked off when more akuma appeared-"

Allen stopped talking as a crash was heard: an attack being thrown from Alma, at Tyki. Allen could feel his eye activate, especially as he focused on Alma. However, when he looked at Tyki he couldn't see anything to indicate he was any kind of akuma.

Allen frowned. "That man fighting the akuma-"

"He's not a man," Kanda interrupted. "So…don't be trying to help his ass. He's part of the problem."

Not waiting for Allen to respond, Kanda stood, ignoring the pain in his side. He felt a wave of energy from over his left heart through – where the seal was Komui had placed – and a small, soothing sensation pooled over where the wound on his side was. It wasn't gone completely, but moving definitely felt easier.

Allen stood as well. "Kanda, you just got _hurt_ ," Allen pointed out, "Let me take them on – I can at least try to handle the akuma-"

Kanda whipped his head in Allen's direction, glaring. "Don't _fucking go near him!"_ He snapped, completely taking Allen by surprise.

Realizing how insane he probably sounded, Kanda averted his gaze, fist clenching onto Mugen. "I'll…I'll handle him…."

Allen's surprise melted, and a small frown appeared on his face. He could tell something was off given how Kanda had reacted, but Allen couldn't quite figure out just what was going on.

Meanwhile, Alma was currently fending off Tyki. He could feel himself beginning to panic; the man might not have been an akuma like Alma, but he was strong and he was _fast_.

Tyki could see Alma's nerves kicking in. "You know, even as an akuma you only can fight so much before even _you_ start to reach a limit. Especially against a Noah."

Alma glared, and impulsively threw an attack of dark energy at Tyki. Tyki reflected it through, and the attack backfired on Alma, causing him to fall back.

Tyki approached Alma. "Now if you be a nice little akuma and _hold still-_ "

Kanda cut in, blocking off Alma. He immediately called a first illusion attack, sending a swarm of ghostly insects in Tyki's direction. As they momentarily distracted Tyki, Kanda quickly slashed at the Noah, not once holding back.

Preparing his innocence for an attack, Allen hesitated when his eye again activated. He looked back over in Alma's direction, frowning. _'That one is different…but why?'_ He wondered, not sure what it was his eye was trying to show him. Usually, it was just the souls of whoever was occupying the akuma body – but when Allen saw this soul he saw it was…

 _'It's the same person who was in the body originally?'_ He realized, never having seen such before. Allen focused, looking more closely. He could see _something_ off…

Tyki was flung back across the room. Kanda had just landed another attack, practically seething. He looked as though he was about to invoke another attack of sorts, when Allen quickly caught up to him.

"Kanda, wait!" Allen started, as he tried to keep Kanda from going after Tyki.

Kanda growled, and try to push Allen out of the way. "Let me finish him, Beansprout!"

" _Kanda_!" Allen snapped, as he refused to let Kanda go after Tyki. "Kanda, that akuma back there – you know him?"

Kanda froze, momentarily stunned by the question.

Allen continued. "You know him, don't you? That's why you don't want anyone else attacking him," Allen pointed out. "Kanda, whatever made him into an akuma, it's right to the left of his heart – I don't know what it is, but it's whatever's affecting him-"

Kanda was just barely able to take in Allen's words. Why…why was hell telling Kanda this? The beansprout had been able to detect akuma with his eye, so did that mean he could see _into_ akuma? If so, then that meant that whatever Allen had seen was the shard that pierced Alma…

 _'Right to the left of his heart…'_ Kanda silently repeated. Not completely in it. To the left of it.

Allen's arm glowed, the energy of his own innocence pulsating. "You said you'd handle him," Allen spoke, eyes flickering in Alma's direction. "I'll handle the other one."

A beat of a second passed, and Kanda ran back to where Alma was.

As soon as Kanda took off, Allen turned to where Tyki was. His eyes narrowed when he saw Tyki was no longer in the room though. _'Where did he go!?'_ Allen thought, before he glanced over to the chamber opening. Realizing Tyki likely was out there, Allen ran out of the room, attempting to track him down.

Not even noticing Allen's departure, Kanda found where Alma was. He was still on the ground, his flesh pale and cracked-looking in several places. Kanda immediately felt a pang of fear – shit, how much damage had Tyki done to him? "Alma!"

Kanda's presence seemed to alert Alma, whose eyes remained wide as though in a panic. Instinctively, he threw another attack at Kanda. "Stay away from me!"

The attack nearly got Kanda's shoulder, causing him to wince. "Alma, listen to me-" He tried to speak, but was cut off as Alma threw another attack. At some point, Alma had managed to get up, but he was clearly weakened from the earlier fighting.

"No! I don't want anyone near me!" Alma shouted, though this time his voice sounded more _pained_ than anything else.

Kanda bit the inside of his cheek, once more tasting the warmth of his own blood. Seeing Alma this way….he couldn't stand it.

Kanda raised Mugen to block an attack, and his mind raced. Alma didn't seem to be giving in, and was only go to push himself too much if he kept fighting – and Kanda couldn't fight forever either. Something had to give, and as time was running out Kanda _knew_ that the inevitable was coming. _'Alma…'_

They were within close enough proximity, and Kanda knew this was it. If he didn't make himself do it now, he knew he would never see it through. The knowledge of what he was going to have to do tortured him, and he wanted _so badly_ for anything but this to happen. But, Kanda didn't have any other choice, and the only thing he could do at this point was…

Heart twisting to pieces, Kanda looked at Alma.

Then before he could change his mind he took Mugen and forced it into the left of Alma's chest – just to the side of his heart.

Alma's eyes widened, and they flickered from silver to blue. Staggering, Alma nearly collapsed as Kanda caught him, pulling out Mugen so he could take Alma.

Kanda hated himself in that moment. Truly, and utterly hated himself. He could feel Alma, weak and now going limp, in his hold, and Kanda felt the icy horror of just what he had done poison his insides. "Alma," Kanda spoke, as he felt himself sounding more panicked. "Alma, just stay with me a bit-"

He slunk down to the ground, still holding Alma. The ragged breaths were enough a signal that Alma _was_ still alive, but Kanda had no idea how much longer for – and truthfully, Kanda didn't think Alma would survive. Kanda had just…he had just _stabbed_ Alma…

Fuck, what had he _done_?

"Alma, I'm sorry," Kanda choked, not even realizing their were tears forming in his eyes until he could feel them pool at the corners. "I'm sorry…"

Alma felt fragile, and although he still had a few breaths in him he wasn't _saying_ anything. He didn't appear conscious, and he felt cold.

Kanda pulled Alma close, holding him tight. There was no response. No physical movement. Alma's body was most likely dying, and it was all Kanda's fault. _'It's all my fault. I killed him…I couldn't even_ save _him…'_

Kanda could feel his chest trembling, and suddenly he choked out a sob. "I'm sorry, Alma. I'm so sorry…"

All these days. Weeks. Months. All this time Kanda had spent searching for Alma, swearing that he would save him. Swearing that he would bring him home. Take him back to the village, and hell, maybe if they could have started something together. Because that's what it all came back to, right? Kanda cared about Alma. He had started to care for Alma _so much_ , which was why it had been so hard at the end to leave. Which was probably why Kanda's synchronization had gone down. He didn't want the life he had initially chosen – he wanted to be with Alma.

Because he loved Alma.

Kanda loved Alma, and now he had destroyed him.

Kanda exhaled, trying so hard to hold back another sob. He pressed his face into Alma's hair – soft, and messy. The sob broke out. "I'm so sorry…"

Of course, there was no response. 

* * *

Tyki had needed to get away – not that he had really thought Kanda could have done permanent damage. But the exorcist was damn near _insane_ with how vicious he had been, and Tyki would have rather let Kanda get burnt out before having to deal with that madness. "Seesh, the guy really has some anger issues…"

Footsteps interrupted Tyki's thoughts, and he turned. There, he saw the other akuma from earlier – the one who worked with Anita.

Mahoja stared at Tyki, eyes dark. Her whole body was tense, and she looked as though she were ready to rip someone to pieces. In this case, it seemed like the person was Tyki.

Tyki kept his own face neutral. "I was wondering where you went off to."

Mahoja's eyes narrowed. " _Don't_ even start, you bastard," She growled, before extending an icy blade from the palm of her hand.

"My, that's some foul language. What did I do to incur such wrath?" Tyki asked, before he felt the tip of the blade extend to his neck.

Mahoja had approached him, gaze murderous. "My master did _nothing_ to you," Mahoja snarled, voice low and ominous. "Yet you _killed her-_ "

Tyki's eyes narrowed. "Is that what this is about? You knew her time was limited. I merely took her out of her misery – ah!"

Tyki clasped his hand over his neck, which had been sliced my Mahoja's blade. He jumped back as the wound healed, glaring. "Oh, you want to fight too then? Fine. Might as well get rid of _both_ of you," He started before attacking Mahoja.

Just as the two began fighting, Allen rounded the corner, spying them both. He recognized Mahoja from earlier, but his primary focus remained on Tyki. Quickly, Allen shifted his innocence, forming his left arm into a canon. While Tyki was distracted with the other akuma, Allen fired a blast.

The blast came out of nowhere, nearly catching Tyki. He hissed, annoyed by the interference and quickly threw an attack back, forcefully causing Allen to hit back against one of the walls.

Allen's head jerked back, hitting a chunk of ice. The room spun, and he felt his vision blur. "C-Crap…" He muttered, as he could feel himself losing consciousness.

He just caught sight of Tyki fighting Mahoja, before he blacked out entirely. 

* * *

It was quiet, and cold. That was the first thing Kanda noticed.

He didn't know how or when, but at some point Kanda had just…blacked out. Fallen asleep or something. He wasn't sure what caused it – maybe the physical and emotional exhaustion. His head was throbbing, and his insides hurt; Kanda just felt _tired_ and…broken.

As he came to, he remembered what had happened. The attack. The fight. Alma. Alma's body in his arms…

The emotions came crashing down onto Kanda once more, his heart shattering. He felt nauseous, and angry, and just so messed up. Breathing felt hard, and he didn't even care about how pathetic and weak he must have looked in that moment – a total wreck of a human who couldn't do a single thing right. He didn't care that Lavi probably had no idea where he was, or that Tyki was off somewhere, probably far away by now.

Kanda just…didn't care. He didn't care anymore. He felt sick, and he felt empty.

And guilty. God, the guilt was just…

He inhaled, chest trembling as he leaned his head back against the wall. He was still holding Alma, and didn't think he could bring himself to look at his body. He didn't think he could bring himself to look at what he'd _done_ …

Kanda would never forgive himself for this.

Closing his eyes, Kanda tried to steady his breathing. He tried, but he wasn't being very successful. _'Alma…'_

Quiet. Kanda was _trying_ to be quiet. To not accidentally release anymore choked sobs, because he didn't have it in him anymore. But he kept hearing…

Breathing. Soft breathing, that Kanda realized wasn't his own.

Eyes opening, Kanda shifted, looking down.

In his arms, was Alma. Breathing.

Not just breathing though – when Kanda looked at him, he could see that physically, Alma was _different_ than he had been prior to Kanda losing consciousness. His skin was no longer the strange, ashen color it had been, and the majority of his akuma markings were gone. A few remained, mainly on the sides of his abdomen and a few on his arms, but they had shifted to a dark brown in color, and most of the protruding, akuma appendages and joints and disappeared.

The tail remained, but that was it.

Kanda felt his heart skip, the weight upon his heart momentarily lifting. He didn't even have the rationale to avoid hoping, as he gently moved Alma's shoulder, trying to speak. "Alma…Alma, can you hear me?"

Alma stirred, and after a few seconds blinked his eyes open. They were hazy, but Kanda saw they were bright blue – the color they were supposed to be.

Still, Alma appeared slightly disoriented, as though he was having trouble registering where he was. His eyes met Kanda's though, and at first Kanda felt himself stiffen in fear – would Alma remember him?

"Y..Yuu?" Alma started, voice quiet and uncertain. He tried to sit up, and shivered slightly as he looked around, still appearing somewhat lost. "What happened…?"

Kanda tried to secure Alma, not sure how okay he would be moving yet. He also realized that after reverting to a more human-like appearance, Alma didn't have anything clothing to cover him. "Alma, don't move," Kanda softly instructed, taking his coat and using it to cover Alma.

Slowly, Alma began to recall just what had happened. As he glanced around the room, images of fighting returned to his mind, and he gradually remembered just what had transpired.

Realization filled Alma's face, and his expression crumbled into shock and guilt. He looked at Kanda, genuinely distraught. "Did…did I hurt you?" Alma asked, voice cracking as he began to break down.

"Oh god, Yuu, I'm sorry-!" He started, as his expression crumbled into tears. "I swear – I don't know what I was thinking…!"

Alma broke down, attempting to apologize repeatedly in between sobs. Kanda pulled him close, wrapping his arms around Alma as he ran a hand through his hair. "It's okay," Kanda whispered, as he attempted to soothe Alma. "It's okay. It wasn't your fault, Alma. None of this was…"

But Alma just cried, as he continued to apologize. Kanda still held him.

"Sh," Kanda whispered. "It's okay, Alma. I've got you. I'm not letting go. You're safe now…"

Alma nodded, face pressed into Kanda's shoulder as Kanda kept his arms around him.

Alma was alive. Breathing. Living. _Alive._

 _'Thank god,'_ Kanda thought. _'Thank god…'_

Kanda held Alma in his arms, even after Alma had stopped crying. 

* * *

**A/N:** Oh my god. This chapter. I don't think anyone knows how difficult this was to write. Not only is the majority action (which as I've stated before, I really struggle with), but it was just emotionally draining as hell to write. v.v

But the ending was worth the suffering? HOPEFULLY? Of course this isn't the end - I still have one (maybe two) more full chapters left plus an epilogue. But this was definitely where everything hit the blasted fan. I had to keep rewriting and re-organizing things too, because there were a million ways this chapter could have gone but believe me when I say this was the easiest (even though I...am sure that's hard to believe).

I will say, Tyki did play a larger role in this whole showdown than I planned, but I guess it worked? Same with Allen - he ended up being a component in Kanda being able to help save Alma, which, I'm sure people are wondering "how the hell did THAT happen."

So, some clarification on these shards, and the way Anita and Alma were impacted (especially given what happened to Anita - which, trust me, wasn't something I looked forward to doing; I had her death planned from the start, but it still was horrible to write).

In Anita's case, the shard was ripped out from her, and by this point it was in her heart (it's also important to note that Tyki was exactly worried about keeping Anita alive). She couldn't function anymore without it, and this isn't even including the damage done by her gradually freezing her body in an attempt to stay sane, and hold onto her her human self.

With Alma, the shard wasn't actually removed from his body - it's still there, although you could say effect of hitting it with innocence neutralized it. This is why Alma didn't entirely revert to his old human self, and retained some akuma markings (although, now discolored) and a tail. Obviously, this will cause things to be a bit complicated later on (mmm, possible sequel, anyone?), but for now let's just be happy I was able to keep him alive, and get him back to his sane self. I think we all missed the poor cinnamon roll, and Kanda really went through hell in this chapter over what happened with Alma (and yes, I freakin' cried when Kanda stabbed him, and it hurt like hell to write).

Also, yes. When Alma turned back he wasn't wearing any clothes. Remember last chapter the clothes Kanda saw discarded? Mmhmm. They were Alma's, and if you look at Alma's akuma form (which in this AU is basically what he turns into in canon) clothes probably wouldn't fit comfortably on him, or be necessary.

Okay, enough jumbled notes. XD It's almost midnight, but I wanted this posted and up before I crashed and went to work tomorrow.

Since we're close to the end, and these notes aren't the best, definitely feel free to hit up my ask box on tumblr or private message me with any questions I might now have covered here! We're in this home stretch with this fic! 3


	26. Fractured Pieces

**Lotus in the Snow (Snow Queen AU)**

 **Chapter Twenty-Five**  
 _Fractured Pieces_

 _  
_A headache was the first thing that greeted Allen as he woke up. Splitting, throbbing, and completely _aggravating_.

"Ow…that hurts…" Allen moaned, wincing when he felt a noticeable lump on his head. More than likely it was from when Allen had been thrown back; his thick skull had doubtlessly taken the brunt of the impact, but hopefully that was as far as any damage extended.

What had happened exactly? Allen remembered Kanda fighting with an akuma, and some other guy-

 _'Wait.'_

A flood of memories coming back, Allen stood quickly. He briefly regretted doing so as the room spun, but braced himself. He looked around.

No one was there.

Allen frowned. There had been another akuma – he remembered this now. And she had been fighting with that other guy, Tyki. The one Kanda had tried to go after before Allen intervened.

Allen re-activated his innocence. He felt drained, but he couldn't let his guard down. Just because he didn't see anyone didn't mean they were gone, and his eye didn't appear to register Tyki as an akuma. Though…he definitely wasn't any ordinary human.

 _'I need to find Kanda. And Lavi,'_ Allen thought. If Kanda was okay, he would be close by – Allen could only hope for Lavi, though. After being so suddenly separated, who knew what had happened to him?

Guard up, Allen began to wander back through the cavern, seeing if he could find anything. Or anyone. 

* * *

Kanda wasn't keeping track of time. He didn't know if it had been only seconds, minutes, or maybe even longer since he and Alma had both come to. There was no other sound, which could have been a good thing – but Kanda wasn't about to get his hopes up, or drop his guard. He didn't know what had happened to Tyki, or the other akuma – or hell, even _Allen_ for that matter.

Kanda shifted slightly, and glanced at Alma. At first, he wondered if maybe Alma had fallen asleep; he had grown quiet, and his breathing had finally regulated. His forehead was still resting against Kanda's shoulder, which also made it difficult to determine if Alma was awake.

Gently, Kanda nudged Alma. He felt a tinge of guilt for possibly having to wake him, but they needed to move – and in this case, the faster the better. Kanda might have told Alma he was safe, but the truth was that Kanda didn't know if they were.

And Kanda didn't want to be wrong. Not after all that had happened.

"Alma," Kanda started quietly. "Alma, wake up."

Alma moved, pushing himself off of Kanda's shoulder. His hair was a little messy from the position he had been in, and he looked tired; however, he did appear less disoriented than he had earlier, which was a bit reassuring.

Alma glanced at Kanda, then looked away. "Ah, sorry…" He apologized quietly. "I didn't mean to fall asleep on you like that…"

Kanda shook his head. "It's fine," He spoke, not wanting Alma to feel guilty for being _tired_ of all things. "You think you can walk okay?"

Alma paused, then nodded. "Yeah."

"Alright," Kanda responded, before remembering earlier where he had seen some clothing discarded in the room – he now realized they were Alma's.

Kanda gave Alma one last look before standing. "Wait here."

Kanda left Alma, only to see if he could find spot where the clothes were. It wasn't hard, but as he went to get them he noticed something else.

The mirror. The clothing had been near the mirror, but now the mirror wasn't there.

A brooding look fell over Kanda's expression. The mirror had been there when he and Alma had…still been fighting. It wasn't a small mirror either, so it wasn't like it was just _misplaced._ But it wasn't anywhere in the chamber, which meant that…

 _'Someone moved it while we were unconscious,'_ Kanda thought, grabbing the clothes quickly. They needed to go.

When Kanda returned to Alma, Alma noticed the pensive expression Kanda wore. An anxious look flickered in his eyes. "What is it?"

Kanda knelt down, and handed the clothes to Alma. "Put these on – we need to leave."

Alma looked worried upon hearing the urgency in Kanda's words, but wasn't about to argue. Truth be told, he wanted to leave just as badly.

Quietly, Alma got dressed. It only seemed to register now just how _cold_ he was starting to feel, so the clothes were a welcome presence on his body. But as he finished getting dressed, he suddenly was reminded that he still had a tail, causing him to jolt a little.

Kanda noticed, immediately looking concerned. "What's wrong?"

Alma exhaled, the stress of everything starting to hit him a bit more. "It's," Alma started, suddenly beginning to feel overwhelmed as reality hit him a little more. "Yuu, I can't go outside with a _tail_ -"

His words cut off, but Kanda could understand well enough what Alma was getting at. Taking his own coat that had been momentarily been discarded, Kanda handed it back to Alma.

"Here," Kanda instructed. "I'll just wear yours, and you use this one – it's longer so no one will be able to see anything."

Alma looked hesitant, but accepted the coat with a nod before putting it on.

Kanda stood, helping Alma up. He still couldn't hear anyone, but Kanda felt tense regardless. He glanced back at Alma. "Stay close."

Alma didn't respond, and instead looked to be taking in their surroundings as they started to leave. It was strange, looking at everything with his mind now unclouded from the influence of dark matter. It was as though there were a new level of clarity that finally allowed Alma to see things better, without the jumbled mess of darkness and hatred that had been constantly ruling him.

This didn't mean he completely felt okay, though. Alma was still riding a level of remaining anxiety, feeling both jumpy and on edge.

Alma's eyes flickered over in the direction of the mirror – or at least, where the mirror _should_ have been. Surprised bewilderment crossed his features as he looked at Kanda, stopping. "Where did the mirror go?"

Kanda turned when he noticed Alma had stopped. "I don't know. I just noticed it was gone a few minutes ago," He answered, before taking Alma's hand. "Come on. We really shouldn't stay here."

Alma resisted, and Kanda turned. He appeared both confused and frustrated – why wasn't Alma coming? " _Alma_ -" Kanda started.

"Someone's out there," Alma spoke, keeping his voice low. His eyes were locked on the chamber exit that led out into the cavern.

Kanda paused upon hearing this, and frowned. He glanced at the exit, but couldn't hear anything. Kanda turned back do Alma. "How do you know?"

Alma seemed to falter, as though he didn't quite know how to respond. Honestly, Alma wasn't sure how he knew; it was like he could just sense it. The faint, familiar tingle of something at the back of his neck. In a way, it was a watered down version of what he had felt when he was a full akuma and someone was nearby.

Alma didn't know how to explain this though, and the mere idea of doing such made him squirm. He shifted his gaze to the side uneasily. "I don't know. I just do."

Kanda eyed Alma, but didn't say anything further. He wasn't sure what to think, but now wasn't the time and place to press Alma any further. Instead, Kanda chose to trust Alma's words – it wouldn't have done either of them any good to take any chances now.

Making sure Alma was close, Kanda gripped Mugen in one hand, ready to activate the innocence. He approached the exit of the chamber cautiously, and was careful to keep his footsteps as light as possible. As he did this, he heard something lightly shuffle just around the corner.

 _'Alma was right,'_ Kanda realized, as he readied himself to attack whatever was around the corner. Kanda wasn't sure what to expect, but whatever it was, there was no way he was about to let it make the first move.

Taking a silent breath, Kanda swiftly turned the corner, sword on the offensive-

A shout. "Wait, wait, _wait!"_

The voice was all too recognizable, and Kanda grimaced at the sheer volume. It was just enough to catch Kanda before attacking, and barely stopped him from skewering the nearly sliced up victim – which in this case, was Allen.

Kanda lowered his weapon, expression slightly irritable. "You didn't _have_ to scream in my face."

Allen, who had raised his left arm to defend himself, lowered it, and gave Kanda an incredulous look. "Yeah, well you almost sliced me up just now…" He pointed out, before pausing. Allen was now looking just past Kanda, at Alma.

Allen recognized Alma immediately. It had taken him a second, but Allen could see the resemblance easily enough to the akuma he'd seen earlier. "Hey, aren't you-"

Before Allen could finish his question, Kanda sent him a _look_ as though to say "watch it."

It worked, as Allen seemed to blank on his words. Quickly, he recovered, and looked back at Alma. Allen now noticed how uneasy and _nervous_ Alma looked, as though he were worried about something, and he seemed to instinctively want to hide behind Kanda.

Despite not knowing him, or even understanding the situation, Allen felt a wave of sympathy. He offered a friendly smile in Alma's direction. "Sorry, I should have introduced myself first – I'm Allen."

The shift in topic caused Alma to visibly relax a bit. He still looked a little wary, but managed a small smile. "I'm Alma."

Kanda had turned, and managed to catch sight of Alma's smile. He instantly felt his heart jump a little, and was suddenly aware of just how much he had _missed_ Alma's smile.

 _'Focus,'_ Kanda reminded himself, before his attention returned to Allen. "What happened to that other guy?" Kanda asked, referring to Tyki.

Allen blinked, and looked away sheepishly. "Ahhh, well. The thing is…"

Kanda's eyes narrowed. "What?"

Allen ran a hand through his hair. "Well, I don't exactly know what happened."

"What do you mean _you don't know_?"

"Listen, when I caught up to him he was fighting someone else – that akuma from earlier," Allen explained.

As Allen said this, Alma looked up. What akuma? Could he have meant Mahoja…?

"When I tried to get involved, I got knocked out, and when I woke up no one was around," Allen continued. "So yeah, I don't know. But it doesn't look like anyone's around now…"

Kanda exhaled. It'd be a lie to say he wasn't angry over the fact that Tyki had possibly gotten away – that bastard _deserved_ to be put through a world of hurt. However, Kanda felt Alma's hand brush against his arm, and he bit back the scalding words that lingered on the tip of his tongue.

"Let's just get out of here then," Kanda grumbled. He turned to Alma. "Do you know any ways out?"

Alma thought. "Just one – it's an exit high up though."

"If it's the way we came in, it got blocked off," Allen spoke. "We could go back to see if there's a way through...it might be worth a shot before we end up wandering down here for who knows how long."

Kanda debated over this. One on end, he wasn't sure if it _would_ be worth it to go back – but the beansprout had a point about them possibly wandering the cavern for an annoyingly long time.

Kanda nodded in agreement.

They started back toward where the entrance had been, with Alma remaining close to Kanda. Kanda definitely didn't mind; he'd rather Alma stay close until they get somewhere safer. But, it was strange having Alma suddenly _there_ – in a way, Alma had become something of a ghost or memory in Kanda's mind. So Alma being there physically present was just…a bit surreal. Everything that had happened in the last few hours felt surreal.

Kanda glanced back at Alma at one point. He could see Alma just behind him, eyes slightly downcast as though he were thinking about something.

By chance, Alma looked up, and noticed Kanda's staring. He seemed to freeze up a bit, as though he wasn't certain how to react, but then a small, hesitant smile appeared on his face.

Kanda's expression visibly softened, but he didn't say anything aloud. 

* * *

"Oiiii, Allennnn! Kandaaaa!"

Lavi shouted, trying to call for any of his comrades. After Allen had disappeared into the cavern, Lavi had gotten tied up with the last few akuma. They had been up an annoyingly decent fight, but unexpectedly disappeared after a bit. Lavi didn't have an explanation for it; he had no idea where they went, or what they had even been after.

Given that Lavi had ended up fighting solo, it was probably for the better.

Unfortunately, Lavi had quickly realized the cavern's entrance had gotten snowed in. He had seen the explosive attack after Allen went in, but Lavi hadn't gotten a good enough look to realize that there was no longer a way to get in – at least not with how he had originally planned.

This had resulted in Lavi searching for another entrance – which, he was currently having no luck with.

Timcanpy flapped beside Lavi, and Lavi turned to him. "Come on, Tim – you found that first entrance, so can't you find another one?"

Timcanpy agitatedly fluttered his wings.

Lavi sighed. "Okay, okay! You're not a miracle worker. I get it," He amended, as he looked around.

Well, Lavi was at somewhat of a standstill. He didn't really know where else to look for an entrance, and Timcanpy apparently didn't know either. This caused Lavi to feel a little antsy as he had no idea what could have been happening underground – which bothered him. Lavi hated not knowing what was going on.

Timcanpy flapped close to Lavi, and tugged on his scarf. Lavi turned. "What, you want to go back to that caved-entrance?"

Tim flew up and down in a "yes" motion.

Lavi shrugged. "Don't know where else to go, so why not? Maybe we missed something…"

They trekked back through the snow, and returned to the snowed-in entrance. There was a dent where dirt, snow, and ice had all piled in while funneling down.

Frowning, Lavi walked near it. He activated his hammer, extending it so he could poke around. It felt pretty dense, so Lavi gradually took a few steps onto it, and pressed his foot down. "Yeah, that's pretty densely packed…" He murmured.

Lavi thought. Well, he couldn't dig into it, and there was no telling how much had actually caved in. It would have been easier if it could have _melted_ …

Lavi stopped, and snapped his fingers. "Got it!" He exclaimed, as he gripped his anti-akuma weapon. "We'll just see if we can burn through it!"

Timcanpy twitched anxiously, before flying far enough away, not wanting to be _anywhere_ near Lavi's fire attack.

Lavi eyed the entrance, and readied himself to use his fire seal. "Hopefully this works and no one is under this spot…" 

* * *

"Tch. What'd you do to make _this_ happen?"

Allen sent an aggravated look in Kanda's direction. "Um, I didn't do anything because I got _attacked_ ," He pointed out. "So don't act like we're trapped because of me or anything."

Kanda pressed his fingers to his forehead, then glanced at the damage. Snow, ice, and debris had all funneled in through the ceiling. A good amount of it had reached the ground, though maybe if anyone had proper tools someone could have tried to climb it. So far, that option was out of the question.

Kanda crossed his arms. "Well, we're trapped either way. So unless you have a better idea we need to try looking for another exit."

Allen opened his mouth to respond, but there was the sudden sound of something…rushing. It was hard to describe, but it was faint before it started to get louder.

Suddenly, there was the sound of something above cracking and breaking.

"Move!" Allen shouted, though Kanda had already done so, yanking Alma back with him. They cleared out, all falling to the ground just as several large chunks of snow and ice fell, shattering and crumbling upon impact.

"Is anyone down there!?" Lavi's voice could be heard from above.

Kanda glared up in Lavi's direction. "Yeah, and you almost _killed us!_ "

"Awesome, you're not dead," Lavi remarked, before shouting down again. "I'm going to burn through this opening a little more so I can pull you guys up!"

Kanda silently cursed at Lavi, though he realized he probably should have been more grateful that the Bookman was at least competent enough to have thought of a decent plan. He glanced at Alma, realizing he had accidentally caused him to fall as well. "You okay?"

Alma smiled reassuringly. "Ah, yeah. Definitely better than if that ice would have fallen on me."

There was the familiar hint of optimism in Alma's words, which was shockingly refreshing. It was also a relief to hear that sort of note given the way Alma had acted earlier.

Kanda helped Alma up, and noticed that Allen was a few feet away, apparently observing what all Lavi was doing.

Alma noticed this as well, and took the chance to ask Kanda something. "Yuu, who are these people…?"

Kanda turned to Alma, at first not sure how to answer. He realized that it was only natural Alma would have questions, and despite the fact that Alma had been a full akuma, Kanda didn't really know if Alma still understood just what had happened. It was probably really confusing, but that didn't make things any less difficult to explain.

Taking a breath, Kanda glanced over in Allen's direction. "He's an exorcist…or at least training to be one. The idiot up top who nearly killed us is an exorcist too."

A bewildered expression appeared on Alma, as he looked like he was trying to comprehend things better. "So…like those priests that go around cleansing homes? Is that what they do?"

Oh god. Even after everything that happened, and Alma _still_ found a way to be naïve. Kanda exhaled, and massaged his forehead. "Not like that kind…an exorcist like what I'm talking about…they hunt demons. Or what they're more commonly referred to as akuma," Kanda explained.

As he heard the word "akuma", Alma seemed to register what Kanda meant. He also registered that it meant…that he would have been on that target list.

Alma shifted uneasily, and looked away. "Is…that what you do then?" He asked, voice soft.

The discomfort was palpable, and Kanda averted his gaze as well. "Yeah," He responded, answer a little gruff and forced out.

There were a few seconds of uncomfortable silence, but Kanda broke it. "Alma, about earlier-"

"Do you think he knows?" Alma blurted out, just cutting Kanda off in a somewhat panicky manner.

Kanda appeared perplexed. "What?"

Alma paused, then briefly looked in Allen's direction. "Allen," Alma pointed out quietly. "Did he see that…that I was…?"

 _'Oh,'_ Kanda realized. "Don't worry about that," Kanda spoke. "No one's going to hurt you or do anything. I won't let them."

His words were firm, and they seemed to hinder any desire Alma might have to disagree. However, a look of uncertainty remained in Alma's eyes, as though he wasn't sure if he could believe such a thing.

"Okay, I think we're good!" Allen was shouting back to Lavi, before turning back to Kanda and Alma. "Lavi's going to extend his hammer – we'll have to take turns getting pulled up."

"I'm sending it down now!" Lavi shouted, as he extended his hammer, lowering it so it reached all the way down. The hammer head was what came down, which would allow for a person to step on for support as they were lifted up.

"Alma, you go first," Kanda spoke, nodding to the hammer. When Alma appeared to hesitate, Kanda added, "I'll make sure to go right after you."

"It's a lot safer than it looks," Allen added. "Plus it looks like this is the only way we can get out of here."

Alma still seemed a bit wary, but went to the hammer to step on anyways. As he gripped the elongated handle, Alma glanced at the hammer curiously. "Wait, so how does it – gah!" Alma shouted, as he was suddenly pulled up.

Alma was pulled up within seconds, and soon the hammer was let down again for the next person. Kanda was about to go next, when he stopped, and turned his attention to Allen. "Hey."

Allen looked at Kanda, somewhat curious as to what he was about to say.

Kanda briefly floundered for his words, and removed his gaze from Allen, hoping it would help. "About…about what you saw earlier with Alma. You can't…" Kanda started, though he was beginning to feel less confident in his request as he tried to vocalize it.

"Kanda."

Allen's voice was gentle, and Kanda looked somewhat caught off guard. But Allen was just smiling softly. "I won't tell anyone about Alma, if that's what you're worried about," Allen spoke. "It wasn't…exactly a normal situation I'm guessing."

Kanda looked away, and shook his head. "No…it wasn't," He murmured softly, before sending another look in Allen's direction. This time, it the harshness in his expression had diminished.

As much as Kanda had disliked Allen from the start, he had to admit that Allen had ended up being…helpful. Shit, actually Allen had been _really_ helpful when Kanda thought about it. Heck, if Allen hadn't had been around, Alma might not be…

"Thanks," Kanda finally managed. "For this, and for earlier."

The words were oddly genuine, and devoid of their usual callousness. Kanda wasn't exactly good when it came to thanking people, so it was a relief just to be able to even say the words aloud.

Allen looked surprised, and almost as though he were questioning whether he had actually heard Kanda _thank_ him. But when he saw how serious Kanda's face was, Allen smiled.

Kanda was next to step onto the hammerhead, and was lifted up next. The experience wasn't pleasant, and reminded him vaguely of the weird _elevator_ thing he had been on when he was with Komui at the Order. He was grateful when he was up high enough that it stopped, with Alma helping him out when Kanda was high up enough.

As Kanda got out, he caught Lavi glancing his way. Lavi grinned. "Good to see you're still kicking," He said, before tossing a glance in Alma's direction.  
"Had no idea you had a friend in the area though."

Kanda scoffed, but didn't say anything more. He wasn't sure what Alma might have said in the few minutes he had been alone with Lavi, but Kanda doubted it was anything too revealing. Kanda imagined Lavi might try to question Kanda later on though, which…was an annoying thought. But, Lavi's attention was fortunately preoccupied, as he returned to help Allen up last.

While they had a few moments, Kanda turned to Alma. "Did he ask you anything?" Kanda questioned quietly, in reference to Lavi.

Alma shook his head. "No, but he…realized I probably knew you already when I referred to you as 'Yuu,'" Alma explained, looking slightly sheepish.

Kanda was quiet. It wasn't like he and Alma had to hide that they knew each other or anything, but…the situation _was_ complicated, and Alma's earlier concerns about the other exorcists was a valid one. Now that it had gotten brought up, Kanda couldn't deny it had been sitting in the back of his mind as well. Allen had agreed to keep quiet, but Allen wasn't officially affiliated with the Order yet. Lavi was different.

Basically, Kanda didn't think he trusted Lavi not to go back and report to the Order what he found out. And that idea did _not_ bode well for Kanda. Or Alma.

Once Allen was up, Lavi glanced from him to Kanda. "So, you guys want to fill me in on what happened down there? You've both been underground a while, and I thought I was going to have to go back and say you died or something."

Kanda rolled his eyes. "Yeah, well we're fine," He answered, before his voice grew more serious. "The akuma got away, and so did that other guy – the one I told you about before."

Lavi's gaze widened. "What, the one that could be a Noah? Why was he here?"

Kanda faltered, but thankfully Allen answered. "Not sure. He got into a fight with the akuma, but I was knocked out before I could see what happened. When I came to they were both gone."

"That's weird…" Lavi spoke, frowning. "It might not have been a Noah then. I don't know why one would fight an akuma…"

"He was," Alma unexpectedly chimed, before he could stop himself. Everyone's eyes immediately landed on him questioningly, and Alma awkwardly tried to explain. "Um..I heard him say it…"

"Wait, no one's filled me in yet. What were you doing down there, anyways?" Lavi suddenly questioned Alma. "Are you an accommodator or something?"

The phrasing of the question caught Alma a little off guard, and his response was delayed. "Um," Alma started, completely freezing up on what to say.

"He's not," Kanda firmly answered.

Lavi looked at Kanda, as though he expected Kanda to say more. When Kanda didn't, Lavi momentarily backed off.

"What's that!?"

The exclamation was sudden, and came from Alma. His eyes were wide, and focused on Timcanpy, who was now hovering right beside Allen.

Allen laughed at Alma's reaction. "Oh, this is Timcanpy. He hangs with me."

Alma stared at Tim, completely in awe of the golden golem. "Is…it a bird?" He asked, trying to wrap his mind around just what kind of bird it even could be.

"Oh, not exactly – Tim, go say hi," Allen encouraged amiably, as Timcanpy flapped over to a completely enthralled Alma.

While Alma and Allen were distracted, Lavi turned back to Kanda. "You two know each other, huh?"

Kanda kept his expression neutral. "What about it?"

"It's pretty crazy you happened to find him out here," Lavi pointed out, tone seemingly nonchalant. "Unless he's the reason you came out here."

Kanda didn't say anything. It was so infuriating how easily Lavi could catch onto things, but it would have only looked suspicious if Kanda tried to argue. So, Kanda opted to remain silent instead.

Lavi sighed. "Look, I'm not going to interrogate you over this. But if there were akuma and Noah around while your friend was out here, then he's pretty lucky to be alive. Non-accommodators don't just survive that easily."

Kanda briefly tensed. Yeah. Non-accommodators – _normal people_ – didn't survive because they usually couldn't last, and akuma weren't the sparing type. And Alma might have been back to normal personality-wise, but….he wasn't exactly normal anymore. He looked like a human with his markings and tail hidden, but…

Kanda exhaled. Lavi didn't know the truth, but as of now, Kanda didn't think it wise to tell him. Allen already knew, and even though the beansprout had assured Kanda he'd keep quiet, Kanda was still too on edge to feel at ease.

"We're going a separate way," Kanda spoke, voice low.

Lavi nodded. "I figured," He commented, before adding, "Just don't forget what you promised Komui. He'll be expecting you to hold your end."

Kanda's face hardened, and he looked away. "Yeah. I know."

Lavi watched Kanda carefully, and a small sigh escaped him. He glanced over at Allen and Alma, before speaking to Kanda. "Listen. You have time to do whatever you need to do. But this whole thing that just happened…something else was going on here. And right now we're going to need all the exorcists who are willing to fight," Lavi explained somberly. His one exposed eye landed on Kanda. "There's a war. And it's not coming – it's already started. I know it, and I think you do too."

The words were heavy. Heavier than anything Kanda had heard in a while. They weighed down on him, like a bundle of chains that shackled him to a fate he sorely regretted having – but, Kanda knew that in a way he _was_ responsible. He had signed up for this, and known when he promised Komui to return to the Order that he would have to see it through.

Alma's laughter, gentle yet shockingly light, broke Kanda's train of thought. Kanda turned, and saw Alma and Allen playing with Timcanpy like a couple of innocent kids, with Alma looking wide-eyed and innocent like when Kanda had first met him.

Lavi glanced in between them, them focused on Kanda. "Be careful on your way back."

Kanda didn't respond, but instead kept his attention on Alma before approaching him. Timcanpy was currently perched on Alma's shoulder, playfully nudging Alma with his wing.

Alma was laughing softly. "He's so friendly," Alma was saying to Allen, fondness evident in his voice.

Allen grinned. "Yeah, Tim is really great. I don't know what I'd do without him."

Kanda looked at Alma. "You ready to go?" He asked.

The question distracted Alma, and he wavered. The slight hesitation surprised Kanda a little, but to his relief Alma nodded.

Allen looked at them both. "You guys going to be okay going back on your own?"

Kanda looked at Allen flatly. "We'll be fine," He said, not wanting the _beansprout_ of all people to be concerned or anything.

"Just asking," Allen said. He offered a last smile to both Kanda and Alma. "Maybe I'll see you both around again."

Kanda was about to shoot down such an idea, but stopped himself. As much as he didn't want to admit it, the possibility was more likely than Kanda was okay with.

There was a small, somewhat awkward goodbye exchanged between the group (though Kanda avoided saying too much, and even Alma appeared more conscientious than normal). So, leaving was something of a relief – as soon as they could, Kanda and Alma started off, leaving Allen and Lavi behind.

As soon as Kanda and Alma were out of earshot, Lavi turned to Allen. "Do you have any idea what happened down there?"

Allen paused, as he thought carefully. "Not really," He finally answered. "But I think it's good they found each other."

"Good or lucky – who knows," Lavi commented, before looking at Allen with a grin. "You still have a teacher on the loose though. Guess we should start tracking his ass again."

Allen sighed, an edge of dread in his voice. "Ugh. Don't remind me," Allen groaned as Timcanpy flapped beside him, perching on his shoulder. "I wonder what happened to that other akuma, though. The one we were initially fighting…"

Lavi raised an eyebrow, but shrugged. "Not sure. But if they were against a Noah…it might not have been good," Lavi spoked. He sighed. "Anything involving the Noah's appearing wouldn't be good though…"

Allen remained quiet, but recalled the man he had briefly seen in the cavern. He had had such a distinctive appearance with that dark hair, and golden eyes – the eyes in particular had been the most unsettling. There had been something so chillingly inhuman about them, yet…

Allen didn't finish his thought, but repressed a shudder. 

* * *

The sound of a match flicking could be heard, as a small flame sparked and ignited. Tyki brought the match up to the cigarette, lighting it as he took a small drag, while waving the match out. His elbows rested on the back of the chair he leaned forward on, as he knocked part of the ash into the tray on the table, eyes closed.

"That smoking can be pretty bad for your lungs, you know."

Tyki kept his eyes closed, but recognized the voice. "Lord Millennium," He greeted smoothly.

The Millennium Earl walked over to the table, hands behind his back as he looked at Tyki with a large, overly-exaggerated grin. "So, how'd it goooo?"

Another drag, and Tyki sighed. He finally opened his molten-colored eyes as he gave the Earl a weary look. "I'm going to see a hell of a lot more of these," He spoke, holding up the cigarette.

The Earl raised an eyebrow. " _Oh_? That bad, huh?"

Tyki flicked off more of the ash. "Perhaps you should avoid using mirror shards like that again," Tyki suggested. "Not to sound rude, but those akuma _did_ turn out annoyingly uncontrollable. I barely was able to destroy one of them."

Scratching his chin, the Millennium Earl hummed thoughtfully. "Mm. I suppose you have a point. That mirror probably had a bit too much _pizzazz_ to it," He acknowledged. The Earl then turned to Tyki. "So no Cross then. How disappointing."

"The general wasn't anywhere I could tell," Tyki spoke. "His apprentice was though. Some kid named Allen Walker."

"Allen Walker, eh? Rings a bell, but it's pretty common a name."

Tyki didn't comment further, and smothered out the rest of the cigarette. He reached into his pocket, before tossing something glittering to the Earl. "There. I couldn't get the mirror, but maybe that'll be useful somehow."

The Earl caught the object, and looked at it. "Oh, a mirror shard! I thought they all might have been lost."

"No. That one I was able to take myself," Tyki spoke. "The rest is somewhere buried in the ice by this point."

"That's alright," The Earl reassured, grinning broadly. "This piece will do just fine – I'm sure it'll be good for a rainy day."

The Millennium Earl made a move to leave after that, but stopped. He turned to Tyki. "Oh – Road was asking about when you were coming back. I think she wants someone to play dress up with."

Tyki grinned. "Dress up, huh?" He asked. "Sure. I love a good charade."

"Oh, I know you do," The Earl spoke. "I certainly know you do." 

* * *

The cavern was silent – more so than it ever had been. Empty. Isolated. Completely and utterly _desolate_.

Mahoja was all who was left.

The fight with Tyki had been grueling, and gone on for a while. Mahoja wasn't sure exactly how long, though – she had been in a blind rage when fighting, consumed by anger and grief as she attempted to repeatedly tear Tyki apart. But, Mahoja hadn't been successful; as hard as she had tried, Tyki had somehow gotten away. Run away. Like the damn coward he truly was.

Coward. Bastard. Demon. None of the words quite described the level of contempt and disgust Mahoja held for the man. But she truly regretted not being able to kill him.

Once Tyki had vanished, Mahoja had been at a loss for what to do. The anger remained, but she was left feeling horribly defeated, and as though she had been reduced to _nothing_. At best, she was only a failure.

One of the exorcists had been there – a boy with white hair who had tried to get in the way of Mahoja's fight with Tyki. Mahoja passed him, leaving his unconscious body be. He had been a nuisance, but her fight hadn't truly been with him.

So, she left him, and wandered back to the only place she could think to check after: the chamber with the mirror, and the chamber where Alma had last been.

When Mahoja had entered the chamber, she saw where the mirror was. There, still in tact, but missing the final two pieces. Mahoja's insides twisted to think about where one piece had ended up – ripped from her master's body, and taken away like a stolen gem. She wondered if the other shard was still in Alma somewhere.

Out of the corner of her eye, she had seen the bodies. At first, Mahoja had thought them dead; one form, another exorcist she recognized, beaten and slightly bloodied as cradled a familiar figure.

Mahoja recognized it as Alma.

She had approached them a little warily, wondering how long the corpses had been there. But upon closer inspection Mahoja saw that they were breathing – both the exorcist, and Alma. To her surprise, Alma also looked…more human. Like when he first had been brought to the cavern. She could sense the shard within him still, but it was dull, and the pulsating energy of dark matter had diminished.

Her expression was somber, and Mahoja felt a wave of bitterness. Alma would wake up, possibly okay, and with the way the exorcist was holding him it seemed that Alma would wake up in the arms of someone who cared for him deeply. And Mahoja was envious of that. However, she couldn't fault Alma – he hadn't chosen this path, unlike Mahoja. And a small part of her _was_ happy for him.

When she thought about it, a part of her would miss him.

Mahoja took a silent breath, and turned. She needed to move the mirror before they woke up, and before either of them knew she was still alive. Mahoja had already failed to protect her master, Anita, and the one person she ever truly loved. Even after all Mahoja had done, even after cutting herself with a mirror shard to become an akuma…Mahoja had failed.

She wouldn't fail at guarding what was left of the mirror though. Even if it meant waiting silently, until she crumbled away into nothing, Mahoja would guard it.

Mahoja would keep her promise that Anita's efforts would not have been in vain. Even if Anita had never loved her the same way, even if it had been foolish and all for nothing…Mahoja would keep her promise. Forever. 

* * *

**A/N:** So, only one chapter left after this. And an epilogue. But that'll be it.

By now, it's probably clear that there _are_ going to be some untied ends, but sometimes that's what happen when you world build and plot like a crazy person. This is of course referring to the Order, and the ongoing conflict that will be going on between the exorcists and the Noah - but truthfully, it never could get resolved in one story, and especially when this story was intended to focus more on Kanda's journey to find Alma and save him. Which...is still tricky. Alma is part-akuma, and it's clear it's going to have to be something he'll need to keep a low profile on. Alma and Kanda both know this, and while Lavi isn't a bad character in this AU by any means, it did make sense to me that Kanda wouldn't want Lavi to know the truth about Alma. Even though he's a Bookman, Lavi is still aligned with the Order (as of now) and the Order knowing about a half-akuma is something I think everyone can agree would be messy.

Allen is a little different. He's "technically" affiliated with the Order through Cross, but didn't officially complete any training - Allen also is a bit of a grayer character, which is hard to explain since we didn't really get a chance to explore much of his story in this AU.

Mahoja I did want to give some closure on. Her character survived, but she has a sadder fate. Originally, I had planned for her to die with Anita when I first plotted this story, but that didn't feel right. So...this is the ending she got.

Moving on, the next chapter will definitely have more moments between Kanda and Alma. I had planned to incorporate one longer scene with just the two of them at the end of this, but it didn't feel right melding it with the transitions between Majoha's final scene, and the scene with Tyki and the Earl. So you can expect to see that the beginning of the next chapter, because Kanda and Alma definitely will need some alone time to try to sort just what all has happened, and how it's impacted them.

Thank you guys all once again for the support, and encouragement as I've written this. I'm definitely getting pretty emotional with how close to the end we are, but ah, it only means more fics in the future, right? XD

Happy Friday!


	27. Homecoming

**Lotus in the Snow (Snow Queen AU)**

 **Chapter Twenty-Six**  
 _Homecoming  
_

 __Night had just fallen by the time Kanda and Alma found a nearby town. It had taken several long hours of walking, and by the end of it Kanda knew that he was certainly worn out. All of the fighting had taken a toll on his body, and his side had gotten cut quite badly. The seal had at least helped so that it moving hadn't put too much of a strain, but Kanda knew he'd need to more thoroughly inspect it once he had the chance.

On top of this, Kanda just felt drained…emotionally.

Alma appeared no better off. He had ended up remaining quiet for most of the walk, with a tired and at time distant look in his eyes. Sometimes, his pace would even slow, and Kanda would have to stop to make sure Alma was all right. Alma said he was fine every time, but Kanda knew better – he knew Alma wasn't fine. There was no way anyone would be after all that had happened.

Despite this, Kanda didn't press Alma to talk. A part of him wanted to, but the walk was already awkward enough as it was. After they had left Allen and Lavi, the words had disappeared between them and the air had grown somewhat stifling. Kanda didn't know what to say, or what was even okay as a topic. Should he keep checking on Alma? Should he apologize for what happened? Somehow, "Sorry I stabbed you" just didn't cut it.

There weren't many people out when Kanda and Alma made it to the town, as most people had already seemed to retire for the evening. Fortunately, it didn't take long to find an inn. It was small, and easy to miss, but the innkeeper was still awake and present when they arrived.

"Yeah, I have a room left. It's only got one bed though," The innkeeper responded when Kanda asked about one. "If that's not a problem you guys can take it."

Kanda sighed. Well, it wasn't ideal but at this rate he knew that they probably wouldn't find anything else. He nodded his head. "Yeah, it's fine."

The innkeeper handed over the room key, and Kanda and Alma found the room shortly after. It was plain, and nothing special to look at – all that was there was a bed and a dresser.

"You take the bed," Kanda spoke.

Alma blinked and looked at Kanda. "Ah, I don't have to…" Alma started, feeling a bit awkward about leaving Kanda to sleep on the floor. Besides, Alma could _see_ how worn out Kanda looked; Kanda didn't appear as thought he had rested in a long time, and Alma didn't know if sleeping on the floor would do him any favors. And…Alma would be fine, anyways.

Kanda exhaled, not wanting to debate. "Just take it," He murmured, before glancing back toward the door, then to Alma. "I'll be right back," He said, figuring he'd be able to find a washroom somewhere or something. _'Damn cut…'_ He thought.

Alma looked at Kanda. "Where are you going?" He asked, not intending to sound…needy. Ugh, did he sound needy?

"Just going to look for a washroom."

At first, Alma didn't say anything. But then he recalled earlier that day, and the fighting. Alma's memory of everything was still fuzzy in certain areas, but he remembered to know enough that Kanda hadn't come out of that fight without a mark.

"Are you okay?" Alma asked, though his words came with hesitancy. Regardless of what Kanda would say, Alma already knew the answer.

Kanda was quiet. He could tell by the way Alma was looking at him that he knew why Kanda was stepping out. But Kanda still didn't want Alma to make an unnecessarily big deal out of anything. He sighed. "Don't worry. It's nothing serious," He spoke, words weary. "Just…wait here I guess."

Alma opened his mouth. A small request for Kanda to wait had been on the tip of his tongue, but was locked behind his lips, and refused to come out.

The door shut before Alma could force himself to speak up, and Alma was left alone in the room. He released a breath he didn't realize he had been holding, and slunk down onto the floor, his back against the side of the bed.

It was as though a weight had just anchored his body down, partly from exhaustion and partly from the guilt Alma could feel brewing within him. Ever since coming to in the cavern, with Kanda there beside him, Alma hadn't had much time to even think about what all had actually happened. His mind was a jumbled mess of memories – some that felt as though they were his, and others that felt… _foreign_. It was confusing to sort through, and between meeting the other exorcists briefly and trying to get out of the cavern, Alma just…hadn't really thought about everything. About the fighting, about what he had been even _feeling_ …

A chill passed through Alma. Even though he felt more like his old self than he had in a while, the imprint of those dark emotions he had felt as a full akuma still lingered. Or had they always been there? Either way, Alma didn't like them. He didn't like those looming fears of being used and lied to, or those itching insecurities of being so easily _hurt_. Alma didn't like how strong they had been, and he didn't like how being an akuma had just…brought them to surface. Things he hadn't even realized he had been harboring for who knew how long.

It was like they were internal scars that Alma had never realized he had, and this whole experience had ripped them _all_ back open. Years of wandering around, of being without a home or family…of course anyone could be angry and upset about that. Alma just hadn't realized how deep the hurt ran.

Still, Alma hadn't meant to _act out_ the way he did – not as an akuma. Memories of the fight between him and Kanda lingered, though it played through Alma's mind like a ghostly string of events that felt surreal. He suppressed a shudder as he thought about how he had actually tried to _kill_ Kanda, and what damage he had caused. Another wave of guilt ripped within Alma, as he wondered if whatever wounds Kanda had gone to check were in actuality more severe than Kanda had been willing to admit.

All that fighting. All that damaged. Then Kanda had had to…

Another shudder. Alma never wanted to have to go through something like that again. He never wanted to _act_ like that again.

Some more time passed. It was to be expected, but Alma found himself becoming antsier the longer he was left in the room. He felt silly, but Alma just didn't want to be _alone_ right then. Alma found that he kept wondering when Kanda might come back, though he hadn't been oblivious to the somewhat awkward tension that had been lingering in the air. Could that have been why Kanda was taking longer? Did he need space as well? Or…could he have been angry with Alma? Shit, after all that had happened…

No, Kanda wouldn't be angry, right? Was Alma overthinking it? Or what if Alma wasn't, and Kanda was actually upset that Alma had been an akuma…? Alma knew from a logical standpoint he hadn't exactly been coherent, but then again he _had_ been the one to act out…

Damn. There were the insecurities again.

Alma took a small breath, and tried – _tried_ – to be rational. But it was hard to do so when Alma's thinking hadn't been clear for a while, and his emotions were completely all over the place.

It also didn't help that Alma just…wasn't _clear_ about his relationship with Kanda anymore. Right before this whole nightmare had started, Alma had gone from thinking he and Kanda were close, to thinking that Kanda didn't care, to learning that Kanda actually _did_ care….

Then Alma had kissed him, back when they were ice skating. Stupidly, blindly kissed him. God, what if that had been a mistake? It wasn't like Alma and Kanda had talked about it after, but looking back Alma _really_ wished they could have.

Alma knew he still cared about Kanda as more than a friend. _Really_ cared…hell, when Alma thought about it, he realized he had probably crossed that threshold longer ago than he had realized…

Alma pulled his coat – _Kanda's_ coat – closer onto him. It wasn't cold in the room, but the coat was comfortable, and it had a leathery and oddly calming scent to it. Maybe because it reminded Alma of Kanda.

The door clicked open, and Kanda stepped inside the room. His return made Alma both at ease and anxious – a weird contradiction that Alma didn't exactly understand. Like before, Alma could feel his words twist up in his throat; his insides felt knotted, and looking at Kanda made his heart skip a little in some kind of anticipation.

Again, Alma couldn't tell if this were good or bad. He tried desperately not to dwell on it.

Kanda walked over and handed Alma something wrapped up. Alma blinked in confusion, not sure what it was until he smelled it and realized it was food.

"There was food downstairs, so I made sure to get something," Kanda explained. "It has mayo."

Surprise lingered on Alma's face, but it softened. Alma could actually feel his cheeks heat up a little. "Thanks," Alma said, smiling gently. He didn't know if he'd be able to eat the sandwich anytime soon with how upside down his insides felt, but the thoughtfulness was…sweet. And a little shocking. It made Alma feel even more ridiculous given all the doubts that had just been churning in his mind.

Kanda didn't say anything, but sat down on the floor next to Alma, back also leaning against the side the bed.

A silence fell between them. Alma kept his gaze somewhat downcast, and Kanda kept his averted more to the side. Both looked as though they were itching to say something, yet they both looked tongue-tied, as though neither could work up the nerve to speak.

Finally, Alma broke the silence. "So…are you okay?" He asked, as he glanced over at Kanda.

Kanda scoffed gently. "I told you it was nothing major," He mumbled. "Just a cut. It'll heal."

Although the answer was not harsh, it did cause Alma to feel as though he shouldn't have asked. Uncomfortably, Alma's eyes shifted to the ground.

Kanda noticed this, and faltered. There were a few moments of more silence as he struggled over what just to say, before finally speaking up. "How are you feeling?" He asked.

Alma's eyes flickered over to Kanda briefly before returning to the ground. Kanda had asked a few times while walking if Alma was okay, and each time Alma had brushed it off. Alma noticed that Kanda had worded the question differently this time, and wondered if it were intentional; it wasn't a question Alma could give a simple yes or no answer to.

A few seconds passed, as Alma tried to think of _how_ to respond. However, there just wasn't an easy way to do so. He shrugged. "I don't know," Alma finally answered, voice quiet. "Weird. Sort of like I just woke up from some messed up dream or something…"

Kanda stayed quiet. He appeared to be contemplating on whether he should ask Alma something else, or just hold off to see if Alma would talk more.

Kanda's internal debating was cut short when Alma did speak. "What…what are we supposed to do now?" Alma questioned softly. He purposefully avoided Kanda's gaze as the words spilled from his lips. "Should I…even go back to the village…? Maybe I shouldn't…"

Sharply, Kanda turned to Alma. There was a somewhat startled in his eyes, and his mouth was opened slightly, as though he wanted to argue but didn't quite know what to say. But was Alma really suggesting he go off somewhere else? _Where_?

Unless, Alma didn't want to go back…?

Kanda swallowed, and tried to remain composed. "Do you not want to go back?"

Alma turned to Kanda, and shook his head. "No! It's just…" He broke off, looking down as he tried to organize his thoughts. "I want to, but…"

Kanda sighed, beginning to feel a little exasperated. "Alma, if you want to go back, we'll go back-"

"But, Yuu, I don't know if I _can_ ," Alma tried to explain. He also was beginning to sound frustrated with his own lack of ability to clearly convey just _what_ his thoughts were. "I acted so terribly when this all started, and then it's like being an akuma made me feel all these _things-"_ Alma continued, voice breaking a little.

Kanda's expression remained serious. He…obviously couldn't say he understood what Alma had experienced, but he could at least comprehend Alma was freaked out with all that had happened. Even Kanda, as much as he _hated_ to admit it, was shaken by all that had transpired.

"That wasn't your fault," Kanda tried to say. "You couldn't help it, and you couldn't control what that…that _shard_ or whatever was making you feel. Those thoughts and actions weren't even yours."

Kanda turned to Alma as he said this, but felt his words leave him. Now Alma was _really_ avoiding meeting eye contact. Kanda's brow furrowed, not quite understanding what was going on in Alma's head.

Alma still avoided looking at Kanda, but spoke. His voice was quiet, though – incredibly so. "What if…it wasn't?" Alma asked.

Kanda looked perplexed. "What do you mean?"

Alma hesitated, and almost appeared regretful to have said anything. "What if…if the shard didn't cause it? I mean…"

The words caused Kanda to falter, his mind blanking on what he could possibly say in that moment. He thought back to what Alma had said as an akuma, about being tired of being lied to and used, and…

 _"You humans are such terrible creatures. All you do is lie to and hurt each other."_

"Stay away from me!"

"No! I don't want anyone near me!"

Kanda's expression was solemn. As he looked at Alma, he could see that Alma appeared…really down, and almost ashamed. "Did…you actually feel that way?" Kanda found himself asking, voice low and also quiet.

Alma didn't answer immediately. This conversation was…uncomfortable for him. He didn't like talking about things like this, and he felt _guilty_ for doing so – as though it were a crime for him to be honest about what was going on in his head.

Alma released a breath. "Yeah…" He finally admitted, feeling undeniably low. Alma then seemed to have a moment of panic, and tried to backpedal as he turned to Kanda. "Not to that extent though! Er – at least I didn't _think_ to that extent…"

His words stopped there; Alma knew he wasn't sounding as coherent as he would have liked, and it was aggravating to try to explain it all to Kanda. He ran a hand through his hair, and closed his eyes, _trying_ to gather his thoughts. "I…guess I just felt worse about things than I thought I did…"Alma spoke. "And that whole time, it was like…I _was_ there, but then I wasn't. I can't even explain it…"

Kanda was silent as he let Alma talk, though his insides were slowly knotting into themselves.

Kanda only knew bits and pieces of Alma's life, mainly from what Alma had all shared with him. It was not mystery that after Alma's adopted family had been killed that Alma had been on his own, sort of moving from place to place before finally coming to the village. Now, Kanda was beginning to wonder just what sort of impact that experience might have had on Alma. He hadn't before, mainly because Alma had just always seemed so…happy? Alma had just always been _smiling_ and acting like everything was okay, but now Kanda found himself wondering just how much Alma might have been trying to bury away.

Alma exhaled, as there was another awkward pause. The air felt thick in the room, and stifling. "I don't think it's a good idea for me to go back."

Kanda looked at Alma sharply. "Alma-"

"Yuu, I _hurt_ you! What if I hurt someone else?" Alma snapped, words pained and guilt-ridden. "I don't want to risk it-"

 _Slam._

Alma's mouth immediately closed, as he stared wide-eyed at the sudden movement. Kanda's fist had slammed into the ground, loud enough that Alma was shocked the floorboards hadn't cracked.

Kanda's teeth were gritted, and he looked like he was trying to (as well as failing at) keeping everything together. "Fucking…" Kanda started, sounding _pissed_ as he tried to force something coherent out.

"Just…do you fucking _hear yourself?_ " Kanda finally broke, eyes flashing as he looked at Alma. "Even if you've been feeling some of those things, that still wasn't entirely you in there!"

The sudden increase in volume was palpable, and Alma's eyes were slightly wide. He hadn't expected Kanda to snap like that, but quickly enough Alma recovered. "You don't _know_ that!" He fired back.

"Do _you_!?"

Alma turned away abruptly, Kanda's retort putting him back on the spot. No, the truth was Alma _didn't_ know it for sure. He knew it had been a part of himself at the very least, but the memories of everything were still jumbled up like a bunch out scattered puzzle pieces. Everything was in disarray and nothing made complete sense.

Kanda took a breath, and exhaled. Alma's lack of response had been enough to somewhat pull him back from his outburst, and he realized that raising his voice had probably been the worst thing he could have done in this situation. Kanda didn't want to argue with Alma – hell, that was the _last_ think Kanda wanted.

"Look," Kanda started, as he did his best to lower his volume, "I get that you're worried. I _get_ that. But-"

Kanda cut off, his thoughts not quite syncing up with his voice. His whole body felt tense, as he was still struggling to process what Alma had been insinuating with his words, and that Alma had basically been indicating that he thought he should go off somewhere else – and probably by himself.

And, _shit_ , Kanda was not okay with that.

"But…I'm not going to just fucking let you go off and deal with this _alone,_ " Kanda finally vocalized, his voice once more escalating without him really meaning to do so. "So if you don't want to go back to the village, _fine_ – but I'm not just _leaving_ you somewhere!"

All that time, and all that effort – Kanda hadn't spent it only to lose Alma again, and to watch him fade away to who knew where. At this point, Kanda didn't even care if he sounded out of his mind right now. He just…he couldn't stand losing Alma again. Even if it was because Alma felt he had to go, Kanda just-

 _'I fucking can't lose you again,'_ Kanda wanted to say. Wanted to say, but couldn't.

In all of this, Alma had remained quiet. But the way in which Kanda spoke was raw, and Alma looked completely caught off guard by the way Kanda sounded. Alma was just so taken _aback_ by the way Kanda spoke, and his words caused a memory to replay in Alma's head.

 _Kanda had pinned him to the wall, but Alma hadn't known it was Kanda then. He was an akuma, and his memories of Kanda were blurred, and faded – yet Alma had known there was_ something _going on…something he couldn't quite remember._

Kanda wasn't attacking Alma though. Instead, he questioned Alma, looking up at him sharply-

"Did none of what happened that night mean

shit _to you!?"  
_  
Alma remembered now – Kanda had snapped, asking that when Alma had been an akuma. Kanda had faltered on his attack at that point, but Alma at the time hadn't been able to register or understand what Kanda had been talking about.

But now…now Alma did. Now Alma understood.

Without speaking, Alma turned his body more so he was facing Kanda. Kanda's back had still been against the bed, but Alma took Kanda's wrist, tightly wrapping his hand around it so he could pull Kanda to turn his position so they were now facing each other. Alma's gaze was lowered as he did this, so he didn't catch the confusion that flickered across Kanda's face. Alma only focused on Kanda's hand as he took it, his fingers intertwining into Kanda's despite Alma's own grip being somewhat shaky, and Alma pressed his face into Kanda's shoulder.

Briefly, Kanda stiffened; he hadn't expected the sudden contact, but feeling Alma this close, and feeling Alma's _warmth_ – it was…calming. Incredibly so.

Alma lifted his face, the side of his cheek brushing Kanda's. He didn't move anymore though, and Alma suddenly realized that his own body was trembling a little.

Kanda noticed this. "Alma…"

"I don't want to leave you," Alma spoke, his voice cracking a little. "I don't want to be apart anymore. I just want to be together with you-"

Another crack. Kanda couldn't see Alma's face because he was so close, but he could tell Alma was probably close to breaking down again. Protectively, Kanda took his other hand and wrapped in around Alma, pulling him close. "You idiot…"Kanda murmured softly, almost like gossamer. "I don't want to leave you either…"

Alma shut his eyes, and allowed Kanda to embrace him. Speaking was difficult, but right now all he wanted was to let Kanda hold him. Being held felt warm. It felt safe.

Kanda didn't let go, and turned the side of his face toward Alma's. His nose brushing against Alma's cheek, Kanda allowed himself to linger, his lips unmistakably close to Alma's skin. "I'm not going to leave you, so stop worrying, okay?" Kanda whispered gently.

Alma could only nod, as he soon realized his throat was choked up with tears. 

* * *

When Alma woke up, he first noticed that he was warm.

He didn't want to get up – he felt comfortable. More comfortable than he had felt in a long time. Alma didn't even know if he'd be able to open his eyes; the mattress felt soft, and it was quiet. _'It's so quiet here…'_

But, eventually Alma knew he had to open his eyes. It was a little difficult to do so; he was still so exhausted from everything, and his eyes were lined with sleep. The room was significantly lighter as well, making Alma's progress slow. He realized it was morning.

His eyes finally adjusting, Alma's vision blurred into focus. He shifted his position a little, and he felt his heart jump a little when he realized and arm was wrapped around him – Kanda's arm.

 _'That's right…'_ Alma remembered, as he allowed himself to remain against Kanda. _'We fell asleep together…'_

Alma couldn't remember how it had all happened exactly. He had broken down a bit, and for a while he and Kanda had just held each other on the floor, neither really saying much of anything. But at some point, they had both ended up just…crawling into bed together, worn, and tired.

But together.

Alma wrapped his arm over Kanda's. They were both on their right sides, still fully clothed with Kanda holding Alma from behind. Alma now realized he could hear Kanda's soft breathing, and wondered if he was still asleep.

Rubbing his thumb over Kanda's hand, Alma smiled softly. Despite all that had happened, he felt an odd sense of peace in that moment. It was as though for a few hours, a veil of tranquility had finally fallen, and Alma could breathe again.

Alma could breathe again, and he was with Kanda. Kanda, who in spite of all his imperfections, had come looking for Alma. Who had cared enough to look. Who had cared enough to offer to leave with Alma somewhere else.

The thought made Alma's heart warm, and it swelled with and overwhelming sensation of….

Alma tightened his hold a little onto Kanda's arm, and Kanda stirred. Alma then felt Kanda's face press against the back of his neck, but it was still difficult to determine if Kanda was awake.

But the feeling remained in Alma's heart, and it wouldn't go away. It didn't wish to be silent, and it longed to pour out somehow.

"Yuu…." Alma began, his voice barely audible. Could Kanda hear him right now?

There was no response, but Alma continued. "I love you, Yuu…"

A slight shift a movement was felt, and Kanda's grip tightened around Alma, surprising him slightly. Then, Alma heard Kanda's voice.

"I love you too…" 

* * *

When March came, so did the warmer weather. There was still a bit from snow here and there, but for the most part it had melted, with a few fresh sprouts and in some cases even blossoms springing forward. The musical twittering of birds could be heard more frequently, and the skies were becoming clearer. Even the people around in the village were livelier, with the promise of spring lingering in the air.

Marie could smell spring; there was the faint scent of pollen in the air, and the smell of damp grass. Even without his vision, he could still recall the rich colors and liveliness of the world around him. It was a beautiful season, and one that was always greatly welcomed after the dark winter nights and cold, snowy days.

He was out walking, partly to enjoy the recent warmth to have befallen the region. Marie could even feel the faint rays of sun coming down from the sky, which would doubtlessly be a vibrant blue this time of day. There was also a slight breeze, which carried the scent of moist soil and melted snow.

There was also the sound of someone digging – no, _gardening_.

Marie paused. He was familiar enough with the area to know where he was, and that he was near where Kanda's house was. However, it had been vacant for months, as Kanda had disappeared the same night that Alma had. But, Marie knew the house had not been unattended to, and he knew exactly who the source of the noise was.

Approaching the front of the house, Marie spoke. "Every time I hear you, it's like a trick on my mind," He spoke.

Tiedoll, who had been kneeling in front with some gardening tools, turned to Marie and smiled. "Ah, it's just me," Tiedoll spoke, before turning back to the garden. Some herbs and plants had started to sprout. "I'm afraid I'll never quite have Kanda's green thumb, but at the very least I'd like to see this little garden continue on. He always worked hard on it."

Marie's expression was soft. "You still haven't heard anything, huh?"

Tiedoll sighed, and shook his head. "No….no, I haven't."

After the night Kanda left to look for Alma, Tiedoll had ended up searching the surrounding areas as well. A part of him had hoped to have somehow caught Kanda, but Kanda had been fast, Tiedoll hadn't been able to locate him. He had also tried to keep an eye out for Alma, who people had naturally asked about. Since Alma had been staying with Tiedoll, many of the villagers such as Lala and Suman had inquired as to what had happened to the sweet young man, and where he had gone. Tiedoll of course hadn't known what to say, and could only answer that Alma had taken off, and Kanda had done so as well.

Each time Tiedoll had to say this, it had broken his heart a little more.

Tiedoll had no idea what had become of Alma, or if Kanda had found him. What Tiedoll did know was that something horrible had happened, and with each passing day it had been harder to hold on to that hope that one day Kanda would come back with Alma, both happy, and well, and together.

Finishing up, Tiedoll stood. A sad look passed over his face as he looked at the sprouts and herbs. "Those boys…"

A large hand was placed on Tiedoll's shoulder, and he turned to see Marie. "They're both strong. They could still be out there," Marie spoke. He then smiled softly. "And you know how stubborn Kanda is."

A small smile appeared on Tiedoll's face, as Marie's words offered a small bit of comfort. "That he is," Tiedoll agreed. "That he is…" 

* * *

Although spring had come, night still came a bit early. Tiedoll was wide awake and knew he wouldn't be able to sleep anytime soon, so he had started to work on another painting in his studio. Lately, he had been painting more; it was therapeutic, and offered a different sort of relief than working on sermons or reading scripture. Currently, he was working on a landscape of the lake nearby, with the snow melting and fresh speckles of color blossoming throughout the scenery.

He was just adding some color to a few flowers, when he thought he heard something. Tiedoll stopped, and listened – but when his ears were met with silence he returned to his work. It was late, and unlikely anyone would be about this time of night.

But then there was a knock. Several knocks.

Tiedoll's attention was instantly removed from his art, as he quickly found a stopping point. He did feel a wave of concern ripple throughout him; he couldn't think of who would be coming to his home this time of night, or for what reason. Tiedoll immediately found himself hoping nothing was wrong or no one was hurt.

As Tiedoll approached the door, there was another knock. "I'm coming!" Tiedoll called, hoping to quell whatever anxiety this visitor may have potentially had before answering the door.

Tiedoll froze.

Standing on the other side of the door was Kanda, and Alma. They were both tired-looking, and weary, but they were there.

Tiedoll also saw they were both holding hands.

Words could not even be spoken properly, and Tiedoll's vision blurred as a waterfall of relief swept through him. Without any hesitation, he took both young men, and pulled them into a tight embrace, tears streaming down his face.

His boys had finally come home, together. 

* * *

**A/N:** And...that's it. That's the last chapter and the "official" ending - but wait! There IS an epilogue! Which will be coming as soon as I can get it out.

Really, I just wanted to focus on Kanda and Alma for this, as well as tie up with Tiedoll and Marie (I missed them). With Kanda and Alma, I knew I needed to address some things in their relationship, and given all that's happen it's inevitable there would be a lot of tension and awkwardness. The argument escalated a bit more than I had originally planned, but I ended up keeping it because it made sense. Kanda has obviously gotten softer with Alma, but he's still far from perfect, and is going to struggle from time to time with how to appropriately handle things. But in general, I think he and Alma are at a place where they're now getting a feel for each other in terms of communication.

As for Alma, he was still a bit all over the place, which is expected. He doesn't want to be alone, but is (understandably) worried because of what he's done, and because of those unresolved emotions he's been bottling up. Living alone on the streets isn't easy, and I think it's good Kanda's reiterated to Alma that Alma doesn't have to go through these experiences alone anymore.

I also think it's good the "L" bomb got dropped like it did, because I knew it was coming, though for a while I wasn't sure how. Given how dramatic everything has been, I liked the softness of this exchange best. There's something really sweet and intimate about that moment they have together, and I think given all they've been through it was the most appropriate way for the "L" word to get exchanged.

And now, our boys are back home with Tiedoll. I have to say I got incredibly emotional writing that last scene, but that was also one of the first scenes I visualized when plotting this story.

Obviously, there are things like Kanda making a promise to return to the Order, and that's something that will get brought up in the epilogue, as it didn't have a place in this chapter (as well as Alma being a partial akuma). So for those of you still unsatisfied with that not getting addressed, hang tight and it will.

On a more personal note, I do want to step back and take a moment to say how surreal it is to post this chapter. When I first started this story, it was just an idea I was tossing around with some friends, and when I started writing I was thinking I didn't know if I could write this all. I had never written for DGM and had never successfully written anything too long, but then again I don't think I've ever been as invested as I have been with this story. It's cliche, but it feels like a piece of my soul and means a lot to me.

So, thank you to everyone who has supported me and this fic. It truly means a lot, so thank you from the bottom of my heart! 3


	28. Epilogue: An Endless Sky

**Lotus in the Snow (Snow Queen AU)**

 **Epilogue**  
 _An Endless Sky_

 __Three months passed, and soon spring was moving into summer. The days were now longer, with clearer skies and sweeter air. It was always warm, too – not terribly so much that it was stifling, but enough to make anyone long to spend the day outdoors.

Activity outside amongst people was at its peak, as was sociability. Kanda always noticed this right away, and he always somewhat dreaded it. Talking and socializing had never been a strong skill for Kanda; it never had been, and it never would be. It didn't matter if Kanda liked or disliked the person either. Conversing for unnecessarily long lengths about nothing substantial was just _annoying_.

Hence, why trips to the village were always a bit exhausting.

Kanda didn't know how it was Tiedoll always got him to go, especially given Kanda had ended up making the errand trip alone. Instinctively, Kanda had tried to see if Alma could go instead if not come _with_ Kanda; if Alma was there, at least he could have dealt with the talking while Kanda held back. But, Alma was busy taking care of other things, as was Tiedoll.

So, Kanda was just trying to make the trip as quickly as possible. It didn't help that he had gotten intercepted _immediately_ by Lala, who had an uncanny talent for knowing when Kanda was around. She had ended up taking a little more of Kanda's time than was preferable, and after that Kanda had gotten intercepted by at least two more people before he was _finally_ able to get to Suman – which was who he had needed to get to in the first place.

Suman had been outside when Kanda was able to catch him. He had just had some supplies come in that Tiedoll had requested, so it wasn't a surprise to Suman when Kanda indicated why he was there.

"Where's Alma?" Suman asked, as he brought out the items to Kanda. "You two are together so much it's almost weird to see you without him now."

Kanda scoffed lightly, but he knew there was truth to Suman's words. Usually Alma _was_ with Kanda whenever Kanda went into the village; it had been that way ever since the two of them returned. "He's helping Tiedoll with some repairs. Some of the roof shillings were coming loose," Kanda answered, before adding under his breath, "It'd be easier if he'd just come though…"

Suman chuckled. "Yeah, so he could handle all the talking? I can relate," He commented, tone a bit dry yet still good-natured.

Kanda huffed, before handing Suman a payment. "Thanks," Kanda said, in a change of subject.

"Sure thing," Suman spoke. "Tell Alma Jamie said hi. She's always asking about him, I swear."

For some reason, this caused Kanda's lips to quirk upward into a slightly amused smirk. It was small, and almost unnoticeable, but it was there. "Yeah, I'll do that."

Kanda left after, and was quick not to get intercepted by anyone else before he could get past the village outskirts. Once he was far enough away, he actually didn't mind the walk; it was an ideal day to be outside, with the temperature being perfect and the air pleasing. The trees were fully fleshed out with leaves, and the grass was a rich shade of green. It was a complete change from how barren and colorless the winter had been.

But, a lot of things had seemed to change since coming back to the village.

Initially, things had been….rather difficult. They still were in a lot of ways. When Kanda and Alma had returned, Tiedoll had been the one they had wanted to see first. Personally, Kanda knew he harbored some guilt for just disappearing on the man once again, and that guilt had deepened upon seeing Tiedoll's rather emotional reaction to Kanda and Alma returning. But then that guilt was replaced with the awkwardness of trying to explain just _what_ had happened…which was a lot.

Fortunately, Tiedoll hadn't hammered too many questions right away – at least concerning Alma. He had of course been worried, and rather surprised when he learned that Alma wasn't entirely _human_ anymore. Even with Kanda trying to prep Alma by explaining that Tiedoll knew about akuma, Alma had still been hesitant  
to say anything, let alone reveal that he still had a _tail_ (which he had been trying to avoid by keeping Kanda's coat on – though that only worked for so long that initial night back). This in turn had led to Kanda being something of a "middle man", which only seemed to add to the awkwardness of getting into _that_ topic.

Not to mention, there was then the challenge of actually figuring out just _how_ to re-acclimate into things. The first few days, Kanda and Alma had more or less avoided letting anyone else know they were back, aside from Tiedoll of course. Marie was the next to know, only because he also knew about akuma, but in general both Kanda and Alma had wanted to wait until they had some idea of how they intended to go about things.

Eventually, they had settled on giving people the explanation that Kanda had ended up leaving as planned, and Alma had just gone with him – something not too far fetched, but also something vague enough to keep from any details getting too messy. It was still a bit weird to use the cover at first, especially for Alma, but it worked well enough; thankfully, no one in the village questioned Kanda or Alma _too much_ about it either. There was a little concern primarily from Suman's family and Lala, but those worries were quelled within a short period of time.

Their worries were quelled, but Kanda's weren't. Not really.

Alma was probably who Kanda worried over the most, which was strange. Kanda wasn't used to worrying that much about people, and when they first returned it had been shockingly difficult to deal with. Kanda hadn't realized it quite as much at first, since Alma for a while somewhat clung to Kanda. Alma had still been pretty shaken from everything that had happened, and the first few weeks of being back he struggled with things like sleeping or being alone for too long. Those were still occasionally problematic, although they had diminished somewhat over time.

But when Alma started to venture off more and do his own thing on occasion, Kanda would just…worry. Immensely so. It was like every time Alma was gone a bit longer than intended or went off for a bit, Kanda would immediately start to question if something had happened. It was to be expected, though; Kanda had no idea what had happened to Tyki, and while it had been startling quiet in terms of akuma activity lately, that didn't mean there weren't threats around. And Kanda was always thinking about them; he didn't like to admit it, but the thought of something happening to Alma again just…scared him. It scared him a lot.

Kanda shook his head, and kept walking. His thoughts were getting away once again, and he realized he needed to stop. _'Stop freaking out, already. We've been back for three months, and nothing has happened,'_ Kanda tried to tell himself. _'Alma is fine.'_

Eventually, Kanda made it to Tiedoll's. He had partially expected to see Alma and Tiedoll outside, since Tiedoll had been staying back to spot Alma while he was on the roof. Neither were out though, so Kanda assumed they had stepped in.

Kanda knocked on the front door a few times, then let himself in when no one answered. "Oi, Tiedoll," Kanda called, as he shut the door behind him.

Tiedoll entered the living room, then spotted Kanda. "Oh! You're back already," Tiedoll observed, before smiling. "Did you get to visit with Suman and everyone while you were there?"

Kanda rolled his eyes, and handed Tiedoll the supplies he'd gotten. "If you mean get intercepted by every damn person imaginable, then yeah," Kanda grumbled.

Tiedoll chuckled. "Socializing will do you some good, Kanda," He spoke. "And thank you for getting this," Tiedoll added, in reference to the supplies.

Kanda didn't respond, and instead glanced around the living room. He turned back to Tiedoll. "Where's Alma?"

"He just finished replacing those shillings and went for a walk – though he mentioned he would probably go home after."

Home. By home, Tiedoll in actuality meant Kanda's house. After they had returned, Alma had stayed with Kanda the first few weeks. It wasn't much longer until he officially moved in with Kanda after that.

Kanda frowned, and looked as though he intended to leave. Tiedoll noticed right away.

"Kanda," Tiedoll started, "You don't have to worry. It's not like Alma can't take care of himself."

A sigh escaped Kanda, and he _tried_ to make himself agree with Tiedoll's words. However, it was easier said than done. Although, Kanda _did_ at times feel sort of silly for being so…protective.

Kanda crossed his arms. "Yeah, I know," He muttered lowly.

Tiedoll looked at Kanda closely, then set the supplies down. His expression had shifted a bit, changing to something a little more serious. "Are things alright?"

Kanda blinked, not having expected the sudden shift. But he nodded. "Yeah," He answered simply.

Tiedoll's look was doubtful, and it reminded Kanda of the looks Tiedoll had given him when he was younger and would try to lie about things. Tiedoll somehow had always been able to see through it.

Just like Tiedoll was probably seeing through Kanda's façade now.

Kanda exhaled, and looked away. There was a small frown on his lips.

"You're thinking about the Order, aren't you?"

The words cut through Kanda's ears, like nails scratching along a chalkboard. _'Don't remind me,'_ Kanda thought bitterly. Tiedoll was right, though – Kanda _had_ been thinking about the Order. It was always there in the back of his mind, with that damn deal he had made hanging over his head like a dark cloud. He still had a few months, but time was passing so quickly – before Kanda would know it, winter would return and Kanda would have to make good on his promise to return.

When Kanda didn't respond, Tiedoll side, and pushed his glasses up a little. "Kanda…"

"Look, I know it was stupid," Kanda cut in. His words were quiet, but laced with disgust. "I just…"

Tiedoll frowned. "That's not where I was going," He corrected, not wanting Kanda to get riled up for something incorrect and unnecessary. "You were put in a situation, and you had to make a judgment call. You did what you thought would be best."

"Tch. Yeah, and what I thought was best is going to mean I'll have to leave soon…" Kanda murmured. _'It means I'll have to leave Alma soon…'_

As if somehow reading Kanda's train of taught, Tiedoll looked at Kanda with concern. "How does Alma feel about this?" He asked softly.

Kanda scoffed. "How do you think?" Kanda retorted, as he recalled Alma's initial reaction to learning about Kanda's deal to return to the Order. Kanda had tried to wait to tell Alma, partly because he hadn't quite wanted to deal with it or freak Alma out when they were both still getting re-adjusted to everything. But at the same time, Kanda had known he couldn't just _keep_ that sort of thing from Alma. Unfortunately, telling Alma hadn't gone well, and it had resulted in an unpleasant argument with Alma actually _ignoring_ Kanda for the whole damn night after.

God, that had been aggravating.

Tiedoll sighed, and realized he should have expected as much. Even without Kanda going into detail, he also knew Alma had been quite upset over finding out about what had happened. "Alma worries about you like you worry about him," Tiedoll noted. "And I think he feels partially responsible for you making that decision."

Kanda looked at Tiedoll, with surprise appearing in his gaze. His brow then furrowed as he scowled. "Why?"

"Well, think about it," Tiedoll started to explain. "Why did you agree to those terms in the first place?"

Kanda blinked, then did so. Well, to get Mugen to cooperate, but also…to find Alma. Kanda had agreed to those terms because he wanted every advantage he could to try to locate Alma as quickly as possible.

Which meant…Alma really might have felt responsible after all.

Well, shit.

Kanda sighed. He hadn't thought about this, and now he felt like an idiot for not having picked up on it sooner. "I should probably talk to him…" He mumbled. Although it hadn't come up as much lately, there was still some tension between Kanda and Alma whenever the topic was close to getting brought up. Lately, both young men had tried to skate around the issue, but it was clearly doing them no favors.

Tiedoll nodded. "That would probably be best," He agreed, before placing a hand on Kanda's shoulder. "Somehow, we'll figure it out. You both have already come this far, haven't you?"

There was a gentle smile on Tiedoll's face as he spoke this, and it offered a small spark of comfort. It wasn't much, but truth be told Kanda was grateful for it.

Kanda nodded. "Thanks," He said quietly, though in his heart he was still a little doubtful. 

* * *

The sky looked endless to Alma – like a sea of endless blue.

There were hardly any clouds that day, though there was an occasional breeze of air that felt refreshing and light. It was just so beautiful outside; it was one of the reasons he had wanted to take the chance to walk for a bit before returning home. Not that Alma had wanted to go inside even when he made it back – he actually had ended up climbing onto the rooftop. It was a task that had been noticeably easier to do since Alma had become part akuma, which was probably one perk to that whole ordeal if anything.

Alma leaned back on the palms of his hands as he looked upward. He could hear a few birds chirping somewhere, though he wasn't too sure which direction they were in. Behind him, his tail flickered back and forth freely. Usually, Alma had to secure his tail in order to hide it. It was doable, given the flexibility his tail had, but it still wasn't all that comfortable. It was honestly one of the reasons Alma sometimes opted to come home more often than he would have in the past.

Things had been hard at first for Alma. Coming back to the village hadn't been easy for him; he had felt terrible given how he had acted toward Tiedoll and Lala just before that fateful winter night where everything seemed to fall apart, and those dark thoughts and emotions still haunted him periodically. But with time, he had started to get more used to dealing with things, and being able to talk more freely to Kanda _did_ help. There were still some things that would come up from time to time, but for the most part…things were okay. For now, at least.

 _'For now,'_ Alma thought, a flicker of unease dancing throughout him. _'For now until…'_

He took a breath. Alma had tried not to think too much lately about the fact that Kanda would have to report back to that place…the Black Order, or whatever it was called. When was it that Kanda had to return? Sometime in January? God, and it was already _June_. That left them with just a little over half a year before…

 _'Before we'd be separated again,'_ Alma realized, eyes sad.

Alma realized that he had reacted poorly when Kanda first told him about the situation. But he had just felt so…distraught over it all, and even betrayed. Here Alma had thought Kanda had planned on staying with Alma, when all this time Kanda was just going to have to return back to the Order.

And then what? Would Alma be able to even keep in touch with Kanda when that happened? He still didn't quite understand there all was to things like exorcists and akuma, despite Kanda and Tiedoll doing their best to help Alma learn. But things like exorcists and the Order seemed so distant and _secretive_ ; even looking back to when Alma had first met Kanda, he still recalled all the times where it felt like he'd been in the dark about something. Now, it all made much more sense given how Kanda had acted.

God, but Alma just didn't want to be apart from Kanda again.

He knew it was selfish of him, and even more so given the reason Kanda had agreed to return to the Order. Alma knew that it had been because Kanda had wanted to find him, and that if it hadn't been for Alma Kanda might never have gotten roped into this arrangement.

Sighing, Alma allowed himself to fall onto the roof. _'Yuu…'_

Suddenly, Alma heard someone approaching the house down below. His heart jumped a little, as he felt a tinge of anxiousness that it could be someone else – but as he glanced down he caught sight of a long black pony tail just before the person entered the house.

Alma relaxed. It was Kanda.

Knowing he should get down, Alma started to climb toward the ground. Once he was close enough, he jumped, managing to land on his feet.

Since he had landed in the back of the house, Alma went in through the back – the same entrance Kanda had used. He did so quietly, and didn't see Kanda in the kitchen when Alma entered. Walking through the house, he eventually caught sight of Kanda in the living room, though Kanda was turned away from him. He seemed to be rubbing his neck, as though it were stiff.

A playful gleam sparked in Alma's eyes, and he silently approached Kanda from behind. Then, without warning Alma placed his hands on the back of Kanda's neck and shoulders, and started to rub gently.

Kanda jumped a little, then turned, glaring at Alma. "Don't sneak up on me like that," He grumbled.

Alma laughed softly. "Sorry. Couldn't resist," He apologized, though his tone was amused. He pressed his forehead into Kanda's hair, as he continued to massage Kanda's shoulders a bit. "I'll make it up to you."

Kanda sighed, and placed a hand over one of Alma's. As much as Kanda would have loved for Alma to continue, he knew he couldn't let himself get carried away. The conversation with Tiedoll still lingered in his mind, and he knew it would be better to address things as quickly as possible. If there was one thing Kanda had learned in all this, it was that keeping things in was a mistake.

Kanda turned, facing Alma. His expression was serious. "There's something we should talk about."

Alma looked bewildered. Then worried. "What is it?" He asked, voice quieting as all playfulness evaporating from him.

Already, Kanda could feel his resolve beginning to crumble a bit. Damn it, why did Alma have to make that sad face of his when Kanda tried to bring up these sort of topics? He always had those puppy eyes, and it made talking about shit _hard_.

Kanda pressed his fingers to his forehead, trying to think of how to approach the topic. Of course he was not blanking on just what to say. "Listen, about…next winter," He started to say.

Immediately, Alma understood the direction of the conversation, and averted his gaze. Winter. "You mean…when you go to the Order…" Alma spoke.

Alma's words were soft, but there was a slight clip of bitterness that Kanda didn't miss. Kanda sighed. "I know it's not…ideal. And we haven't really talked about it much-"

"You shouldn't have even have had to agree to that," Alma interrupted. "It's just…it's not _fair_. And you wouldn't have even had needed to do it if it hadn't had…"

 _'If it hadn't had been more me,'_ Alma wanted to say, though the words lodged in his throat, refusing to come out.

Kanda exhaled. "That's what I wanted to talk to you about," He spoke, as he eyed Alma carefully. "You know it's _not_ your fault right?"

When Alma didn't look at Kanda, Kanda frowned. "Alma, I don't want you blaming yourself for this. _I_ made the decision. Not you."

Alma's shoulders slumped a little, as the tension seemed to leave his body. He knew Kanda was accurate in calling him out for feeling this way, but that didn't lessen how poorly Alma felt regarding the situation.

Kanda watched Alma's body language closely. When he saw that Alma didn't appear to be going on the defensive, he continued, this time a bit more gently. "Look…I don't want you to feel guilty about this. You didn't make me do it," He insisted, before taking Alma's hand. Softly, Kanda squeezed it. "Stop blaming yourself already."

Alma's gaze turned back to Kanda, the small touch sending a trickle of warmth throughout him. It was oddly calming, even in spite of the grim nature of their discussion.

Alma squeezed Kanda's hand in return. "I'll try." 

* * *

Later that night, Alma had returned to the roof of the house. It was cooler, but the slight chill in the air felt refreshing against Alma's skin. Since the sky had been clear that day, it also meant that Alma had a perfect view of the stars. The gleamed and sparkled against the inky dark blue of the sky, like glittering satin stretching above the earth.

Someone could be heard climbing up, and Alma turned. He wasn't surprised when he saw it was Kanda joining him, who ended up sitting down next to Alma.

Kanda didn't speak at first. Instead, he seemed to be taking in his surroundings before finally speaking. "You really like it up here, huh…"

A small smile appeared on Alma's face. "Yeah. I like looking at the sky," Alma spoke gently. "It's really pretty."

Kanda's eyes remained on Alma, a soft look in them. "Yeah…"

Alma turned, and happened to see Kanda staring. Then, Alma turned his face forward again, feeling his cheeks heat up slightly.

Kanda looked forward as well, though there was a hint of a smile on his face. He then remembered his earlier conversation with Suman, and glanced back at Alma. "By the way, I saw Suman. He wanted me to tell you Jamie says hi."

Alma turned, and smiled. "Aw. I'll have to go visit – she really is like a little sister."

Kanda felt his heart warm. He didn't consider himself good with people, let alone kids – but there was something sweet about seeing Alma interact with others like Jamie. He probably would never admit it out loud, but he did at times think it.

Both returned to looking upward toward the sky. They fell into a comfortable silence as they did this, with several moments passing between them.

Finally, Alma spoke. "Maybe I should go with you…"

Kanda turned, as he looked at Alma in confusion. "What?"

Alma was still looking forward, though there was a contemplative look in his eyes. "When you go back to the Order. Maybe I should come too," He spoke.

Kanda opened his mouth, but Alma continued, turning to Kanda. "Yuu, if I go with you-"

"Fucking – _hell_ no," Kanda stammered, when he realized he was somewhat in shock that Alma would suggest the idea. "Alma, you _can't_ go."

Alma's face briefly fell, before it turned into a frown. "Why? Yuu, maybe I could _help_ -"

"Alma, _no_ ," Kanda argued. "I don't even know what it's going to be like at the Order – Tiedoll doesn't either, and…" Kanda trailed off, not even sure how to say all that he was thinking.

He took a breath. "It just…doesn't seem smart to get you involved. We don't know what we're all dealing with yet."

Alma huffed, and looked down. There was still a small frown on his face, but he understood Kanda had a point. But Alma just…he didn't want to be uselessly _stuck_ somewhere…

Kanda sighed. "Alma…we have to be careful about this," Kanda stated, as he tried to keep his voice level. "I don't….trust the Order. So I don't think you should be rushing to jump into anything."

Alma could feel his will to argue waver as Kanda spoke, and his tail flicked a bit behind him. "I know…I just…" Alma tried to speak, voice faltering a little. "I really don't want to get separated again…"

Kanda's expression softened as he looked over at Alma. He could feel his heart twist, as Alma's disappointment and downtrodden nature was all too apparent. Reaching over, Kanda took Alma's hand just as he had earlier that day.

"Hey…" Kanda started quietly, as he leaned toward Alma. He waited to speak until Alma turned toward him, his blue eyes bright even in the darkness.

Kanda tried to ignore the wait his heart leapt a little as he looked into those eyes. "Whatever happens….we'll figure it out, okay?" He continued, as his voice remained just over a whisper.

As Kanda spoke this, he slipped something into Alma's palm – something small. "We'll find a way. I promise."

Confusion briefly filled Alma's eyes as he felt Kanda give him something, and it wasn't until Kanda released his grip that Alma could see what it was.

When he opened his hand, it was the lotus pin.

Alma's heart skipped, and he looked at Kanda, surprised. "Yuu, this is your-"

"It's yours now," Kanda clarified, voice still soft. He then averted his gaze, looking oddly hesitant. "It's…not much, but it…it's special. So I want you to have it."

When Kanda seemed to gather himself, he glanced back at Alma, his lips slightly upturned. "Don't lose it."

Alma could feel himself blush, and his heart thudding in his chest. A beautiful smile then broke across his face, cheeks flushed and eyes bright as they filled with the deepest kind of affection. "Thank you…"

Seeing Alma's reaction, there was nothing short of pure adoration in Kanda's eyes. But seeing Alma there, smiling so beautifully beneath the stars…Kanda just…

Leaning over, Kanda cupped the side of Alma's face with his hand. Gingerly, he traced his thumb over Alma's cheek as their noses just barely brushed against each other, both of their eyes half-lidded. Then, without further delay Kanda brought his lips to Alma's, and pulled him into a soft, and gentle kiss. Slow, sweet… _loving._

Eventually, Kanda pulled back. He rested his forehead against Alma's, eyes still closed. "I love you, Alma …" Kanda murmured, words barely audible.

A soft, breathless laugh escaped Alma. "I love you too," He whispered back, as he felt all sense of fear and insecurity melt away, as he placed a hand over Kanda's and clasped the lotus pin in the other.

It was incredibly hopeful, and even wistful. But the truth was that they both loved each other so deeply, that neither of them felt a single doubt about it in that moment. Alma and Kanda had already come so far, and been through so much, each like a single lotus in the snow, pushing through a cold, icy lake and toward an endless sky.

They would reach toward that sky, and they would find a way.

They always would, forever. 

* * *

**A/N:** And there you have it guys - the epilogue, and the final piece of the story.

I can't even begin to express how emotional it feels to be posting this, and how surreal it is. This story means the world to me, and is the first multichapter fic I have ever completed. There were a lot of hitches and hiatuses, and a few moments where admittedly I did think that the story would end up unfinished or in hiatus limbo. So to have gotten this far to where I'm finally finished with the epilogue is entirely mind-blowing to me.

I hope this epilogue did some justice to helping with some of the untied and looser ends of the story (ex. Kanda's promise to return to the Order), and while it's not clear what happens, it is clear to me at least that Kanda and Alma are going to somehow make it together through all of this. (And just so we're all clear, yes, the lotus pin gift was Kanda low-key implying that later down the road he actually might propose to Alma - so there is your fun trivia to send you all off with and you can take it or leave it for what it is. XD)

Thank you to everyone who has supported me and this story, and who has been there the whole way. I was going to start listing people, but the truth is that there have been so many I might just have to make a longer Tumblr post with shoutouts or something. XD But thank you with every fiber of my being - I'll never be able to adequately express what writing this story and receiving such support has meant to me.

Please feel free to keep in touch with me regarding future writing projects - I do have more Yulma planned, and another longer AU/multichapter fic I plan to start working on soon, so definitely keep your eyes open for that!

Thank you all, and much love! 3


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